Catching flies in his mouth.
Oct 31, 2022 6:33:50 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Venom 🕷, and 2 more like this
Post by Visit Neom on Oct 31, 2022 6:33:50 GMT -5
(We see a wooden tavern sign hanging above the entrance to a garage. It reads “THE SNUGGLY DUCKLING DOJO” and has a picture of a cartoon duckling wearing Scott Steiner shades and chainmail. The shot zooms out as a replica Lightning McQueen car pulls up to the entrance. The driver gets out and bolts towards the sign. She tosses her helmet off for a better look and we see it is a delighted Ollie Oldham.)
Ollie: Shut up! Marty is actually going to retire! I won't have to worry about Zoran’s knives, or The Sheik’s barbed wire, or AVB’s strippers!
(The racer does a cartwheel.)
Ollie: I knew that Marvel restaurant was the perfect place to pitch the wrestling school, he was so smitten during the Paul Rudd videos.
(Ollie opens the door. Tinto, wearing a Snuggly Duckling Dojo t-shirt that's way too big, smiles as he lays on the mat with a steel chair placed under his head. Marty Donovan, covered in bruises from Wrestle: UK, stands over him. He has a second chair lifted to attack, but notices Olivia enter. Marty scrambles to sit in the chair AC Slater style.)
Marty: So that concludes my lecture on Walt Disney’s cultural impact.
Ollie: MARTIN ANDREW DONOVAN!
Tinto: Long haired princess lady! I’m learning the ConChairTo. It is like being hit with two frying pans!
(Ollie glares. Marty runs to the far side of the ring and puts his body between the ropes.)
Tinto: Sorry, you can’t attack wrestlers in the ropes. The crown thief taught me that.
Ollie: I will attack the crown thief wherever I please.
Marty: Olivia, take a deep breath and look at my handsome rib knit sweater.
Tinto: Is your hair still magic?
(The blonde shoots daggers at Marty before she runs a hand through her locks. Suddenly, she is holding a fun size candy bar. Tinto, completely unaware of coin tricks, gasps and scurries over. Ollie carries him away as if she is the Jane Goodall of pretend orphans.)
Marty: How am I the bad guy here? This was all your idea.
Ollie: My idea? Hitting a seven year old with a steel chair?!?!
Marty: Tinto isn’t a baby anymore. A champion needs to be tough.
Ollie: No, he needs to be in school.
Marty: I‘m running this like an English soccer academy where he still gets a formal education.
(We cut to earlier footage. Tinto takes notes as he watches a laptop. On zoom we see Wesley Crane lounging on a couch. Henderson pays for room service while bored supermodels text.)
Wesley Crane: Listen, kid. There's simple rules to life and it's a lot like gambling. You always go all in when you have pocket aces. Why? It's a sure bet. Well, usually. When playing Roulette, you always bet on black. You can't lose, unless it lands on red. Or double zero. When betting on football you bet on the home team, unless it's the Cowboys. Fuck "dem' boys". And the best gambling advice I can give you is this: always wear a condom. You can get rid of most STD's with a pill but you can't escape child support. Follow these rules and you'll go far kid!
(We cut back to Marty and Ollie still bickering while Tinto plays with a Lightning McQueen toy in the ring behind them. The orphan gazes upwards in a trance, where a copy of Doom VR is suspended above him.)
Marty: I get heat for wrestling. I get heat for the school. There is absolutely no pleasing you.
Ollie: I’m not mad about the school! I’m mad about the first grader!
(Tinto stands on his tiptoes and attempts to reach the video game above him.)
Marty: This is a test run. The school will be for adults when I retire in a few years.
Ollie: YEARS? You promised you would after beating Syberus.
(Tinto sets up a chair and stands on it, hoping that will make up the ten feet.)
Marty: I’ve physically beaten him. Now I need a financially lucrative title run to break his mind.
Ollie: And if it breaks my mind? Is the money worth it?
(Tinto slides out of the ring and grabs a ladder. The orphan can barely move the heavy item.)
Marty: Of course not, but can you take a fucking chill pill? I know what I’m doing in there.
Ollie: No, I am not going to “chill” while you get stabbed to death!
(He stands up the ladder without pulling it apart. It falls into the ropes. Tinto is confused.)
Marty: That won’t happen again. I’m not doing any more of those XHF clown shows.
Ollie: My concerns are always ignored. Do you care about me at all?
(Tinto pulls the legs apart, but doesn’t touch the spreaders. Marty struggles to find his words.)
Marty: 18 percent gratuity.
Ollie: What?
(The ladder wobbles as Tinto nods, pleased at his work. He starts to climb the wrong side.)
Marty: All Wish bars had a mandatory 18 percent gratuity.
Ollie: You can’t win every argument by listing what you paid on the cruise.
Marty: Enchanté brunch is 75 bucks a head. We went twice.
(Tinto steps on the ladder top cap and it immediately tips over. The orphan grabs on to the video game and dangles above the ring. Marty slides in and catches the plummeting Doom fan.)
Ollie: TINTO, ARE YOU OKAY?
Tinto: Okay? This is the greatest moment of my life!
(Tinto rips open the game and finds a disc for Disney Mirrorverse. “D.T.A.” is painted on it.)
Marty: The most important lesson I can teach. Don’t trust anybody!
(We cut to the Disney World costuming department. Marty and Tinto enjoy cups of Oogie Boogie gummy worms dirt cake while Ollie speaks to some employees.)
Marty: Tinto, I’m afraid that “we” decided it isn’t safe to train kids. You’re a little, weak cry baby.
Tinto: So you’re saying I’m doomed to lose the Phoenix title?
Marty: No, I’m saying you’re a cool mask and theme song away from being Bloodied Fox. We can Sandman this, give you an awesome entrance to hide your poor work. Nobody fears Tinto, but I thought of a scary alter ego you can use. I get the rights to the funko pops though. That money will be a big help given “my” decision to retire soon.
(Marty hands Tinto a costume sketch. The orphan gives the camera a sadistic look.)
Tinto: LET ME IN.
(The shot fades out as the orphan laughs like an insane person.)
Ollie: Shut up! Marty is actually going to retire! I won't have to worry about Zoran’s knives, or The Sheik’s barbed wire, or AVB’s strippers!
(The racer does a cartwheel.)
Ollie: I knew that Marvel restaurant was the perfect place to pitch the wrestling school, he was so smitten during the Paul Rudd videos.
(Ollie opens the door. Tinto, wearing a Snuggly Duckling Dojo t-shirt that's way too big, smiles as he lays on the mat with a steel chair placed under his head. Marty Donovan, covered in bruises from Wrestle: UK, stands over him. He has a second chair lifted to attack, but notices Olivia enter. Marty scrambles to sit in the chair AC Slater style.)
Marty: So that concludes my lecture on Walt Disney’s cultural impact.
Ollie: MARTIN ANDREW DONOVAN!
Tinto: Long haired princess lady! I’m learning the ConChairTo. It is like being hit with two frying pans!
(Ollie glares. Marty runs to the far side of the ring and puts his body between the ropes.)
Tinto: Sorry, you can’t attack wrestlers in the ropes. The crown thief taught me that.
Ollie: I will attack the crown thief wherever I please.
Marty: Olivia, take a deep breath and look at my handsome rib knit sweater.
Tinto: Is your hair still magic?
(The blonde shoots daggers at Marty before she runs a hand through her locks. Suddenly, she is holding a fun size candy bar. Tinto, completely unaware of coin tricks, gasps and scurries over. Ollie carries him away as if she is the Jane Goodall of pretend orphans.)
Marty: How am I the bad guy here? This was all your idea.
Ollie: My idea? Hitting a seven year old with a steel chair?!?!
Marty: Tinto isn’t a baby anymore. A champion needs to be tough.
Ollie: No, he needs to be in school.
Marty: I‘m running this like an English soccer academy where he still gets a formal education.
(We cut to earlier footage. Tinto takes notes as he watches a laptop. On zoom we see Wesley Crane lounging on a couch. Henderson pays for room service while bored supermodels text.)
Wesley Crane: Listen, kid. There's simple rules to life and it's a lot like gambling. You always go all in when you have pocket aces. Why? It's a sure bet. Well, usually. When playing Roulette, you always bet on black. You can't lose, unless it lands on red. Or double zero. When betting on football you bet on the home team, unless it's the Cowboys. Fuck "dem' boys". And the best gambling advice I can give you is this: always wear a condom. You can get rid of most STD's with a pill but you can't escape child support. Follow these rules and you'll go far kid!
(We cut back to Marty and Ollie still bickering while Tinto plays with a Lightning McQueen toy in the ring behind them. The orphan gazes upwards in a trance, where a copy of Doom VR is suspended above him.)
Marty: I get heat for wrestling. I get heat for the school. There is absolutely no pleasing you.
Ollie: I’m not mad about the school! I’m mad about the first grader!
(Tinto stands on his tiptoes and attempts to reach the video game above him.)
Marty: This is a test run. The school will be for adults when I retire in a few years.
Ollie: YEARS? You promised you would after beating Syberus.
(Tinto sets up a chair and stands on it, hoping that will make up the ten feet.)
Marty: I’ve physically beaten him. Now I need a financially lucrative title run to break his mind.
Ollie: And if it breaks my mind? Is the money worth it?
(Tinto slides out of the ring and grabs a ladder. The orphan can barely move the heavy item.)
Marty: Of course not, but can you take a fucking chill pill? I know what I’m doing in there.
Ollie: No, I am not going to “chill” while you get stabbed to death!
(He stands up the ladder without pulling it apart. It falls into the ropes. Tinto is confused.)
Marty: That won’t happen again. I’m not doing any more of those XHF clown shows.
Ollie: My concerns are always ignored. Do you care about me at all?
(Tinto pulls the legs apart, but doesn’t touch the spreaders. Marty struggles to find his words.)
Marty: 18 percent gratuity.
Ollie: What?
(The ladder wobbles as Tinto nods, pleased at his work. He starts to climb the wrong side.)
Marty: All Wish bars had a mandatory 18 percent gratuity.
Ollie: You can’t win every argument by listing what you paid on the cruise.
Marty: Enchanté brunch is 75 bucks a head. We went twice.
(Tinto steps on the ladder top cap and it immediately tips over. The orphan grabs on to the video game and dangles above the ring. Marty slides in and catches the plummeting Doom fan.)
Ollie: TINTO, ARE YOU OKAY?
Tinto: Okay? This is the greatest moment of my life!
(Tinto rips open the game and finds a disc for Disney Mirrorverse. “D.T.A.” is painted on it.)
Marty: The most important lesson I can teach. Don’t trust anybody!
(We cut to the Disney World costuming department. Marty and Tinto enjoy cups of Oogie Boogie gummy worms dirt cake while Ollie speaks to some employees.)
Marty: Tinto, I’m afraid that “we” decided it isn’t safe to train kids. You’re a little, weak cry baby.
Tinto: So you’re saying I’m doomed to lose the Phoenix title?
Marty: No, I’m saying you’re a cool mask and theme song away from being Bloodied Fox. We can Sandman this, give you an awesome entrance to hide your poor work. Nobody fears Tinto, but I thought of a scary alter ego you can use. I get the rights to the funko pops though. That money will be a big help given “my” decision to retire soon.
(Marty hands Tinto a costume sketch. The orphan gives the camera a sadistic look.)
Tinto: LET ME IN.
(The shot fades out as the orphan laughs like an insane person.)