Is it the clumpy way he walks?
Nov 25, 2022 22:25:08 GMT -5
robriot, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Visit Neom on Nov 25, 2022 22:25:08 GMT -5
(The shot fades up on Marty seated at a fancy desk in his home office. On the walls are various black and white photos of his achievements. Also there are pictures of Syberus' failures, not even ones that Marty was involved in. Really, just any picture that shows Syberus in pain or losing. Honestly, there are more pictures of that than stuff involving Marty. He's a bit obsessed.)
Marty: Greetings. I'm here to give an official statement following the unfortunate loss in Liverpool. I shouldn't have to do this, but the state of the media in the UK is abysmal. Don’t forget, those scumbags are the reason there is a Princess Diana beanie baby. I have three that I’m trying to flip if anyone is interested by the way, but I digress.
(Marty reads a printed statement.)
Marty: I apologize for my carelessness in the tag match. I never meant to hit Wesley Crane, my best friend, with a Dis-Knee. I am sorry for embarrassing The Anointed and will be more careful. I also apologize that one of my variants from the Martyverse did a promo last month criticizing “The High Roller”. I do not agree with anything the other Marty said.
(Marty holds up a thick contract.)
Marty: I have signed a short term deal with W:UK that runs through New Years Brawl. I won't let the backstage snakes sabotage Crane’s coronation. The greatest pro wrestler in history, Disney’s Marty Donovan, will ensure that “The High Roller” is protected during his title match.
(Marty points to a framed photo of him putting Bloodied Fox through the commentary desk.)
Marty: Bloodied Fox. Poor little guy had a nervous breakdown after I steamrolled him in the Battle of Britain. Now he wants to fight me at Supremacy. Did nobody watch my press conference? Do you know how hard it is to book a shoot before rope drop at Disney World, especially one with Cindrella's castle in the back? That scenic sunrise was not cheap. However, the message didn’t get through, so allow me to repeat it louder for everyone in the back.
(Marty picks up a “Disney Princess Cheer” megaphone from behind the desk.)
Marty: I, Martin Andrew Donovan, will never again wrestle on an XHF show. Never. Not once more. EOD was it. If Johnnie tries to force me, I will call Matt Murdoch. Why can’t people wrap their heads around this? The referee stabbed me.
(Marty tosses the megaphone out of frame.)
Marty: I hate the XHF. All of it. I hate their goofy, musical chairs stipulations. I hate the semi-functioning alcoholic calling the matches. I hate that they didn’t provide us with free specialty soaps for the shower. Everyone knows my sensitive skin needs Dove!
(Marty slams his sensitive fist on the desk.)
Marty: Foxy, you want to be embarrassed again? Here are your three options. You can join Hardkore World, you can sponsor a CAR team, or we settle it on the street. Text me a time and place. Hell, hire a camera crew if you want! I just won’t let Mongo make a cent off it.
(Marty rolls his eyes at the whole situation.)
Marty: Moving on, it is time to get my first W:UK win. It won’t be an easy feat considering the other tag team. The Awesome Bastards have accomplished it all. Rat Bastard was the first ever X*Crown champion and Steve Awesome only recently lost it.
(Ollie Oldham, CAR’s best racer, runs into frame with a tablet and whispers to Marty.)
Marty: Wait, this is a different tag team called The Bastards? Why? That is terrible branding.
(Ollie shrugs and shows Marty the wiki for The Bastards.)
Marty: Huh, two strapping young lads and their father. I bet he taught them some old tricks.
Ollie: No, that’s Frank Windsor. Wes asked you to focus on him in the match.
(Shocked, Marty snatches the tablet out of her hands and holds it up to his face.)
Marty: THAT GUY IS A WRESTLER? No way. He must be the owner of a mediocre pizza parlor that has fallen on hard times. Yeah, that is it, his friends started wrestling to help him pay rent.
Ollie: It says he’s won a bunch of titles.
(Marty gives a skeptical look and scrolls down the page before laughing.)
Marty: It also says he’s 225 pounds! Maybe they meant stones?
(He hands the tablet back to Ollie and she walks out of frame.)
Marty: Wesley, are you sure? I’m not trying to doubt your abilities, but do either of us really need to focus on this bowling alley bartender? Can’t we just let his cholesterol take care of him?
(Marty opens a golden envelope and reads a note inside.)
Marty: Lastly, congratulations to Katie Moss. You and a guest have won a free trip to Walt Disney World. You’ll be staying at the romantic Swan and Dolphin Resort!
(Marty gives a round of applause.)
Marty: Katie, I hope you will ask Wesley to go with you. I know he screwed up big time in New York, but that was after an accidental Dis-Knee. His brains were scrambled. Frankly, Wes is lucky to be alive right now.
(Marty pulls out a bluetooth speaker playing “Fixer Upper” from Frozen.)
Marty: What’s the problem, Katie? I know Crane is rough around the edges, but women love a project. Sure, the plum suit is a bit much, but this is show business. How many wrestlers have their own casino? Okay, two counting Recoba. Still, that means he’s loaded! Wes is a real catch!
(Marty holds up a hand to silence her presumed protests.)
Marty: Yes, the exact vacation date is still TBD. There is a slight chance this trip might be the week of Wesley’s Hardkore World title match. That certainly wasn’t my intention. Don’t worry, Crane is a super athlete. It will take more than free booze and lobsters to derail his training. I know he will show up ready and we’ll have a hell of a 30 minute draw.
(Marty holds up a watercolor piece showing Wes and Katie on a romantic swan boat ride. For some reason Henderson is in the water being chased by a shark.)
Marty: Doesn’t that look amazing, Katie? Give me a call to work out the details. Just don’t call right this second, I’ll be on the phone with Fat Frank’s Pizzeria, ordering the Windsor special.
(The shot fades out as Marty dials a number on his phone.)
Marty: Greetings. I'm here to give an official statement following the unfortunate loss in Liverpool. I shouldn't have to do this, but the state of the media in the UK is abysmal. Don’t forget, those scumbags are the reason there is a Princess Diana beanie baby. I have three that I’m trying to flip if anyone is interested by the way, but I digress.
(Marty reads a printed statement.)
Marty: I apologize for my carelessness in the tag match. I never meant to hit Wesley Crane, my best friend, with a Dis-Knee. I am sorry for embarrassing The Anointed and will be more careful. I also apologize that one of my variants from the Martyverse did a promo last month criticizing “The High Roller”. I do not agree with anything the other Marty said.
(Marty holds up a thick contract.)
Marty: I have signed a short term deal with W:UK that runs through New Years Brawl. I won't let the backstage snakes sabotage Crane’s coronation. The greatest pro wrestler in history, Disney’s Marty Donovan, will ensure that “The High Roller” is protected during his title match.
(Marty points to a framed photo of him putting Bloodied Fox through the commentary desk.)
Marty: Bloodied Fox. Poor little guy had a nervous breakdown after I steamrolled him in the Battle of Britain. Now he wants to fight me at Supremacy. Did nobody watch my press conference? Do you know how hard it is to book a shoot before rope drop at Disney World, especially one with Cindrella's castle in the back? That scenic sunrise was not cheap. However, the message didn’t get through, so allow me to repeat it louder for everyone in the back.
(Marty picks up a “Disney Princess Cheer” megaphone from behind the desk.)
Marty: I, Martin Andrew Donovan, will never again wrestle on an XHF show. Never. Not once more. EOD was it. If Johnnie tries to force me, I will call Matt Murdoch. Why can’t people wrap their heads around this? The referee stabbed me.
(Marty tosses the megaphone out of frame.)
Marty: I hate the XHF. All of it. I hate their goofy, musical chairs stipulations. I hate the semi-functioning alcoholic calling the matches. I hate that they didn’t provide us with free specialty soaps for the shower. Everyone knows my sensitive skin needs Dove!
(Marty slams his sensitive fist on the desk.)
Marty: Foxy, you want to be embarrassed again? Here are your three options. You can join Hardkore World, you can sponsor a CAR team, or we settle it on the street. Text me a time and place. Hell, hire a camera crew if you want! I just won’t let Mongo make a cent off it.
(Marty rolls his eyes at the whole situation.)
Marty: Moving on, it is time to get my first W:UK win. It won’t be an easy feat considering the other tag team. The Awesome Bastards have accomplished it all. Rat Bastard was the first ever X*Crown champion and Steve Awesome only recently lost it.
(Ollie Oldham, CAR’s best racer, runs into frame with a tablet and whispers to Marty.)
Marty: Wait, this is a different tag team called The Bastards? Why? That is terrible branding.
(Ollie shrugs and shows Marty the wiki for The Bastards.)
Marty: Huh, two strapping young lads and their father. I bet he taught them some old tricks.
Ollie: No, that’s Frank Windsor. Wes asked you to focus on him in the match.
(Shocked, Marty snatches the tablet out of her hands and holds it up to his face.)
Marty: THAT GUY IS A WRESTLER? No way. He must be the owner of a mediocre pizza parlor that has fallen on hard times. Yeah, that is it, his friends started wrestling to help him pay rent.
Ollie: It says he’s won a bunch of titles.
(Marty gives a skeptical look and scrolls down the page before laughing.)
Marty: It also says he’s 225 pounds! Maybe they meant stones?
(He hands the tablet back to Ollie and she walks out of frame.)
Marty: Wesley, are you sure? I’m not trying to doubt your abilities, but do either of us really need to focus on this bowling alley bartender? Can’t we just let his cholesterol take care of him?
(Marty opens a golden envelope and reads a note inside.)
Marty: Lastly, congratulations to Katie Moss. You and a guest have won a free trip to Walt Disney World. You’ll be staying at the romantic Swan and Dolphin Resort!
(Marty gives a round of applause.)
Marty: Katie, I hope you will ask Wesley to go with you. I know he screwed up big time in New York, but that was after an accidental Dis-Knee. His brains were scrambled. Frankly, Wes is lucky to be alive right now.
(Marty pulls out a bluetooth speaker playing “Fixer Upper” from Frozen.)
Marty: What’s the problem, Katie? I know Crane is rough around the edges, but women love a project. Sure, the plum suit is a bit much, but this is show business. How many wrestlers have their own casino? Okay, two counting Recoba. Still, that means he’s loaded! Wes is a real catch!
(Marty holds up a hand to silence her presumed protests.)
Marty: Yes, the exact vacation date is still TBD. There is a slight chance this trip might be the week of Wesley’s Hardkore World title match. That certainly wasn’t my intention. Don’t worry, Crane is a super athlete. It will take more than free booze and lobsters to derail his training. I know he will show up ready and we’ll have a hell of a 30 minute draw.
(Marty holds up a watercolor piece showing Wes and Katie on a romantic swan boat ride. For some reason Henderson is in the water being chased by a shark.)
Marty: Doesn’t that look amazing, Katie? Give me a call to work out the details. Just don’t call right this second, I’ll be on the phone with Fat Frank’s Pizzeria, ordering the Windsor special.
(The shot fades out as Marty dials a number on his phone.)