Maybe you should actually watch a promo....[RP2]

[Spike Kane]

Is that idiot still talking absolute fucking nonsense?

[Spike is sat on his porch again, talking to the “air” aka the camera.]

You know you bang on about excuses, and reasons, and everything under the sun except the actual point, don’t you Goth? Fuck me, you could put Attenborough to sleep with your nonsensical dribble. Should the fact I’ve wrestled for 26 years bother you? Well ... .maybe not in your narrow mind where “Hardkore World” is some kind of legendary company.

Moron.

I am a SIXTEEN time world champion.

I am a FOUR TIME hall of famer.

Fuck it, why do I bother? It’s not like either of you are going to listen is it? You just float about with your head in the delusional clouds, both of you! Thinking you’re literally gods gifts to wrestling, like we should all get on our knees and bow down (get it? Cause it’s my theme, no you don’t because I’m not in your fucking bubble am I?) you think you’re the most badass, or the most violent, yadda yadda yadda.

You’re mediocre at best.

You want to talk about history lessons? Look at the very fucking network you find yourself wrestling for and tell me, who do you think the fans, no fuck the fans, who do you think the WRESTLERS want to share a ring with? A fucking crybaby loser who throws her toys out of the pram whenever she loses, and pulls the “I’m a woman I’m a victim” card every fucking time? How about someone who just makes shit up as they speak, completely avoids the point, and still fails to deliver in the ring?

How about the motherfucking God of Xtreme!?

Do you honestly think I have the time, or patience to listen to the two of you whine and complain any more? I can’t be dealing with this level of stupiditiy, no fucking wonder Donzig has gone insane and hates everyone, I can feel the words leaving your mouths trying to dumb me down….

Let me put it as clearly as I can.

My name is Spike Kane. I am the fucking best in the world at what I do, and what I do ain’t nice. I’ve ended careers, shortened even more. Over the past two years alone on the XHF Network I have been the SPARK Champion, the X*Crown Champion, back to fucking back Call to Arms winners - in case you missed this years (because let’s face it, who the fuck would team with either of you?) I won it..

Single handedly.

Now?

Well now I happen to be the current (and two time) XHF Hardcore Champion.

[He approaches the camera with a disgusted look]

Please tell me what the fuck either of you have done that comes even close?

Fuck it, let’s break it down. I’m what they call an OG XHF Member, which means I wrestled here over a decade before the network was born. We had intergender wrestling back then, and do you think it mattered? Do you think people gave a shit about men and women beating the absolute shit out of each other? Not at all…it was in the fucking initials, XTREME HARDCORE FEDERATION…

I rose to the top of that heap.

Twice.

I’ve taken legit legends to their absolute limit, and I’ve even put some on the shelf. I’ve captured every single piece of gold I’ve ever chased after, and you know why? Because I don’t sit here blaming other people for my failures. Now, I know Goth was riding on his high horse trying to “defend” DiMaria and how I’m somehow scared of her!?

No seriously, do you even watch other peoples promos?

Do you even acknowledge anything that happens outside your fucked up head?

Oh yes, I’m so scared. I’m terrified of two glorified jobbers who wouldn’t buy a win to save their lives swatting at me with their pathetic attacks, hoping, praying, crying for me to fall so you can fiiiiiinally claim a victory….

Life isn’t like that kids.

Life isn’t a fairy tale.

It fucking sucks.

[He repositions himself now on camera, taking a few steps back, his “Chaos Theory” t-shirt on display.]

Life will kick you down, and kick you repeatedly whilst you’re down. Asking for a handout? Crying about a result? Talking absolute bullshit because you’re too fucking lazy to research your opponent? It just doesn’t cut it….and just like life…

I’m about to kick you down, and kick you repeatedly whilst you’re down.

Let me let you in on a little secret…

[He motions for the camera to close in, and it does, as if he’s whispering.]

I am not a nice guy. I am a nasty bastard. A cunt some might even say. I have spent over two and a half decades perfecting my craft. Hurting people for a living, and unlike the both of you? Succeeding whilst doing so. I am the reason you even have a fucking job. People like me, PRICE, Hardcore Harry, Venom, Charlie Velez, MGK…

We paved the roads for scum like you.

So I guess, it’s my responsibility to drive that into you, and I’ll be more than happy to do so. So listen up pricks, because I know Edinburgh is famous for it’s comedy shows….but this isn’t going to be a comedy, this is going to be nothing short of a tragedy as I make an example out of both of you, crush your dreams, your hopes and having the biggest smile on my face while I’m doing so.

You think you can beat me?

Prove it.

[He now leans right into the camera]

Goth, this time you might want to watch the promo once or twice before you open your idiotic mouth. Don’t put words in mine ever again, you stupid cunt. I have a problem with domestic abuse, but like I said…

In the squared circle?

Anything is game.

[With a sneer he flips the bird]

All Bloody Hail!

[Cut]