Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2022 0:45:53 GMT -5
Julianna DiMaria finds herself in a laboratory at this point as she thinks about some of the words that her opponents have said up to this point. She happens to also bring in a product cart that features three products. Julianna wastes little time as she begins to speak.
Julianna: You know, I have heard what my opponents have had to say. I have listened to every single word of their promos up to this point and I could definitely pick it all apart and really shove their words up their asses but then I got to thinking about it and I only had one question in mind…
‘Why should I?’
I mean, it’s not like they said anything special. It seems like all Goth and Kane did was just brag about their accomplishments and say that what they’ve done in the past or their entire Network history is the biggest reason why they’ll win. It really is the same old BORING snoozefest that you would expect from someone in this company to be quite honest. So, we’re going to do something fun and we’re going to do some product placement.
Julianna pauses to reveal the first product which looks like a vitamin bottle.
Julianna: We start with Sleepy Spike Sleeping Pills! The ingredients? All natural! Ingredients include ranting about the past, not knowing what to say about their opponents, and being so unoriginal and BORING that you invent terms like ‘jobber’... what the hell is that word and what does it mean? Oh right, it was invented out of thin air by someone so creatively bankrupt that they’re cutting promos acting like we’re still in 1997.
Oh you know who else was like that?
Chris Gibson.
Yawn. Boring. Next. If you want a quick sleeping supplement, Sleepy Spike Sleeping Pills are for you! Wow, it’s quite sad that someone so decorated supposedly is that fucking horrible at turning on a camera and figuring out what to say about someone. Yeah, I’m sure the Smithsonian would love to have you main event their gallery you ancient relic.
Julianna rolls her eyes as she reveals the second product which is a Pepto-Bismol style bottle that says “Logic Medicine” on it.
Julianna: Introducing “Logic Medicine”... designed to restore your intelligence after it gets insulted by watching a Psychotic Goth promo. See, Goth really didn’t bother talking about me at all because he’s so obsessed and fixated on Spike Kane to levels of beng completely unhealthy. It seemed like 90 percent of his material was bitching about Spike Kane and to be honest, none of it really made sense to me. Maybe it’s because I’m too “new school” for W:UK… or maybe it’s because my agency made a mistake in recommending coming here not realizing that this toxic dump was still stuck in the 20th century. I really have no idea and honestly, I really don’t care. Literally all he had to say is that he ‘respects me’ and to be honest, I really could give fuck all about that. I mean I swear to god after watching whatever he had to say, I definitely felt dumber and I definitely questioned my career choice in coming here to begin with. At least he isn’t being ‘cringe’ as this generation would say, by trying to be edgy and cool and using stupid insider terms that should never be said unlike SOMEONE ELSE that I’m facing. I mean, hell, let’s be real honest here. Both of these morons that I am facing definitely need their ‘logic medicine’ because they’re so fixated on each other that they’re already setting themselves up for failure which is LAUGHABLE considering the fact that I’m the least healthy of the three coming into this match and that I SHOULD, logically, be easy pickings for them.
But you know, for most wrestlers in W:UK, logic doesn’t exist.
Whatever, let’s just get to the last product.
Hey Goth and Spike, you two can have your little dick measuring contest that you have going on there. I figured that for my last product, I should give you something to help with that. Then you’ll really know between you two, which one is bigger…
Julianna reveals the ‘instrument’ which is a microscope.
Julianna: Damn, I think I just stooped to the level of most of the men on this roster when they go on their usual, sexist bullshit toward women in this company. See, you two are talking about how you’ve been in the business for X amount of years and how you’ve accomplished this and accomplished that and the fact of the matter is that NOBODY CARES! We get it! You’re tenured athletes with a history of success. You want to plaster it all over your pants the way you plastered it all over your promos? Are either of you a champion in W:UK right now? No. I’d ask about the XHF network as a whole but I’ll be honest, I don’t care. If you’re a champion or have recently been a champion in one of the other XHF network companies, great. You want a fucking cookie or something? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you’ve done in the other XHF network companies.
You’re so focused on each other you forget about me. Granted, the title I REALLY want is the Commonwealth, but STILL! Speaking of product… both of you? That’s what you are. Products. You are products that try so hard to be wrestlers when the truth of the matter is, you’re relics that should’ve stayed in the Clinton administration. So go ahead and have your little dick measuring contest. I’ll be the one taking advantage of your obvious hatred for one another by winning this match and moving onto the finals against all the odds stacked against me when you consider everything else going on. Your words aren’t even WORTH addressing with more than a grain of sault.
IDIOTS!
Julianna: You know, I have heard what my opponents have had to say. I have listened to every single word of their promos up to this point and I could definitely pick it all apart and really shove their words up their asses but then I got to thinking about it and I only had one question in mind…
‘Why should I?’
I mean, it’s not like they said anything special. It seems like all Goth and Kane did was just brag about their accomplishments and say that what they’ve done in the past or their entire Network history is the biggest reason why they’ll win. It really is the same old BORING snoozefest that you would expect from someone in this company to be quite honest. So, we’re going to do something fun and we’re going to do some product placement.
Julianna pauses to reveal the first product which looks like a vitamin bottle.
Julianna: We start with Sleepy Spike Sleeping Pills! The ingredients? All natural! Ingredients include ranting about the past, not knowing what to say about their opponents, and being so unoriginal and BORING that you invent terms like ‘jobber’... what the hell is that word and what does it mean? Oh right, it was invented out of thin air by someone so creatively bankrupt that they’re cutting promos acting like we’re still in 1997.
Oh you know who else was like that?
Chris Gibson.
Yawn. Boring. Next. If you want a quick sleeping supplement, Sleepy Spike Sleeping Pills are for you! Wow, it’s quite sad that someone so decorated supposedly is that fucking horrible at turning on a camera and figuring out what to say about someone. Yeah, I’m sure the Smithsonian would love to have you main event their gallery you ancient relic.
Julianna rolls her eyes as she reveals the second product which is a Pepto-Bismol style bottle that says “Logic Medicine” on it.
Julianna: Introducing “Logic Medicine”... designed to restore your intelligence after it gets insulted by watching a Psychotic Goth promo. See, Goth really didn’t bother talking about me at all because he’s so obsessed and fixated on Spike Kane to levels of beng completely unhealthy. It seemed like 90 percent of his material was bitching about Spike Kane and to be honest, none of it really made sense to me. Maybe it’s because I’m too “new school” for W:UK… or maybe it’s because my agency made a mistake in recommending coming here not realizing that this toxic dump was still stuck in the 20th century. I really have no idea and honestly, I really don’t care. Literally all he had to say is that he ‘respects me’ and to be honest, I really could give fuck all about that. I mean I swear to god after watching whatever he had to say, I definitely felt dumber and I definitely questioned my career choice in coming here to begin with. At least he isn’t being ‘cringe’ as this generation would say, by trying to be edgy and cool and using stupid insider terms that should never be said unlike SOMEONE ELSE that I’m facing. I mean, hell, let’s be real honest here. Both of these morons that I am facing definitely need their ‘logic medicine’ because they’re so fixated on each other that they’re already setting themselves up for failure which is LAUGHABLE considering the fact that I’m the least healthy of the three coming into this match and that I SHOULD, logically, be easy pickings for them.
But you know, for most wrestlers in W:UK, logic doesn’t exist.
Whatever, let’s just get to the last product.
Hey Goth and Spike, you two can have your little dick measuring contest that you have going on there. I figured that for my last product, I should give you something to help with that. Then you’ll really know between you two, which one is bigger…
Julianna reveals the ‘instrument’ which is a microscope.
Julianna: Damn, I think I just stooped to the level of most of the men on this roster when they go on their usual, sexist bullshit toward women in this company. See, you two are talking about how you’ve been in the business for X amount of years and how you’ve accomplished this and accomplished that and the fact of the matter is that NOBODY CARES! We get it! You’re tenured athletes with a history of success. You want to plaster it all over your pants the way you plastered it all over your promos? Are either of you a champion in W:UK right now? No. I’d ask about the XHF network as a whole but I’ll be honest, I don’t care. If you’re a champion or have recently been a champion in one of the other XHF network companies, great. You want a fucking cookie or something? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you’ve done in the other XHF network companies.
You’re so focused on each other you forget about me. Granted, the title I REALLY want is the Commonwealth, but STILL! Speaking of product… both of you? That’s what you are. Products. You are products that try so hard to be wrestlers when the truth of the matter is, you’re relics that should’ve stayed in the Clinton administration. So go ahead and have your little dick measuring contest. I’ll be the one taking advantage of your obvious hatred for one another by winning this match and moving onto the finals against all the odds stacked against me when you consider everything else going on. Your words aren’t even WORTH addressing with more than a grain of sault.
IDIOTS!