Post by Jonnie Valentine on Dec 10, 2022 21:04:08 GMT -5
Open on the Albuquerque fans cheering and holding up signs. “Kill Phil” with the Kill Bill logo, “If We Don’t See Dinky We Riot”, “Why Dan Why?”, “High Roller’s Gonna Fold”, Fade to Guillermo at ringside, Phil is in a wheelchair with his neck brace on.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans, and we’re back in Albuquerque for the first time since 2012 when James Fierce defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against Kilroy Evans. I’m Guillermo O’Bannon and next to me is…
Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. pans down to Phil in a wheelchair. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. is pushing it
Phillip Blauer: I sure am glad to be here in this New Mexico. Frankly, I had grown tired of the Old Mexico. I had heard they had a new one, and I’ve just been itching to try it. Here, smell? See? It still has that new country smell.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I can’t smell anything.
Phillip Blauer: (leans back, pointing) Gadzooks, he’s got that Coronadavirus I just heard about! Stay away, can’t you see I’m in a wheelchair and clearly autoconfidized?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why are you doing Marty’s house shows?
Phillip Blauer: You mean saving him from injury?? Imagine it had been him in the ring with The Dutch Express, or Suikerbossie? He would be in this chair. This company would have to close its doors and sell its library to Tap Out if that happened.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know about that, what is wrong with you?
Phillip Blauer: Well, unfortunately Dorothy’s health insurance only allows me to visit traveling snake oil physicians. Surprisingly, I wasn’t able to find any in Providence that evening. Then I tried to shake off some of the ring rust with a quick training session with Big Pun Danny Stein, which tweaked every muscle in my body. But if I had to guess, I probably also have a shattered back part, withered neck bones, and most likely The Rickets.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Where’d you get the wheel…
Phillip Blauer: It’s Dorothy’s. So hopefully we can speed this thing along before she wakes up and wants food or water or such nonsense.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, let’s get to it then. Fans we have some great action coming up tonight, culminating in a tornado match between The Society of the New Breed and The Anointed for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: How are three men going to hold two titles?
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’ll Freebird them.
Phillip Blauer: How can they drink them until they pass out and urinate on themselves? Now you’re just being silly. Why if I wasn’t in this chair…
Guillermo O’Bannon: But ch-yar! Ch-yar in that chair!
Phil sinks down and sulks
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then we have the steel cage match where Eron Hunter will put his Hardkore West Coast Championship on the line against the man he won it from, The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: Last time The Sheik took his mask, now he’ll be looking to take the belt back with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then two time NPW Phoenix Champion, son of Dragon Belt and Dragonatrix, Little Dragon tries to ride his momentum from Helloween into a match with the two-time Valor Pro Wrestling UnYielding Champion Cross Recoba. Little Dragon has quite the pedigree for the longtime fans of Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think Cross Recoba cares who Lil Dragon’s parents are, he’s here to re-educate these Hardkore fans who watched them what real wrestling is all about.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman got hornswoggled at Hardkore Helloween 2022, and has been inconsolable ever since. Now he gets to take his anger at Tuxedo Mask out on newcomer, Gavin Drake. Drake has eyes for Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan but first he has the big poet standing in front of him.
The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” plays as a confused Moondog Dook starts wandering to the ring, and the fans boo. He’s an albino with a crazy beard with a large heavy chain around his hairy chest, wearing ripped jean shorts with a string as a belt. He barks and woofs at the jeering fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is our first match of the night. He was previously in a tag team with a seven foot Irishman named “Giant” Baba O’Reilly…
Phillip Blauer: Seven foot one and three quarters.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook returned to the ring for the first time since 2007 recently in October in Prescott, Arizona against “High Roller” Wesley Crane. Recently he lost a rough and tumble encounter with Little Dragon in Providence.
Phillip Blauer: Moondog Dook doesn’t recognize wins and losses, only respect earned through pain and attrition. Moondog also doesn’t appear to recognize his local police department, hence his negative headlines over the years.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Really unfortunate stuff.
Phillip Blauer: Undoubtedly, put a black eye on the business.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But he has paid his debt to society, and now Moondog Dook is here to show Kalmin Watts what a Hardkore World match is all about.
Moondog Dook sniffs referee Richie Richardson while ring announcer Greg Jin stands in the center of the ring, waiting for his cue
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Rio Rancho Events Center. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds; The Dook of Earl…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The Albuquerque fans boo as Moondog Dook’s eyes bug out.
Then “Boomer Sooner” by the University of Oklahoma Marching Band plays and the jeers turn to cheers. “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan leads Kalmin Watts to the ring, wearing a classic singlet, but it is Oklahoma crimson with Oklahoma cream trim
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is, from Wrestle: UK, Kalmin Watts. Kalmin got into wrestling due to his paternal grandfather’s love of the sport. His grandfather was a big fan of Mid-South, and the influence is clear. He went on to play football and wrestle for the University of Oklahoma. At Anthony Jordan’s insistence, he has branched out into Hardkore World. He made his debut in Providence, Rhode Island defeating the very capable Randy Candy.
Phillip Blauer: Very capable.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now he looks to continue working his way up the ranks with a win over the wild and unpredictable Moondog Dook.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, ‘The Role Model’ Anthony Jordan; from Tulsey Town, Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The audience cheers as Watts confers with Anthony Jordan but Moondog Dook runs and attacks Watts from behind
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Moondog Dook vs. Kalmin Watts
Phillip Blauer: If Dook is gonna win this one, he has to out Moondog him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook with a headbutt between the eyes of Watts. He takes that chain and starts choking him with it! Come on, Richie!
Referee Richie Richardson hems and haws on how to bring up the rule infraction to Moondog Dook, while Dook sticks his knee in Watts’ back and pulls back on the chain. “Role Model” Anthony Jordan complains on the outside
Phillip Blauer: Richie still unsure how to assert himself in the ring there. It’s really up to Tony Jordan to advocate for his client.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook irish whips Kalmin Watts into the ropes and clotheslines him with the chain!!
The Albuquerque fans boo Dook who woofs at them. He gets on top of Kalmin Watts and starts biting him. Anthony Jordan shouts at Richie Richardson to do his job while Watts screams in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook stops and takes the chain and whips Kalmin Watts with it!! Oh, again!
Moondog Dook whips Kalmin Watts with the steel chain another time, but this time Watts glares at him, popping the crowd. Dook looks at his chain, confused
Phillip Blauer: Once again, chains have confused Dook.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook tries whipping him again with that chain, but this time Kalmin Watts standing in front of him, seething with anger!
The Rio Rancho Events Center cheers loudly. Dook reaches back to whip him again, but Watts does a front takedown, and spins him into a spinebuster. Watts pops back up and roars to the fans with anger
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts presses Dook over his head, walking him around the ring!
Moondog Dook shakes his head in fear, and then Watts expertly tosses him to the mat to the cheers of the crowd. “Role Model” Anthony Jordan applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts scoops Dook up and drops him into a gutbuster, then lifts him right back up, dropping him into a ribbreaker, then lifts him for a third time up onto his shoulder! What power!
The Albuquerque fans applauds the show of strength as Kalmin Watts walks to the corner with Dook on his shoulder. He points, and then running powerslams him
...ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts power whips Moondog Dook into the ropes across drops to a knee, clinches both hands together, and hits him in the torso with an Oklahoma Hammer!!
Phillip Blauer: Haven’t seen one of those since you had to Wake Me Up, Before You Go Go to see Sixteen Candles in your ‘84 Pontiac Fiero.
With Dook bent over, Kalmin Watts jumps up and performs a leg scissors around Moondog’s torso
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sooner Squeeze!! Dook tries to fight it off, but Kalmin lands some stiff shots to his ribs.
Moondog Dook drops to the mat, with Kalmin Watts hanging on to the Sooner Squeeze. Anthony Jordan pounds on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook taps out!
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and “Boomer Sooner” by the University of Oklahoma Marching Band plays
Greg Jin: “At 5 minutes 17 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts continues to rack up wins with a win over the wiley Moondog Dook.
The crowd cheers as Richie Richardson and Anthony Jordan raise Kalmin Watts’ arms in victory. Hardkore veterinarian Gilbert Valentine Jr. checks Moondog Dook’s vitals as Watts leaves the ring with Jordan
Phillip Blauer: I don’t know if Watts is gonna survive here. Dook seemed to catch him off guard and it only gets tougher from here. I assume.
“Boom Shack A Lack” by Apache Indian plays and the fans cheer as Mad Dog Cyril leads Uncle Claymore Clyde down to the ring, passing Moondog Dook as the vets take him to the back for medical attention
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Uncle Claymore Clyde! What’s he doing down here?
Phillip Blauer: I remember that guy from the locker room at the house shows. What’s he doing down here? Did he not check the call sheet?
Uncle Claymore Clyde steps off the ramp into the crowd and starts dancing sexy for the ladies. He tries to reveal too much skin, but Mad Dog Cyril drags him to the ring
Phillip Blauer: Thank goodness for Mad Dog Cyril. Hardkore director Danny Valentine Jr. hasn’t gotten the hang of that blur effect and we’re already on late enough as it is.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans got a win over him in Providence, and to make matters worse, Kilroy stole his mule Dinky.
Phillip Blauer: Hide your mules around that guy. And your Dinky.
Mad Dog Cyril takes the microphone from Greg Jin and hands it to Uncle Claymore Clyde
Uncle Claymore Clyde: “Kilroy! You stole my Dinky, I challenge you to a Kentucky mud fight in Santa Fe. Do I win get Dinky back and buy a mule for you okay okidoki?”
“Boom Shack A Lack” by Apache Indian plays as Uncle Claymore Clyde drops the mic and does some more sexy, sexy dancing. But Mad Dog Cyril drags him to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well I guess we will see if Kilroy will accept Uncle Claymore Clyde’s challenge and put Dinky on the line.
Phillip Blauer: He doesn’t have the grapes to accept a Kentucky Mud Fight. There’s mud involved and…oh who am I kidding? He’ll probably make it a rider in his next contract that all of his matches are Kentucky Mud Fights from here on out.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the arena as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, the other holds a football, of all things.
The crowd burst into a wall of boos and jeers. A few brave souls hold out their hands but Recoba gives them withering looks as he uses his cane to bat their hands away from touching him.
He reaches the ringsteps and plants his cane down on each step before he walks up them. Stepping between the ropes, he props the cane against the turnbuckle and twirls the football in his hand. He leans over the ropes to take a microphone from a member of the HKW ring crew.
The music dies down to silence leaving only boos that fill the Rio Rancho Events Center.
Cross Recoba: What you’re looking at, Albuquerque, is what a real, bonafide wrestler looks like!
The boos continue to grow. Cross starts to toss the football in his hand.
Cross Recoba: If you actually appreciated wrestling, you’d tune into Tap Out Wrestling and see what actual wrestlers do. You’d realize that what you see here in Hardkore World is nothing but brutality for brutality’s sake!
Crowd: FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS!
Cross Recoba: Your champion is Marty Donovan, the man who buffs the alloys for Lightning McQueen. What has he ever done when he hasn’t had to rely on an environment that revels in ultra-violence, that would rather see a stapler than a suplex, thumb tacks over a Tombstone piledriver and a flaming table instead of a figure-four leglock…
Crowd: HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Cross Recoba: And you know why that is? It’s because people like Donovan, like Evans, and like Syberus all prefer a dumb audience! If you want proof that people are largely idiots, I put on a show with three wrestlers who’ve held the X*Crown and got a thousand people yet here tonight? Seven times that figure. You could be watching Jack Diamond or Jason Long but instead what do you choose? You’d pick a twinkie over a fillet steak!
Some debris makes its way to the ring from the crowd.
Cross Recoba: In five years, Jason Long has made more of an impact than Marty has in triple that time! You know, if it wasn’t for the fact that Long’s a busy man - I’d have sent him here next month in my place as a Christmas present to you all. You could see how one of my top stars eclipses every single competitor in tonight’s main-event!
Cross pauses, mostly for effect but partly because irritating these people was a pastime he enjoyed.
Cross Recoba: Mostly though, I just don’t want to perform in front of people like you. The idea of me wrestling tonight in front of this crowd? You may as well put on the Vienna Philharmonic at the local kennel!
Crowd: FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY!
Cross Recoba: Relax…
Cross reaches into his insider blazer pocket and unfolds a cheque.
Cross Recoba: I have a check here for fifty-thousand dollars, now all you have to do to win the money is one simple task….you might have seen the video from Providence…
A cheer rides slightly over the boos for a moment as those who’ve seen the clip let themselves be known. Cross places the football on the mat and walks over to the ropes.
Cross Recoba: Now we’re going to do things a little differently tonight. For a start, we need a waiver.
A member of the HKW ring crew passes Cross a pen and clipboard.
Cross Recoba: Once this is signed, I have a new challenge…a safer challenge but the money…the money has gone up considerably.
A larger cheer emanates from the crowd.
Cross Recoba: Who wants a shot at fifty large?
The cameras scan the crowd where people are trying to get his attention. Cross goes through the ropes and picks a father and son, the child no more than ten-years old. Security help them over the barrier and Recoba motions for them to enter the ring.
Cross Recoba: What’s your name, kid?
The child, unused to speaking in front of over seven thousand fans, let alone on the XHF Network, is hesitant to lean into the microphone.
Kid: Troy…
Cross Recoba: Now, Troy, you might have seen the football on the mat here, are you a fan?
Troy nods enthusiastically.
Cross Recoba: Who’s your favorite team?
Troy: THE COWBOYS!!
A large section of the New Mexico crowd cheer. Cross’ face can be seen to momentarily curl into a look of disgust.
Cross Recoba: Can you catch?
Troy nods.
Cross Recoba: Then how about this…in High School, I was a wide-receiver, if I didn’t get injured in one of the last games, I’d have probably have gone to college on a scholarship. So I know what a good pass looks like. You catch three of my passes, you and your dad can go home with this money…sound good?
In the background, Troy’s dad grins eagerly. Cross shakes the dad’s hand and introduces himself.
Cross Recoba: So, Alec, as the adult I need you to sign this waiver to release the money and agree for you both to be on television.
Recoba passes the clipboard and pen to the man who signs immediately. Cross picks up the football and motions for Troy to go into the corner. He passes him a soft pitch that is easily caught.
Cross Recoba: That’s one, Troy. Theoretically, that’s over sixteen grand you just earned.
Getting the football back, Cross points to the next corner and another soft pitch is just as easily taken by the ten-year old.
Cross Recoba: Are you ready for this one, Troy?
Troy nods.
Cross Recoba: Just stay exactly where you are...
Recoba beans the kid at full-pelt straight in the face, dropping him to the floor. His father tries to confront Cross but is met with a kick to the gut and the piledriver lift into Garibaldi’s Guillotine. Alec lets out a wail of pain but all he can see is the waiver he signed. It reads…
INDEMNITY AGAINST INJURY INSIDE THE RING
HKW Road Agents swarm the ring as we cut to the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She wears a holiday sweater that says “Don’t Hog The Nog”
Judy Valentine Jr.: Hello , thank you for coming in today, Marty.
Marty Donovan: No problem! Honestly, you’re doing me a favor. I was suppose to be at a screening of Strange World.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Would you like a candy?
Hands out a bowl of Wurther’s Originals
Marty Donovan: Well, just one. I need to be in shape for an upcoming Avatar cosplay.
Marty takes one.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I just needed to talk to you about your expenses, Marty. As you know, it’s my job. This is a business and it’s not what you draw, it’s what you save by skimping on bare essentials. It says here you rented a KIA Rio to drive from Boston to Providence?
Marty Donovan: Providence? Oh, that must have been Phil. I had tickets to the Magic game, so we did a little twin magic.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Well if you need to ride in style do it on your own dime. I’ve reserved a Datsun for you to drive to Denver.
Marty Donovan: I didn’t know they still made those?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Jonnie knows a guy from back in the day. Pretzel Rod?
Judy hands out a container of Rold’s Gold’s
Marty Donovan: I really shouldn’t. Oh, hell, it is the holidays.
Marty takes one.
Judy Valentine Jr.: The next item is it says here you got extra towels at the Best Western in Prescott?
Marty Donovan: We ran Prescott? Oh, that was while I was on a Disney cruise. Again, Phil must have used my name. Wait, is this why blue chew and Cat Fancy keep getting mailed to my house?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Look, Nature Boy. Next time, remember. Pretend Jonnie Valentine himself is sleeping in the bed next to you. I’ll give you some time to picture it.
Marty pictures it in his mind before shuddering.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Fiddle Faddle?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up, newcomer Gavin Drake who had an impressive debut in Providence with a win over The Rookie…
Phillip Blauer: Who has had a lackluster rookie decade to say the least.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, he takes on the large poet Ruben Bowman.
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands. The fans taunt him about getting tased by Makoto Jupiter at Hardkore Helloween 2022 by mocking him with tasers they brought from home until he throws the quill and parchment to the ground in anger and stomps to the ring.
Phillip Blauer: These uncouth plebeians. This is what made Picasso cut off his ear.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Gogh.
Phillip Blauer: He wasn’t even a poet. You’re worse than they are.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman got eliminated from Hardkore Helloween 2022 when Ri Eun-Ae hit him with a taser when he seemingly had Tuxedo Mask ready for the end, and denying him a title shot against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan. He doesn’t look very happy and I expect Gavin Drake is in for a bad night because of it. Earlier he taunted Drake about how upset Donzig would be if Drake wasn’t successful in this contest, trying to get inside his head.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center boos, then the lights go down. A dim white back light starts.
'Impermanence' by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black. The fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Left Hand of the Scourge, Gavin Drake. He is a former AWA British Champion from across the pond. He is Donzig’s protege, though currently they are definitely on the outs.
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the Albuquerque crowd before he throws a fist in the air.
Phillip Blauer: Which seems unfair, if Drake wants a little drinky poo here and there, what business is it of Donzig?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donzig demands complete and total focus, and Drake has clearly let his demons retake him.
Phillip Blauer: I can smell your egg nog from here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: (gives Phil a raspberry, as he begins slurring) It’s the holidays, man. Just…that’s so unfair, like… How can you…how can you…This is probably illegal. You know?
Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake says he is here to teach Hardkore World about extreme violence, as well as take the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Guillermo O’Bannon: But first things first, he has Ruben Bowman in front of him tonight. Gavin Drake seems unimpressed with Ruben Bowman, but the angry poet has four inches on him. Bowman could easily catch Drake by surprise with that superior strength and range.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, He is the Blood of Kings…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The New Mexico fans jeer. Emily Black leaves the ring with Greg Jin
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Ruben Bowman vs. Gavin Drake
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. Ruben Bowman and Gavin Drake circle one another until they lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman backs Drake into the corner with his superior size. Kelly O’Connell calling for a clean break here.
Phillip Blauer: These two are professionals and I’m sure that…
Ruben Bowman grabs Drake by the hair and pulls him into a standing reverse chinlock. Kelly O’Connell asks him about the hair, and Bowman shakes his head, denying any knowledge of such things
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman grabs him by the hair again, this time dragging him to the mat with the reverse chinlock.
The audience tries to tell Kelly O’Connell about the hair pull, but Bowman again denies it. He locks his hands together and tries to crush Drake’s jawline with his massive forearm
Phillip Blauer: Kelly really needs to stop accusing poets of wrongdoing. It’s just common sense
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman flattens out his body, putting pressure on the back of Drake’s head. Drake twists and turns until he’s able to work his way back to his feet, with Ruben hanging on to the reverse chinlock.
Gavin Drake drives his elbow into Bowman’s stomach to loosen the chinlock. A second elbow frees him and he runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman backdrops him high into the air! He picks Gavin Drake up and lifts him high into the air with a textbook suplex.
Phillip Blauer: Ah, but the type of textbook where you tear out the introduction page, stand on your desk and say “O’Captain, My Captain.” Which is, as we all know, a poem about Captain Crunch.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman tosses Gavin Drake across the ring with a high beal throw!
Phillip Blauer: “Our fearful trip is done, The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won. We have killed The Soggies who make thy cereal icky. We rained thy hands down across their crown, as their milk splashed onto our faces until they were all sticky…”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman irish whips Gavin Drake into the corner and then follows him in with an avalanche!
Bowman shoots him to the other corner, and runs in with a big clothesline, but Drake moves out of the way. Bowman backpedals a little, and Gavin Drake hits him with a lariat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake pulls Bowman up into a front facelock, and then rolls around into a neckbreaker!
Ruben Bowman sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Bowman staggers up, only to get DDT’d back to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake applies an STF. He locks those hands underneath Bowman’s chin and peels back on his head.
The Rio Rancho Events Center boos. Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Bowman wants to tap out as Emily Black looks on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake cranks back on Bowman’s head but Ruben refuses to give up.
Bowman crawls over to the ropes and uses that long frame to reach out and grab the ropes. Kelly O’Connell calls for a break, and after a few seconds Drake relents
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman back onto this feet and is ready for Drake. He hits him between the eyes with a few hard right hands backing off Drake. But Gavin Drake cuts him off with a heart punch.
Bowman goes down to one knee, clutching his chest. Gavin Drake hits the ropes and tattoos him with a basement dropkick. Emily Black applauds on the outside while Drake yells at the booing audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman slowly gets to his feet, Drake comes in with a spear, but Bowman catches him with an overhead belly to belly suplex!
Drake sits up in disbelief while Emily tries to reassure him but Bowman is right on top of him, butterflying his arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman double underhook suplexes the 253 pound Gavin Drake across the ring with ease!
Ruben Bowman pulls Drake up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. He catches Drake on the way back with a full powerslam
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Gavin Drake kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman presses Drake over his head!
Phillip Blauer: Look at the strength of that bard!
The Albuquerque fans boo until Bowman deposits Gavin Drake down to the mat. Bowman does a little curtsey that doesn’t sit well with them either
Phillip Blauer: What is wrong with these New Mexicans?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman runs up the turnbuckles and has to set himself for the moonsault, but Emily Black jumps up on the apron and sprays a black mist into Bowman’s eyes!!
Bowman clutches his eyes, blinded and then loses his footing, crotching himself on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook. The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos
Phillip Blauer: This should inspire a sad sonnet about his testicals. Those can be good.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake peels him back into a tree of woe, then backs up, running into another basement dropkick to the upside down poet!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!!” and then Bowman crumbles to the mat. Gavin Drake pulls him up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry, but Bowman slips off his shoulders and irish whips him into the ropes. He catches Drake with his black hold slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: Black Hole Slam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Taurus Shines” plays and Ruben Bowman rolls out of the ring like he stole something with his arm raised. Gavin Drake complains about a fast count to Kelly O’Connell as she explains to Drake and Emily Black it was legit
Greg Jin: “At 8 minutes 26 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with an upset over Gavin Drake and I would not like to be Drake when Donzig finds out about this.
Phillip Blauer: I would take being anyone over you.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hurtful.
Gavin Drake kicks the bottom rope in anger as the fans boo
Open the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She drinks from a mug that says “I Love My Grandcats” as Malcolm Xavier Graves sits on the other side of her.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Thank you for coming in, Mr. Graves.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Of course.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Can I offer you anything? Slim Jim?
Judy motions to a full container of Slim Jim’s behind her
Malcolm Xavier Graves: No, thank you.
Judy Valentine Jr.: The reason I called you in here today is it came to my attention after you used your cane during a recent match that you would be classified as a disabled employee. Am I to understand you have an injury that requires a cane? Otherwise, obviously there would be no reason to have such a thing at ringside.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Um, yes, obviously…you see, I had a…long time ago there was…and, the body is a funny thing, you see…
Judy Valentine Jr.: Uh huh, would you like some Combos?
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Hmm? No, thank you.
Judy Valentine Jr.: You sure? These are the ones with the pretzels and the nacho cheese. I just love em.
Judy has a couple Combos. Her crunching is the only thing breaking the silence until Evan Valentine Jr.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Hey Aunt Judy. Hey Mr. Graves.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Hello, young Evan.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Hey Aunt Judy? Can I have the 31st off? I gotta dentist’s appointment that night.
Judy Valentine Jr.: You have a dentist’s appointment on New Year’s Eve?
Evan Valentine Jr.: Swear to God. I’s mad as hell. I’m like “Nah, I gotta work that night and do some boring bullshit in the back but they’re like ‘Sorry that’s the only night he has. Otherwise it’s like May or some shit.”
Judy Valentine Jr.: That’s awful, sweetie. I’ll have to have you switch with Kevin or Lance, but if that’s the only night he can do it, we can make it work.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Thanks, Aunt Judy.
Evan leaves
Judy Valentine Jr.: That boy. Can’t keep a schedule straight. If it’s not church on Friday night, it’s a family emergency at Mardi Gras. God bless em. But anyway, we can give you a parking space at the front of the building and an extra 3% of the gate if you promise not to sue us for not being compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: (eyes light up) Absolutely.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Just sign here, and here.
MXG hands her back the paper work and leaves the cubicle.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Honey? You forgot your cane.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Ah, silly me.
Graves takes the cane and pretends to need it to walk
Judy Valentine Jr.: Thank you.
Open back on the Rancho Rio Events Center at ringside with Guillermo and Phil. Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. counts them down then cues them
Guillermo O’Bannon: And we’re back with a match I’ve been looking forward to all night. Cross Recoba takes on the young Little Dragon. Ever since Cross Recoba debuted at Hardkore Helloween 2022, he has taunted the Hardkore World fans that he is going to show them what real wrestling is. These same fans who have watched Hardkore World since 1989, Cross Recoba is claiming that they don’t know what real wrestling is.
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba has been successful wherever he has plied his craft. And he is only speaking the truth about the people that come to these shows. You see, you live in a bubble, while I have shared one silent elevator ride with “the people”. Let me tell you, it took three washes to get the smell of Fritos out of my jacket. My wife Dorothy’s maid was furious!
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames before "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator. The Albuquerque fans cheer
Images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. He nods at the loud pop he gets from the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon lasted 40 minutes in the Hardkore Helloween barbed wire battle royal and picked up some impressive wins in Providence and Prescott, Arizona, and is familiar with Cross Recoba from AWF. He says that Hardkore World is his home, and Cross Recoba is the one infringing on his territory.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Phillip Blauer: I have to admit, that is a perfect dragon stance.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon has been anticipating this match, while mocking Cross Recoba as being aloof and unwilling to work for success. He says tonight is where he proves to be the better wrestler.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; The Dragon of All Trades…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The 7,000 strong crowd lets out a loud pop while Little Dragon stares at the entrance way
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the Rancho Rio Events Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The HCW Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The New Mexico crowd responds with a cavalcade of boos and jeers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, the owner of Tap Out, fresh off of a series of just despicable incidents where he has hurt fans, not to mention exposed Hardkore World to a litany of legal jeopardy, all to prove that his Garibaldi's Guillotine is one of the most painful submissions in all of wrestling. And it is.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: He illustrated that in Providence, Rhode Island by putting that poor kid just trying to enjoy his best friend’s bachelor party in the Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Phillip Blauer: He was just preparing the groom for the life of pain he has ahead of him! Huh?
Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. gives Phil his rimshot at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s just you, Phil. I like my wife. She made me this lunch.
Guillermo holds up a sack lunch that says “Memo” on it written in red sharpie with hearts around it. Cross Recoba holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more venomous response from the Hardkore World fans, and begins down the ramp still holding it aloft.
Phillip Blauer: No, you know what I mean. Like, don't you hate it when you try to show your girl a movie you liked when you were younger and she keeps passing away and getting revived by your home medical team?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Still just you, Phil. Then earlier tonight, Cross Recoba just made an embarrassment of himself, assaulting a 10 year old boy by tossing a football into his face at full speed, and putting his father in Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Phillip Blauer: Look parents have to understand, when you buy a ticket to a Hardkore World show, there’s a small but not non-existent chance you or your child will be seriously hurt.
Cross Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Life is good for Cross Recoba. Tap Out is doing incredible numbers, and he has that HCW Diamond title which means a shot at the XHF X Crown whenever he wants it.
Recoba sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to heckle and boo even louder. He points to a fan holding a sign that says “Make Cross Bleed”
Guillermo O’Bannon: He came out here earlier and ran down Hardkore World as garbage wrestling, which is the reason for the rather passionate reaction from some of the fans here.
Phillip Blauer: That’s just uncouth.
Cross stands to his full height and smirks at Little Dragon, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, standing 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing 230 pounds, From Las Vegas, Nevada, The Self-Proclaimed 'Box Office Smash of the XHF Network'...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Ranch Rio Event Center rocks with boos
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Cross Recoba vs. Little Dragon
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Recoba and Dragon begin circling one another
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Blockbuster of the XHF” doesn’t seem impressed with his opponent as he shakes his head with a wave of his hand
Little Dragon frowns, then shrugs before he steps in to start battering kicks at Cross Recoba’s legs and sides, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon whacks Cross Recoba in the side of the knee with another stiff kick, and then fires him off the ropes. He levels Cross with a crossbody!
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
The fans cheer, and Dragon Belt gets up and drops an immediate elbow drop on him and makes another cover
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon taking advantage of Cross Recoba’s confidence early here.
Phillip Blauer: Cross’ position that this entire company is completely beneath him is a core belief. He cannot let Little Dragon shake that in any way.
The Albuquerque crowd cheers as Recoba rolls rolls to his feet with a look of frustration
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes in with another kick, but Recoba catches his foot!
The cheers turn to jeers as Cross Recoboa shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba jerks Little Dragon forward by the leg to slam a hard elbow into his face!
The fans start chanting “Fuck You Cross! Fuck You Cross! Fuck You Cross!” Recoba smirks before he stomps a boot into Little Dragon’s gut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba drags Little Dragon to his feet, and snap irish whips him into the corner before he hits a dropkick on the rebound!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!” and Little Dragon is down again.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Dragon up by the mask and snaps a kick into his stomach. He grabs him in a front facelock, and then rolls him around into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Cross Recoba reaches back to make an arrogant pin with a smirk across his face
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The crowd cheers, and Cross Recoba nods to himself
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba grabs Little Dragon by the mask and bounces his head against the mat a few times!!
The boos get louder as finally Cross Recoba is dragged off of Little Dragon by Tommy Milligan. Cross yells “How dare you!” while Tommy Milligan points at his referee shirt and demands some respect
Phillip Blauer: If he’s going to invoke that shirt for respect, he should wash it from time to time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Little Dragon to his feet, hooks him up and nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots.
Cross Recoba goes for another pin, but Little Dragon twists as he grabs his arm to jerk Cross off balance. His legs coil, and he slams Cross to the mat as he locks on an armbar, making the fans cheer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon caught Cross with that armbar and is now making him pay. He wrenches back on it as Cross reaches for the ropes.
Tommy Milligan checks to see if Cross Recoba is close enough to the ropes to call for a break. Little Dragon plants his feet and hauls Recoba back with his armbarred arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: 15 years ago, in 2007, Little Dragon saw his father, Dragon Belt team with Tong Fairtex and they competed in the Hardkore World Tag Team title tournament here in Albuquerque. They beat Matt David & Johnny Carso in the first round, but lost to The Bozzini Brothers in the second.
Cross Recoba inches closer and closer to the ropes, and finally latches on to the bottom rope. Tommy Milligan calls for a break and Little Dragon rolls away as he motions for him to rise. Cross pulls himself up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon charges in as Cross ducks low and backdrops him over the ropes to the outside!
Little Dragon lands on his feet and the crowd cheers his show of agility but he turns around into a dropkick from Cross Recoba who has leapt over the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: A Million Lira Dropkick!! I have to hand it to Cross Recoba, that was spectacular.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t go trying to jump on the bandwagon now. It’s all full and I like to man spread.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ew. Cross Recoba grabs Little Dragon and presses his throat across the barricade!
Recoba mocks the jeering fans, but they don’t dare get close to him as he chokes Little Dragon on the railing
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba drives the small of Dragon’s back into the side of the apron. He lifts Dragon up onto his shoulder and then drives him face first into the ringpost!!
Little Dragon is bleeding through his mask as he hits the floor and Recoba rolls inside to break the count with a smirk at Tommy Milligan. The fans jeer as he rolls back outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba now disrespectfully slapping Little Dragon across the head a few times!
Cross Recoba scoops him up and flings Little Dragon inside of the ring. He climbs back inside, and climbs the corner as he eyes up the fallen opponent
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba with a flying elbow, but Little Dragon rolls out of the way and Recoba hits the canvas below!!
The crowd comes to life as Cross Recoba rolls on the mat, clutching his elbow and shaking his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time, and grabs him to lock on the dragon sleeper!
Phillip Blauer: The Little Dragon Sleeper. So tiny.
The New Mexico fans are on their feet, and Cross arches backwards as Little Dragon tightens the hold. Tommy Milligan checks in but Cross shakes his head, refusing to quit. as he reaches for the rope with his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon rolls back on Recoba’s head and neck, trying to forve a submission, but Cross finally snags the bottom rope with his toe.
Phillip Blauer: If you only knew how many times I was saved by a toe.
The Rancho Rio Events Center boos as Tommy Milligan calls for the break. Little Dragon hops up, driving a stiff kick to Recoba’s spine. The crowd lets out another “OH!” at the sound of Dragon’s boot hitting Recoba’s back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon pulls Cross Recoba up into a rear waistlock, and then drops him on the back of his head with a bridging german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon hits Cross Recoba with a right hand that backs him into the corner, but Recoba answers with a knife edge chop.
The fans boo. Dragon fires back with a forearm smash, and the crowd cheers. Recoba lights him up with another hard chop and some more jeers. Little Dragon cracks Recoba in the jaw with an elbow that gets a pop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba ducks a punch from Little Dragon, does a go behind, and then hits him with another blistering chop that backs Dragon into the corner. He climbs over top of him and starts hammering him with punches from the second rope! Punch after punch really opening up Little Dragon.
Tommy Milligan pulls Cross Recoba off and he jaws with the fans chanting “Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!” Little Dragon leans across the top rope, bleeding on it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba irish whips Little Dragon into the ropes and catches him with a side slam with an elbow drop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon gets his shoulder up!
Cross glares at Tommy Milligan, who holds up two fingers. Recoba argues with him about the count while Little Dragon slowly gets to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba still getting into it with senior official Tommy Milligan.
Phillip Blauer: Good, the guy is as crooked as dog’s hind leg. He should show him who’s boss day one.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba sees an oncoming Little Dragon out of the corner of his eye and catches him with a kick to the guts. He sits out into a facebuster!
Little Dragon leaves a bloodstain on the mat, and Cross smirks at Tommy Milligan as he rolls Dragon over for the pin
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The fans cheer, and Cross wipes a hand across his face. Recoba pulls Little Dragon up once more, and hits him with a few stiff punches, backing him into the corner.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba irish whips him, but Little Dragon reverses it and shoots Recoba into the corner. A bloody Little Dragon backs up and charges in with a stinger splash!
The crowd cheers and Recoba sags against the turnbuckles. Little Dragon steps up onto the second rope and jumps off with a tornado DDT
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba puts his foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The fans are on the edge of their seats as Little Dragon climbs to the top turnbuckle, while Cross Recoba is staggering to his feet!
Little Dragon jumps off for his backstabber but Recoba turns around and avoids it. He counters with a sitout shirunai
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sicilian Typewriter!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Cross Recoba smirks at them. He lifts Little Dragon up into a styles clash and then holds him up there in a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ve seen this before, Garibaldi's Guillotine!! He bends Little Dragon in half, rocking backwards until he is forced to submit!
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and the boos get louder Cross Recoba drops Little Dragon while “My Name is Human” by Highly Suspect plays
Greg Jin: “At 15 minutes 43 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
Tommy Milligan raises Cross Recoba’s hand who quickly snatches it away and then raises his own arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Impressive win here in Albuquerque for Cross Recoba over Little Dragon. That Garibaldi's Guillotine looks like it could end a match immediately, and could be the weapon to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Or is he here scouting a seasoned color commentator to poach for Tap Out? It’s what all the dirtpapers are saying.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirtsheets.
Phillip Blauer: You’re disgusting, you know that?
Cross Recoba confidently strides back up the ramp, sometimes ignoring the middle fingers, and sometimes arguing with a drunk girl and her timid boyfriend who’s been waiting for John Cena to come out all night
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon gave him everything he had tonight, even spilling alot of his blood, and now the fans giving him a nice ovation for his effort. He has really won their respect tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah well that and a dollar won’t get you a fried bread taco. I tried.
Open to the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She wears a Christmas sweater that says “If Mom Says No, Ask Grandma”. She’s mostly ignoring Syberus while she stares at her laptop.
Syberus: I’m sorry, Jonnie said you need something?
Judy Valentine Jr.: …
The two continue to sit in silence while Judy continues to look at her compute, her face inches away from the screen
Judy Valentine Jr.: Oh poo. Lamar Jackson is hurt.
Syberus: Who?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Lamar Jackson. He’s on my fantasy football team. Do you play fantasy football?
Syberus: No, but I do have a level 17 Paladin in my Dungeons & Dragons campaign that's pretty fun.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m in like five of them. A few years ago, I didn’t even like football. I still don’t. But I just like something to follow every day, and the rush from beating someone like Carol in finance. My husband Bill says it’s too much, but then he goes to the casino every payday and that’s why we don’t have cable. Sorry. Why are you here?
Syberus: YOU sent for ME. One of the biggestlegendstars ever in this- here I am at the behest of the Human Resources department. Why am I here?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Right, right. (talking to herself) Get your head on straight, Judy. I’m just…I cannot lose to Carol in finance, you know? Anyway, this isn't human resources, honey. Believe me, you don't want to get pulled in by human resources. So Jonnie has requested that I tell you that he is a huge fan of yours and really thanks you for the years you and he held the SWAT Tag Team Championships and winning the Anzac Cup Tag Team Tournament.
Syberus: Oh well, thank you I…
Judy Valentine Jr.: However…
Syberus: Bloody hell…
Judy Valentine Jr.: We would like to gently remind you that call time at the building is 3:00. That’s American time, not British time. I thought that might be the issue. We need you there for pre-show interviews.
Syberus: And who complained about this?
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m not at liberty to discuss that.
Syberus: Was it Kevin Valentine Jr.?
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m not at liberty to discuss that, but yes. Also, the athletic commission needs to take your blood pressure.
Syberus: So they can get their bribe?
Judy Valentine Jr.: So they can get their bribe, yes. Thank you so much for coming in, and Andy can validate your parking.
Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr., along with Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. put the finishing touches on steel cage wrapped around the ring, pulling on the steel mesh to make sure it’s stable.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match these fans have been anticipating all night, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: Ah yes, The Anointed will be attempting to add to their gold with…
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, the rubber match between XHF Junior Heavyweight and Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter and The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: It appears to be a steel cage match, bucko.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Do not call me bucko. It all started back in June in San Diego, where The Sheik defeated the then masked, Lynx in the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Championship tournament. Then in October in Phoenix, Eron Hunter beat Sheik for the West Coast title in a bloody contest where Sheik tore off his Lynx mask.
Phillip Blauer: Is that who was under that cat mask?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, Phil, we’ve been over this.
Phillip Blauer: I can’t believe it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil…
Phillip Blauer: That whole time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now, Eron Hunter gives The Sheik his rematch, but this time in it’s in a steel cage.
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the fans jeer as Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out first. He surveys the fans with a sneer, and then out blows The Sheik through the curtain behind him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The former Hardkore West Coast Champion is as dangerous as I’ve ever seen him. He lasted over an hour and was the last man eliminated in The Hardkore Helloween match, and eliminating J-Rok owner Kira Izumi. Now he’s set his sights on getting his Hardkore West Coast Championship belt back.
The crowd heckles MXG as he walks by ignoring them. The Sheik cocks his fist at several of them as them back away
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves is claiming that the steel cage is a disadvantage for Eron Hunter, because it eliminates Graves’ ability to protect Hunter from The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: The man just wants to help. And we crucify him for that these days?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik saying he will shatter Hunter’s calm…
Phillip Blauer: What an awful thing to do to someone. Should be illegal.
Guillermo O’Bannon: …and take back his Hardkore West Coast title using all that the cage to brutalize him, and those rough tactics is what allowed him to win their encounter in San Diego this summer.
A fan gets on Malcolm Xavier Graves’ jacket and Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. runs over and separates them. The Sheik comes at the fan and Larry holds him back
Phillip Blauer: There you go, Larry. Way to de-escalate.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sorry you had to see that, fans. But it just goes to show you the level of vitriol the Hardkore crowds have for Malcolm Xavier Graves and his client, The Sheik.
In the fracas, MXG grabs a sign that says “Eron: Best in the West!” from a fan’s hand and tears it in half. Sheik pushes past Larry Valentine, and goes after the guy who grabbed his manager
Guillermo O’Bannon: Danny? Can we cut to something?
Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. accidentally cuts to backstage where Hardkore stick man Kevin Valentine Jr. is getting his make up applied.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not that.
Danny punches back to ringside where Larry Valentine Jr. has resolved the situation and Malcolm Xavier Graves is climbing the ringsteps. MXG holds open the cage door and The Sheik enters the ring
Greg Jin: “The following match is a Steel Cage Match for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The Albuquerque fans drown out Greg
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Great King of Terrori…THE SHEIK!!!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center thunders boos down on The Sheik and MXG
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the fans leap to their feet. Eron Hunter walks out with the Hardkore West Coast Championship wrapped around his waist. He smiles at the huge ovation from the New Mexico crowd, and then starts walking to the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter proved a lot to people when he successfully defended that Hardkore West Coast Championship against Alexander Von Blankenship in that hostile environment in Boston at Hardkore Helloween 2022. Then in Liverpool, England at Wrestle UK’s Aftermath in Liverpool, he defeated Daigo Arakawa for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship. And he believes he proved to everyone that he can withstand a tremendous amount of punishment and still come back and win it.
Eron Hunter slaps the fans’ hands as he keeps one eye on the cage
Phillip Blauer: That crazy mask was distracting Sheik the last time. All of it’s pretty colors and fabrics. I almost tore it off myself a few times. He became preoccupied by tearing it off and it may have cost him the belt. That won’t be a problem this time, I hope.
Eron Hunter steps through the cage door, with the Hardkore West Coast title slung over his shoulder now
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter says he can take whatever The Sheik is thinking of doing to him in this cage, and will come back like he did in his win over him last time, but who knows what former West Coast champ is capable of in the confines of the cage.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
The audience cheers the loudest pop of the night as Hunter holds up his Hardkore West Coast Championship. No sooner has MXG left the cage than the Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. begins to close the door. Before the men have stepped away from the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik has rushed Eron ahead of the bell! The Great King of Terror swarms Eron with a flurry of quick-fire punches that trap the West Coast Champion into the corner. Kelly O’Connell rushes to get herself between the two men and does so successfully.
The match official backs the challenger away from Eron, the camera capturing the newly reinforced determination etched on his face. O’Connell calls for the bell as a roar erupts from the Rio Rancho Events Center crowd.
HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP
Steel Cage Match
Eron Hunter vs. The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: No sooner has O’Connell stepped aside than Eron Hunter leaps forward amd connects with a flying forearm that knocks down The Sheik! You can see the pent up anger these two have had for each other just boiling over right now!
Hunter stays on top of the Sheik in a full-mount and unleashes with short, closed-fist punches that connect with the forehead of the Arabian as the fans root him on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter lifting up his long-time foe, and irish whips him to the ropes. A leg lariat takes him down The Sheik!
Quick to his feet, The Sheik has no time to stop the continuing onslaught as Hunter once more closes the space between them with a flurry of forearms aimed squarely at the head of The Sheik.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves’ charge now finds himself against the ropes. Eron Hunter hits him with a european uppercut that rocks The Sheik against the ropes. Sheik staggers forward a step into a snap-suplex!
The crowd chants “ LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*”
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is what Eron Hunter was missing in Boston. Just listen to these people.
Phillip Blauer: Honestly, I don’t get it. Is it because of his good looks? I’ve got those. Is it the sweet way he talks to his lover in the light rain on a warm Sicily evening?
Feeding off the energy of the crowd, Eron lifts The Sheik to his feet by his hair and kicks him in the midsection to double him over
Guillermo O’Bannon Eron Hunter gives him a lifting knee that sends The Sheik backwards, and then hits him with a dropkick to take him down!
Cutting to the outside, the cameras show Malcolm Xavier Graves waving his cane in anger at the start his client has made to the match
Guillermo O’Bannon Hunter drives a knee into Sheik’s head and rolls through. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and backflips into a moonsault!
…ONE!
…Sheik kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik wasted no time kicking out there, it’s not gonna be that easy a day at the office.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion picks him up but The Sheik rakes the eyes as he rises! With Hunter’s hands over his face, The Sheik shoots a rabbit punch into Hunter’s throat!
As Hunter looks for air, The Sheik takes advantage with a series of quick shots to the head of Eron, pushing him into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter gets caught with a running back elbow to the head that forces him further against the turnbuckle! Sheik whips a chop across the chest!
The fans “Woo!” and The Shiek follows it up with a driven knee that rises into the rib-cage of Eron. The look of intensity clear on his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws wild punches that achieve their goal of beating Hunter down into the corner. He pushes his boot into Eron’s throat, choking him out.
Phillip Blauer: You see? This is one of those moments where we could have used MXG’s help. But there’s a cage so he can’t.
The Albuquerque fans boo as Kelly O’Connell can be seen looking unhappy but helpless to stop the act. Satisfied that the damage has been done, The Sheik rolls him into the center of the ring, leaving him seated
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik runs into the ropes and throws a knee through the back of Hunter’s head!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” and Malcolm Xavier Graves can be heard laughing off camera
Guillermo O’Bannon: Clearly working from a game plan, The Sheik heads to the corner and rips off the top turnbuckle cover!
Phillip Blauer: Why must you see something nefarious in everything? He could be merely replacing it because it appeared to be dirty. You know staph infection is a lurking danger in our athletic world. I did a sweeps piece about it a few years back. “The Killer Leaking Out Our Pores”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter, now on his feet, rushes to get back on the offensive but eats an elbow to the side of the head.
The Sheik grabs the hair of Eron and tries to ram his head into the turnbuckle, Eron blocks it with his foot on the second turnbuckle and elbows The Sheik.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sicilian now tries to slam the head of The Sheik down onto the exposed metal, but no joy as Sheik also uses the middle turnbuckle. He swings the foot back and low blows Hunter!
The Rancho Rio Events Center jeers and then Eron is thrown between the ropes and directly into the steel cage shoulder first!! Hunter helps in pain and rolls on the mat, holding his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: With the Champion prone on the floor, The Sheik drives heavy boots into the neck of Eron Hunter.
Malcolm Xavier Graves accompanies each stomp with a jab of the air from his cane.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik holds onto Hunter’s hair and delivers one more kick. He lifts Eron up by his hair and starts to bite his forehead!
There are boos mixed with cries from children at the sight of Sheik chewing on Hunter’s forehead. He follows it up by raking Hunter’s over the top rope, walking him to the corner
Phillip Blauer: Sick burn.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now uses the tag rope to choke Eron Hunter!
The jeering is deafening as Hunter kicks his legs out, looking for any possible avenue to stop The Sheik from squeezing the life out of him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Releasing his grip, The Sheik lets Eron Hunter stagger forward before planting him with a one-handed bulldog.
Seeing his opportunity, The Sheik jumps to the top turnbuckle. He leaps off with a flying leg drop but Hunter rolls out of the way and there’s no water in the pool
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men rush to their feet to get the upper hand. The Sheik swings a punch wildly but Hunter ducks it, and counters with an enzuigiri that connects with the Sheik’s skull dropping him to his knees. Hunter then grabs him with a spike hurricanrana!!
The fans cheer wildly. Reacting on instinct, The Sheik rolls to his knees but Eron has him marked with a shining wizard. Again he goes for the cover
…ONE!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter grabs the arm to bring Sheik to his feet, but whips him into a short-arm elbow to the temple that sends The Sheik back.
As Sheik staggers, dazed, Hunter hits the ropes and takes him out with a spinning heel kick! Before Sheik has a chance to recover, Hunter flips into a standing senton
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter returns to the arm, twisting it as he yanks The Sheik to his feet and whips them to the corner. Eron charges in with a jumping roundhouse kick that finds it’s mark!
Eron Hunter atomic drops Sheik up on the top turnbuckle, then steps up to the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter with a regal superplex on The Sheik from the second turnbuckle!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik gets his shoulder up
Assessing his options, the West Coast Champion looks to the cage but decides against it. He rips the Sheik to his feet and looks for an Irish whip
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik reverses it into a stun gun, guiding Eron’s face into the exposed turnbuckle!!
With Eron now prone on the floor, the cameras spot the moment he realizes that blood runs down his head. Urged on from the outside by Malcolm Xavier Graves, Sheik grabs Eron by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws Eron Hunter headfirst through the ropes into the cage!!
A bleeding Hunter staggers back into Sheik who scoops him up into a michinoku driver II
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Malcolm Xavier Graves tries to push his cane through the cage to The Sheik but Kelly O’Connell
Phillip Blauer: Oh, come on! He’s just trying to help.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Seeing his manager thwarted, Sheik turns to a back-up plan. He picks up Hunter and headbutts him before whipping him to the corner. Sheik barrages in with a spinning heel kick!
The Albuquerque fans boo. Seeing Hunter’s legs buckle, The Sheik throws a dropkick and rolls back. Meanwhile, MXG throws a chair over the cage wall but the leg gets caught on the chain link inside the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hits a seated Eron Hunter in the face with a running knee in the corner!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!” at the sight of Hunter’s head rocking back into the second turnbuckle. The Sheik climbs the ropes and retrieves the chair, and sets it up near the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws Eron Hunter from the corner and runs into the ropes. He steps on the chair, vaults off into onto the middle of the top rope and backflips into a triple jump moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Enraged, Sheik forces Eron to his feet and lifts him up for an atomic drop, then just launches him into the cage!!
Hanging perilously, the West Coast Champion is helpless to stop a rope-hung DDT taking him back to the mat.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: SCIMITAR!!
Phillip Blauer: My sentiments exactly. I’m glad someone finally had the grapes to say it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron’s face now painted red with his own blood so he cannot prevent The Sheik from hauling him to his feet. Sheik irish whips him into the ropes but when he spins for the black mass kick Eron Hunter rolls through into a fujiwara armbar!
The crowd comes to life! Maneuvering his body to make sure he can lock the hold in, Eron’s hair is now matted to his head with the blood.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell asks him if he wants to quit, she receives nothing verbally but a vehement shake of the head that tells her The Sheik isn’t going out like this right now.
Malcolm Xavier Graves climbs halfway up the side of the cage on the outside and tosses his cane over the top of the cage into the ring. The fans boo while Eron Hunter continues to push up on Sheik’s forearm and shoulder
Phillip Blauer: Oh dear, it appears MXG has lost his cane. Someone should probably get it back to the poor chap.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jonnie Valentine signed this match to a steel cage to keep Malcolm Xavier Graves out but it is failing to do so. The Sheik can see the cane is within his grasp. He reaches over and swings the cane into the side of Hunter’s head to break the hold!!
The boos rain down on The Sheik as he tosses the cane aside. Both men are slow to get up and instead head to opposite sides of the ring to use the ropes to get back to a vertical base
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter gets to his feet first but unsteadily. He charges in and connects with a forearm to the head of the rising Sheik!. Sheik fires back with one of his own! Both men rapidly fire off strikes to the head of each other with no one giving any ground up!
The Rancho Rio Events Center chants” FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik grabs the head of Eron Hunter and delivers another sickening headbutt. He swings for a huge punch, but Eron ducks and a double chicken wing suplex sends Sheik headfirst into the exposed steel turnbuckle!!
Still unsteady as he gets to his feet, the Hardkore West Coast Champion looks over his shoulder and sees The Sheik clutching his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter begins climbing the cage!
Phillip Blauer: He’s scared. Who wouldn’t be? The Sheik is deranged.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Eron quickly finds himself half-way up the structure, he tries to lift his leg up…but Malcolm Xavier Graves has climbed up the other side!
The fans boo and Eron Hunter swings his leg over and tries to kick MXG down, but Graves grabs on to Hunter’s leg and holds on for dear life
Phillip Blauer: The poor guy is trying not to fall to the floor. He doesn’t have his cane now for heaven’s sake!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Someone has to get Graves out of here! Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. asks “Who me?” then pretends to get a call on his phone and walks away
Phillip Blauer: That thing hasn’t been hooked up in months.
Hunter frees himself of Malcolm Xavier Graves’ arm and kicks him down to keep the him at bay. He looks backwards and spots The Sheik getting to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter backflips into a moonsault DDT off the top turnbuckle!!
The audience chants “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik is down but Eron is’t faring much better.
Eron Hunter holds his head, the blood now starting to dry and crust on his forehead. MXG can be heard rattling the cage hoping to stir his charge. Rolling onto his front, Hunter makes his way towards his The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: As Hunter lifts The Sheik up we see that he too now sports a crimson mask.
With an audible grunt, Eron lifts up The Sheik onto his shoulder and runs but The Sheik pushes off into a facebuster! The crowd noise drops from a crescendo to a whisper, MXG’s now pleased instructions rising above everything.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wrenching Eron to a vertical base, The Sheik overhand slaps the chest of the champion and scoops him up for a slam. He rushes Eron directly into the cage!!
The audience lets out a big “OH!” at the sound of Hunter’s head hitting the steel, and then Sheik sits out into an owen driver ‘97!! The Sheik looks around at the crowd who now bay for his blood. He smiles to himself as he pulls himself up and walks towards the side of the cage.
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik appears to believe the ex-Lynx has suffered enough and is ready to collect his title.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But when Eron Hunter does it, he’s scared?
Phillip Blauer: Like a bunny.
Using the ropes to climb up, The Sheik plants a foot on the steel structure of the cage, heightening the volume of the boos. He reaches up and pulls himself fully onto the cage.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron looks to the cage and sees his rival ascending. Rolling to his feet he starts to steadily make his way towards him.
The roar of the crowd tips off The Sheik of Hunter’s proximity. He looks down to see Eron now atop the turnbuckle and within touching distance.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik shoots a leg down to boot Eron in the head but Hunter dodges it. Eron Hunter catches The Sheik in a full nelson and dragon suplexes him off the cage to the ring below!!
The New Mexico fans chant “THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik looks knocked out cold but the West Coast Champion doesn’t look much better. Kelly O’Connell checks on both men with neither ready to throw in the towel with pride and the title on the line.
Eron gets to his feet to a huge cheer from the crowd.He staggers as he moves towards the cage door. The Albuquerque crowd reach fever-pitch the moment his hand goes to grab the door
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pushes the door open and pushes his head through the door bur Malcolm Xavier Graves slams the door into his head!! Come on!
The volume doesn’t drop but the crowd noise turns on a pinpoint from cheers to near-on riotous jeers. The fans start to chant “YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM!”
Phillip Blauer: (to the fans) Please, have some decency! My wife watches this show when she wonders where I am!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter holds his head and staggers back into a german suplex by The Sheik!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik seems to be feeding off the crowd’s hatred.
Phillip Blauer: I can dig it.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 minutes Remaining.”
The bleeding Sheik points to the turnbuckle and starts to make his way towards it. He climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring and then turning around, The Sheik takes one last look to mark his target on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik backflips into a moonsault but Hunter moves out of the way!!
The Sheik bounces off the mat and Eron Hunter tosses him headfirst into the cage with an exploder suplex, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This time it’s Eron who heads towards the corner for his own moonsault but The Sheik charges and cuts him off with some clubbing blows.
The Sheik leaps to the top turnbuckle and then balances himself on the top of the cage while looking down at Eron Hunter as he staggers up
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off the cage and catches Eron Hunter with a fameasser on the way down!!
The crowd boos as both men lie on the mat, bleeding and exhausted.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: NOW!
The Sheik lurches forward as he tries to make it to the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik starts to climb the cage once more!
The crowd urges on Hunter by chanting “Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap* Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap* Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap*
Phillip Blauer: Stop chanting, Guliani.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not. The Sheik still ascends but wears the pains of the war.
Hunter rolls to his feet and pushes himself to the ropes as he himself starts to scale the same panel of the cage
Phillip Blauer: We’ve got ourselves a race! Care to make it interesting?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No. The Sheik’s climb is neither smooth nor steady. Eron tries to close the gap but he too is in a far worse state than before the night began.
With great effort, The Sheik reaches the top and begins to pull himself over. He sees Eron, closer still but not quite able to pull him back
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion’s face is etched with determination and perhaps some desperation as he picks up the pace of his climb. The Sheik swings a leg over the cage, all he has to do is drop!
Phillip Blauer: Last chance, I’ll bet you Dorothy’s father’s watch. Thing has to be 150 years old. I just need your help getting it out of the nightstand while she sleeps…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron catches him! Both men start to fire off short forearms to the head of the other.
The Albuquerque fans chant “PLEASE DON’T DIE! PLEASE DON’T DIE! PLEASE DON’T DIE!”
Phillip Blauer: That’s touching.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Nine Minutes Have Elapsed. 1 minute Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter catches a punch and drags the Sheik up the cage. He hooks a leg and cradle capture superplexes him from the top of the cage!!
The audience chants “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”! Both men look broken, sharing the same blood-stained warpaint on their faces. Eron crawls at a glacial pace to The Sheik and drapes an arm over him.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays as Kelly O’Connell calls for the bell as Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine and Hardkore Medical David Valentine Jr. rush the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter did what he said he was going to do and that’s outlast The Sheik and take everything thrown at him, yet walk out with the title.
Greg Jin: “At 29 minutes 44 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Kelly O’Connell hands Eron Hunter his Hardkore West Coast Championship and his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship as he leans against the bottom rope, while David Valentine Jr. attempts to stem the bleeding. Malcolm Xavier Graves attends to The Sheik who is just beginning to move
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jonnie Valentine booked this as a steel cage match, but Eron Hunter still had to fend off the constant interference of Malcolm Xavier Graves.
Phillip Blauer: They haven’t made a cage yet that can keep out ol’ MXG!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter will now travel to Denver to put that XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on the line against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Coming up fans, is our main event, don’t go away!
Your heavyweight champion is walking... backstage.
All is right with the world. He is champion. Disney+ is crushing it. Paramount+'s holiday ad campaign is so completely inept that his 2023 is basically going to be a vacation. The birds are singing. The crew are fawning over Zoran Sainovic for autographs. Craft services even has those mini-danishes he can't get enough of - in short, life is coming up Marty. WHAT the fuck!
Anywhere else on the Network, Marty Donovan might be worried about getting stabbed by Zoran again, but not here. Not in his home. Here he has internet testicles. Their name is Dan Stein. And with the confidence that the Punisher provides him with, there is no way that Marty is going to put up with some global champion stealing glory on his show!
Marty Donovan: What the hell are you doing here?
Zoran Sainovic: Who wouldn't want to visit... Albuquerque.
An arena pop can be heard hough the backstage corridor for this name drop.
Marty Donovan: Not fucking Albuquerque - everyone knows Albuquerque is amazing...
Marty waits for his own name drop pop, only to be greeted with crickets. Apparently the Alabquerue marks found Marty's appreciation disingenuous. This just feeds his inferiority inferno.
Marty Donovan: No, what are you doing in HARDKORE WORLD?
Zoran Sainovic: Looking for potential X*Crown challengers, I was hoping to sign a contract against Shiek or Kilroy Ev-
Marty Donovan: A title shot? Kilroy doesn't want a shot at your global strap. Around here it's all about my belt, around here I'm King Shit!
Zoran Sainovic: Yes, Syberus mentioned zat. ...He neglected to mention ze monarchy part.
Oh that tears it, Marty is going to cut this old man - where's Dan Stein? Marty pulls out a Lightyear themed walkie talkie.
Marty Donovan: Pun! Report to catering now! I need you to stand behind me with your arms crossed while I do the monologue from Training Day!
Cross Recoba: Zoran.
The XHF X*Crown champion narrows his eyes.
Zoran Sainovic: Cross.
The Final Boss turns to shoot his sketchy management rival a dirty look.
Cross Recoba: Looking for me?
Zoran Sainovic: No Cross, we are past zat. I challenged you... and you couldn't be bothered to respond. You're a big man when you have your Tap Out security, but when I suggest putting your HCW Diamond strap on ze line against ze Crown you suddenly get quiet. Like ze prospects weren't as favorable. Now I'm moving on to ze next victim.
Marty Donovan: Hey, we were talking-
Cross Recoba: Marty, the adults are talking...you want the Diamond title, Zoran?
Zoran Sainovic: I've already laid out ze challenge, you and me... New Year's Eve... counting down to 2023 in style.
Cross Recoba: Then here's the answer. You want me to end 2022 by taking that title off you and adding the HCW Diamond title to the lineage? I can't think of a better way to see in the New Year...wait, I can - I'm looking forward to putting you away with Up All Night in Dakota!
Marty Donovan: This is extremely rude.
Zoran Sainovic (still focused on Cross): Zen it's set.
Furious at this insult, Marty Donovan runs a knee into Zoran Sainovic's back - which sends the older athete crashing into Cross Recoba. Seeing this as an attack, Recoba starts to pummel Sainovic with rapid fire fists. Still only sporting one arm, Zoran works the ribs with forearm shots. Finding the two men brawling instead of paying him his just respects, Marty Donovan grabs a steel chair and joins the fray - all three men brawling away. The Backstage is flooded with bad blood, yet for all the spray patterns, the trio still seem to have more to give.
Fade back to ringside where Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. is taking down the cage with Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr.
Phillip Blauer: How the in the Sam Hill was Zoran Sainovic able to get in here? He stabbed my best friend, Marty Donovan, and cost him several shoulder modeling roles. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. looks down in shame
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our main event. The Anointed challenge The Society of the New Breed for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles in a six man tag team tornado match. This all started back in July, when Syberus defeated Alexander Von Blankenship for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in the tournament final at Palm Springs Punishment 2022. That did not sit well with the son of a legend so in Coachella, AVB and Syberus brawled all the way to the back after a six man tag team match. After pretending to hate each other for weeks, Marty Donovan and Von Blankenship pulled the wool over Kilroy and Syberus’ eyes and defeated them in LA, double teaming them after the match and declaring themselves The Anointed. Then in Pomona, Donovan allowed The Oracles of Suffering to triple team Syberus to get him a non-title victory in a falls count anywhere match.
Phillip Blauer: The Oracles of Suffering. Were we ever so young? Next you’re going to tell me Jonnie Valentine’s wife was wrestling Andrew Karnage to a time limit draw.
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Irish Rage in Belfast 2022, Syberus’ distraction caused Alexander Von Blankenship and Marty Donovan to be eliminated from the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament and reformed The Society of the New Breed with Tuxedo Mask and Kilroy Evans…
Donnie Valentine Jr.: Heads up!
Part of the cage comes crashing down. Guillermo is able to get out of the way, but Phil is stuck in his wheelchair. The cage crashes down on him and knocks him out as a big “OH!!” goes over the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil?? Phil? Are you OK?
Blauer is unresponsive as Donnie, Rocky, and Andy pull the chain link fence off of him.
Donnie Valentine Jr.: My bad, those things are slippery with all the blood and sweat. Can we keep this between us? I got a review coming up.
Hardkore medic David Valentine Jr. checks on Phil, while Hardkore security Larry Valentine Jr. fans him with air, looking on helplessly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Can you hear me? Come on, you have cats to live for!
Guillermo winces from being shouted at in his headset
Guillermo O’Bannon: Um, sorry fans, this is live TV and…I’m being told, quite loudly by Hardkore director Danny Valentine Jr., that we’re already over on time and I need to keep things moving.
Phil is completely knocked out next to Guillermo as he forces a fake smile
Guillermo O’Bannon: So I will soldier on, best I can without Phil’s…well, whatever it is Phil does. So in Phoenix, The Anointed evened the odds, adding “High Roller” Wesley Crane by having him cost Syberus the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and handing the title to Marty Donovan.
Phil begins to unnervingly snore, startling Guillermo. Guillermo shudders, then continues
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Hardkore Helloween 2022, The Anointed triple teamed Syberus and eliminated him from the Hardkore Helloween Cup, and Marty Donovan put that Hardkore World Championship on the line against Kilroy Evans. Evans nearly regained the title, but then “The Punisher” Dan Stein shocked the World by returning to wrestling and siding with his old SWAT World Tag Team Championship partner. Now, here in Albuquerque, all six of these men will finally have it out and prove who the dominant faction is here in Hardkore World.
The theme from Willow plays and a thick cloud-like haze fills the entryway. The Rancho Rio Events Center lights turn plum purple and begin pulsing with the beat. The lights go back to normal and out steps Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan, “The High Roller” Wesley Crane, Alexander Von Blankenship, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein to thunderous boos from the fans. Marty walks out on his knees dressed as Willow with the shoes on his knees and Dan Stein is dressed as Darth Vader, though he doesn’t seem thrilled about it.. Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone while Alexander Von Blankenship has a cocky smirk on his smug face. Dan Stein and Crane are both wearing shades, but Wesley lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin. Stein keeps his on and scowls at the crowd. AVB holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his face. Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker, to the jeers of the crowd.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here they are, The Anointed. The Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan, the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner “High Roller” Wesley Crane, Alexander Von Blankenship, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein. As usual, Marty Donovan has no regard for his opponents and says that theirs is the stronger bond, as The Society of the New Breed are all out for themselves. I think he’s forgetting the run-ins he’s had with Wesley Crane across the pond and the giant target he has on his back due to Crane winning the title shot against him in Boston.
The Anointed slowly makes their way to the ring, the entire time looking around at the hostile fans. Alexander Von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl. Slowly walking towards the ring he points to a fan holding the sign that has a picture of The Anointed and it says “Rat Boy”. He yells loudly " I'm better than you!" Once at ringside, Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring. AVB walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets inside. He gives the ring a father son and holy spirit blessing before climbing the outside turnbuckle, looking towards the entire crowd he yells out "Always Very Blessed" before jumping down into the ring. Wesley Crane stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open. Marty Donovan is stuck at ringside because he can’t climb the stairs since he’s on his knees for his Willow costume
Disney’s Marty Donovan: A little help Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. stops fan Phil and runs over to lift Marty up to the apron. Marty awkwardly rolls through the ropes, and then stands in the center of the ring with his arms raised.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, “High Roller” Wesley Crane sees this match as an opportunity to get some payback on Syberus for putting his face in the barbed wire.
Hardkore medic David Valentine Jr. gives Phil some smelling salts
Phillip Blauer: Huh? Where am I? What happened?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The cage fell on your head.
Phillip Blauer: (confused) A cage? Where am I, that there’s a cage falling on my head? I’m a highly respected television personality, a winner of four Desert News Hawk Awards.
Guillermo O’Bannon: A pro wrestling show.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think so, I don’t know if I told you, but I’m a respected winner of five Desert News Hawk Awards. What would I be doing hosting a low brow local wrasslin program, filled with men covered in back hair and regret? Did I die? (looks around, frightened) Is this hell?
Guillermo O’Bannon: You didn’t save any money.
Phillip Blauer: That tracks. My God, there’s a little person in the ring. Am I in the Land of Oz??
Guillermo O’Bannon: New Mexico.
Phillip Blauer: I am in hell. The license plates look like you threw up a bowl of Fruit Loops and everything has hatch chile pepper here.
The lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens.
"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Albuquerque crowd reach their feet as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it as The Society of the New Breed emerges. Syberus’ robe is open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage. Tuxedo Mask seems a little wobbly as he stands at the side of the ramp for a moment to soak up and hold up the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship to the fans’ cheers.
Phillip Blauer: Grover Cleveland!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, that’s Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: I see, and what in the Sam Hill is a tuxedo mask?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Are you sure you’re okay to finish the show?
Phil turns to Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. who shakes his head
Phillip Blauer: Doc says I’m A-OK!
Tuxedo Mask sort of meanders to the other side of the ramp. Kilroy steps through the curtain with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship slung over his shoulder.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Um, this feels wrong but it’s pretty par for the course here. As we can see, Tuxedo Mask thought he was drinking kombucha for health but it was actually Makoto Jupiter's soju she got for later.
Tuxedo Mask hands the belt to Kilroy, and then does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp, but just lands on his ass in a drunken heap
Phillip Blauer: Hoochie Wow ya.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus says the past couple months have frustrated him but now he has the fire in his belly to tear down The Anointed brick by brick, starting with tonight.
Phillip Blauer: And I for one, hope he does.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You do?
Phillip Blauer: I do?
Phil again looks to David Valentine Jr., who shakes his head
Phillip Blauer: Doc says I’m A-OK!
Syberus takes a brief look around at the cheering Albuquerque crowd before heading down the ramp with Kilroy.
Tuxedo Mask: “Did ya see that?”
Syberus nods and smiles that he did see that as Tuxedo Mask lies across the guardrail. Kilroy high fives some fans and jokes around with some of them. He points out a sign that says “If We Don’t See Dinky, We Riot” to Syberus, who nods and smiles. Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration from the Rio Rancho Events Center. Once up the ring steps, Syberus wipes his feet on the apron, as Kilroy enters the ring, giving Marty a big smile. Syberus steps through the ropes and circles the ring. Kilroy locks eyes on Marty
Phillip Blauer: That Southern looking fellow seems to be staring at the little person the way he probably stares at the sun for hours a day.
Syberus hops to the second turnbuckle and raises both fists in the air as the New Mexico fans cheer
Greg Jin: “The following contest is your Main Event of the evening!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a loud pop
Greg Jin: “It is a Six Man Tag Team Tornado Match, scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute, for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by “The Punisher” Dan Stein, he is from Amsterdam in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall. Weighing in at 215 pounds; Brought to you by Arby’s, ‘We Have The Meats!’ He is Always Very Blessed…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP!! From Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 Pounds; He is the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner…’HIGH ROLLER’ WESLEY CRANE!! And from the Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida. Standing 6 feet and weighing 218 pounds; Representing Disney Plus who asks you to watch the new The Santa Clauses, the HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!...They are THE ANOINTED!!!”
The audience lets out a deafening wave of boos
Greg Jin: “And their opponents, hailing from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet tall and Weighing 220 pounds; The Only 5 Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion…THE GREAT SYBERUS!! His partner is from Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure...TUXEDO MASK!!! From Attbury, South Carolina; He stands at 5 feet 11 inches; and He is the Undisputed Owner of Dinky The Mule, The Attbury Assassin….KILROY EVANS!! They are the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
The fans let out an ear splitting pop as Tux, Kilroy and Syberus hold up their arms. Marty Donovan throws off the Willow costume and stands on his feet in a banana hammock. The camera pushes in on his new tattoo of the floating lantern from Disney's Tangled tattooed over his heart. His shoulder is taped
Phillip Blauer: We have witnessed a miracle. That little man is normal again, with some elegant titty art.
Alexander Von Blankenship spits at Syberus and the Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Tommy Milligan signals for the bell.
HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
Tornado Match
The Society of the New Breed vs. The Anointed
Guillermo O’Bannon: And we are underway! Syberus chases after AVB but Von Blankenship retreats to the outside!
Syberus threatens a suddenly standoffish Alexander Von Blankenship, and then Wesley Crane grabs him in a rear waistock. Crane dumps him on the back of his head with a german suplex
…ONE!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has got a bone to pick with Syberus from that barbed wire shot the Englishman gave him in Boston.
Disney’s Marty Donovan runs at Kilroy, but Evans catches him with a drop toehold. Tuxedo Mask pulls Marty Donovan up and then snap suplexes him hard to the mat. Wesley Crane hits Syberus with right hands
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock on Crane. Meanwhile, Kilroy Evans irish whips Marty but Donovan reverses it and shoots Kilroy into the corner.
Alexander Von Blankenship finally slides into the ring and scratches his fingernails into Tuxedo Mask’s eyes. Marty Donovan runs in and dropkicks Evans, getting a collective “OH!” out of the crowd, then a murmuring boo
Guillermo WeO’Bannon: Did you see Kilroy’s head rock back on that one? Yet to the left of them, Syberus locks his hands together and clamps down along Wesley Crane’s temple in the headlock
AVB hits Tuxedo Mask with a chop to get a “Woo!” out of the crowd. Marty Donovan sweeps Kilroy’s legs out from under him in the corner. Wesley Crane pulls back on Syberus' hair, while he maintains the side headlock. Donovan steps through the ropes out on to the floor
Guillermo WeO’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship strikes Tuxedo Mask with another reverse knife edge chop. Disney’s Marty Donovan slingshots over the ropes into a dropkick into Evans’ face in the corner!
The New Mexico audience cheers. Von Blankenship backs Tuxedo Mask back into the corner with another open handed chop. Syberus plants his legs and flips Crane over into a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Guillermo O’Bannon: It was here in Albuquerque in 2006 where Syberus won his first Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from Robert Hunglestien III. He was last here in 2012 when he booked a bunch of, less than capable opponents for an in an elimination match to basically give himself the Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Why, that should be stricken from the record. I’m going on Wikipedia right now to change it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask fires back with a punch to the nose of AVB.
Alexander Von Blankenship just stares at Tux and the audience lets out a foreboding “Ohhhh…”
Phillip Blauer: What’s happening? What do they know that I don’t??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship slaps Tux across the face!
The Rio Rancho Events Center jeers, while Syberus continues to wear down Crane with that on the mat headlock. AVB pulls Kilroy up but Evans takes him over into a snap mare takeover
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane fights his way to his feet with Syberus hanging onto that headlock. He pushes him off into the ropes, and dips down for a backdrop, but Syberus catches him with a swinging neckbreaker!
Phillip Blauer: That neckbreaker sure does swing, Daddy-O.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a suplex, but Wesley Crane blocks it. Marty Donovan comes over and helps Crane lift Syberus up in a double hanging suplex. Donovan lets go, but Crane keeps him up there.
The fans boo, and then Crane drops Syberus on his head with a brainbuster! Kilroy grabs a reverse chinlock on Von Blankenship, but AVB reaches back and pokes him in the eye
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty grabs the blinded Kilroy by the legs and drops his balls on his knee with an inverted atomic drop. Wesley Crane grabs Kilroy and drops down into a jawbreaker! Nice triple team maneuver by The Anointed!
Phillip Blauer: I see, and who are they?
The New Mexico crowd boos loudly as Marty throws up his arms in triumph. Dan Stein nods, looking on approvingly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tux into the ropes and goes for a spinebuster, but Tux reverses it into a tornado DDT!
The crowd comes to life as Tux sits up and does a twirly motion with his finger with a smirk. Marty Donovan applies an abdominal stretch on Syberus
Guillermo O’Bannon: No good memories of Albuquerque for Marty Donovan. The last time he was here was in 2012 when he was teaming with The Shootfighter and Kota in a losing effort against Andrew Karnage, Rally Jackson, and Bruno. This is also where he lost his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship to “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in a 2006 ladder match.
Phillip Blauer: Pat Bozzini, now that does ring a bell, but these images, they hurt my already shattered brain. The colors…so many colors…
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane takes a few shots at the unprotected face of Syberus while Donovan holds him in that abdominal stretch.
Syberus finally plants his feet and hip tosses his way out of Marty Donovan’s abdominal stretch. He turns around into a running european uppercut by Wesley Crane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans scoops Alexander Von Blankenship up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker. Tuxedo Mask pulls Marty up and atomic drops his groin on the top rope!
The fans cheer as Marty’s eyes cross. Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes and comes back with a koppo kick that sends Marty over the ropes but Dan Stein catches him like a baby
Phillip Blauer: Darth Vader just saved that former little person!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rains down boos and heckles. Marty sticks his tongue out at Tuxedo Mask, while Dan Stein cradles him in his arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux turns around into an exploder suplex by “High Roller” Wesley Crane!
As Syberus rolls out of the ring. Kilroy tries to kick Alexander Von Blankenship but AVB catches his leg. Von Blankenship takes him to the mat with a dragon screw
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB starts putting the boots to Tuxedo Mask, and Crane starts joining in.
Dan Stein places Marty carefully back onto the apron. Meanwhile, Kilroy Evans grabs Wesley Crane from behind and ties up their legs. He pitches forward into a inverted russian legsweep
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to sneak up on “The Punisher” Dan Stein but he takes him out with a discus clothesline!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Syberus lays sprawled out on the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now how is this fair? The Anointed essentially have a fourth man on the outside!
Phillip Blauer: Why he appears to be merely their robot companion. Like Rosie from the Jetsons.
Inside the ring, Alexander Von Blankenship atomic drops Tuxedo Mask onto the turnbuckle facing the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is clearly a lot of pent up heat that has simmered over the decades, stemming from their battles all over the West Coast. Now Alexander Von Blankenship climbs to the second turnbuckle behind Tux, but Kilroy catches him from behind and german suplexes him from the second rope!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the city where Kilroy Evans won his second Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship ten years ago, defeating James Fierce in 2012…but wait a minute, Disney’s Marty Donovan hits the ropes and then flips over the top rope into a senton on Syberus on the floor!!
The New Mexico fans jeer. Kilroy Evans climbs to the second turnbuckle behind the still perched Tuxedo Mask
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans reverse superplexes Tuxedo Mask onto Wesley Crane!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Wesley Crane kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Very disappointing that they have to do that to one another to gain the edge. Sad, really.
Marty Donovan rolls back into the ring and runs into the ropes. He baseball slides but Syberus pulls out the ring apron skirt and traps Marty’s lower half in there
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus cracks Marty in the jaw with elbow after elbow!
Phillip Blauer: Get in there, umpire! Nothing with Modernism Pizza’s logo on it should be used as a weapon.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Kilroy pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up and nails him with some right hands, but AVB counters with a hard chop.
Kilroy returns fire with another hard right cross, but another reverse knife edge chop backs Evans into the corner. Syberus hammers Donovan in the temple with another hard elbow at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Kilroy Evans into the corner and Wesley Crane runs in with a running knee to the face!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a big “OH!” at Kilroy’s head rocking back. Syberus grabs Donovan by the hair and rams him into the guardrail!! Back in the ring, Tuxedo Mask pulls Wesley Crane up by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask irish whips Crane, but Wesley reverses it and shoots Tux into the ropes. Crane dips down for a backdrop over the ropes, but Tux jumps onto his back and uses it to vault over the ropes into a plancha onto Marty on the floor!!
The crowd lets out a big pop as Marty and Tuxedo Mask lie on the floor. Alexander Von Blankenship scoops Kilroy up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB butterflies Kilroy’s arms, but Evans backdrops him up and over. Kilroy gut wrench suplexes Von Blankenship!
Syberus climbs up to the apron behind Wesley Crane, unbeknownst to him. He grabs Crane’s arm and drops down to the floor, wrenching it across the top rope. Wesley Crane clutches shoulder and drops to the mat, kicking his toes in the mat in pain. Out at ringside, Tuxedo Mask has pulled himself up by the railing and starts talking to a woman in the front row
Phillip Blauer: Oh sure, when he hits on a fan it’s all fine and dandy, but when Blau-Dog does it, it’s “grossly inappropriate age-wise” and “causing the wraparounds to take forever to tape”.
The fan seems to be interested and takes out her phone to get his number. Tux asks for a moment and then throws up at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, that’s…we’re so sorry fans. Hopefully Jimmy Valentine Jr. from merchandise can get her a Kilroy Kozy blanket or something so we don’t effectively kill this town.
Tuxedo Mask turns back towards the fan but she’s gone
Phillip Blauer: Too late.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan takes out Syberus on the floor with a slingblade! Inside the ring, Kilroy attempts a suplex on Alexander Von Blankenship but he blocks it. AVB counters with a snap suplex of his own.
“High Roller” Wesley Crane grabs a dragon sleeper on Kilroy Evans. He plants his feet and leans back on Kilroy’s head while AVB slaps him over and over. The audience boos loudly and Marty slides into the ring. Von Blankenship offers Marty a free shot at Kilroy in the dragon sleeper, but Marty hesitates
Guillermo O’Bannon: For some reason Marty doesn’t seem to want the free shot Crane and Von Blankenship are offering him.
Phillip Blauer: What a sportsman!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan instead hits the ropes, hops onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard missile dropkick that catches Tux on the floor!!
The Albuquerque fans jeer, while inside the ring Tommy Milligan asks Kilroy if he wants to tap out to Wesley Crane dragon sleeper. Syberus rolls into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus cuts off an incoming AVB with a kick to the stomach, and then whips him around into a swinging neckbreaker. Wesley Crane releases the dragon sleeper, but Syberus kicks him in the stomach and hits him with a swinging neckbreaker too!
Marty Donovan rolls into the ring to help his stablemates but Syberus kicks him in the stomach and gives him another swinging neckbreaker
Phillip Blauer: It’s a chorus line of swinging neckbreakers! That’s a great name for a band that plays standards from the Great American Songbook.
All three of The Anointed lay on the mat, holding the back of their neck. Kilroy rolls out to the floor and helps Tuxedo Mask to his feet, but “The Punisher” Dan Stein stands in front of them menacingly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Tux into Dan Stein for a crossbody block, but Dan catches Tux!
The audience boos as Dan Stein in his Darth Vader mask holds the 185 pound Tuxedo Mask effortlessly and laughs at Kilroy who looks shaken
Guillermo O’Bannon: These Albuquerque fans remember “The Punisher” Dan Stein lost his Hardkore America Championship to the late great Adrian Tanner Jr. in 2007.
Syberus rolls out of the ring and Kilroy Irish whips him into Stein with Tux for a bigger and more successful crossbody block and the audience pops as The Punisher goes down, knocking off his Darth Vader mask. Kilroy Evans celebrates with a couple of ringside fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: It took all of The Society of the New Breed but The Punisher goes down!
Kilroy Evans hugs a female fan in the front row. After they let go, Kilroy turns around into a superkick from Alexander Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained out on the floor! Syberus stands up and “High Roller” Wesley Crane hits him with a spear into the railing!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!!” at the sound of Syberus hitting the steel. Syberus clutches the back of his head while the audience boos The Anointed. Alexander Von Blankenship hands Marty Donovan a chair, while “The Punisher” Dan Stein gathers a dazed Syberus and Tux
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan hops onto the middle of the top rope while holding that chair, and then backflips into an asai moonsault with that chair onto Tuxedo Mask and Syberus!!
Boos thunder down as Alexander Von Blankenship pulls Kilroy up who is suddenly busted open, and then kicks him in the side of the knee. Kilroy grabs AVB by the hair and slams his face into the apron
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon:Kilroy Evans pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up into a piledriver and leaves him up there to think about it for a while. He drops down and drills AVB’s skull into the concrete!!
The crowd comes to life as AVB lies lifeless on the Rancho Rio Events Center floor. A closeup shows blood trickling from Von Blankenship’s forehead. Wesley Crane rolls Syberus back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane steps into the ring and lifts Syberus up into a suplex, and drops him onto his head with a brainbuster!
Wesley Crane rolls his hips into he and Syberus are back up to their feet and lofts him up and down into another brainbuster. The fans now heckle Wesley Crane as Kilroy and Tux roll back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane lifts him up for another brainbuster but Syberus floats over onto his feet and grabs Crane from behind with a rear naked choke. Syberus drops Wesley Crane back to the mat!
The audience jumps to their feet as Wesley Crane panics in the center of the ring. On the floor, Alexander Von Blankenship stands up, but wobbly. Kilroy presses Tuxedo Mask over his head but Tux protests
Tuxedo Mask: No, no! There must be another way!
Phillip Blauer: Unhand that man!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans tosses Tuxedo Mask over the ropes onto the busted open AVB!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center erupts in cheers as Tux and Alexander Von Blankenship lie on the floor, exhausted. Inside the ring, Syberus clamps his forearm down across Crane’s windpipe as Tommy Milligan checks in for the tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips into a 450 Ode to Romero splash on both Syberus and Wesley Crane!!
The cheers turn to jeers as both Crane and Syberus lie on their side, trying to recover. Donovan tries to get up but Kilroy grabs him in a double underhook
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan blocks the DDT, and lifts Kilroy in a fireman’s carry, then flips him over, dropping the back of Evans’ neck on his knee with a ushigoroshi!!
Kilroy Evans clutches the back of his neck and rolls out of the ring but walks right into a discus clothesline from “The Punisher” Dan Stein!! The New Mexico fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Kilroy hitting the concrete
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh come on, what is this? Meanwhile, inside the ring, Marty Donovan walks into a Butterfly Lock by Syberus!
Syberus locks his arms and pulls back on Donovan’s double underhooked arms. At ringside, Tuxedo Mask tries to attack Dan Stein but he catches Tux with a double handed choke and lifts him up high in the air! The crowd boos loudly while the 5’8 Tux is strangled by the 6’7 Dan Stein. Stein throttles him, trying to crush his windpipe
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a bully!
Phillip Blauer: That little man needs to just tell him what he knows.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein twists and drops down into a tigerbomb on the floor!!
Dan Stein jumps right back up and talks trash to both Tux and Kilroy Evans lying on the floor, but he is drowned out by the jeering fans. Inside the ring, Tommy Mulligan asks Donovan if he wants to give up but Donovan shakes his head. Back on the floor, a bleeding Alexander Von Blankenship start kicking Tuxedo Mask on the floor, and Wesley Crane starts joining in with some stomps on Kilroy Evans while he lies across the guardrail
Guillermo O’Bannon: This was Marty’s plan all along, Dan Stein is taking everyone out! Now he backdrops his way out of Syberus’ butterfly lock!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein sets up a table and then he and Alexander Von Blankenship roll Kilroy Evans onto a table. They motion to Marty Donovan, who nods and then hits the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan hops onto the middle of the top rope and…hesitates?
The Albuquerque fans buzz with confusion while Marty Donovan looks at a helpless Kilroy Evans lying on the table at ringside
Phillip Blauer: Marty’s greatest quality is his mercy…and his generosity.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan jumps off and grabs Tuxedo Mask with a springboard tornado DDT on the floor instead!!
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining.”
The crowd boos Marty Donovan as Tuxedo Mask lies on the Rancho Rio Events Center motionlessly. Dan Stein throws up his arms, questioning Marty. Alexander Von Blankenship slides back into the ring. Suddenly, Wesley Crane runs up the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane comes off the top with a flying elbow on Kilroy Evans through the table on the floor!!
The jeers and heckling gets louder as Wesley Crane and Kilroy Evans lie in the former table. Marty Donovan stares at Wesley Crane who is making direct eye contact with Donovan. Dan Stein continues to question Marty as well
Phillip Blauer: I don’t understand the dissension. This should be a happy occasion!
Dan Stein rolls Tuxedo Mask into the ring, and Alexander Von Blankenship lifts Tux up onto his shoulder and then sits out, dropping Tux on his head with a barry white driver
Guillermo O’Bannon: Desecration!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tuxedo Mask into the ropes and cocks that Baptism punch but the drunken Tux falls through the ropes out to the floor!!
AVB throws his arms up in disgust and Wayne Tanner Jr. is suddenly in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wayne Tanner Jr. nearly takes Alexander Von Blankenship’s head off with a big boot!!
The crowd celebrates, jumping up and down in jubilation while a bloody Alexander Von Blankenship is sprawled out on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The nephew of the late, great Adrian Tanner Jr. nearly kicked Alexander Von Blankenship’s face in!
Phillip Blauer: Why does this large man get to just assault tonight’s attractions?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Many say it’s fate? Others say it could be incompetence amongst the security detail but that’s really unproven crackpot theory.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs Alexander Von Blankenship in a single underhook and drives his head into the mat with a Pure Confidence DDT!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle plays and the New Mexico fans jump up and down in celebration. Syberus rolls off of AVB with his hand in the air while Kilroy Evans lies in a broken table and Tuxedo Mask is sprawled out on the floor, sort of laughing
Greg Jin: “At 28 minutes 34 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wayne Tanner Jr. has made his presence known once again, helping out his family friend, Syberus and his friends Kilroy Evans and Tux retain their Hardkore World Tag Team Championships.
Phillip Blauer: Now that hardly seems fair…
Guillermo O’Bannon: And it hardly seems fair that “The Punisher” Dan Stein was able to interfere carte blanche as well but it appears Syberus brought in the big man to even the odds.
Syberus goes to the outside and hugs Wayne Tanner Jr., popping the crowd. Tanner and Syberus help Tuxedo Mask up, and they celebrate with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship belts. Tux, Syberus and Tanner going to check on Kilroy, who is laid out in some table debris
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Society of the New Breed hold on to their tag team belts, meanwhile The Anointed seem to have some disorganization in their ranks when it comes to Marty Donovan and how to deal with Kilroy Evans. Combine that with what’s been going on in Wrestle UK, and Wesley Crane having a title shot against Marty after winning the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup, and it all seems like a combustible situation.
Marty Donovan, Dan Stein, Wesley Crane, and a crimson masked Alexander Von Blankenship stagger through the curtain while Kiroy Evans, Syberus, Tux, and Wayne Tanner Jr. hold up the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship belts
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans, and we’re back in Albuquerque for the first time since 2012 when James Fierce defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against Kilroy Evans. I’m Guillermo O’Bannon and next to me is…
Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. pans down to Phil in a wheelchair. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. is pushing it
Phillip Blauer: I sure am glad to be here in this New Mexico. Frankly, I had grown tired of the Old Mexico. I had heard they had a new one, and I’ve just been itching to try it. Here, smell? See? It still has that new country smell.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I can’t smell anything.
Phillip Blauer: (leans back, pointing) Gadzooks, he’s got that Coronadavirus I just heard about! Stay away, can’t you see I’m in a wheelchair and clearly autoconfidized?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why are you doing Marty’s house shows?
Phillip Blauer: You mean saving him from injury?? Imagine it had been him in the ring with The Dutch Express, or Suikerbossie? He would be in this chair. This company would have to close its doors and sell its library to Tap Out if that happened.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know about that, what is wrong with you?
Phillip Blauer: Well, unfortunately Dorothy’s health insurance only allows me to visit traveling snake oil physicians. Surprisingly, I wasn’t able to find any in Providence that evening. Then I tried to shake off some of the ring rust with a quick training session with Big Pun Danny Stein, which tweaked every muscle in my body. But if I had to guess, I probably also have a shattered back part, withered neck bones, and most likely The Rickets.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Where’d you get the wheel…
Phillip Blauer: It’s Dorothy’s. So hopefully we can speed this thing along before she wakes up and wants food or water or such nonsense.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, let’s get to it then. Fans we have some great action coming up tonight, culminating in a tornado match between The Society of the New Breed and The Anointed for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: How are three men going to hold two titles?
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’ll Freebird them.
Phillip Blauer: How can they drink them until they pass out and urinate on themselves? Now you’re just being silly. Why if I wasn’t in this chair…
Guillermo O’Bannon: But ch-yar! Ch-yar in that chair!
Phil sinks down and sulks
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then we have the steel cage match where Eron Hunter will put his Hardkore West Coast Championship on the line against the man he won it from, The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: Last time The Sheik took his mask, now he’ll be looking to take the belt back with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then two time NPW Phoenix Champion, son of Dragon Belt and Dragonatrix, Little Dragon tries to ride his momentum from Helloween into a match with the two-time Valor Pro Wrestling UnYielding Champion Cross Recoba. Little Dragon has quite the pedigree for the longtime fans of Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think Cross Recoba cares who Lil Dragon’s parents are, he’s here to re-educate these Hardkore fans who watched them what real wrestling is all about.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman got hornswoggled at Hardkore Helloween 2022, and has been inconsolable ever since. Now he gets to take his anger at Tuxedo Mask out on newcomer, Gavin Drake. Drake has eyes for Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan but first he has the big poet standing in front of him.
The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” plays as a confused Moondog Dook starts wandering to the ring, and the fans boo. He’s an albino with a crazy beard with a large heavy chain around his hairy chest, wearing ripped jean shorts with a string as a belt. He barks and woofs at the jeering fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is our first match of the night. He was previously in a tag team with a seven foot Irishman named “Giant” Baba O’Reilly…
Phillip Blauer: Seven foot one and three quarters.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook returned to the ring for the first time since 2007 recently in October in Prescott, Arizona against “High Roller” Wesley Crane. Recently he lost a rough and tumble encounter with Little Dragon in Providence.
Phillip Blauer: Moondog Dook doesn’t recognize wins and losses, only respect earned through pain and attrition. Moondog also doesn’t appear to recognize his local police department, hence his negative headlines over the years.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Really unfortunate stuff.
Phillip Blauer: Undoubtedly, put a black eye on the business.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But he has paid his debt to society, and now Moondog Dook is here to show Kalmin Watts what a Hardkore World match is all about.
Moondog Dook sniffs referee Richie Richardson while ring announcer Greg Jin stands in the center of the ring, waiting for his cue
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Rio Rancho Events Center. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds; The Dook of Earl…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The Albuquerque fans boo as Moondog Dook’s eyes bug out.
Then “Boomer Sooner” by the University of Oklahoma Marching Band plays and the jeers turn to cheers. “The Role Model” Anthony Jordan leads Kalmin Watts to the ring, wearing a classic singlet, but it is Oklahoma crimson with Oklahoma cream trim
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is, from Wrestle: UK, Kalmin Watts. Kalmin got into wrestling due to his paternal grandfather’s love of the sport. His grandfather was a big fan of Mid-South, and the influence is clear. He went on to play football and wrestle for the University of Oklahoma. At Anthony Jordan’s insistence, he has branched out into Hardkore World. He made his debut in Providence, Rhode Island defeating the very capable Randy Candy.
Phillip Blauer: Very capable.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now he looks to continue working his way up the ranks with a win over the wild and unpredictable Moondog Dook.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, ‘The Role Model’ Anthony Jordan; from Tulsey Town, Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The audience cheers as Watts confers with Anthony Jordan but Moondog Dook runs and attacks Watts from behind
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Moondog Dook vs. Kalmin Watts
Phillip Blauer: If Dook is gonna win this one, he has to out Moondog him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook with a headbutt between the eyes of Watts. He takes that chain and starts choking him with it! Come on, Richie!
Referee Richie Richardson hems and haws on how to bring up the rule infraction to Moondog Dook, while Dook sticks his knee in Watts’ back and pulls back on the chain. “Role Model” Anthony Jordan complains on the outside
Phillip Blauer: Richie still unsure how to assert himself in the ring there. It’s really up to Tony Jordan to advocate for his client.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook irish whips Kalmin Watts into the ropes and clotheslines him with the chain!!
The Albuquerque fans boo Dook who woofs at them. He gets on top of Kalmin Watts and starts biting him. Anthony Jordan shouts at Richie Richardson to do his job while Watts screams in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook stops and takes the chain and whips Kalmin Watts with it!! Oh, again!
Moondog Dook whips Kalmin Watts with the steel chain another time, but this time Watts glares at him, popping the crowd. Dook looks at his chain, confused
Phillip Blauer: Once again, chains have confused Dook.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook tries whipping him again with that chain, but this time Kalmin Watts standing in front of him, seething with anger!
The Rio Rancho Events Center cheers loudly. Dook reaches back to whip him again, but Watts does a front takedown, and spins him into a spinebuster. Watts pops back up and roars to the fans with anger
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts presses Dook over his head, walking him around the ring!
Moondog Dook shakes his head in fear, and then Watts expertly tosses him to the mat to the cheers of the crowd. “Role Model” Anthony Jordan applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts scoops Dook up and drops him into a gutbuster, then lifts him right back up, dropping him into a ribbreaker, then lifts him for a third time up onto his shoulder! What power!
The Albuquerque fans applauds the show of strength as Kalmin Watts walks to the corner with Dook on his shoulder. He points, and then running powerslams him
...ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts power whips Moondog Dook into the ropes across drops to a knee, clinches both hands together, and hits him in the torso with an Oklahoma Hammer!!
Phillip Blauer: Haven’t seen one of those since you had to Wake Me Up, Before You Go Go to see Sixteen Candles in your ‘84 Pontiac Fiero.
With Dook bent over, Kalmin Watts jumps up and performs a leg scissors around Moondog’s torso
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sooner Squeeze!! Dook tries to fight it off, but Kalmin lands some stiff shots to his ribs.
Moondog Dook drops to the mat, with Kalmin Watts hanging on to the Sooner Squeeze. Anthony Jordan pounds on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook taps out!
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and “Boomer Sooner” by the University of Oklahoma Marching Band plays
Greg Jin: “At 5 minutes 17 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts continues to rack up wins with a win over the wiley Moondog Dook.
The crowd cheers as Richie Richardson and Anthony Jordan raise Kalmin Watts’ arms in victory. Hardkore veterinarian Gilbert Valentine Jr. checks Moondog Dook’s vitals as Watts leaves the ring with Jordan
Phillip Blauer: I don’t know if Watts is gonna survive here. Dook seemed to catch him off guard and it only gets tougher from here. I assume.
“Boom Shack A Lack” by Apache Indian plays and the fans cheer as Mad Dog Cyril leads Uncle Claymore Clyde down to the ring, passing Moondog Dook as the vets take him to the back for medical attention
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Uncle Claymore Clyde! What’s he doing down here?
Phillip Blauer: I remember that guy from the locker room at the house shows. What’s he doing down here? Did he not check the call sheet?
Uncle Claymore Clyde steps off the ramp into the crowd and starts dancing sexy for the ladies. He tries to reveal too much skin, but Mad Dog Cyril drags him to the ring
Phillip Blauer: Thank goodness for Mad Dog Cyril. Hardkore director Danny Valentine Jr. hasn’t gotten the hang of that blur effect and we’re already on late enough as it is.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans got a win over him in Providence, and to make matters worse, Kilroy stole his mule Dinky.
Phillip Blauer: Hide your mules around that guy. And your Dinky.
Mad Dog Cyril takes the microphone from Greg Jin and hands it to Uncle Claymore Clyde
Uncle Claymore Clyde: “Kilroy! You stole my Dinky, I challenge you to a Kentucky mud fight in Santa Fe. Do I win get Dinky back and buy a mule for you okay okidoki?”
“Boom Shack A Lack” by Apache Indian plays as Uncle Claymore Clyde drops the mic and does some more sexy, sexy dancing. But Mad Dog Cyril drags him to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well I guess we will see if Kilroy will accept Uncle Claymore Clyde’s challenge and put Dinky on the line.
Phillip Blauer: He doesn’t have the grapes to accept a Kentucky Mud Fight. There’s mud involved and…oh who am I kidding? He’ll probably make it a rider in his next contract that all of his matches are Kentucky Mud Fights from here on out.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the arena as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, the other holds a football, of all things.
The crowd burst into a wall of boos and jeers. A few brave souls hold out their hands but Recoba gives them withering looks as he uses his cane to bat their hands away from touching him.
He reaches the ringsteps and plants his cane down on each step before he walks up them. Stepping between the ropes, he props the cane against the turnbuckle and twirls the football in his hand. He leans over the ropes to take a microphone from a member of the HKW ring crew.
The music dies down to silence leaving only boos that fill the Rio Rancho Events Center.
Cross Recoba: What you’re looking at, Albuquerque, is what a real, bonafide wrestler looks like!
The boos continue to grow. Cross starts to toss the football in his hand.
Cross Recoba: If you actually appreciated wrestling, you’d tune into Tap Out Wrestling and see what actual wrestlers do. You’d realize that what you see here in Hardkore World is nothing but brutality for brutality’s sake!
Crowd: FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS! FUCK YOU, CROSS!
Cross Recoba: Your champion is Marty Donovan, the man who buffs the alloys for Lightning McQueen. What has he ever done when he hasn’t had to rely on an environment that revels in ultra-violence, that would rather see a stapler than a suplex, thumb tacks over a Tombstone piledriver and a flaming table instead of a figure-four leglock…
Crowd: HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* HE’S A PUSSY! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Cross Recoba: And you know why that is? It’s because people like Donovan, like Evans, and like Syberus all prefer a dumb audience! If you want proof that people are largely idiots, I put on a show with three wrestlers who’ve held the X*Crown and got a thousand people yet here tonight? Seven times that figure. You could be watching Jack Diamond or Jason Long but instead what do you choose? You’d pick a twinkie over a fillet steak!
Some debris makes its way to the ring from the crowd.
Cross Recoba: In five years, Jason Long has made more of an impact than Marty has in triple that time! You know, if it wasn’t for the fact that Long’s a busy man - I’d have sent him here next month in my place as a Christmas present to you all. You could see how one of my top stars eclipses every single competitor in tonight’s main-event!
Cross pauses, mostly for effect but partly because irritating these people was a pastime he enjoyed.
Cross Recoba: Mostly though, I just don’t want to perform in front of people like you. The idea of me wrestling tonight in front of this crowd? You may as well put on the Vienna Philharmonic at the local kennel!
Crowd: FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY!
Cross Recoba: Relax…
Cross reaches into his insider blazer pocket and unfolds a cheque.
Cross Recoba: I have a check here for fifty-thousand dollars, now all you have to do to win the money is one simple task….you might have seen the video from Providence…
A cheer rides slightly over the boos for a moment as those who’ve seen the clip let themselves be known. Cross places the football on the mat and walks over to the ropes.
Cross Recoba: Now we’re going to do things a little differently tonight. For a start, we need a waiver.
A member of the HKW ring crew passes Cross a pen and clipboard.
Cross Recoba: Once this is signed, I have a new challenge…a safer challenge but the money…the money has gone up considerably.
A larger cheer emanates from the crowd.
Cross Recoba: Who wants a shot at fifty large?
The cameras scan the crowd where people are trying to get his attention. Cross goes through the ropes and picks a father and son, the child no more than ten-years old. Security help them over the barrier and Recoba motions for them to enter the ring.
Cross Recoba: What’s your name, kid?
The child, unused to speaking in front of over seven thousand fans, let alone on the XHF Network, is hesitant to lean into the microphone.
Kid: Troy…
Cross Recoba: Now, Troy, you might have seen the football on the mat here, are you a fan?
Troy nods enthusiastically.
Cross Recoba: Who’s your favorite team?
Troy: THE COWBOYS!!
A large section of the New Mexico crowd cheer. Cross’ face can be seen to momentarily curl into a look of disgust.
Cross Recoba: Can you catch?
Troy nods.
Cross Recoba: Then how about this…in High School, I was a wide-receiver, if I didn’t get injured in one of the last games, I’d have probably have gone to college on a scholarship. So I know what a good pass looks like. You catch three of my passes, you and your dad can go home with this money…sound good?
In the background, Troy’s dad grins eagerly. Cross shakes the dad’s hand and introduces himself.
Cross Recoba: So, Alec, as the adult I need you to sign this waiver to release the money and agree for you both to be on television.
Recoba passes the clipboard and pen to the man who signs immediately. Cross picks up the football and motions for Troy to go into the corner. He passes him a soft pitch that is easily caught.
Cross Recoba: That’s one, Troy. Theoretically, that’s over sixteen grand you just earned.
Getting the football back, Cross points to the next corner and another soft pitch is just as easily taken by the ten-year old.
Cross Recoba: Are you ready for this one, Troy?
Troy nods.
Cross Recoba: Just stay exactly where you are...
Recoba beans the kid at full-pelt straight in the face, dropping him to the floor. His father tries to confront Cross but is met with a kick to the gut and the piledriver lift into Garibaldi’s Guillotine. Alec lets out a wail of pain but all he can see is the waiver he signed. It reads…
INDEMNITY AGAINST INJURY INSIDE THE RING
HKW Road Agents swarm the ring as we cut to the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She wears a holiday sweater that says “Don’t Hog The Nog”
Judy Valentine Jr.: Hello , thank you for coming in today, Marty.
Marty Donovan: No problem! Honestly, you’re doing me a favor. I was suppose to be at a screening of Strange World.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Would you like a candy?
Hands out a bowl of Wurther’s Originals
Marty Donovan: Well, just one. I need to be in shape for an upcoming Avatar cosplay.
Marty takes one.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I just needed to talk to you about your expenses, Marty. As you know, it’s my job. This is a business and it’s not what you draw, it’s what you save by skimping on bare essentials. It says here you rented a KIA Rio to drive from Boston to Providence?
Marty Donovan: Providence? Oh, that must have been Phil. I had tickets to the Magic game, so we did a little twin magic.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Well if you need to ride in style do it on your own dime. I’ve reserved a Datsun for you to drive to Denver.
Marty Donovan: I didn’t know they still made those?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Jonnie knows a guy from back in the day. Pretzel Rod?
Judy hands out a container of Rold’s Gold’s
Marty Donovan: I really shouldn’t. Oh, hell, it is the holidays.
Marty takes one.
Judy Valentine Jr.: The next item is it says here you got extra towels at the Best Western in Prescott?
Marty Donovan: We ran Prescott? Oh, that was while I was on a Disney cruise. Again, Phil must have used my name. Wait, is this why blue chew and Cat Fancy keep getting mailed to my house?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Look, Nature Boy. Next time, remember. Pretend Jonnie Valentine himself is sleeping in the bed next to you. I’ll give you some time to picture it.
Marty pictures it in his mind before shuddering.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Fiddle Faddle?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up, newcomer Gavin Drake who had an impressive debut in Providence with a win over The Rookie…
Phillip Blauer: Who has had a lackluster rookie decade to say the least.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, he takes on the large poet Ruben Bowman.
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands. The fans taunt him about getting tased by Makoto Jupiter at Hardkore Helloween 2022 by mocking him with tasers they brought from home until he throws the quill and parchment to the ground in anger and stomps to the ring.
Phillip Blauer: These uncouth plebeians. This is what made Picasso cut off his ear.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Gogh.
Phillip Blauer: He wasn’t even a poet. You’re worse than they are.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman got eliminated from Hardkore Helloween 2022 when Ri Eun-Ae hit him with a taser when he seemingly had Tuxedo Mask ready for the end, and denying him a title shot against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan. He doesn’t look very happy and I expect Gavin Drake is in for a bad night because of it. Earlier he taunted Drake about how upset Donzig would be if Drake wasn’t successful in this contest, trying to get inside his head.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center boos, then the lights go down. A dim white back light starts.
'Impermanence' by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black. The fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Left Hand of the Scourge, Gavin Drake. He is a former AWA British Champion from across the pond. He is Donzig’s protege, though currently they are definitely on the outs.
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the Albuquerque crowd before he throws a fist in the air.
Phillip Blauer: Which seems unfair, if Drake wants a little drinky poo here and there, what business is it of Donzig?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donzig demands complete and total focus, and Drake has clearly let his demons retake him.
Phillip Blauer: I can smell your egg nog from here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: (gives Phil a raspberry, as he begins slurring) It’s the holidays, man. Just…that’s so unfair, like… How can you…how can you…This is probably illegal. You know?
Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake says he is here to teach Hardkore World about extreme violence, as well as take the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Guillermo O’Bannon: But first things first, he has Ruben Bowman in front of him tonight. Gavin Drake seems unimpressed with Ruben Bowman, but the angry poet has four inches on him. Bowman could easily catch Drake by surprise with that superior strength and range.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, He is the Blood of Kings…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The New Mexico fans jeer. Emily Black leaves the ring with Greg Jin
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Ruben Bowman vs. Gavin Drake
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. Ruben Bowman and Gavin Drake circle one another until they lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman backs Drake into the corner with his superior size. Kelly O’Connell calling for a clean break here.
Phillip Blauer: These two are professionals and I’m sure that…
Ruben Bowman grabs Drake by the hair and pulls him into a standing reverse chinlock. Kelly O’Connell asks him about the hair, and Bowman shakes his head, denying any knowledge of such things
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman grabs him by the hair again, this time dragging him to the mat with the reverse chinlock.
The audience tries to tell Kelly O’Connell about the hair pull, but Bowman again denies it. He locks his hands together and tries to crush Drake’s jawline with his massive forearm
Phillip Blauer: Kelly really needs to stop accusing poets of wrongdoing. It’s just common sense
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman flattens out his body, putting pressure on the back of Drake’s head. Drake twists and turns until he’s able to work his way back to his feet, with Ruben hanging on to the reverse chinlock.
Gavin Drake drives his elbow into Bowman’s stomach to loosen the chinlock. A second elbow frees him and he runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman backdrops him high into the air! He picks Gavin Drake up and lifts him high into the air with a textbook suplex.
Phillip Blauer: Ah, but the type of textbook where you tear out the introduction page, stand on your desk and say “O’Captain, My Captain.” Which is, as we all know, a poem about Captain Crunch.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman tosses Gavin Drake across the ring with a high beal throw!
Phillip Blauer: “Our fearful trip is done, The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won. We have killed The Soggies who make thy cereal icky. We rained thy hands down across their crown, as their milk splashed onto our faces until they were all sticky…”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman irish whips Gavin Drake into the corner and then follows him in with an avalanche!
Bowman shoots him to the other corner, and runs in with a big clothesline, but Drake moves out of the way. Bowman backpedals a little, and Gavin Drake hits him with a lariat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake pulls Bowman up into a front facelock, and then rolls around into a neckbreaker!
Ruben Bowman sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Bowman staggers up, only to get DDT’d back to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake applies an STF. He locks those hands underneath Bowman’s chin and peels back on his head.
The Rio Rancho Events Center boos. Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Bowman wants to tap out as Emily Black looks on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake cranks back on Bowman’s head but Ruben refuses to give up.
Bowman crawls over to the ropes and uses that long frame to reach out and grab the ropes. Kelly O’Connell calls for a break, and after a few seconds Drake relents
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman back onto this feet and is ready for Drake. He hits him between the eyes with a few hard right hands backing off Drake. But Gavin Drake cuts him off with a heart punch.
Bowman goes down to one knee, clutching his chest. Gavin Drake hits the ropes and tattoos him with a basement dropkick. Emily Black applauds on the outside while Drake yells at the booing audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman slowly gets to his feet, Drake comes in with a spear, but Bowman catches him with an overhead belly to belly suplex!
Drake sits up in disbelief while Emily tries to reassure him but Bowman is right on top of him, butterflying his arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman double underhook suplexes the 253 pound Gavin Drake across the ring with ease!
Ruben Bowman pulls Drake up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. He catches Drake on the way back with a full powerslam
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Gavin Drake kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman presses Drake over his head!
Phillip Blauer: Look at the strength of that bard!
The Albuquerque fans boo until Bowman deposits Gavin Drake down to the mat. Bowman does a little curtsey that doesn’t sit well with them either
Phillip Blauer: What is wrong with these New Mexicans?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman runs up the turnbuckles and has to set himself for the moonsault, but Emily Black jumps up on the apron and sprays a black mist into Bowman’s eyes!!
Bowman clutches his eyes, blinded and then loses his footing, crotching himself on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook. The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos
Phillip Blauer: This should inspire a sad sonnet about his testicals. Those can be good.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake peels him back into a tree of woe, then backs up, running into another basement dropkick to the upside down poet!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!!” and then Bowman crumbles to the mat. Gavin Drake pulls him up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry, but Bowman slips off his shoulders and irish whips him into the ropes. He catches Drake with his black hold slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: Black Hole Slam!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Taurus Shines” plays and Ruben Bowman rolls out of the ring like he stole something with his arm raised. Gavin Drake complains about a fast count to Kelly O’Connell as she explains to Drake and Emily Black it was legit
Greg Jin: “At 8 minutes 26 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with an upset over Gavin Drake and I would not like to be Drake when Donzig finds out about this.
Phillip Blauer: I would take being anyone over you.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hurtful.
Gavin Drake kicks the bottom rope in anger as the fans boo
Open the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She drinks from a mug that says “I Love My Grandcats” as Malcolm Xavier Graves sits on the other side of her.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Thank you for coming in, Mr. Graves.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Of course.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Can I offer you anything? Slim Jim?
Judy motions to a full container of Slim Jim’s behind her
Malcolm Xavier Graves: No, thank you.
Judy Valentine Jr.: The reason I called you in here today is it came to my attention after you used your cane during a recent match that you would be classified as a disabled employee. Am I to understand you have an injury that requires a cane? Otherwise, obviously there would be no reason to have such a thing at ringside.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Um, yes, obviously…you see, I had a…long time ago there was…and, the body is a funny thing, you see…
Judy Valentine Jr.: Uh huh, would you like some Combos?
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Hmm? No, thank you.
Judy Valentine Jr.: You sure? These are the ones with the pretzels and the nacho cheese. I just love em.
Judy has a couple Combos. Her crunching is the only thing breaking the silence until Evan Valentine Jr.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Hey Aunt Judy. Hey Mr. Graves.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Hello, young Evan.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Hey Aunt Judy? Can I have the 31st off? I gotta dentist’s appointment that night.
Judy Valentine Jr.: You have a dentist’s appointment on New Year’s Eve?
Evan Valentine Jr.: Swear to God. I’s mad as hell. I’m like “Nah, I gotta work that night and do some boring bullshit in the back but they’re like ‘Sorry that’s the only night he has. Otherwise it’s like May or some shit.”
Judy Valentine Jr.: That’s awful, sweetie. I’ll have to have you switch with Kevin or Lance, but if that’s the only night he can do it, we can make it work.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Thanks, Aunt Judy.
Evan leaves
Judy Valentine Jr.: That boy. Can’t keep a schedule straight. If it’s not church on Friday night, it’s a family emergency at Mardi Gras. God bless em. But anyway, we can give you a parking space at the front of the building and an extra 3% of the gate if you promise not to sue us for not being compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: (eyes light up) Absolutely.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Just sign here, and here.
MXG hands her back the paper work and leaves the cubicle.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Honey? You forgot your cane.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: Ah, silly me.
Graves takes the cane and pretends to need it to walk
Judy Valentine Jr.: Thank you.
Open back on the Rancho Rio Events Center at ringside with Guillermo and Phil. Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. counts them down then cues them
Guillermo O’Bannon: And we’re back with a match I’ve been looking forward to all night. Cross Recoba takes on the young Little Dragon. Ever since Cross Recoba debuted at Hardkore Helloween 2022, he has taunted the Hardkore World fans that he is going to show them what real wrestling is. These same fans who have watched Hardkore World since 1989, Cross Recoba is claiming that they don’t know what real wrestling is.
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba has been successful wherever he has plied his craft. And he is only speaking the truth about the people that come to these shows. You see, you live in a bubble, while I have shared one silent elevator ride with “the people”. Let me tell you, it took three washes to get the smell of Fritos out of my jacket. My wife Dorothy’s maid was furious!
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames before "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator. The Albuquerque fans cheer
Images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. He nods at the loud pop he gets from the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon lasted 40 minutes in the Hardkore Helloween barbed wire battle royal and picked up some impressive wins in Providence and Prescott, Arizona, and is familiar with Cross Recoba from AWF. He says that Hardkore World is his home, and Cross Recoba is the one infringing on his territory.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Phillip Blauer: I have to admit, that is a perfect dragon stance.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon has been anticipating this match, while mocking Cross Recoba as being aloof and unwilling to work for success. He says tonight is where he proves to be the better wrestler.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; The Dragon of All Trades…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The 7,000 strong crowd lets out a loud pop while Little Dragon stares at the entrance way
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the Rancho Rio Events Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The HCW Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The New Mexico crowd responds with a cavalcade of boos and jeers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, the owner of Tap Out, fresh off of a series of just despicable incidents where he has hurt fans, not to mention exposed Hardkore World to a litany of legal jeopardy, all to prove that his Garibaldi's Guillotine is one of the most painful submissions in all of wrestling. And it is.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: He illustrated that in Providence, Rhode Island by putting that poor kid just trying to enjoy his best friend’s bachelor party in the Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Phillip Blauer: He was just preparing the groom for the life of pain he has ahead of him! Huh?
Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. gives Phil his rimshot at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s just you, Phil. I like my wife. She made me this lunch.
Guillermo holds up a sack lunch that says “Memo” on it written in red sharpie with hearts around it. Cross Recoba holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more venomous response from the Hardkore World fans, and begins down the ramp still holding it aloft.
Phillip Blauer: No, you know what I mean. Like, don't you hate it when you try to show your girl a movie you liked when you were younger and she keeps passing away and getting revived by your home medical team?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Still just you, Phil. Then earlier tonight, Cross Recoba just made an embarrassment of himself, assaulting a 10 year old boy by tossing a football into his face at full speed, and putting his father in Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Phillip Blauer: Look parents have to understand, when you buy a ticket to a Hardkore World show, there’s a small but not non-existent chance you or your child will be seriously hurt.
Cross Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Life is good for Cross Recoba. Tap Out is doing incredible numbers, and he has that HCW Diamond title which means a shot at the XHF X Crown whenever he wants it.
Recoba sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to heckle and boo even louder. He points to a fan holding a sign that says “Make Cross Bleed”
Guillermo O’Bannon: He came out here earlier and ran down Hardkore World as garbage wrestling, which is the reason for the rather passionate reaction from some of the fans here.
Phillip Blauer: That’s just uncouth.
Cross stands to his full height and smirks at Little Dragon, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, standing 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing 230 pounds, From Las Vegas, Nevada, The Self-Proclaimed 'Box Office Smash of the XHF Network'...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Ranch Rio Event Center rocks with boos
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Cross Recoba vs. Little Dragon
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Recoba and Dragon begin circling one another
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Blockbuster of the XHF” doesn’t seem impressed with his opponent as he shakes his head with a wave of his hand
Little Dragon frowns, then shrugs before he steps in to start battering kicks at Cross Recoba’s legs and sides, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon whacks Cross Recoba in the side of the knee with another stiff kick, and then fires him off the ropes. He levels Cross with a crossbody!
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
The fans cheer, and Dragon Belt gets up and drops an immediate elbow drop on him and makes another cover
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon taking advantage of Cross Recoba’s confidence early here.
Phillip Blauer: Cross’ position that this entire company is completely beneath him is a core belief. He cannot let Little Dragon shake that in any way.
The Albuquerque crowd cheers as Recoba rolls rolls to his feet with a look of frustration
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes in with another kick, but Recoba catches his foot!
The cheers turn to jeers as Cross Recoboa shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba jerks Little Dragon forward by the leg to slam a hard elbow into his face!
The fans start chanting “Fuck You Cross! Fuck You Cross! Fuck You Cross!” Recoba smirks before he stomps a boot into Little Dragon’s gut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba drags Little Dragon to his feet, and snap irish whips him into the corner before he hits a dropkick on the rebound!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!” and Little Dragon is down again.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Dragon up by the mask and snaps a kick into his stomach. He grabs him in a front facelock, and then rolls him around into a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Cross Recoba reaches back to make an arrogant pin with a smirk across his face
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The crowd cheers, and Cross Recoba nods to himself
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba grabs Little Dragon by the mask and bounces his head against the mat a few times!!
The boos get louder as finally Cross Recoba is dragged off of Little Dragon by Tommy Milligan. Cross yells “How dare you!” while Tommy Milligan points at his referee shirt and demands some respect
Phillip Blauer: If he’s going to invoke that shirt for respect, he should wash it from time to time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Little Dragon to his feet, hooks him up and nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots.
Cross Recoba goes for another pin, but Little Dragon twists as he grabs his arm to jerk Cross off balance. His legs coil, and he slams Cross to the mat as he locks on an armbar, making the fans cheer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon caught Cross with that armbar and is now making him pay. He wrenches back on it as Cross reaches for the ropes.
Tommy Milligan checks to see if Cross Recoba is close enough to the ropes to call for a break. Little Dragon plants his feet and hauls Recoba back with his armbarred arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: 15 years ago, in 2007, Little Dragon saw his father, Dragon Belt team with Tong Fairtex and they competed in the Hardkore World Tag Team title tournament here in Albuquerque. They beat Matt David & Johnny Carso in the first round, but lost to The Bozzini Brothers in the second.
Cross Recoba inches closer and closer to the ropes, and finally latches on to the bottom rope. Tommy Milligan calls for a break and Little Dragon rolls away as he motions for him to rise. Cross pulls himself up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon charges in as Cross ducks low and backdrops him over the ropes to the outside!
Little Dragon lands on his feet and the crowd cheers his show of agility but he turns around into a dropkick from Cross Recoba who has leapt over the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: A Million Lira Dropkick!! I have to hand it to Cross Recoba, that was spectacular.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t go trying to jump on the bandwagon now. It’s all full and I like to man spread.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ew. Cross Recoba grabs Little Dragon and presses his throat across the barricade!
Recoba mocks the jeering fans, but they don’t dare get close to him as he chokes Little Dragon on the railing
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba drives the small of Dragon’s back into the side of the apron. He lifts Dragon up onto his shoulder and then drives him face first into the ringpost!!
Little Dragon is bleeding through his mask as he hits the floor and Recoba rolls inside to break the count with a smirk at Tommy Milligan. The fans jeer as he rolls back outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba now disrespectfully slapping Little Dragon across the head a few times!
Cross Recoba scoops him up and flings Little Dragon inside of the ring. He climbs back inside, and climbs the corner as he eyes up the fallen opponent
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba with a flying elbow, but Little Dragon rolls out of the way and Recoba hits the canvas below!!
The crowd comes to life as Cross Recoba rolls on the mat, clutching his elbow and shaking his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time, and grabs him to lock on the dragon sleeper!
Phillip Blauer: The Little Dragon Sleeper. So tiny.
The New Mexico fans are on their feet, and Cross arches backwards as Little Dragon tightens the hold. Tommy Milligan checks in but Cross shakes his head, refusing to quit. as he reaches for the rope with his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon rolls back on Recoba’s head and neck, trying to forve a submission, but Cross finally snags the bottom rope with his toe.
Phillip Blauer: If you only knew how many times I was saved by a toe.
The Rancho Rio Events Center boos as Tommy Milligan calls for the break. Little Dragon hops up, driving a stiff kick to Recoba’s spine. The crowd lets out another “OH!” at the sound of Dragon’s boot hitting Recoba’s back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon pulls Cross Recoba up into a rear waistlock, and then drops him on the back of his head with a bridging german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon hits Cross Recoba with a right hand that backs him into the corner, but Recoba answers with a knife edge chop.
The fans boo. Dragon fires back with a forearm smash, and the crowd cheers. Recoba lights him up with another hard chop and some more jeers. Little Dragon cracks Recoba in the jaw with an elbow that gets a pop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba ducks a punch from Little Dragon, does a go behind, and then hits him with another blistering chop that backs Dragon into the corner. He climbs over top of him and starts hammering him with punches from the second rope! Punch after punch really opening up Little Dragon.
Tommy Milligan pulls Cross Recoba off and he jaws with the fans chanting “Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!” Little Dragon leans across the top rope, bleeding on it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba irish whips Little Dragon into the ropes and catches him with a side slam with an elbow drop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon gets his shoulder up!
Cross glares at Tommy Milligan, who holds up two fingers. Recoba argues with him about the count while Little Dragon slowly gets to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba still getting into it with senior official Tommy Milligan.
Phillip Blauer: Good, the guy is as crooked as dog’s hind leg. He should show him who’s boss day one.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba sees an oncoming Little Dragon out of the corner of his eye and catches him with a kick to the guts. He sits out into a facebuster!
Little Dragon leaves a bloodstain on the mat, and Cross smirks at Tommy Milligan as he rolls Dragon over for the pin
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The fans cheer, and Cross wipes a hand across his face. Recoba pulls Little Dragon up once more, and hits him with a few stiff punches, backing him into the corner.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba irish whips him, but Little Dragon reverses it and shoots Recoba into the corner. A bloody Little Dragon backs up and charges in with a stinger splash!
The crowd cheers and Recoba sags against the turnbuckles. Little Dragon steps up onto the second rope and jumps off with a tornado DDT
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba puts his foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The fans are on the edge of their seats as Little Dragon climbs to the top turnbuckle, while Cross Recoba is staggering to his feet!
Little Dragon jumps off for his backstabber but Recoba turns around and avoids it. He counters with a sitout shirunai
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sicilian Typewriter!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Cross Recoba smirks at them. He lifts Little Dragon up into a styles clash and then holds him up there in a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ve seen this before, Garibaldi's Guillotine!! He bends Little Dragon in half, rocking backwards until he is forced to submit!
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and the boos get louder Cross Recoba drops Little Dragon while “My Name is Human” by Highly Suspect plays
Greg Jin: “At 15 minutes 43 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
Tommy Milligan raises Cross Recoba’s hand who quickly snatches it away and then raises his own arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Impressive win here in Albuquerque for Cross Recoba over Little Dragon. That Garibaldi's Guillotine looks like it could end a match immediately, and could be the weapon to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Or is he here scouting a seasoned color commentator to poach for Tap Out? It’s what all the dirtpapers are saying.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirtsheets.
Phillip Blauer: You’re disgusting, you know that?
Cross Recoba confidently strides back up the ramp, sometimes ignoring the middle fingers, and sometimes arguing with a drunk girl and her timid boyfriend who’s been waiting for John Cena to come out all night
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon gave him everything he had tonight, even spilling alot of his blood, and now the fans giving him a nice ovation for his effort. He has really won their respect tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah well that and a dollar won’t get you a fried bread taco. I tried.
Open to the Talent Relations cubicle at The Office, the single level open floor plan building that serves as headquarters for Hardkore World in Palm Springs, California. Her office is adorned with signs, nick knacks and various bric a brac. She wears a Christmas sweater that says “If Mom Says No, Ask Grandma”. She’s mostly ignoring Syberus while she stares at her laptop.
Syberus: I’m sorry, Jonnie said you need something?
Judy Valentine Jr.: …
The two continue to sit in silence while Judy continues to look at her compute, her face inches away from the screen
Judy Valentine Jr.: Oh poo. Lamar Jackson is hurt.
Syberus: Who?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Lamar Jackson. He’s on my fantasy football team. Do you play fantasy football?
Syberus: No, but I do have a level 17 Paladin in my Dungeons & Dragons campaign that's pretty fun.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m in like five of them. A few years ago, I didn’t even like football. I still don’t. But I just like something to follow every day, and the rush from beating someone like Carol in finance. My husband Bill says it’s too much, but then he goes to the casino every payday and that’s why we don’t have cable. Sorry. Why are you here?
Syberus: YOU sent for ME. One of the biggestlegendstars ever in this- here I am at the behest of the Human Resources department. Why am I here?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Right, right. (talking to herself) Get your head on straight, Judy. I’m just…I cannot lose to Carol in finance, you know? Anyway, this isn't human resources, honey. Believe me, you don't want to get pulled in by human resources. So Jonnie has requested that I tell you that he is a huge fan of yours and really thanks you for the years you and he held the SWAT Tag Team Championships and winning the Anzac Cup Tag Team Tournament.
Syberus: Oh well, thank you I…
Judy Valentine Jr.: However…
Syberus: Bloody hell…
Judy Valentine Jr.: We would like to gently remind you that call time at the building is 3:00. That’s American time, not British time. I thought that might be the issue. We need you there for pre-show interviews.
Syberus: And who complained about this?
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m not at liberty to discuss that.
Syberus: Was it Kevin Valentine Jr.?
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m not at liberty to discuss that, but yes. Also, the athletic commission needs to take your blood pressure.
Syberus: So they can get their bribe?
Judy Valentine Jr.: So they can get their bribe, yes. Thank you so much for coming in, and Andy can validate your parking.
Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr., along with Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr. put the finishing touches on steel cage wrapped around the ring, pulling on the steel mesh to make sure it’s stable.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match these fans have been anticipating all night, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: Ah yes, The Anointed will be attempting to add to their gold with…
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, the rubber match between XHF Junior Heavyweight and Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter and The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: It appears to be a steel cage match, bucko.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Do not call me bucko. It all started back in June in San Diego, where The Sheik defeated the then masked, Lynx in the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Championship tournament. Then in October in Phoenix, Eron Hunter beat Sheik for the West Coast title in a bloody contest where Sheik tore off his Lynx mask.
Phillip Blauer: Is that who was under that cat mask?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, Phil, we’ve been over this.
Phillip Blauer: I can’t believe it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil…
Phillip Blauer: That whole time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now, Eron Hunter gives The Sheik his rematch, but this time in it’s in a steel cage.
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the fans jeer as Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out first. He surveys the fans with a sneer, and then out blows The Sheik through the curtain behind him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The former Hardkore West Coast Champion is as dangerous as I’ve ever seen him. He lasted over an hour and was the last man eliminated in The Hardkore Helloween match, and eliminating J-Rok owner Kira Izumi. Now he’s set his sights on getting his Hardkore West Coast Championship belt back.
The crowd heckles MXG as he walks by ignoring them. The Sheik cocks his fist at several of them as them back away
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves is claiming that the steel cage is a disadvantage for Eron Hunter, because it eliminates Graves’ ability to protect Hunter from The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: The man just wants to help. And we crucify him for that these days?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik saying he will shatter Hunter’s calm…
Phillip Blauer: What an awful thing to do to someone. Should be illegal.
Guillermo O’Bannon: …and take back his Hardkore West Coast title using all that the cage to brutalize him, and those rough tactics is what allowed him to win their encounter in San Diego this summer.
A fan gets on Malcolm Xavier Graves’ jacket and Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. runs over and separates them. The Sheik comes at the fan and Larry holds him back
Phillip Blauer: There you go, Larry. Way to de-escalate.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sorry you had to see that, fans. But it just goes to show you the level of vitriol the Hardkore crowds have for Malcolm Xavier Graves and his client, The Sheik.
In the fracas, MXG grabs a sign that says “Eron: Best in the West!” from a fan’s hand and tears it in half. Sheik pushes past Larry Valentine, and goes after the guy who grabbed his manager
Guillermo O’Bannon: Danny? Can we cut to something?
Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. accidentally cuts to backstage where Hardkore stick man Kevin Valentine Jr. is getting his make up applied.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not that.
Danny punches back to ringside where Larry Valentine Jr. has resolved the situation and Malcolm Xavier Graves is climbing the ringsteps. MXG holds open the cage door and The Sheik enters the ring
Greg Jin: “The following match is a Steel Cage Match for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The Albuquerque fans drown out Greg
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Great King of Terrori…THE SHEIK!!!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center thunders boos down on The Sheik and MXG
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the fans leap to their feet. Eron Hunter walks out with the Hardkore West Coast Championship wrapped around his waist. He smiles at the huge ovation from the New Mexico crowd, and then starts walking to the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter proved a lot to people when he successfully defended that Hardkore West Coast Championship against Alexander Von Blankenship in that hostile environment in Boston at Hardkore Helloween 2022. Then in Liverpool, England at Wrestle UK’s Aftermath in Liverpool, he defeated Daigo Arakawa for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship. And he believes he proved to everyone that he can withstand a tremendous amount of punishment and still come back and win it.
Eron Hunter slaps the fans’ hands as he keeps one eye on the cage
Phillip Blauer: That crazy mask was distracting Sheik the last time. All of it’s pretty colors and fabrics. I almost tore it off myself a few times. He became preoccupied by tearing it off and it may have cost him the belt. That won’t be a problem this time, I hope.
Eron Hunter steps through the cage door, with the Hardkore West Coast title slung over his shoulder now
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter says he can take whatever The Sheik is thinking of doing to him in this cage, and will come back like he did in his win over him last time, but who knows what former West Coast champ is capable of in the confines of the cage.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
The audience cheers the loudest pop of the night as Hunter holds up his Hardkore West Coast Championship. No sooner has MXG left the cage than the Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. begins to close the door. Before the men have stepped away from the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik has rushed Eron ahead of the bell! The Great King of Terror swarms Eron with a flurry of quick-fire punches that trap the West Coast Champion into the corner. Kelly O’Connell rushes to get herself between the two men and does so successfully.
The match official backs the challenger away from Eron, the camera capturing the newly reinforced determination etched on his face. O’Connell calls for the bell as a roar erupts from the Rio Rancho Events Center crowd.
HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP
Steel Cage Match
Eron Hunter vs. The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: No sooner has O’Connell stepped aside than Eron Hunter leaps forward amd connects with a flying forearm that knocks down The Sheik! You can see the pent up anger these two have had for each other just boiling over right now!
Hunter stays on top of the Sheik in a full-mount and unleashes with short, closed-fist punches that connect with the forehead of the Arabian as the fans root him on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter lifting up his long-time foe, and irish whips him to the ropes. A leg lariat takes him down The Sheik!
Quick to his feet, The Sheik has no time to stop the continuing onslaught as Hunter once more closes the space between them with a flurry of forearms aimed squarely at the head of The Sheik.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves’ charge now finds himself against the ropes. Eron Hunter hits him with a european uppercut that rocks The Sheik against the ropes. Sheik staggers forward a step into a snap-suplex!
The crowd chants “ LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO ERON!! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*”
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is what Eron Hunter was missing in Boston. Just listen to these people.
Phillip Blauer: Honestly, I don’t get it. Is it because of his good looks? I’ve got those. Is it the sweet way he talks to his lover in the light rain on a warm Sicily evening?
Feeding off the energy of the crowd, Eron lifts The Sheik to his feet by his hair and kicks him in the midsection to double him over
Guillermo O’Bannon Eron Hunter gives him a lifting knee that sends The Sheik backwards, and then hits him with a dropkick to take him down!
Cutting to the outside, the cameras show Malcolm Xavier Graves waving his cane in anger at the start his client has made to the match
Guillermo O’Bannon Hunter drives a knee into Sheik’s head and rolls through. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and backflips into a moonsault!
…ONE!
…Sheik kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik wasted no time kicking out there, it’s not gonna be that easy a day at the office.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion picks him up but The Sheik rakes the eyes as he rises! With Hunter’s hands over his face, The Sheik shoots a rabbit punch into Hunter’s throat!
As Hunter looks for air, The Sheik takes advantage with a series of quick shots to the head of Eron, pushing him into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter gets caught with a running back elbow to the head that forces him further against the turnbuckle! Sheik whips a chop across the chest!
The fans “Woo!” and The Shiek follows it up with a driven knee that rises into the rib-cage of Eron. The look of intensity clear on his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws wild punches that achieve their goal of beating Hunter down into the corner. He pushes his boot into Eron’s throat, choking him out.
Phillip Blauer: You see? This is one of those moments where we could have used MXG’s help. But there’s a cage so he can’t.
The Albuquerque fans boo as Kelly O’Connell can be seen looking unhappy but helpless to stop the act. Satisfied that the damage has been done, The Sheik rolls him into the center of the ring, leaving him seated
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik runs into the ropes and throws a knee through the back of Hunter’s head!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” and Malcolm Xavier Graves can be heard laughing off camera
Guillermo O’Bannon: Clearly working from a game plan, The Sheik heads to the corner and rips off the top turnbuckle cover!
Phillip Blauer: Why must you see something nefarious in everything? He could be merely replacing it because it appeared to be dirty. You know staph infection is a lurking danger in our athletic world. I did a sweeps piece about it a few years back. “The Killer Leaking Out Our Pores”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter, now on his feet, rushes to get back on the offensive but eats an elbow to the side of the head.
The Sheik grabs the hair of Eron and tries to ram his head into the turnbuckle, Eron blocks it with his foot on the second turnbuckle and elbows The Sheik.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sicilian now tries to slam the head of The Sheik down onto the exposed metal, but no joy as Sheik also uses the middle turnbuckle. He swings the foot back and low blows Hunter!
The Rancho Rio Events Center jeers and then Eron is thrown between the ropes and directly into the steel cage shoulder first!! Hunter helps in pain and rolls on the mat, holding his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: With the Champion prone on the floor, The Sheik drives heavy boots into the neck of Eron Hunter.
Malcolm Xavier Graves accompanies each stomp with a jab of the air from his cane.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik holds onto Hunter’s hair and delivers one more kick. He lifts Eron up by his hair and starts to bite his forehead!
There are boos mixed with cries from children at the sight of Sheik chewing on Hunter’s forehead. He follows it up by raking Hunter’s over the top rope, walking him to the corner
Phillip Blauer: Sick burn.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now uses the tag rope to choke Eron Hunter!
The jeering is deafening as Hunter kicks his legs out, looking for any possible avenue to stop The Sheik from squeezing the life out of him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Releasing his grip, The Sheik lets Eron Hunter stagger forward before planting him with a one-handed bulldog.
Seeing his opportunity, The Sheik jumps to the top turnbuckle. He leaps off with a flying leg drop but Hunter rolls out of the way and there’s no water in the pool
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men rush to their feet to get the upper hand. The Sheik swings a punch wildly but Hunter ducks it, and counters with an enzuigiri that connects with the Sheik’s skull dropping him to his knees. Hunter then grabs him with a spike hurricanrana!!
The fans cheer wildly. Reacting on instinct, The Sheik rolls to his knees but Eron has him marked with a shining wizard. Again he goes for the cover
…ONE!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter grabs the arm to bring Sheik to his feet, but whips him into a short-arm elbow to the temple that sends The Sheik back.
As Sheik staggers, dazed, Hunter hits the ropes and takes him out with a spinning heel kick! Before Sheik has a chance to recover, Hunter flips into a standing senton
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter returns to the arm, twisting it as he yanks The Sheik to his feet and whips them to the corner. Eron charges in with a jumping roundhouse kick that finds it’s mark!
Eron Hunter atomic drops Sheik up on the top turnbuckle, then steps up to the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter with a regal superplex on The Sheik from the second turnbuckle!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik gets his shoulder up
Assessing his options, the West Coast Champion looks to the cage but decides against it. He rips the Sheik to his feet and looks for an Irish whip
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik reverses it into a stun gun, guiding Eron’s face into the exposed turnbuckle!!
With Eron now prone on the floor, the cameras spot the moment he realizes that blood runs down his head. Urged on from the outside by Malcolm Xavier Graves, Sheik grabs Eron by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws Eron Hunter headfirst through the ropes into the cage!!
A bleeding Hunter staggers back into Sheik who scoops him up into a michinoku driver II
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Malcolm Xavier Graves tries to push his cane through the cage to The Sheik but Kelly O’Connell
Phillip Blauer: Oh, come on! He’s just trying to help.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Seeing his manager thwarted, Sheik turns to a back-up plan. He picks up Hunter and headbutts him before whipping him to the corner. Sheik barrages in with a spinning heel kick!
The Albuquerque fans boo. Seeing Hunter’s legs buckle, The Sheik throws a dropkick and rolls back. Meanwhile, MXG throws a chair over the cage wall but the leg gets caught on the chain link inside the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik hits a seated Eron Hunter in the face with a running knee in the corner!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!” at the sight of Hunter’s head rocking back into the second turnbuckle. The Sheik climbs the ropes and retrieves the chair, and sets it up near the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik throws Eron Hunter from the corner and runs into the ropes. He steps on the chair, vaults off into onto the middle of the top rope and backflips into a triple jump moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Enraged, Sheik forces Eron to his feet and lifts him up for an atomic drop, then just launches him into the cage!!
Hanging perilously, the West Coast Champion is helpless to stop a rope-hung DDT taking him back to the mat.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: SCIMITAR!!
Phillip Blauer: My sentiments exactly. I’m glad someone finally had the grapes to say it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron’s face now painted red with his own blood so he cannot prevent The Sheik from hauling him to his feet. Sheik irish whips him into the ropes but when he spins for the black mass kick Eron Hunter rolls through into a fujiwara armbar!
The crowd comes to life! Maneuvering his body to make sure he can lock the hold in, Eron’s hair is now matted to his head with the blood.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell asks him if he wants to quit, she receives nothing verbally but a vehement shake of the head that tells her The Sheik isn’t going out like this right now.
Malcolm Xavier Graves climbs halfway up the side of the cage on the outside and tosses his cane over the top of the cage into the ring. The fans boo while Eron Hunter continues to push up on Sheik’s forearm and shoulder
Phillip Blauer: Oh dear, it appears MXG has lost his cane. Someone should probably get it back to the poor chap.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jonnie Valentine signed this match to a steel cage to keep Malcolm Xavier Graves out but it is failing to do so. The Sheik can see the cane is within his grasp. He reaches over and swings the cane into the side of Hunter’s head to break the hold!!
The boos rain down on The Sheik as he tosses the cane aside. Both men are slow to get up and instead head to opposite sides of the ring to use the ropes to get back to a vertical base
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter gets to his feet first but unsteadily. He charges in and connects with a forearm to the head of the rising Sheik!. Sheik fires back with one of his own! Both men rapidly fire off strikes to the head of each other with no one giving any ground up!
The Rancho Rio Events Center chants” FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* FIGHT FOREVER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik grabs the head of Eron Hunter and delivers another sickening headbutt. He swings for a huge punch, but Eron ducks and a double chicken wing suplex sends Sheik headfirst into the exposed steel turnbuckle!!
Still unsteady as he gets to his feet, the Hardkore West Coast Champion looks over his shoulder and sees The Sheik clutching his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter begins climbing the cage!
Phillip Blauer: He’s scared. Who wouldn’t be? The Sheik is deranged.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Eron quickly finds himself half-way up the structure, he tries to lift his leg up…but Malcolm Xavier Graves has climbed up the other side!
The fans boo and Eron Hunter swings his leg over and tries to kick MXG down, but Graves grabs on to Hunter’s leg and holds on for dear life
Phillip Blauer: The poor guy is trying not to fall to the floor. He doesn’t have his cane now for heaven’s sake!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Someone has to get Graves out of here! Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. asks “Who me?” then pretends to get a call on his phone and walks away
Phillip Blauer: That thing hasn’t been hooked up in months.
Hunter frees himself of Malcolm Xavier Graves’ arm and kicks him down to keep the him at bay. He looks backwards and spots The Sheik getting to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter backflips into a moonsault DDT off the top turnbuckle!!
The audience chants “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik is down but Eron is’t faring much better.
Eron Hunter holds his head, the blood now starting to dry and crust on his forehead. MXG can be heard rattling the cage hoping to stir his charge. Rolling onto his front, Hunter makes his way towards his The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: As Hunter lifts The Sheik up we see that he too now sports a crimson mask.
With an audible grunt, Eron lifts up The Sheik onto his shoulder and runs but The Sheik pushes off into a facebuster! The crowd noise drops from a crescendo to a whisper, MXG’s now pleased instructions rising above everything.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wrenching Eron to a vertical base, The Sheik overhand slaps the chest of the champion and scoops him up for a slam. He rushes Eron directly into the cage!!
The audience lets out a big “OH!” at the sound of Hunter’s head hitting the steel, and then Sheik sits out into an owen driver ‘97!! The Sheik looks around at the crowd who now bay for his blood. He smiles to himself as he pulls himself up and walks towards the side of the cage.
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik appears to believe the ex-Lynx has suffered enough and is ready to collect his title.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But when Eron Hunter does it, he’s scared?
Phillip Blauer: Like a bunny.
Using the ropes to climb up, The Sheik plants a foot on the steel structure of the cage, heightening the volume of the boos. He reaches up and pulls himself fully onto the cage.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron looks to the cage and sees his rival ascending. Rolling to his feet he starts to steadily make his way towards him.
The roar of the crowd tips off The Sheik of Hunter’s proximity. He looks down to see Eron now atop the turnbuckle and within touching distance.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik shoots a leg down to boot Eron in the head but Hunter dodges it. Eron Hunter catches The Sheik in a full nelson and dragon suplexes him off the cage to the ring below!!
The New Mexico fans chant “THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik looks knocked out cold but the West Coast Champion doesn’t look much better. Kelly O’Connell checks on both men with neither ready to throw in the towel with pride and the title on the line.
Eron gets to his feet to a huge cheer from the crowd.He staggers as he moves towards the cage door. The Albuquerque crowd reach fever-pitch the moment his hand goes to grab the door
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pushes the door open and pushes his head through the door bur Malcolm Xavier Graves slams the door into his head!! Come on!
The volume doesn’t drop but the crowd noise turns on a pinpoint from cheers to near-on riotous jeers. The fans start to chant “YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM! YOU BITCH, MALCOLM!”
Phillip Blauer: (to the fans) Please, have some decency! My wife watches this show when she wonders where I am!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter holds his head and staggers back into a german suplex by The Sheik!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik seems to be feeding off the crowd’s hatred.
Phillip Blauer: I can dig it.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 minutes Remaining.”
The bleeding Sheik points to the turnbuckle and starts to make his way towards it. He climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring and then turning around, The Sheik takes one last look to mark his target on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik backflips into a moonsault but Hunter moves out of the way!!
The Sheik bounces off the mat and Eron Hunter tosses him headfirst into the cage with an exploder suplex, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: This time it’s Eron who heads towards the corner for his own moonsault but The Sheik charges and cuts him off with some clubbing blows.
The Sheik leaps to the top turnbuckle and then balances himself on the top of the cage while looking down at Eron Hunter as he staggers up
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off the cage and catches Eron Hunter with a fameasser on the way down!!
The crowd boos as both men lie on the mat, bleeding and exhausted.
Malcolm Xavier Graves: NOW!
The Sheik lurches forward as he tries to make it to the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik starts to climb the cage once more!
The crowd urges on Hunter by chanting “Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap* Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap* Let’s Go Eron Let’s Go *clap *clap*
Phillip Blauer: Stop chanting, Guliani.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not. The Sheik still ascends but wears the pains of the war.
Hunter rolls to his feet and pushes himself to the ropes as he himself starts to scale the same panel of the cage
Phillip Blauer: We’ve got ourselves a race! Care to make it interesting?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No. The Sheik’s climb is neither smooth nor steady. Eron tries to close the gap but he too is in a far worse state than before the night began.
With great effort, The Sheik reaches the top and begins to pull himself over. He sees Eron, closer still but not quite able to pull him back
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion’s face is etched with determination and perhaps some desperation as he picks up the pace of his climb. The Sheik swings a leg over the cage, all he has to do is drop!
Phillip Blauer: Last chance, I’ll bet you Dorothy’s father’s watch. Thing has to be 150 years old. I just need your help getting it out of the nightstand while she sleeps…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron catches him! Both men start to fire off short forearms to the head of the other.
The Albuquerque fans chant “PLEASE DON’T DIE! PLEASE DON’T DIE! PLEASE DON’T DIE!”
Phillip Blauer: That’s touching.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Nine Minutes Have Elapsed. 1 minute Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter catches a punch and drags the Sheik up the cage. He hooks a leg and cradle capture superplexes him from the top of the cage!!
The audience chants “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”! Both men look broken, sharing the same blood-stained warpaint on their faces. Eron crawls at a glacial pace to The Sheik and drapes an arm over him.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays as Kelly O’Connell calls for the bell as Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine and Hardkore Medical David Valentine Jr. rush the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter did what he said he was going to do and that’s outlast The Sheik and take everything thrown at him, yet walk out with the title.
Greg Jin: “At 29 minutes 44 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Kelly O’Connell hands Eron Hunter his Hardkore West Coast Championship and his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship as he leans against the bottom rope, while David Valentine Jr. attempts to stem the bleeding. Malcolm Xavier Graves attends to The Sheik who is just beginning to move
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jonnie Valentine booked this as a steel cage match, but Eron Hunter still had to fend off the constant interference of Malcolm Xavier Graves.
Phillip Blauer: They haven’t made a cage yet that can keep out ol’ MXG!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter will now travel to Denver to put that XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship on the line against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Coming up fans, is our main event, don’t go away!
Your heavyweight champion is walking... backstage.
All is right with the world. He is champion. Disney+ is crushing it. Paramount+'s holiday ad campaign is so completely inept that his 2023 is basically going to be a vacation. The birds are singing. The crew are fawning over Zoran Sainovic for autographs. Craft services even has those mini-danishes he can't get enough of - in short, life is coming up Marty. WHAT the fuck!
Anywhere else on the Network, Marty Donovan might be worried about getting stabbed by Zoran again, but not here. Not in his home. Here he has internet testicles. Their name is Dan Stein. And with the confidence that the Punisher provides him with, there is no way that Marty is going to put up with some global champion stealing glory on his show!
Marty Donovan: What the hell are you doing here?
Zoran Sainovic: Who wouldn't want to visit... Albuquerque.
An arena pop can be heard hough the backstage corridor for this name drop.
Marty Donovan: Not fucking Albuquerque - everyone knows Albuquerque is amazing...
Marty waits for his own name drop pop, only to be greeted with crickets. Apparently the Alabquerue marks found Marty's appreciation disingenuous. This just feeds his inferiority inferno.
Marty Donovan: No, what are you doing in HARDKORE WORLD?
Zoran Sainovic: Looking for potential X*Crown challengers, I was hoping to sign a contract against Shiek or Kilroy Ev-
Marty Donovan: A title shot? Kilroy doesn't want a shot at your global strap. Around here it's all about my belt, around here I'm King Shit!
Zoran Sainovic: Yes, Syberus mentioned zat. ...He neglected to mention ze monarchy part.
Oh that tears it, Marty is going to cut this old man - where's Dan Stein? Marty pulls out a Lightyear themed walkie talkie.
Marty Donovan: Pun! Report to catering now! I need you to stand behind me with your arms crossed while I do the monologue from Training Day!
Cross Recoba: Zoran.
The XHF X*Crown champion narrows his eyes.
Zoran Sainovic: Cross.
The Final Boss turns to shoot his sketchy management rival a dirty look.
Cross Recoba: Looking for me?
Zoran Sainovic: No Cross, we are past zat. I challenged you... and you couldn't be bothered to respond. You're a big man when you have your Tap Out security, but when I suggest putting your HCW Diamond strap on ze line against ze Crown you suddenly get quiet. Like ze prospects weren't as favorable. Now I'm moving on to ze next victim.
Marty Donovan: Hey, we were talking-
Cross Recoba: Marty, the adults are talking...you want the Diamond title, Zoran?
Zoran Sainovic: I've already laid out ze challenge, you and me... New Year's Eve... counting down to 2023 in style.
Cross Recoba: Then here's the answer. You want me to end 2022 by taking that title off you and adding the HCW Diamond title to the lineage? I can't think of a better way to see in the New Year...wait, I can - I'm looking forward to putting you away with Up All Night in Dakota!
Marty Donovan: This is extremely rude.
Zoran Sainovic (still focused on Cross): Zen it's set.
Furious at this insult, Marty Donovan runs a knee into Zoran Sainovic's back - which sends the older athete crashing into Cross Recoba. Seeing this as an attack, Recoba starts to pummel Sainovic with rapid fire fists. Still only sporting one arm, Zoran works the ribs with forearm shots. Finding the two men brawling instead of paying him his just respects, Marty Donovan grabs a steel chair and joins the fray - all three men brawling away. The Backstage is flooded with bad blood, yet for all the spray patterns, the trio still seem to have more to give.
Fade back to ringside where Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. is taking down the cage with Hardkore Engineer Rocky Valentine Jr. and Hardkore Intern Andy Valentine Jr.
Phillip Blauer: How the in the Sam Hill was Zoran Sainovic able to get in here? He stabbed my best friend, Marty Donovan, and cost him several shoulder modeling roles. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. looks down in shame
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our main event. The Anointed challenge The Society of the New Breed for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles in a six man tag team tornado match. This all started back in July, when Syberus defeated Alexander Von Blankenship for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in the tournament final at Palm Springs Punishment 2022. That did not sit well with the son of a legend so in Coachella, AVB and Syberus brawled all the way to the back after a six man tag team match. After pretending to hate each other for weeks, Marty Donovan and Von Blankenship pulled the wool over Kilroy and Syberus’ eyes and defeated them in LA, double teaming them after the match and declaring themselves The Anointed. Then in Pomona, Donovan allowed The Oracles of Suffering to triple team Syberus to get him a non-title victory in a falls count anywhere match.
Phillip Blauer: The Oracles of Suffering. Were we ever so young? Next you’re going to tell me Jonnie Valentine’s wife was wrestling Andrew Karnage to a time limit draw.
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Irish Rage in Belfast 2022, Syberus’ distraction caused Alexander Von Blankenship and Marty Donovan to be eliminated from the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament and reformed The Society of the New Breed with Tuxedo Mask and Kilroy Evans…
Donnie Valentine Jr.: Heads up!
Part of the cage comes crashing down. Guillermo is able to get out of the way, but Phil is stuck in his wheelchair. The cage crashes down on him and knocks him out as a big “OH!!” goes over the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil?? Phil? Are you OK?
Blauer is unresponsive as Donnie, Rocky, and Andy pull the chain link fence off of him.
Donnie Valentine Jr.: My bad, those things are slippery with all the blood and sweat. Can we keep this between us? I got a review coming up.
Hardkore medic David Valentine Jr. checks on Phil, while Hardkore security Larry Valentine Jr. fans him with air, looking on helplessly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Can you hear me? Come on, you have cats to live for!
Guillermo winces from being shouted at in his headset
Guillermo O’Bannon: Um, sorry fans, this is live TV and…I’m being told, quite loudly by Hardkore director Danny Valentine Jr., that we’re already over on time and I need to keep things moving.
Phil is completely knocked out next to Guillermo as he forces a fake smile
Guillermo O’Bannon: So I will soldier on, best I can without Phil’s…well, whatever it is Phil does. So in Phoenix, The Anointed evened the odds, adding “High Roller” Wesley Crane by having him cost Syberus the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and handing the title to Marty Donovan.
Phil begins to unnervingly snore, startling Guillermo. Guillermo shudders, then continues
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Hardkore Helloween 2022, The Anointed triple teamed Syberus and eliminated him from the Hardkore Helloween Cup, and Marty Donovan put that Hardkore World Championship on the line against Kilroy Evans. Evans nearly regained the title, but then “The Punisher” Dan Stein shocked the World by returning to wrestling and siding with his old SWAT World Tag Team Championship partner. Now, here in Albuquerque, all six of these men will finally have it out and prove who the dominant faction is here in Hardkore World.
The theme from Willow plays and a thick cloud-like haze fills the entryway. The Rancho Rio Events Center lights turn plum purple and begin pulsing with the beat. The lights go back to normal and out steps Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan, “The High Roller” Wesley Crane, Alexander Von Blankenship, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein to thunderous boos from the fans. Marty walks out on his knees dressed as Willow with the shoes on his knees and Dan Stein is dressed as Darth Vader, though he doesn’t seem thrilled about it.. Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone while Alexander Von Blankenship has a cocky smirk on his smug face. Dan Stein and Crane are both wearing shades, but Wesley lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin. Stein keeps his on and scowls at the crowd. AVB holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his face. Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker, to the jeers of the crowd.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here they are, The Anointed. The Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan, the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner “High Roller” Wesley Crane, Alexander Von Blankenship, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein. As usual, Marty Donovan has no regard for his opponents and says that theirs is the stronger bond, as The Society of the New Breed are all out for themselves. I think he’s forgetting the run-ins he’s had with Wesley Crane across the pond and the giant target he has on his back due to Crane winning the title shot against him in Boston.
The Anointed slowly makes their way to the ring, the entire time looking around at the hostile fans. Alexander Von Blankenship looks out at the crowd, his smirk is now a scowl. Slowly walking towards the ring he points to a fan holding the sign that has a picture of The Anointed and it says “Rat Boy”. He yells loudly " I'm better than you!" Once at ringside, Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring. AVB walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets inside. He gives the ring a father son and holy spirit blessing before climbing the outside turnbuckle, looking towards the entire crowd he yells out "Always Very Blessed" before jumping down into the ring. Wesley Crane stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open. Marty Donovan is stuck at ringside because he can’t climb the stairs since he’s on his knees for his Willow costume
Disney’s Marty Donovan: A little help Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. stops fan Phil and runs over to lift Marty up to the apron. Marty awkwardly rolls through the ropes, and then stands in the center of the ring with his arms raised.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, “High Roller” Wesley Crane sees this match as an opportunity to get some payback on Syberus for putting his face in the barbed wire.
Hardkore medic David Valentine Jr. gives Phil some smelling salts
Phillip Blauer: Huh? Where am I? What happened?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The cage fell on your head.
Phillip Blauer: (confused) A cage? Where am I, that there’s a cage falling on my head? I’m a highly respected television personality, a winner of four Desert News Hawk Awards.
Guillermo O’Bannon: A pro wrestling show.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think so, I don’t know if I told you, but I’m a respected winner of five Desert News Hawk Awards. What would I be doing hosting a low brow local wrasslin program, filled with men covered in back hair and regret? Did I die? (looks around, frightened) Is this hell?
Guillermo O’Bannon: You didn’t save any money.
Phillip Blauer: That tracks. My God, there’s a little person in the ring. Am I in the Land of Oz??
Guillermo O’Bannon: New Mexico.
Phillip Blauer: I am in hell. The license plates look like you threw up a bowl of Fruit Loops and everything has hatch chile pepper here.
The lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens.
"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Albuquerque crowd reach their feet as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it as The Society of the New Breed emerges. Syberus’ robe is open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage. Tuxedo Mask seems a little wobbly as he stands at the side of the ramp for a moment to soak up and hold up the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship to the fans’ cheers.
Phillip Blauer: Grover Cleveland!
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, that’s Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: I see, and what in the Sam Hill is a tuxedo mask?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Are you sure you’re okay to finish the show?
Phil turns to Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. who shakes his head
Phillip Blauer: Doc says I’m A-OK!
Tuxedo Mask sort of meanders to the other side of the ramp. Kilroy steps through the curtain with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship slung over his shoulder.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Um, this feels wrong but it’s pretty par for the course here. As we can see, Tuxedo Mask thought he was drinking kombucha for health but it was actually Makoto Jupiter's soju she got for later.
Tuxedo Mask hands the belt to Kilroy, and then does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp, but just lands on his ass in a drunken heap
Phillip Blauer: Hoochie Wow ya.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus says the past couple months have frustrated him but now he has the fire in his belly to tear down The Anointed brick by brick, starting with tonight.
Phillip Blauer: And I for one, hope he does.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You do?
Phillip Blauer: I do?
Phil again looks to David Valentine Jr., who shakes his head
Phillip Blauer: Doc says I’m A-OK!
Syberus takes a brief look around at the cheering Albuquerque crowd before heading down the ramp with Kilroy.
Tuxedo Mask: “Did ya see that?”
Syberus nods and smiles that he did see that as Tuxedo Mask lies across the guardrail. Kilroy high fives some fans and jokes around with some of them. He points out a sign that says “If We Don’t See Dinky, We Riot” to Syberus, who nods and smiles. Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration from the Rio Rancho Events Center. Once up the ring steps, Syberus wipes his feet on the apron, as Kilroy enters the ring, giving Marty a big smile. Syberus steps through the ropes and circles the ring. Kilroy locks eyes on Marty
Phillip Blauer: That Southern looking fellow seems to be staring at the little person the way he probably stares at the sun for hours a day.
Syberus hops to the second turnbuckle and raises both fists in the air as the New Mexico fans cheer
Greg Jin: “The following contest is your Main Event of the evening!”
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a loud pop
Greg Jin: “It is a Six Man Tag Team Tornado Match, scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute, for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by “The Punisher” Dan Stein, he is from Amsterdam in the Netherlands; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall. Weighing in at 215 pounds; Brought to you by Arby’s, ‘We Have The Meats!’ He is Always Very Blessed…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP!! From Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 Pounds; He is the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner…’HIGH ROLLER’ WESLEY CRANE!! And from the Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida. Standing 6 feet and weighing 218 pounds; Representing Disney Plus who asks you to watch the new The Santa Clauses, the HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!...They are THE ANOINTED!!!”
The audience lets out a deafening wave of boos
Greg Jin: “And their opponents, hailing from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet tall and Weighing 220 pounds; The Only 5 Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion…THE GREAT SYBERUS!! His partner is from Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure...TUXEDO MASK!!! From Attbury, South Carolina; He stands at 5 feet 11 inches; and He is the Undisputed Owner of Dinky The Mule, The Attbury Assassin….KILROY EVANS!! They are the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
The fans let out an ear splitting pop as Tux, Kilroy and Syberus hold up their arms. Marty Donovan throws off the Willow costume and stands on his feet in a banana hammock. The camera pushes in on his new tattoo of the floating lantern from Disney's Tangled tattooed over his heart. His shoulder is taped
Phillip Blauer: We have witnessed a miracle. That little man is normal again, with some elegant titty art.
Alexander Von Blankenship spits at Syberus and the Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Tommy Milligan signals for the bell.
HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
Tornado Match
The Society of the New Breed vs. The Anointed
Guillermo O’Bannon: And we are underway! Syberus chases after AVB but Von Blankenship retreats to the outside!
Syberus threatens a suddenly standoffish Alexander Von Blankenship, and then Wesley Crane grabs him in a rear waistock. Crane dumps him on the back of his head with a german suplex
…ONE!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has got a bone to pick with Syberus from that barbed wire shot the Englishman gave him in Boston.
Disney’s Marty Donovan runs at Kilroy, but Evans catches him with a drop toehold. Tuxedo Mask pulls Marty Donovan up and then snap suplexes him hard to the mat. Wesley Crane hits Syberus with right hands
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock on Crane. Meanwhile, Kilroy Evans irish whips Marty but Donovan reverses it and shoots Kilroy into the corner.
Alexander Von Blankenship finally slides into the ring and scratches his fingernails into Tuxedo Mask’s eyes. Marty Donovan runs in and dropkicks Evans, getting a collective “OH!” out of the crowd, then a murmuring boo
Guillermo WeO’Bannon: Did you see Kilroy’s head rock back on that one? Yet to the left of them, Syberus locks his hands together and clamps down along Wesley Crane’s temple in the headlock
AVB hits Tuxedo Mask with a chop to get a “Woo!” out of the crowd. Marty Donovan sweeps Kilroy’s legs out from under him in the corner. Wesley Crane pulls back on Syberus' hair, while he maintains the side headlock. Donovan steps through the ropes out on to the floor
Guillermo WeO’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship strikes Tuxedo Mask with another reverse knife edge chop. Disney’s Marty Donovan slingshots over the ropes into a dropkick into Evans’ face in the corner!
The New Mexico audience cheers. Von Blankenship backs Tuxedo Mask back into the corner with another open handed chop. Syberus plants his legs and flips Crane over into a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Guillermo O’Bannon: It was here in Albuquerque in 2006 where Syberus won his first Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from Robert Hunglestien III. He was last here in 2012 when he booked a bunch of, less than capable opponents for an in an elimination match to basically give himself the Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Phillip Blauer: Why, that should be stricken from the record. I’m going on Wikipedia right now to change it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask fires back with a punch to the nose of AVB.
Alexander Von Blankenship just stares at Tux and the audience lets out a foreboding “Ohhhh…”
Phillip Blauer: What’s happening? What do they know that I don’t??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship slaps Tux across the face!
The Rio Rancho Events Center jeers, while Syberus continues to wear down Crane with that on the mat headlock. AVB pulls Kilroy up but Evans takes him over into a snap mare takeover
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane fights his way to his feet with Syberus hanging onto that headlock. He pushes him off into the ropes, and dips down for a backdrop, but Syberus catches him with a swinging neckbreaker!
Phillip Blauer: That neckbreaker sure does swing, Daddy-O.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a suplex, but Wesley Crane blocks it. Marty Donovan comes over and helps Crane lift Syberus up in a double hanging suplex. Donovan lets go, but Crane keeps him up there.
The fans boo, and then Crane drops Syberus on his head with a brainbuster! Kilroy grabs a reverse chinlock on Von Blankenship, but AVB reaches back and pokes him in the eye
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty grabs the blinded Kilroy by the legs and drops his balls on his knee with an inverted atomic drop. Wesley Crane grabs Kilroy and drops down into a jawbreaker! Nice triple team maneuver by The Anointed!
Phillip Blauer: I see, and who are they?
The New Mexico crowd boos loudly as Marty throws up his arms in triumph. Dan Stein nods, looking on approvingly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tux into the ropes and goes for a spinebuster, but Tux reverses it into a tornado DDT!
The crowd comes to life as Tux sits up and does a twirly motion with his finger with a smirk. Marty Donovan applies an abdominal stretch on Syberus
Guillermo O’Bannon: No good memories of Albuquerque for Marty Donovan. The last time he was here was in 2012 when he was teaming with The Shootfighter and Kota in a losing effort against Andrew Karnage, Rally Jackson, and Bruno. This is also where he lost his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship to “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in a 2006 ladder match.
Phillip Blauer: Pat Bozzini, now that does ring a bell, but these images, they hurt my already shattered brain. The colors…so many colors…
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane takes a few shots at the unprotected face of Syberus while Donovan holds him in that abdominal stretch.
Syberus finally plants his feet and hip tosses his way out of Marty Donovan’s abdominal stretch. He turns around into a running european uppercut by Wesley Crane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans scoops Alexander Von Blankenship up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker. Tuxedo Mask pulls Marty up and atomic drops his groin on the top rope!
The fans cheer as Marty’s eyes cross. Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes and comes back with a koppo kick that sends Marty over the ropes but Dan Stein catches him like a baby
Phillip Blauer: Darth Vader just saved that former little person!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rains down boos and heckles. Marty sticks his tongue out at Tuxedo Mask, while Dan Stein cradles him in his arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux turns around into an exploder suplex by “High Roller” Wesley Crane!
As Syberus rolls out of the ring. Kilroy tries to kick Alexander Von Blankenship but AVB catches his leg. Von Blankenship takes him to the mat with a dragon screw
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB starts putting the boots to Tuxedo Mask, and Crane starts joining in.
Dan Stein places Marty carefully back onto the apron. Meanwhile, Kilroy Evans grabs Wesley Crane from behind and ties up their legs. He pitches forward into a inverted russian legsweep
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to sneak up on “The Punisher” Dan Stein but he takes him out with a discus clothesline!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center rocks with boos as Syberus lays sprawled out on the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now how is this fair? The Anointed essentially have a fourth man on the outside!
Phillip Blauer: Why he appears to be merely their robot companion. Like Rosie from the Jetsons.
Inside the ring, Alexander Von Blankenship atomic drops Tuxedo Mask onto the turnbuckle facing the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is clearly a lot of pent up heat that has simmered over the decades, stemming from their battles all over the West Coast. Now Alexander Von Blankenship climbs to the second turnbuckle behind Tux, but Kilroy catches him from behind and german suplexes him from the second rope!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the city where Kilroy Evans won his second Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship ten years ago, defeating James Fierce in 2012…but wait a minute, Disney’s Marty Donovan hits the ropes and then flips over the top rope into a senton on Syberus on the floor!!
The New Mexico fans jeer. Kilroy Evans climbs to the second turnbuckle behind the still perched Tuxedo Mask
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans reverse superplexes Tuxedo Mask onto Wesley Crane!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Wesley Crane kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Very disappointing that they have to do that to one another to gain the edge. Sad, really.
Marty Donovan rolls back into the ring and runs into the ropes. He baseball slides but Syberus pulls out the ring apron skirt and traps Marty’s lower half in there
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus cracks Marty in the jaw with elbow after elbow!
Phillip Blauer: Get in there, umpire! Nothing with Modernism Pizza’s logo on it should be used as a weapon.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Inside the ring, Kilroy pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up and nails him with some right hands, but AVB counters with a hard chop.
Kilroy returns fire with another hard right cross, but another reverse knife edge chop backs Evans into the corner. Syberus hammers Donovan in the temple with another hard elbow at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Kilroy Evans into the corner and Wesley Crane runs in with a running knee to the face!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a big “OH!” at Kilroy’s head rocking back. Syberus grabs Donovan by the hair and rams him into the guardrail!! Back in the ring, Tuxedo Mask pulls Wesley Crane up by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask irish whips Crane, but Wesley reverses it and shoots Tux into the ropes. Crane dips down for a backdrop over the ropes, but Tux jumps onto his back and uses it to vault over the ropes into a plancha onto Marty on the floor!!
The crowd lets out a big pop as Marty and Tuxedo Mask lie on the floor. Alexander Von Blankenship scoops Kilroy up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB butterflies Kilroy’s arms, but Evans backdrops him up and over. Kilroy gut wrench suplexes Von Blankenship!
Syberus climbs up to the apron behind Wesley Crane, unbeknownst to him. He grabs Crane’s arm and drops down to the floor, wrenching it across the top rope. Wesley Crane clutches shoulder and drops to the mat, kicking his toes in the mat in pain. Out at ringside, Tuxedo Mask has pulled himself up by the railing and starts talking to a woman in the front row
Phillip Blauer: Oh sure, when he hits on a fan it’s all fine and dandy, but when Blau-Dog does it, it’s “grossly inappropriate age-wise” and “causing the wraparounds to take forever to tape”.
The fan seems to be interested and takes out her phone to get his number. Tux asks for a moment and then throws up at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, that’s…we’re so sorry fans. Hopefully Jimmy Valentine Jr. from merchandise can get her a Kilroy Kozy blanket or something so we don’t effectively kill this town.
Tuxedo Mask turns back towards the fan but she’s gone
Phillip Blauer: Too late.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan takes out Syberus on the floor with a slingblade! Inside the ring, Kilroy attempts a suplex on Alexander Von Blankenship but he blocks it. AVB counters with a snap suplex of his own.
“High Roller” Wesley Crane grabs a dragon sleeper on Kilroy Evans. He plants his feet and leans back on Kilroy’s head while AVB slaps him over and over. The audience boos loudly and Marty slides into the ring. Von Blankenship offers Marty a free shot at Kilroy in the dragon sleeper, but Marty hesitates
Guillermo O’Bannon: For some reason Marty doesn’t seem to want the free shot Crane and Von Blankenship are offering him.
Phillip Blauer: What a sportsman!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan instead hits the ropes, hops onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard missile dropkick that catches Tux on the floor!!
The Albuquerque fans jeer, while inside the ring Tommy Milligan asks Kilroy if he wants to tap out to Wesley Crane dragon sleeper. Syberus rolls into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus cuts off an incoming AVB with a kick to the stomach, and then whips him around into a swinging neckbreaker. Wesley Crane releases the dragon sleeper, but Syberus kicks him in the stomach and hits him with a swinging neckbreaker too!
Marty Donovan rolls into the ring to help his stablemates but Syberus kicks him in the stomach and gives him another swinging neckbreaker
Phillip Blauer: It’s a chorus line of swinging neckbreakers! That’s a great name for a band that plays standards from the Great American Songbook.
All three of The Anointed lay on the mat, holding the back of their neck. Kilroy rolls out to the floor and helps Tuxedo Mask to his feet, but “The Punisher” Dan Stein stands in front of them menacingly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Tux into Dan Stein for a crossbody block, but Dan catches Tux!
The audience boos as Dan Stein in his Darth Vader mask holds the 185 pound Tuxedo Mask effortlessly and laughs at Kilroy who looks shaken
Guillermo O’Bannon: These Albuquerque fans remember “The Punisher” Dan Stein lost his Hardkore America Championship to the late great Adrian Tanner Jr. in 2007.
Syberus rolls out of the ring and Kilroy Irish whips him into Stein with Tux for a bigger and more successful crossbody block and the audience pops as The Punisher goes down, knocking off his Darth Vader mask. Kilroy Evans celebrates with a couple of ringside fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: It took all of The Society of the New Breed but The Punisher goes down!
Kilroy Evans hugs a female fan in the front row. After they let go, Kilroy turns around into a superkick from Alexander Von Blankenship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ordained out on the floor! Syberus stands up and “High Roller” Wesley Crane hits him with a spear into the railing!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center lets out a collective “OH!!” at the sound of Syberus hitting the steel. Syberus clutches the back of his head while the audience boos The Anointed. Alexander Von Blankenship hands Marty Donovan a chair, while “The Punisher” Dan Stein gathers a dazed Syberus and Tux
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan hops onto the middle of the top rope while holding that chair, and then backflips into an asai moonsault with that chair onto Tuxedo Mask and Syberus!!
Boos thunder down as Alexander Von Blankenship pulls Kilroy up who is suddenly busted open, and then kicks him in the side of the knee. Kilroy grabs AVB by the hair and slams his face into the apron
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon:Kilroy Evans pulls Alexander Von Blankenship up into a piledriver and leaves him up there to think about it for a while. He drops down and drills AVB’s skull into the concrete!!
The crowd comes to life as AVB lies lifeless on the Rancho Rio Events Center floor. A closeup shows blood trickling from Von Blankenship’s forehead. Wesley Crane rolls Syberus back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane steps into the ring and lifts Syberus up into a suplex, and drops him onto his head with a brainbuster!
Wesley Crane rolls his hips into he and Syberus are back up to their feet and lofts him up and down into another brainbuster. The fans now heckle Wesley Crane as Kilroy and Tux roll back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane lifts him up for another brainbuster but Syberus floats over onto his feet and grabs Crane from behind with a rear naked choke. Syberus drops Wesley Crane back to the mat!
The audience jumps to their feet as Wesley Crane panics in the center of the ring. On the floor, Alexander Von Blankenship stands up, but wobbly. Kilroy presses Tuxedo Mask over his head but Tux protests
Tuxedo Mask: No, no! There must be another way!
Phillip Blauer: Unhand that man!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans tosses Tuxedo Mask over the ropes onto the busted open AVB!!
The Rancho Rio Events Center erupts in cheers as Tux and Alexander Von Blankenship lie on the floor, exhausted. Inside the ring, Syberus clamps his forearm down across Crane’s windpipe as Tommy Milligan checks in for the tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips into a 450 Ode to Romero splash on both Syberus and Wesley Crane!!
The cheers turn to jeers as both Crane and Syberus lie on their side, trying to recover. Donovan tries to get up but Kilroy grabs him in a double underhook
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan blocks the DDT, and lifts Kilroy in a fireman’s carry, then flips him over, dropping the back of Evans’ neck on his knee with a ushigoroshi!!
Kilroy Evans clutches the back of his neck and rolls out of the ring but walks right into a discus clothesline from “The Punisher” Dan Stein!! The New Mexico fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Kilroy hitting the concrete
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh come on, what is this? Meanwhile, inside the ring, Marty Donovan walks into a Butterfly Lock by Syberus!
Syberus locks his arms and pulls back on Donovan’s double underhooked arms. At ringside, Tuxedo Mask tries to attack Dan Stein but he catches Tux with a double handed choke and lifts him up high in the air! The crowd boos loudly while the 5’8 Tux is strangled by the 6’7 Dan Stein. Stein throttles him, trying to crush his windpipe
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a bully!
Phillip Blauer: That little man needs to just tell him what he knows.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein twists and drops down into a tigerbomb on the floor!!
Dan Stein jumps right back up and talks trash to both Tux and Kilroy Evans lying on the floor, but he is drowned out by the jeering fans. Inside the ring, Tommy Mulligan asks Donovan if he wants to give up but Donovan shakes his head. Back on the floor, a bleeding Alexander Von Blankenship start kicking Tuxedo Mask on the floor, and Wesley Crane starts joining in with some stomps on Kilroy Evans while he lies across the guardrail
Guillermo O’Bannon: This was Marty’s plan all along, Dan Stein is taking everyone out! Now he backdrops his way out of Syberus’ butterfly lock!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein sets up a table and then he and Alexander Von Blankenship roll Kilroy Evans onto a table. They motion to Marty Donovan, who nods and then hits the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan hops onto the middle of the top rope and…hesitates?
The Albuquerque fans buzz with confusion while Marty Donovan looks at a helpless Kilroy Evans lying on the table at ringside
Phillip Blauer: Marty’s greatest quality is his mercy…and his generosity.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan jumps off and grabs Tuxedo Mask with a springboard tornado DDT on the floor instead!!
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining.”
The crowd boos Marty Donovan as Tuxedo Mask lies on the Rancho Rio Events Center motionlessly. Dan Stein throws up his arms, questioning Marty. Alexander Von Blankenship slides back into the ring. Suddenly, Wesley Crane runs up the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane comes off the top with a flying elbow on Kilroy Evans through the table on the floor!!
The jeers and heckling gets louder as Wesley Crane and Kilroy Evans lie in the former table. Marty Donovan stares at Wesley Crane who is making direct eye contact with Donovan. Dan Stein continues to question Marty as well
Phillip Blauer: I don’t understand the dissension. This should be a happy occasion!
Dan Stein rolls Tuxedo Mask into the ring, and Alexander Von Blankenship lifts Tux up onto his shoulder and then sits out, dropping Tux on his head with a barry white driver
Guillermo O’Bannon: Desecration!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship irish whips Tuxedo Mask into the ropes and cocks that Baptism punch but the drunken Tux falls through the ropes out to the floor!!
AVB throws his arms up in disgust and Wayne Tanner Jr. is suddenly in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wayne Tanner Jr. nearly takes Alexander Von Blankenship’s head off with a big boot!!
The crowd celebrates, jumping up and down in jubilation while a bloody Alexander Von Blankenship is sprawled out on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The nephew of the late, great Adrian Tanner Jr. nearly kicked Alexander Von Blankenship’s face in!
Phillip Blauer: Why does this large man get to just assault tonight’s attractions?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Many say it’s fate? Others say it could be incompetence amongst the security detail but that’s really unproven crackpot theory.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs Alexander Von Blankenship in a single underhook and drives his head into the mat with a Pure Confidence DDT!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle plays and the New Mexico fans jump up and down in celebration. Syberus rolls off of AVB with his hand in the air while Kilroy Evans lies in a broken table and Tuxedo Mask is sprawled out on the floor, sort of laughing
Greg Jin: “At 28 minutes 34 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wayne Tanner Jr. has made his presence known once again, helping out his family friend, Syberus and his friends Kilroy Evans and Tux retain their Hardkore World Tag Team Championships.
Phillip Blauer: Now that hardly seems fair…
Guillermo O’Bannon: And it hardly seems fair that “The Punisher” Dan Stein was able to interfere carte blanche as well but it appears Syberus brought in the big man to even the odds.
Syberus goes to the outside and hugs Wayne Tanner Jr., popping the crowd. Tanner and Syberus help Tuxedo Mask up, and they celebrate with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship belts. Tux, Syberus and Tanner going to check on Kilroy, who is laid out in some table debris
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Society of the New Breed hold on to their tag team belts, meanwhile The Anointed seem to have some disorganization in their ranks when it comes to Marty Donovan and how to deal with Kilroy Evans. Combine that with what’s been going on in Wrestle UK, and Wesley Crane having a title shot against Marty after winning the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup, and it all seems like a combustible situation.
Marty Donovan, Dan Stein, Wesley Crane, and a crimson masked Alexander Von Blankenship stagger through the curtain while Kiroy Evans, Syberus, Tux, and Wayne Tanner Jr. hold up the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship belts
