You want me to do what to your ass? (rp2)
Dec 20, 2022 13:04:48 GMT -5
mosler and REIGN Board of Directors like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Dec 20, 2022 13:04:48 GMT -5
As Steve Awesome walked down the hallway a crowd of people in business suits walked close behind him.
“Steve!? Can we run some movie roles for you?”
“Okay sure, but you are going to have to walk and talk because I’m late for my work out.”
A person walks up.
“Count Chocula the movie.”
“Pass.“
Another suit takes his place.
“Chowder Head. It’s about a guy whose head is literally-“
“Pass.”
Another suit gives it a go.
“Tetris! The movie!”
Steve stops immediately and the whole crowd behind him stops too. Steve rubs his chiseled jaw as he thinks.
“Would I be the lead block? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Pass.”
Steve keeps walking and reaches the end of the hallway where a set of doors were.
“Okay, that’s all for today. Send all the rest to my agent Agnes.”
“We can’t. She died in that fiery auto-crash promo that didn’t even win you the XCrown.”
“Oh yeah….that’s right….uhhh well I guess try again tomorrow.”
The movie pitchers all rambled to themselves as Steve headed out through the doors toward a limo that was waiting for him outside. Before he could get in, the limo driver reminded him of a prior engagement that he was supposed to attend.
“Ewww Jake Gyllenhaal’s birthday party!? I don’t want to go to that! So what if I promised. Just tell them I’m sick. They probably won’t even miss me.”
Steve gets into the limo.
Cut to Jake Gyllenhaal’s birthday party right as Jake gets the news about Steve.
Tears stroll down Jake's face.
Jake: My party is ruined!
Jake runs out of the room crying.
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
Fade into the back of a limo. Steve Awesome is dressed in another official Marty Donovan t-shirt. (janear, jafar, JaMarty) Steve flips through some paperwork and then looks up and addresses the camera.
“I’m a busy man, Donzig.”
Steve neaten up the stack of papers with a tap on the table and then places them in a briefcase.
“I got movies to make, grand openings to attend, talk shows to appear on, global pay per views to represent REIGN on….”
He smirks.
“I don’t have time to go back and listen to you give my promo a full rebuttal everytime like you're some type of parrot lawyer.”
Steve rubs his chin and then writes down “parrot lawyer” under movie ideas in a notebook.
“But I did find time for this last one and I just wondered while you were going over all your wins and losses and title wins from dead feds that don’t exist anymore…..you gotta wonder if there is a correlation there…..if you were sitting there thinking….”
Steve reaches off camera and places a metal colander over his face. Steve hisses.
“Steve will undoubtedly change his mind once I present him with all these facts….hissssssssss”
Steve tossed the metal strainer off to the side and rolled his eyes.
“And did you ask me if being likable and popular and marketable is something I’m proud of? I mean….”
Steve awkwardly glances back and forth in confusion.
“Isn’t that the whole point of why we’ve been going back and forth in the first place? Who is the top guy? Who represents REIGN? When you start yelling and spitting when you talk, do you even know what you're yelling about, Donzig? This guy doesn’t even like REIGN, or the XCrown title or XHF or whatever yet he’s still going to show up to Santa Claus Village and try to fight for all of it anyway because he’s full of shit.”
Steve shakes his head and sighs.
“He’s just a big stinky angry bag of shit.”
Another sigh.
“And I’d always wonder, why is Donzig so mad all the time? What crawled up this man’s ass and died for him to be this ornery all the time? Then I realized….Donzig is anger.”
He nods.
“I mean obviously there is a whole lot of jealousy in there. A lot of pettiness and spite. Some small wiener issues, and an obsession with getting respect that he just can’t quite seem to nail despite everything he does.”
Steve shrugs.
“But for the most part Donzig is just pure anger. He’s big mad like all the time.”
Steve leans back in his seat as the top guy limo runs down the highway.
“I get it. He’s got a lot to be mad about.”
“He’s mad that I only have to wrestle once a month. It’s called being an attraction, brother. Maybe you should try it one day.”
He smirks.
“He’s mad that everytime I wrestle it’s a big deal. Everytime I wrestle, I win XCrown’s. Or I win End of Days. Or I win Call to Arms back to back three times in a row. Meanwhile Donzig has wrestled everyone, everywhere, three times and still literally no one gives a shit.”
“He’s big mad because he thinks I’m in some kind of Kliq or that I get special treatment. When really, I just win matches that earn me opportunities. Like this match in Finland. And Donzig has had plenty of opportunities but he just loses them. Like the Beat the Clock challenge back when I had the crown. Or Like this match in Finland.
“It also really stings for him to know that instead of a Kliq holding him back they just think he’s lame and annoying. And instead of a Kliq it’s just everybody.
I mean let’s face it, if I lose this match to Donzig, other wrestlers will make fun of me for it! It will be a major upset for him but I’ll be the laughing stock of all the other top guys. I know Dylan will be the first one to point and laugh and say “bro how did the face of the franchise lose to the guy whose head looks like an uncooked chicken wing?” I’m sure Donzig knows this and I’m sure it really ticks him off.
“Donzig is angry because he’s starting to realize that even my lowest point, of getting brutally stabbed at the Rumble, was much more memorable than anything he’s ever done in his whole career.
Donzig is jealous of my good looks. And how easy I make being a top guy look and seem. He’s resentful of my promo style and how I talk even though my man even though my man’s hisses and spits on himself inside a stupid metal mask.”
He cups his hands around his mouth.
“We already know what you look like, dipshit.”
He chuckles to himself.
“He’s fearful that in Santa’s Village I’m going to expose him as the one dimensional angry yelling in a room edgelord generic villain but can’t get it done when it matters most. And I mean, I could do that. I could kick Donzigs head in for every empty threat and every asinine comment he made.
He gives the camera a confident grin.
“But I know what will really make you mad, Donzig. I’m not going to try to “kick your ass”. Well, if I happen to punch you in your stupid running mouth, then that’s fine, but in our match in Finland, I’m just going to beat you.”
He smiles and nods.
“Maybe with a small package or a school boy? Maybe I’ll bust out the La Magistral on ya. I’m just going to beat you clean in the middle one, two, three, before the Hot Coco gets cold! Then I’m going to make sure I get a picture of the look on your face afterward.”
Steve holds up a camera.
“Because I’m sure you’ll be super pissed when you realize you were out wrestled and outsmarted by the frat boy speaking, big match having, extremely marketable, Steve Awesome.”
Even though he was sitting, he still did a crotch chop.
“Donzig is just really butt hurt because he knows I’m going to Battle of Hegemony as the REIGN representative. He knows I’m going to whip his ass and leave him in the dust. He’s going to assume it’s because of some big conspiracy against him but we all know it’s because he peaked like a year ago and he sucks and is stuck in the mid tier and I slapped him so hard his stupid goons in his little dumb group will feel it.
Another confident grin from the Face of the Franchise.
“I'm sure Donzig is the most mad because despite trying to drag my name through the dirt and being a real jerk, I’m going to prove I’m the better man, and the true face of REIGN.”
“But let’s face facts…what Donzig SHOULD be mad about, is the fact that if he could just-
-do his job in the first place!-
He sneered.
“There wouldn’t even be a top guy dispute to have….”
He pointed to himself.
“…and The Face of the Franchise wouldn’t have to come in and do it for you.”
Confident glare.
“Top guy, out….”
Fade.