Post by Dave D-Flipz on Dec 20, 2022 23:47:45 GMT -5
*The scene opens with a close up on the face of our lovable XHF Global Tag Team Champion. He seems deep in thought. He is looking at something, his eyes darting around … *
Death Trap: I dunno … maybe this one?
*We zoom out and DT is staring at an entire aisle of hats in a haberdashery! He is parked in an empty aisle. Like barren. And on the shelves are a collection of … bucket hats, bowler hats, and fedoras.*
Cameraman: Uh … why are you … here?
Death Trap: Hmm?
*DT cocks his head to the side and smiles.*
Death Trap: OH! Yeah it’s Christmas season and I, like so many people … have um … forgotten to buy gifts for the new significant person in my life.
Cameraman: You are screwed.
*DT buzzes his lips and dismisses the pessimistic cameraguy.*
Death Trap: Pffffft. You clearly have no idea what women like.
Cameraman: … Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
*DT grabs a blue bowler hat and looks it over. He feels the felt of the brim and tries to judge the size. Would this fit over messy buns? He eventually smiles and nods. He tosses the ugly as sin hat into his basket which is hung on his left arm. He bounds off joyously to the fedoras.*
Death Trap: Ok now do they have this in pink? Hah I can’t believe how empty this place is! On December 20th no less! Amazing luck. Clearly the Finnish get their shopping done early.
*The cameraman turns and walks to the end of this particular aisle … the entire store is crazy packed. Just not this aisle. There’s a reason all these hats are in the SAME floor space. Furthermore the mall outside this store is also buzzing and bustling with activity.*
Cameraman: You aren’t the most observant gift-giver are you?
Death Trap: Oh hush, Mistress will adore the hat, we can match! And Chaos wants clothing that exudes professionalism while also being sexy. I should also buy her a prairie dog plush to remind her of our lovely trip to the zoo!
Cameraman: Gonna get her daughter a fireman’s hat and reenact the rescue?
*Beat*
Death Trap: Look I want this done so I can focus on my match. Esmeralda is a dangerous foe. And even without her crazy tricks, she is not to be underestimated.
*He continues to peruse the fedoras. He finds a few different shades of pink and zeroes in on it. He grabs a light pink fedora and tosses it into his basket and begins to talk to the camera as he moves to the bucket hat area of the aisle from hell.*
Death Trap: EVK! Esmeralda. DAH-LING *he leans into that one* Listen, I know you don’t think very highly of me. Or anyone. But there is something you need to know. This match? This one here? This is my domain. A straight up display of technical wrestling prowess. You may be a monster when it comes to tricks and traps and bits and bobs. But in a match where disqualification is real, and the goal is to get a submission or a pinfall? Well that is where DT excels. They may as well have named this plate the Death Trap plate. Because I’ve been showing it my whole career, nobody is more of a ring master than myself.
*He turns to look at the ugly ass hats*
Death Trap: See you only really know me from that dead company. Where I tangled with your husband, and won. And it may seem like a big up to you that you managed to outcompete Donzig. The man who took me out of SWAT, the man who just defeated me last month … though that is a STRONG word. He managed to fall slower than me. I’ll just lay off the cannoli and I’ll be fine next time. But two points. One: Everyone has a bugaboo. In the original XHF I was Chris Kanyon’s. One of the top champions ever and he was 0-7 against yours truly. And mine was Ishnari, the reason I learned to use submissions so well. Never did beat that guy. Now in this current incarnation … I suppose mine might be Donzig. Or Hyperion. They’ve both got 2 wins on me. So I’m really not concerned that you outlasted him. As he just seems to have my number … FOR NOW … But more importantly … number two … this is NOT some weird match where we have to balance on a shaking platform like cruiserweights. This is a wrestling match. This is to see who can ply our trade the most effectively and efficiently. And you don’t strike me as the type to thrive in this environment. No tricks, no plans, no distractions. And furthermore, neither of us will have our entourages at ringside.
*DT’s eyes light up as he sees an aqua green colored bucket hat that any teenager would despise … and he grabs it and tosses it into his bin and begins to walk to the cashiers*
Death Trap: Teenagers know the trends. Sarah will love this. WHOA … when did it get so crowded? Maybe I just beat the rush!
*His aisle remains empty… he marches onward to the cashier to pay*
Death Trap: So when you get right down to it … how do you plan to overcome the master of the dragon sleeper, the master of puppets, the master … of the Reign Ring? Well soon to be master of the reign ring. You’ve seen how good I am when I outlasted you AND Donzig at Call to Arms. You recognized my talents then, even if only in how they could help YOU. But in case you needed a reminder … this here on my waist…
*He pats his title belt*
Death Trap: This is the global XHF Tag Team Championship. I am a two time X*Crown champion, a two time MCCW Champion, an XHF Champion, a legend in this business. And you would be wise to do a little bit of research and preparation. Because if you just rest on your threats and imposing figure … you are in for a world of hurt. No, this isn’t personal. There’s no vendetta, no hostages, no murder. Just two wrestlers, stepping into the ring to put on a show. And despite the position on the card, recognize that this IS the Main Attraction. An X*Crown champ and the current King of the World clashing over the next plate you need to maintain your dominance, and I need to begin my ascension.
*He sets his hats on the counter as the cashier looks down at them … pauses … looks up at DT … sees HIS hat … and his big dumb grin … and shrugs as he scans and bags the hats.*
Death Trap: I’d get more into your whole presentation but … I’m in public and kids might hear and get frightened. I’m not saying you aren’t a threat, a formidable worthy foe … I’m saying you are a brawler, reliant on outside items and people, and a big of a loony. How you manage to avoid prison, or worse, I don’t know.
*He scans his credit card and the cashier hands him the bag and places the receipt in the bag with the three gift boxes of hats*
Death Trap: But you wouldn’t be the first person to simply over look me for being washed up … a has been … old and tired … and I sent the other guys packing back to SCCW in tears. It’s about time the people of Reign got the full DT experience. Got to see the force of nature that is the Main Attraction. And it’s about time someone in this company put some Goddamned respect on my name. Just be happy the only thing on the line is a new plate and not the one you have … or the belt you carry. Because all that’s ahead for you von Krauss … is the same familiar taste of bitter disappointment your husband felt every time he stepped in the ring with me … and probably the same one that you feel every time he takes you to bed…
*DT’s phone rings as he exits into the mall. The sound of “Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria as the ring tone echoes. He happily answers.*
Dr. Chaos: Heya Death Trap. So, your Mistress wants me to relay a message to you.
Death Trap: Oh really? Let her know I found her the perfect gif-
Dr. Chaos: If you come home with a hat for her, you will be sleeping on the lawn … with no blankets … or shirts. OR SHORTS!
*DT’s face sinks. He gulps hard.*
Death Trap: Oh please! I wouldn’t do that! I’d like to think I know my own wife! … hehe …. Uh … What makes you think I’m in a haberdashery?
Dr. Chaos: *a short pause to think … then a curt reply* That you even know that word is all the confirmation I needed, never you mind how I know where you are at all times.
Death Trap: Fine, I- wait, what?
Dr. Chaos: What? Ok message relayed! HAHA! GOTTA GOOOOOO!
*click … DT looks at the cameraman*
Death Trap: Find me that Santa again, I need a miracle … Or … Where’s the nearest chocolatier?
Death Trap: I dunno … maybe this one?
*We zoom out and DT is staring at an entire aisle of hats in a haberdashery! He is parked in an empty aisle. Like barren. And on the shelves are a collection of … bucket hats, bowler hats, and fedoras.*
Cameraman: Uh … why are you … here?
Death Trap: Hmm?
*DT cocks his head to the side and smiles.*
Death Trap: OH! Yeah it’s Christmas season and I, like so many people … have um … forgotten to buy gifts for the new significant person in my life.
Cameraman: You are screwed.
*DT buzzes his lips and dismisses the pessimistic cameraguy.*
Death Trap: Pffffft. You clearly have no idea what women like.
Cameraman: … Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
*DT grabs a blue bowler hat and looks it over. He feels the felt of the brim and tries to judge the size. Would this fit over messy buns? He eventually smiles and nods. He tosses the ugly as sin hat into his basket which is hung on his left arm. He bounds off joyously to the fedoras.*
Death Trap: Ok now do they have this in pink? Hah I can’t believe how empty this place is! On December 20th no less! Amazing luck. Clearly the Finnish get their shopping done early.
*The cameraman turns and walks to the end of this particular aisle … the entire store is crazy packed. Just not this aisle. There’s a reason all these hats are in the SAME floor space. Furthermore the mall outside this store is also buzzing and bustling with activity.*
Cameraman: You aren’t the most observant gift-giver are you?
Death Trap: Oh hush, Mistress will adore the hat, we can match! And Chaos wants clothing that exudes professionalism while also being sexy. I should also buy her a prairie dog plush to remind her of our lovely trip to the zoo!
Cameraman: Gonna get her daughter a fireman’s hat and reenact the rescue?
*Beat*
Death Trap: Look I want this done so I can focus on my match. Esmeralda is a dangerous foe. And even without her crazy tricks, she is not to be underestimated.
*He continues to peruse the fedoras. He finds a few different shades of pink and zeroes in on it. He grabs a light pink fedora and tosses it into his basket and begins to talk to the camera as he moves to the bucket hat area of the aisle from hell.*
Death Trap: EVK! Esmeralda. DAH-LING *he leans into that one* Listen, I know you don’t think very highly of me. Or anyone. But there is something you need to know. This match? This one here? This is my domain. A straight up display of technical wrestling prowess. You may be a monster when it comes to tricks and traps and bits and bobs. But in a match where disqualification is real, and the goal is to get a submission or a pinfall? Well that is where DT excels. They may as well have named this plate the Death Trap plate. Because I’ve been showing it my whole career, nobody is more of a ring master than myself.
*He turns to look at the ugly ass hats*
Death Trap: See you only really know me from that dead company. Where I tangled with your husband, and won. And it may seem like a big up to you that you managed to outcompete Donzig. The man who took me out of SWAT, the man who just defeated me last month … though that is a STRONG word. He managed to fall slower than me. I’ll just lay off the cannoli and I’ll be fine next time. But two points. One: Everyone has a bugaboo. In the original XHF I was Chris Kanyon’s. One of the top champions ever and he was 0-7 against yours truly. And mine was Ishnari, the reason I learned to use submissions so well. Never did beat that guy. Now in this current incarnation … I suppose mine might be Donzig. Or Hyperion. They’ve both got 2 wins on me. So I’m really not concerned that you outlasted him. As he just seems to have my number … FOR NOW … But more importantly … number two … this is NOT some weird match where we have to balance on a shaking platform like cruiserweights. This is a wrestling match. This is to see who can ply our trade the most effectively and efficiently. And you don’t strike me as the type to thrive in this environment. No tricks, no plans, no distractions. And furthermore, neither of us will have our entourages at ringside.
*DT’s eyes light up as he sees an aqua green colored bucket hat that any teenager would despise … and he grabs it and tosses it into his bin and begins to walk to the cashiers*
Death Trap: Teenagers know the trends. Sarah will love this. WHOA … when did it get so crowded? Maybe I just beat the rush!
*His aisle remains empty… he marches onward to the cashier to pay*
Death Trap: So when you get right down to it … how do you plan to overcome the master of the dragon sleeper, the master of puppets, the master … of the Reign Ring? Well soon to be master of the reign ring. You’ve seen how good I am when I outlasted you AND Donzig at Call to Arms. You recognized my talents then, even if only in how they could help YOU. But in case you needed a reminder … this here on my waist…
*He pats his title belt*
Death Trap: This is the global XHF Tag Team Championship. I am a two time X*Crown champion, a two time MCCW Champion, an XHF Champion, a legend in this business. And you would be wise to do a little bit of research and preparation. Because if you just rest on your threats and imposing figure … you are in for a world of hurt. No, this isn’t personal. There’s no vendetta, no hostages, no murder. Just two wrestlers, stepping into the ring to put on a show. And despite the position on the card, recognize that this IS the Main Attraction. An X*Crown champ and the current King of the World clashing over the next plate you need to maintain your dominance, and I need to begin my ascension.
*He sets his hats on the counter as the cashier looks down at them … pauses … looks up at DT … sees HIS hat … and his big dumb grin … and shrugs as he scans and bags the hats.*
Death Trap: I’d get more into your whole presentation but … I’m in public and kids might hear and get frightened. I’m not saying you aren’t a threat, a formidable worthy foe … I’m saying you are a brawler, reliant on outside items and people, and a big of a loony. How you manage to avoid prison, or worse, I don’t know.
*He scans his credit card and the cashier hands him the bag and places the receipt in the bag with the three gift boxes of hats*
Death Trap: But you wouldn’t be the first person to simply over look me for being washed up … a has been … old and tired … and I sent the other guys packing back to SCCW in tears. It’s about time the people of Reign got the full DT experience. Got to see the force of nature that is the Main Attraction. And it’s about time someone in this company put some Goddamned respect on my name. Just be happy the only thing on the line is a new plate and not the one you have … or the belt you carry. Because all that’s ahead for you von Krauss … is the same familiar taste of bitter disappointment your husband felt every time he stepped in the ring with me … and probably the same one that you feel every time he takes you to bed…
*DT’s phone rings as he exits into the mall. The sound of “Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria as the ring tone echoes. He happily answers.*
Dr. Chaos: Heya Death Trap. So, your Mistress wants me to relay a message to you.
Death Trap: Oh really? Let her know I found her the perfect gif-
Dr. Chaos: If you come home with a hat for her, you will be sleeping on the lawn … with no blankets … or shirts. OR SHORTS!
*DT’s face sinks. He gulps hard.*
Death Trap: Oh please! I wouldn’t do that! I’d like to think I know my own wife! … hehe …. Uh … What makes you think I’m in a haberdashery?
Dr. Chaos: *a short pause to think … then a curt reply* That you even know that word is all the confirmation I needed, never you mind how I know where you are at all times.
Death Trap: Fine, I- wait, what?
Dr. Chaos: What? Ok message relayed! HAHA! GOTTA GOOOOOO!
*click … DT looks at the cameraman*
Death Trap: Find me that Santa again, I need a miracle … Or … Where’s the nearest chocolatier?
