OVN Civil War: Love and Blunder [CBB #2]
Dec 21, 2022 18:33:42 GMT -5
Venom 🕷, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by Cross Recoba on Dec 21, 2022 18:33:42 GMT -5
INT. DES MOINES POLICE STATION - DAY
OVER BLACK
TITLE: “I KILLED YOU, DIDN’T I? I’M SORRY. HAD TO BE DONE.”
FADE IN
INT. DES MOINES POLICE STATION - DAY
BLOBBY and EDMONDS sit in a grey police interrogation room. They look less impressed than the time the XHF Network glitched and made them watch nothing but Billy Fowler matches.
The click of a recorder is heard.
(BEAT)
(BEAT)
EDMONDS and BLOBBY remain silent.
FADE IN
EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - DAY
We see BLOBBY and his BLOBBERINA, BLOBBY rides a bike as BLOBBERINA rides atop the handlebars.
The HAPPY PAIR continue on their ride. An APPLE falls from a tree and into BLOBBERINA’s hand.
BLOBBERINA takes a bite from the apple before feeding it to him for his own bite.
BLOBBY continues to pedal, past outbuildings on a Farm.
BLOBBERINA points off-screen.
BLOBBY pedals towards her requested destination.
BLOBBERINA hops off and runs into the barn. BLOBBERINA heads to the BARN LOFT as BLOBBY rides out from the BARN.
EXT. FARM COURTYARD - DAY
BLOBBERINA looks out of the BARN LOFT window and sees BLOBBY performing ‘stunts’.
BLOBBY rides past with his legs on the handlebars. BLOBBERINA laughs.
BLOBBY does a Superman on the way back.
The music changes.
FADE IN
INT. IRISH DANCE HALL - NIGHT
The two BLOBBYS dance with abandon.
The IRISH COMMUNITY love it.
FADE IN
INT. HILTON SUITE - NIGHT
BLOBBY lies on the CHAISE LOUNGE
EXT. HILTON PARKING LOT - NIGHT
An old Ford Model T can be seen rocking in the night.
CLOSE UP
BLOBBY looks satisfied.
The soundtrack is filled with retches, both dry and wet.
FADE IN
EXT. CASABLANCA AIRSTRIP - NIGHT
BLOBBERINA turns to walk to the plane but changes her mind and runs into the arms of BLOBBY.
FADE OUT
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
BLOBBY and BLOBBERINA are both sat in front of the fire. BLOBBY slips off to sleep.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
BLOBBY wakes up and cannot see BLOBBERINA.
BLOBBY searches everywhere but can’t find BLOBBERINA.
Heartbroken, BLOBBY weeps.
FADE IN
INT. DES MOINES POLICE STATION - DAY
Exhibit R34d-Th15
BLOBBY’s face collapses to the desk as he bursts into tears at the predicament they’re in.
FORENSIC BOD enters.
EDMONDS joins BLOBBY in crying t the desk.
LUMIS is held back by a swathe of POLICE OFFICERS who struggle to protect the CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS from the onslaught.
FADE TO BLACK
OVER BLACK
TITLE: “I KILLED YOU, DIDN’T I? I’M SORRY. HAD TO BE DONE.”
FADE IN
INT. DES MOINES POLICE STATION - DAY
BLOBBY and EDMONDS sit in a grey police interrogation room. They look less impressed than the time the XHF Network glitched and made them watch nothing but Billy Fowler matches.
The click of a recorder is heard.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Interview with Noel Edmonds and…
(BEAT)
DETECTIVE LUMIS (CONT’D)
…Mr Blobby commencing at sixteen-hundred hours exactly. Present is Detective Lumis and I’m joined by Detective Myers.
(BEAT)
DETECTIVE MYERS
Now, shall we try and not repeat the last interview. I don’t need to know about that pink thing jacking off to David Attenborough, I don’t want to know about plans to blow up the Welsh soccer team. Let’s just stick to the facts, okay?
EDMONDS and BLOBBY remain silent.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Blobby, you find yourself in a dangerous situation. We KNOW about your links to gangs.
NOEL EDMONDS
What?
DETECTIVE MYERS
You heard him, Edmonds.
MYERS slides a photo across the desk.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
For the tape, Detective Myers has shown the accused Exhibit M-zero-N-G-zero-dash-W-zero-N-T
Exhibit M0NG0-W0N’T
NOEL EDMONDS
That was over thirty years ago!
DETECTIVE MYERS
Do you not know how serious gang warfare is in the State of Iowa?
EDMONDS and BLOBBY look blankly at their interrogators.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Don’t think that playing dumb is going to help you here.
MYERS leans into LUMIS
DETECTIVE MYERS
We’ve tried the old one, what about the one in fancy dress?
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Mr Blobby, can you recount the day in question?
FADE IN
EXT. COUNTRY FIELD - DAY
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Is the music necessary?
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O)
It helps him remember….it helps him forget.
We see BLOBBY and his BLOBBERINA, BLOBBY rides a bike as BLOBBERINA rides atop the handlebars.
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O)
What did you say he did?
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
He’s facing off against Dylan Black, Spike Kane, Zoran Sainovic, El Bang Hermanos! And others on Saturday, it’s important apparently…
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
It’s really is! The fate of the cosmos depends on it!
The HAPPY PAIR continue on their ride. An APPLE falls from a tree and into BLOBBERINA’s hand.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O)
We didn’t ask for your diet Blobby!
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
He won’t speak, he finds this an affront to his character.
BLOBBERINA takes a bite from the apple before feeding it to him for his own bite.
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
Are you fighting against Black, Harry, Spike and the rest?
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
I HAVE to, I don’t have a choice. I’m the brains of this operation.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
YOU’RE the brains?
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O)
It’s okay, Hardcore Harry will see to him first.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Remember when we could just rely on the Trons?
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O)
Now we just have Lord Dominicus….
BLOBBY continues to pedal, past outbuildings on a Farm.
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
What are we even here for?
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O)
You know why. Be glad that the Death Penalty isn’t in the state of Iowa. The worst we can do is make you sit in a Freshman Political Science class at Drake University-
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
Topic? Curtis Kanyon’s electoral rhetoric and how he applies it in his day job.
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
Including FIRESIDE?
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Several seminars are devoted purely to FIRESIDE!
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
You’re still just savages in this country…
BLOBBERINA points off-screen.
BLOBBY pedals towards her requested destination.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Was there any reason why you listed your occupation as ‘Global Darling’?
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
I AM! The people LOVE me!
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
You’re not even the most popular member of your team and he’s in bother. If you were in his shoes the headline would only read ‘PENSIONER KILLS WOMAN!’...the pair of you aren’t even important enough to fit into the canon of the Bang Bros Civil War!
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
That’s absurd! We defended our titles and won the hearts of the fans and our opponents! Why else would they want us involved?
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
To make themselves look better but, being honest. It’s not looking good for you two even making the match. We’ve got forensics analyzing what they found in that hovel you live in.
EXT. FARM COURTYARD - DAY
BLOBBERINA looks out of the BARN LOFT window and sees BLOBBY performing ‘stunts’.
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
If you think that stalling about what happened to Blobberina, it’s not going to work.
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
NOTHING HAPPENED TO HER!
BLOBBY rides past with his legs on the handlebars. BLOBBERINA laughs.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
No-one can do that trick…
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
Just you wait…
BLOBBY does a Superman on the way back.
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
Is this grandstanding your grand plan? At least keep it believable!
The music changes.
FADE IN
INT. IRISH DANCE HALL - NIGHT
The two BLOBBYS dance with abandon.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Wait, how did we get here?
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
Did you not see the fade in? It’s a common trope…
The IRISH COMMUNITY love it.
FADE IN
INT. HILTON SUITE - NIGHT
BLOBBY lies on the CHAISE LOUNGE
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
I think I’m going to throw up.
EXT. HILTON PARKING LOT - NIGHT
An old Ford Model T can be seen rocking in the night.
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
Myers, pass me the trashcan!
BLOBBY looks satisfied.
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Once I’ve finished with it.
The soundtrack is filled with retches, both dry and wet.
FADE IN
EXT. CASABLANCA AIRSTRIP - NIGHT
BLOBBERINA turns to walk to the plane but changes her mind and runs into the arms of BLOBBY.
FADE OUT
DETECTIVE LUMIS (V.O.)
UGARTE BE KIDDING ME!
NOEL EDMONDS (V.O.)
WHAT?
DETECTIVE MYERS (V.O.)
Sorry, but Lumis’ family came over from the old country with Peter Lorre…
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
BLOBBY and BLOBBERINA are both sat in front of the fire. BLOBBY slips off to sleep.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
BLOBBY wakes up and cannot see BLOBBERINA.
BLOBBY searches everywhere but can’t find BLOBBERINA.
Heartbroken, BLOBBY weeps.
FADE IN
INT. DES MOINES POLICE STATION - DAY
DETECTIVE MYERS
Just disappeared, huh?
DETECTIVE LUMIS
You’ve got form for this.
NOEL EDMONDS
For what?
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Violent behavior!
NOEL EDMONDS
Only in the ring! Look at him, he’s
DETECTIVE MYERS
Detective Lumis is showing the accused Exhibit R-Three-Four-D-dash-T-H-One-FIve
Exhibit R34d-Th15
NOEL EDMONDS
It was part of an article about wrestling!
MR BLOBBY
BLOB!
BLOBBY’s face collapses to the desk as he bursts into tears at the predicament they’re in.
NOEL EDMONDS
Look, in under forty-eight hours, we’ve got a HUGE match! We’ve got a match that big that I wouldn’t be surprised if the XHF Network’s future depends on it! It’s got everything! History, deceit, jealousy, friendship…short of Subject #42 returning it has something for everyone!
DETECTIVE LUMIS
Then the Tilted Cartridges better be on standby!
NOEL EDMONDS
Not them!
DETECTIVE MYERS
Well, we need you two to start making more sense and quickly then. Else it won’t just be you two suffering!
NOEL EDMONDS
Look, we need to be there! We’re the healers of that whole group! We’re the keys to this whole thing!
DETECTIVE LUMIS
You’re degenerates! Before this you were just sordid but now? You two could be Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole!
NOEL EDMONDS
That’s absurd! We’re the only hope of this having a happy ending. Zoran, Price, Harry and Black? They’re only there to add to the chaos, addo the dissension. I’m only really in the match as a conscientious objector. In the future, they’ll make a film like Hacksaw Ridge about me!
DETECTIVE MYERS
It won’t have a happy ending. Even if you two manage to make bail, and given that we’re due forensics to confirm what we believe any minute now it’s unlikely, but if you make bail - you’re not going to win. The Pillars of Violence have this sewn up!
NOEL EDMONDS
They haven’t got a hope in hell. Rat Bastard and me on the same team? It’s unstoppab-
FORENSIC BOD enters.
FORENSIC BOD
We’ve done the tests on the property and found that the subject in question perished via burning from the fire inside the property where the accused were apprehended.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
I KNEW IT! YOU TWO ARE GOING TO SUFFER!
EDMONDS joins BLOBBY in crying t the desk.
FORENSIC BOD
We recovered this from their home security.
DETECTIVE MYERS
We’re showing the accused Exhibit H-Three-dash-R-Three-Four-D-dash-S-SH-One-T
Exhibit H3-R34DS-SH1T
DETECTIVE LUMIS
You dirty bastard! You burnt the body!
FORENSIC BOD
It turns out that the deceased was actually just a cardboard cut-out….
NOEL EDMONDS
Exactly! From J-ROK! It cost us the victory but Blobby insisted on taking it with us home! He’s been like a dog with a new toy with that!
FORENSIC BOD
Hold on, Mr Edmonds. You’re not off-the-hook yet.
DETECTIVE MYERS
See! I bet they dug up your garden! I reckon they found more stiffs there than on the entire SWAT roster!
FORENSIC BOD
It’s far worse. We had the lab run tests on the material that made up that cut-out. It’s made of non-recyclable, non-sustainable material.
DETECTIVE LUMIS
YOU MONSTERS!!
NOEL EDMONDS
WE DIDN’T EVEN ORDER IT! IT WAS J-ROK!
DETECTIVE MYERS
DON’T TRY TO DEFLECT!
LUMIS leaps across the table and lands one on EDMONDS.
NOEL EDMONDS
OW! HELP!!! HELP!!
LUMIS is held back by a swathe of POLICE OFFICERS who struggle to protect the CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS from the onslaught.
FADE TO BLACK
