Post by Steve Awesome on Dec 22, 2022 0:00:12 GMT -5
We fade into a digital video editing room. There is a line of computers against the wall and Steve Awesome sits at the last one. Steve greets the camera with a wave and a smile.
“What’s up everybody. You know me, The Face of the Franchise; Steve Awesome. Chyeah!”
He runs a palm through his hair.
“Now, I’m about to do something that I don’t normally do. I’m gonna give you guys a sneak peak into my latest film project. My producers don’t like the idea, but screw them, everyone watching this right now is a certified Awesome-Holic and you deserve the early access.”
He gives a thumbs up.
“So as you watch a couple scenes here, keep in mind it’s still early and some little details might change but for the most part, I feel like this project is going in the right direction. It’s a documentary so of course it’s all based on a true story and we did all the research to make sure we got our stories straight. We havent got every talking head interview uploaded, so the final may have more. Last thing we want to do is put out misleading information. We have integrity here.”
Steve readjusts his collar and then looks back toward the camera.
“So without further adieu, please enjoy these scenes from my latest documentary.”
~
SHADY SIDE OF THE RING PRESENTS:
THE SELF DESTRUCTION OF THE BANG! BROS AND HOW NONE OF IT IS STEVE AWESOME’S FAULT!
~
Steve Awesome
Face of the Franchise
“The way I see it, all this started back when Rat Bastard emerged from his semi-annual bender and wanted to get back to hanging out and stuff. I figure it wouldn’t be a problem. I mean, I’m allowed to have other friends. Plus PRICE had been hanging out a lot with us lately, so I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal.
Steve slowly shook his head.
“But I was wrong.”
Steve sighed.
“I invited Rat to a Bang Bro party and it was like I magically changed right in front of their eyes. I remember the huge argument we all had like it was yesterday.”
The following reenactment was dictated from the impeccable memory of Steve Awesome….
[“It was early July. Curtis had this big fourth party and everyone was there. Spike, Curtis, me, EC and Javier. Oh and Price was there too. I remember because he was giving me the side eye all day. Probably waiting for the opportunity to mention that he ran me out of the company for six months, twenty years ago.”]
The reenactment places all six men underneath a gazebo sitting at some picnic tables having drinks and eating hotdogs. There are actors playing everyone except Steve who is of course portraying himself.
“Um, uh, excuse me fellas…”
“Spike”: What the hell do you want!?
Everyone turns and glares at Steve as if he were ruining the party. Steve had his hair slicked back nice and neat. He nervously fidgeted with his hat in his hand.
“Well gee guys, I just wanted to politely ask if it was cool if I invited my friend Rat Bastard to the party?”
They all gasped and murmured to themselves. Curtis slammed his fist directly through the table!
“Curtis”: YOU DID WHAAAAAAT!?
“Just let me know if it’s cool….”
Curtis: NOOOOOO!
~
Steve Awesome
Just wondered if it was cool…
“And then K-Dawg….”
He wiped a tear from his eye.
“He hurled a picnic table across the yard and threw a handful of steaming hot weiners in my face.”
He sniffled and fought back tears as he stared into the camera.
“I was ALMOST severely burned!”
~
Steve stands in front of the other bros. He has on ironed slacks and a button down shirt, and he was holding in his hand a Lockett that contained a picture of his grandmother.
“Golly gee gosh you guys. I’m not trying to be a bother, but sweet innocent Ratthew is already on the way. If it’s not cool, just let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
[“I was just waiting for an answer and everyone’s started getting all dark and evil on me! “Curtis” screams and shoots his eye lasers into the sky.]
“Curtis”: ITS NOT COOL!!
[“EC” starts going off on me.]
EC: FRESCO CHIMICHANGA BURRITO BURRITO TACO BELL!!!
Steve Awesome
Thinks bilingual is a sexual term
“I don’t normally understand what EC is saying but I felt the vibe he was laying down and it was not good. Look, I get that Rat is a controversial dude….but he’s always had my back.”
He nods.
“I feel confident calling him my friend.”
He sighs and shakes his head.
“But its like, my three best friends were immediately judging me for Rat’s crimes. I didn’t do anything but have a beer with him, you know?
“Kanyon and EC were taking it pretty bad, but Spike…..Spike was the worst…..”
~
We come back to the reenactment as told by Steve, and our hero (steve) is writing a check out to a local charity.
“Spike”: GRAORRRRRRR
“Spike” shoots up from his seat and flames shoot up around him, some of it engulfed “Price” in flames and he instantly dies. Then Spike stomps over on his cloven hooves and pig legs. He must have been eight feet tall! He gets right into my face and he says…
“Spike”: If you and Rat stay friends, I will fucking kill you!
~
Steve Awesome
Totally Innocent
Steve shakes his head.
“All I did was ask if Rat could roll through and suddenly I’m public enemy number one.”
He sighs.
“I never wanted any of this. I never wanted a war. At the beginning of all this I just wanted ALL of my homeboys to be able to live together in harmony. It just feels like…they all made me into the bad guy before I even did anything wrong.”
Steve shrugs off the hurt feelings and continued.
“But even I still tried to make things work. I kept everyone apart and I hoped maybe everyone could eventually get it together and get along.”
“But things just got worse.”
“The bros we’re worried about me tagging with Rat and “what might happen” meanwhile Spike is teaming with Price who admits to hating me and nobody bats an eyelash.
Steve let that sit for a moment.
Things were already tense, then you add in the End of Days tag team tournament debacle…
~
The following reenactment was dictated from the impeccable memory of Steve Awesome….
“Wouldn’t you know it, we all end up facing each other during End of Days. Kanyon and EC were still riding the fence but I knew they had it out for me because I was teaming with Rat. But Spike and Price made there intentions clear.”
The actor portraying Spike has now switched midway through. He steps up and looks threatening into the camera.
“Spike:” “I’m going to kick Steve’s ass because of who his friends are! YEEEAGH!
“PRICE” does the same.
“Price”: Yadda yadda yadda I’m a stupid asshole!
Steve Awesome
Great judge of character
“There was no getting through to them. It’s like the Bros had all decided to turn on me.
His shoulders slumped.
“I didn’t want to believe it. And to make matters worse, Rat was pretty much calling their next move before any of them could make it. I didn’t want to believe that either but it’s like how can I deny what Rat is telling me when my best friends are trying to tell me I’m being brainwashed or Gaslit and I never even did anything or said anything. I’d never want to leave The Bang Bros man.
He sighed and then reluctantly nodded.
“I mean sure, I was getting frustrated by my treatment and I may have said some things…but at the end of the day…that’s what brothers do, right?”
“We’re still bros at the end of the day? Right?”
Steve sighed and wiped away a tear.
“It was around now where I started to think maybe I was wrong and I just didn’t realize it yet…”
~
Slow fade into a reenactment of the Dont Break The Ice match from End of Days.
“[Ratty and Price have already fallen through at this point. But on the way down Price hit his head and he totally died….”
“….then it was just down to Spike and I.]”
Spike was hanging off the ledge. Digging his nails into the ice for some sort of grip.
“Spike”:STEVE! Brother! Help me!”
Steve dug his cat claws into the tops of Spikes struggling hands.
Steve: LONG LIVE THE KING!
Spike screams as he falls.
We fade back into the video editing room where Steve glares at the video screen.
“Wait a minute…that last scene made me look like a jerk. I’m gonna have to edit that out….”
Steve glances over and realizes the camera is on him.
“Oh uh…”
He clears his throat.
“And that’s literally how I remember it all happened.”
He points at his photographic memory.
“Of course there is a lot more that we didn’t get too that you’ll see in the full documentary, we didn’t even get to the velociraptors yet. So stay tuned for the full release.”
“But as you can clearly see from the documentary, none of this is my fault. My so called bros made me into the bad guy. I never even had a chance to defend myself before I was completely villainized. I never wanted a war. I never wanted to hurt you guys.”
He sighed and ran a palm through his hair.
“But now I’m going to step into Civil Wargames and hurt you guys!”
He pounds a fist into his palm.
“I don’t care if I have to go through the Pillars. Dylan Black? I beat him and stole his arm. Though, I’m not sure what I did with it….”
He shrugs.
PRICE? Oh yeah I beat him and became the last ever XHF US Champion.”
“Jesse Jamester? Bitch Lizard. Oh don’t worry, he knows he’s got an ass whippin coming!”
“And Spike…I don’t know why I suddenly lost your trust when Rat came around. After fifteen years of turning on tag team partners and I never did it to you, and suddenly you raise an eyebrow because you don’t trust Rat?”
Steve sighed.
“I don’t care if it’s Team Kanyon! Who made it extra personal and dangerous by adding Zoran and Hardcore god damn Harry onto their team.
Steve just shakes his head.
“Zoran. My mortal enemy for an entire year. The only man that can beat me and vice versa. The man that tried to kill me. Twice.
“And then there is Harry. I can’t believe they got Harry. This guy is pure carnage incarnate. If Zoran knows exactly the type of evil shit to do, Harry just makes it up on the fly as he goes and somehow it’s just as evil and precise.”
And then Kanyon and EC. K-Dawg, you played the fence too long. Spike decided I was a villain on day one but you couldn’t decide. But I knew how you felt already. You made me the bad guy too.
And EC! YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE DAMN IT! How did you let us screw this up this bad.!?
But it doesn’t matter.
Because Civil Wargames is here. And when those doors lock…
My friends.
I’m going to finally do something befitting of a villain.
I’m finally going to do something to make you hate me.
I’m going to beat your asses inside that Cell and I’m going to walk out of oh violent night the winner along with my team.
“You wanted the bad guy the whole time..
Now your gonna get him.”
Crotch chop.
Fade.
