Swimming with Sharks [New Years Brawl #1]

[Spike Kane]

God North Americans are fucking stupid.

We fade in on Spike Kane standing in front of a large W:UK banner, but the banner has the Wrestle UK logo on it, but the background is that of the Irish flag. Hr has a Chaos Theory sleeveless shirt on, and he just looks so done with everything.

Spike Kane talks too much, he blows his own trumpet, yadda, yadda, yadda. Yet you don’t fucking listen, do you? Any of you? I’m getting pretty tired of repeating myself, but then I’ve noticed something in my time here in Wrestle:UK.

There’s a lot of ignorant fucks here, aye?

I’m sick to death of having to remind these absolute fucking idiots who waltz into the XHF Network as if they are hot shit, and everything, and everyone who came before them means absolutely nothing. It’s not even funny anymore, it’s borderline mental issues. Facts are facts boys and girls, they don’t change based on your opinion, and your opinion of me can be whatever the fuck you want it to be….but the facts?

The facts state that I am a Two Time XHF Champion.

The facts state that I am an X*Crown Champion.

The facts state that I am a Two Time XHF Hardcore Champion.

….the reigning Hardcore Champion to be precise.

The facts show Osland, that since walking into Wrestle UK, The God of Xtreme, The Spiked One, the Blood God, is undefeated. I’m not sure how that translates to your addled brain, but apparently it isn’t good enough?

I want what you’ve been smoking.

Every week it’s the same old thing, some green as fuck piece of shit trying to tell me how they are better for the wrestling business than I am. Every week some fucking dipshit tries to pass off everything I’ve done as the distant past, and therefore it doesn’t mean anything. That used to be funny, because one of my absolute favourite things to do, is to prove people wrong. I’ve built a career off of it Osland, but….you don’t want to hear about that do you? Because it doesn’t mean anything….

Yet you reference another set of pillars…

Why do their actions matter, and mine do not?

PRICE and I shaped the company that was XHF, we forged a new style of wrestling, and a new style of presentation. Since then, well…take a look around numbnuts. We are the reason XHF exists in any sense of the word. You can have your issues with Dylan, Jesse, and PRICE whatever they may be?

Probably being better than you.

But hey, I know you’re a salty prick.

But me? Oh dear Osland. At least share the ring with me before you start dismissing me? At least have a match with me before you try to wipe my memory from existence (you won’t by the way, I’m entrenched in this business) See, I adapt, and I evolve. Time after time, over and over again. I may have started this journey in 1996, but right here, right now, I’m still better than you will ever be. I never had a handout, I never had contacts hook me up with a contract, I fought. Over and over. Everytime.

“You’re just a hardcore wrestler”

….it’s been 25 years, and you still have the same argument as those useless cunts. I’m still here, they are not. That should tell you everything you need to know. You can claim whatever you like Osland, I’m a 16 time world champion.

Sixteen fucking times.

How many times have you been a world champion?

Spike smirks as he stretches his arms out, and the banner behind him falls to reveal Spike Kane’s ludicrous trophy cabinet. 16 World Title, 29 Tag Team Titles, 9 Hardcore Titles, 2 Submission Master Titles, 4 Intercontinental Titles, 8 US/National Titles, along with the FIRESIDE Spark Title, and the XHF X*Crown taking pride and place, with a space clearly left for the W:UK Television Title.

Can you dismiss me so easily when the evidence is there to see?

Here I’ve been constantly moaning about how the people being put in my path are simply part time wrestlers. People who have a purpose, and wrestle on the side. I finally get matched up with an actual wrestler, and the first thing they do is disrespect me. Well you know what Osland? You can have Britain.

Because it’s shit.

I don’t care, I’m here to put people down. One after another. I’m here to cause pain, and to show every single one of you egotistical pieces of shit that you just don’t match up to Spike Kane. You never have, and you never will. You’re just a leading example of the ignorance of a small fish.

I’m a motherfucking shark.

I will chew you up, and spit you out without even a second thought, because despite the fact that you “know” me, you have no fucking clue what is coming your way. You’re a very submission based guy, so let’s go that route, huh? I’ll beat you with a submission of my own, and it’ll be quite easily do so.

When I break every limb in your body.

I’m the biggest road block you will ever come across in this business, and I’ll do everything in my power not to just beat you, but to beat you down so that you cannot get back up. That’s how I fight Osland. The who, how, and why? That’s all the method to my madness. I will break you a piece at a time, until you beg me to stop…

….and I won’t.

It’s time to educate you, but I know my promo’s won’t because none of you fucks pay attention, but in the ring? You won’t have a choice. No escape. No distractions.

I’ll be the Television Champion.

You will be laying in a puddle of your own blood.

With a snarl Spike kicks the camera, it cuts.