.::REIGN Presents: Hot Cocoa With Santa::.
Dec 24, 2022 21:41:22 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Steve Awesome, and 3 more like this
Post by REIGN Board of Directors on Dec 24, 2022 21:41:22 GMT -5
Hot Cocoa With Santa
December 24th, 2022
Santa Claus Village, Rovaniemi, Finland
December 24th, 2022
Santa Claus Village, Rovaniemi, Finland
The feed opens on Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" playing over the speakers at Santa Claus' Village, surprisingly not located at the North Pole. The gift shop has been converted into a make-shift arena and in the middle of the ring are the REIGN Announcer Burt Tennor and Santa Claus himself. The two stand next to a table that is filled with milk and cookies. Burt is already stuffing his face as he laughs with Santa and the crowd; presumably they were warming up the crowd moments before. Suddenly though there's a clatter from the back!
"HOLD ON THERE YOU BOWL FULL OF JELLY!"
The cry comes. Soon out marches Mrs. Claus, microphone in hand. She, like her husband, is older and dressed largely in red. Upon getting in the ring she gets in Mr. Claus' face.
Mrs. Claus: Just you hold on, you know that you're supposed to cut down on your sugar and dairy!
Santa: Ho ho ho! But dear, I think we can make an exception tonight, after all IT'S CHRISTMAS!
The crowd pops because it is indeed Christmas. Acknowledging the holiday Santa holds out his arms for a hug and it is received. Mrs. Claus then pours him a glass of milk from the table. Burt Tennor pours himself a glass and the two men toast the holiday- but before they can drink MRS. CLAUS GIVES SANTA A STUNNER! He flies backwards and rolls out of the ring. Mrs. Claus looks at Burt, who offers her a cookie- BUT GETS A STUNNER IN RETURN! Tennor falls through the table on the rebound! There's milk and cookies everywhere! Mrs. Claus picks some of the cookies up from the table and throws them into the crowd while she exits the ring area. Everyone in the audience cheers and laughs as we turn to the commentary crew.
Fletcher: What the hell was that?
Block: Merry Christmas everyone! We hope everything is well with you and yours on this Christmas Eve! Tonight we've got an exciting show with big stak-
Fletcher: Vince, are you not going to acknowledge any of that?
Block: Acknowledge what?
Fletcher: ....DID YOU NOT JUST SEE MRS. CLAUS RUIN CHRISTMAS!?
Block: I'm here to see some white hot wrestling action! ...Which my partner and I am calling here from Santa Claus Village, Finland!
Fletcher: Whatever- anyway we're going to see Death Trap and Esmeralda Von Krauss face off for the Ringmaster Plate, making its debut tonight.
Block: And in the main event we'll watch as Donzig and Steve Awesome grapple over the reigns of REIGN's X*Crown representation at Battle for Hegemony in January!
Fletcher: What a way to spend your Christmas, watching all your fa-
Block: Oh and it looks like the ring has been cleaned up and things are about to start!
Burt Tennor: Tonight's first match is scheduled for ONE FALL! And it is for REIGN's Ringmaster Plate!
The lights dim, blue and gold spotlights slowly circle around the darkened arena. The haunting vocal intro to “The Hard Sell” by Coheed and Cambria plays. The tron has come to life when the lights dimmed and displays "And now … REIGN presents … its MAIN ATTRACTION!" A foot shatters the screen as the guitar rocks the converted gift shop. DT slowly walks into a blue spotlight on the stage with his head down hidden under a hoodie. It's black and has his custom interlocking DT logo with an Italian flag and mariners compass on it on the back. He stands in the spotlight and slowly looks up showing off his signature bowler hat and sunglasses under the hood.
"I'm paranoid and sick of this world's misconception of things I did. My language poured across this wrist in a metaphoric disaster.
My guess, I'm missing out the punch line, unless this hanging noose is fitted to be all mine..."
My guess, I'm missing out the punch line, unless this hanging noose is fitted to be all mine..."
He slowly pushes the hood back revealing a serious face as he lowers his sunglasses before pulling them off and placing them in his hoodie pocket as he gazes around the cozy arena. The spotlights turn into one tracking light following him to the ring as he high fives the fans along the entryway.
Burt Tennor: Making his way to the ring, hailing from the emerald city of Seattle, Washington, standing at 6'4" and weighing in at 260 pounds, he is the Master of the Dragon Sleeper … one half of the XHF Global Tag Team Champions … “The Main Attraction” ... DEATH TRAP!
"I stood by everything I loved, while you never understood me much. Cuz there's only ONE of ME and TOO MANY of YOU fighting over nothing. There's never enough cool for everyone, and before you know it? You're selling out to be in."
He unzips the hoodie, revealing his XHF Global Tag Team Championship title as he moves towards the ring and drops the hoddie to the floor as he reaches the ring steps. He stops on the ring steps to look out at the crowd. He climbs to the apron and spins, hooking his arms over the top rope. A blue spotlight illuminates DT in the ring as the crowd erupts for the XHF Legend. The Xtremetron shows “Top of the Class, Cream of the Crop.” He points out to the crowd and amps them up before stepping through the middle rope and running to the opposite side, grasping the top rope as he steps onto the bottom rope and points out at the crowd again. He steps to the center of the ring and removes his hat, tossing it to the timekeeper, before stretching on the ropes and cracking his neck and knuckles, waiting for his opponent.
Block: And here comes the former X*Crown Champion!
Fletcher: Yeah yeah, Death Trap is great an all, but is this really his match?
Block: Of course, he's a mat specialist, this kind of straightforward bout favors him.
Fletcher: I'm not 100% sold on that, but the way you sell it doesn't sound that interesting.
Before Vincente can counter though the rocking sounds of Twisted Sister's rendition of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" blasts through the room. Santa, who is in the corner watching, blushes. Meanwhile from out of the back come the Twins, struggling as they pull on two ropes. Soon though their strength is seen as cutting its way through the otherwise pristine floors is an actual sleigh. On it rides the current REIGN King of the World, Esmeralda Von Krauss. She yells at her minions as they continue to seriously damage the location with the runners of the sleigh. Slowly they are able to pull her up to the ring where she jumps onto the apron, posing to a fairly strong set of boos from the audience.
Burt Tennor: And his opponent....from Cologne, Germany by way of a spooky flying airship.....she is the REIGN KING OF THE WORLD......ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS!
Fletcher: I'm putting in my bet on EVK.
Block: Would you care to elaborate why?
Fletcher: Dude she can kill people, you think she doesn't know how to knock out some rando?
Block: That rando is a former X*Crown Champion- and XHF Champion at that, I think he's decidedly harder to kill than goons and henchmen.
Fletcher: Pffft, we'll see.
Singles Match
Ringmaster Plate
Death Trap vs Esmeralda von Krauss
Ringmaster Plate
Death Trap vs Esmeralda von Krauss
The bell rings and EVK and DT get into fighting position. As both of them are strikers they hold their preferred poses while they square off. The two of them shuffle around the ring, not wanting to give the other a chance for a first move. DT takes a light kick attempt here, EVK throws a quick elbow there, but neither make contact. They’re just circling each other trying to get a lucky nip if the other isn’t paying attention.
Fletcher: What is this? Usually somebody is bleeding by now in a Von Krauss match.
Block: I think both Death Trap and EVK are taking the Ringmaster Plate’s concept seriously and respecting each other as similarly-styled fighters.
Fletcher: So you’re saying there will be no blood, yeah?
Block: Well the match just started so I don’t want to be presumptuous.
After finally getting a feel for DT’s speed and style EVK quickly slips in and grabs Death Trap’s wrist! She tries to lock in a Nikajo wrist lock! However DT reverses it into a cross arm breaker, bringing them both to the mat. EVK yells out and slams the mat, but is quickly able to find the ropes in her pain. The referee calls for DT to break the hold, which he quickly does.
Block: And we’re off! Both Death Trap and Mrs. Von Krauss are somewhat technical strikers in their styles so we might be in for a real treat tonight.
Fletcher: That’s a big might, you know as well as I do that at any point our King of the World could make things very violent.
Block: Yeah, and get herself disqualified at the same time.
Death Trap tries to keep the pressure on and dives on his opponent before she can recover. He grabs her leg in an effort to lock in a torture half-crab- but EVK is more than used to men trying to grab her and is able to kick him away. Death Trap backs up. With enough space, Esmeralda spins on her back and uses the momentum to kip up back into a fighting pose.
Fletcher: Aaand back to square one.
Block: Both of them are trying to control the speed of the match.
Fletcher: Well that doesn’t seem to be going well on either end.
Just as the commentary said, Death Trap is trying to not let EVK set the pace of the match and moves back in on her with some quick kicks. However, the matron Von Krauss backs up with each kick. DT kicks, EVK backs up. Soon Esmeralda’s back reaches the ropes. Her hands grip the top rope behind her as she uses it to leverage a jump- from the jump EVK nails a front mule kick to Death Trap’s chest and flips herself out of the ring to safety!
Block: And Von Krauss has just turned the match in her favor! She lured Death Trap in close enough to take a solid shot on him.
Fletcher: Yeah, but now she’s out of the ring, you can’t win out there.
Block: True, but if she needed a break she has it.
Fletcher: Yeah, but how is she supposed to get back in when there’s an angry Italian waiting for her inside?
Von Krauss taunts to Death Trap, trying to lure him to the outside. Death Trap responds by…backing up and letting her. He leans on the ropes far from her side while the ref starts to count.
1…
2…
3…
EVK walks around the outside, continually trying to get in, but Death Trap seems to be waiting around every corner.
4…
5…
Esmeralda starts to get impatient and slams her fist on the outside of the ring. The pause in action is enough for Death Trap to run and land a baseball slide! NO! It was a ruse from the assassin who pulls DT out! The referee pauses his count for a moment to tell them to get inside!
Fletcher: I’ve seen enough of Esmeralda’s matches to know that this is where it’ll get dangerous.
Block: I am hesitant to agree with you most of the time, but I have to agree. Death Trap is in a dangerous area right now.
The referee resumes his count.
6…
EVK throws a stiff kick into DT’s ribs, then steps back. She rests her hands on her hips, waiting for him to pull himself up.
7….
Death Trap pulls himself up and that’s when the King of the World strikes! EVK goes for “Justice”- her leaping palm strike!
Block: This could be it!
Fletcher: No!
8…
Death Trap grabs EVK’s hand and flips her over him! She hits the floor hard!
Block: At this rate both of them are going to be counted out!
9…
Without hesitation Death Trap grabs EVK and tosses her back into the ring, sliding in right behind her. However, before Death Trap can get up he suddenly finds his opponent’s legs wrapped around his shoulder like a snake. Esmeralda tightens her grip, cinching in an Omoplata shoulder lock! But the two are close to the ropes and the ring veteran (and former X*Crown Champion) Death Trap knows better and immediately grabs the ropes. The referee calls for a rope break, which Von Krauss abides by…after a three count.
Block: Neither of these two are getting an advantage today.
Fletcher: Skill-wise both of them are quite similar, however I’d give Esmeralda the advantage in terms of her killer mindset. She’s not going to pull any punches.
Block: Fair, but don’t count out Death Trap. He has a lot more in-ring experience with her. I don’t think he needs to pull his punches, he knows exactly how hard to hit and pull to disable his opponent without breaking them.
Fletcher: Yes, but Von Krauss doesn’t, so she could just break something on Death Trap and go for the pin. …Or a knockout if he passes out from the pain.
Death Trap shakes his head as he gets up. Esmeralda quickly gets to her feet too and the two are again at a standstill as they look at each other. Suddenly DT throws his hands up. He starts to back up with his arms raised in a “you win” sort of way. Von Krauss, naturally, is confused. As Death Trap backs up he lightly leans back and falls into the ropes, which bounce him towards EVK! The King of the World ducks the slow approach easily.
Fletcher: What is Death Trap even thinking? Did he hit his head somewhere in all of this?
Block: I’m not sure what his plan is either, but he is a ring veteran.
Fletcher: I’m not asking for his qualifications, I’m asking for why he’d just slowly bounce towards a killer like Von Krauss.
And in a flash all is revealed; Death Trap counted on EVK dodging his first pass so that he could hit the other side with more force and snap off the ropes much faster! In a snap he hits a horizontal spinning kick! EVK wasn’t prepared and eats all of the kick, going down fast! Death Trap jumps on her, locking in a dragon sleeper, the ref dives down to check on things!
Block: I told you not to count Death Trap out!
Fletcher: This could be the end for EVK!
Block: The real question is which one will happen first, a tap out or a knock out?
The referee is right down next to the two as EVK struggles against Death Trap’s dragon sleeper. DT is able to wrap his legs around her to add to the pressure. Esmeralda fights, fights….fights….fig…she’s beginning to fade! The referee goes to grab EVK’s hand, but suddenly she swats him away and is able to flail a stiff hand blow to Death Trap’s face! He keeps the move in but the shock of the movement loosens the hold enough for EVK to wriggle out of it!
Block: I didn’t even know escape was possible from a dragon sleeper locked in tight!
Fletcher: You can’t count EVK out, ever. She may not be the most experienced wrestler, but she has hundreds of years of experience when it comes to fighting.
Block: Yes, but can that actually get her a win?
Fletcher: Well, she is our King of the World as well as the current Clown Plate holder, so she must be doing something right.
Von Krauss rolls to the corner to catch her breath. Death Trap stands up himself and stares her down from the middle of the ring. His message seems to have been made after the kick. Slowly EVK pulls herself up into the corner, still a little surprised after eating all of Death Trap’s boot. DT moves in to capitalize on his weakened opponent. Suddenly though a sharp wheel kick comes from Von Krauss! Death Trap catches her foot though! Almost instinctually, EVK reverses her momentum and flips her other foot over Death Trap’s head! Before he can react she uses her hands to crawl towards him. The momentum of her twisting body pulls DT’s face into the turnbuckle!
Block: I was not expecting that!
Fletcher: A cornered Von Krauss improvises, Vincente- though I’m surprised Death Trap wasn’t expecting it after having dealt with Armand in the past.
Block: I don’t think Mr. Von Krauss is as flexible as his wife.
Death Trap stumbles backwards from the corner. Pouncing on him, Von Krauss pulls him back for an inverted lifting DDT! However, Death Trap isn’t exactly a light weight and is able to not only power through, but actually throws EVK off of him!
Block: Death Trap isn’t known for his power as much as he is for his strikes and holds, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t work out!
Fletcher: Not to mention his weight advantage over Von Krauss. But will it be enough?
Von Krauss gets to her feet, steadying herself after the last couple of moves have rocked her a bit. Death Trap seems calm and cool as he subtly gestures for her to come at him by waving her on. EVK smiles.
EVK: Oh, you want the kid gloves off? I think that can be arranged, dahling.
Suddenly the King of the World comes at Death Trap with a flurry of kicks. Both legs make contact all over DT’s body. He’s able to block some but not all as shots ring out on his own legs, his arms, his torso- not his head, he blocks that well- but nearly everywhere else becomes an apparatus designed to absorb swift kicks from the assassin.
Fletcher: See Vince, this is what I was talking about. Death Trap knows when to restrain himself, Esmeralda does not.
Block: For those of you at home and trying to learn, EVK is pulling off these kicks at the cost of her own energy- she’ll want this match to end soon if possible.
Fletcher: It’s all a matter of how much damage she’s able to do in the energy burst.
Death Trap is rocked. He staggers trying to get his bearings after the series of shots. While he finds his balance again EVK runs to the ropes. On the rebound she jumps up and wraps her legs around the former X*Crown Champion’s neck for a leg scissors take-down! BUT NO! Death Trap drops to his knees and EVK hits the mat in an ugly modified powerbomb!
Block: What a fall! That could firmly cement the momentum in De-
Fletcher: Hold on! Esmeralda’s legs are still locked in!
Indeed this is the case as Death Trap scrambles to free himself. A veteran of choking people out in various ways though, Esmeralda Von Krauss keeps her legs around his neck! Death Trap is starting to slow as he paws and pounds at anything he can. EVK tries to lock in the leg scissors choke more cleanly but Death Trap’s movements make it difficult. Finally DT starts to use his experience with submission wrestling and in a quick move turns him and EVK over!
Block: Well if this was a figure four, Death Trap would have just shifted the tension onto his opponent.
Fletcher: But this is a leg scissors, which is still locked in, and Death Trap is not looking very fresh.
Death Trap is starting to fade. To his credit, EVK doesn’t really know what to make of the sudden position she’s in with Death Trap on top of her, both on their stomachs. She tries in vain to grab his leg and…do…something? It’s not a very good position for moves. Meanwhile the increasingly light-headed DT is dragging himself to the ropes. Right as he’s about to pass out his hand touches the bottom rope and the referee dives in to tell EVK to break the hold. SHE DOESN’T! The ref counts-
1!
2!
3!
4!
Von Krauss reluctantly breaks the leg lock. Both EVK and DT back themselves up against the nearest ropes, not taking their eyes off each other. The last exchange weakened both of them significantly and they are slow to return to their feet.
Block: Now is when we see how much each one has left in the tank.
Fletcher: That last exchange may have spelled the end for either Von Krauss or Death Trap.
As they stare each other down, suddenly Esmeralda takes a run at Death Trap. DT pounces for an attack but EVK pivots around him and shoots into the ropes. Death Trap turns around to meet her but on the return Von Krauss dives down and rolls between his legs. DT again has to turn around and when he does all he sees is EVK’s hand flying towards his face!
Block: JUSTICE!
Fletcher: NO!
No is right, Death Trap grabs the King of the World’s arm and moves it out of the way as he spins her around and uses the momentum to lock in the Death Trap! Von Krauss flails her arms and legs (and body) trying to get loose. She even tries to initiate a roll like a crocodile would but nothing works, DT has his eponymous move locked in tight. After realizing she won’t be going anywhere soon, Esmeralda Von Krauss taps.
Burt Tennor: Your winner and NEW Ringmaster Plate holder……“The Main Attraction”….DEATH TRAP!
Block: And Death Trap was just a hair faster than Esmeralda.
Fletcher: Was it just me or did Death Trap look surprise when he locked in his move?
Block: Muscle memory probably, that response was likely more instinctual from a veteran like him than anything else.
Fletcher: Regardless, our King of the World made the right move tapping; there was nowhere to go and no reason to let pride risk her getting injured.
Block: Absolutely, I don’t think either person has any reason to be ashamed of their showing tonight.
Fletcher: What a match to start though!
“Hey Nineteen” by Steely Dan plays as a frustrated Santa storms out. Saint Nick is now wearing a candy cane striped neck brace and a Christmas sweater that reads “LE TITS NOW”. Claus has a cigar in his mouth and is double fisting bud lights. He hands one to Fletcher and takes a seat at the announcers table.
Block: Wow! This is an unexpected treat. We’re being joined on commentary by Saint Nick himself. Welcome Santa.
Santa: Shut up and call the moves you fucking mark.
Block: Oh. Okay.
Fletcher: How are you feeling, big guy? We saw you take quite the bump earlier.
Santa: After all these centuries, I finally feel like a free man again. What you saw was the straw that broke the reindeers’ back. The nerve of that bitch to embarrass me in front of a crowd. I gave an early Christmas present to that old hag. Divorce papers!
Block: What!?!
Fletcher: Hell yeah! Santa Claus is coming to P-Town!
Burt Tennor: The following match is schedule for one-fall and is for representation at Battle for Hegemony!
“See you soon” by Chelsea Grin begins to play. The light go down, and then come up an angry red. Flames explode from the either side of the ramp, jets and bursts of flame erupting into the air. Donzig walks from the back, wearing his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd before he shakes his head before walking down the ramp slowly. He circles around the ring, still watching the crowd before pausing to watch the announce team before he climbs the stairs. He stops at the ropes, reaching up to shove his hood back before stepping through the ropes. Then he takes off the mask, and shakes his head at the fans with a scowl before he leans back in his corner. Arms resting on the ropes while waiting for the match to start.
Burt Tennor: Making his way to the ring, fighting out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He stands 6 feet tall and weighs 215 pounds. He is DONZIG!
The crowd boos as Donzig glares at the announce table. He unleashes a barrage of curses and threats towards Santa.
Block: Donzig doesn’t seem to be a fan, Santa.
Santa: He’s just mad because he’s on the naughty list. All bald people are by default.
Fletcher: I knew it.
Block: As much as Donzig would like to advance to Hegemony, he made it crystal clear that hurting Awesome is his top priority.
Santa: You can have multiple objectives. Tonight I plan to deliver presents all around the world while getting some strange.
"Full of Regret" by Danko Jones begins to play as the crowd gives a mixed reaction.
The lights in the gift shop explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat as Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped up chorus. Awesome is wearing fake reindeer antlers and a red nose. Tied around the legs of his pants are sleigh bells. He practices a few leg slapping superkicks, pleased with the extra sound the bells provided.
Burt Tennor: Making his way to the ring, fighting out of Detroit, Michigan. He stands 6 feet two inches tall and weighs 238 pounds. He is the face of the franchise, STEVE AWESOME!
Block: Tonight could be the first step in Awesome reclaiming his X*Crown title. Unlike Donzig, Steve is getting into the holidays.
Fletcher: North Pole cultural appropriation, just one more reason to cancel Steve.
Donzig shakes his head at the stupid costume. The chorus plays again as Steve walks down to the ring. The guitar starts soloing and Steve hops into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket and then spins and drops into a kneel and he flexes his arms.
Santa: Why cancel someone when you can leave them coal?
Donzig bounces off the ropes and slides in with a two footed tackle. Awesome was too busy posing and never saw the attack coming. The alleged movie star has his legs taken out from under him.
Block: Hey! The match hasn’t even started yet!
Fletcher: You think Donzig cares?
Referee Nicolas "Papito" Perez, wearing a trucker hat that says FELIZ NAVIDAD, just laughs as Donzigs puts Steve in a single legged Boston crab. Awesome screams for help and pounds his hands into the mat.
Block: Come on, Papito! How can you stand there and let this happen?
Fletcher: Standing there is what Papito is best at.
After what seems like way too long, Papito comes over and tells Donzig to release the hold. The attacker still refuses until the referee threatens to call off the match. Donzig finally releases the hold and storms back over to his corner.
Block: The match hasn’t even begun and Steve’s leg is already messed up. Donzig is despicable. I’m not sure if Steve Awesome will agree to continue.
Santa: He better. We don’t like to give refunds here.
Steve struggles to get back to his feet, scolding Papito for not acting quicker. Awesome tosses of his antlers and red nose in anger. The referee gives an indifferent shrug and asks if he wants to continue. The former X*Crown champion nods and glares at Donzig. Papito calls for the bell.
Block: Steve is going to gut this out. It might not be wise, but it is honorable.
Main Event Singles Match
REIGN Representation at Battle for Hegemony
Donzig vs Steve Awesome
REIGN Representation at Battle for Hegemony
Donzig vs Steve Awesome
DING DING DING
The two warriors charge in, Donzig being much quicker than the wounded Awesome. The limping wrestler is greeted by a series of left and right hooks as the crowd boos, Donzig’s cheating giving an early advantage.
Block: Look at Steve’s limp. Now Donzig is lighting him up. This is disgraceful.
Fletcher: What an idiot. He should never have agreed to continue.
Awesome is knocked down to the mat. Donzig slaps at his opponent's head as Steve fights to get back to his feet.
Block: Donzig has no respect for Steve, hits a DDT then goes for the pin.
One
Kickout!
Fletcher: I presume a pin attempt that early was just to get under his skin.
Santa: My ex-wife knows all about that.
Donzig drags Steve up by the hair. He swings in with a big, left haymaker that Awesome blocks. Steve headbutts his opponents and then hits a belly to belly suplex. The crowd cheers.
Block: What a suplex! Steve isn’t out of this yet!
Donzig scrambles to his feet just as Awesome comes off the near ropes with a flying forearm. He grabs the staggered Don and hits a swinging neckbreaker.
Fletcher: Awesome going for an early pin of his own.
One
Kickout!
Steve has to use the middle rope to pull himself back up. Donzig crawls away on all fours to create distance between the two of them. Awesome begins to tune up the band.
Block: Listen to those sleigh bells ring each time he slams his foot into the mat! Awesome waits for Donzig to rise, stalking his prey.
Donzig turns around and catches the superkick.
Fletcher: The bell ringing just let Donzig know what his next move was.
Santa: Never let them know your next move, especially when negging.
The bald wrestler gives an evil smile and then kicks the standing leg. Awesome crumbles to the mat in pain.
Block: Steve’s leg is badly hurt. All it took was one kick for him to collapse in pain.
Fletcher: I’m sure Donzig will do the gentlemanly thing and avoid it going forward.
Donzig begins to stomp away at the helpless Awesome’s leg, only stopping long enough to get a few head slaps in too.
Fletcher: See? He’s focusing on the head now.
Awesome is wrapped up into a cloverleaf and Donzig barks at the ref to ask if he submits.
Block: Pennsylvania Cloverleaf! This might end it!
Steve shakes his head no when asked to submit, but it is clear he is in a lot of pain. He desperately reaches out for the ropes.
Block: Awesome is inches away from the rope, but Donzig drags him further towards the center of the ring.
Fletcher: Hurry up and tap! I want to get out of this awful country.
Santa: Awful? Go deliver some presents to Chad and then get back to me about this place.
Steve’s hands are trembling, it looks like he’s going to tap. When all hope seems lost, Awesome manages to squirm just right and leap forward.
Block: Awesome got it! He wraps a hand around the bottom rope.
Fletcher: Donzig could care less.
Donzig is refusing to break the hold and forces the ref to count.
1
2
3
4
Donzig finally lets Awesome go and begins to mutter to himself. Papito apologizes to Donzig.
Fletcher: What area code is 407?
Santa: Orlando. I know every area code on the planet.
Fletcher: Well, somebody from there just texted me. They want to know if Papito's contract will allow him to referee Hardkore World matches.
Donzig scoops Awesome up and drops him into a backbreaker. Steve bounces around the mat in pain.
Block: Steve is back on his feet. He goes for a big kick with his good leg, but Donzig catches it!
Steve Awesome swings around with his other leg and nails an enzuigiri kick! He whips Don into the turnbuckles.
Block: Wow, that was with his bad leg. Awesome follows him in with a stinger splash!
Fletcher: The momentum might have shifted here!
Don is forced out of the corner by a running bulldog.
Block: Steve pulls him up into a waistlock, but Donzig back elbows him in the face.
Fletcher: You might have spoken too soon.
He kicks him in the stomach and runs into the ropes. He clips the back of Awesome’s head with a running knee.
Block: That was a brutal knee. Donzig irish whips awesome into a pop-up powerbomb.
1
2
Kickout!
Santa: Steve won’t give up! He’s like a desperate parent on Christmas eve, trying to claw a tickle me Elmo out of the cold, dead hands of a stranger.
Block: Donzig double underhooks his arms, but Awesome backdrops out of it.
He irish whips Donzig into the ropes, and slams him into the mat with a spinebuster!
Fletcher: Santa, I got to ask. What made you pick “Hey Nineteen” for an entrance?
Santa: It is my favorite song about older men scoring with nineteen year olds.
Fletcher: That’s fair.
Steve Awesome front facelocks Donzig and steps up to the second turnbuckle. He hops off into a tornado DDT that spikes Donzig's head into the canvas!
Block: What a tornado DDT! There is not an ounce of quit in Awesome’s heart.
Fletcher: Plenty in that leg though.
The failed actor clutches his leg in pain for a moment after as Sinclair slides into the ring.
Block: Sinclair Godfrey slides into the ring. Papito is quick to block her path towards Awesome.
Fletcher: You mean Papito is quick to wrap his arms around the hot redhead.
Santa: See, this is exactly what Steely Dan was singing about.
Donzig reaches down and rips one of the sleigh bell belts off of Steve’s boot. Don begins to bring the belt down on Awesome’s back with as much force as possible.
Block: Oh come on! We wanted a wrestling match.
Fletcher: Just hear those sleigh bells jingling!
Steve rolls around in pain, clutching at his back as Donzig continues to whip away. Papito finally gets Sinclair to leave the ring. He turns around to see Donzig with the belt and rolls his eyes.
Block: Only now does the ref see Awesome’s welted back. This is a joke.
Fletcher: If nothing else he should have heard the bells.
Awesome tries to crawl away but Donzig jumps on his back. The cultist wraps the sleigh bell belt around Steve’s neck and begins to choke away.
Block: PAPITO! GET CONTROL!
Fletcher: Wrestlers being choked with sleigh bells. I bet this is somebody’s kink.
Santa: I see all people at all times and can confirm.
Papito finally decides enough is enough and saunters over. He orders Donzig to release the choke, but his orders are ignored. The referee starts to count.
1
2
3
4
Block: A better official would have disqualified Donzig ages ago.
Fletcher: That isn’t Pap’s style. He’s a Millwall fan.
Donzig releases the belt from Awesomes neck at the last second. He holds both arms up to indicate he doesn’t want any trouble. Papito seems pleased with this, but then Donzig begins to whip Steve’s back again with the belt.
Block: Awesome is being tortured. Somebody has to do something!
Santa: You’re right. Showing Donzig up would ensure I score with that sexy, ginger nineteen year old. (singing) The Cuervo gold! The fine colombian!
Fletcher: (Singing) MAKES TONIGHT A WONDERFUL THING!
Santa slides into the ring and grabs the other end of the belt before another strike can be delivered. Donzig turns around to see who is interfering and his eyes fill with rage.
Block: Donzig looks like he’s seen a ghost of Christmas past! He’s shocked and livid.
Fletcher: This guy really hates Santa, but is his hatred stronger than Claus’ thirst?
Papito just watches Saint Nick in a silent awe. Santa and Donzig play tug of war over the belt. Eventually, Donzig lets Santa win. This is only to allow the momentum to carry Donzig forward who then delivers a flying forearm to Santa’s face.
Block: Ouch! Donzig has just dropped the most beloved man on the planet.
Fletcher: That isn’t Bruce Springsteen.
Furious, Donzig picks up the belt and begins to strap Santa even harder than he did Awesome.
Block: No! No! Danzig stop! Think of the children!
Fletcher: Think of that artisan coffee grinder I asked for! Papito is on his knees praying in Spanish for Papá Noel.
Donzig nods satisfied and turns around right into a Thigh Slapper Superkick with jingle bells. The roof explodes off the building.
Block: SUPER SLEIGH KICK!!!!
Fletcher: They heard that pop in Russia!
Awesome scoop slams Donzip down to the mat, runs to the ropes and hits an elbow drop.
Block: Awesome is bringing the fight to Donzig. He runs to the opposite side of the ring and comes back with a Senton Splash.
Fletcher: Both men are on the canvas. Steve only further damaged his leg with that comeback.
Awesome rolls around the ring grabbing his knee in pain as Donzig gasps for air.Sinclair drags Santa out of the ring and begins to stomp him on the floor. Papito pleads with her to spare the magical being as both men struggle to get to their feet.
Fletcher: I’m not sure this is how Santa wanted to get close to Sinclair.
Block: Once again the referee is distracted. Donzig appears to be chewing something as he approaches Awesome.
Donzig spits a mouthful of black mist, but Awesome drops into a split to avoid it. While down on the ground, Steve lands a Johnny cage nut punch to his opponent.
Block: Low blow from Awesome!
Fletcher: A fitting move considering the number of ignorant parents that have gifted gorey Mortal Kombat games to their children.
Donzig staggers around, bent over, as Steve closes in.
Block: The SteveKO! Papito finally turns around as Awesome goes for the pin!
One
Two
Three!
DING DING DING
Burt Tennor: Your winnner......AND REPRESENTING REIGN AT BATTLE FOR HEGEMONY......STEVE AWESOME!
Steve’s theme begins to play as both men lay on the mat exhausted.
Block: What a wild main event! Steve Awesome is going on to Hegemony!
Fletcher: And Santa is going to the hospital!