Post by Jonnie Valentine on Jan 12, 2023 0:36:04 GMT -5
Fade up on the Las Vegas crowd with a ton of Cross Recoba’s signs peppered everywhere. A picture of Syberus headed towards Garibaldi's Guillotine, “Why Dinky Why??”, “Little Dragon’s Biggest Fan”, “Syberus Sucks”, “I Parked In MXG’s Space”, “My Boss Will Take The Sooner Squeeze Challenge”, “I Heart Hunter”, “Willow Doesn’t Work Without Val Kilmer”. It cuts to Guillermo and Phil at ringside in front of the Tanner’s Tires ring apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans, and welcome to Vegas! Phil, I see you no longer require a wheelchair.
Phillip Blauer: Yes, I would give all the credit to my physical conditioning, and my never say die attitude. First I was able to make my big toe move, then my foot, and soon my entire leg…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Your wife Dorothy took her wheelchair back, didn’t she?
Phillip Blauer: Like she needed it?! All she does is lay in bed and watch Little Rascals shorts. I told her I needed it for work, but she threatened to cut off my make up money, which is exorbitant these days. Inflation is hitting everyone hard, but most of all young-ish men who need to hide their crow’s feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight fans we have a battle of the belts as XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: Marty’s not a Junior anything, but it’s damn time for him to start winning all the XWF gold and calling the shots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think it’s XHF.
Phillip Blauer: That makes no sense. Wrestling doesn’t start with an H. Does it?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. shrugs
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore World Tag Team titles will be up for grabs in a ladder match between Tuxedo Mask & Kilroy Evans taking on “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane.
Phillip Blauer: Per their usual, The Society of the New Breed needed outside interference and a cheap shock value return to save their titles. This time we got our power players, a former Hardkore World Champion and the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner in there, to walk up that ladder and pluck it into The Anointed.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then there’s the match I’ve been waiting for ever since Jonnie Valentine signed Cross Recoba. Recoba taking on 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion The Great Syberus. Both are two of the best technical wrestlers working today, we will see who the best is. It’s a dream match!
Phillip Blauer: Maybe for you, but most of my dreams involve how I’m late to school because I can’t find my cufflinks and my mother tells me the tornado is here to pick me up. So I check the roof for my cufflinks, which turns out to be Cincinnati…
Guillermo O’Bannon: No one cares, Phil. Cross Recoba is looking to make a statement win, and Syberus wants his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship back in what looks like a collision course to greatness. Then we have a clash of two styles, as the big Ruben Bowman, tangles with the violent Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: I’m torn here because while I really like Ruben’s limericks, I also enjoy the brutality of Sheik. Poems? Bloodshed? It’s really a quandary.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess. Then two newcomers do battle as Little Dragon takes on Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: No tear here, I hate both those guys.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know why, Little Dragon is an amazing second generation wrestler with a ton of potential, while Kalmin Watts has caught the eye of the West Coast with his amateur wrestling style and that Sooner Squeeze.
Phillip Blauer: Maybe because the Sooner Squeeze sounds like how JR gets into his khakis.
The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” plays and a barking Moondog Dook staggers out to the ring with his chain around his neck to some cheers. He’s an albino with a crazy beard and a hairy chest, wearing ripped jean shorts with a string as a belt
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Santa Fe, a crazed Moondog Dook came out of the crowd and attacked Gavin Drake with a chain.
Phillip Blauer: Are there any versions of Dook that aren’t crazed? Maybe a festive Dook?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Unfortunately, no. Gavin Drake was able to get control of the chain and chase Dook off, but it goes to show you how unhinged this old kook is.
Phillip Blauer: (sipping from his Jamba Juice) Hmm? Me?
Moondog Dook walks on all fours while ring announcer Greg Jin stands in the center of the ring, waiting for his cue
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the T-Mobile Arena. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds; The Old Dog with the Old Tricks…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The crowd gives him a mixed reaction
"Impermanence" by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black. The crowd jeers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake got back on the winning side of the ledger with a victory over Captain Black Hawk in Santa Fe…
Phillip Blauer: Not really very respectful of our boys in uniform is it?
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the Las Vegas crowd before he throws a fist in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: But the loss in Albuquerque to Ruben Bowman stung the disciple of Donzig. He has promised to right that wrong with a convincing win over Moondog Dook here tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Look, the guy likes a good drink, and he likes a good fight. Like Earnest Hemingway or Ezra Miller. Donzig has got to understand that guys like that are gonna fumble the bag sometimes. No biggie.
Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake is looking to make Moondog Dook the beneficiary of all the frustration, all the anger he has over that match.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, The Son of the Conquerer…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The T-Mobile Arena boos as Drake throws up his fist and Emily Black poses.
Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell. Moondog Dook tries to run at Drake and Emily with the chain, but Richie cuts him off and demands he deposit the chain in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie taking some initiative here and not allowing Dook to use the chain as he did in Albuquerque.
Phillip Blauer: That’s a good lad. You see? And you told his uncle you didn’t think he was gonna work out…
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s not what I said, and it’s not his uncle, and I don’t know what you’re talking about and Gavin Drake sneak attacks Dook with a stinger splash from behind!
The audience boos and Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell. Gavin Drake back suplexes Dook out of the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake hits Dook right on the button with a dropkick. He hooks Dook up and lifts him up high for a textbook suplex.
Gavin Drake irish whips Dook into the ropes and hits him with a spinebuster hard into the mat. Dook rolls over in pain while Emily Black applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake putting the boots to Dook right now and this crowd doesn’t like it.
Phillip Blauer: Well, if the fans remember who Dook got pulled over with in 2006 maybe they wouldn’t be so supportive of…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Everyone remembers that story, and it’s been talked about and there’s nothing left to say. He has paid his debt to society. Gavin Drake has Dook up in a front facelock and rolls him around into a neckbreaker.
Moondog Dook sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Gavin Drake is right on top of him with a gut wrench suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake irish whips Moondog into the ropes and catches him coming back with a full powerslam!
…ONE!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake shoots him into the ropes again but Dook ducks a lariat, he hits the ropes and comes back with a clothesline of his own!
The crowd comes to life and Emily Black looks on from the corner. Moondog Dook elbow drops him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook elbow drops Drake a second time. He gets up for a third one but Gavin Drake rolls out of the ring.
Emily Black applauds Drake’s ring awareness but a confused Moondog Dook stares vacantly at him from the ring, then just elbow drops the canvas anyway
Phillip Blauer: Poor Dook. What is our responsibility in all this?
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is all he can do.
Phillip Blauer: I know, it’s just…
Guillermo O’Bannon: You feel like someone’s gonna question us about this later?
Phillip Blauer: Yeah.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I know. Moondog Dook now on the floor with Gavin Drake and hits him with a double ax handle. He runs from behind and jumps into a bulldog on the railing!!
The T-Mobile Arena cheers. Like a dog on a bone, Dook steps over the railing out of the crowd back into the ringside area, grabbing Drake and headbutting him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook now biting Gavin Drake, chewing on his forehead.
Phillip Blauer: Now Drake needs his shots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook headlocks Drake and goes to bulldog him into the corner, but Drake pushes him off so that Dook’s face connects with the steel ring post!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Dook’s head hitting the corner post. Gavin Drake scoops him up on his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake running powerslam’s Dook’s head into that ringpost!!
Phillip Blauer: Maybe it’ll make him smarter?
Emily Black instructs Drake to roll back into the ring. Dook climbs up on the apron, but Drake cuts him off with some punches
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake with a slingshot suplex on Moondog Drake back into the ring!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Gavin Drake applies an STF. He locks his hands underneath Dook’s chin and pulls up on his head and neck. Richie Richardson checks in to see if the Moondog wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake clamping down on Dook’s windpipe, but can’t get the Moondog to quit. He releases it and pulls him up to his feet. Drake wraps Dook’s arm behind his head, cocks back, and strikes him in the chest with a heart punch.
Phillip Blauer: That heart has taken plenty of defibrillator shocks on the floor of many hotel rooms, but that’s the hardest shot it’s probably ever taken.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake shoots Dook into the ropes and hits him in the sternum with a claymore kick!
The fans boo as Moondog Dook lies on the mat, clutching his chest. The fans chant “Call An Uber! Call An Uber! Call An Uber!” at Gavin Drake and he pulls down the rope, inviting them to get inside the ring. Emily Black urges him to ignore them
Phillip Blauer: They just care about you, Gavin.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake now has Dook’s arms butterflied, and drives his head into the canvas with a double underhook DDT!
The crowd quiets down, and then a rumble of boos washes over the T-Mobile Arena. Drake whips his hair out of his eyes, then pulls him up for his powerbomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Second Impact!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
'Impermanence' by the Architects plays and the fans jeer and heckle as Emily Black steps through the ropes to congratulate Drake
Greg Jin: “At 7 minutes 42 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
Referee Richie Richardson tries to raise Drake’s arm but Gavin rips his arm away from him. Emily Black smirks at Richie and raises Drake’s arm in victory and the fans voice their dislike for them
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake with a dominant performance here. Donzig is undoubtedly pleased with his protege here.
Phillip Blauer: I need to get a protege.
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. lumbers over to the announce table
Larry Valentine Jr.: How about me, boss?
Phillip Blauer: No, like someone with a future.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Gotcha.
Phillip Blauer: Good looking.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Loud and clear.
Phillip Blauer: Charismatic.
Larry Valentine Jr.: I’ll keep an eye out then.
Phillip Blauer: Thanks, Lare Bear.
Gavin Drake walks to the back, shielding Emily from the hands of the fans. He gets to the top of the stage and turns around and throws his fist in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake victorious here tonight, and now looks to rack up wins here on the West Coast until he’s standing across the ring from Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, Disney’s Marty Donovan. Fans, we now go back stage to Kevin Valentine Jr. who has an interview with the hometown hero, Cross Recoba!
We cut backstage where Kevin Valentine Jr. stands by with Cross Recoba. The XHF Box Office Smash is already in ring-gear, clearly ready for his match later in the night with The Great Syberus.
Kevin Valetine Jr: Thanks, Guillermo. I’m joined by Cross Recoba right now and Cross,great win against The Rookie but we’re seeing more and more people comment on the fact that you didn’t put up any money for anyone to try and escape your finishing hold, Garibaldi’s Guillotine.
Cross Recoba: Do you know how precious my time has been since I beat Little Dragon? I put on a show where even Marty Donovan had to bring his working boots! Every match from opener to the main-event was a certified banger! Then, when that was done I was not only setting up Tap Out Wrestling’s tenth show, I was preparing for tonight’s match against Syberus and most importantly I was making plans to go toe-to-toe with Zoran Sainovic to bring the X*Crown to HardKore World for the first time in its existence!
Kevin Valentine Jr: I saw more than one fan in attendance that was ready to take on your challenge but they got their chance when Anthony Jordan and Kalmin Watts issued their own Sooner Squeeze challenge to the Santa Fe faithful. Ten-thousand dollars was raised when no-one broke the hold all in the name of their Boys and Girls club…
Cross Recoba: Well done, Kalmin, on a great philanthropic effort. I must commend you not just on your ability to pander but also on the way you’ve managed to ride my coat-tails to do so. I saw the challenge, it’s what happens when you have to be there for first-bell and your match is later on in the show, maybe Watts’ll be able to agree with me someday. But if he wants to do that, to show he hasn’t got one original thought in his head….fine by me. Where I take exception is in his Carny mouthpiece goes and outright lies to people. What was it he called it?
Kevin Valentine Jr: The Best Hold in Wrestling.
Cross Recoba: Right, and based on what? That he got some mouth-breathing morons in the middle of Santa Fe to tap? Becaus he beat Dirk "Glorious Wolf" van Thijmen with it on that show? It’d be like telling a Formula One driver you’re better than them because you won the Missoula Soapbox Derby. I’ve put away countless wrestlers with Garibaldi’s Guillotine and the difference is - you’d recognise their names. They were former X*Crown Champions, Hall of Famers, and those were tipped to be the Next Big Thing. I don’t want to get caught up in something that is so clearly beneath me and so I’ll be clear. If Watts and Jordan want to carry on with their challenge, go for it. It saves me having to rub shoulders with people who’ve never been to London and gone to Annabell’s or dined at Alinea, HOW can I relate to them?
Recoba pauses for an answer that is never coming.
Cross Recoba: But if I hear him proclaim that hold ‘The Best Hold in Wrestling’ again, I’ll hit them with something that his charge can’t fight off with his Farm-boy strength…legal action…
Cross walks out of shot as Kevin Valentine can only shrug as he throws it back to commercial
In My Humble Opinion…the new commentary show with Phillip Blauer goes where most cable news networks won’t
Phillip Blauer: You don’t see pay phones anymore, I’ll tell you that. And another thing! McDonald’s used to have those styrofoam boxes for the burgers and the cheese would get on them. After your burger was done, you still had cheese to eat on the sides. Now almost every McDonald’s I go to is out of them. That doesn’t sit well with me, mister.
Phil’s not afraid to “go there”
Phillip Blauer: This caller ID thing is for the birds! Now everyone knows I’m calling them when I want to make my anonymous threats.
Cut to Guillermo outside eating lunch on a park bench. He smiles as he chews, looking at nature. His phone rings
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hey, Phil. What’s up?
Heavy breathing on the other line
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Are you there?
The breathing becomes panicked
Phillip Blauer: (whispers) I’m gonna kill you…
The line goes dead. Guillermo shrugs and puts the phone down, and then goes back to eating his turkey sandwich
Some of the brightest minds come to In My Humble Opinion, and get mentally destroyed by the Blau Dog
Sound of a mean dog barking and then cut to Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. sitting at the desk with Phil
Phillip Blauer: You know who doesn’t do movies anymore is C. Thomas Howell?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I just saw him in something.
Phillip Blauer: What?
Larry Valentine Jr.: It was this movie where he darkened his skin so he could get into a school.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Soul Man. And that was made in the 80’s.
Larry Valentine Jr.: No, I just saw it. It was on last night.
Phillip Blauer: Yes, Larry. Things can be on last night that were made 40 years ago.
Larry Valentine Jr.: His teacher was Darth Vader.
Phillip Blauer: That was James Earl Jones…(rubs temples) God, this is horrible. I wouldn’t watch this. How much longer to go?
Voice of Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. comes over the God Box
Danny Valentine Jr.: 57 minutes.
Phillip Blauer: You’re kidding me. So Larry. Do anything fun this weekend?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I was with you all weekend.
Phillip Blauer: What about when you were not with me?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Um, I went to laser bowling?
Phillip Blauer: Ok, that’s something…
Larry Valentine Jr.: But they were closed.
Phillip Blauer: Oh.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Health inspector found the rats had made a pretty intricate “Secret of NIMH” style metropolis in the kitchen that were in prolonged war with the primitive but noble rats that lived in the pin return.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, that’s it, I can’t listen to this anymore. Can we cut to commercial?
Voice of Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. comes over the God Box
Danny Valentine Jr.: We didn’t sell any ad time.
Phil tosses his index cards and gets up from the desk. He walks away as a dejected Larry Valentine Jr. remains
Fade back to the T-Mobile Arena as “Twenties” by Ghost hits.
The crowd is a little confused until Kalmin Watts emerges from the curtain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts apparently coming out here for The Sooner Squeeze Challenge, right after Cross Recoba has said he is none too pleased by a rival challenge.
Watts is showing signs from his grueling match on New Year’s Brawl in Wrestle: UK as his left knee is taped up. He is followed by his manager, Anthony Jordan, and MLB star, Kris Bryant. Jordan is carrying a giant novelty check with him.
Phillip Blauer: Why didn’t you tell me there were gonna be actual celebrities like Colorado Rockies third baseman Kris Bryant? I would have had my teeth done. They notice these kinds of things.
The three men hit the ring as Watts and Bryant, Jordan gets the microphone from Greg Jin, then hands the giant check to Watts.. “Twenties” cuts off as Jordan raises the microphone
Anthony Jordan: “A little different today, huh? While the band and song are a little too vulgar for my sensibilities, Kalmin is embracing ‘New year. new me’. The last thing he wants to be is that guy who was a big man on campus who never grows up. The University of Oklahoma was a great chapter in his life, but this next chapter in Hardkore World will be even better!”
The fans cheer in support
Anthony Jordan: “The song is called ‘Twenties’. In that regard, it fits. After all, Kalmin is in his twenties, and we are in the twenties. It has been a tough decade, but with a new year comes hope to slay the dragon of our past and become something greater! That starts tonight with what will be a great match against Little Dragon!”
The Las Vegas audience pops for Little Dragon
Anthony Jordan: “But before that, we have the Sooner Squeeze Challenge!”
The crowd applauds
Anthony Jordan: “Now, with a match against a rising talent coming up, Kalmin cannot spend too much time exhibiting the best hold in wrestling…”
The fans cheer as Jordan puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head for a few seconds before raising the microphone back up.
Anthony Jordan: “Excuse me, I said the BEST…HOLD...IN...WRESTLING!”
The T-Mobile Arena grows louder as the old pro gives his goofy grin at getting the reception he wanted.
Phillip Blauer: Why is he yelling at me?
Anthony Jordan: “Now that is more like it! By now, you know I mean the Sooner Squeeze!”
The audience cheers again
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin would usually take all comers, but, as I noted, he has a match. Couple that with his bum wheel, we will only have one challenger tonight. Oh, but what a challenger! We have Las Vegas’s own and World Series Champion, Kris Bryant!”
The fans cheer as Bryant waves to them
Phillip Blauer: Finally, someone who can get us mainstream coverage. This will bring alot of new eye balls to Hardkore World, and I am looking to get off this raft.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Put in a good word for me?
Phillip Blauer: The Blau-Dog walks alone.
Anthony Jordan: “On the line today is ten thousand dollars to the Wings for Life Foundation. They do great work in the area of research spinal cord injuries and are a great foundation. Folks, this is a four-star charity according to Charity Navigator. You should look into them and give regardless of how the challenge goes today.”
Watts holds up the giant check as the T-Mobile Arena cheers. He then sets it in the corner and sits on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a worthwhile charity to bring a spotlight to.
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin is ready to go! Before we get to it, let me go through the rules again.”
Jordan turns to Bryant
Anthony Jordan: “Kris, there are a couple of ways you can win ten thousand dollars for Wings for Life. The first way you can win is to escape the Sooner Squeeze. The second way you can win is to last for one minute. That means you do not submit and avoid being pinned for a three count.”
Bryant nods as Jordan looks out to the crowd.
Anthony Jordan: “With that sorted, let us get on with the challenge!”
The Las Vegas audience cheers as Jordan motions for Bryant to get on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Colorado Rockies Kris Bryant goes down to the mat, and Kalmin Watts lightly wraps his legs around Bryant.
Jordan counts down from five, then Watts locks in the Sooner Squeeze, popping the crowd!
Bryant yells out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think the pressure Kalmin Watts is applying to Kris Bryant’s torso is much worse than he anticipated!
Phillip Blauer: You know, some companies put their celebrities in a green room with a muffin basket instead of in a Sooner Squeeze. Just a thought.
The fans cheer for Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kris Bryant spends the first ten seconds of the challenge trying to endure the sudden pain. I think Kalmin Watts would normally look for a pin here to capitalize on Bryant’s shock, but he may be trying not to put stress on his left knee at this time.
Bryant begins to try to pull Watts’s legs apart. After slowly working, he separates Watts’s legs enough to get a deep breath before Watts clamps back down with about thirty seconds left
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think Kris Bryant is realizing he’s not getting out, but will try to survive.
Kris Bryant slaps the mat as he tries to psych himself up. The fans begin to clap along to the same rhythm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kris Bryant has held on to the fifty-second mark! Bryant can see the light at the end of the tunnel and looks like he has enough fight to last.
With the T-Mobile Arena counting down from ten, Watts realizes he only has one path to victory
Guillermo O’Bannon: Colorado Rockies’ Kris Bryant grits his teeth and rolls Bryant back into a pinning combination!
…ONE!
…Watts pushes up for additional leverage
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
Kalmin Watts releases the Sooner Squeeze and rubs his left knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts has pinned Kris Bryant, thus winning The Sooner Squeeze Challenge!
The fans cheer as Jordan helps Bryant up and pats him on the back
Phillip Blauer: Ugh.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What don’t you like about this guy? He’s a good person.
Phillip Blauer: He’s so preachy with “I went to Oklahoma”, “I went to school”, like. We get it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You don’t have to go to school.
Phillip Blauer: Good, I won’t.
Anthony Jordan helps Kalmin Watts up as he hobbles a little on the way up
Anthony Jordan: “Folks, that was a close one! Kris, you fought like the champion you are, but you did not win the Sooner Squeeze Challenge. That also means you did not win the ten-thousand dollars.”
The fans boo as Jordan shrugs. Watts, however, goes to the corner and picks up the check
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts walks over to the Colorado Rockies’ Kris Bryant and shakes his hand, then hands the check over! There you go, I was just saying that. Kalmin Watts is a very good person.
The Las Vegas fans begin cheering as Watts waves them off
Anthony Jordan: “Folks, Kalmin Watts is still going to give the ten thousand dollars to Wings for Life!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is really nice of him. He didn’t have to do that.
Phillip Blauer: He doesn’t know where that money’s going.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you stop. What do you have against spinal cord injury charities?
Phillip Blauer: You just never know.
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames as "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator rips through the T-Mobile Arena
The Vegas fans cheer as images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. Kris Bryant makes his way to the back. Little Drag nods as the fans give him a huge ovation
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is excited about this match, knowing what kind of competitor Kalmin Watts is from their familiarity with AWF. He’s also familiar with this city, this is where 14 years ago, in 2009, his mother Dragonatrix teamed with “Habanero” Amanda Kaufman as The Ladies of Rage to defeat The New Squaws, Shawnee Lizzie and Heather Little Owl.
Phillip Blauer: I remember chasing him out of makeup for hassling me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why would you do that?
Phillip Blauer: Back then? Probably Atkins Diet. I noticed he was eating a bun on his burger. We’ll see if that’s the difference maker here.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is proud to be here on the West Coast in Hardkore World where his parents wrestled. He is promising a spectacular match here tonight with this mix of styles.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; Dynamo Dragon…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The Las Vegas fans cheer wildly as Little Dragon nods in recognition
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Anthony Jordan! From Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds; Boomer Sooner…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The audience lets out a loud pop as Watts pumps himself up with Anthony Jordan whispering some advice, before leaving the ring with Greg Jin
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. Kalmin Watts limps to the right as he drops into a fighting stance as Little Dragon follows him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts injured that knee in Glasgow, Scotland against Eddie Havok in a match for Wrestle: UK at New Year’s Brawl.
Watts lunges forward, and nearly stumbles as his injured knee doesn’t seem to bear the weight
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time, snapping a few hard kicks into Watts’ injured knee.
Little Dragon cracks Kalmin Watts with another stiff kick to the knee so hard, Watts goes down to one knee. Dragon before he goes for a DDT but Watts counters with a hard push.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts wraps his arms around Little Dragon’s waist to go for a suplex. But his knee once again makes him stumble! Little Dragon inside cradles him!
…ONE!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
The audience pops as Little Dragon drags Kalmin Watts back to his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon grabs Watts’ leg and dragon screw leg whips him to the mat.
That draws the ire of Anthony Jordan at ringside. Kalmin Watts grabs at his leg as he sprawls on the mat. Little Dragon leaps to the turnbuckle, and stares down at Watts. He jumps off with a frog splash
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon Splash but Kalmin Watts rolls aside, and Dragon crashes down on the mat!!
Little Dragon rolls around on the canvas, grabbing at his ribs, kicking his toes into the mat in pain. Kalmin Watts pulls him up into a side waistlock and then drops down into a side suplex
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts rolls his shoulder up!
Watts shakes his head, limping back to his feet as Little Dragon pulls himself up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts starts throwing punches, and Little Dragon is happy to fire back in the center of the ring!
The Las Vegas crowd cheers the exchange of stiff shots back and forth. Little Dragon grabs Watts arm and irish whips him into the corner but Watts reverses, and Little Dragon slams into the corner hard before Watts follows him with a shake of his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts starts delivering hard chops to Little Dragon in the corner. Chop after chop, blistering Dragon’s chest!
The fans count along with the chops. Kalmin Watts draws back a step before he starts to lift Little Dragon onto the turnbuckle. Anthony Jordan says something on the outside, hitting the apron before he shakes his head as Watts tries to set up a superplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon starts throwing punches into his sides and legs, struggling to get free before he finally puts the boot to the injured knee. Watts falls from the ropes, and Little Dragon climbs to his feet to hit a huge hurricanrana!! He cradles the leg!
The audience pops
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts reverses it into a sunset flip!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The T-Mobile Center cheers, and Little Dragon shakes his head as he rolls to his feet. Watts is slower to rise, and shakes his head before Dragon comes in hot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts is ready for him this time, whipping him at the ropes for a huge spinebuster! Watts makes the cover, and Kelly O’Connell dives for the count!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts says that Little Dragon is all about the high spots and internet praise.
Phillip Blauer: Guilty. I love internet praise. If driving a bus full of nuns off a cliff got me just a few likes, I would do it.
Kalmin Watts pulls himself up, almost falling as he favors his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes back up to hit with him a chop-block to the injured knee!
Watts drops to a knee, and grimaces in pain. Anthony Jordan pounds on the apron to keep him focused
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon comes off the ropes with a clothesline that sends the big man sprawling!
Little Dragon snarls, and grabs Kalmin Watts’ leg. He starts stomping away at the wounded knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon’s foot is behind Kalmin Watt’s knee as he drives it into the mat! He lifts Watt’s leg up only to drive it into the mat again!
Kalmin Watts cries out in pain. Little Dragon picks up his leg, places his foot under his knee, and drives it into the mat for a third time! Watts yelps in agony, and rolls around the mat, clutching his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon spinning toe holds Watts’ leg and then drops down into a figure four leglock!
Watts sits up in agony as Little Dragon clamps down on his ankle, pressing his leg into his own knee. Kelly O’Connell checks in but Kalmin Watts shakes his head. Anthony Jordan urges Watts to hang on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts howls as he tries to get to the ropes as Kelly O’Connell asks him if he wants to tap! He shakes his head, yelling no as he strains for the ropes.
Phillip Blauer: The concerned Role Model watches from the outside.
Anthony Jordan yells something, and Watts nods as he starts to try and roll Dragon over to relieve the pressure. The fans cheer him on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon tightens the figure four leglock as he leans back to stop this turn of events.
Phillip Blauer: But Watts flips him over!
The T-Mobile Arena cheers loudly! Little Dragon howls in pain as he claws for the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts has studied Little Dragon and thinks he has his finisher the DSD figured out. Kalmin Watts tries to drag Little Dragon away from the ropes, but Dragon gets his fingers on the ropes, and Kelly O’Connell calls for a break!
Kalmin Watts is back on his feet, limping hard as he stalks towards Little Dragon who is back on his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes off the ropes, throwing a kick at Watts’ head that he ducks aside and reverse waist locks him. Kalmin Watts with a german suplex with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts’ knee buckles!
Little Dragon is back on his feet, shaking his head before he stalks Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon grabs Kalmin Watts away from the ropes. He throws a few punches, and then starts firing off kicks into his thighs and ribs.
Kalmin Watts staggers back, covering up before Dragon darts back to hit the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes off hard with an elbow to Watts’ head! Dragon hauls off and hits Watts with another hard elbow that causes the big man to stumble back.
Phillip Blauer: Little Dragon leaps to the top turnbuckle, with ill intent on his mind!
Guillermo O’Bannon: DSD, but Kalmin Watts ducks aside and Little Dragon crashes to the mat!! Well scouted move!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” Kalmin Watts’ boot snaps up to crash into Dragon’s stomach. He grabs Dragon, shaking his head and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts puts his hands together and hits Little Dragon in the chest with an Oklahoma Hammer!!
The fans pop! Kalmin Watts jumps on Little Dragon’s back and applies his body scissors submission
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sooner Squeeze!! Watts clamps down on the sides of Little Dragon’s ribs with those powerful legs. Little Dragon can’t support the weight of the 260 pound Kalmin Watts and goes down to the mat.
Kalmin Watts continues to constrict Little Dragon’s breathing with his leg scissors. Kelly O’Connell stops getting answers on whether or not he wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell tests Little Dragon’s arm, but he keeps it up. Kalmin Watts continues to wear down his kidneys and ribs with that Sooner Squeeze! Watts goes full extension and Little Dragon finally taps out!
The Las Vegas crowd erupts as “Twenties” by Ghost plays. Kalmin Watts rolls to the side, clutching his knee as Anthony Jordan enters the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a gutsy performance! Kalmin Watts fights through the pain to get a big win here in Vegas!
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 19 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Anthony Jordan helps Kalmin Watts to his feet, as he hops on one leg with his arm raised. Kelly O’Connell raises his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts knee is worse for wear, but he comes away with the victory tonight. He continues with his impressive run here on the West Coast.
The fans cheer as Jordan raises Kalmin Watts’ arm again and points to him. Little Dragon clutches his ribs on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pulls himself up to his feet in the corner.
Phillip Blauer: Here we go!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes over, holding his ribs, to Kalmin Watts who needs help to stand, and offers his hand.
The T-Mobile Center gives both men a standing ovation for their toughness and bravery. Anthony Jordan gives Kalmin Watts a quizzical look, wondering what he wants to do here
‘
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts accepts his handshake and these two give each other a mutual show of respect!
The audiences round of applause gets louder as the two hug, and then raise one another’s arms. Little Dragon leaves the ring holding his ribs while Kalmin Watts continues to celebrate in the ring. Then Watts leaves the ring with Anthony Jordan.
(“Growing on Me” by the Darkness plays and after the beat kicks up a huge glittering “110%” fills the screen, to which the crowd leave their seats. Syberus pushes out of the curtain with not much delay wearing a 110% t-shirt and flashes a grin around at the adulation. He takes a moment to pause by the crowd next to the stage before making his way down the ramp and high fiving fans along the way.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We may be in Cross Recoba's town here tonight but plenty of love for the five time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, the great Syberus!
Philip Blauer: Cerberus seems to have left his sharply dressed butler fellow behind to steam his undergarments or some such.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Do you mean Wayne Tanner Jnr.?
Philip Blauer: Interesting gentleman, has a great enthusiasm for automobiles. Did you know the Tanner500 outlasts the competitor's nearest product by over 12 miles, and at only thrice the cost?
(Syberus wipes his feet on the apron and steps through the ropes. He hops up and pumps his fist with a YEAH!! that the crowd respond with themselves. Syb grabs the microphone as the music dies.)
Syberus: Wellity wellity wellity... looks like Cross fell for one of the classic blunders! Getting a big long promo ready to drop right after his opponent only his opponent doesn't say any of the shit he prepped responses for.
Why's the guy ragging on me for lauding my past accomplishments when I haven't for a while actually? To the point where he goes back to clips of me from months back just to pull apart – I don't blame him though, the footage of me was the best part of his promo. And why's he running the numbers on how long I had the SWAT title for? Does this guy have no life whatsoever? 
Cross seems to be in the same camp as Poena and AVB. That in order to be truly great you can't possibly lose a match. Oh dear Lord no. Lose a match? Why that would shatter Cross's poor little ego so bad he'd have to go running back to whichever corner of this network spawned him for a midcard title and handjob.
Son when you've dropped a belt to Paul Soutter's pump handle slam, defeat sort of loses it's sting. That's why the great Syberus can drop a match to the latest Mary Sue some random fed is trying to push one week and add to that list of accomplishments I won't bring up the next.
Because all greatness comes from taking knocks and bouncing back. Not constant back pats from your echo chamber on Discord.
(Syberus nips up onto a turnbuckle and sits casually atop the corner.)
Syberus: You wanna know why I don't go and wrestle in any network shows? Isn't it glaringly obvious? Get it through your head – Hardkore World, and not HKW by the way but you've been here five minutes so I'll let it slide – has more history, more tradition and more legacy than all the other federations of this network combined.
Hardkore World IS this network. The Hardkore World Heavyweight title with it's 35 years of blood and toil is the most prestigious championship under this umbrella. Sorry to break it to you. I know there's probably some fed here you main event because you're able to speak in sentences. But here in Hardkore World, those sentences have to be actually entertaining. This isn't a place you get ahead just by speaking for 20 minutes because your opponent spoke for 15.
So no, I'm not going to be wrestling on any network cards. Because I can live with losing a match for the XHF Super Duper X Junior title, but I'm sure as hell not sitting through some asshole's vampire fan fic before I do.
You wanna wrestle the great Syberus? You come to Hardkore World. Which you've done, Cross! So bravo for that. I just really hope when I'm done smashing the hell out of you in your home town you don't go crying back to a familiar bosom blaming the management and not your own failings. I hope you stick around. I hope you learn from the great Syberus. From Kilroy Evans. And yeah, even from Marty Donovan.
Because while you were trawling through my back catalogue for loopholes you missed one point. I'm not here to live in the past. I'm here God willing to drag some of you fuckers up to our level HERE AND NOW. Because when the great Syberus finally hangs up the boots, I don't wanna look back on a business I bled for and see a bunch of boring, bland, pathetic repetitive cry babies desecrating our canvas.
So drop 700 words and throw some zingers. This is Hardkore World.
(Syberus tosses the mic to the announcer as his music plays again.)
Guillero O'Bannon: Syberus with some strong words there for Cross Recoba, what a match that one is going to be later tonight!
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands.
Phillip Blauer: It’s the Age of Bowman!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with a victory over Gavin Drake in Albuquerque and he says The Sheik is next. He has had an impressive record here early in his career, and he points out that no one has pinned him without using a taser gun.
Phillip Blauer: Someone better frisk Sheik…and Graves. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. nods
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman hoping a big win here puts him in contention for Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first…”
Ruben Bowman stops Grega and whispers in his ear
Greg Jin: “Ladies and gentleman, I’m being told by Mr. Bowman that he would like to bless you all with a poem.”
The fans cheer and whistle with a smattering of some boos as Ruben Bowman takes the microphone
Ruben Bowman: “I can't be the best fighter, they say,
Since poems don't help in a melee.
If they try half as hard
To make fun of this bard,
Then their main training's gone well astray.
It's a challenge to be both, to be sure,
But do they all have to be immature?
If you want to make fun, I'm not a difficult one,
Though I wouldn't take your rhymes on tour.
Come for me on one front, but not both.
You might surprise us with growth.
Not enough to prevail,
Or to make me turn tail,
But you won't have to swear a new oath..”
The fans cheer and Ruben Bowman bows and hands the microphone back to Greg Jin
Greg Jin: “From Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Las Vegas fans give Bowman a mixed reaction of scattered applause and jeers
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the T-Mobile Arena boos as Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out with The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves is not happy with The Sheik having to face a poet.
Phillip Blauer: Has he heard his stuff? It rhymes and everything!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Graves went ahead and did his own poem…
Phillip Blauer: That was good too. I had no idea I was such a fan of poetry. I need wine and cheese for this match. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. nods and walks off. The Sheik slides under the ropes and flinches at Ruben Bowman, before standing on the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: MXG says that Ruben Bowman is catching The Sheik after a painful loss, and he will take out all his anger on the poet.
Greg Jin: “His opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The T-Mobile Arena drown out Greg with heckling as Malcolm Xavier Graves threatens the fans with his cane
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Man from Rub' al Khali…THE SHEIK!!!”
The fans boo and The Sheik tells them to shut up in Arabic. Malcolm Xavier Graves then mutters some last minute advice in Sheik’s ear
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik and Ruben Bowman lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up, and Bowman shoots Sheik into the ropes, backdropping him high in the air!
The audience cheers and The Sheik gets up and charges, but Ruben Bowman launches him clear across the ring with a beal throw
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman grabs a rear chinlock. He flattens out his body to put pressure on the back of Sheik’s neck. Malcolm Xavier Graves shouts out instructions of how to escape to The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: How does Graves know how to get out of a rear chinlock?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He must have told him something good because Sheik has fought his way to his feet with Ruben Bowman still hanging onto that chinlock.
The Sheik elbows Bowman in the stomach, and then drives another elbow into his guts, freeing him from the reverse chinlock. Sheik then irish whips Bowman into the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik follows him in a step behind with a heel kick in the corner!
The crowd jeers as Ruben Boman staggers out of the corner and Sheik grabs his hair and sits out into a facebuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a suplex but Bowman is too big to get up. Bowman plants his feet and counters with a hanging vertical suplex where he just leaves him up there.
Ruben Bowman drops Sheik and he sits up, arching his back in pain. Bowman pulls Shiek up by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman irish whips him but Sheik reverses it and shoots Bowman into the corner. The Sheik charges in but Bowman bounces out of the corner with a clothesline that turns Sheik inside out!
The Las Vegas fans cheer for Bowman. Bowman shoots Sheik into the ropes and dips down for another backdrop, but The Sheik catches him with a snap DDT and the cheers turn to jeers
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik now kicking and stomping the Buff Bard.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik drops a leg drop across the back of Bowman’s head, driving his face into the mat.
The Sheik gives him another stomp for good measure, as Malcolm Xavier Graves roots him on. He pulls Ruben Bowman up to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a flying body press but Ruben Bowman catches him with a full powerslam!
The audience cheers and Ruben Bowman does a little bow for them. Bowman double underhooks Sheik’s arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman butterfly suplexes The Sheik across the ring! Look at the raw power!
The T-Mobile Center applauds Bowman’s show of strength. Bowman feeds off their energy and pumps himself up
Phillip Blauer: Ruben Bowman better be careful accepting any of this applause from Vegas. We all saw what it did to Elvis. And Wayne Newton’s face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman running clotheslines The Sheik over the ropes to the floor below.
Phillip Blauer: Bowman now following after him which is a rookie mistake in my humble opinion. Which is the name of my new show My Humble Opinion coming this February on KPLM at 2am on Tuesdays when it’s not preempted by the rotisserie infomercial.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I did that infomercial and I love mine. You just set it and forget it. But you’re right, Ruben Bowman not really in his element out here. He irish whips Sheik hard into the railing!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of The Sheik hitting the steel guardrail. Ruben Bowman charges in and avalanches him against the security rail, and Sheik slump down to the arena floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman grabs him in a front waistlock, and turns his back to the crowd. He overhead belly to belly suplexes The Sheik over the railing into the front row of the audience!
The fans hoot and hollers, patting Bowman on the back and chest as he steps over the railing into the front row. The Sheik gets to his feet and pushes some fans away from him
Phillip Blauer: I’ll say it, our fans are the worst.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Don’t say that, that’s not true. The Sheik turns around into a lariat from Ruben Bowman, and he goes sprawling into the seats!
Bowman moves in but suddenly keels over. As Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. widens the shot, you see Malcolm Xavier Graves jab Ruben a second time in the ribs with his cane
Phillip Blauer: Way to miss the shot, Jackie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves whacks Bowman across the shoulder blades with that cane!!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Bowman goes down to one knee. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik whacks Ruben Bowman over the head with a steel chair!!
The audience lets out another loud “OH!” Bowman leans against the railing and The Sheik hits him with the chair again to make him go down! The Sheik pulls him up and tosses him over the railing into the ringside area
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik climbs up to the ring apron and then hops onto the second rope. He springboards backwards into an elbow smash, smacking Bowman back into the railing!!
Malcolm Xavier Graves pulls a table out from underneath the ring and starts setting it up. The Sheik and Ruben Bowman try to catch their breath. Finally, The Sheik rolls back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls in the top rope and slingshots himself over the top rope into a plancha on Ruben Bowman!!
The Sheik is now up on his feet, and rolls Bowman on to the table. He climbs up to the apron, and Graves hands him a chair
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off the apron with an Arabian facebuster leg drop on Bowman through the table!!
The Las Vegas fans boo as Sheik and Bowman lie in the former table. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik to his feet and then starts violently trying to pull Bowman up with The Sheik’s help
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik rolls Bowman back into the ring. He gets on the apron and slingshots himself over the top rope into a leg drop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik applies a LeBell lock! He locks his hands together under the chin and rocks back on Ruben Bowman’s head and arm.
Kelly O’Connell checks in but Ruben Bowman tries to hold on and not submit. Malcolm Xavier Graves pounds on the apron for Bowman to give up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik not only going for the win here, but also softening up his neck for The Last Crusade.
The Sheik peels back on his head while Bowman inches closer towards the ropes. Ruben reaches out and hooks the bottom rope and the fans cheer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben is able to use that 6’7 frame and hook the bottom rope.
Phillip Blauer: It’s gotta be useful for something other than cleaning the top of the fridge.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik releases the LeBell Lock and slowly begins climbing to the top turnbuckle. Ruben Bowman staggers over and catches Sheik with a punch.
A second punch, crotches Sheik on the top turnbuckle. Bowman tucks Sheik’s head into his shoulder and then walks him out into the center of the ring with a muscle buster
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman applies a dragon sleeper! He cranks back on Sheik’s arm and head, bending his neck and spine back.
The fans cheer and Sheik keeps shaking his head, refusing to quit. Bowman pulls him up to his feet in an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman lifts The Sheik up and over in an inverted suplex! He climbs to to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring, and flips into a moonsault but Sheik puts his knees up into Bowman’s chest!!
Bowman staggers around, holding his ribs and walks right into The Sheik’s black mass kick
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Scimitar!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Seasons In The Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the fans jeer. The Sheik rolls off of Bowman while Malcolm Xavier Graves runs into the ring to celebrate
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 7 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…THE SHEIK!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: It took some help from Malcolm Xavier Graves as usual, but The Sheik gets the win over the powerful poet Ruben Bowman.
The Sheik walks down the aisle way smacking away fans’ hands and signs, while Malcolm Xavier Graves points at the camera, threatening the rest of the roster
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik looking to get his Hardkore West Coast Championship back, and this win puts him right back into contention.
Phillip Blauer: Remember to watch my new show My Humble Opinion coming this February on KPLM at 2am on Tuesdays, again, when it’s not preempted by Gespacho’s rotisserie infomercial.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You can make chicken wings, salmon, even prime rib! I honestly don’t know what I would do without it.
The Sheik stands at the top of the ramp and poses while Malcolm Xavier Graves stands next to him. As Ruben Bowman walks to the back, he is stopped by Marty Donovan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What are they talking about?
Fade up on Kilroy Evans sitting on a stool backstage of the T-Mobile Arena. Hardkore Physician David Valentine Jr. is taking his pressure while a representative from the Nevada Athletic Commision looks on
David Valentine Jr.: Ok, Kilroy your blood pressure is a little high but acceptable.
Kilroy Evans: (phew) Now I can finally eat my soft pretzel. I get them made special, you want to know how?
David Valentine Jr.: From the looks of your BP, I would guess you get them with extra salt?
Kilroy Evans: (with his mouth full of pretzel) No, I get them with extra salt!
Athletic Commissioner.: (to David) Check that cut, it doesn’t look completely healed.
David Valentine Jr makes eye contact with Evan Valentine Jr. then signals for him to step in
Evan Valentine Jr.: Um, yo did what's his name take care of you yet?
Athletic Commissioner.: I don’t think so, no.
Evan Valentine Jr.: My bad. Let me get you set up then.
Evan walks off with his arm around the athletic commissioner to go get his bribe, while Kilroy chews on his pretzel. Backstage interviewer Kevin Valentine Jr. walks up to him with microphone in hand, Hardkore Camera Jackie Valentine Jr. following him with his camera
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Hey there, Kilroy.
Kilroy Evans: Kevin, you got so big!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: (embarrassed, looks at the camera) ) Um, thanks.
Kilroy Evans: Remember when you had a Kilroy Kake for your 8th birthday party?
Kevin Valentine Jr.: A little, but I don’t think I didn’t got a slice of it that year.
Kilroy Evans: (another mouthful of pretzel) You didn’t, and boy did you let everyone in that party know it. I tried telling your uncle that the host is supposed to eat last, but I wound up doing all that month’s radio appearances anyway.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: That cake was supposed to serve 50 kids.
Kilroy Evans: I was starving. You didn’t have any food besides the cake.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: We had pizza.
Kilroy Evans: You had Domino’s!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: It doesn’t matter. I wanted to get a soundbite from you about your upcoming Hardkore World Tag Team Championship ladder match against The Anointed.
Kilroy Evans: Absolutely, let’s step inside my office and I can give you anything you need.
Kevin and Jackie follow Kilroy as he walks over and opens his dressing room door, Shockingly, inside the room, is a donkey with a bow around it’s neck
Kevin Valentine Jr.: What? Who would leave a donkey inside your locker room? Is it Dinky?
Kilroy Evans: (sniffs in the air, twice) No. Doesn’t smell like him.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: There’s a note!
Kilroy peers over at the mule and sees a note safety pinned to the bow
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen walks up behind Kilroy and puts his arm around Kilroy. Kilroy continues to stare in awe at the little donkey.
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen: This from Uncle Claymore. She is Dinky's sister, Dina. Take good care. She likes carrots and ice cream and pie.
Kilroy Evans: So do I, Glorious Wolf. So do I.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Aw, that’s sweet of him. I think we have some carrots in catering…
Kilroy isn’t listening because he’s too busy feeding Dina a pie
Kevin Valentine Jr.: What kind of pie is that?
Kilroy Evans: (excited) Gooseberry! (to Dina) There you go, eat up that pie. Mmm, that’s good, huh? Can I have some?
Kilroy dips his face into the pie and soon Kilroy and Dina are sharing the same pie
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Um…
Kevin does the cut sign to Jackie Valentine Jr. and they slowly back away while a hungry Dina and Kilroy and no napkins share a gooseberry pie with Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen looks on. Fade back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match that has long been debated in message boards and amongst die hard fans for years. Two wrestler’s wrestlers. Las Vegas’ own Tap Out owner Cross Recoba and 5 times Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion The Great Syberus.
Phillip Blauer: As a kid, every fan in this building, and all of them watching at home, played this match out with their action figures at night while the music in their parents’ bedroom was very loud. If you got hungry and knocked on their bedroom door, your sweaty Dad would answer and tell you to go and eat a hot pocket, champ.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok. Not only are these two master technicians in the ring, but they both own a razor sharp intellect that has both camps wondering who can out flank the other.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the T-Mobile Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The High Caliber Wrestling Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The Vegas crowd leaps to their feet and cheers
Phillip Blauer: Wow, would you listen to that? Much different than the reaction he got in Providence, Albuquerque and Santa Fe.
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is his hometown, where he runs the wildly successful Tap Out, who recently had a great gate last month with the Poena vs. Close Collins rematch.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the cheering audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the town where he has struggled to even eat. He played college football as a wide receiver here and owes a lot to this city.
Phillip Blauer: I remember when he played. I won some money with him until the injury. They were nothing without him. Sure, they played a bowl game that year, but they never covered the spread.
Cross Recoba holds up the cane to get a huge pop from the hometown fans. He soaks in the response and then begins walking down the ramp still holding it aloft
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba claims that Syberus has been slipping as of late. He points to his recent loss of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship to Marty Donovan as proof that he isn’t the same Syberus who won the title four previous times.
Cross Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba feels like Syberus has isolated himself here on the West Coast where he is familiar, while Cross competes in the international XHF events. The Rookie, Little Dragon, and numerous fans have both gone down to The Garibaldi's Guillotine, and now he wants Syberus to be the next.
Recoba sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that gets a huge ovation from the T-Mobile Center. Fana hold up dozens of Cross Recoba signs as well as that picture of Syberus headed towards Garibaldi's Guillotine, and one that says “Syberus Sucks”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross feels he’s got the mental edge because with Syberus’ usual minimizing of his opponents, he can’t lose or it will shatter his confidence. We’ll see if that mindset will achieve his greatest victory since coming to Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: Frankly, I’d love to see it. That guy always walks around with his nose up in the air, telling us what fork to use and always pointing out that I’ve got Baja Chalupa sauce on my suit. Sorry we weren’t all brought up at the finest boarding schools with the smartest wizards. But this is America, and we don’t care if we got Baja Chalupa sauce on our suit. You know what smart guy? It’s the same stain as last month, I just didn’t wash it!
Guillermo O’Bannon: God, Phil. People can hear you, you know?
Phillip Blauer: Egads, is that true?
Phil looks at the mic on his headset suspiciously
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first; From Las Vegas, Nevada!!”
The crowd blows the roof off the T-Mobile Arena with an ear splitting pop. Cross Recoba nods and smiles in appreciation
Greg Jin: “Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing 230 pounds; He is The Self-Proclaimed 'Box Office Smash of the XHF Network'; The CEO of Tap Out Wrestling and The HCW Diamond Champion...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Las Vegas fans roar as Cross stands to his full height and steps over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match. The crowd starts chanting “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!”
Then the lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens. "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Vegas crowd jeers as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it Syberus emerges, his robe open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage with big Wayne Tanner Jr. walking out in a suit and cowboy hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is not the reaction Syberus is used to getting.
Phillip Blauer: These people are also tired of being told when they have month old stains on their clothes! Maybe this is a revolution? Maybe this will be the cool thing now? Having Baja Chalupa sauce all over yourself.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know if it’s going to bother Syberus, he’s been on both sides of the crowds during his 20 year career. He’s been wrestling in Vegas since 2005 when he was “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and he lost by countout to Tarrasque who’s currently appearing in the CWF.
Syberus takes a brief look around at the crowd with a fan holding up a “Cross Is Gonna Kill You” sign before heading down the ramp. Wayne Tanner Jr. has to hold back a few fans reaching over the guardrail at Syberus
Phillip Blauer: Wayne Tanner Jr. should really be handing out Buy 3 Tires Get The 4th One Free Tanner’s Tires coupons for every fan he’s pie facing here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: With a free inspection and they top off your fluids, that’s not a bad deal. Syberus said earlier tonight that he doesn’t venture outside Hardkore World because it’s got the history that no other company does.
Phillip Blauer: He told Cross Recoba he had to show up in his territory, but we kind of split the difference because we’re in Cross’ hometown.
Once up the ring steps Syberus wipes his feet on the apron before stooping through the ropes. He circles the ring for a second while Wayne Tanner Jr. steps through the ropes without losing his cowboy hat. Syberus hops up in one corner and raising his fists in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus is in championship form here tonight, with his biggest challenge since returning to the ring back in 2019.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by tonight’s sponsor, he is The CEO of Tanner’s Tires, Wayne Tanner Jr.; He hails from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 220 pounds; The only Five Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion In History…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”
The Las Vegas crowd loudly boos Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr.
Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell as Greg Jin and Wayne Tanner Jr. leave the ring, but Syberus and Cross Recoba just stare at one another from across the ring. The buzz of the crowd gets louder and louder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here we go fans, this has been talked about for years but now we’re finally getting it. Both men are rightfully cautious of the other, hesitant to make the first mistake in what is sure to be a chess game.
Phillip Blauer: That could be over the head of a lot of our viewers, he means like Yeti in the Spaghetti or Pop the Pig.
Cross Reboba and Syberus begin cautiously circling one another before finally locking up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus and Recoba jockeying for position in that lock-up, neither man getting a clear advantage.
After a lot of struggling, Cross Recoba tosses Syberus off, popping the crowd. Syberus shakes his head, and then shakes out his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba locks up with Syberus again and they tangle back and forth until Recoba is able back him into the ropes.
Syberus ducks his head under the ropes and Richie Richardson calls for the break. The audience boos and Cross Recoba puts his hands up in a show of sportsmanship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba takes advantage of Syberus in the ropes and whacks him with a hard knife edge chop! He hits him with another that rings through the T-Mobile Arena!
The crowd heckles Syberus as he gets hit with another reverse knife edge chop before Richie Richardson gets in between them to back Recoba off
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus locks up with Cross Recoba once again and grabs a side headlock. He grips his hands together so he can grind that forearm across the temple of Cross Recoba.
The Las Vegas fans jeer Syberus as he clamps down on the headlock. Then he plants his feet and flips Recoba over into a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to torque the head and neck of Cross Recoba with that headlock on the mat. He begins to press Recoba’s shoulders to the mat.
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba rolls Syberus over into a cradle!
…ONE!
…Syberus rolls back over into a side headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus continuing to wear down Recoba with that side headlock.
A fan starts chanting “Booor-ing!” Referee Richie Richardson checks in to see if Recoba wants to make it an early night. More chants of “BOOOR-ING!” ring through the T-Mobile Arena as Cross Recoba works his way to his feet with Syberus hanging on to the side headlock
Phillip Blauer: I think they’re talking about your commentary, Griffin. Better step it up.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus definitely slowing down the pace here. Cross Recoba now pulling on Syberus’ ponytail, but Richie Richardson puts a stop to that. Recoba plants his feet and drops Syberus on the back of his head with a saito suplex!
The audience comes to life with a big pop as Syberus sits up in pain and then falls back down. Cross Recoba runs into the ropes and drops an elbow across his chest and makes a cover
…ONE!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba picks him up and nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots!
Syberus recovers in the corner. Recoba moves in on him, but Syberus takes him over into a hip toss. Recoba gets back up and gets immediately arm dragged to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with another lightning fast arm drag. He snap mares Recoba over and applies a front facelock. The last time The Great Syberus was here in Las Vegas was in 2009 when he went to a 30 minute time limit draw teaming with Rally Jackson, defending the Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the late Adrian Tanner Jr. and Andrew Karnage in a steel cage match.
Phillip Blauer: I remember it well, I was just getting over Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift when I heard Jon was leaving the Kate Plus Eight.
The crowd boos as Syberus leans back, locking his hands under his chin and leaning back on Recoba’s head, cutting off his air. Cross Recoba fights his way to his feet, but Syberus is still wearing him down with the front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba backdrops Syberus over his shoulder to escape the facelock!
The jeers turn to cheers as Cross Recoba catches his breath. He irish whips Syberus into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba follows Syberus in with a hard knee into the face!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” then start chanting “CROSS! CROSS! CROSS!” Cross Recoba irish whips Syberus into the ropes and takes him out with a high extension dropkick! The audience applauds the height he got on that
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He slingshots himself over the ropes into an elbow drop across Syberus’ sternum!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba scoops Syberus up but Syberus falls behind him with an inverted facelock, and then drops down into a reverse DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus twists Cross Recoba’s arm and then flips him over with an ippon seoi nage judo toss into a jujigatame!
The fans boo as Syberus rows back on Recoba’s arm with the cross armbar, with his legs holding Cross’ head and chest down. Richie Richardson checks in to see if Recoba wanted to tap out. The fans start chanting “SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS!” One woman in the front row is chanting in Wayne Tanner Jr.’s face and he just tips his hat to her and says “M’am.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba works his way to his feet, but Syberus stays on the mat hanging on to the jujigatame. Cross punches his way out of the armbar! Syberus rolls to his feet, but Cross is still throwing hands! Recoba goes for a kick, but Syberus catches his leg. Cross swings around into an enzuigiri!
The Las Vegas audience lets out another “OH!” as Syberus goes down like a redwood. Syberus tries to get up but Cross Recoba grabs him by his blonde hair and sits out in a facebuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba steps out onto the apron, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle, waiting for Syberus to get to his feet. He hops off with a missile dropkick that catches Syberus right on the button!!
The crowd gives Recoba some more applause for his dropkicks. Recoba pulls him up by his long hair and tries to run his head into the turnbuckles, but Syberus puts his boot up to block it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Instead, Syberus smashes Recoba’s face into the turnbuckle, over and over!
A dazed Cross Recoba staggers back and Syberus catches him from behind with a backcracker! Recoba sits up with his back arched in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a ude garami keylock to Cross Recoba’s elbow and wrist. He clamps down on Recoba’s wrist while trying to twist and hyperextend his elbow.
Referee Richie Richardson asks Recoba but he shakes his head, vehemently refusing. Syberus then makes the cover with his stomach covering Recoba’s face so he can’t get any new air
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Ew. No one wants sweaty wrassler belly in their mouth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to hit him with a forearm, but Cross Recoba ducks it and grabs a rear waistlock. He lifts him into a perfect german suplex with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba scoops Syberus up and then drops down into a shoulderbreaker. Syberus staggers to his feet and is caught from behind with a zig zag!
The fans cheer Cross Recoba wildy and then start chanting “CROSS! CROSS! CROSS!” Cross pulls Syberus up and rolls him around into a hangman’s neckbreaker! Syberus rolls to his side and holds the back of his neck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus catches Recoba coming in with a drop toehold that sends Cross throatfirst into the second rope. Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps onto the small of Recoba’s back, driving his throat into the ropes.
Recoba falls back, clutching his throat and struggling to breathe. Syberus grabs a rear naked choke on Cross Recoba and the T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos
Guillermo O’Bannon: 110% Syberus presses his forearm down across Cross Recoba’s windpipe, while leaning back on his head and neck as Recoba tries to hang on while Syberus tries to put the lights out. You know, Phil, it was in this very town where he successfully defended the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against Marty Donovan in a ladder match in 2006.
Phillip Blauer: Why would I know that? You’re living in the past, man. I have more important things to do, like leaving comments on YouTube videos of teenagers about how they’re behavior are indicators of my generation being morally superior. Have you done this, Garth? It’s exhilarating. Whatever they do, just leave a comment that says “Now change a tire.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Speaking of tires, lest we forget Tanner’s Tires! (reading from copy) “Tanner’s Tires, where we have popcorn machines in the waiting room, so we can focus on delivering our thorough service, and you aren’t incessantly asking our receptionist if your car is done yet. Tanner’s Tires! Tires Run Through The Veins Of The Great American People.”
Phillip Blauer: Don’t they have a special this week that just can’t be beat?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The rumors are true, Phil. When you purchase a car wash, you get, free of charge, three air fresheners that smell like colognes from the early 90s…
Phillip Blauer: If any of them are Drakkar Noir, I am about to make Wayne Tanner Jr. a rich man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba refusing to tap out to the rear naked choke and bridges his legs so that now Syberus’ shoulders are pinned to the mat.
…ONE!
…Syberus releases the rear naked choke!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus irish whips Cross, but Recoba reverses it and catches Syberus with a side suplex with an elbow drop on the way down!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba laces his leg over the back of Syberus’ neck and drops down into a leg drop bulldog!
The fans cheer and Cross Recoba pulls him up and shoots him to the ropes. He ducks under Syberus’ arm, ties up their legs, and then somersaults into a ranhei cradle
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both roll to their feet, but Syberus takes him out with a basement dropkick to his knees. He rolls down his kneepad, and delivers a Muscle Killer kneedrop to Recoba’s knee. Syberus crosses Recoba’s legs and turns him over into a texas cloverleaf!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Syberus plants his feet and sits low on the cloverleaf. Wayner Tanner Jr. gives a “Yee-hah!” on the outside while Tommy Milligan asks if Recoba wants to give it up
Phillip Blauer: God, that was right in my ear!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba crawling towards the ropes while Syberus continues to do as much damage as he can with the cloverleaf.
Cross reaches the ropes and the crowd cheers. Tommy Milligan forces Syberus to release the texas cloverleaf, which Syberus does with an eye roll
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus irish whips him into the ropes, but Cross hops onto the middle of the top rope, turns around and springboard missile dropkicks Syberus!! Wow!
The Las Vegas crowd gives him a huge ovation for that maneuver. Cross pulls Syberus’ head into his legs and lifts him up for a crucifix
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba drops down into a neckbreaker!!
The fans pop as Syberus flops on the mat like a fish out of water. Recoba climbs to the top turnbuckle and then takes flight with a flying elbow
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Recoba irish whips him but Syberus baseball slides under the ropes to the floor. Recoba follows after him, but Syberus pulls out the Tanner’s Tires sponsored ring apron and traps Recoba’s legs in it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus bashes the trapped Cross Recoba with a series of stiff right hands, and then rakes his eyes. He pulls him over towards the audience and then russian leg sweeps the back of his head into the railing!!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Recoba’s skull hitting the steel guardrail. Syberus rolls Cross back into the ropes and then stands on the apron. Recoba gets back to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs Recoba by the arm, but Cross rakes his eyes. He pushes a blinded and off balance Syberus off the apron, and he smacks the railing on the way down!
Phillip Blauer: He had that well scouted from watching tape.
The fans cheer Syberus hitting the railing while Recoba runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus turns around on the floor just as Cross Recoba leaps over the ropes and dropkicks him into the railing!! The Million Lira Dropkick!
The audience leaps to their feet and gives Cross Recoba a thunderous pop as both men lie on the T-Mobile Arena floor, exhausted. The Las Vegas fans chant “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!”
Phillip Blauer: He’s more beloved here than the seafood buffet at Circus, Circus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I do like their jambalaya shrimp skewers.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Cross Recoba now has rolled Syberus up onto the apron and gets up there with him. Some in the audience gasp at the precarious position both men are in, and Cross Recoba grabs the rope and kicks Syberus in the stomach. He lifts Syberus up into a sitout DDT on the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Staten Island Drop!
Phillip Blauer: Right on the Tanner’s Tires apron.
The chants of “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!” are deafening as Syberus holds the top of his head and kicks his toes into the apron in pain. Wayne Tanner Jr. tries to fan him with his cowboy hat but Cross Recoba pulls Syberus off the apron by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with a kick to the knee he was wearing down earlier, and another hard kick to his shin. He smashes Recoba’s face into the apron! Again, he smashes Recoba’s face into that sponsored apron we have tonight.
Wayne Tanner Jr. yells at Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. “Get a good shot of that, ol’ boy!” Syberus rolls Recoba back into the ring and hangs his throat over the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps on the small of Recoba’s back, driving his throat into the middle rope!
The audience boos and starts chanting “SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS!” Syberus looks amused and then flicks his hair out of his eyes and then flips his head back, in mockery of Cross’ entrance and the jeers get louder and louder
Phillip Blauer: Lesser men have killed over a guy stealing their hair flip.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pulls him up and hits him with a stiff right cross.
Phillip Blauer: Apropos.
Syberus cracks him with another left, but Recoba ducks third one and atomic drops him on the steel cable hook behind the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba climbs to the second rope behind him, and hops off, catching Syberus from behind with a reverse hurricanrana off the top rope!!
The audience comes to life as both men lie on the mat in a human car crash. The fans chant “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!” as Cross drapes his arm over Syberus
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba pulls him up into cravate, and then backflips behind him with a sitout shirunai!! The Sicilian Typewriter! He cradles the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Syberus kicks out!
The Las Vegas audience lets out a loud “NO!!” of disappointment as Cross Recoba sits up in disbelief.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Syberus’ head into his legs, and lifts him up into a powerbomb, but Syberus rolls out into a diamond cutter!!
The air gets taken out of The T-Mobile Arena and you can hear a pin drop. Wayne Tanner Jr. begins pounding one the Tanner’s Tires ring apron to wake up Syberus so he can cover Recoba
Phillip Blauer: This Vegas crowd looks shocked and sad like when one of those guys dressed as Spider Man to take pictures with tourists gets hit by a cab on The Strip. Not happy like when it happens to the guys dressed as Joker.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a half nelson hammerlock European Three Quarter Nelson! He pushes Recoba’s chin into his chest with one hand, while pulling up on Recoba’s chicken winged arm with his other arm.
The boos rain down as Syberus tries to finish off Recoba with the European Three Quarter Nelson. Tommy Milligan checks in with Cross but he shakes his head, grunting refusals through gritted teeth
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba backpedals into the corner and smashes Syberus’ back in the turnbuckles to escape the European Three Quarter Nelson. But Syberus turns around and kicks Recoba in the stomach. He grabs him in a facelock and rolls around into a swinging neckbreaker!
Cross Recoba sits up, his hair drenched in sweat, clutching the back of his neck. Syberus, wary of the time limit, immediately pulls him up to his feet. He scoops Recoba up but Cross falls behind him with an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba lifts him up and over into an osaka street cutter!! The Skim! He hooks the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba goes for a suplex, but Syberus rolls back into an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…(Cross Recoba rolls the cradle over)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba holding on to the ropes!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, come on!
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect plays as Cross Recoba rolls out of the ring into the arms of his adoring fans. Syberus kicks the bottom rope and argues with Tommy Milligan who keeps pointing to his own eyes
Greg Jin: “At 27 minutes 7 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…CROSS RECOBA!!!”
Phillip Blauer: Here in front of his hometown, Tap Out CEO Cross Recoba scores a clean win over the 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He had the ropes!
Phillip Blauer: You can’t hold the ropes? Show me where it says that? What if there was an earthquake?
Guillermo rummages around for the rulebook while Cross Recoba is at ringside getting his hand raised by Tommy Milligan. An exhausted Syberus stands in the ring with his hands on his hips as Recoba walks to the back, getting back pats from well wishers
Guillermo O’Bannon: I had it here, just for such an occasion and…anyway, folks. Cross Recoba has nonetheless defeated Syberus in this dream match, which surely puts him in contention for a shot at Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan at a later date.
Phillip Blauer: Wait, what?
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right.
Phillip Blauer: But he had the ropes!
Fade to backstage. Kilroy Evans is whispering with Hardkore Audio Kenny Valentine Jr. Kilroy hands him some money which Kenny takes quickly and stuffs in his pocket. Kenny Valentine Jr. nods at Kilroy and then turns around and leaves. Kilroy grins widely as he to his dressing room
Guillermo O’Bannon: What was that about?
Phillip Blauer: Knowing those two? Kilroy probably lost big at the pig races this weekend and is in hock to Kenny twenty large.
Fade out to commercial. We see Phil Blauer lounging shirtless in his pool as two swans swim around him.
Phil: Greetings, global icon Phil Blauer here. You know, next to my luscious head of hair, there is nothing I care more about in the world than my two swans. Oh, maybe my wife? I’ll have to think about it more. Regardless, I’ve always found pet stores to be heartbreaking. No matter which one I went to, the animals always seemed terrified and depressed. It’s clear what was happening, they were all jealous of my designer suits.
(The shot changes to Phil in a pet store. All the employees and shoppers are naked.)
Phil: That is why I’ve started Paw Naturel, Palm Springs’ only clothing optional pet store. Now all the rabbits and cats can rest easy in their tiny cages, not having to be confused by human constructs like nudity, shame, and low rise jeans.
(We see Marty Donovan standing by a table with a stack of headshots. He is naked except for the Hardkore World championship worn around his waist. A naked fan waits in line while a stressed Marty takes a phone call, yelling faintly being heard through the speaker.)
Phil: We’re more than pale flesh and milk bones here. We often have meet and greets with Hardkore World legends like Disney’s Marty Donovan!
Marty: Babe, you’re being ridiculous. Phil just said he needed an appearance at his struggling pet store. I never would have agreed if he told me the gimmick. Listen, they sell chameleons here. Do you want me to buy you a Pascal?
(The yelling continues and Marty rolls his eyes. He mouths a silent apology to the fan.)
Marty: Sweetie, the only thing this scene attracts are 65 year old, Portuguese men. I’ve seen zero naked women today. No, I do not sound disappointed!
(The shot changes to a nude man in a tie speaking to a group of naked senior citizens in the aquarium area.)
Phil: We’ve also had political speakers like the U.S. Representative for the 25th District, Raul Ruiz!
Raul Ruiz: We have an obligation to take care of our seniors and ensure they receive the benefits they have earned. These critical programs are commitments we have made to retirees, and I will oppose any effort that would cut these hard-earned benefits.
(The senior citizens applaud him. We see a naked Phil with numerous exotic birds perched on his head and arms.)
Phil: So come on down to Paw Naturel. It gives a new meaning to cock of the walk!
(The bird on Phil’s head starts pecking and the commentator freaks out. He flails around widely as the birds freak out.
Open up at Hardkore headquarters, The Office, in Palm Springs, California. Little Dragon is seated across from Judy Valentine Jr. in her cubicle of the open floor plan. She has a sign on her wall that says “I Should Have Invested In Tennis Balls, They Have A High Rate Of Return!” Judy is checking her glasses and checking the computer
Judy Valentine Jr.: …
Little Dragon shifts uncomfortably in his chair while Judy mutters under her breath
Judy Valentine Jr.: Sorry this is taking so long. Ok, so did you still want to be on your parents insurance?
Little Dragon: Actually I have insurance already and I am fully covered…
Judy Valentine Jr.: Great, then let me just look them up. That’s Dragon Belt…all one word?
Little Dragon: You need not worry since I am still fully covered and it's Little Dragon.
Judy Valentine Jr.: No, I know, hon, I mean your Daddy and he’s not coming up. That’s weird.
Little Dragon: Is this an outdated model that you are using?
The phone rings
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m so sorry. Hang on.
Little Dragon: You have a call if it's important to Hardkore World's operations.
Judy answers the phone
Judy Valentine Jr.: Yello? Oh, hey Carol.
Judy puts her hand over the phone
Judy Valentine Jr.: It’s Carol from Finance.
Little Dragon: Of course.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Uh huh. Uh huh.
Judy laughs loudly and for a long time. Little Dragon looks around the office, bored
Judy Valentine Jr.: (wipes a tear) Ok, ok. Carol. I gotta go, I got him right here. We need to get lunch sometime again soon. Ok? Ok. I’ll see you.
Judy hangs up
Little Dragon: So you must have heard something quite funny.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I hate her guts.
Little Dragon: Do you both wish an autograph since I'm here?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Aw, bless your heart. Sure! Can you make one say “To Judy, You put the ‘talent’ in Talent Relations”, and the other says “To Carol, my second favorite person in The Office.”
Little Dragon nods
Judy Valentine Jr.: So Carol says the reason I’m not finding your father’s insurance plan is because we don’t offer you health insurance of any kind. Sorry you had to come all the way down here. Sour Patch Children? They’re the generic knockoff brand but you can hardly taste the difference as long as you stay away from green.
Little Dragon: I could have told you that since I already had my own insurance. I shall take my leave since my training schedule is tight but I shall send you and Carol autographed photos of me. I hope you have a great rest of the day.
Judy holds out a bowl of Sour Patch Children
Little Dragon: I’m afraid my strict diet will not allow me even one Sour Patch Child.
Fade back to the T-Mobile Arena, open on the ring with several ladders standing up underneath the Hardkore World Tag Team titles hung by a hook, Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. then fades back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is the next installment of this violent feud between The Anointed and The Society of the New Breed. Last month in Albuquerque, The Society of the New Breed retained their titles in a six man tornado match when Wayne Tanner Jr. returned and gave Alexander Von Blankenship a boot to the head to allow Syberus to make the pinfall. Now it’s “The Punisher” Dan Stein returning to the ring, teaming with “High Roller” Wesley Crane to take on Tuxedo Mask and Kilroy Evans in a ladder match for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles. N
Phillip Blauer: Who will return this week? Is it the Microshocker? Bobby Nowa? Or AWS Man? Oh, no wait, he died.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think AWS Man is still alive.
Phillip Blauer: Who am I thinking of? (snaps) The Pope.
The T-Mobile Arena darkens, and three heartbeats are heard.
Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again. But instead of the usual “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie, “Nobody Likes Me” by The Northern Boys plays
Phillip Blauer: What is this? Why are these old men yelling at me?
Guillermo O’Bannon: This may have been what that little transaction between Kilroy and Hardkore Audio Technician Kenny Valentine Jr. was about earlier.
Phillip Blauer: Are you kidding me? It’s that easy to pierce the inner sanctum that is the bond between pro wrestlers and their audio techs? Is corruption suddenly a part of professional wrestling?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Umm…
A pissed off “The Punisher” Dan Stein and Wesley Crane walk out through the curtain wearing sunglasses. The Anointed shake it off as Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone while Stein still has a scowl on his face. Crane lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin. Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots, and his elbow taped. Stein brings a worn, taped up black club called the Peacemaker with him as well
Phillip Blauer: As they block out this noise Kilroy paid Kenny to play, here they are, Gracie. The next great tag team of the sport. The Lightning Express, Tekno Team 2000, The Baldies. I’ve seen them all. But Dan Stein and Niles Crane?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane.
Phillip Blauer: Wesley Crane? You’re talking power, high flying, and a High Roller going all in for the Hardkore World tag team titles in Vegas!
Crane and Stein slowly make their way down to the ring with Wesley looking around at the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: This will be Wesley Crane’s first ladder match, with his partner and opponents being decorated veterans of ladder matches.
Phillip Blauer: Egads, is that really a thing?
Guillermo O’Bannon: However, Dan Stein is well versed in ladder matches and is hoping to try some stuff with Tuxedo Mask, and is also hoping to get Kilroy’s attention by taking the Hardkore World Tag Team Titles from them. This is the town where he won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship from Lucifer Jones in a hair vs. title match in 2006.
Once they’re ringside, Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring with Dan Stein.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is predicting a big night for The Anointed. He was undefeated until just recently when he lost a Wrestle UK title match to Billy Fowler at New Year’s Brawl in Glasgow, Scotland. He has to try and shake that loss off and focus on two very dangerous opponents in two time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Kilroy Evans and former Hardkore Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask with an unfamiliar partner in “The Punisher” Dan Stein. This is Stein’s first title match since returning to the ring, and as much as he pretends that doesn’t effect him, that has to be in the back of his mind.
Greg Jin: “The following is a Ladder Match for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship! 30 Minute Time Limit, Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 pounds, He is the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner…’HIGH ROLLER’ WESLEY CRANE!! His partner is from Murder City, Detroit, Michigan; He Stands 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; A former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, He is Dan The Man…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!! They are THE ANOINTED!!!”
The Las Vegas audience boos loudly as Wesley Crane stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open while Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker
Then "Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays and the fans jump to their feet! The Hardkore World Tag Team Champions Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask walk out through the curtain. Tux walks to one side of the ramp and soaks in the cheers of the T-Mobile Arena
Phillip Blauer: And there he is, the proud owner of a new donkey. Again.
Tuxedo Mask walks to the other side of the ramp and motions for the crowd to get louder while Kilroy Evans walks to the ring in a relaxed pace
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask know they are against a tough pair of Dan Stein and Wesley Crane but Kilroy says they are betting on themselves here in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: I suspect they’ll be coming up snake eyes against the High Roller and The Punisher.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Dan Stein and Kilroy Evans were in Las Vegas together was when they teamed together in a a wargames match in 2009 with Dougie Ray Bullet, Poke the Clown and Cecil Kennedy as The Manhattan Project and they lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles to The Untouchable Highlights of Humanity: "Platinum" Pat Bozzini, Ken Shiro, Requiem, Legacy, and Aaron Rupp.
Kilroy Evans slaps some fans hands in the aisleway. Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to pop the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wow!
Phillip Blauer: I see he’s cleaned himself up since that drunken embarrassment last month in Albuquerque.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Indeed. Clear headed in Las Vegas, ironically. The Society of the New Breed hoping to take out The Anointed for good in this match with Tuxedo Mask’s ability to fly with that ladder, and Kilroy’s proclivity for violence.
Kilroy Evans points to a sign that says “Where’s Domino?” in the crowd as Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for some more love and affection from the Las Vegas fans. Once Kilroy Evans is in the ring, he's still all smiles, but is completely focused on Dan Stein and Wesley Crane
Greg Jin: “And their opponents, From Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure...TUXEDO MASK!!! From Attbury, South Carolina; He stands at 5 feet 11 inches; and He is the Undisputed Owner of Dinky The Mule, The Attbury Assassin….KILROY EVANS!! They are the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
The Las Vegas fans let out a thunderous pop as Kilroy Evans locks eyes with Dan Stein, never blinking
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane pops Kilroy Evans with a right hand, while Dan Stein hammers Tuxedo Mask with a forearm. Stein smashes Tux with another hard forearm to the back.
Wesley Crane pops Evans between the eyes with a jab. Tuxedo Mask grabs Stein with a side headlock. The 5’8, 185 pound Tux confidently cranks that headlock on the 6’7 Dan Stein as the crowd buzzes with worry
Phillip Blauer: Oh, he thinks he’s got this.
Unbeknownst to Tux, Dan Stein puts up one finger to the audience. Tuxedo Mask smiles as he gives another turn on the headlock. Wesley Crane boots Kilroy in the stomach
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane with an elbow to Kilroy’s back. Meanwhile, Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask’s foot and lifts him up into a shinbreaker atomic drop!
The fans boo as Tuxedo Mask hobbles off to the mat. Kilroy Evans snap mares Wesley Crane to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein smashes Kilroy with a forearm to the chest. He grabs Evans by the wrist and irish whips him into one of the ladders in the corner!!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Kilroy hitting the steel ladder. Wesley Crane rocks Tuxedo Mask with a european uppercut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane hits Tuxedo Mask with another european uppercut. On the side of the ring, Dan Stein now stomping Kilroy Evans into that ladder!
Dan Stein stomps Evans again, driving him into that ladder. Wesley Crane goes for a suplex, but Tuxedo Mask blocks it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask snap suplexes Wesley Crane hard to the mat. “The Punisher” Dan Stein is choking Kilroy Evans with his boot as Evans is laid out against the ladder leaning in the corner!
Kilroy Evans’ eyes are bugging out of their sockets as Dan Stein uses all of his 285 pounds to step on Evans’ windpipe. Tuxedo Mask kisses his own fist and hits Dan Stein with a big haymaker of his own! Dan Stein no-sells it and the cheers turn to jeers
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think Tux dented his mustache.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask by the lapels and tosses him into Kilroy Evans on the ladder leaning in the corner!!
The Las Vegas fans let out another “OH!!” Wesley Crane stomps both Tux and Kilroy against the ladder until they both fall down to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pulls Kilroy Evans up but Kilroy grabs two handfuls of his hair and headbutts him. Dan Stein applies an abdominal stretch on Tuxedo Mask. With his height advantage, this is especially painful for poor Tux.
Kilroy Evans gives Wesley Crane another headbutt. Dan Stein plants his foot and leans back on the abdominal stretch, making Tux cry out in pain. Evans scoops Wesley Crane and then drops him into a shoulderbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans goes over and kicks Stein in the kidneys to break up the abdominal stretch he had on Tuxedo Mask. Dan Stein staggers back and Tuxedo Mask whacks him upside the head with an enzuigiri kick!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a loud “OH!” Tux follows it up with a roundhouse kick, but Dan Stein still stands! The impressed crowd buzzes while Dan pounds his chest
Phillip Blauer: These are mosquito bites for Dan Stein.
Kilroy Evans grabs one of the ladders and leans it against the turnbuckle while Tux begs off from an angry Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein lifts Tuxedo Mask up high for the chokeslam, but Tux lands on the middle of the top rope. He tightrope walks into a hurricanrana on Dan Stein!!
The fans cheer as Dan Stein pounds the mat in frustration and gets right back up. Kilroy Evans pulls Wesly Crane up, but he grabs Kilroy and hits him with a double knee to the face
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask presses him high over his head!
Phillip Blauer: That’s like a gallon of milk for Dan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stien tosses Tux over the top rope to the floor below!! Wesley Crane lifts Kilroy Evans up into a suplex, but drops him on his head with a brainbuster!
The Las Vegas crowd jeers as Tuxedo Mask tries to collect himself on the floor. Dan Stein picks Kilroy Evans up into a bearhug. He locks his hands together against the small of Evans’ back and uses his body to crush Kilroy’s ribs and prevent him from getting much air
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane lands some well placed right hands on Kilroy while he’s helpless in Dan Stein’s bearhug. Kilroy has incredibly lost the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship twice in this town. Once In 2007, in another ladder match with Adrian Tanner Jr. and Andrew Karnage as The Un-Stable to Cobryn, James Fierce and Vincen Silvestri as The Next Chapter. And then again in 2005, when he, Hero and Andrew Karnage as The Unstable lost them to the Tengu Clan.
Kilroy cries out in pain as Dan Stein clamps down on the bearhug. Suddenly Hardkore Security grabs Tuxedo Mask and rams him shoulder first into the ringpost!! The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos
Guillermo O’Bannon: What the hell??
Phillip Blauer: It appears that Hardkore Security mistook Tuxedo Mask for a deranged fan and neutralized him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?
Tuxedo Mask lies on the arena floor clutching his shoulder, screaming in pain
Phillip Blauer: Overzealous security. Happens all the time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane starts setting up the ladder underneath the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Here we go!
The Hardkore Security guard has his back to the camera as his pushes his finger in his ear piece, talking to the production truck. His jacket says “Lare Bear”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wait, I know that jacket! That’s head of Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr.!
Phillip Blauer: You sure? There’s a lot of guys called Lare Bear.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane now climbing up that ladder! Kilroy Evans headbutts Dan Sten over and over, until he is free of the bearhug! Kilroy Evans grabs Wesley Crane from behind and plucks him off the ladder with a german suplex!!
The Las Vegas crowd celebrates with relief but Kilroy Evans turns around into a discus clothesline by Dan Stein! Then the crowd erupts as Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr. start walking down to the ring
Phillip Blauer: What are they doing down here? Can something not be about Syberus for a few minutes?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fellow Society of the New Breed members Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr down at ringside to investigate the situation. Inside the ring, Dan Stein lifts Kilroy Evans up into a suplex and just holds him up there.
The audience jeers while Wesley Crane lies a ladder down on the mat. After letting all the blood drain to his head, Stein finally drops Kilroy in the suplex. Syberus goes to question the Hardkore Security guard, who backpedals into Wayne Tanner Jr. Tanner grabs the jacket and tears it off, along with the hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Disney’s Marty Donovan!
Phillip Blauer: (unconvincing) What? Why is he wearing Larry’s coat? That’s weird, right? Maybe Marty is filling in for Larry’s shift so Larry can hit the tables? Guy’s kind of a degenerate…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus lighting into Marty Donvoan!
The T-Mobile Arena erupts while Wayne Tanner Jr. and Syberus are taking turns beating Marty up and down the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: Someone get security!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, Dan Stein irish whips Kilroy into Wesley who spinebusters him onto a ladder!!
Kilroy Evans arches his back in pain. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. finally shows up and unsuccessfully tries to contain the brawl between Marty, Wayne and Syberus on the ramp. Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. and Kelly O’Connell check on Tuxedo Mask, who seems immobilized
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask has not moved since who we now know as Disney’s Marty Donovan, rammed his shoulder into the cornerpost.
Phillip Blauer: A casualty of good security gone awry.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans fighting a handicap match now. Wesley Crane moves in, but Kilroy Evans drop toeholds Crane face first into the ladder!!
The crowd reacts with delight as Crane clutches his face and kicks his toes into the mat in pain. Out in the crowd, Wayne Tanner Jr. bashes Marty in the face, and Marty runs out through the merchandise tables
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tanner and Syberus giving chase to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion! Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans gives Dan Stein a roundhouse kick!
Phillip Blauer: “The Punisher” Dan Stein no-sells it!
The audience groans, Kilroy sighs, and Dan Stein drops down into a fujiwara armbar. At ringside, Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. has loaded Tuxedo Mask on a stretcher
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein pulls up on Kilroy’s arm and shoulder, nearly standing on the mat with his trapped shoulder. Wesley Crane stomping and kicking Evans as well. Tuxedo Mask now being taken off on the stretcher, and Kilroy is officially alone in this Hardkore World Tag Team Title defense.
The fans boo Tux being carried away while The Anointed are double teaming Kilroy Evans in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: This seems to be the well crafted plot of The Anointed to steal the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Just another bad luck story in Sin City for The Society of the New Breed if you ask me.
The Las Vegas crowd suddenly comes to life as someone is making their way to ringside
Phillip Blauer: Now who in the dickens is that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Is that Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen??
Phillip Blauer: It can’t be. (puts his glasses on)
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen pats Tuxedo Mask on the gurney as he walks by and Tux nods. Then he turns and tries to stop him but the EMTs walk Tux’s stretcher to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen hits a confused Dan Stein with a european uppercut. He catches an oncoming Wesley Crane with a clothesline.
Phillip Blauer: Who is letting him do this? Didn’t he set up the ring?
Van Thijmen dropkicks Dan Stien who backs up a few steps. Dirk van Thijmen irish whips Wesley Crane into the ropes and hits him with a Polish hammer, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: Where is security?? (whimpers) Lare Bear???
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein is about to get his hands on Dirk van Thijmen, but Kilroy Evans starts biting him!!
The fans erupt as Stein screams in pain. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen grabs Crane by the legs and slingshots him into the ladder!! Las Vegas cheers the sound of Crane’s head hitting the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans full nelsons Dan Stein and then pitches him facefirst into the ladder with a reverse russian legsweep!!
Dan Stein clutches his face and rolls around the mat while Kilroy Evans rolls under the ring. Kilroy ducks his head under the Tanner’s Tires ring apron and pulls out Christmas presents
Phillip Blauer: Is that where I left Dorothy’s present?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure who those are, but Kilroy unwraps one and it is a super soaker!
Phillip Blauer: Never mind, some divorced dad must have left those under there in the 90s.
Kilroy Evans tosses the supersoaker to Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen in the ring and the crowd cheers
Phillip Blauer: Good gracious, don’t arm him!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Glorious Wolf squirts Wesley Crane who looks pretty annoyed but otherwise unharmed.
Wesley Crane looks revolted as he starts smelling something
Phillip Blauer: What is that? Holy smokes, you don’t think Kilroy just poisoned Wesley or something? It could be anything!
Wesley Crane: Was that water? What was that?
Dirk van Thijmen shrugs and Crane continues to sniff to figure out what he got sprayed with. On the outside of the ring, Kilroy whistles and tries to walk away
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Kilroy Evans around the throat and lifts him up in the air with both arms, throttling Kilroy Evans!!
Phillip Blauer: What is that smell?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s asparagus water, alright?
Phillip Blauer: Don’t give me that. Kilroy hasn’t touched an asparagus as long as he’s lived.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein drops Kilroy Evans on the concrete with a sit-out chokeslam!!
The audience winces. Wesley Crane asks Stein if he can smell him to see what he has on him, but Stein puts up both hands as a sign that he was on his own
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane charges in but Dirk catches him with a spin kick!
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen irish whips Crane into the ropes and goes for a flying forearm but Crane catches him in mid-air with a jumping european uppercut!! Dan Stein rolls into the ring and sets up a ladder in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein irish whips van Thijmen into the ladder!! He comes over and drives his shoulder into Glorious Wolf over and over, ramming van Thijmen’s back into the ladder as well!
The T-Mobile Center boos. Kilroy climbs back into the ring but he walks right into Wesley Crane who lifts him up on his shoulders
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane runs into a death valley driver on Kilroy! He backs up and spears van Thijmen into that ladder!!
The crowd lets out a loud “OH!” Dan Stein knocks down the ladder, and hits Kilroy Evans with a headbutt, another headbutt, and another. He sits out into a facebuster on the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Detroit Hangover on the ladder!! In 2006, this is the city where he successfully defended his Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship over the late Adrian Tanner Jr.
Phillip Blauer: 17 years later it’ll be the city where he loses the Hardkore World Tag Team titles to The Anointed.
Kilroy Evans rolls out of the ring, Dan Stein sticks his head between van Thinjman’s legs, then lifts him up on his back. Stein flips him forward for an alabama slam!! Wesley Crane puts the ladder underneath the belts
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane now climbing up to get the belts!
Kilroy Evans unwraps another present under the ring and it’s a brick with eyeballs, hair, arms and legs glued on
Phillip Blauer: Why it’s a Mr. Potatobrick! I had one of those as a lad, when my parents didn’t make enough at the lye factory to afford a real…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy chicks it into the ring and hits Wesley Crane in the head, knocking him off the ladder!!
Phillip Blauer: They are not to be thrown! It says very clearly on the box!
Wesley Crane lies on the mat, seeing stars. Kilroy Evans climbs back into the ring and starts climbing up the ladder, but “The Punisher” Dan Stein climbs up the other side
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy reaches out for those belts, but Dan Stein grabs him in a guillotine choke on the top of the ladder!!
The T Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Stein uses all of his 285 pounds and gravity to put pressure on Kilroy’s head and neck, both men perilously on the top of the cage
Phillip Blauer: Kilroy is out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: You might be right, now all Dan Stein has to do is reach up and…Dirk van Thijmen tipped over the cage with both men on it!!
The crowd roars and three men are laid out in the middle of the ring. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen looks up at the belts and gets an idea, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: No…No, no, no…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes! Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen now setting up that ladder, and he is climbing up towards the Hardkore World Tag Team title belts! But someone stops him!
Phillip Blauer: Yes!
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Tuxedo Mask!
The fans cheer and Tuxedo Mask explains that he’s ok to continue with the match to a confused Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen
Phillip Blauer: How many members is this team allowed to have Kelly??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now it’s back to two, and Tuxedo Mask climbs up to the top of the ladder with only one arm, but Wesley Crane runs up the ladder on the other side and hits him in the face with his v trigger knee In The Face!!
Tuxedo Mask falls to the mat like a fallen tree!! Wesley Crane steadies himself on the top of the ladder as Kilroy Evans begins climbing up the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane reaches up and grabs the Hardkore World Tag Team belts as Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell!
Phillip Blauer: Hot dog!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Society of the New Breed might have won the match, but Tuxedo Mask wanted to be the one that did it, and it may have cost them the tag team titles!
“I’m So Paid’ by Akon plays as Wesley Crane drops down to his feet with the Hardkore World Tag Team titles. He hands one to Dan Stein who holds it over his head, roaring at the booing crowd
Greg Jin: “At 24 Minutes 26 Seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE ANOINTED!!!”
Phillip Blauer: That’s what you get for having a narcissist on the team, but never mind that, look at how that belt looks on Wesley Crane!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan injured Tuxedo Mask to take him out of the mat. Luckily, or maybe oddly, Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen decided to take Tuxedo Mask’s place.
Phillip Blauer: Which needs to be looked at by the Hardkore World Competition Committee. You can just have any Dutch guy substitute for you. Right?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, Phil but ultimately it wasn’t successful and the new team of “The Punisher” Dan Stein and Wesley Crane are the new Hardkore World Tag Team Champions. These two have the ability to be a dominant tag team here on the West Coast, and now every member of The Anointed has gold.
Phillip Blauer: (slings his Hardkore Journalist title belt over his shoulder) Boy howdy.
Phil pats his belt while Wesley Crane and Dan Stein stand on the second turnbuckles with the Hardkore World Tag Team titles strapped around their waist. Kilroy Evans and Dirk “Glorious Wold” van Thijmen help Tuxedo Mask to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: But we’ll see if The Anointed can add the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship to their stable as our main event is coming up fans, don’t go away!
The Las Vegas crowd jeers as Wesley Crane pose with Crane’s arms wide open, and Stein with the Hardkore World Tag Team title belt held over his head as we face to commercial
A sub-urban mom is shown cooking breakfast at the stove, and she turns with a bright smile as she flips some eggs onto a plate.
Mom: Who wants some eggs?
At the table her child looks up clad in black, he frowns as he slams a hand down on the table. The silverware clatters, and he leans forward as he half rises from the table with a hiss.
Kid: Eggs? Our world drifts further and further into the Abyss, and you ask me about eggs? The sport of Kings is under siege by bad comedy and mediocrity! Eggs, you say?
Mom stares, her head tilting as she looks at the plate in confusion.
Mom: They’re sunny side up?
The hand slams down again!
Kid: Sunny side up!?! This world is our prison! We are meant to be gods! Sunny side up, eh?
– Do they need to always dress in black or red?
Two girls are seen shopping in the mall, one of them holds up a pretty pink dress. She holds it against herself, and the other girl nods. Then a third girl sticks her head up, and frowns.
Girl: Pink? What are you some kind of degenerate? The world is falling into the Void, and you want to wear pink?
The girls look confused.
– Obsessed with skulls?
A kid is seen sitting in his room, holding a skull in his hand as he leans back at his desk. The room is lined with skulls, and skull masks as he shrugs before tossing the skull onto the bed. His dad sticks his head in the door, and smiles.
Dad: Winning, champ?
Kid: What are wins and losses in the face of the Void, old man? We are already dead.
– Do they hate Steve Awesome, Death Trap, and Spike Kane?
Kids are shown sitting at kindergarten, holding toys as one of the young boys stands before them. The teacher smiles as he holds up a Death Trap action figure complete with little hat. He stammers, and holds it up.
Boy: My favorite wrestler is Death Trap, and–
A toy flies from the back of the room, cracking into his chest to knock him to the floor with a thump. The camera turns to show a girl clad in black standing over another kid who is blinking back tears as she points.
Girl: Damn you! Death Trap is an abomination! And his tiny hat, bah!
Teacher: Emily!
Girl: My name is Amaris now! And he ruined that toy by removing it from it’s original packaging!
The teacher gapes, and then frowns.
Teacher: I am calling your mother.
Girl: Empty Night.
– They exhibit a strange love hate relationship with Bloodied Fox.
A guy sits in the darkness, staring at a poster of Fox then he stands up with a shrug. He walks for the bathroom, pausing to drag a sock from his drawer and grabbing a bottle of lotion from the dresser. He pauses at the door, staring back at it before he snarls.
Guy: I hate you!
The door slam shut.
When the makers of The Haunted Mall, voted the third best haunted house in a mall in Palm Springs, decided to extend their lease through the Christmas season with Krampos, many wondered if we were just trying to squeeze more money out of a fairly seasonal concept. But now, we are proud to announce we have paid for a year long lease so there can be haunted houses all year round. It never has to go away! Introducing Fear Year Round!
Like a Martin Luther King Day haunted house!
“I have a dream! But also very scary nightmares!”
The Valentine’s Date…From Hell!
Our St. Patrick’s Day!
Leprechaun: It’ll be a Sunday, Bloody Sunday!
When Spring comes, we’re even gonna pay the mall Easter bunny to a shift where he chases you at the end with a chainsaw
On Cinco De Mayo, you wear an El Santo mask and try to get away from Vampire Women, played by the girls from Hot Dog on a Stick
Fade back to the T-Mobile Center
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is our main event! XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter puts his championship on the line against Disney’s Marty Donovan. In Santa Fe, Marty once again tried to get out of working a house show by having an invalid Phil wrestle for him.
Phillip Blauer: Just happy to help.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter found Marty out in the crowd in disguise, and forced him to wrestle Sugar Daddy.
Phillip Blauer: Whom he was not prepared for. One doesn’t just waltz into a match with Sugar Daddy willy nilly.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan was surely embarrassed by that showing and looking for some revenge on Eron for that. Where as Eron Hunter is looking to have his first successful title defense of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship over the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.
“When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays and the audience boos. A sweaty “The Punisher” Dan Stein steps out with the Hardkore World Tag Team title belt slung over his shoulder, and “High Roller” Wesley Crane walks out with his championship wrapped around his waist and a towel around his neck. Stein makes sure it’s safe, and then waves on Disney’s Marty Donovan. Donovan walks out dressed as a Na’vi from Avatar
Phillip Blauer: Wow, would you look at that? I gotta say I am excited about this picture series. I loved the first one. It was a lot like Dances with Wolves. I haven’t seen the latest one but it looks a lot like Water World. I would imagine the third one will be like The Postman. And the fourth would have to be like Draft Day.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, Disney’s Marty Donovan is in the unusual position of challenger tonight. Looking to become the first Hardkore World representative to win an XHF Championship.
Phillip Blauer: And it appears Marty has been sticking to his diet to make the Junior Heavyweight division. Look at those blue abs!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein leads the way down the aisle, smacking away fans trying to touch the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. Marty looks at them with disdain while Wesley Crane pats him on the shoulder giving him encouragement
‘
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan says that he should have been the one that Eron grew up idolizing, instead of Andrew Karnage, Kilroy Evans and Syberus.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, and he wants to beat some respect into him as only a proud Navy can.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Na’vi.
Phillip Blauer: Beg your pardon?
Marty Donovan steps through the ropes and stands in the middle of the ring, a spotlight hitting him and shimmering off his impressive na’vi body paint. “The Punisher” Dan Stein folds his arms behind him while Wesley Crane points to Donovan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane won the Hardkore World Tag Team titles earlier tonight, can Marty Donovan make it a clean sweep?
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the T-Mobile Center explodes! Eron Hunter steps through the curtain with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship slung over the right
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is. He’s running out of places to hold championship belts.
Phillip Blauer: (mockingly) “He’s running out of places to hold championship belts”. Just put his mask on, why don’t you?
Guillermo O’Bannon: In November, Eron Hunter defeated Daigo and Arakawa to win the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship in Liverpool, England and now he makes his first title defense here against the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. You can’t ask for better competition than that.
Eron Hunter slaps the fans hands as he walks to the ring, determinedly looking at Marty Donovan dressed as a na’vi in the ring with “High Roller” Wesley Crane and “The Punisher” Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter says it’s not that he doesn’t respect Marty, he does. He has watched Marty wrestle for over 15 years. What he doesn’t respect is the way Marty has won his matches as of late.
Phillip Blauer: They don’t put how you won the match in the record books.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes they do. Check Hardkore World’s title history page on the website.
Phillip Blauer: Jumping Jehosaphat, is that true?
Hunter gets up on the apron, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein attempts to intimidate him by not letting him get into the ring. Wesley Crane yammers at Hunter, standing directly behind Stein
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man making his presence known.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan thankfully getting some early control of this match, before it even begins and backs Dan off so Eron can enter the ring.
Eron Hunter gets up on the second rope and holds up his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and his Hardkore West Coast Championship in his arms as he soaks in the roar of the Las Vegas crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter has been red hot lately, taking on all comers like The Sheik in that bloody cage match in that Hardkore West Coast title defense in Albuquerque and Juliana DiMaria in Scotland. Now he has to try and defeat the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion where his belt is the one that’s on the line.
The bell rings and a spotlight hits Greg Jin in the center of the ring. Tommy Milligan stands behind him
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, this is the Main Event of the Evening!”
The Vegas crowd gives a loud ovation
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first; He is accompanied to the ring by The Anointed! Hailing from the Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida. Standing 6 feet and weighing 208 pounds; Representing Disney Plus who asks you to watch Star Wars: The Bad Batch, streaming this February, The HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!”
The T-Mobile Center jeers and boos
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Huge pop for Eron Hunter as he hands both his championship belts to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. “The Punisher” Dan Stein gives Marty some last minute advice as he nods
XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t believe this, Marty trying to buy the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship from Eron Hunter before this match even begins.
Phillip Blauer: Why not? Do you know what a night off in Vegas is worth?
Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. accidentally flashes a lower third that says “Kalmin Watts vs. Little Dragon” on the screen
Guillermo O’Bannon: We appear to have a technical difficulty here, that is not the match we’re watching. Danny?
The lower third disappears and Eron Hunter shakes his head and rocks Marty Donovan with a kick to the gut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter cannot be bought off and is now hammering Marty Donovan with those european uppercuts
Phillip Blauer: He could have bought a lot of catnip with that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter backing Donovan into the ropes some european uppercuts and then shoots him into the ropes. He takes him out with a dropkick!
The fans cheer and Donovan sputters backwards as he tries to get up and Hunter hits him with a roundhouse kick! Donovan jumps out of the ring into the waiting arms of Dan Stein, who he hugs for comfort, drawing boos from the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan getting out of there and I don’t blame him.
Phillip Blauer: Now why are they booing him for hugging Dan? He gives the best hugs. Like a big barrel chested teddy bear. I hope to enjoy one, one day.
Eron Hunter motions for Marty Donovan to get back in the ring while Tommy Milligan holds him back. Donovan waves them both away while Dan Stein whispers some ideas in his ear
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan now back on the apron and demanding that he be given the room that Dan Stein didn’t give Hunter earlier before the match.
Phillip Blauer: Dan can stand anywhere he wants. You tell him to move.
Marty Donovan: “Get him back, Tommy!”
The fans chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” Marty Donovan drops to the floor, and Dan Stein cover his ears
Phillip Blauer: It bears repeating. We have the worst fans in the country,
Guillermo O’Bannon:We’re sorry, fans, Phil is kind of grandfathered in here.
Marty Donovan shakes his head while Dan Stein continues to shield him from the the “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” chants
Wesley Crane: “Tell them to shut up, Tommy!”
Tommy Milligan shrugs as the fans continue to chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Marty was here in Vegas was in 2009 when he successfully defended his Hardkore America Championship over Roscoe Law. But now, finally, Marty Donovan tries to shake it off and climbs back up to the apron. Eron Hunter pulling on the top rope and slingshotting Marty back in!
Phillip Blauer: Come on!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter snap suplexes him over and grabs a sleeper hold. Hunter grounding Marty early here, trying to sap some of his strength.
Marty claws the air looking for escape, while Hunter thrashes him from side to side. The fans cheer Marty’s predicament as he works his way to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan back pedals into the corner, smashing Hunter’s back into the turnbuckles to break the sleeper. Eron Hunter hits him with another european uppercut, and turns him around into the corner. Hunter climbs to the second rope and starts firing punches down on him!
The fans erupt with cheers as Hunter hammers him with rights and lefts
Marty Donovan: “Tell him to stop, Tommy!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter continuing those blows, until Marty Donovan grabs Hunter’s legs and walks him out of the corner with an inverted atomic drop. He front facelocks Hunter and twists him around into a swinging neckbreaker.
Marty Donovan irish whips Eron Hunter into the ropes and hits him between the eyes with a flying forearm. Marty kips up to derision from the audience
Phillip Blauer: Hush, you swine!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty goes for a roundhouse, but Eron catches his leg and dragon screw leg whips him to the ground into a single leg boston crab!
The jeers turn to cheers as Hunter plants his feet and cranks back on Donovan’s leg, trying to hyperextend the knee. Tommy Milligan checks in, but Marty just grunts in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan tucks his head and rolls through the single leg crab, up to his feet with Hunter holding his leg. He swings around into an enzuigiri to the ear of Hunter!
Hunter clutches his ear and goes down hard. He rolls out of the ring, and goes down to one knee on the floor. Tommy Milligan pushes a limping Marty back to give Hunter some room
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein lurks nearby at ringside.
Phillip Blauer: Why must you refer to it as lurking? Why can’t Dan just be?
Guillermo O’Bannon: There appears to be some blood trickling from Eron Hunter’s ear through his hand there.
Phillip Blauer: His brain is probably leaking out.
Tommy Milligan comes over and tells Dan Stein to give Eron Hunter some space. Meanwhile, a hobbling Marty Donovan steps through the ropes and looks for an opening to attack a wounded Hunter
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan runs along the apron and catches Hunter with a reverse hurricanrana on the floor!!
The Las Vegas fans boo. “The Punisher” Dan Stein picks Eron Hunter up and rolls him back into the ring. Wesley Crane helps Marty up and helps him back into the ring as well
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips Hunter in the ropes and then spins into a rolling wheel kick!
Eron Hunter blocks a suplex attempt. He counters with a suplex of his own and leaves Donovan up there. The audience cheers Hunter’s ability to hold him up perfectly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter drops him in that hanging vertical suplex!
Marty Donovan sits up in pain. Hunter checks his left ear and sees there’s blood on his hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter may have had some damage to his left ear drum from that enzuigiri kick from Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: How will he hear that howling wolf in his theme song?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter drops down into a fujiwara armbar on Donovan. He cranks up on Donovan’s arm!
Tommy Milligan asks Donovan if he wants to tap out but he just begs Dan Stein to help him. Hunter clamps down on Donovan’s wrist while driving him face first into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan crawls over and hooks the bottom rope. Tommy Milligan forces Eron Hunter to break the fujiwara armbar. Hunter backs up and whacks Donovan in the teeth with a shining wizard kick!
The Las Vegas fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Hunter’s boot hitting Donovan in the face. Tommy Milligan checks Hunter’s left ear and asks him if he wants to continue
Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Tommy Milligan checking in with Eron Hunter, seeing if he wants to continue with this match and he says let’s do it.
Phillip Blauer: Take the out, paisan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter goes outside and slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope, but Marty catches him in a front facelock with his feet still resting on the top rope! He turns him over onto his back, and drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!!
The crowd boos as Hunter clutches the back of his neck, with blood running down his left ear. He staggers up, but Marty kicks him in the stomach
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan takes Hunter over into a side headlock takedown into a pluma blanca! He presses his calf down across Hunter’s throat, while putting pressure on Eron’s trapped arm.
The heckling gets louder as Marty Donovan clamps down on Hunter’s head and arm with his legs and his keylock. Eron shakes his head, refusing to give up while he stomps his heels into the mat in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: It wasn’t all happiness, this was also the town where Marty Donovan lost a ladder match for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship back in 2006.
Marty Donovan releases the pluma blanca and pulls Eron Hunter up into a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan drops Eron Hunter into a dragon suplex with a perfect bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan scoops him up but Eron Hunter falls on his feet behind him into an inverted facelock and drops down into a reverse DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter maintains that inverted facelock into a dragon sleeper. Hunter plants his feet and pulls back on Donovan’s head and neck.
Eron Hunter goes down into an on the mat version. Tommy Milligan checks in but Marty refuses to quit. “The Punisher” Dan Stein slaps the mat, trying to root on Marty Donovan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter wraps his legs around Marty Donovan’s waist and drops down into a dragon sleeper body scissors. He wrenches back as much as he can on the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion’s head and neck, while keeping him from getting any new air with that leg lock around his kidneys.
Eron Hunter pulls Marty Donovan up into a half nelson hammerlock, and then drops him into a tiger suplex
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter irish whips him but Marty Donovan reverses it and shoots him into the turnbuckles. Marty is a half step behind him and follows him in with a corner dropkick!
The Las Vegas fans let out another “OH!” Marty Donovan leg sweeps Hunter’s legs out from under him. He steps through the ropes out on to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan slingshots himself over the ropes into a basement dropkick!
The crowd boos while Dan Stein applauds on the outside. Marty Donovan lifts Hunter up onto his shoulders with a fireman’s carry. He drops the back of Hunter’s neck on his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: UshiGoroshi! Marty Donovan grabs Hunter’s leg with a leg scissors cross knee lock. He rocks back on Hunter’s foot and calf, while twisting his knee. That knee was injured in NPW and as we know he had a hard road of rehab to come back from that.
Hunter grabs his hair in pain, but refuses to give up. Tommy Milligan offers to ring the bell to end the torture, but Hunter shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter rolls onto his stomach, and is able to kick Marty Donovan off of him.
The fans cheer and Eron Hunter is able to stand up. He pulls Donovan’s head into his legs, and flips him up into a powerbomb, but Marty reverses it into a hurricanrana
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan stomps Eron Hunter in his injured ear! Again!
Tommy Milligan pushes Marty back, but Marty swats his hand away and lands another hard stomp to Hunter’s bloody ear
Phillip Blauer: Eron Hunter won’t be hearing those high pitched cheers anymore when Marty is done with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan pulls Hunter up by the hair, and tosses him over the top rope!
The Las Vegas crowd boos and Marty Donovan points to one fan in particular
Marty Donovan: “Hey, shut your mouth, fat boy! And watch Willow.”
Phillip Blauer: This guy is a marketing machine! He’s Billy Mays in spandex!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan hits the ropes and flips over the top rope with a somersault senton that smacks Hunter into the railing!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!!” as Hunter’s back hits the security rail. Welsey Crane and Dan Stein help Marty Donovan to his feet. Marty gets his senses back and climbs up to the apron. He hops up to the middle of the second rope and backflips into a springboard asai moonsault DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Reedy Creek Racing!!
The fans boo as Eron Hunter and Marty Donovan lie on the floor.. Wesley Crane pulls Hunter up by the wrist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane irish whips Eron Hunter into Dan Stein who gives him a discus clothesline on the floor!!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos while The Anointed celebrate at ringside. Eron Hunter holds the back of his head, and kicks his toes into the floor in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Come on, this is three against one!
Phillip Blauer: Eron Hunter said some hurtful things. And during the holidays no less.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter’s a lone wolf in the back and he may be paying the consequences of that, with no one watching his back in the locker room. Marty Donovan back in the ring now. He runs into the ropes and then hops onto the middle of the top rope. Donovan jumps off with a springboard tornado DDT but Eron Hunter catches him and spinebusters him on the floor!!
The audience erupts as Eron Hunter holds his hand over his ear. Wesley Crane runs at Hunter and he spinning heel kicks him on the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter jumping roundhouse kicks an oncoming Dan Stein!!
The crowd is electric as Eron Hunter stumbles over to the apron and climbs up on top of it. He looks back at The Anointed
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter jumps onto the middle of the second rope and hits Stein, Donovan, and Crane with an asai moonsault!!
The fans chant “ERON!! ERON!! ERON!!” as Eron Hunter lies amongst The Anointed. Eron Hunter pulls Marty Donovan up and rolls him back into the ring. He climbs up to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard Dis-Knee!!
The Las Vegas fans let out an earsplitting pop as Eron Hunter drapes his arm over Marty Donovan
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan gets his shoulder up!
Phillip Blauer: That’s intellectual property theft! Our lawyers will have you in court by breakfast!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter and Marty Donovan get to their feet and Hunter kicks him hin the stomach. He cradles Marty’s leg and neck and drops him onto the back of his head with a release regal plex!! White Tiger Suplex!
The Las Vegas fans continue to chant “ERON!! ERON!! ERON!!” Eron Hunter pulls Marty’s head into his legs and then lifts him up into a running liger bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: White Tiger Bomb!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan claps his legs together onto Hunter’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan rolls to his feet but Eron Hunter twirls into a running discus clothesline! White Tiger Lariat!! That’s the White Tiger Series and Eron Hunter makes the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR-Dan Stein puts Marty’s foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O’Bannon: You can’t be serious!
Phillip Blauer: That bottom rope is a menace!
Eron Hunter steps through the ropes out onto the apron. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pushes Hunter off the ropes to the mat below!! Tommy Milligan has got to make a call here!
Phillip Blauer: Leave Tommy alone. He’s got a good gig here. Warm winters for those old bones.
The audience jeers and starts to throw trash into the ring. Marty Donovan pulls Hunter up into an inverted facelock. He lifts him up into an inverted suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan maintains that inverted facelock and immediately rolls him back up to his feet. He lifts him up again and then drops his back onto his knee with a backbreaker!! Better Than Cobryn!
The fans boos as Hunter sits up in pain, with blood running down his ear. Wesley Crane runs into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane with that In The Face v-trigger but Hunter drops to the mat and Crane’s knee hits Marty Donovan In The Face!!
Phillip Blauer: What??
The roof blows off the T-Mobile Arena!! Eron Hunter cartwheels into a spin kick that takes out Wesley Crane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan staggers to his feet and roundhouse kicks but Eron catches his leg and neck and flips him into a cradle capture suplex!! Rising Star Suplex!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
….THREE!!!
The Las Vegas crowd leaps to their feet as Eron Hunter rolls off of Marty Donovan, holding his arm up in victory. “Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays as Hunter holds his ear. Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. slides into the ring to check on him
Phillip Blauer: No! No, no, no!
Greg Jin: “At 24 minutes 49 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Tommy Milligan takes the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and Hardkore West Coast Championship from Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and hands them to Eron Hunter who is resting on the bottom turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter makes his first successful title defense of that XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship over the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan with a ruptured ear drum!
Phillip Blauer: This was blatant interference!
Guillermo O’Bannon: From your own guys!
Phillip Blauer: Exactly, what was Tommy thinking? This is well meaning officiating run amok!
Dan Stein enters the ring and goes to a still sprawled out Marty Donovan, cradling his head. Meanwhile, Eron Hunter waves off David Valentine Jr. and his medics to celebrate with his two championship belts against the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon What a match, with that damaged ear, Hunter was able to withstand all three members of The Anointed! He is a traveling champion he goes next to Denver for J-ROK Supremacy.
Eron Hunter walks down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans while David Valentine Jr. follows close behind. He walks up to the ramp and holds up both his championship belts again to a huge ovation. Back in the ring, Wesley Crane enters the ring and Dan Stein gives him a look that stops him dead in his tracks, popping the fans
Phillip Blauer: Steady, Dan. Steady,
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the second time Wesley Crane has “accidentally” hit Marty Donovan with the In The Face and cost him a match. The last time was this fall in Wrestle UK. Now Wesley Crane is facing Marty Donovan at the next show in San Francisco to cash in his Hardkore Helloween title shot for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Phillip Blauer: All very normal between two compadres like Marty and Wes.
Wesley Crane swears to Dan Stein that he didn’t mean to hit Marty while Donovan starts to come to
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has ducked Wesley as long as he could but in San Francisco, he will be forced to put the title on the line.
Phillip Blauer: Just a scientific match between two chums.
Marty Donovan rubs his face while he tries to believe Wesley Crane’s explanation. Dan Stein looks suspicious about the whole thing
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well I guess we’ll when Hardkore World battles in the bay in San Francisco! We’ll see you then fans!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans, and welcome to Vegas! Phil, I see you no longer require a wheelchair.
Phillip Blauer: Yes, I would give all the credit to my physical conditioning, and my never say die attitude. First I was able to make my big toe move, then my foot, and soon my entire leg…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Your wife Dorothy took her wheelchair back, didn’t she?
Phillip Blauer: Like she needed it?! All she does is lay in bed and watch Little Rascals shorts. I told her I needed it for work, but she threatened to cut off my make up money, which is exorbitant these days. Inflation is hitting everyone hard, but most of all young-ish men who need to hide their crow’s feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight fans we have a battle of the belts as XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: Marty’s not a Junior anything, but it’s damn time for him to start winning all the XWF gold and calling the shots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think it’s XHF.
Phillip Blauer: That makes no sense. Wrestling doesn’t start with an H. Does it?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. shrugs
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore World Tag Team titles will be up for grabs in a ladder match between Tuxedo Mask & Kilroy Evans taking on “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane.
Phillip Blauer: Per their usual, The Society of the New Breed needed outside interference and a cheap shock value return to save their titles. This time we got our power players, a former Hardkore World Champion and the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner in there, to walk up that ladder and pluck it into The Anointed.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Then there’s the match I’ve been waiting for ever since Jonnie Valentine signed Cross Recoba. Recoba taking on 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion The Great Syberus. Both are two of the best technical wrestlers working today, we will see who the best is. It’s a dream match!
Phillip Blauer: Maybe for you, but most of my dreams involve how I’m late to school because I can’t find my cufflinks and my mother tells me the tornado is here to pick me up. So I check the roof for my cufflinks, which turns out to be Cincinnati…
Guillermo O’Bannon: No one cares, Phil. Cross Recoba is looking to make a statement win, and Syberus wants his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship back in what looks like a collision course to greatness. Then we have a clash of two styles, as the big Ruben Bowman, tangles with the violent Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: I’m torn here because while I really like Ruben’s limericks, I also enjoy the brutality of Sheik. Poems? Bloodshed? It’s really a quandary.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess. Then two newcomers do battle as Little Dragon takes on Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: No tear here, I hate both those guys.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know why, Little Dragon is an amazing second generation wrestler with a ton of potential, while Kalmin Watts has caught the eye of the West Coast with his amateur wrestling style and that Sooner Squeeze.
Phillip Blauer: Maybe because the Sooner Squeeze sounds like how JR gets into his khakis.
The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” plays and a barking Moondog Dook staggers out to the ring with his chain around his neck to some cheers. He’s an albino with a crazy beard and a hairy chest, wearing ripped jean shorts with a string as a belt
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Santa Fe, a crazed Moondog Dook came out of the crowd and attacked Gavin Drake with a chain.
Phillip Blauer: Are there any versions of Dook that aren’t crazed? Maybe a festive Dook?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Unfortunately, no. Gavin Drake was able to get control of the chain and chase Dook off, but it goes to show you how unhinged this old kook is.
Phillip Blauer: (sipping from his Jamba Juice) Hmm? Me?
Moondog Dook walks on all fours while ring announcer Greg Jin stands in the center of the ring, waiting for his cue
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the T-Mobile Arena. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds; The Old Dog with the Old Tricks…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The crowd gives him a mixed reaction
"Impermanence" by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black. The crowd jeers
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake got back on the winning side of the ledger with a victory over Captain Black Hawk in Santa Fe…
Phillip Blauer: Not really very respectful of our boys in uniform is it?
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the Las Vegas crowd before he throws a fist in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: But the loss in Albuquerque to Ruben Bowman stung the disciple of Donzig. He has promised to right that wrong with a convincing win over Moondog Dook here tonight.
Phillip Blauer: Look, the guy likes a good drink, and he likes a good fight. Like Earnest Hemingway or Ezra Miller. Donzig has got to understand that guys like that are gonna fumble the bag sometimes. No biggie.
Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake is looking to make Moondog Dook the beneficiary of all the frustration, all the anger he has over that match.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, The Son of the Conquerer…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The T-Mobile Arena boos as Drake throws up his fist and Emily Black poses.
One Fall, 30 Minute Time Limit
Gavin Drake vs. Moondog Dook
Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell. Moondog Dook tries to run at Drake and Emily with the chain, but Richie cuts him off and demands he deposit the chain in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie taking some initiative here and not allowing Dook to use the chain as he did in Albuquerque.
Phillip Blauer: That’s a good lad. You see? And you told his uncle you didn’t think he was gonna work out…
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s not what I said, and it’s not his uncle, and I don’t know what you’re talking about and Gavin Drake sneak attacks Dook with a stinger splash from behind!
The audience boos and Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell. Gavin Drake back suplexes Dook out of the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake hits Dook right on the button with a dropkick. He hooks Dook up and lifts him up high for a textbook suplex.
Gavin Drake irish whips Dook into the ropes and hits him with a spinebuster hard into the mat. Dook rolls over in pain while Emily Black applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake putting the boots to Dook right now and this crowd doesn’t like it.
Phillip Blauer: Well, if the fans remember who Dook got pulled over with in 2006 maybe they wouldn’t be so supportive of…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Everyone remembers that story, and it’s been talked about and there’s nothing left to say. He has paid his debt to society. Gavin Drake has Dook up in a front facelock and rolls him around into a neckbreaker.
Moondog Dook sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Gavin Drake is right on top of him with a gut wrench suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake irish whips Moondog into the ropes and catches him coming back with a full powerslam!
…ONE!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake shoots him into the ropes again but Dook ducks a lariat, he hits the ropes and comes back with a clothesline of his own!
The crowd comes to life and Emily Black looks on from the corner. Moondog Dook elbow drops him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook elbow drops Drake a second time. He gets up for a third one but Gavin Drake rolls out of the ring.
Emily Black applauds Drake’s ring awareness but a confused Moondog Dook stares vacantly at him from the ring, then just elbow drops the canvas anyway
Phillip Blauer: Poor Dook. What is our responsibility in all this?
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is all he can do.
Phillip Blauer: I know, it’s just…
Guillermo O’Bannon: You feel like someone’s gonna question us about this later?
Phillip Blauer: Yeah.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I know. Moondog Dook now on the floor with Gavin Drake and hits him with a double ax handle. He runs from behind and jumps into a bulldog on the railing!!
The T-Mobile Arena cheers. Like a dog on a bone, Dook steps over the railing out of the crowd back into the ringside area, grabbing Drake and headbutting him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook now biting Gavin Drake, chewing on his forehead.
Phillip Blauer: Now Drake needs his shots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook headlocks Drake and goes to bulldog him into the corner, but Drake pushes him off so that Dook’s face connects with the steel ring post!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Dook’s head hitting the corner post. Gavin Drake scoops him up on his shoulder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake running powerslam’s Dook’s head into that ringpost!!
Phillip Blauer: Maybe it’ll make him smarter?
Emily Black instructs Drake to roll back into the ring. Dook climbs up on the apron, but Drake cuts him off with some punches
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake with a slingshot suplex on Moondog Drake back into the ring!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Gavin Drake applies an STF. He locks his hands underneath Dook’s chin and pulls up on his head and neck. Richie Richardson checks in to see if the Moondog wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake clamping down on Dook’s windpipe, but can’t get the Moondog to quit. He releases it and pulls him up to his feet. Drake wraps Dook’s arm behind his head, cocks back, and strikes him in the chest with a heart punch.
Phillip Blauer: That heart has taken plenty of defibrillator shocks on the floor of many hotel rooms, but that’s the hardest shot it’s probably ever taken.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake shoots Dook into the ropes and hits him in the sternum with a claymore kick!
The fans boo as Moondog Dook lies on the mat, clutching his chest. The fans chant “Call An Uber! Call An Uber! Call An Uber!” at Gavin Drake and he pulls down the rope, inviting them to get inside the ring. Emily Black urges him to ignore them
Phillip Blauer: They just care about you, Gavin.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake now has Dook’s arms butterflied, and drives his head into the canvas with a double underhook DDT!
The crowd quiets down, and then a rumble of boos washes over the T-Mobile Arena. Drake whips his hair out of his eyes, then pulls him up for his powerbomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: Second Impact!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
'Impermanence' by the Architects plays and the fans jeer and heckle as Emily Black steps through the ropes to congratulate Drake
Greg Jin: “At 7 minutes 42 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
Referee Richie Richardson tries to raise Drake’s arm but Gavin rips his arm away from him. Emily Black smirks at Richie and raises Drake’s arm in victory and the fans voice their dislike for them
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake with a dominant performance here. Donzig is undoubtedly pleased with his protege here.
Phillip Blauer: I need to get a protege.
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. lumbers over to the announce table
Larry Valentine Jr.: How about me, boss?
Phillip Blauer: No, like someone with a future.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Gotcha.
Phillip Blauer: Good looking.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Loud and clear.
Phillip Blauer: Charismatic.
Larry Valentine Jr.: I’ll keep an eye out then.
Phillip Blauer: Thanks, Lare Bear.
Gavin Drake walks to the back, shielding Emily from the hands of the fans. He gets to the top of the stage and turns around and throws his fist in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake victorious here tonight, and now looks to rack up wins here on the West Coast until he’s standing across the ring from Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, Disney’s Marty Donovan. Fans, we now go back stage to Kevin Valentine Jr. who has an interview with the hometown hero, Cross Recoba!
We cut backstage where Kevin Valentine Jr. stands by with Cross Recoba. The XHF Box Office Smash is already in ring-gear, clearly ready for his match later in the night with The Great Syberus.
Kevin Valetine Jr: Thanks, Guillermo. I’m joined by Cross Recoba right now and Cross,great win against The Rookie but we’re seeing more and more people comment on the fact that you didn’t put up any money for anyone to try and escape your finishing hold, Garibaldi’s Guillotine.
Cross Recoba: Do you know how precious my time has been since I beat Little Dragon? I put on a show where even Marty Donovan had to bring his working boots! Every match from opener to the main-event was a certified banger! Then, when that was done I was not only setting up Tap Out Wrestling’s tenth show, I was preparing for tonight’s match against Syberus and most importantly I was making plans to go toe-to-toe with Zoran Sainovic to bring the X*Crown to HardKore World for the first time in its existence!
Kevin Valentine Jr: I saw more than one fan in attendance that was ready to take on your challenge but they got their chance when Anthony Jordan and Kalmin Watts issued their own Sooner Squeeze challenge to the Santa Fe faithful. Ten-thousand dollars was raised when no-one broke the hold all in the name of their Boys and Girls club…
Cross Recoba: Well done, Kalmin, on a great philanthropic effort. I must commend you not just on your ability to pander but also on the way you’ve managed to ride my coat-tails to do so. I saw the challenge, it’s what happens when you have to be there for first-bell and your match is later on in the show, maybe Watts’ll be able to agree with me someday. But if he wants to do that, to show he hasn’t got one original thought in his head….fine by me. Where I take exception is in his Carny mouthpiece goes and outright lies to people. What was it he called it?
Kevin Valentine Jr: The Best Hold in Wrestling.
Cross Recoba: Right, and based on what? That he got some mouth-breathing morons in the middle of Santa Fe to tap? Becaus he beat Dirk "Glorious Wolf" van Thijmen with it on that show? It’d be like telling a Formula One driver you’re better than them because you won the Missoula Soapbox Derby. I’ve put away countless wrestlers with Garibaldi’s Guillotine and the difference is - you’d recognise their names. They were former X*Crown Champions, Hall of Famers, and those were tipped to be the Next Big Thing. I don’t want to get caught up in something that is so clearly beneath me and so I’ll be clear. If Watts and Jordan want to carry on with their challenge, go for it. It saves me having to rub shoulders with people who’ve never been to London and gone to Annabell’s or dined at Alinea, HOW can I relate to them?
Recoba pauses for an answer that is never coming.
Cross Recoba: But if I hear him proclaim that hold ‘The Best Hold in Wrestling’ again, I’ll hit them with something that his charge can’t fight off with his Farm-boy strength…legal action…
Cross walks out of shot as Kevin Valentine can only shrug as he throws it back to commercial
In My Humble Opinion…the new commentary show with Phillip Blauer goes where most cable news networks won’t
Phillip Blauer: You don’t see pay phones anymore, I’ll tell you that. And another thing! McDonald’s used to have those styrofoam boxes for the burgers and the cheese would get on them. After your burger was done, you still had cheese to eat on the sides. Now almost every McDonald’s I go to is out of them. That doesn’t sit well with me, mister.
Phil’s not afraid to “go there”
Phillip Blauer: This caller ID thing is for the birds! Now everyone knows I’m calling them when I want to make my anonymous threats.
Cut to Guillermo outside eating lunch on a park bench. He smiles as he chews, looking at nature. His phone rings
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hey, Phil. What’s up?
Heavy breathing on the other line
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Are you there?
The breathing becomes panicked
Phillip Blauer: (whispers) I’m gonna kill you…
The line goes dead. Guillermo shrugs and puts the phone down, and then goes back to eating his turkey sandwich
Some of the brightest minds come to In My Humble Opinion, and get mentally destroyed by the Blau Dog
Sound of a mean dog barking and then cut to Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. sitting at the desk with Phil
Phillip Blauer: You know who doesn’t do movies anymore is C. Thomas Howell?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I just saw him in something.
Phillip Blauer: What?
Larry Valentine Jr.: It was this movie where he darkened his skin so he could get into a school.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Soul Man. And that was made in the 80’s.
Larry Valentine Jr.: No, I just saw it. It was on last night.
Phillip Blauer: Yes, Larry. Things can be on last night that were made 40 years ago.
Larry Valentine Jr.: His teacher was Darth Vader.
Phillip Blauer: That was James Earl Jones…(rubs temples) God, this is horrible. I wouldn’t watch this. How much longer to go?
Voice of Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. comes over the God Box
Danny Valentine Jr.: 57 minutes.
Phillip Blauer: You’re kidding me. So Larry. Do anything fun this weekend?
Larry Valentine Jr.: I was with you all weekend.
Phillip Blauer: What about when you were not with me?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Um, I went to laser bowling?
Phillip Blauer: Ok, that’s something…
Larry Valentine Jr.: But they were closed.
Phillip Blauer: Oh.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Health inspector found the rats had made a pretty intricate “Secret of NIMH” style metropolis in the kitchen that were in prolonged war with the primitive but noble rats that lived in the pin return.
Phillip Blauer: Ok, that’s it, I can’t listen to this anymore. Can we cut to commercial?
Voice of Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. comes over the God Box
Danny Valentine Jr.: We didn’t sell any ad time.
Phil tosses his index cards and gets up from the desk. He walks away as a dejected Larry Valentine Jr. remains
Fade back to the T-Mobile Arena as “Twenties” by Ghost hits.
The crowd is a little confused until Kalmin Watts emerges from the curtain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts apparently coming out here for The Sooner Squeeze Challenge, right after Cross Recoba has said he is none too pleased by a rival challenge.
Watts is showing signs from his grueling match on New Year’s Brawl in Wrestle: UK as his left knee is taped up. He is followed by his manager, Anthony Jordan, and MLB star, Kris Bryant. Jordan is carrying a giant novelty check with him.
Phillip Blauer: Why didn’t you tell me there were gonna be actual celebrities like Colorado Rockies third baseman Kris Bryant? I would have had my teeth done. They notice these kinds of things.
The three men hit the ring as Watts and Bryant, Jordan gets the microphone from Greg Jin, then hands the giant check to Watts.. “Twenties” cuts off as Jordan raises the microphone
Anthony Jordan: “A little different today, huh? While the band and song are a little too vulgar for my sensibilities, Kalmin is embracing ‘New year. new me’. The last thing he wants to be is that guy who was a big man on campus who never grows up. The University of Oklahoma was a great chapter in his life, but this next chapter in Hardkore World will be even better!”
The fans cheer in support
Anthony Jordan: “The song is called ‘Twenties’. In that regard, it fits. After all, Kalmin is in his twenties, and we are in the twenties. It has been a tough decade, but with a new year comes hope to slay the dragon of our past and become something greater! That starts tonight with what will be a great match against Little Dragon!”
The Las Vegas audience pops for Little Dragon
Anthony Jordan: “But before that, we have the Sooner Squeeze Challenge!”
The crowd applauds
Anthony Jordan: “Now, with a match against a rising talent coming up, Kalmin cannot spend too much time exhibiting the best hold in wrestling…”
The fans cheer as Jordan puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head for a few seconds before raising the microphone back up.
Anthony Jordan: “Excuse me, I said the BEST…HOLD...IN...WRESTLING!”
The T-Mobile Arena grows louder as the old pro gives his goofy grin at getting the reception he wanted.
Phillip Blauer: Why is he yelling at me?
Anthony Jordan: “Now that is more like it! By now, you know I mean the Sooner Squeeze!”
The audience cheers again
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin would usually take all comers, but, as I noted, he has a match. Couple that with his bum wheel, we will only have one challenger tonight. Oh, but what a challenger! We have Las Vegas’s own and World Series Champion, Kris Bryant!”
The fans cheer as Bryant waves to them
Phillip Blauer: Finally, someone who can get us mainstream coverage. This will bring alot of new eye balls to Hardkore World, and I am looking to get off this raft.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Put in a good word for me?
Phillip Blauer: The Blau-Dog walks alone.
Anthony Jordan: “On the line today is ten thousand dollars to the Wings for Life Foundation. They do great work in the area of research spinal cord injuries and are a great foundation. Folks, this is a four-star charity according to Charity Navigator. You should look into them and give regardless of how the challenge goes today.”
Watts holds up the giant check as the T-Mobile Arena cheers. He then sets it in the corner and sits on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a worthwhile charity to bring a spotlight to.
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin is ready to go! Before we get to it, let me go through the rules again.”
Jordan turns to Bryant
Anthony Jordan: “Kris, there are a couple of ways you can win ten thousand dollars for Wings for Life. The first way you can win is to escape the Sooner Squeeze. The second way you can win is to last for one minute. That means you do not submit and avoid being pinned for a three count.”
Bryant nods as Jordan looks out to the crowd.
Anthony Jordan: “With that sorted, let us get on with the challenge!”
The Las Vegas audience cheers as Jordan motions for Bryant to get on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Colorado Rockies Kris Bryant goes down to the mat, and Kalmin Watts lightly wraps his legs around Bryant.
Jordan counts down from five, then Watts locks in the Sooner Squeeze, popping the crowd!
Bryant yells out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think the pressure Kalmin Watts is applying to Kris Bryant’s torso is much worse than he anticipated!
Phillip Blauer: You know, some companies put their celebrities in a green room with a muffin basket instead of in a Sooner Squeeze. Just a thought.
The fans cheer for Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kris Bryant spends the first ten seconds of the challenge trying to endure the sudden pain. I think Kalmin Watts would normally look for a pin here to capitalize on Bryant’s shock, but he may be trying not to put stress on his left knee at this time.
Bryant begins to try to pull Watts’s legs apart. After slowly working, he separates Watts’s legs enough to get a deep breath before Watts clamps back down with about thirty seconds left
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think Kris Bryant is realizing he’s not getting out, but will try to survive.
Kris Bryant slaps the mat as he tries to psych himself up. The fans begin to clap along to the same rhythm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kris Bryant has held on to the fifty-second mark! Bryant can see the light at the end of the tunnel and looks like he has enough fight to last.
With the T-Mobile Arena counting down from ten, Watts realizes he only has one path to victory
Guillermo O’Bannon: Colorado Rockies’ Kris Bryant grits his teeth and rolls Bryant back into a pinning combination!
…ONE!
…Watts pushes up for additional leverage
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
Kalmin Watts releases the Sooner Squeeze and rubs his left knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts has pinned Kris Bryant, thus winning The Sooner Squeeze Challenge!
The fans cheer as Jordan helps Bryant up and pats him on the back
Phillip Blauer: Ugh.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What don’t you like about this guy? He’s a good person.
Phillip Blauer: He’s so preachy with “I went to Oklahoma”, “I went to school”, like. We get it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You don’t have to go to school.
Phillip Blauer: Good, I won’t.
Anthony Jordan helps Kalmin Watts up as he hobbles a little on the way up
Anthony Jordan: “Folks, that was a close one! Kris, you fought like the champion you are, but you did not win the Sooner Squeeze Challenge. That also means you did not win the ten-thousand dollars.”
The fans boo as Jordan shrugs. Watts, however, goes to the corner and picks up the check
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts walks over to the Colorado Rockies’ Kris Bryant and shakes his hand, then hands the check over! There you go, I was just saying that. Kalmin Watts is a very good person.
The Las Vegas fans begin cheering as Watts waves them off
Anthony Jordan: “Folks, Kalmin Watts is still going to give the ten thousand dollars to Wings for Life!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is really nice of him. He didn’t have to do that.
Phillip Blauer: He doesn’t know where that money’s going.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you stop. What do you have against spinal cord injury charities?
Phillip Blauer: You just never know.
A fierce looking dragon slowly raises its head and spews fire and flames as "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator rips through the T-Mobile Arena
The Vegas fans cheer as images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. Kris Bryant makes his way to the back. Little Drag nods as the fans give him a huge ovation
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is excited about this match, knowing what kind of competitor Kalmin Watts is from their familiarity with AWF. He’s also familiar with this city, this is where 14 years ago, in 2009, his mother Dragonatrix teamed with “Habanero” Amanda Kaufman as The Ladies of Rage to defeat The New Squaws, Shawnee Lizzie and Heather Little Owl.
Phillip Blauer: I remember chasing him out of makeup for hassling me.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why would you do that?
Phillip Blauer: Back then? Probably Atkins Diet. I noticed he was eating a bun on his burger. We’ll see if that’s the difference maker here.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is proud to be here on the West Coast in Hardkore World where his parents wrestled. He is promising a spectacular match here tonight with this mix of styles.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; Dynamo Dragon…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The Las Vegas fans cheer wildly as Little Dragon nods in recognition
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Anthony Jordan! From Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds; Boomer Sooner…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The audience lets out a loud pop as Watts pumps himself up with Anthony Jordan whispering some advice, before leaving the ring with Greg Jin
One Fall Match, 30 Minute Time Limit
Kalmin Watts vs. Little Dragon
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. Kalmin Watts limps to the right as he drops into a fighting stance as Little Dragon follows him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts injured that knee in Glasgow, Scotland against Eddie Havok in a match for Wrestle: UK at New Year’s Brawl.
Watts lunges forward, and nearly stumbles as his injured knee doesn’t seem to bear the weight
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon wastes no time, snapping a few hard kicks into Watts’ injured knee.
Little Dragon cracks Kalmin Watts with another stiff kick to the knee so hard, Watts goes down to one knee. Dragon before he goes for a DDT but Watts counters with a hard push.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts wraps his arms around Little Dragon’s waist to go for a suplex. But his knee once again makes him stumble! Little Dragon inside cradles him!
…ONE!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
The audience pops as Little Dragon drags Kalmin Watts back to his feet.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon grabs Watts’ leg and dragon screw leg whips him to the mat.
That draws the ire of Anthony Jordan at ringside. Kalmin Watts grabs at his leg as he sprawls on the mat. Little Dragon leaps to the turnbuckle, and stares down at Watts. He jumps off with a frog splash
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon Splash but Kalmin Watts rolls aside, and Dragon crashes down on the mat!!
Little Dragon rolls around on the canvas, grabbing at his ribs, kicking his toes into the mat in pain. Kalmin Watts pulls him up into a side waistlock and then drops down into a side suplex
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts rolls his shoulder up!
Watts shakes his head, limping back to his feet as Little Dragon pulls himself up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts starts throwing punches, and Little Dragon is happy to fire back in the center of the ring!
The Las Vegas crowd cheers the exchange of stiff shots back and forth. Little Dragon grabs Watts arm and irish whips him into the corner but Watts reverses, and Little Dragon slams into the corner hard before Watts follows him with a shake of his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts starts delivering hard chops to Little Dragon in the corner. Chop after chop, blistering Dragon’s chest!
The fans count along with the chops. Kalmin Watts draws back a step before he starts to lift Little Dragon onto the turnbuckle. Anthony Jordan says something on the outside, hitting the apron before he shakes his head as Watts tries to set up a superplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon starts throwing punches into his sides and legs, struggling to get free before he finally puts the boot to the injured knee. Watts falls from the ropes, and Little Dragon climbs to his feet to hit a huge hurricanrana!! He cradles the leg!
The audience pops
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts reverses it into a sunset flip!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The T-Mobile Center cheers, and Little Dragon shakes his head as he rolls to his feet. Watts is slower to rise, and shakes his head before Dragon comes in hot.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts is ready for him this time, whipping him at the ropes for a huge spinebuster! Watts makes the cover, and Kelly O’Connell dives for the count!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts says that Little Dragon is all about the high spots and internet praise.
Phillip Blauer: Guilty. I love internet praise. If driving a bus full of nuns off a cliff got me just a few likes, I would do it.
Kalmin Watts pulls himself up, almost falling as he favors his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes back up to hit with him a chop-block to the injured knee!
Watts drops to a knee, and grimaces in pain. Anthony Jordan pounds on the apron to keep him focused
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon comes off the ropes with a clothesline that sends the big man sprawling!
Little Dragon snarls, and grabs Kalmin Watts’ leg. He starts stomping away at the wounded knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon’s foot is behind Kalmin Watt’s knee as he drives it into the mat! He lifts Watt’s leg up only to drive it into the mat again!
Kalmin Watts cries out in pain. Little Dragon picks up his leg, places his foot under his knee, and drives it into the mat for a third time! Watts yelps in agony, and rolls around the mat, clutching his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon spinning toe holds Watts’ leg and then drops down into a figure four leglock!
Watts sits up in agony as Little Dragon clamps down on his ankle, pressing his leg into his own knee. Kelly O’Connell checks in but Kalmin Watts shakes his head. Anthony Jordan urges Watts to hang on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts howls as he tries to get to the ropes as Kelly O’Connell asks him if he wants to tap! He shakes his head, yelling no as he strains for the ropes.
Phillip Blauer: The concerned Role Model watches from the outside.
Anthony Jordan yells something, and Watts nods as he starts to try and roll Dragon over to relieve the pressure. The fans cheer him on
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon tightens the figure four leglock as he leans back to stop this turn of events.
Phillip Blauer: But Watts flips him over!
The T-Mobile Arena cheers loudly! Little Dragon howls in pain as he claws for the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts has studied Little Dragon and thinks he has his finisher the DSD figured out. Kalmin Watts tries to drag Little Dragon away from the ropes, but Dragon gets his fingers on the ropes, and Kelly O’Connell calls for a break!
Kalmin Watts is back on his feet, limping hard as he stalks towards Little Dragon who is back on his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes off the ropes, throwing a kick at Watts’ head that he ducks aside and reverse waist locks him. Kalmin Watts with a german suplex with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts’ knee buckles!
Little Dragon is back on his feet, shaking his head before he stalks Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon grabs Kalmin Watts away from the ropes. He throws a few punches, and then starts firing off kicks into his thighs and ribs.
Kalmin Watts staggers back, covering up before Dragon darts back to hit the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes off hard with an elbow to Watts’ head! Dragon hauls off and hits Watts with another hard elbow that causes the big man to stumble back.
Phillip Blauer: Little Dragon leaps to the top turnbuckle, with ill intent on his mind!
Guillermo O’Bannon: DSD, but Kalmin Watts ducks aside and Little Dragon crashes to the mat!! Well scouted move!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” Kalmin Watts’ boot snaps up to crash into Dragon’s stomach. He grabs Dragon, shaking his head and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts puts his hands together and hits Little Dragon in the chest with an Oklahoma Hammer!!
The fans pop! Kalmin Watts jumps on Little Dragon’s back and applies his body scissors submission
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sooner Squeeze!! Watts clamps down on the sides of Little Dragon’s ribs with those powerful legs. Little Dragon can’t support the weight of the 260 pound Kalmin Watts and goes down to the mat.
Kalmin Watts continues to constrict Little Dragon’s breathing with his leg scissors. Kelly O’Connell stops getting answers on whether or not he wants to tap out
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell tests Little Dragon’s arm, but he keeps it up. Kalmin Watts continues to wear down his kidneys and ribs with that Sooner Squeeze! Watts goes full extension and Little Dragon finally taps out!
The Las Vegas crowd erupts as “Twenties” by Ghost plays. Kalmin Watts rolls to the side, clutching his knee as Anthony Jordan enters the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a gutsy performance! Kalmin Watts fights through the pain to get a big win here in Vegas!
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 19 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Anthony Jordan helps Kalmin Watts to his feet, as he hops on one leg with his arm raised. Kelly O’Connell raises his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts knee is worse for wear, but he comes away with the victory tonight. He continues with his impressive run here on the West Coast.
The fans cheer as Jordan raises Kalmin Watts’ arm again and points to him. Little Dragon clutches his ribs on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pulls himself up to his feet in the corner.
Phillip Blauer: Here we go!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon comes over, holding his ribs, to Kalmin Watts who needs help to stand, and offers his hand.
The T-Mobile Center gives both men a standing ovation for their toughness and bravery. Anthony Jordan gives Kalmin Watts a quizzical look, wondering what he wants to do here
‘
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts accepts his handshake and these two give each other a mutual show of respect!
The audiences round of applause gets louder as the two hug, and then raise one another’s arms. Little Dragon leaves the ring holding his ribs while Kalmin Watts continues to celebrate in the ring. Then Watts leaves the ring with Anthony Jordan.
(“Growing on Me” by the Darkness plays and after the beat kicks up a huge glittering “110%” fills the screen, to which the crowd leave their seats. Syberus pushes out of the curtain with not much delay wearing a 110% t-shirt and flashes a grin around at the adulation. He takes a moment to pause by the crowd next to the stage before making his way down the ramp and high fiving fans along the way.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We may be in Cross Recoba's town here tonight but plenty of love for the five time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, the great Syberus!
Philip Blauer: Cerberus seems to have left his sharply dressed butler fellow behind to steam his undergarments or some such.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Do you mean Wayne Tanner Jnr.?
Philip Blauer: Interesting gentleman, has a great enthusiasm for automobiles. Did you know the Tanner500 outlasts the competitor's nearest product by over 12 miles, and at only thrice the cost?
(Syberus wipes his feet on the apron and steps through the ropes. He hops up and pumps his fist with a YEAH!! that the crowd respond with themselves. Syb grabs the microphone as the music dies.)
Syberus: Wellity wellity wellity... looks like Cross fell for one of the classic blunders! Getting a big long promo ready to drop right after his opponent only his opponent doesn't say any of the shit he prepped responses for.
Why's the guy ragging on me for lauding my past accomplishments when I haven't for a while actually? To the point where he goes back to clips of me from months back just to pull apart – I don't blame him though, the footage of me was the best part of his promo. And why's he running the numbers on how long I had the SWAT title for? Does this guy have no life whatsoever?&nbsp;
Cross seems to be in the same camp as Poena and AVB. That in order to be truly great you can't possibly lose a match. Oh dear Lord no. Lose a match? Why that would shatter Cross's poor little ego so bad he'd have to go running back to whichever corner of this network spawned him for a midcard title and handjob.
Son when you've dropped a belt to Paul Soutter's pump handle slam, defeat sort of loses it's sting. That's why the great Syberus can drop a match to the latest Mary Sue some random fed is trying to push one week and add to that list of accomplishments I won't bring up the next.
Because all greatness comes from taking knocks and bouncing back. Not constant back pats from your echo chamber on Discord.
(Syberus nips up onto a turnbuckle and sits casually atop the corner.)
Syberus: You wanna know why I don't go and wrestle in any network shows? Isn't it glaringly obvious? Get it through your head – Hardkore World, and not HKW by the way but you've been here five minutes so I'll let it slide – has more history, more tradition and more legacy than all the other federations of this network combined.
Hardkore World IS this network. The Hardkore World Heavyweight title with it's 35 years of blood and toil is the most prestigious championship under this umbrella. Sorry to break it to you. I know there's probably some fed here you main event because you're able to speak in sentences. But here in Hardkore World, those sentences have to be actually entertaining. This isn't a place you get ahead just by speaking for 20 minutes because your opponent spoke for 15.
So no, I'm not going to be wrestling on any network cards. Because I can live with losing a match for the XHF Super Duper X Junior title, but I'm sure as hell not sitting through some asshole's vampire fan fic before I do.
You wanna wrestle the great Syberus? You come to Hardkore World. Which you've done, Cross! So bravo for that. I just really hope when I'm done smashing the hell out of you in your home town you don't go crying back to a familiar bosom blaming the management and not your own failings. I hope you stick around. I hope you learn from the great Syberus. From Kilroy Evans. And yeah, even from Marty Donovan.
Because while you were trawling through my back catalogue for loopholes you missed one point. I'm not here to live in the past. I'm here God willing to drag some of you fuckers up to our level HERE AND NOW. Because when the great Syberus finally hangs up the boots, I don't wanna look back on a business I bled for and see a bunch of boring, bland, pathetic repetitive cry babies desecrating our canvas.
So drop 700 words and throw some zingers. This is Hardkore World.
(Syberus tosses the mic to the announcer as his music plays again.)
Guillero O'Bannon: Syberus with some strong words there for Cross Recoba, what a match that one is going to be later tonight!
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands.
Phillip Blauer: It’s the Age of Bowman!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with a victory over Gavin Drake in Albuquerque and he says The Sheik is next. He has had an impressive record here early in his career, and he points out that no one has pinned him without using a taser gun.
Phillip Blauer: Someone better frisk Sheik…and Graves. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. nods
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman hoping a big win here puts him in contention for Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first…”
Ruben Bowman stops Grega and whispers in his ear
Greg Jin: “Ladies and gentleman, I’m being told by Mr. Bowman that he would like to bless you all with a poem.”
The fans cheer and whistle with a smattering of some boos as Ruben Bowman takes the microphone
Ruben Bowman: “I can't be the best fighter, they say,
Since poems don't help in a melee.
If they try half as hard
To make fun of this bard,
Then their main training's gone well astray.
It's a challenge to be both, to be sure,
But do they all have to be immature?
If you want to make fun, I'm not a difficult one,
Though I wouldn't take your rhymes on tour.
Come for me on one front, but not both.
You might surprise us with growth.
Not enough to prevail,
Or to make me turn tail,
But you won't have to swear a new oath..”
The fans cheer and Ruben Bowman bows and hands the microphone back to Greg Jin
Greg Jin: “From Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Las Vegas fans give Bowman a mixed reaction of scattered applause and jeers
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the T-Mobile Arena boos as Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out with The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves is not happy with The Sheik having to face a poet.
Phillip Blauer: Has he heard his stuff? It rhymes and everything!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Graves went ahead and did his own poem…
Phillip Blauer: That was good too. I had no idea I was such a fan of poetry. I need wine and cheese for this match. Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. nods and walks off. The Sheik slides under the ropes and flinches at Ruben Bowman, before standing on the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: MXG says that Ruben Bowman is catching The Sheik after a painful loss, and he will take out all his anger on the poet.
Greg Jin: “His opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The T-Mobile Arena drown out Greg with heckling as Malcolm Xavier Graves threatens the fans with his cane
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Man from Rub' al Khali…THE SHEIK!!!”
The fans boo and The Sheik tells them to shut up in Arabic. Malcolm Xavier Graves then mutters some last minute advice in Sheik’s ear
One Fall Match, 30 Minute Time Limit
Ruben Bowman vs. The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik and Ruben Bowman lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up, and Bowman shoots Sheik into the ropes, backdropping him high in the air!
The audience cheers and The Sheik gets up and charges, but Ruben Bowman launches him clear across the ring with a beal throw
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman grabs a rear chinlock. He flattens out his body to put pressure on the back of Sheik’s neck. Malcolm Xavier Graves shouts out instructions of how to escape to The Sheik.
Phillip Blauer: How does Graves know how to get out of a rear chinlock?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He must have told him something good because Sheik has fought his way to his feet with Ruben Bowman still hanging onto that chinlock.
The Sheik elbows Bowman in the stomach, and then drives another elbow into his guts, freeing him from the reverse chinlock. Sheik then irish whips Bowman into the turnbuckles
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik follows him in a step behind with a heel kick in the corner!
The crowd jeers as Ruben Boman staggers out of the corner and Sheik grabs his hair and sits out into a facebuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a suplex but Bowman is too big to get up. Bowman plants his feet and counters with a hanging vertical suplex where he just leaves him up there.
Ruben Bowman drops Sheik and he sits up, arching his back in pain. Bowman pulls Shiek up by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman irish whips him but Sheik reverses it and shoots Bowman into the corner. The Sheik charges in but Bowman bounces out of the corner with a clothesline that turns Sheik inside out!
The Las Vegas fans cheer for Bowman. Bowman shoots Sheik into the ropes and dips down for another backdrop, but The Sheik catches him with a snap DDT and the cheers turn to jeers
Phillip Blauer: The Sheik now kicking and stomping the Buff Bard.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik drops a leg drop across the back of Bowman’s head, driving his face into the mat.
The Sheik gives him another stomp for good measure, as Malcolm Xavier Graves roots him on. He pulls Ruben Bowman up to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik goes for a flying body press but Ruben Bowman catches him with a full powerslam!
The audience cheers and Ruben Bowman does a little bow for them. Bowman double underhooks Sheik’s arms
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman butterfly suplexes The Sheik across the ring! Look at the raw power!
The T-Mobile Center applauds Bowman’s show of strength. Bowman feeds off their energy and pumps himself up
Phillip Blauer: Ruben Bowman better be careful accepting any of this applause from Vegas. We all saw what it did to Elvis. And Wayne Newton’s face.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman running clotheslines The Sheik over the ropes to the floor below.
Phillip Blauer: Bowman now following after him which is a rookie mistake in my humble opinion. Which is the name of my new show My Humble Opinion coming this February on KPLM at 2am on Tuesdays when it’s not preempted by the rotisserie infomercial.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I did that infomercial and I love mine. You just set it and forget it. But you’re right, Ruben Bowman not really in his element out here. He irish whips Sheik hard into the railing!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of The Sheik hitting the steel guardrail. Ruben Bowman charges in and avalanches him against the security rail, and Sheik slump down to the arena floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman grabs him in a front waistlock, and turns his back to the crowd. He overhead belly to belly suplexes The Sheik over the railing into the front row of the audience!
The fans hoot and hollers, patting Bowman on the back and chest as he steps over the railing into the front row. The Sheik gets to his feet and pushes some fans away from him
Phillip Blauer: I’ll say it, our fans are the worst.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Don’t say that, that’s not true. The Sheik turns around into a lariat from Ruben Bowman, and he goes sprawling into the seats!
Bowman moves in but suddenly keels over. As Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. widens the shot, you see Malcolm Xavier Graves jab Ruben a second time in the ribs with his cane
Phillip Blauer: Way to miss the shot, Jackie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves whacks Bowman across the shoulder blades with that cane!!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Bowman goes down to one knee. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik whacks Ruben Bowman over the head with a steel chair!!
The audience lets out another loud “OH!” Bowman leans against the railing and The Sheik hits him with the chair again to make him go down! The Sheik pulls him up and tosses him over the railing into the ringside area
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik climbs up to the ring apron and then hops onto the second rope. He springboards backwards into an elbow smash, smacking Bowman back into the railing!!
Malcolm Xavier Graves pulls a table out from underneath the ring and starts setting it up. The Sheik and Ruben Bowman try to catch their breath. Finally, The Sheik rolls back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls in the top rope and slingshots himself over the top rope into a plancha on Ruben Bowman!!
The Sheik is now up on his feet, and rolls Bowman on to the table. He climbs up to the apron, and Graves hands him a chair
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik jumps off the apron with an Arabian facebuster leg drop on Bowman through the table!!
The Las Vegas fans boo as Sheik and Bowman lie in the former table. Malcolm Xavier Graves helps The Sheik to his feet and then starts violently trying to pull Bowman up with The Sheik’s help
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik rolls Bowman back into the ring. He gets on the apron and slingshots himself over the top rope into a leg drop!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik applies a LeBell lock! He locks his hands together under the chin and rocks back on Ruben Bowman’s head and arm.
Kelly O’Connell checks in but Ruben Bowman tries to hold on and not submit. Malcolm Xavier Graves pounds on the apron for Bowman to give up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik not only going for the win here, but also softening up his neck for The Last Crusade.
The Sheik peels back on his head while Bowman inches closer towards the ropes. Ruben reaches out and hooks the bottom rope and the fans cheer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben is able to use that 6’7 frame and hook the bottom rope.
Phillip Blauer: It’s gotta be useful for something other than cleaning the top of the fridge.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik releases the LeBell Lock and slowly begins climbing to the top turnbuckle. Ruben Bowman staggers over and catches Sheik with a punch.
A second punch, crotches Sheik on the top turnbuckle. Bowman tucks Sheik’s head into his shoulder and then walks him out into the center of the ring with a muscle buster
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman applies a dragon sleeper! He cranks back on Sheik’s arm and head, bending his neck and spine back.
The fans cheer and Sheik keeps shaking his head, refusing to quit. Bowman pulls him up to his feet in an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman lifts The Sheik up and over in an inverted suplex! He climbs to to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring, and flips into a moonsault but Sheik puts his knees up into Bowman’s chest!!
Bowman staggers around, holding his ribs and walks right into The Sheik’s black mass kick
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Scimitar!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Seasons In The Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the fans jeer. The Sheik rolls off of Bowman while Malcolm Xavier Graves runs into the ring to celebrate
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 7 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…THE SHEIK!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: It took some help from Malcolm Xavier Graves as usual, but The Sheik gets the win over the powerful poet Ruben Bowman.
The Sheik walks down the aisle way smacking away fans’ hands and signs, while Malcolm Xavier Graves points at the camera, threatening the rest of the roster
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik looking to get his Hardkore West Coast Championship back, and this win puts him right back into contention.
Phillip Blauer: Remember to watch my new show My Humble Opinion coming this February on KPLM at 2am on Tuesdays, again, when it’s not preempted by Gespacho’s rotisserie infomercial.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You can make chicken wings, salmon, even prime rib! I honestly don’t know what I would do without it.
The Sheik stands at the top of the ramp and poses while Malcolm Xavier Graves stands next to him. As Ruben Bowman walks to the back, he is stopped by Marty Donovan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What are they talking about?
Fade up on Kilroy Evans sitting on a stool backstage of the T-Mobile Arena. Hardkore Physician David Valentine Jr. is taking his pressure while a representative from the Nevada Athletic Commision looks on
David Valentine Jr.: Ok, Kilroy your blood pressure is a little high but acceptable.
Kilroy Evans: (phew) Now I can finally eat my soft pretzel. I get them made special, you want to know how?
David Valentine Jr.: From the looks of your BP, I would guess you get them with extra salt?
Kilroy Evans: (with his mouth full of pretzel) No, I get them with extra salt!
Athletic Commissioner.: (to David) Check that cut, it doesn’t look completely healed.
David Valentine Jr makes eye contact with Evan Valentine Jr. then signals for him to step in
Evan Valentine Jr.: Um, yo did what's his name take care of you yet?
Athletic Commissioner.: I don’t think so, no.
Evan Valentine Jr.: My bad. Let me get you set up then.
Evan walks off with his arm around the athletic commissioner to go get his bribe, while Kilroy chews on his pretzel. Backstage interviewer Kevin Valentine Jr. walks up to him with microphone in hand, Hardkore Camera Jackie Valentine Jr. following him with his camera
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Hey there, Kilroy.
Kilroy Evans: Kevin, you got so big!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: (embarrassed, looks at the camera) ) Um, thanks.
Kilroy Evans: Remember when you had a Kilroy Kake for your 8th birthday party?
Kevin Valentine Jr.: A little, but I don’t think I didn’t got a slice of it that year.
Kilroy Evans: (another mouthful of pretzel) You didn’t, and boy did you let everyone in that party know it. I tried telling your uncle that the host is supposed to eat last, but I wound up doing all that month’s radio appearances anyway.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: That cake was supposed to serve 50 kids.
Kilroy Evans: I was starving. You didn’t have any food besides the cake.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: We had pizza.
Kilroy Evans: You had Domino’s!
Kevin Valentine Jr.: It doesn’t matter. I wanted to get a soundbite from you about your upcoming Hardkore World Tag Team Championship ladder match against The Anointed.
Kilroy Evans: Absolutely, let’s step inside my office and I can give you anything you need.
Kevin and Jackie follow Kilroy as he walks over and opens his dressing room door, Shockingly, inside the room, is a donkey with a bow around it’s neck
Kevin Valentine Jr.: What? Who would leave a donkey inside your locker room? Is it Dinky?
Kilroy Evans: (sniffs in the air, twice) No. Doesn’t smell like him.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: There’s a note!
Kilroy peers over at the mule and sees a note safety pinned to the bow
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen walks up behind Kilroy and puts his arm around Kilroy. Kilroy continues to stare in awe at the little donkey.
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen: This from Uncle Claymore. She is Dinky's sister, Dina. Take good care. She likes carrots and ice cream and pie.
Kilroy Evans: So do I, Glorious Wolf. So do I.
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Aw, that’s sweet of him. I think we have some carrots in catering…
Kilroy isn’t listening because he’s too busy feeding Dina a pie
Kevin Valentine Jr.: What kind of pie is that?
Kilroy Evans: (excited) Gooseberry! (to Dina) There you go, eat up that pie. Mmm, that’s good, huh? Can I have some?
Kilroy dips his face into the pie and soon Kilroy and Dina are sharing the same pie
Kevin Valentine Jr.: Um…
Kevin does the cut sign to Jackie Valentine Jr. and they slowly back away while a hungry Dina and Kilroy and no napkins share a gooseberry pie with Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen looks on. Fade back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a match that has long been debated in message boards and amongst die hard fans for years. Two wrestler’s wrestlers. Las Vegas’ own Tap Out owner Cross Recoba and 5 times Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion The Great Syberus.
Phillip Blauer: As a kid, every fan in this building, and all of them watching at home, played this match out with their action figures at night while the music in their parents’ bedroom was very loud. If you got hungry and knocked on their bedroom door, your sweaty Dad would answer and tell you to go and eat a hot pocket, champ.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok. Not only are these two master technicians in the ring, but they both own a razor sharp intellect that has both camps wondering who can out flank the other.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the T-Mobile Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The High Caliber Wrestling Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The Vegas crowd leaps to their feet and cheers
Phillip Blauer: Wow, would you listen to that? Much different than the reaction he got in Providence, Albuquerque and Santa Fe.
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is his hometown, where he runs the wildly successful Tap Out, who recently had a great gate last month with the Poena vs. Close Collins rematch.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the cheering audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the town where he has struggled to even eat. He played college football as a wide receiver here and owes a lot to this city.
Phillip Blauer: I remember when he played. I won some money with him until the injury. They were nothing without him. Sure, they played a bowl game that year, but they never covered the spread.
Cross Recoba holds up the cane to get a huge pop from the hometown fans. He soaks in the response and then begins walking down the ramp still holding it aloft
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba claims that Syberus has been slipping as of late. He points to his recent loss of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship to Marty Donovan as proof that he isn’t the same Syberus who won the title four previous times.
Cross Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba feels like Syberus has isolated himself here on the West Coast where he is familiar, while Cross competes in the international XHF events. The Rookie, Little Dragon, and numerous fans have both gone down to The Garibaldi's Guillotine, and now he wants Syberus to be the next.
Recoba sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that gets a huge ovation from the T-Mobile Center. Fana hold up dozens of Cross Recoba signs as well as that picture of Syberus headed towards Garibaldi's Guillotine, and one that says “Syberus Sucks”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross feels he’s got the mental edge because with Syberus’ usual minimizing of his opponents, he can’t lose or it will shatter his confidence. We’ll see if that mindset will achieve his greatest victory since coming to Hardkore World.
Phillip Blauer: Frankly, I’d love to see it. That guy always walks around with his nose up in the air, telling us what fork to use and always pointing out that I’ve got Baja Chalupa sauce on my suit. Sorry we weren’t all brought up at the finest boarding schools with the smartest wizards. But this is America, and we don’t care if we got Baja Chalupa sauce on our suit. You know what smart guy? It’s the same stain as last month, I just didn’t wash it!
Guillermo O’Bannon: God, Phil. People can hear you, you know?
Phillip Blauer: Egads, is that true?
Phil looks at the mic on his headset suspiciously
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first; From Las Vegas, Nevada!!”
The crowd blows the roof off the T-Mobile Arena with an ear splitting pop. Cross Recoba nods and smiles in appreciation
Greg Jin: “Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing 230 pounds; He is The Self-Proclaimed 'Box Office Smash of the XHF Network'; The CEO of Tap Out Wrestling and The HCW Diamond Champion...'THE FOX' CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Las Vegas fans roar as Cross stands to his full height and steps over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match. The crowd starts chanting “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!”
Then the lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens. "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Vegas crowd jeers as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it Syberus emerges, his robe open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage with big Wayne Tanner Jr. walking out in a suit and cowboy hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: That is not the reaction Syberus is used to getting.
Phillip Blauer: These people are also tired of being told when they have month old stains on their clothes! Maybe this is a revolution? Maybe this will be the cool thing now? Having Baja Chalupa sauce all over yourself.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know if it’s going to bother Syberus, he’s been on both sides of the crowds during his 20 year career. He’s been wrestling in Vegas since 2005 when he was “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and he lost by countout to Tarrasque who’s currently appearing in the CWF.
Syberus takes a brief look around at the crowd with a fan holding up a “Cross Is Gonna Kill You” sign before heading down the ramp. Wayne Tanner Jr. has to hold back a few fans reaching over the guardrail at Syberus
Phillip Blauer: Wayne Tanner Jr. should really be handing out Buy 3 Tires Get The 4th One Free Tanner’s Tires coupons for every fan he’s pie facing here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: With a free inspection and they top off your fluids, that’s not a bad deal. Syberus said earlier tonight that he doesn’t venture outside Hardkore World because it’s got the history that no other company does.
Phillip Blauer: He told Cross Recoba he had to show up in his territory, but we kind of split the difference because we’re in Cross’ hometown.
Once up the ring steps Syberus wipes his feet on the apron before stooping through the ropes. He circles the ring for a second while Wayne Tanner Jr. steps through the ropes without losing his cowboy hat. Syberus hops up in one corner and raising his fists in the air
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus is in championship form here tonight, with his biggest challenge since returning to the ring back in 2019.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by tonight’s sponsor, he is The CEO of Tanner’s Tires, Wayne Tanner Jr.; He hails from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 220 pounds; The only Five Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion In History…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”
The Las Vegas crowd loudly boos Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr.
One Fall Match, 30 Minute Time Limit
The Great Syberus vs. Cross Recoba
Referee Richie Richardson signals for the bell as Greg Jin and Wayne Tanner Jr. leave the ring, but Syberus and Cross Recoba just stare at one another from across the ring. The buzz of the crowd gets louder and louder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here we go fans, this has been talked about for years but now we’re finally getting it. Both men are rightfully cautious of the other, hesitant to make the first mistake in what is sure to be a chess game.
Phillip Blauer: That could be over the head of a lot of our viewers, he means like Yeti in the Spaghetti or Pop the Pig.
Cross Reboba and Syberus begin cautiously circling one another before finally locking up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus and Recoba jockeying for position in that lock-up, neither man getting a clear advantage.
After a lot of struggling, Cross Recoba tosses Syberus off, popping the crowd. Syberus shakes his head, and then shakes out his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba locks up with Syberus again and they tangle back and forth until Recoba is able back him into the ropes.
Syberus ducks his head under the ropes and Richie Richardson calls for the break. The audience boos and Cross Recoba puts his hands up in a show of sportsmanship
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba takes advantage of Syberus in the ropes and whacks him with a hard knife edge chop! He hits him with another that rings through the T-Mobile Arena!
The crowd heckles Syberus as he gets hit with another reverse knife edge chop before Richie Richardson gets in between them to back Recoba off
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus locks up with Cross Recoba once again and grabs a side headlock. He grips his hands together so he can grind that forearm across the temple of Cross Recoba.
The Las Vegas fans jeer Syberus as he clamps down on the headlock. Then he plants his feet and flips Recoba over into a side headlock takedown
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to torque the head and neck of Cross Recoba with that headlock on the mat. He begins to press Recoba’s shoulders to the mat.
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba rolls Syberus over into a cradle!
…ONE!
…Syberus rolls back over into a side headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus continuing to wear down Recoba with that side headlock.
A fan starts chanting “Booor-ing!” Referee Richie Richardson checks in to see if Recoba wants to make it an early night. More chants of “BOOOR-ING!” ring through the T-Mobile Arena as Cross Recoba works his way to his feet with Syberus hanging on to the side headlock
Phillip Blauer: I think they’re talking about your commentary, Griffin. Better step it up.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus definitely slowing down the pace here. Cross Recoba now pulling on Syberus’ ponytail, but Richie Richardson puts a stop to that. Recoba plants his feet and drops Syberus on the back of his head with a saito suplex!
The audience comes to life with a big pop as Syberus sits up in pain and then falls back down. Cross Recoba runs into the ropes and drops an elbow across his chest and makes a cover
…ONE!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba picks him up and nearly snap suplexes him out of his boots!
Syberus recovers in the corner. Recoba moves in on him, but Syberus takes him over into a hip toss. Recoba gets back up and gets immediately arm dragged to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with another lightning fast arm drag. He snap mares Recoba over and applies a front facelock. The last time The Great Syberus was here in Las Vegas was in 2009 when he went to a 30 minute time limit draw teaming with Rally Jackson, defending the Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the late Adrian Tanner Jr. and Andrew Karnage in a steel cage match.
Phillip Blauer: I remember it well, I was just getting over Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift when I heard Jon was leaving the Kate Plus Eight.
The crowd boos as Syberus leans back, locking his hands under his chin and leaning back on Recoba’s head, cutting off his air. Cross Recoba fights his way to his feet, but Syberus is still wearing him down with the front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba backdrops Syberus over his shoulder to escape the facelock!
The jeers turn to cheers as Cross Recoba catches his breath. He irish whips Syberus into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba follows Syberus in with a hard knee into the face!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” then start chanting “CROSS! CROSS! CROSS!” Cross Recoba irish whips Syberus into the ropes and takes him out with a high extension dropkick! The audience applauds the height he got on that
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He slingshots himself over the ropes into an elbow drop across Syberus’ sternum!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba scoops Syberus up but Syberus falls behind him with an inverted facelock, and then drops down into a reverse DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus twists Cross Recoba’s arm and then flips him over with an ippon seoi nage judo toss into a jujigatame!
The fans boo as Syberus rows back on Recoba’s arm with the cross armbar, with his legs holding Cross’ head and chest down. Richie Richardson checks in to see if Recoba wanted to tap out. The fans start chanting “SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS!” One woman in the front row is chanting in Wayne Tanner Jr.’s face and he just tips his hat to her and says “M’am.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba works his way to his feet, but Syberus stays on the mat hanging on to the jujigatame. Cross punches his way out of the armbar! Syberus rolls to his feet, but Cross is still throwing hands! Recoba goes for a kick, but Syberus catches his leg. Cross swings around into an enzuigiri!
The Las Vegas audience lets out another “OH!” as Syberus goes down like a redwood. Syberus tries to get up but Cross Recoba grabs him by his blonde hair and sits out in a facebuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba steps out onto the apron, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle, waiting for Syberus to get to his feet. He hops off with a missile dropkick that catches Syberus right on the button!!
The crowd gives Recoba some more applause for his dropkicks. Recoba pulls him up by his long hair and tries to run his head into the turnbuckles, but Syberus puts his boot up to block it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Instead, Syberus smashes Recoba’s face into the turnbuckle, over and over!
A dazed Cross Recoba staggers back and Syberus catches him from behind with a backcracker! Recoba sits up with his back arched in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a ude garami keylock to Cross Recoba’s elbow and wrist. He clamps down on Recoba’s wrist while trying to twist and hyperextend his elbow.
Referee Richie Richardson asks Recoba but he shakes his head, vehemently refusing. Syberus then makes the cover with his stomach covering Recoba’s face so he can’t get any new air
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Ew. No one wants sweaty wrassler belly in their mouth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tries to hit him with a forearm, but Cross Recoba ducks it and grabs a rear waistlock. He lifts him into a perfect german suplex with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba scoops Syberus up and then drops down into a shoulderbreaker. Syberus staggers to his feet and is caught from behind with a zig zag!
The fans cheer Cross Recoba wildy and then start chanting “CROSS! CROSS! CROSS!” Cross pulls Syberus up and rolls him around into a hangman’s neckbreaker! Syberus rolls to his side and holds the back of his neck
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus catches Recoba coming in with a drop toehold that sends Cross throatfirst into the second rope. Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps onto the small of Recoba’s back, driving his throat into the ropes.
Recoba falls back, clutching his throat and struggling to breathe. Syberus grabs a rear naked choke on Cross Recoba and the T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos
Guillermo O’Bannon: 110% Syberus presses his forearm down across Cross Recoba’s windpipe, while leaning back on his head and neck as Recoba tries to hang on while Syberus tries to put the lights out. You know, Phil, it was in this very town where he successfully defended the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against Marty Donovan in a ladder match in 2006.
Phillip Blauer: Why would I know that? You’re living in the past, man. I have more important things to do, like leaving comments on YouTube videos of teenagers about how they’re behavior are indicators of my generation being morally superior. Have you done this, Garth? It’s exhilarating. Whatever they do, just leave a comment that says “Now change a tire.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Speaking of tires, lest we forget Tanner’s Tires! (reading from copy) “Tanner’s Tires, where we have popcorn machines in the waiting room, so we can focus on delivering our thorough service, and you aren’t incessantly asking our receptionist if your car is done yet. Tanner’s Tires! Tires Run Through The Veins Of The Great American People.”
Phillip Blauer: Don’t they have a special this week that just can’t be beat?
Guillermo O’Bannon: The rumors are true, Phil. When you purchase a car wash, you get, free of charge, three air fresheners that smell like colognes from the early 90s…
Phillip Blauer: If any of them are Drakkar Noir, I am about to make Wayne Tanner Jr. a rich man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba refusing to tap out to the rear naked choke and bridges his legs so that now Syberus’ shoulders are pinned to the mat.
…ONE!
…Syberus releases the rear naked choke!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus irish whips Cross, but Recoba reverses it and catches Syberus with a side suplex with an elbow drop on the way down!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba laces his leg over the back of Syberus’ neck and drops down into a leg drop bulldog!
The fans cheer and Cross Recoba pulls him up and shoots him to the ropes. He ducks under Syberus’ arm, ties up their legs, and then somersaults into a ranhei cradle
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both roll to their feet, but Syberus takes him out with a basement dropkick to his knees. He rolls down his kneepad, and delivers a Muscle Killer kneedrop to Recoba’s knee. Syberus crosses Recoba’s legs and turns him over into a texas cloverleaf!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Syberus plants his feet and sits low on the cloverleaf. Wayner Tanner Jr. gives a “Yee-hah!” on the outside while Tommy Milligan asks if Recoba wants to give it up
Phillip Blauer: God, that was right in my ear!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba crawling towards the ropes while Syberus continues to do as much damage as he can with the cloverleaf.
Cross reaches the ropes and the crowd cheers. Tommy Milligan forces Syberus to release the texas cloverleaf, which Syberus does with an eye roll
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus irish whips him into the ropes, but Cross hops onto the middle of the top rope, turns around and springboard missile dropkicks Syberus!! Wow!
The Las Vegas crowd gives him a huge ovation for that maneuver. Cross pulls Syberus’ head into his legs and lifts him up for a crucifix
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba drops down into a neckbreaker!!
The fans pop as Syberus flops on the mat like a fish out of water. Recoba climbs to the top turnbuckle and then takes flight with a flying elbow
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cross Recoba kicks out!
Recoba irish whips him but Syberus baseball slides under the ropes to the floor. Recoba follows after him, but Syberus pulls out the Tanner’s Tires sponsored ring apron and traps Recoba’s legs in it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus bashes the trapped Cross Recoba with a series of stiff right hands, and then rakes his eyes. He pulls him over towards the audience and then russian leg sweeps the back of his head into the railing!!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Recoba’s skull hitting the steel guardrail. Syberus rolls Cross back into the ropes and then stands on the apron. Recoba gets back to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs Recoba by the arm, but Cross rakes his eyes. He pushes a blinded and off balance Syberus off the apron, and he smacks the railing on the way down!
Phillip Blauer: He had that well scouted from watching tape.
The fans cheer Syberus hitting the railing while Recoba runs into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus turns around on the floor just as Cross Recoba leaps over the ropes and dropkicks him into the railing!! The Million Lira Dropkick!
The audience leaps to their feet and gives Cross Recoba a thunderous pop as both men lie on the T-Mobile Arena floor, exhausted. The Las Vegas fans chant “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!”
Phillip Blauer: He’s more beloved here than the seafood buffet at Circus, Circus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I do like their jambalaya shrimp skewers.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Cross Recoba now has rolled Syberus up onto the apron and gets up there with him. Some in the audience gasp at the precarious position both men are in, and Cross Recoba grabs the rope and kicks Syberus in the stomach. He lifts Syberus up into a sitout DDT on the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Staten Island Drop!
Phillip Blauer: Right on the Tanner’s Tires apron.
The chants of “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!” are deafening as Syberus holds the top of his head and kicks his toes into the apron in pain. Wayne Tanner Jr. tries to fan him with his cowboy hat but Cross Recoba pulls Syberus off the apron by the hair
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with a kick to the knee he was wearing down earlier, and another hard kick to his shin. He smashes Recoba’s face into the apron! Again, he smashes Recoba’s face into that sponsored apron we have tonight.
Wayne Tanner Jr. yells at Hardkore Cameraman Jackie Valentine Jr. “Get a good shot of that, ol’ boy!” Syberus rolls Recoba back into the ring and hangs his throat over the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps on the small of Recoba’s back, driving his throat into the middle rope!
The audience boos and starts chanting “SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS! SYBERUS SUCKS!” Syberus looks amused and then flicks his hair out of his eyes and then flips his head back, in mockery of Cross’ entrance and the jeers get louder and louder
Phillip Blauer: Lesser men have killed over a guy stealing their hair flip.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pulls him up and hits him with a stiff right cross.
Phillip Blauer: Apropos.
Syberus cracks him with another left, but Recoba ducks third one and atomic drops him on the steel cable hook behind the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba climbs to the second rope behind him, and hops off, catching Syberus from behind with a reverse hurricanrana off the top rope!!
The audience comes to life as both men lie on the mat in a human car crash. The fans chant “CROSS!! CROSS!! CROSS!!” as Cross drapes his arm over Syberus
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba pulls him up into cravate, and then backflips behind him with a sitout shirunai!! The Sicilian Typewriter! He cradles the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Syberus kicks out!
The Las Vegas audience lets out a loud “NO!!” of disappointment as Cross Recoba sits up in disbelief.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba pulls Syberus’ head into his legs, and lifts him up into a powerbomb, but Syberus rolls out into a diamond cutter!!
The air gets taken out of The T-Mobile Arena and you can hear a pin drop. Wayne Tanner Jr. begins pounding one the Tanner’s Tires ring apron to wake up Syberus so he can cover Recoba
Phillip Blauer: This Vegas crowd looks shocked and sad like when one of those guys dressed as Spider Man to take pictures with tourists gets hit by a cab on The Strip. Not happy like when it happens to the guys dressed as Joker.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a half nelson hammerlock European Three Quarter Nelson! He pushes Recoba’s chin into his chest with one hand, while pulling up on Recoba’s chicken winged arm with his other arm.
The boos rain down as Syberus tries to finish off Recoba with the European Three Quarter Nelson. Tommy Milligan checks in with Cross but he shakes his head, grunting refusals through gritted teeth
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba backpedals into the corner and smashes Syberus’ back in the turnbuckles to escape the European Three Quarter Nelson. But Syberus turns around and kicks Recoba in the stomach. He grabs him in a facelock and rolls around into a swinging neckbreaker!
Cross Recoba sits up, his hair drenched in sweat, clutching the back of his neck. Syberus, wary of the time limit, immediately pulls him up to his feet. He scoops Recoba up but Cross falls behind him with an inverted facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba lifts him up and over into an osaka street cutter!! The Skim! He hooks the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba goes for a suplex, but Syberus rolls back into an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…(Cross Recoba rolls the cradle over)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba holding on to the ropes!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, come on!
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect plays as Cross Recoba rolls out of the ring into the arms of his adoring fans. Syberus kicks the bottom rope and argues with Tommy Milligan who keeps pointing to his own eyes
Greg Jin: “At 27 minutes 7 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…CROSS RECOBA!!!”
Phillip Blauer: Here in front of his hometown, Tap Out CEO Cross Recoba scores a clean win over the 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He had the ropes!
Phillip Blauer: You can’t hold the ropes? Show me where it says that? What if there was an earthquake?
Guillermo rummages around for the rulebook while Cross Recoba is at ringside getting his hand raised by Tommy Milligan. An exhausted Syberus stands in the ring with his hands on his hips as Recoba walks to the back, getting back pats from well wishers
Guillermo O’Bannon: I had it here, just for such an occasion and…anyway, folks. Cross Recoba has nonetheless defeated Syberus in this dream match, which surely puts him in contention for a shot at Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan at a later date.
Phillip Blauer: Wait, what?
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right.
Phillip Blauer: But he had the ropes!
Fade to backstage. Kilroy Evans is whispering with Hardkore Audio Kenny Valentine Jr. Kilroy hands him some money which Kenny takes quickly and stuffs in his pocket. Kenny Valentine Jr. nods at Kilroy and then turns around and leaves. Kilroy grins widely as he to his dressing room
Guillermo O’Bannon: What was that about?
Phillip Blauer: Knowing those two? Kilroy probably lost big at the pig races this weekend and is in hock to Kenny twenty large.
Fade out to commercial. We see Phil Blauer lounging shirtless in his pool as two swans swim around him.
Phil: Greetings, global icon Phil Blauer here. You know, next to my luscious head of hair, there is nothing I care more about in the world than my two swans. Oh, maybe my wife? I’ll have to think about it more. Regardless, I’ve always found pet stores to be heartbreaking. No matter which one I went to, the animals always seemed terrified and depressed. It’s clear what was happening, they were all jealous of my designer suits.
(The shot changes to Phil in a pet store. All the employees and shoppers are naked.)
Phil: That is why I’ve started Paw Naturel, Palm Springs’ only clothing optional pet store. Now all the rabbits and cats can rest easy in their tiny cages, not having to be confused by human constructs like nudity, shame, and low rise jeans.
(We see Marty Donovan standing by a table with a stack of headshots. He is naked except for the Hardkore World championship worn around his waist. A naked fan waits in line while a stressed Marty takes a phone call, yelling faintly being heard through the speaker.)
Phil: We’re more than pale flesh and milk bones here. We often have meet and greets with Hardkore World legends like Disney’s Marty Donovan!
Marty: Babe, you’re being ridiculous. Phil just said he needed an appearance at his struggling pet store. I never would have agreed if he told me the gimmick. Listen, they sell chameleons here. Do you want me to buy you a Pascal?
(The yelling continues and Marty rolls his eyes. He mouths a silent apology to the fan.)
Marty: Sweetie, the only thing this scene attracts are 65 year old, Portuguese men. I’ve seen zero naked women today. No, I do not sound disappointed!
(The shot changes to a nude man in a tie speaking to a group of naked senior citizens in the aquarium area.)
Phil: We’ve also had political speakers like the U.S. Representative for the 25th District, Raul Ruiz!
Raul Ruiz: We have an obligation to take care of our seniors and ensure they receive the benefits they have earned. These critical programs are commitments we have made to retirees, and I will oppose any effort that would cut these hard-earned benefits.
(The senior citizens applaud him. We see a naked Phil with numerous exotic birds perched on his head and arms.)
Phil: So come on down to Paw Naturel. It gives a new meaning to cock of the walk!
(The bird on Phil’s head starts pecking and the commentator freaks out. He flails around widely as the birds freak out.
Open up at Hardkore headquarters, The Office, in Palm Springs, California. Little Dragon is seated across from Judy Valentine Jr. in her cubicle of the open floor plan. She has a sign on her wall that says “I Should Have Invested In Tennis Balls, They Have A High Rate Of Return!” Judy is checking her glasses and checking the computer
Judy Valentine Jr.: …
Little Dragon shifts uncomfortably in his chair while Judy mutters under her breath
Judy Valentine Jr.: Sorry this is taking so long. Ok, so did you still want to be on your parents insurance?
Little Dragon: Actually I have insurance already and I am fully covered…
Judy Valentine Jr.: Great, then let me just look them up. That’s Dragon Belt…all one word?
Little Dragon: You need not worry since I am still fully covered and it's Little Dragon.
Judy Valentine Jr.: No, I know, hon, I mean your Daddy and he’s not coming up. That’s weird.
Little Dragon: Is this an outdated model that you are using?
The phone rings
Judy Valentine Jr.: I’m so sorry. Hang on.
Little Dragon: You have a call if it's important to Hardkore World's operations.
Judy answers the phone
Judy Valentine Jr.: Yello? Oh, hey Carol.
Judy puts her hand over the phone
Judy Valentine Jr.: It’s Carol from Finance.
Little Dragon: Of course.
Judy Valentine Jr.: Uh huh. Uh huh.
Judy laughs loudly and for a long time. Little Dragon looks around the office, bored
Judy Valentine Jr.: (wipes a tear) Ok, ok. Carol. I gotta go, I got him right here. We need to get lunch sometime again soon. Ok? Ok. I’ll see you.
Judy hangs up
Little Dragon: So you must have heard something quite funny.
Judy Valentine Jr.: I hate her guts.
Little Dragon: Do you both wish an autograph since I'm here?
Judy Valentine Jr.: Aw, bless your heart. Sure! Can you make one say “To Judy, You put the ‘talent’ in Talent Relations”, and the other says “To Carol, my second favorite person in The Office.”
Little Dragon nods
Judy Valentine Jr.: So Carol says the reason I’m not finding your father’s insurance plan is because we don’t offer you health insurance of any kind. Sorry you had to come all the way down here. Sour Patch Children? They’re the generic knockoff brand but you can hardly taste the difference as long as you stay away from green.
Little Dragon: I could have told you that since I already had my own insurance. I shall take my leave since my training schedule is tight but I shall send you and Carol autographed photos of me. I hope you have a great rest of the day.
Judy holds out a bowl of Sour Patch Children
Little Dragon: I’m afraid my strict diet will not allow me even one Sour Patch Child.
Fade back to the T-Mobile Arena, open on the ring with several ladders standing up underneath the Hardkore World Tag Team titles hung by a hook, Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. then fades back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is the next installment of this violent feud between The Anointed and The Society of the New Breed. Last month in Albuquerque, The Society of the New Breed retained their titles in a six man tornado match when Wayne Tanner Jr. returned and gave Alexander Von Blankenship a boot to the head to allow Syberus to make the pinfall. Now it’s “The Punisher” Dan Stein returning to the ring, teaming with “High Roller” Wesley Crane to take on Tuxedo Mask and Kilroy Evans in a ladder match for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles. N
Phillip Blauer: Who will return this week? Is it the Microshocker? Bobby Nowa? Or AWS Man? Oh, no wait, he died.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think AWS Man is still alive.
Phillip Blauer: Who am I thinking of? (snaps) The Pope.
The T-Mobile Arena darkens, and three heartbeats are heard.
Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again. But instead of the usual “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie, “Nobody Likes Me” by The Northern Boys plays
Phillip Blauer: What is this? Why are these old men yelling at me?
Guillermo O’Bannon: This may have been what that little transaction between Kilroy and Hardkore Audio Technician Kenny Valentine Jr. was about earlier.
Phillip Blauer: Are you kidding me? It’s that easy to pierce the inner sanctum that is the bond between pro wrestlers and their audio techs? Is corruption suddenly a part of professional wrestling?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Umm…
A pissed off “The Punisher” Dan Stein and Wesley Crane walk out through the curtain wearing sunglasses. The Anointed shake it off as Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone while Stein still has a scowl on his face. Crane lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin. Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots, and his elbow taped. Stein brings a worn, taped up black club called the Peacemaker with him as well
Phillip Blauer: As they block out this noise Kilroy paid Kenny to play, here they are, Gracie. The next great tag team of the sport. The Lightning Express, Tekno Team 2000, The Baldies. I’ve seen them all. But Dan Stein and Niles Crane?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane.
Phillip Blauer: Wesley Crane? You’re talking power, high flying, and a High Roller going all in for the Hardkore World tag team titles in Vegas!
Crane and Stein slowly make their way down to the ring with Wesley looking around at the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: This will be Wesley Crane’s first ladder match, with his partner and opponents being decorated veterans of ladder matches.
Phillip Blauer: Egads, is that really a thing?
Guillermo O’Bannon: However, Dan Stein is well versed in ladder matches and is hoping to try some stuff with Tuxedo Mask, and is also hoping to get Kilroy’s attention by taking the Hardkore World Tag Team Titles from them. This is the town where he won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship from Lucifer Jones in a hair vs. title match in 2006.
Once they’re ringside, Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring with Dan Stein.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is predicting a big night for The Anointed. He was undefeated until just recently when he lost a Wrestle UK title match to Billy Fowler at New Year’s Brawl in Glasgow, Scotland. He has to try and shake that loss off and focus on two very dangerous opponents in two time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Kilroy Evans and former Hardkore Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask with an unfamiliar partner in “The Punisher” Dan Stein. This is Stein’s first title match since returning to the ring, and as much as he pretends that doesn’t effect him, that has to be in the back of his mind.
Greg Jin: “The following is a Ladder Match for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship! 30 Minute Time Limit, Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, from Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 pounds, He is the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup Winner…’HIGH ROLLER’ WESLEY CRANE!! His partner is from Murder City, Detroit, Michigan; He Stands 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; A former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, He is Dan The Man…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!! They are THE ANOINTED!!!”
The Las Vegas audience boos loudly as Wesley Crane stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open while Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker
Then "Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays and the fans jump to their feet! The Hardkore World Tag Team Champions Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask walk out through the curtain. Tux walks to one side of the ramp and soaks in the cheers of the T-Mobile Arena
Phillip Blauer: And there he is, the proud owner of a new donkey. Again.
Tuxedo Mask walks to the other side of the ramp and motions for the crowd to get louder while Kilroy Evans walks to the ring in a relaxed pace
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask know they are against a tough pair of Dan Stein and Wesley Crane but Kilroy says they are betting on themselves here in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: I suspect they’ll be coming up snake eyes against the High Roller and The Punisher.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Dan Stein and Kilroy Evans were in Las Vegas together was when they teamed together in a a wargames match in 2009 with Dougie Ray Bullet, Poke the Clown and Cecil Kennedy as The Manhattan Project and they lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles to The Untouchable Highlights of Humanity: "Platinum" Pat Bozzini, Ken Shiro, Requiem, Legacy, and Aaron Rupp.
Kilroy Evans slaps some fans hands in the aisleway. Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to pop the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wow!
Phillip Blauer: I see he’s cleaned himself up since that drunken embarrassment last month in Albuquerque.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Indeed. Clear headed in Las Vegas, ironically. The Society of the New Breed hoping to take out The Anointed for good in this match with Tuxedo Mask’s ability to fly with that ladder, and Kilroy’s proclivity for violence.
Kilroy Evans points to a sign that says “Where’s Domino?” in the crowd as Tuxedo Mask slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for some more love and affection from the Las Vegas fans. Once Kilroy Evans is in the ring, he's still all smiles, but is completely focused on Dan Stein and Wesley Crane
Greg Jin: “And their opponents, From Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches and Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure...TUXEDO MASK!!! From Attbury, South Carolina; He stands at 5 feet 11 inches; and He is the Undisputed Owner of Dinky The Mule, The Attbury Assassin….KILROY EVANS!! They are the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE SOCIETY OF THE NEW BREED!!!”
The Las Vegas fans let out a thunderous pop as Kilroy Evans locks eyes with Dan Stein, never blinking
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship
Ladder Match
The Society of the New Breed vs. The Anointed
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane pops Kilroy Evans with a right hand, while Dan Stein hammers Tuxedo Mask with a forearm. Stein smashes Tux with another hard forearm to the back.
Wesley Crane pops Evans between the eyes with a jab. Tuxedo Mask grabs Stein with a side headlock. The 5’8, 185 pound Tux confidently cranks that headlock on the 6’7 Dan Stein as the crowd buzzes with worry
Phillip Blauer: Oh, he thinks he’s got this.
Unbeknownst to Tux, Dan Stein puts up one finger to the audience. Tuxedo Mask smiles as he gives another turn on the headlock. Wesley Crane boots Kilroy in the stomach
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane with an elbow to Kilroy’s back. Meanwhile, Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask’s foot and lifts him up into a shinbreaker atomic drop!
The fans boo as Tuxedo Mask hobbles off to the mat. Kilroy Evans snap mares Wesley Crane to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein smashes Kilroy with a forearm to the chest. He grabs Evans by the wrist and irish whips him into one of the ladders in the corner!!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Kilroy hitting the steel ladder. Wesley Crane rocks Tuxedo Mask with a european uppercut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane hits Tuxedo Mask with another european uppercut. On the side of the ring, Dan Stein now stomping Kilroy Evans into that ladder!
Dan Stein stomps Evans again, driving him into that ladder. Wesley Crane goes for a suplex, but Tuxedo Mask blocks it
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask snap suplexes Wesley Crane hard to the mat. “The Punisher” Dan Stein is choking Kilroy Evans with his boot as Evans is laid out against the ladder leaning in the corner!
Kilroy Evans’ eyes are bugging out of their sockets as Dan Stein uses all of his 285 pounds to step on Evans’ windpipe. Tuxedo Mask kisses his own fist and hits Dan Stein with a big haymaker of his own! Dan Stein no-sells it and the cheers turn to jeers
Phillip Blauer: I don’t think Tux dented his mustache.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask by the lapels and tosses him into Kilroy Evans on the ladder leaning in the corner!!
The Las Vegas fans let out another “OH!!” Wesley Crane stomps both Tux and Kilroy against the ladder until they both fall down to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pulls Kilroy Evans up but Kilroy grabs two handfuls of his hair and headbutts him. Dan Stein applies an abdominal stretch on Tuxedo Mask. With his height advantage, this is especially painful for poor Tux.
Kilroy Evans gives Wesley Crane another headbutt. Dan Stein plants his foot and leans back on the abdominal stretch, making Tux cry out in pain. Evans scoops Wesley Crane and then drops him into a shoulderbreaker
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans goes over and kicks Stein in the kidneys to break up the abdominal stretch he had on Tuxedo Mask. Dan Stein staggers back and Tuxedo Mask whacks him upside the head with an enzuigiri kick!
The T-Mobile Arena lets out a loud “OH!” Tux follows it up with a roundhouse kick, but Dan Stein still stands! The impressed crowd buzzes while Dan pounds his chest
Phillip Blauer: These are mosquito bites for Dan Stein.
Kilroy Evans grabs one of the ladders and leans it against the turnbuckle while Tux begs off from an angry Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein lifts Tuxedo Mask up high for the chokeslam, but Tux lands on the middle of the top rope. He tightrope walks into a hurricanrana on Dan Stein!!
The fans cheer as Dan Stein pounds the mat in frustration and gets right back up. Kilroy Evans pulls Wesly Crane up, but he grabs Kilroy and hits him with a double knee to the face
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Tuxedo Mask presses him high over his head!
Phillip Blauer: That’s like a gallon of milk for Dan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stien tosses Tux over the top rope to the floor below!! Wesley Crane lifts Kilroy Evans up into a suplex, but drops him on his head with a brainbuster!
The Las Vegas crowd jeers as Tuxedo Mask tries to collect himself on the floor. Dan Stein picks Kilroy Evans up into a bearhug. He locks his hands together against the small of Evans’ back and uses his body to crush Kilroy’s ribs and prevent him from getting much air
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane lands some well placed right hands on Kilroy while he’s helpless in Dan Stein’s bearhug. Kilroy has incredibly lost the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship twice in this town. Once In 2007, in another ladder match with Adrian Tanner Jr. and Andrew Karnage as The Un-Stable to Cobryn, James Fierce and Vincen Silvestri as The Next Chapter. And then again in 2005, when he, Hero and Andrew Karnage as The Unstable lost them to the Tengu Clan.
Kilroy cries out in pain as Dan Stein clamps down on the bearhug. Suddenly Hardkore Security grabs Tuxedo Mask and rams him shoulder first into the ringpost!! The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos
Guillermo O’Bannon: What the hell??
Phillip Blauer: It appears that Hardkore Security mistook Tuxedo Mask for a deranged fan and neutralized him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?
Tuxedo Mask lies on the arena floor clutching his shoulder, screaming in pain
Phillip Blauer: Overzealous security. Happens all the time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane starts setting up the ladder underneath the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Here we go!
The Hardkore Security guard has his back to the camera as his pushes his finger in his ear piece, talking to the production truck. His jacket says “Lare Bear”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wait, I know that jacket! That’s head of Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr.!
Phillip Blauer: You sure? There’s a lot of guys called Lare Bear.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane now climbing up that ladder! Kilroy Evans headbutts Dan Sten over and over, until he is free of the bearhug! Kilroy Evans grabs Wesley Crane from behind and plucks him off the ladder with a german suplex!!
The Las Vegas crowd celebrates with relief but Kilroy Evans turns around into a discus clothesline by Dan Stein! Then the crowd erupts as Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr. start walking down to the ring
Phillip Blauer: What are they doing down here? Can something not be about Syberus for a few minutes?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fellow Society of the New Breed members Syberus and Wayne Tanner Jr down at ringside to investigate the situation. Inside the ring, Dan Stein lifts Kilroy Evans up into a suplex and just holds him up there.
The audience jeers while Wesley Crane lies a ladder down on the mat. After letting all the blood drain to his head, Stein finally drops Kilroy in the suplex. Syberus goes to question the Hardkore Security guard, who backpedals into Wayne Tanner Jr. Tanner grabs the jacket and tears it off, along with the hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Disney’s Marty Donovan!
Phillip Blauer: (unconvincing) What? Why is he wearing Larry’s coat? That’s weird, right? Maybe Marty is filling in for Larry’s shift so Larry can hit the tables? Guy’s kind of a degenerate…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus lighting into Marty Donvoan!
The T-Mobile Arena erupts while Wayne Tanner Jr. and Syberus are taking turns beating Marty up and down the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: Someone get security!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, Dan Stein irish whips Kilroy into Wesley who spinebusters him onto a ladder!!
Kilroy Evans arches his back in pain. Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. finally shows up and unsuccessfully tries to contain the brawl between Marty, Wayne and Syberus on the ramp. Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. and Kelly O’Connell check on Tuxedo Mask, who seems immobilized
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask has not moved since who we now know as Disney’s Marty Donovan, rammed his shoulder into the cornerpost.
Phillip Blauer: A casualty of good security gone awry.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans fighting a handicap match now. Wesley Crane moves in, but Kilroy Evans drop toeholds Crane face first into the ladder!!
The crowd reacts with delight as Crane clutches his face and kicks his toes into the mat in pain. Out in the crowd, Wayne Tanner Jr. bashes Marty in the face, and Marty runs out through the merchandise tables
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tanner and Syberus giving chase to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion! Inside the ring, Kilroy Evans gives Dan Stein a roundhouse kick!
Phillip Blauer: “The Punisher” Dan Stein no-sells it!
The audience groans, Kilroy sighs, and Dan Stein drops down into a fujiwara armbar. At ringside, Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. has loaded Tuxedo Mask on a stretcher
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein pulls up on Kilroy’s arm and shoulder, nearly standing on the mat with his trapped shoulder. Wesley Crane stomping and kicking Evans as well. Tuxedo Mask now being taken off on the stretcher, and Kilroy is officially alone in this Hardkore World Tag Team Title defense.
The fans boo Tux being carried away while The Anointed are double teaming Kilroy Evans in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: This seems to be the well crafted plot of The Anointed to steal the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Just another bad luck story in Sin City for The Society of the New Breed if you ask me.
The Las Vegas crowd suddenly comes to life as someone is making their way to ringside
Phillip Blauer: Now who in the dickens is that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Is that Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen??
Phillip Blauer: It can’t be. (puts his glasses on)
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen pats Tuxedo Mask on the gurney as he walks by and Tux nods. Then he turns and tries to stop him but the EMTs walk Tux’s stretcher to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen hits a confused Dan Stein with a european uppercut. He catches an oncoming Wesley Crane with a clothesline.
Phillip Blauer: Who is letting him do this? Didn’t he set up the ring?
Van Thijmen dropkicks Dan Stien who backs up a few steps. Dirk van Thijmen irish whips Wesley Crane into the ropes and hits him with a Polish hammer, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: Where is security?? (whimpers) Lare Bear???
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein is about to get his hands on Dirk van Thijmen, but Kilroy Evans starts biting him!!
The fans erupt as Stein screams in pain. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen grabs Crane by the legs and slingshots him into the ladder!! Las Vegas cheers the sound of Crane’s head hitting the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans full nelsons Dan Stein and then pitches him facefirst into the ladder with a reverse russian legsweep!!
Dan Stein clutches his face and rolls around the mat while Kilroy Evans rolls under the ring. Kilroy ducks his head under the Tanner’s Tires ring apron and pulls out Christmas presents
Phillip Blauer: Is that where I left Dorothy’s present?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure who those are, but Kilroy unwraps one and it is a super soaker!
Phillip Blauer: Never mind, some divorced dad must have left those under there in the 90s.
Kilroy Evans tosses the supersoaker to Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen in the ring and the crowd cheers
Phillip Blauer: Good gracious, don’t arm him!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Glorious Wolf squirts Wesley Crane who looks pretty annoyed but otherwise unharmed.
Wesley Crane looks revolted as he starts smelling something
Phillip Blauer: What is that? Holy smokes, you don’t think Kilroy just poisoned Wesley or something? It could be anything!
Wesley Crane: Was that water? What was that?
Dirk van Thijmen shrugs and Crane continues to sniff to figure out what he got sprayed with. On the outside of the ring, Kilroy whistles and tries to walk away
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein grabs Kilroy Evans around the throat and lifts him up in the air with both arms, throttling Kilroy Evans!!
Phillip Blauer: What is that smell?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s asparagus water, alright?
Phillip Blauer: Don’t give me that. Kilroy hasn’t touched an asparagus as long as he’s lived.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein drops Kilroy Evans on the concrete with a sit-out chokeslam!!
The audience winces. Wesley Crane asks Stein if he can smell him to see what he has on him, but Stein puts up both hands as a sign that he was on his own
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane charges in but Dirk catches him with a spin kick!
Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen irish whips Crane into the ropes and goes for a flying forearm but Crane catches him in mid-air with a jumping european uppercut!! Dan Stein rolls into the ring and sets up a ladder in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein irish whips van Thijmen into the ladder!! He comes over and drives his shoulder into Glorious Wolf over and over, ramming van Thijmen’s back into the ladder as well!
The T-Mobile Center boos. Kilroy climbs back into the ring but he walks right into Wesley Crane who lifts him up on his shoulders
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane runs into a death valley driver on Kilroy! He backs up and spears van Thijmen into that ladder!!
The crowd lets out a loud “OH!” Dan Stein knocks down the ladder, and hits Kilroy Evans with a headbutt, another headbutt, and another. He sits out into a facebuster on the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Detroit Hangover on the ladder!! In 2006, this is the city where he successfully defended his Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship over the late Adrian Tanner Jr.
Phillip Blauer: 17 years later it’ll be the city where he loses the Hardkore World Tag Team titles to The Anointed.
Kilroy Evans rolls out of the ring, Dan Stein sticks his head between van Thinjman’s legs, then lifts him up on his back. Stein flips him forward for an alabama slam!! Wesley Crane puts the ladder underneath the belts
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane now climbing up to get the belts!
Kilroy Evans unwraps another present under the ring and it’s a brick with eyeballs, hair, arms and legs glued on
Phillip Blauer: Why it’s a Mr. Potatobrick! I had one of those as a lad, when my parents didn’t make enough at the lye factory to afford a real…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy chicks it into the ring and hits Wesley Crane in the head, knocking him off the ladder!!
Phillip Blauer: They are not to be thrown! It says very clearly on the box!
Wesley Crane lies on the mat, seeing stars. Kilroy Evans climbs back into the ring and starts climbing up the ladder, but “The Punisher” Dan Stein climbs up the other side
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy reaches out for those belts, but Dan Stein grabs him in a guillotine choke on the top of the ladder!!
The T Mobile Arena rocks with boos as Stein uses all of his 285 pounds and gravity to put pressure on Kilroy’s head and neck, both men perilously on the top of the cage
Phillip Blauer: Kilroy is out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: You might be right, now all Dan Stein has to do is reach up and…Dirk van Thijmen tipped over the cage with both men on it!!
The crowd roars and three men are laid out in the middle of the ring. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen looks up at the belts and gets an idea, popping the crowd
Phillip Blauer: No…No, no, no…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes! Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen now setting up that ladder, and he is climbing up towards the Hardkore World Tag Team title belts! But someone stops him!
Phillip Blauer: Yes!
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Tuxedo Mask!
The fans cheer and Tuxedo Mask explains that he’s ok to continue with the match to a confused Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen
Phillip Blauer: How many members is this team allowed to have Kelly??
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now it’s back to two, and Tuxedo Mask climbs up to the top of the ladder with only one arm, but Wesley Crane runs up the ladder on the other side and hits him in the face with his v trigger knee In The Face!!
Tuxedo Mask falls to the mat like a fallen tree!! Wesley Crane steadies himself on the top of the ladder as Kilroy Evans begins climbing up the ladder
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane reaches up and grabs the Hardkore World Tag Team belts as Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell!
Phillip Blauer: Hot dog!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Society of the New Breed might have won the match, but Tuxedo Mask wanted to be the one that did it, and it may have cost them the tag team titles!
“I’m So Paid’ by Akon plays as Wesley Crane drops down to his feet with the Hardkore World Tag Team titles. He hands one to Dan Stein who holds it over his head, roaring at the booing crowd
Greg Jin: “At 24 Minutes 26 Seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…THE ANOINTED!!!”
Phillip Blauer: That’s what you get for having a narcissist on the team, but never mind that, look at how that belt looks on Wesley Crane!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan injured Tuxedo Mask to take him out of the mat. Luckily, or maybe oddly, Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen decided to take Tuxedo Mask’s place.
Phillip Blauer: Which needs to be looked at by the Hardkore World Competition Committee. You can just have any Dutch guy substitute for you. Right?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, Phil but ultimately it wasn’t successful and the new team of “The Punisher” Dan Stein and Wesley Crane are the new Hardkore World Tag Team Champions. These two have the ability to be a dominant tag team here on the West Coast, and now every member of The Anointed has gold.
Phillip Blauer: (slings his Hardkore Journalist title belt over his shoulder) Boy howdy.
Phil pats his belt while Wesley Crane and Dan Stein stand on the second turnbuckles with the Hardkore World Tag Team titles strapped around their waist. Kilroy Evans and Dirk “Glorious Wold” van Thijmen help Tuxedo Mask to the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: But we’ll see if The Anointed can add the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship to their stable as our main event is coming up fans, don’t go away!
The Las Vegas crowd jeers as Wesley Crane pose with Crane’s arms wide open, and Stein with the Hardkore World Tag Team title belt held over his head as we face to commercial
A sub-urban mom is shown cooking breakfast at the stove, and she turns with a bright smile as she flips some eggs onto a plate.
Mom: Who wants some eggs?
At the table her child looks up clad in black, he frowns as he slams a hand down on the table. The silverware clatters, and he leans forward as he half rises from the table with a hiss.
Kid: Eggs? Our world drifts further and further into the Abyss, and you ask me about eggs? The sport of Kings is under siege by bad comedy and mediocrity! Eggs, you say?
Mom stares, her head tilting as she looks at the plate in confusion.
Mom: They’re sunny side up?
The hand slams down again!
Kid: Sunny side up!?! This world is our prison! We are meant to be gods! Sunny side up, eh?
STOP!
Every year millions of people across the world become afflicted with Donzig-gun. They become sure that the world is a living hell, the universe hates us, and we are all falling into a black Abyss! Nothing starts to matter except their domination over the Sport of Kings, and the world of flesh.
Act now! Be aware of the warning signs!
Every year millions of people across the world become afflicted with Donzig-gun. They become sure that the world is a living hell, the universe hates us, and we are all falling into a black Abyss! Nothing starts to matter except their domination over the Sport of Kings, and the world of flesh.
Act now! Be aware of the warning signs!
– Do they need to always dress in black or red?
Two girls are seen shopping in the mall, one of them holds up a pretty pink dress. She holds it against herself, and the other girl nods. Then a third girl sticks her head up, and frowns.
Girl: Pink? What are you some kind of degenerate? The world is falling into the Void, and you want to wear pink?
The girls look confused.
– Obsessed with skulls?
A kid is seen sitting in his room, holding a skull in his hand as he leans back at his desk. The room is lined with skulls, and skull masks as he shrugs before tossing the skull onto the bed. His dad sticks his head in the door, and smiles.
Dad: Winning, champ?
Kid: What are wins and losses in the face of the Void, old man? We are already dead.
– Do they hate Steve Awesome, Death Trap, and Spike Kane?
Kids are shown sitting at kindergarten, holding toys as one of the young boys stands before them. The teacher smiles as he holds up a Death Trap action figure complete with little hat. He stammers, and holds it up.
Boy: My favorite wrestler is Death Trap, and–
A toy flies from the back of the room, cracking into his chest to knock him to the floor with a thump. The camera turns to show a girl clad in black standing over another kid who is blinking back tears as she points.
Girl: Damn you! Death Trap is an abomination! And his tiny hat, bah!
Teacher: Emily!
Girl: My name is Amaris now! And he ruined that toy by removing it from it’s original packaging!
The teacher gapes, and then frowns.
Teacher: I am calling your mother.
Girl: Empty Night.
– They exhibit a strange love hate relationship with Bloodied Fox.
A guy sits in the darkness, staring at a poster of Fox then he stands up with a shrug. He walks for the bathroom, pausing to drag a sock from his drawer and grabbing a bottle of lotion from the dresser. He pauses at the door, staring back at it before he snarls.
Guy: I hate you!
The door slam shut.
If you know someone who maybe inflicted by Donzig-gun, get them help before it is too late!
When the makers of The Haunted Mall, voted the third best haunted house in a mall in Palm Springs, decided to extend their lease through the Christmas season with Krampos, many wondered if we were just trying to squeeze more money out of a fairly seasonal concept. But now, we are proud to announce we have paid for a year long lease so there can be haunted houses all year round. It never has to go away! Introducing Fear Year Round!
Like a Martin Luther King Day haunted house!
“I have a dream! But also very scary nightmares!”
The Valentine’s Date…From Hell!
Our St. Patrick’s Day!
Leprechaun: It’ll be a Sunday, Bloody Sunday!
When Spring comes, we’re even gonna pay the mall Easter bunny to a shift where he chases you at the end with a chainsaw
On Cinco De Mayo, you wear an El Santo mask and try to get away from Vampire Women, played by the girls from Hot Dog on a Stick
Fade back to the T-Mobile Center
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is our main event! XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter puts his championship on the line against Disney’s Marty Donovan. In Santa Fe, Marty once again tried to get out of working a house show by having an invalid Phil wrestle for him.
Phillip Blauer: Just happy to help.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter found Marty out in the crowd in disguise, and forced him to wrestle Sugar Daddy.
Phillip Blauer: Whom he was not prepared for. One doesn’t just waltz into a match with Sugar Daddy willy nilly.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan was surely embarrassed by that showing and looking for some revenge on Eron for that. Where as Eron Hunter is looking to have his first successful title defense of the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship over the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.
“When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays and the audience boos. A sweaty “The Punisher” Dan Stein steps out with the Hardkore World Tag Team title belt slung over his shoulder, and “High Roller” Wesley Crane walks out with his championship wrapped around his waist and a towel around his neck. Stein makes sure it’s safe, and then waves on Disney’s Marty Donovan. Donovan walks out dressed as a Na’vi from Avatar
Phillip Blauer: Wow, would you look at that? I gotta say I am excited about this picture series. I loved the first one. It was a lot like Dances with Wolves. I haven’t seen the latest one but it looks a lot like Water World. I would imagine the third one will be like The Postman. And the fourth would have to be like Draft Day.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, Disney’s Marty Donovan is in the unusual position of challenger tonight. Looking to become the first Hardkore World representative to win an XHF Championship.
Phillip Blauer: And it appears Marty has been sticking to his diet to make the Junior Heavyweight division. Look at those blue abs!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein leads the way down the aisle, smacking away fans trying to touch the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. Marty looks at them with disdain while Wesley Crane pats him on the shoulder giving him encouragement
‘
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan says that he should have been the one that Eron grew up idolizing, instead of Andrew Karnage, Kilroy Evans and Syberus.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, and he wants to beat some respect into him as only a proud Navy can.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Na’vi.
Phillip Blauer: Beg your pardon?
Marty Donovan steps through the ropes and stands in the middle of the ring, a spotlight hitting him and shimmering off his impressive na’vi body paint. “The Punisher” Dan Stein folds his arms behind him while Wesley Crane points to Donovan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane won the Hardkore World Tag Team titles earlier tonight, can Marty Donovan make it a clean sweep?
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the T-Mobile Center explodes! Eron Hunter steps through the curtain with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship slung over the right
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is. He’s running out of places to hold championship belts.
Phillip Blauer: (mockingly) “He’s running out of places to hold championship belts”. Just put his mask on, why don’t you?
Guillermo O’Bannon: In November, Eron Hunter defeated Daigo and Arakawa to win the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship in Liverpool, England and now he makes his first title defense here against the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. You can’t ask for better competition than that.
Eron Hunter slaps the fans hands as he walks to the ring, determinedly looking at Marty Donovan dressed as a na’vi in the ring with “High Roller” Wesley Crane and “The Punisher” Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter says it’s not that he doesn’t respect Marty, he does. He has watched Marty wrestle for over 15 years. What he doesn’t respect is the way Marty has won his matches as of late.
Phillip Blauer: They don’t put how you won the match in the record books.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes they do. Check Hardkore World’s title history page on the website.
Phillip Blauer: Jumping Jehosaphat, is that true?
Hunter gets up on the apron, and “The Punisher” Dan Stein attempts to intimidate him by not letting him get into the ring. Wesley Crane yammers at Hunter, standing directly behind Stein
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man making his presence known.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan thankfully getting some early control of this match, before it even begins and backs Dan off so Eron can enter the ring.
Eron Hunter gets up on the second rope and holds up his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and his Hardkore West Coast Championship in his arms as he soaks in the roar of the Las Vegas crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter has been red hot lately, taking on all comers like The Sheik in that bloody cage match in that Hardkore West Coast title defense in Albuquerque and Juliana DiMaria in Scotland. Now he has to try and defeat the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion where his belt is the one that’s on the line.
The bell rings and a spotlight hits Greg Jin in the center of the ring. Tommy Milligan stands behind him
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, this is the Main Event of the Evening!”
The Vegas crowd gives a loud ovation
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first; He is accompanied to the ring by The Anointed! Hailing from the Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida. Standing 6 feet and weighing 208 pounds; Representing Disney Plus who asks you to watch Star Wars: The Bad Batch, streaming this February, The HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!”
The T-Mobile Center jeers and boos
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Huge pop for Eron Hunter as he hands both his championship belts to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. “The Punisher” Dan Stein gives Marty some last minute advice as he nods
XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship
Eron Hunter vs. Disney's Marty Donovan
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell. Marty Donovan walks over and starts talking to Hunter, pantomiming writing a checkGuillermo O’Bannon: I don’t believe this, Marty trying to buy the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship from Eron Hunter before this match even begins.
Phillip Blauer: Why not? Do you know what a night off in Vegas is worth?
Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. accidentally flashes a lower third that says “Kalmin Watts vs. Little Dragon” on the screen
Guillermo O’Bannon: We appear to have a technical difficulty here, that is not the match we’re watching. Danny?
The lower third disappears and Eron Hunter shakes his head and rocks Marty Donovan with a kick to the gut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter cannot be bought off and is now hammering Marty Donovan with those european uppercuts
Phillip Blauer: He could have bought a lot of catnip with that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter backing Donovan into the ropes some european uppercuts and then shoots him into the ropes. He takes him out with a dropkick!
The fans cheer and Donovan sputters backwards as he tries to get up and Hunter hits him with a roundhouse kick! Donovan jumps out of the ring into the waiting arms of Dan Stein, who he hugs for comfort, drawing boos from the audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan getting out of there and I don’t blame him.
Phillip Blauer: Now why are they booing him for hugging Dan? He gives the best hugs. Like a big barrel chested teddy bear. I hope to enjoy one, one day.
Eron Hunter motions for Marty Donovan to get back in the ring while Tommy Milligan holds him back. Donovan waves them both away while Dan Stein whispers some ideas in his ear
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan now back on the apron and demanding that he be given the room that Dan Stein didn’t give Hunter earlier before the match.
Phillip Blauer: Dan can stand anywhere he wants. You tell him to move.
Marty Donovan: “Get him back, Tommy!”
The fans chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” Marty Donovan drops to the floor, and Dan Stein cover his ears
Phillip Blauer: It bears repeating. We have the worst fans in the country,
Guillermo O’Bannon:We’re sorry, fans, Phil is kind of grandfathered in here.
Marty Donovan shakes his head while Dan Stein continues to shield him from the the “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” chants
Wesley Crane: “Tell them to shut up, Tommy!”
Tommy Milligan shrugs as the fans continue to chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time Marty was here in Vegas was in 2009 when he successfully defended his Hardkore America Championship over Roscoe Law. But now, finally, Marty Donovan tries to shake it off and climbs back up to the apron. Eron Hunter pulling on the top rope and slingshotting Marty back in!
Phillip Blauer: Come on!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter snap suplexes him over and grabs a sleeper hold. Hunter grounding Marty early here, trying to sap some of his strength.
Marty claws the air looking for escape, while Hunter thrashes him from side to side. The fans cheer Marty’s predicament as he works his way to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan back pedals into the corner, smashing Hunter’s back into the turnbuckles to break the sleeper. Eron Hunter hits him with another european uppercut, and turns him around into the corner. Hunter climbs to the second rope and starts firing punches down on him!
The fans erupt with cheers as Hunter hammers him with rights and lefts
Marty Donovan: “Tell him to stop, Tommy!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter continuing those blows, until Marty Donovan grabs Hunter’s legs and walks him out of the corner with an inverted atomic drop. He front facelocks Hunter and twists him around into a swinging neckbreaker.
Marty Donovan irish whips Eron Hunter into the ropes and hits him between the eyes with a flying forearm. Marty kips up to derision from the audience
Phillip Blauer: Hush, you swine!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty goes for a roundhouse, but Eron catches his leg and dragon screw leg whips him to the ground into a single leg boston crab!
The jeers turn to cheers as Hunter plants his feet and cranks back on Donovan’s leg, trying to hyperextend the knee. Tommy Milligan checks in, but Marty just grunts in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan tucks his head and rolls through the single leg crab, up to his feet with Hunter holding his leg. He swings around into an enzuigiri to the ear of Hunter!
Hunter clutches his ear and goes down hard. He rolls out of the ring, and goes down to one knee on the floor. Tommy Milligan pushes a limping Marty back to give Hunter some room
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein lurks nearby at ringside.
Phillip Blauer: Why must you refer to it as lurking? Why can’t Dan just be?
Guillermo O’Bannon: There appears to be some blood trickling from Eron Hunter’s ear through his hand there.
Phillip Blauer: His brain is probably leaking out.
Tommy Milligan comes over and tells Dan Stein to give Eron Hunter some space. Meanwhile, a hobbling Marty Donovan steps through the ropes and looks for an opening to attack a wounded Hunter
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan runs along the apron and catches Hunter with a reverse hurricanrana on the floor!!
The Las Vegas fans boo. “The Punisher” Dan Stein picks Eron Hunter up and rolls him back into the ring. Wesley Crane helps Marty up and helps him back into the ring as well
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips Hunter in the ropes and then spins into a rolling wheel kick!
Eron Hunter blocks a suplex attempt. He counters with a suplex of his own and leaves Donovan up there. The audience cheers Hunter’s ability to hold him up perfectly
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter drops him in that hanging vertical suplex!
Marty Donovan sits up in pain. Hunter checks his left ear and sees there’s blood on his hand
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter may have had some damage to his left ear drum from that enzuigiri kick from Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: How will he hear that howling wolf in his theme song?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter drops down into a fujiwara armbar on Donovan. He cranks up on Donovan’s arm!
Tommy Milligan asks Donovan if he wants to tap out but he just begs Dan Stein to help him. Hunter clamps down on Donovan’s wrist while driving him face first into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan crawls over and hooks the bottom rope. Tommy Milligan forces Eron Hunter to break the fujiwara armbar. Hunter backs up and whacks Donovan in the teeth with a shining wizard kick!
The Las Vegas fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Hunter’s boot hitting Donovan in the face. Tommy Milligan checks Hunter’s left ear and asks him if he wants to continue
Guillermo O’Bannon: Referee Tommy Milligan checking in with Eron Hunter, seeing if he wants to continue with this match and he says let’s do it.
Phillip Blauer: Take the out, paisan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter goes outside and slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope, but Marty catches him in a front facelock with his feet still resting on the top rope! He turns him over onto his back, and drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!!
The crowd boos as Hunter clutches the back of his neck, with blood running down his left ear. He staggers up, but Marty kicks him in the stomach
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan takes Hunter over into a side headlock takedown into a pluma blanca! He presses his calf down across Hunter’s throat, while putting pressure on Eron’s trapped arm.
The heckling gets louder as Marty Donovan clamps down on Hunter’s head and arm with his legs and his keylock. Eron shakes his head, refusing to give up while he stomps his heels into the mat in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: It wasn’t all happiness, this was also the town where Marty Donovan lost a ladder match for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship back in 2006.
Marty Donovan releases the pluma blanca and pulls Eron Hunter up into a full nelson
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan drops Eron Hunter into a dragon suplex with a perfect bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan scoops him up but Eron Hunter falls on his feet behind him into an inverted facelock and drops down into a reverse DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter maintains that inverted facelock into a dragon sleeper. Hunter plants his feet and pulls back on Donovan’s head and neck.
Eron Hunter goes down into an on the mat version. Tommy Milligan checks in but Marty refuses to quit. “The Punisher” Dan Stein slaps the mat, trying to root on Marty Donovan
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter wraps his legs around Marty Donovan’s waist and drops down into a dragon sleeper body scissors. He wrenches back as much as he can on the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion’s head and neck, while keeping him from getting any new air with that leg lock around his kidneys.
Eron Hunter pulls Marty Donovan up into a half nelson hammerlock, and then drops him into a tiger suplex
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter irish whips him but Marty Donovan reverses it and shoots him into the turnbuckles. Marty is a half step behind him and follows him in with a corner dropkick!
The Las Vegas fans let out another “OH!” Marty Donovan leg sweeps Hunter’s legs out from under him. He steps through the ropes out on to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan slingshots himself over the ropes into a basement dropkick!
The crowd boos while Dan Stein applauds on the outside. Marty Donovan lifts Hunter up onto his shoulders with a fireman’s carry. He drops the back of Hunter’s neck on his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: UshiGoroshi! Marty Donovan grabs Hunter’s leg with a leg scissors cross knee lock. He rocks back on Hunter’s foot and calf, while twisting his knee. That knee was injured in NPW and as we know he had a hard road of rehab to come back from that.
Hunter grabs his hair in pain, but refuses to give up. Tommy Milligan offers to ring the bell to end the torture, but Hunter shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter rolls onto his stomach, and is able to kick Marty Donovan off of him.
The fans cheer and Eron Hunter is able to stand up. He pulls Donovan’s head into his legs, and flips him up into a powerbomb, but Marty reverses it into a hurricanrana
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan stomps Eron Hunter in his injured ear! Again!
Tommy Milligan pushes Marty back, but Marty swats his hand away and lands another hard stomp to Hunter’s bloody ear
Phillip Blauer: Eron Hunter won’t be hearing those high pitched cheers anymore when Marty is done with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan pulls Hunter up by the hair, and tosses him over the top rope!
The Las Vegas crowd boos and Marty Donovan points to one fan in particular
Marty Donovan: “Hey, shut your mouth, fat boy! And watch Willow.”
Phillip Blauer: This guy is a marketing machine! He’s Billy Mays in spandex!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan hits the ropes and flips over the top rope with a somersault senton that smacks Hunter into the railing!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!!” as Hunter’s back hits the security rail. Welsey Crane and Dan Stein help Marty Donovan to his feet. Marty gets his senses back and climbs up to the apron. He hops up to the middle of the second rope and backflips into a springboard asai moonsault DDT
Guillermo O’Bannon: Reedy Creek Racing!!
The fans boo as Eron Hunter and Marty Donovan lie on the floor.. Wesley Crane pulls Hunter up by the wrist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane irish whips Eron Hunter into Dan Stein who gives him a discus clothesline on the floor!!
The T-Mobile Arena rocks with boos while The Anointed celebrate at ringside. Eron Hunter holds the back of his head, and kicks his toes into the floor in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Come on, this is three against one!
Phillip Blauer: Eron Hunter said some hurtful things. And during the holidays no less.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter’s a lone wolf in the back and he may be paying the consequences of that, with no one watching his back in the locker room. Marty Donovan back in the ring now. He runs into the ropes and then hops onto the middle of the top rope. Donovan jumps off with a springboard tornado DDT but Eron Hunter catches him and spinebusters him on the floor!!
The audience erupts as Eron Hunter holds his hand over his ear. Wesley Crane runs at Hunter and he spinning heel kicks him on the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter jumping roundhouse kicks an oncoming Dan Stein!!
The crowd is electric as Eron Hunter stumbles over to the apron and climbs up on top of it. He looks back at The Anointed
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter jumps onto the middle of the second rope and hits Stein, Donovan, and Crane with an asai moonsault!!
The fans chant “ERON!! ERON!! ERON!!” as Eron Hunter lies amongst The Anointed. Eron Hunter pulls Marty Donovan up and rolls him back into the ring. He climbs up to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope and jumps off with a springboard Dis-Knee!!
The Las Vegas fans let out an earsplitting pop as Eron Hunter drapes his arm over Marty Donovan
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan gets his shoulder up!
Phillip Blauer: That’s intellectual property theft! Our lawyers will have you in court by breakfast!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter and Marty Donovan get to their feet and Hunter kicks him hin the stomach. He cradles Marty’s leg and neck and drops him onto the back of his head with a release regal plex!! White Tiger Suplex!
The Las Vegas fans continue to chant “ERON!! ERON!! ERON!!” Eron Hunter pulls Marty’s head into his legs and then lifts him up into a running liger bomb
Guillermo O’Bannon: White Tiger Bomb!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan claps his legs together onto Hunter’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan rolls to his feet but Eron Hunter twirls into a running discus clothesline! White Tiger Lariat!! That’s the White Tiger Series and Eron Hunter makes the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR-Dan Stein puts Marty’s foot on the bottom rope!
Guillermo O’Bannon: You can’t be serious!
Phillip Blauer: That bottom rope is a menace!
Eron Hunter steps through the ropes out onto the apron. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pushes Hunter off the ropes to the mat below!! Tommy Milligan has got to make a call here!
Phillip Blauer: Leave Tommy alone. He’s got a good gig here. Warm winters for those old bones.
The audience jeers and starts to throw trash into the ring. Marty Donovan pulls Hunter up into an inverted facelock. He lifts him up into an inverted suplex
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan maintains that inverted facelock and immediately rolls him back up to his feet. He lifts him up again and then drops his back onto his knee with a backbreaker!! Better Than Cobryn!
The fans boos as Hunter sits up in pain, with blood running down his ear. Wesley Crane runs into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane with that In The Face v-trigger but Hunter drops to the mat and Crane’s knee hits Marty Donovan In The Face!!
Phillip Blauer: What??
The roof blows off the T-Mobile Arena!! Eron Hunter cartwheels into a spin kick that takes out Wesley Crane
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan staggers to his feet and roundhouse kicks but Eron catches his leg and neck and flips him into a cradle capture suplex!! Rising Star Suplex!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
….THREE!!!
The Las Vegas crowd leaps to their feet as Eron Hunter rolls off of Marty Donovan, holding his arm up in victory. “Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays as Hunter holds his ear. Hardkore Medical Trainer David Valentine Jr. slides into the ring to check on him
Phillip Blauer: No! No, no, no!
Greg Jin: “At 24 minutes 49 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Tommy Milligan takes the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and Hardkore West Coast Championship from Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. and hands them to Eron Hunter who is resting on the bottom turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter makes his first successful title defense of that XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship over the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Marty Donovan with a ruptured ear drum!
Phillip Blauer: This was blatant interference!
Guillermo O’Bannon: From your own guys!
Phillip Blauer: Exactly, what was Tommy thinking? This is well meaning officiating run amok!
Dan Stein enters the ring and goes to a still sprawled out Marty Donovan, cradling his head. Meanwhile, Eron Hunter waves off David Valentine Jr. and his medics to celebrate with his two championship belts against the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon What a match, with that damaged ear, Hunter was able to withstand all three members of The Anointed! He is a traveling champion he goes next to Denver for J-ROK Supremacy.
Eron Hunter walks down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans while David Valentine Jr. follows close behind. He walks up to the ramp and holds up both his championship belts again to a huge ovation. Back in the ring, Wesley Crane enters the ring and Dan Stein gives him a look that stops him dead in his tracks, popping the fans
Phillip Blauer: Steady, Dan. Steady,
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is the second time Wesley Crane has “accidentally” hit Marty Donovan with the In The Face and cost him a match. The last time was this fall in Wrestle UK. Now Wesley Crane is facing Marty Donovan at the next show in San Francisco to cash in his Hardkore Helloween title shot for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Phillip Blauer: All very normal between two compadres like Marty and Wes.
Wesley Crane swears to Dan Stein that he didn’t mean to hit Marty while Donovan starts to come to
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has ducked Wesley as long as he could but in San Francisco, he will be forced to put the title on the line.
Phillip Blauer: Just a scientific match between two chums.
Marty Donovan rubs his face while he tries to believe Wesley Crane’s explanation. Dan Stein looks suspicious about the whole thing
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well I guess we’ll when Hardkore World battles in the bay in San Francisco! We’ll see you then fans!
