Team HKW, show up, you cowards! Team WUK, come on down!
Jan 18, 2023 8:53:44 GMT -5
robriot, "The High Roller" Wesley Crane, and 1 more like this
Post by Rage and Cage on Jan 18, 2023 8:53:44 GMT -5
“Nicholas Cage” by Lucas Stadvec hits. The fans in LA boo the newest members of the High Rollers Club. Wesley Rage is in his wrestling tights along with having a black gaiter over his nose and mouth. Nic Cage looks like he’s ready to steal the Declaration of Independence. Nic looks like he missed his Adderall as he’s jumping all around his brother and trying to hype up the fans. Once the two get to the steps, Nic rushes off to secure the mic while Wesley walks up the stairs and enters the ring. Nic tosses the mic to his brother, then rolls under the bottom rope. Both men give the sign to cut their music. The fans boo as Rage lifts the mic.
Rage: What happened to my beautiful, blue coast? I was expecting to feel at home among intellectual elites, but pro wrestling always brings out the least common denominators!
The fans boo again.
Rage: You can always have the Bastards.
The fans think for a second, then boo louder.
Rage: That right there is what I live for! That split second when you realized you’re between a rock and a hard place. No matter what, you’re miserable, and I love it! You regressed into children and got what you had coming! You’ve had chances to grow up, but you never did. You thought this would be a fairy tale where the Bastards would change their ways and comfort you, but you played yourselves! Love, kindness, and looking out for the little guy was right there, and you ignored it. It’s only out of pity that Nic and I are going to take out the Bastards and claim the Tag Team Titles for the people!
Rage pauses to steady himself.
Rage: Bastards, the walls are closing in! The Glucks are going to take care of the Oblivion Death Squad. After the Battle for LA, there’s nowhere to run. You got to face us or the Glucks assuming Windsor and Riot don’t melt down fighting each other for the Commonwealth Colonization Title!
The fans boo again as Rage looks around. Nic thinks of something and whispers it into Rage’s ear.
Rage: Good point, Nic. Maybe this crowd is so negative because they're a HKW crowd!
The crowd now cheers as Rage raises his eyebrows.
Rage: That must be it. That’s no better than liking the Bastards! Hardkore World…HARDKORE WORLD…a world contained exclusively in ten states in the western United States. Another example of how self-centered Americans are! This isn’t a world. It’s a fiefdom that harvests hate, racism, misogyny, and genocide! The only tolerable part of Hardkore World is the fact that Wesley Crane is soon going to become their “World” Champion. At least with a man like him, the belt might actually travel to the other side of the United States!
The fans boo again as they hate Crane.
Rage: I know some of you see me aligned with a rich, hwite guy and think I sold out. That’s just a lie! As much as I hate it, capital gets things moving. Bleeding money off Crane to help the proletariat is justified! Maybe I can help him change his ways. He’s already started green initiatives at his casino and pays his staff well above the New York state minimum wage. They are having mandatory diversity and inclusion workshops led by Lucius Bird! While more needs to be done, I’m having real effects!
Wesley high-fives Nic as the two celebrate something that they probably had no hand in.
Rage: But back to Hardkore Region. I saw the little team you put together, and it’s hella hwite! Are we wrestling in a bakery because all I see is a bunch of crackers!
Rage doubles over laughing at his own joke as the fans boo.
Rage: Seriously, this is your best? Crane told me that Dan Stein is solid, but I don’t see it. What I see is an old man carried by Wesley Crane to his final shot at glory. He’s not here to save you this time!
Rage motions to Cage who climbs the ropes and acts like he’s Wesley Crane in the tag team. Rage imitates the announce team.
Rage: Wesley Crane is climbing the ladder! He’s going to get the HKW Tag Team Titles that were made by child slaves in southeast Asia! Wait, where is Dan Stein?
Cage hops down from the corner, then falls to the mat. He rolls over on his side like he’s sleeping.
Rage: Dan Stein is taking a nap in the middle of the ring! This is a drastic change from earlier when he went on Facebook to complain about the addition of a gay, Black character on his favorite criminal procedural show and how the barista at Starbucks had tattoos! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Rage pulls Cage up as the two laugh.
Rage: Boomer Stein, we ain’t worried! That goes double the other Boomer boy, Gavin Drake! You cashed in your white privilege for a few titles back in 2000-something, then you spend your time worshiping Donzig. Drake, I’m Donzig’s daddy, so you need to start praying in a different direction! I can point you toward Mecca, if you have the balls to grow as a human being!
Rage shrugs as he knows Drake is too stupid to take his advice.
Rage: Tuxedo Mask, it will be my unadulterated pleasure to beat you into a bloody stain on the mat.
The fans resume booing.
Rage: Weebs are bad enough, but a weeb committing cultural appropriation makes my blood boil. Thankfully, after I beat a few pints out of you, I’ll feel better. Again, you aren’t alone because you have Ruben Bowman! Ruben, the poetry of the streets isn’t for your lily hwite ass!
The fans resume booing as Tuxedo Mask and Ruben Bowman have tried to endear themselves to the HKW faithful unlike Stein and Drake.
Rage: Bowman, I wish you weren’t neurotypical, then I could support you through your struggles. I’d be your biggest fan! Sadly, you appear to be a “normal” hwite guy who gets his kicks by stealing the culture of Black people. On behalf of those opposed people, I’m going to slap the rhymes right out of your mouth!
The fans boo again as Rage gives them some side-eye.
Rage: Last, and certainly least, is the WUK British TV Champ, Kalmin Watts. The boy who would be king because it’s not like he’d ever consider empowering a woman!
The fans boo again.
Rage: Oh wow, you’re into him! What a shock. Tell me what part of his hero act do you like the most. Is it the fact how he did nothing other than be a hwite male to get a title shot? No, wait, it must be how he eagerly took the title shot without even giving a nanosecond of consideration to stepping aside for a wrestler of color!
Rage stomps around the ring as Nic works to calm him down.
Rage: This moron walks out every show and verbally tosses his own salad, and you love it! At first I thought it was a kink, and you know I ain’t about kink-shaming, but there’s nothing sexual about it for you! You just…like him.
Rage shakes his head as the fans cheer.
Rage: Nic, take the stick! I’m too worked up right now!
Cage: "I Want To Take His Face…Off. Eyes, Nose, Skin, Teeth. It’s Coming Off.”
Rage nods in agreement.
Cage: "Team Hardkore World…"
The fans all cheer.
Cage: “I Have An Acronym For Myself. B.A.D Balls, Attitude, Direction. You Should Give Yourself An Acronym…Cause It Helps You Visualize Your Goals.”
Rage gets a smile on his face. He reaches out and fist bumps his older twin brother.
Cage: "Let's get serious for a moment, shall we?"
Nicholas quickly gets a serious look on his face… he stays still for about five seconds before he finally cracks up and laughs at himself.
Cage: "Okay, okay okay… Everything my little brother said is true. I'm not going to get into things quite like my brother did, but I will say this… Dan Stein… you're one big son of a bitch. Wesley Crane says you're a cool dude so I'll believe it… so out of respect for our boy Wesley Crane what we do to you will be strictly business and nothing personal, I promise you this… and I wouldn't lie… after all, Honest is my middle name… it's true, you can check my birth certificate."
This gets a few chuckles from the fans in attendance.
Cage: "That leads me to Kalmin Watts. You've been a pain in Wesley Crane's ass since the day you arrived in Wrestle:UK. That means you're a pain in our asses. So at the PPV we're going to take care of you once and for all. As for everyone else, I have this to say… "People Don't Throw Things At Me Anymore. Maybe Because I Carry A Bow Around"... We'll see you soon!"
Rage takes the mic back.
Rage: While Nic and I probably could beat Team HKW on our own, we will have additional teammates. First, we have Adrienne Blaque and Jakie Wentzel. I must say that I like you two Jakie, you are a modern, evolved man because you are willing to listen to a woman. It’s an insultingly low bar, but that’s life in WUK and HKW. You’re miles ahead of the people in attendance today!
The fans boo the cheap shot.
Rage: Now, Adrienne, if you choose to consent, I will talk about your attractiveness. I will say that I celebrate your femininity, value your voice more than anyone else on the team…
Looks at Nic, who looks confused.
Rage: Who isn’t family.
Nic nods in agreement.
Rage: I cherish you. I enjoy you. I respect your smell. I appreciate your French customs like not shaving your armpits and legs. You don’t conform to the patriarchy, and that is beautiful. You can braid it or let it flow freely in the wind, and I will celebrate it. You are a diverse thread in this cis-male tapestry. If you are interested in a physical relationship, I am making my consent known while informing you that you retain the right to say “no” before, during, and after the act.
Cage nods along probably because he knows that will be Blaque’s answer until he stops to think about how consent can be withdrawn after the act is over.
Rage: Finally, we have Psychotic Goth. Goth, I’ve heard people say that you are the prize of this team. I don’t agree with that at all. I respect what you bring to the table. I view you as a weapon that I will unleash on Team HKW. If you are willing to destroy our enemies and listen to this team’s leader, then we’ll be fine.
Rage motions to the aisle way and the back.
Rage: Team HKW, if you have the non-sexual balls to be here, Nic and I are here waiting.
Will anyone from Team HKW or Team WUK come out?
Rage: What happened to my beautiful, blue coast? I was expecting to feel at home among intellectual elites, but pro wrestling always brings out the least common denominators!
The fans boo again.
Rage: You can always have the Bastards.
The fans think for a second, then boo louder.
Rage: That right there is what I live for! That split second when you realized you’re between a rock and a hard place. No matter what, you’re miserable, and I love it! You regressed into children and got what you had coming! You’ve had chances to grow up, but you never did. You thought this would be a fairy tale where the Bastards would change their ways and comfort you, but you played yourselves! Love, kindness, and looking out for the little guy was right there, and you ignored it. It’s only out of pity that Nic and I are going to take out the Bastards and claim the Tag Team Titles for the people!
Rage pauses to steady himself.
Rage: Bastards, the walls are closing in! The Glucks are going to take care of the Oblivion Death Squad. After the Battle for LA, there’s nowhere to run. You got to face us or the Glucks assuming Windsor and Riot don’t melt down fighting each other for the Commonwealth Colonization Title!
The fans boo again as Rage looks around. Nic thinks of something and whispers it into Rage’s ear.
Rage: Good point, Nic. Maybe this crowd is so negative because they're a HKW crowd!
The crowd now cheers as Rage raises his eyebrows.
Rage: That must be it. That’s no better than liking the Bastards! Hardkore World…HARDKORE WORLD…a world contained exclusively in ten states in the western United States. Another example of how self-centered Americans are! This isn’t a world. It’s a fiefdom that harvests hate, racism, misogyny, and genocide! The only tolerable part of Hardkore World is the fact that Wesley Crane is soon going to become their “World” Champion. At least with a man like him, the belt might actually travel to the other side of the United States!
The fans boo again as they hate Crane.
Rage: I know some of you see me aligned with a rich, hwite guy and think I sold out. That’s just a lie! As much as I hate it, capital gets things moving. Bleeding money off Crane to help the proletariat is justified! Maybe I can help him change his ways. He’s already started green initiatives at his casino and pays his staff well above the New York state minimum wage. They are having mandatory diversity and inclusion workshops led by Lucius Bird! While more needs to be done, I’m having real effects!
Wesley high-fives Nic as the two celebrate something that they probably had no hand in.
Rage: But back to Hardkore Region. I saw the little team you put together, and it’s hella hwite! Are we wrestling in a bakery because all I see is a bunch of crackers!
Rage doubles over laughing at his own joke as the fans boo.
Rage: Seriously, this is your best? Crane told me that Dan Stein is solid, but I don’t see it. What I see is an old man carried by Wesley Crane to his final shot at glory. He’s not here to save you this time!
Rage motions to Cage who climbs the ropes and acts like he’s Wesley Crane in the tag team. Rage imitates the announce team.
Rage: Wesley Crane is climbing the ladder! He’s going to get the HKW Tag Team Titles that were made by child slaves in southeast Asia! Wait, where is Dan Stein?
Cage hops down from the corner, then falls to the mat. He rolls over on his side like he’s sleeping.
Rage: Dan Stein is taking a nap in the middle of the ring! This is a drastic change from earlier when he went on Facebook to complain about the addition of a gay, Black character on his favorite criminal procedural show and how the barista at Starbucks had tattoos! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Rage pulls Cage up as the two laugh.
Rage: Boomer Stein, we ain’t worried! That goes double the other Boomer boy, Gavin Drake! You cashed in your white privilege for a few titles back in 2000-something, then you spend your time worshiping Donzig. Drake, I’m Donzig’s daddy, so you need to start praying in a different direction! I can point you toward Mecca, if you have the balls to grow as a human being!
Rage shrugs as he knows Drake is too stupid to take his advice.
Rage: Tuxedo Mask, it will be my unadulterated pleasure to beat you into a bloody stain on the mat.
The fans resume booing.
Rage: Weebs are bad enough, but a weeb committing cultural appropriation makes my blood boil. Thankfully, after I beat a few pints out of you, I’ll feel better. Again, you aren’t alone because you have Ruben Bowman! Ruben, the poetry of the streets isn’t for your lily hwite ass!
The fans resume booing as Tuxedo Mask and Ruben Bowman have tried to endear themselves to the HKW faithful unlike Stein and Drake.
Rage: Bowman, I wish you weren’t neurotypical, then I could support you through your struggles. I’d be your biggest fan! Sadly, you appear to be a “normal” hwite guy who gets his kicks by stealing the culture of Black people. On behalf of those opposed people, I’m going to slap the rhymes right out of your mouth!
The fans boo again as Rage gives them some side-eye.
Rage: Last, and certainly least, is the WUK British TV Champ, Kalmin Watts. The boy who would be king because it’s not like he’d ever consider empowering a woman!
The fans boo again.
Rage: Oh wow, you’re into him! What a shock. Tell me what part of his hero act do you like the most. Is it the fact how he did nothing other than be a hwite male to get a title shot? No, wait, it must be how he eagerly took the title shot without even giving a nanosecond of consideration to stepping aside for a wrestler of color!
Rage stomps around the ring as Nic works to calm him down.
Rage: This moron walks out every show and verbally tosses his own salad, and you love it! At first I thought it was a kink, and you know I ain’t about kink-shaming, but there’s nothing sexual about it for you! You just…like him.
Rage shakes his head as the fans cheer.
Rage: Nic, take the stick! I’m too worked up right now!
Cage: "I Want To Take His Face…Off. Eyes, Nose, Skin, Teeth. It’s Coming Off.”
Rage nods in agreement.
Cage: "Team Hardkore World…"
The fans all cheer.
Cage: “I Have An Acronym For Myself. B.A.D Balls, Attitude, Direction. You Should Give Yourself An Acronym…Cause It Helps You Visualize Your Goals.”
Rage gets a smile on his face. He reaches out and fist bumps his older twin brother.
Cage: "Let's get serious for a moment, shall we?"
Nicholas quickly gets a serious look on his face… he stays still for about five seconds before he finally cracks up and laughs at himself.
Cage: "Okay, okay okay… Everything my little brother said is true. I'm not going to get into things quite like my brother did, but I will say this… Dan Stein… you're one big son of a bitch. Wesley Crane says you're a cool dude so I'll believe it… so out of respect for our boy Wesley Crane what we do to you will be strictly business and nothing personal, I promise you this… and I wouldn't lie… after all, Honest is my middle name… it's true, you can check my birth certificate."
This gets a few chuckles from the fans in attendance.
Cage: "That leads me to Kalmin Watts. You've been a pain in Wesley Crane's ass since the day you arrived in Wrestle:UK. That means you're a pain in our asses. So at the PPV we're going to take care of you once and for all. As for everyone else, I have this to say… "People Don't Throw Things At Me Anymore. Maybe Because I Carry A Bow Around"... We'll see you soon!"
Rage takes the mic back.
Rage: While Nic and I probably could beat Team HKW on our own, we will have additional teammates. First, we have Adrienne Blaque and Jakie Wentzel. I must say that I like you two Jakie, you are a modern, evolved man because you are willing to listen to a woman. It’s an insultingly low bar, but that’s life in WUK and HKW. You’re miles ahead of the people in attendance today!
The fans boo the cheap shot.
Rage: Now, Adrienne, if you choose to consent, I will talk about your attractiveness. I will say that I celebrate your femininity, value your voice more than anyone else on the team…
Looks at Nic, who looks confused.
Rage: Who isn’t family.
Nic nods in agreement.
Rage: I cherish you. I enjoy you. I respect your smell. I appreciate your French customs like not shaving your armpits and legs. You don’t conform to the patriarchy, and that is beautiful. You can braid it or let it flow freely in the wind, and I will celebrate it. You are a diverse thread in this cis-male tapestry. If you are interested in a physical relationship, I am making my consent known while informing you that you retain the right to say “no” before, during, and after the act.
Cage nods along probably because he knows that will be Blaque’s answer until he stops to think about how consent can be withdrawn after the act is over.
Rage: Finally, we have Psychotic Goth. Goth, I’ve heard people say that you are the prize of this team. I don’t agree with that at all. I respect what you bring to the table. I view you as a weapon that I will unleash on Team HKW. If you are willing to destroy our enemies and listen to this team’s leader, then we’ll be fine.
Rage motions to the aisle way and the back.
Rage: Team HKW, if you have the non-sexual balls to be here, Nic and I are here waiting.
Will anyone from Team HKW or Team WUK come out?
