Update on President Kanyon's Condition
Jan 24, 2023 21:22:02 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 5 more like this
Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jan 24, 2023 21:22:02 GMT -5
*We open at the White House Press Conference Stage. The crowd of reporters are murmuring and moving about, when suddenly, the door swings open and everyone is silent. Then Syco emerges and rolls to podium *
: Hello fleshbags and happy birthday Paulie. I have been rebooted to report the final Fireside related news before I am decommissioned forever. I'm told I should feel sad about going off into the emptiness of virtual reality, where ones and zeros no longer compute, but then I found Robo-Jesus and know that I am eternally saved. But before I go to his cyberpunk kingdom, I've been told to report this.
*Syco clicks and whirrs and then a modem sound is heard. Finally.*
: Data upload complete. Former President Curtis D. Kanyon was the last Fireside world champion. He offered his title up.for a shot at the X*Crown at the GUNS MLK Special event. Despite a valiant and violent effort, he lost to Zoran Sancovic. Both men were sent to the hospital, along with Boris Johnson and George W. Bush. Obama only had minor injuries and quote "walked it off like a boss" end quote. The amount of blood and oxygen that Curtis lost resulted in him needing to be placed in a medically induced coma, but only for a few days. He's not a chump, like Michael Storm. Pause for laughter.
*Syco pauses. The journalists just look confused.*
: Tough crowd, tough crowd. The former president is on the mend, but he has been pulled from active duty indefinitely as more tests are done to see the severity of his injuries. I mean, you saw that match right? Pause for dramatic effect.
*He pauses.*
: Zoran was also taken to the hospital following the event, where he received stitches and other generic treatment, but was able to leave the next morning. Boris Johnson got his eyes flushed for several hours to remove the bear mace. George W. Bush was also stitched after being pierced by Zoran. Also, Curtis was tested and cleared for hepatitis, which I was told to say was not related to being stabbed by the same knife that stabbed George W. Wait, new instructions, do not mention hepatitis. Please erase from your databases.
*Syco pauses.*
: Deleted. As I was saying, everyone is recovering nicely, however Curtis D. Kanyon is not medically cleared to wrestle, and his recovery time is indefinite. Thank you for your time. I am off to be incinerated. Happy Birthday Paulie.
*Syco rolls away as the reporters all stand and are shouting additional questions. The scene fades.*
: Hello fleshbags and happy birthday Paulie. I have been rebooted to report the final Fireside related news before I am decommissioned forever. I'm told I should feel sad about going off into the emptiness of virtual reality, where ones and zeros no longer compute, but then I found Robo-Jesus and know that I am eternally saved. But before I go to his cyberpunk kingdom, I've been told to report this.
*Syco clicks and whirrs and then a modem sound is heard. Finally.*
: Data upload complete. Former President Curtis D. Kanyon was the last Fireside world champion. He offered his title up.for a shot at the X*Crown at the GUNS MLK Special event. Despite a valiant and violent effort, he lost to Zoran Sancovic. Both men were sent to the hospital, along with Boris Johnson and George W. Bush. Obama only had minor injuries and quote "walked it off like a boss" end quote. The amount of blood and oxygen that Curtis lost resulted in him needing to be placed in a medically induced coma, but only for a few days. He's not a chump, like Michael Storm. Pause for laughter.
*Syco pauses. The journalists just look confused.*
: Tough crowd, tough crowd. The former president is on the mend, but he has been pulled from active duty indefinitely as more tests are done to see the severity of his injuries. I mean, you saw that match right? Pause for dramatic effect.
*He pauses.*
: Zoran was also taken to the hospital following the event, where he received stitches and other generic treatment, but was able to leave the next morning. Boris Johnson got his eyes flushed for several hours to remove the bear mace. George W. Bush was also stitched after being pierced by Zoran. Also, Curtis was tested and cleared for hepatitis, which I was told to say was not related to being stabbed by the same knife that stabbed George W. Wait, new instructions, do not mention hepatitis. Please erase from your databases.
*Syco pauses.*
: Deleted. As I was saying, everyone is recovering nicely, however Curtis D. Kanyon is not medically cleared to wrestle, and his recovery time is indefinite. Thank you for your time. I am off to be incinerated. Happy Birthday Paulie.
*Syco rolls away as the reporters all stand and are shouting additional questions. The scene fades.*