Post by scruise on Jan 31, 2023 23:38:19 GMT -5
Venice Beach.
A hot pink board charges down the inside of a twenty-five foot wave. The rider manages to stay ahead of the rapidly collapsing wall behind him, clearing the tunnel just as it closes. The remaining wave takes him calmly to the shore. A dusty blonde thirty-something that is clearly trying hard to look like Patrick Swayze from Point Break – and succeeding – picks up his board, then strides across the sand to greet the camera with a wolfish smile.
Simon Cruise: Been expecting you.
24 hours earlier.
HKW San Francisco.
Technical crew, security, and production assistants race about the backstage area of the Chase Center as the wrestling event is in full swing. Coming through a shipping gate, Simon Cruise wears a guest pass. He knows these halls well. Not with that evening’s promotion, but he has sold out the Chase Center on more than one occasion. More than one staff member starts to ask the star for a selfie, only to rush back to their duties under glares from supervisors. All smiles, Cruise promises to catch them after the show. Been awhile since he caught these familiar faces, but whenever HKW swings by Cali – Cruise likes to catch-up with old friends.
Simon Cruise: Donnie – how are you not retired by now, blowing through your savings in Lake Tahoe? Or was that last week.
Donnie Valentine: Son of a- (turns) Drift! (broad smile) Kid all you want, but I gotta new system – sure thing.
Simon Cruise: Everything I learned about carpentry, I got from you, Donnie – so if ANYONE can break the house... you have a few ways to go about it.
Donnie Valentine: I can’t tell you what a relief it was seeing you make it in the IWA, instead of going into construction, Drift. So I don’t suppose you’d be willing to stake my new sys-
A production assistant flags down the head of HKW’s ring crew. Apparently there were no other Valentines present.
Donnie Valentine: One second, Drift- (back to camera, voice muffled) he’s not here... what... oh... no that is bad. Could you maybe... I see... wait... I’ve got it! IT’S A GOOD THING YOU CAME TO ME-
Turning on his heel, Donnie reaches out to his former protégé.
Donnie Valentine: Drift, I need a big favour!
Simon Cruise: Yeah, that was a minute ago, Donnie, you wanted me to fund your next degenerate gambling spree?
Donnie Valentine: Okay, TWO favours.
Shaking his head, Cruise just answers with a chuckle. Spending more time chasing waves than walking on dry land, Cruise’s motto is to go with the flow. It hasn’t carried him into rough waters yet.
Returning to Venice Beach, Simon Cruise leans his board against a post.
Simon Cruise: I first broke into the wrestling business with Hardkore World fifteen years back. Fans won’t remember me, because back then I was part of the ring crew. Donnie is cool dude, and an awesome boss. Lot of federations hire local when they need numbers, certainly don’t travel from town to town with green grunts... but Donnie kept me on. Knew I just wanted to go from beach to beach hitting the waves, but made sure I was part of the team on the road, kept my travel costs down, and got me fed. Back then I was way more into surfing than wrestling. Oh, if I’d wanted a try out match, Donnie would have talked to Jonnie for me... but back then it would have just killed my groove. So when the wrestling bug finally did bite, and I made it big, that was years later in the IWA.
Reaching down into a cooler, Simon Cruise pulls out a Pabst Blue Ribbon – offering it to the cameraman.
Cameraman: Thanks, but I need both hands.
Simon Cruise: I got you, buddy.
Nodding, Simon reaches behind the cooler, and picks up a drinking helmet. Placing the Pabst in one of the holders, Cruise inserts a straw – then places it on the cameraman’s head.
Cameraman: Um, thanks-
Simon Cruise: Chin chin.
Opening a second beer, Cruise reaches over the lens to tap his against the one on the cameraman’s head.
Simon Cruise: Point I’m trying to make is that I am quite fond of Donnie, and have a lot of loyalty to Hardkore World. So when they have events in my neck of the woods, I swing by, drop in, say hi to my old friends. Only the other night, they ran into a spot of trouble – seems they have an interpromotional event coming up, Battle of Los Angeles. There is a big ten men tag match at the event... only a member of my Hardkore family is on the shelf. Reuben Bowman ended up blowing out his knee, or getting writer’s block – which is the same thing if you’re a poet like Reuben.
Raising his beer to his chest, Cruise bumps it against his heart to show his sympathy.
Simon Cruise: Super bummed to hear you’re in a bad way, Reuben. As an extreme sporting enthusiast, I’ve had my fair share of catastrophic injuries – here’s hoping for your speedy recovery. Well, that means Hardkore World is a man down for this big tag match. Sweet news is that... Wattage, Tux, Big Pun, and D-rake could win a man down... they are that good. But no one wants Bowman in the hospital worrying about being dead weight that let his boys down. That kind of negative mindset, and added stress, is bound to drag out his recovery time. So Donnie came to me and asked if I wouldn’t mind subbing on the team... and I owe that man way too much to say no, so I am going to be replacing Bowman at this Battle of Los Angeles. I will have the Hardkore World’s backs against this Combat United Kingdom.
Cameraman: Actually its Wrestling United Kingdom-
Simon Cruise: Pretty sure it was Combat. Acronym is Cuk.
Cameraman: Wuk.
Simon Cruise: Well, they sound like a bunch of CUKS to me.
Finishing his beer, Cruise opens another.
Simon Cruise: Now, you might think its unfair bringing me in and flipping the card on its head at the last minute... well Blood didn’t seem to have a problem, when he was saving Spike Kane’s ass from being kicked by Marty D, so suck it up, Cuks.
Match like this could be epic, showing the cream of each federation’s crop. Only, when I look at our opponents, I feel like Blood was just trying to cover-up for his weakest links. I get it. Strength in numbers. Goth might suck by himself, but stand him next to Stevens... and apparently he’ll suck less. I’m sure there some there is some science to it.
Yup, alone the five men on team CUK might be easy pickings, just waiting for someone to come around and ball their wives – as is the company motto – but together? They just might stand a circle jerking chance.
By comparison, HARDKORE World has an embarrassment of talents; in fact most of the talents are embarrassed to be seen opposite CUK. You could slot our side into any match in the show, and we’d have a damn good shot. Your team? Not so much. No, the Hardkore World crew are in the match for a reason. Hell, if Watts didn’t specifically have a bone to pick with the entire Cuk company, he’d be defending his strap in a singles match. Tuxedo Mask, Dan Stein, Drake... they aren’t there to be protected by extra bodies, but you Cuk fools? Donzig is taking on Sheik because he knows Blaque wouldn’t stand a chance. Von Krauss is going to get chewed up and spit out by Recoba... but at least he’ll make it look competitive. LVZ? Not so much.
Me? I’m just happy to stand up for my alma mater, and defend their reputation against an organization that thought CUK would be good calling card. It's pretty sad, but I guess at least your spouses are happy, getting it from anyone but you. So me... glad to pitch in... but my team...
Dan Stein, this isn’t his first dance, he might well be suicidally depressed wasting his time with a substandard piece of shit like Psychotic Goth. He pass Vampira around to get that CUK seal of approval? Not that I can understand anything in his ancient Cuk dialect. So Stein is understandably underwhelmed. But the rest of this crew? Drake might be thinking about swallowing a gun, rather than have to lock-up with someone like... Psychotic Goth. Let's not just score off that goofy emo bastard, there is enough sadness to spare. For instance, Watts may have already slashed his own wrists, and just hopes running them under hot water will kick in before he has to step into the ring with... Psychotic Goth. Okay, I'll switch to Zandt, I swear. Rounding us out, we all know that Tuxedo Mask would rather have sex with Queen Beryl than ever grace a ring with Psychotic Goth again. He has seen some shit. I hear before Tuxedo appeared in the same promotion with Goth, he didn't have to wear a mask. He was happy to show his face in public. Christ Goth, you got a lot to answer for.
So even if my partners are less than thrilled at this match, and rough you fools up just a little harder than they need to, I want you CUKS to know that for me... Wentzel, Stevens, Blaque, Zandt… even Goth, I don’t care that you are all just little waves. You might not be worth my partners time, but me?
I’m always down to ride.
Shooting the camera a sly grin, Cruise picks his board back up. Reaching down with his free hand, the surfer picks up another beer to place in the cameraman’s helmet. Patting his HKW colleague on the back, Cruise starts to run back out to sea. The last image of Cruise is paddling out on his board towards the next big wave, before we fade to black.
A hot pink board charges down the inside of a twenty-five foot wave. The rider manages to stay ahead of the rapidly collapsing wall behind him, clearing the tunnel just as it closes. The remaining wave takes him calmly to the shore. A dusty blonde thirty-something that is clearly trying hard to look like Patrick Swayze from Point Break – and succeeding – picks up his board, then strides across the sand to greet the camera with a wolfish smile.
Simon Cruise: Been expecting you.
24 hours earlier.
HKW San Francisco.
Technical crew, security, and production assistants race about the backstage area of the Chase Center as the wrestling event is in full swing. Coming through a shipping gate, Simon Cruise wears a guest pass. He knows these halls well. Not with that evening’s promotion, but he has sold out the Chase Center on more than one occasion. More than one staff member starts to ask the star for a selfie, only to rush back to their duties under glares from supervisors. All smiles, Cruise promises to catch them after the show. Been awhile since he caught these familiar faces, but whenever HKW swings by Cali – Cruise likes to catch-up with old friends.
Simon Cruise: Donnie – how are you not retired by now, blowing through your savings in Lake Tahoe? Or was that last week.
Donnie Valentine: Son of a- (turns) Drift! (broad smile) Kid all you want, but I gotta new system – sure thing.
Simon Cruise: Everything I learned about carpentry, I got from you, Donnie – so if ANYONE can break the house... you have a few ways to go about it.
Donnie Valentine: I can’t tell you what a relief it was seeing you make it in the IWA, instead of going into construction, Drift. So I don’t suppose you’d be willing to stake my new sys-
A production assistant flags down the head of HKW’s ring crew. Apparently there were no other Valentines present.
Donnie Valentine: One second, Drift- (back to camera, voice muffled) he’s not here... what... oh... no that is bad. Could you maybe... I see... wait... I’ve got it! IT’S A GOOD THING YOU CAME TO ME-
Turning on his heel, Donnie reaches out to his former protégé.
Donnie Valentine: Drift, I need a big favour!
Simon Cruise: Yeah, that was a minute ago, Donnie, you wanted me to fund your next degenerate gambling spree?
Donnie Valentine: Okay, TWO favours.
Shaking his head, Cruise just answers with a chuckle. Spending more time chasing waves than walking on dry land, Cruise’s motto is to go with the flow. It hasn’t carried him into rough waters yet.
YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN ENTERED...
THE HARDKORE WORLD
Returning to Venice Beach, Simon Cruise leans his board against a post.
Simon Cruise: I first broke into the wrestling business with Hardkore World fifteen years back. Fans won’t remember me, because back then I was part of the ring crew. Donnie is cool dude, and an awesome boss. Lot of federations hire local when they need numbers, certainly don’t travel from town to town with green grunts... but Donnie kept me on. Knew I just wanted to go from beach to beach hitting the waves, but made sure I was part of the team on the road, kept my travel costs down, and got me fed. Back then I was way more into surfing than wrestling. Oh, if I’d wanted a try out match, Donnie would have talked to Jonnie for me... but back then it would have just killed my groove. So when the wrestling bug finally did bite, and I made it big, that was years later in the IWA.
Reaching down into a cooler, Simon Cruise pulls out a Pabst Blue Ribbon – offering it to the cameraman.
Cameraman: Thanks, but I need both hands.
Simon Cruise: I got you, buddy.
Nodding, Simon reaches behind the cooler, and picks up a drinking helmet. Placing the Pabst in one of the holders, Cruise inserts a straw – then places it on the cameraman’s head.
Cameraman: Um, thanks-
Simon Cruise: Chin chin.
Opening a second beer, Cruise reaches over the lens to tap his against the one on the cameraman’s head.
Simon Cruise: Point I’m trying to make is that I am quite fond of Donnie, and have a lot of loyalty to Hardkore World. So when they have events in my neck of the woods, I swing by, drop in, say hi to my old friends. Only the other night, they ran into a spot of trouble – seems they have an interpromotional event coming up, Battle of Los Angeles. There is a big ten men tag match at the event... only a member of my Hardkore family is on the shelf. Reuben Bowman ended up blowing out his knee, or getting writer’s block – which is the same thing if you’re a poet like Reuben.
Raising his beer to his chest, Cruise bumps it against his heart to show his sympathy.
Simon Cruise: Super bummed to hear you’re in a bad way, Reuben. As an extreme sporting enthusiast, I’ve had my fair share of catastrophic injuries – here’s hoping for your speedy recovery. Well, that means Hardkore World is a man down for this big tag match. Sweet news is that... Wattage, Tux, Big Pun, and D-rake could win a man down... they are that good. But no one wants Bowman in the hospital worrying about being dead weight that let his boys down. That kind of negative mindset, and added stress, is bound to drag out his recovery time. So Donnie came to me and asked if I wouldn’t mind subbing on the team... and I owe that man way too much to say no, so I am going to be replacing Bowman at this Battle of Los Angeles. I will have the Hardkore World’s backs against this Combat United Kingdom.
Cameraman: Actually its Wrestling United Kingdom-
Simon Cruise: Pretty sure it was Combat. Acronym is Cuk.
Cameraman: Wuk.
Simon Cruise: Well, they sound like a bunch of CUKS to me.
Finishing his beer, Cruise opens another.
Simon Cruise: Now, you might think its unfair bringing me in and flipping the card on its head at the last minute... well Blood didn’t seem to have a problem, when he was saving Spike Kane’s ass from being kicked by Marty D, so suck it up, Cuks.
Match like this could be epic, showing the cream of each federation’s crop. Only, when I look at our opponents, I feel like Blood was just trying to cover-up for his weakest links. I get it. Strength in numbers. Goth might suck by himself, but stand him next to Stevens... and apparently he’ll suck less. I’m sure there some there is some science to it.
Yup, alone the five men on team CUK might be easy pickings, just waiting for someone to come around and ball their wives – as is the company motto – but together? They just might stand a circle jerking chance.
By comparison, HARDKORE World has an embarrassment of talents; in fact most of the talents are embarrassed to be seen opposite CUK. You could slot our side into any match in the show, and we’d have a damn good shot. Your team? Not so much. No, the Hardkore World crew are in the match for a reason. Hell, if Watts didn’t specifically have a bone to pick with the entire Cuk company, he’d be defending his strap in a singles match. Tuxedo Mask, Dan Stein, Drake... they aren’t there to be protected by extra bodies, but you Cuk fools? Donzig is taking on Sheik because he knows Blaque wouldn’t stand a chance. Von Krauss is going to get chewed up and spit out by Recoba... but at least he’ll make it look competitive. LVZ? Not so much.
Me? I’m just happy to stand up for my alma mater, and defend their reputation against an organization that thought CUK would be good calling card. It's pretty sad, but I guess at least your spouses are happy, getting it from anyone but you. So me... glad to pitch in... but my team...
Dan Stein, this isn’t his first dance, he might well be suicidally depressed wasting his time with a substandard piece of shit like Psychotic Goth. He pass Vampira around to get that CUK seal of approval? Not that I can understand anything in his ancient Cuk dialect. So Stein is understandably underwhelmed. But the rest of this crew? Drake might be thinking about swallowing a gun, rather than have to lock-up with someone like... Psychotic Goth. Let's not just score off that goofy emo bastard, there is enough sadness to spare. For instance, Watts may have already slashed his own wrists, and just hopes running them under hot water will kick in before he has to step into the ring with... Psychotic Goth. Okay, I'll switch to Zandt, I swear. Rounding us out, we all know that Tuxedo Mask would rather have sex with Queen Beryl than ever grace a ring with Psychotic Goth again. He has seen some shit. I hear before Tuxedo appeared in the same promotion with Goth, he didn't have to wear a mask. He was happy to show his face in public. Christ Goth, you got a lot to answer for.
So even if my partners are less than thrilled at this match, and rough you fools up just a little harder than they need to, I want you CUKS to know that for me... Wentzel, Stevens, Blaque, Zandt… even Goth, I don’t care that you are all just little waves. You might not be worth my partners time, but me?
I’m always down to ride.
Shooting the camera a sly grin, Cruise picks his board back up. Reaching down with his free hand, the surfer picks up another beer to place in the cameraman’s helmet. Patting his HKW colleague on the back, Cruise starts to run back out to sea. The last image of Cruise is paddling out on his board towards the next big wave, before we fade to black.