Post by Visit Neom on Feb 1, 2023 0:58:43 GMT -5
(The shot opens on a computer screen with Youtube up. Specifically, on a page with a video titled "Kilroy/Marty Hardkore World Panel Treasured Memories". The video has been playing for awhile and you can CLICK HERE to see some earlier footage from a Hardkore World promo. It shows a packed ballroom at a comic convention. Kilroy Evans and Marty Donovan sit at opposite ends of a table on stage. Marty rambles on as a bored fan dressed as Spider-Man stands at a microphone in the audience.)
Marty: He was so much more than “The Miracle in Miami” though. The man won 3 Grey Cups, was the NFL comeback player of the year, and has a Heisman Trophy for crying out loud. Doug Flutie will forever be my hero.
Kilroy: I hope that answers your question on choosing a wrestling school.
(A fan dressed as Sailor Moon approaches the microphone.)
Sailor Moon: My question is for Marty. Are you disappointed to not get to face Spike Kane now at the interpromotional show?
Marty: No, I’m disappointed to have to sit on another long ass flight to England.
Kilroy: The show is in California.
Marty: Any flight over twenty minutes is too long. I’m not surprised Spike faked an ambush to get out of our match. He knew his win against me in the rumble was a fluke and things would be much different one on one. He’s filled with coward’s blood. Let’s face it, I have a proven track record of beating fat guys with funny accents.
(Marty gestures towards Kilroy, expecting a laugh, but the crowd is silent.)
Kilroy: You don’t think you have a funny accent yourself?
Marty: Not in the slightest. I speak perfectly, a cage match Cary Grant. You’re the idiot who sounds like a broken animatronic from the Country Bear Jamboree.
Kilroy: Hey, what was that Blizzard Beach thing you mentioned earlier?
Marty: You’ve never heard of Blizzard Beach!?!
Kilroy: Is it like a restaurant?
Marty: What? No, it’s only one of Disney’s finest watah pahks.
(The crowd bursts into laughter. Marty, realizing he has fallen into a trap, glares at Kilroy.)
Marty: Don’t think you’re funny just because hundreds of people laughed at that.
Sailor Moon: Follow up question, why does Donzig-Gun hate you so much?
Marty: I have no idea! He’s always name dropping me in promos and sending his lackeys on excursions to Hardkore World. I’ve literally never even spoken to the man. Has my presence threatened him? Do they honestly think I wanted to go to W:UK? No, I just did it because wimpy Wesley begged me to. It is like when a friend asks you to help them move. You are essentially forced to say yes. It’s a total dick move and not something I would ever do to anyone.
Kilroy: You literally just did that in the green room.
Marty: To who?
Kilroy: Dan Stein. You left that rude voicemail saying he couldn’t go on any more deep sea fishing trips until Ollie’s apartment was all packed up.
Marty: He’s my heater. That’s completely different. Heaters love to disassemble furniture.
Kilroy: Let Dan relax. I’d be more than happy to help you guys move. Dina the donkey can even haul boxes down the stairs. All I ask is we go to Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor afterwards.
Marty: No! I’m not going to let you and your filthy pet embarrass me in front of Sulley.
Kilroy: Sulley is far too busy a monster to even know who you are.
(Marty pouts. A fan dressed as Batman approaches the microphone.)
Batman: Marty, what are your thoughts on facing Sinclair?
Marty: She’s in for a world of pain after those offensive comments, claiming that Disney santizes and bastardized classic fables. She has no respect for my dedicated coworkers, who ensure all of our films are 100 percent historically accurate. Take Pocahontas for example, every single frame of that film took place in real life. Yes, every comic relief animal, talking tree, and spontaneous musical number can be collaborated by hundreds of primary source documents.
Kilroy: May I see them?
Marty: Nope, they’re framed on the walls of Club 33. I’m afraid it’s members only. Sinclair is going to have to change her attitude about Disney real quick if she wants to defeat me. Reedy Creek Rules demands that each wrestler be dressed as a beloved Disney character or face a count out. Sinclair has the nerve to claim she’s real life royalty too. Please, that broad is a Don Bluth princess at best. I look forward to tossing that spoiled brat into the Disney Vault.
(An annoyed Rapunzel approaches the microphone.)
Ollie: Hi. My question is for Marty Donovan. Please explain why Kilroy’s generous offer was declined, considering my lease is up in six days and you still haven’t even rented a U-Haul.
Marty: The answer is I’m the heavyweight champion of the world. I don’t need any help carrying your great grandma’s vanity down three flights.
(The crowd begins to chant bullshit. Kilroy extends his hand.)
Kilroy: Come on, Marty. With all these W:UK weirdos around we need a truce. Let’s reunite the old tag team for just one day. The Mischief Express Moving Company!
(The crowd begins the yes chant.)
Marty: No! You’re in The Society and I’m in The Anointed. I'm not your buddy. We’re sworn enemies. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me team with a clown like you ever again.
Ollie: Either Kilroy helps you with the move or my dad does.
(Marty scrambles across the table to shake Kilroy’s hand. The Crowd cheers as the shot fades out.)
Marty: He was so much more than “The Miracle in Miami” though. The man won 3 Grey Cups, was the NFL comeback player of the year, and has a Heisman Trophy for crying out loud. Doug Flutie will forever be my hero.
Kilroy: I hope that answers your question on choosing a wrestling school.
(A fan dressed as Sailor Moon approaches the microphone.)
Sailor Moon: My question is for Marty. Are you disappointed to not get to face Spike Kane now at the interpromotional show?
Marty: No, I’m disappointed to have to sit on another long ass flight to England.
Kilroy: The show is in California.
Marty: Any flight over twenty minutes is too long. I’m not surprised Spike faked an ambush to get out of our match. He knew his win against me in the rumble was a fluke and things would be much different one on one. He’s filled with coward’s blood. Let’s face it, I have a proven track record of beating fat guys with funny accents.
(Marty gestures towards Kilroy, expecting a laugh, but the crowd is silent.)
Kilroy: You don’t think you have a funny accent yourself?
Marty: Not in the slightest. I speak perfectly, a cage match Cary Grant. You’re the idiot who sounds like a broken animatronic from the Country Bear Jamboree.
Kilroy: Hey, what was that Blizzard Beach thing you mentioned earlier?
Marty: You’ve never heard of Blizzard Beach!?!
Kilroy: Is it like a restaurant?
Marty: What? No, it’s only one of Disney’s finest watah pahks.
(The crowd bursts into laughter. Marty, realizing he has fallen into a trap, glares at Kilroy.)
Marty: Don’t think you’re funny just because hundreds of people laughed at that.
Sailor Moon: Follow up question, why does Donzig-Gun hate you so much?
Marty: I have no idea! He’s always name dropping me in promos and sending his lackeys on excursions to Hardkore World. I’ve literally never even spoken to the man. Has my presence threatened him? Do they honestly think I wanted to go to W:UK? No, I just did it because wimpy Wesley begged me to. It is like when a friend asks you to help them move. You are essentially forced to say yes. It’s a total dick move and not something I would ever do to anyone.
Kilroy: You literally just did that in the green room.
Marty: To who?
Kilroy: Dan Stein. You left that rude voicemail saying he couldn’t go on any more deep sea fishing trips until Ollie’s apartment was all packed up.
Marty: He’s my heater. That’s completely different. Heaters love to disassemble furniture.
Kilroy: Let Dan relax. I’d be more than happy to help you guys move. Dina the donkey can even haul boxes down the stairs. All I ask is we go to Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor afterwards.
Marty: No! I’m not going to let you and your filthy pet embarrass me in front of Sulley.
Kilroy: Sulley is far too busy a monster to even know who you are.
(Marty pouts. A fan dressed as Batman approaches the microphone.)
Batman: Marty, what are your thoughts on facing Sinclair?
Marty: She’s in for a world of pain after those offensive comments, claiming that Disney santizes and bastardized classic fables. She has no respect for my dedicated coworkers, who ensure all of our films are 100 percent historically accurate. Take Pocahontas for example, every single frame of that film took place in real life. Yes, every comic relief animal, talking tree, and spontaneous musical number can be collaborated by hundreds of primary source documents.
Kilroy: May I see them?
Marty: Nope, they’re framed on the walls of Club 33. I’m afraid it’s members only. Sinclair is going to have to change her attitude about Disney real quick if she wants to defeat me. Reedy Creek Rules demands that each wrestler be dressed as a beloved Disney character or face a count out. Sinclair has the nerve to claim she’s real life royalty too. Please, that broad is a Don Bluth princess at best. I look forward to tossing that spoiled brat into the Disney Vault.
(An annoyed Rapunzel approaches the microphone.)
Ollie: Hi. My question is for Marty Donovan. Please explain why Kilroy’s generous offer was declined, considering my lease is up in six days and you still haven’t even rented a U-Haul.
Marty: The answer is I’m the heavyweight champion of the world. I don’t need any help carrying your great grandma’s vanity down three flights.
(The crowd begins to chant bullshit. Kilroy extends his hand.)
Kilroy: Come on, Marty. With all these W:UK weirdos around we need a truce. Let’s reunite the old tag team for just one day. The Mischief Express Moving Company!
(The crowd begins the yes chant.)
Marty: No! You’re in The Society and I’m in The Anointed. I'm not your buddy. We’re sworn enemies. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me team with a clown like you ever again.
Ollie: Either Kilroy helps you with the move or my dad does.
(Marty scrambles across the table to shake Kilroy’s hand. The Crowd cheers as the shot fades out.)