Post by Jonnie Valentine on Feb 7, 2023 2:59:17 GMT -5
Fade up on the Chase Center where fans are holding up signs that say “We Came To See Glorious Wolf”, “Dan The Man”. One has Kilroy Evans dressed as Honkytonk Man that says “The Greatest Hardkore West Coast Champion Of All Time”. Others say “Marty Can’t Bluff A High Roller”, “Sheik Is Going To Get Squeezed”, “I’m A Smarty”, The Anointed’s logo but it says The Disjointed, “I Heart Eron Hunter”, “The Sooner Squeeze Is Challenge Infringement”, “My Boy Kilroy”, “The Great Syberus” with a UK flag around it, a toddler holds up a sign that says “I’m The Littlest Dragon”, “Ruben Bowman + The Anointed = Earplugs”. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine fades out to Guillermo O’Bannon and Phillip Blauer at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans and welcome to the Bay, we’re here in San Francisco for another night of Hardkore World action. I am Guillermo O’Bannon and with me is color commentator Phil Blauer.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Phillip, you swine. You know, I just took a tour of Alcatraz, and did you know that while the waters are shark infested, most of the species don’t bother humans? Al Capone could have been gotten out of there by the following Tuesday. And what is with all the one way streets out here? After a couple of re-routes on my car’s navigation, I was hoping for another fire out here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Hardkore Helloween 2022 in Boston, Massachusetts. Wesley Crane lasted an hour and four minutes, eliminating Syberus and The Sheik in a barbed wire match to win the Hardkore Helloween Cup and earn a title shot against Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: It was a worst case scenario but Marty and Wes have handled it like two professionals that accidentally knee each other in the face from time to time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right, Wesley Crane has “accidentally” kneed Marty Donovan in the face in Wrestle: UK, Las Vegas, and Reno. After a while, it stops seeming so coincidental.
Phillip Blauer: Oh, Gomer. Sweet paranoid Gomer. When you combine two men with such cat-like reflexes, knees to the face are going to happen.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has won the Hardkore Helloween Cup, the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with “The Punisher” Dan Stein, and now looks to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from his own stablemate Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: It’s a scientific exhibition.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Also tonight the Hardkore West Coast Championship is on the line as Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against former Hardkore West Coast Champion Kilroy Evans. XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter is fresh off of a win over Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: And Kilroy is fresh off of losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles but gaining a donkey that is surviving off of nepotism.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, Eron Hunter tries to stave off the challenge of the battle tested veteran, while Kilroy Evans tries to win his first singles title since 2012.
Phillip Blauer: Good golly, Miss Molly, the man hasn’t won a title since Gangnam Style?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He was retired for most of that time, you know that. Then we have the big cage rematch from Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 when Syberus defeated “The Punisher” Dan Stein for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in a match.
Phillip Blauer: Some hard feelings from that one. A Lot of interference on both sides, a real Hardkore Original. And by that I mean, overbooked.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus has wanted to dance with Dan again ever since he cost Kilroy Evans his Hardkore World title match at Hardkore Helloween 2022.
Phillip Blauer: Not to be confused with Dancing with Dan, which was my idea for a ballroom dancing instructional video that he was kinda mean about turning down.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus has the win over Dan Stein, but this time they’re in a cage with no one able to do the run-ins that Syberus likes to sprinkle in with his psychological war games. Then The Sheik will take on the undefeated Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: (angrily points at the camera) They don’t teach what The Sheik is gonna do to you in any school, college boy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why are you so offended that he went to college??
Phillip Blauer: Are you really falling for all this? All this good samaritan, charity hogwash? Wake up, sleepyhead. He’s a plant from Big School. They’re coming for your kids, America!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you stop it. Last month, in a thriller, Cross Recoba defeated The Society of the New Breed’s Syberus. Now he takes on their high flyer, former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: Both men maybe don’t have their complete attention on their opponent. Cross Recoba is involved in legal action against Kalmin Watts for submission infringement and Tuxedo Mask lost the Hardkore World Tag Team titles because he couldn’t stomach Dirk “Glorious Wolf” Thijmen winning in his place.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m sure Tux feels very bad about that.
Phillip Blauer: And I highly doubt that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well at any rate, Tuxedo Mask has a big challenge ahead of him and a win over the owner of Tap Out would be a huge feather in his cap. Conversely, with Cross Recoba’s desire to make himself an enemy of the Hardkore fans, he could do no better than defeating the wildly popular Tux. Speaking of popular, Little Dragon will be taking on the mercurial Ruben Bowman.
Phillip Blauer: I’m not supposed to say anything,...
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, in Las Vegas, Little Dragon was unsuccessful in his match with Kalmin Watts but picked up some valuable experience…
Phillip Blauer: Enough with the third degree, I’ll talk! Marty’s got a certain eye on a certain poet in a certain match. I can’t say much more or Dan Stein will tie me up with my own testicals or something, I can’t remember the exact threat but it was graphic.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I can’t think of who you’re talking about but thank you for that.
Phillip Blauer: It’s called investigative journalism, Georgia. You should try it some time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’ll give it a go. Little Dragon is looking for his next big win here, and a win over the Buff Bard would certainly fall into that category. We also have Gavin Drake taking on newcomer “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar. Drake got a win over Moondog Dook and now hoping to continue his winning ways over the new hire who has insinuated that he is or was part of the Illuminati?
Phillip Blauer: You mean that’s real? Why haven’t they asked me…I mean, yeah, that’s where I remember him from. Good ole, Alex.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx.
Phillip Blauer: Good ole, Onyx.
“Baba O'Riley” by The Who plays and the fans boo as a the mad dog Moondog Dook walks down to the ring barking and swinging his chain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is our first match, and we are welcoming back to our broadcast team, Hardkore Fashion Reporter Yolanda Ando! Welcome back, Yolanda!
Camera cuts to Hardkore Fashion Reporter Yolanda Ando standing off to the side of the aisle way
Yolanda Ando: Thank you, Guillermo and Phil! It’s great to be back. I guess you guys just forgot to call me and let me know you started last month.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, we started back last April.
Yolanda Ando: Last April? Wow, well that’s totally fine. As you know there is plenty of work for pro wrestling fashion reporters to keep me busy.
Phillip Blauer: Is that true?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think she’s being sarcastic, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: I can never pick up on that stuff. That and social cues.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Very true. Well, Yolanda. You’re here now. Please just take us away.
Yolanda Ando: (looks angrily at the camera)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: ...
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re very sorry we didn’t call you, but we really need to play Dirk van Thijmen’s music and Jonnie’s been in cost cutting mode as it is and…
Yolanda Ando: Fine. (takes a breath) Moondog Dook is an Albino hillbilly, wearing ripped jean shorts with a rope acting as a belt, with black boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda.
Phillip Blauer: Boy, touchy. I hope our history together doesn’t make for an awkward work environment or I’m gonna have to sue her.
Guillermo O’Bannon: For what?
Phillip Blauer: Attention, mostly.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook took out his frustration on Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen in the back in Las Vegas and they had to be separated. In Reno, Moondog Dook came out of the crowd to attack van Thijmen after his match with Dana “The Drone” Daniels with Daniels joining in.
Phillip Blauer: I’m just glad to see Dookie made a friend. I think ever since his last friend was found dead in their motel room he’s been hesitant to…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, ok, ok. Everyone knows that story and the DA decided there wasn’t enough evidence to charge him so let’s move on. Dirk van Thijmen’s wife Mickie Fury got involved and evened up the odds, we'll see if she’s here tonight.
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to The Chase Center. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The crowd boos loudly as Dook chews on his chain
“Born To Be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays and the fans jump to their feet! The Hardkore Tron begins playing a guy on screen with a ponytail riding a motorcycle. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen walks out onto the ramp with his wife, Mickie Fury
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, the Glorious Wolf, looking to prove he belongs in the big time!
Phillip Blauer: You should do that.
Yolanda Ando: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen is dressed in a wool coat with high black boots, underneath he has tight knee high leather pants. He has a hairy chest, and spike reddish hair and mustache. Mickie Fury wears a white cat suit and white boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Dirk van Thijmen substituted for an injured Tuxedo Mask and almost had the Hardkore World Tag Team titles won for The Society of the New Breed in Las Vegas, but Tux tried to insert himself back into the match, and wound up costing his team the titles. He was of course trained by the likes of Uncle Claymore Clyde, The Nerds, Lippi Yamazula, Suikerbossie and the legendary Tum Tum.
Phillip Blauer: What could The Nerds possibly teach anyone?
Before he steps into the ring, Dirk van Thijmen takes off his wool coat and hands it to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. The San Francisco fans hoot and whistle at the Glorious Wolf’s rippling muscles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Big ovation from the fans here, and he has won the respect from them from the last show in the Desert, but now he’s got his biggest one on one match of his career.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by Mickie Fury, Originally from Antwerpen, Belgium now living in Los Angeles, California; Standing at 6 feet tall; Weighing 230 pounds…DIRK ‘GLORIOUS WOLF’ VAN THIJMEN!!!”
The Chase Center gives him a huge pop
Dirk 'Glorious Wolf' van Thijmen vs. Moondog Dook
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and Moondog Dook and Dirk van Thijmen lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s the Glorious Wolf vs. The Moondog! Dirk van Thijmen catches Moondog Dook in a side headlock. He locks his hands together and puts a vicelike grip on Dook.
Glorious Wolf releases the headlock, and then takes him over in a snapmare
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook rolls to his feet and van Thijmen grabs two handfuls of the Moondog’s wild hair and flips him to the mat!
The audience cheers as Dook whimpers and rolls to the corner, pointing at van Thijmen
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook getting a little taste of his own medicine.
Phillip Blauer: Usually you have to hide Dook’s medicine in a piece of cheese.
Guillermo O’Bannon: An angry Dook charges Glorious Wolf, but van Thijmen catches him with a hip toss. He flips Dook again with a fireman’s carry into a hammerlock. The last time Moondog Dook was in San Francisco was March of 2005 in the old Cow Palace when The Shootfighter turned on him and his partner “Giant” Baba O’Reilly and served them up to The Warhammer Corporation; Tarrasque & "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and "Minister" Marty Bower
Dirk van Thijmen pulls up on his wrist, trying to hyperextend his chicken winged elbow. Dook howls in pain, but shakes his head refusing to quit
Phillip Blauer: No, the last time he was in San Francisco was when that promoter sued him for the fire.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, you’re right. Anyway, Moondog Dook back up to his feet with van Thijmen still hanging on to that chicken wing. Dook throws his head backwards into Glorious Wolf’s face, escaping that hammerlock. Dook now biting Dirk van Thijmen!
The Chase Center rocks with boos while Richie Richardson tries to pry Dook off of Dirk van Thijmen while Mickie Fury complains at ringside. Out of desperation, van Thijmen punches Dook in the stomach to stop him from biting him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen punches Dook in the stomach, and then lifts him up onto his shoulders with a fireman’s carry. He spins him around and round in an airplane spin!
The fans laugh and cheer as Dook makes revelation after revelation, finally van Thijmen slams him to the mat. Dook gets right back up, dizzy walks a few steps, and then falls to the mat
Phillip Blauer: That looks like Dook’s dashcam video from his DUI in 2011.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you come on, that is ancient history. Dirk van Thijmen grabs that long mane of hair and bashes Dook’s face into the turnbuckle. And again.
Dirk van Thijmen smashes Dook into the turnbuckle one more time, knocking him to the mat. He grabs Moondog Dook by the legs and catapults him over the ropes to the floor below for a big pop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook out on the floor in front of us, and van Thijman’s wife Mickie Fury sneaks in a kick to the stomach.
Phillip Blauer: Kicking a dog? Where is San Francisco’s animal lovers on this one?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook pointing at Mickie Fury and walking towards her now.
Phillip Blauer: Moondog has the look that I’m sure he’s had all those nights he wound up being a story on TMZ where Jonnie leaves a statement divorcing himself from the situation.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen now on the top turnbuckle and comes crashing down on the back of Dook’s head with a double ax handle!!
The San Francisco fans cheer as Dook goes spilling out into the railing, smacking it face first. Dirk van Thijmen checks to see if his wife is ok, but Micky Fury assures him she is fine
Guillermo O’Bannon: Glorious Wolf hits Moondog Dook with some forearms. He then rocks Moondog Dook in the jawline with a european uppercut.
A battered Moondog backs into the railing. Van Thijmen swings with a big right hand, but Dook blocks it but and returns fire with a uppercut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook grabs van Thijmen in a headlock, and then runs his head into the apron. He grabs his chain!
Phillip Blauer: I knew something was missing.
The Chase Center jeers and Mickie Fury tries to intervene, but Richie Richardson stops her. Moondog Dook whips van Thijmen with the chain, and he cries out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once again, Richie Richardson missing the point of his role in the match.
Phillip Blauer: Richie doesn’t want that lady helping.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, Dook whips him with that chain! He grabs him in a headlock, and running bulldogs his throat into the railing!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” Moondog Dook sits out in the front row of the crowd trying to collect himself. Dirk van Thijmen clutches his throat, trying to breathe while Mickie Fury tries to help him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook back here at ringside with that chain again. He runs and clotheslines van Thijmen with the chain!!
Dirk van Thijmen rolls around the floor, holding his throat. Mickie Fury complains to Richie Richardson, while Moondog Dook whips the floor with the chain repeatedly as the fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook pulls van Thijmen up by the hair, and pulls him over to the corner. He tries to ram Dirk’s head into the post, but van Thijmen blocks it with his boot. Glorious Wolf reverses it and smashes Dook’s face into the corner post!!
The Chase Center lets out another loud “OH!!” as Dook twirls around with blood running down his face. Dook walks around, dizzy and staggers back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen climbs to the top turnbuckle and catches Dook on the button with a flying dropkick!!
The crowd chants “DIRK! DIRK! DIRK!” as van Thijmen motions for Dook to get up. Mickie Fury pounds the apron. A bleeding Dook stands up and staggers into a gut wrench suplex across the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Thijmen grabs Dook’s leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab. He plants his feet and sits back on the half crab, trying to hyperextend Dook’s kneecap.
The San Francisco fans cheer as Richie Richardson checks in to see if Dook wants to tap out, but he shakes his head. Moondog Dook bleeds a large pool of blood under his face while Mickie Fury yells at him to give up
Phillip Blauer: There’s two things Moondog Dook won’t do. That’s pay child support and give up. It’s his creed. You have to respect that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Please do not respect that. Moondog Dook crawls over to the side of the ring and hooks the bottom rope.
The audience jeers as Richie Richardson forces Dirk van Thijmen to release the single leg boston crab. Dirk rolls his eyes and climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen dives off the top rope and catches Moondog Dook with a flying clothesline!
The jeers turn to cheers as Mickie Fury pumps the crowd up. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen runs him into the ropes and rolls back into a bridging backroll press
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen runs into the ropes and catches Moondog Dook with a wheelbarrow bodyscissors and then rolls up into his DDT!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Born To Be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays and the audience jumps to their feet in celebration! Mickie Fury rolls into the ring as Moondog Dook bleeds all over the canvas
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen has soundly defeated Moondog Dook with his wheelbarrow DDT!
Greg Jin: “At 10 minutes 35 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, DIRK ‘GLORIOUS WOLF’ VAN THIJMEN!!!”
Mickie Fury holds her husband’s arm up in the air in victory along with Richie Richardson as the Chase Center roars
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen said he was going to stop the Moondog and he did. He now turns his attention to the rest of the Hardkore World roster.
Moondog Dook sits up with blood running down his face as the screen fades to black
Coming in April,
The event that has showcased classic matches like Kilroy Evans vs. Tarrasque in a steel cage, Matthew X winning the Hardkore World Title Tournament in one night, Andrew Karnage vs. Ken Shiro in a barbed wire match, Syberus vs. Cobryn, and Marty Donovan vs. “The Big Ragoo” JoJo Sushi in a cage is now the place where today’s Hardkore World wrestlers will make their moment in our 35 years of history! Order now on PPV or on streaming with ScreamBox, FanDoor, Black Sugar, and Crackle TV!!
Or just watch it on your phone, with the sound down, the way wrestling was made to be seen!
Fade back up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up we have an intriguing encounter between Gavin Drake and a newcomer to Hardkore World, “The Infamous” Onyx Brekker.
“Infamous” Onyx Brekkar walks out with no music to some polite applause
Phillip Blauer: No music. Very different. I like it. I don’t need to always know what your favorite song is.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyxx Brekker is a disgraced first son of a very prominent member of one of the most powerful and influential secret societies on the planet. They have many rumored names and monikers but the general republic often refers to them as the Illumaniti.
Phillip Blauer: Oh yeah? Me too. I’m in that too.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You are not.
Phillip Blauer: I am so. I’m totally in the Elimina…Aluminum…the thing you just said. I just hung out there last night. Oh look, there’s my old pal, Arnold.
“Infamous” Onyx Brekkar walks past the announce desk
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Onyx, and don’t embarrass me.
Yolanda Ando: “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar is wearing tights/pants like Shane Helms when he was the WCW Crusierweight Champion only they are black with a black belt with silver studs or spikes all around it and the buckle is a skull with the word WAR inscribed on it's forehead. He also wears black combat boots. He wears a black and white PUNISHER logo under armour sleeveless shirt. He carries a black cane with a silver skull identical to the one on his belt buckle and wears his black leather jacket down to the ring. He wears fingerless gloves and a black fedora down to the ring as well. He is a very sharp dresser.
Phillip Blauer: I see that. Some fancy pants he’s got on.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx Brekkar made his debut in Reno, defeating Biker Daddy, but he’s got some stiffer competition here tonight with The Blood of Kings, Gavin Drake.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, fighting out of That Place between Heaven and Hell; He stands 6 foot 4 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds…’THE INFAMOUS’ ONYX BREKKAR!!!”
The intrigued audience cheers
"Impermanence" by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake defeated Moondog Dook in Las Vegas, and now wants to ruin Onyx Brekkar’s debut here tonight in San Francisco.
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the booing San Francisco crowd before he throws a fist in the air. Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Yolanda Ando: Gavin Drake is wearing a black kilt with black trunks and black boots underneath.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, The Empty Hand…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The Chase Center boos as Drake throws up his fist and Emily Black poses.
Gavin Drake vs. "The Infamous" Onyx Brekkar
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar slugs Gavin Drake right off the bat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake ducks the next right hand and back suplexes Brekkar. Brekkar gets up, only to get dropkicked back to the mat.
Emily Black applauds on the outside. Gavin Drake irish whips Brekkar into the ropes and catches him with a powerslam on the way back
…ONE!
…Onyx Brekkar kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake irish whips him into the corner this time and then runs in with an avalanche.
Gavin Drake atomic drops Brekkar on the top turnbuckle, and then pulls him down into a tree of woe. Drake backs up and running dropkicks the upside down Brekkar! The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of that. Onyx staggers out of the corner, and Drake drapes Brekkar’s own arm behind his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx staggers out of the corner, and Drake drapes Brekkar’s own arm behind his head and then delivers a heart punch!
Phillip Blauer: Oh, my brothers at the Fettucini…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Illuminati
Phillip Blauer: …That thing, will not be happy to see that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake tries to irish whip him again, but this time Onyx reverses it and shoots him into the ropes. He catches him with a lo down spinebuster known as KayFaBBeR!
…ONE!
…Gavin Drake claps his legs together on Onyx Brekkar’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake rolls to his feet and catches Brekkar around the neck, depositing him on the mat with a uranage!
Drake double underhooks Onyx Brekkar’s arms and drives his head into the mat with a DDT! The fans boo as Drake applies an STF
Guillermo O’Bannon: STF applied by Gavin Drake as he clamps his arm down across “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar’s windpipe and peels back his head.
Emily Black smiles at ringside as Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Onyx Brekkar wants to tap out. Suddenly The Chase Center darkens
Phillip Blauer: Oh my god, it’s them! The Illmatic!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Illuminati.
Phillip Blauer: I’ve angered them with my presumptiveness and now they’ve come to drink my young blood.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Won’t all the Centrum Silver in it be an issue?
Three heartbeats are heard. Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again. “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays over the PA as “The Punisher” Dan Stein makes his way to the ring area with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face.
Phillip Blauer: Oh thank god, it’s Dan The Man!
Guillermo O’Bannon: What’s he doing here? We’re in the middle of a match!
Dan Stein slides into the ring while Gavin Drake is still applying the STF on Onyx Brekkar. Emily Black tries to warn him as Dan Stein lifts his worn, taped up black club called The Peacemaker over his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein brains Gavin Drake in the back of the head with The Peacemaker!!
The crowd lets out a loud cheer. Onyx Brekkar gets to his feet, and thanks Dan Stein. Stein nods and points at Drake’s body that they should double team him
Guillermo O’Bannon: As soon as “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar turns around, Dan Stein smashes him in the back of the skull with The Peacemaker as well!! What is he doing?
Phillip Blauer: You go in there and ask him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s got a cage match with 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus later on tonight. Why would he be inserting himself into this match Dan Stein lifts Onyx Brekkar up by the throat with both hands and throttles the very life out of him!
Dan Stein drops down into a sit out chokeslam!! Stein pulls Gavin Drake up into a crotch-tie position and then pumphandles him up into a sitout slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Reckoning on Gavin Drake!! He’s laid waste to both men, and now he’s just looking at both of them.
Dan Stein motions rudely to Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. and ring announcer Greg Jin that he wants a mic
Phillip Blauer: Get him a mic, Carl!
After a few seconds Greg Jin hands Dan Stein a microphone
Dan Stein: Hey San Francisco, it’s good to see you again and SHUT THE HELL UP! The Punisher has something to say.
The Chase Center roundly boos Stein.
Dan Stein: My very good and loyal friend, Disney’s Marty Donovan, made an astute observation backstage while he was doing…uh, whatever it was that he was doing. Mr. Donovan mentioned he was bored, and this card will run for 4 hours if we don’t do something about it. I know you morons in the crowd overpaid Jonnie your hard-earned California welfare for all these matches, but Marty’s correct. We can’t be just sitting around here all day waiting, so I came down here to personally take care of the problem. So for all you fat, stupid San Francisco fans heading out for a potty break or walking to the vendor to buy your locally sourced organic popcorn topped with free range soy-based butter alternative, hold your fedoras and come on back. I have something else to say. It won’t take long…I know how short your attention spans are.
Stein smiles as the crowd rains boos down on him
Phillip Blauer: That’s nice of him.
Dan Stein: Now that I did Jonnie Valentine a favor by shortening the card, this also gives me an opportunity to send a message to my opponent tonight- the Great Syberus.
Stein looks right in the camera
Dan Stein: Syberus, listen to me very carefully. This game of show and tell is for one simple purpose- to demonstrate what is in store for you tonight. I didn’t just come out of retirement just to play stoic bodyguard to our current World champion….no. I came here to reap chaos. I came here to run through the roster like a case of 3 week old refried beans.
The fans boo and pockets of the crowd start chanting “SYBERUS! SYBERUS! SYBERUS!” Stein tries to talk over them
Dan Stein: And it starts right here tonight with The Artist Formerly Known as The Great Syberus. I hope this little demonstration was sufficient to get your attention, because this is just a taste of what I plan to do to you in that ring. I really hope you’re ready for tonight. You can bet your ass I am.
Stein points his finger at the backstage area
Dan Stein: As for anyone else back there who runs their mouth and plans to take a shot at Marty Donovan’s World title, there is talking a big game and then there is my way. Nobody touches my good friend Marty unless they can get through me first. My name is “The Punisher” Dan Stein. Come for me if you dare. Syberus, I’ll see you in hell!
Stein drops the mic and raises his Peacemaker club to the air to a loud chorus of boos, and exits the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: There he goes, the man acting as the gatekeeper for Marty Donovan’s Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Gatekeepers are necessary part of society. Without them could you imagine all the uggos and poors that would be in my restaurants and country clubs?
Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. checks on Onyx Brekkar while Emily Black tries to wake up Gavin Drake
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, at any rate, Dan Stein has ended this match effectively as a message to Syberus and anyone in the back. We’ll see if Syberus was watching when they finally lock up in a cage later on tonight!
"New on KPLM at 2am, it’s The Fast Food Report with Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr.!"
Cut to Carl Valentine Jr. sitting at a desk, with a green screen behind him playing clips of fast food burgers, fries, and sodas
Carl Valentine Jr.: (nervous, looking at the wrong camera, his lower third graphic says Karl Valentine Jr.) Tonight, we investigate Burger King’s Chicken fries. What are they? Why are they?
We run down the top 5 fries in the country and explain why seasoned fries are cheating!
Are secret menus elitist?
How to get a date with the drive thru lady. I mean, I think. It’s never actually worked, but I think some of them just had a rule about dating customers.
In Memoriam, a look back at everybody killed over a Popeye’s chicken sandwich during the pandemic
And, it’s Flashback Friday so we take a fond look back at McDonald’s Mighty Wings
Fade back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now we have a match coming up that is a real mix of styles. Ruben Bowman taking on Little Dragon.
Phillip Blauer: Ruben’s poetry defines any one style. He’s not something to be put in a box, man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I was more talking about the clash of the powerful Ruben Bowman and the lightning quick Little Dragon. Both are looking for a big win to get a shot at Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter, and a win over either man is an important step towards that.
"Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator plays and The San Francisco crowd cheers as images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. Little Dragon nods as the fans give him a huge ovation
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Las Vegas, Little Dragon had an excellent match with Kalmin Watts where they earned one another’s respect. Now tonight, he takes on the strongman, Ruben Bowman. He wrote a little poem of his own for Ruben Bowman.
Phillip Blauer: You know I didn’t really care for that. Didn’t have the polish of a Ruben Bowman poem, didn’t really get my bongos going if you know what I mean.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I do not, and it doesn’t matter because like Little Dragon says, this isn’t about poetry, it’s about wrestling, and while Bowman is certainly bigger than him, Little Dragon has far more experience.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Phillip Blauer: Yeah, well he better count his lucky stars it isn’t about poetry.
Yolanda Ando: Little Dragon wears a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Little Dragon might be the smaller man in this match but he’s not afraid and he will not back down.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; Dynamo Dragon…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The San Francisco fans cheer loudly as Little Dragon bows and then returns to his dragon stance
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman lost in Las Vegas to The Sheik and wants to erase that loss with a dominant win over Little Dragon. While he’s inexperienced, he certainly can get a win out of nowhere, like he proved in Albuquerque in his upset win over Gavin Drake.
Phillip Blauer: Again, I’m not supposed to say anything, but if he wins tonight, there’s a rumor he could be the official poet of a certain group. I’ve already said too much, but it’s a story I’ve been working on for the last couple weeks.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Anointed?
Phillip Blauer: That is rampant speculation and beneath me as a journalist. You better take your butt to Daily Mirror with that kinda hack reporting.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “And his opponent; From Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Chase Center rains boos down on Ruben Bowman as he stares at Little Dragon
Little Dragon vs. Ruben Bowman
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Bowman walks to the middle of the ring. He holds his hand high for a test of strength that Little Dragon can’t reach
Phillip Blauer: (laughs) Now that’s funny! He really is a Little Dragon!
The audience boos. Bowman laughs, and asks Phil if he can see this
Phillip Blauer: (shouts back at the ring) I can, it’s hilarious!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop it, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: I can have friends!
Little Dragon isn’t deterred. He walks up to Bowman and extends as far as he can
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pretends he’s going to lower his hand for the test of strength, then violently kicks Dragon in the ribs!
Phillip Blauer: Too bad, shrimp.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman then sends him to the mat with a double ax handle to the back.
The San Francisco fans boo the cheap tactic as Ruben Bowman stomps Dragon multiple times
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pulls him up and lifts him up high into a stalling vertical suplex.
Phillip Blauer: He holds him up there effortlessly. Like you and I would hold a gallon of milk.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman drops him to the mat in the suplex and floats over for a pin.
…ONE!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Bowman smirks as he picks Dragon up, into a half nelson hammerlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with a tiger suplex!
…ONE!
…Little Dragon rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman picks Dragon up and pushes him back into the corner. He hits a couple of shoulder tackles, then turns around and elbows Dragon in the head.
The jeers get louder as Bowman backs up to let Dragon stumble out of the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman catches him with a powerslam!
…ONE!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Ruben Bowman appears to want to get this night over with as quickly as possible and hit one of San Francisco’s many coffee houses to try out his new hep verses on the cats and kittens.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is no night off. Bowman applies a reverse chinlock.
The Chase Center rumbles with boos as Little Dragon does his best to fight it. Tommy Milligan is in position
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon works up to his feet, but Bowman keeps the chinlock on due to his size advantage. Bowman switches to a side headlock.
Phillip Blauer: If Little Dragon isn’t careful, Ruben Bowman could pop his head off like a Pepsi cap with those huge muscles.
Ruben Bowman locks his hands together and creates a vice around Dragon’s temples with the headlock. Dragon backs him up into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon tries to shoot him across the ring, but Bowman hangs on tight to the headlock.
The audience boos as Ruben Bowman wags his finger that he isn’t going anywhere, and clamps down harder on the headlock. Dragon works them back to the ropes, then steps over the bottom rope to force a break. Tommy Milligan lays in the five count until Bowman releases the headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once Dragon gets out of the ropes, Bowman rushes in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Dragon evades with kicks to Bowman’s ribs.
The crowd cheers as Bowman shakes them off, then tries again. Dragon rolls forward to evade again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pops up and applies a waistlock looking for a german suplex. Bowman tries to throw a back elbow, but Dragon ducks it then rushes Bowman into the corner.
Little Dragon throws some punches. Bowman shakes them off and reverses their positions in the corner.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tables turned now and Bowman tries for a shoulder tackle again, but Dragon pulls himself up to a seated position on the top rope and Bowman rushes through and hits the ring post!!
The Chase Center lets out a loud “OH!!” at Bowman hitting his shoulder into the steel ringpost
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman backs out, Dragon applies a headlock, then hits a tornado DDT!
The fans cheer as Dragon covers
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman rolls to the ropes, but is caught with a running kick to the head by Little Dragon!
Bowman falls to the outside as the fans cheer. Once Bowman starts getting up, Dragon hits the ropes and hits a suicide dive through the ropes, popping the crowd even more
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon picks Bowman up and rolls him into the ring, then climbs the ropes. He comes off looking for a shooting star press, but Bowman rolls out of the way!!
Dragon clutches his ribs as Bowman gets back to his feet. Bowman stomps Dragon in the ribs a couple of times
Phillip Blauer: “Oh mine ribs hurt, let me count the ways.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman pulls him up by the mask and irish whips into the turnbuckles. Dragon hits the corner hard, then is caught by a big boot from Bowman!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The fans cheer as Little Dragon stays alive. The San Francisco crowd starts chanting “DRAGON! DRAGON! DRAGON!” Bowman smirks and climbs the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once he gets to the top, Bowman comes off with a moonsault, but Dragon gets his knees up!!
The Chase Center erupts with cheers as Little Dragon fights his way up, then pulls Bowman up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon ducks a punch, then hits a chop block to Bowman’s knees. Dragon hits the ropes, then delivers a thunderous clothesline to the back of Bowman’s head!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Little Dragon pops up and plays to the fans. Dragon leaps up to the top rope as Bowman stands up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon jumps off looking for DSD, but Bowman is able to steady himself.
Phillip Blauer: Look at that power!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman falls forward to clutch the ropes and save himself. Dragon lets go, then rolls backward up to his feet.
Bowman stays on the ropes as Kelly O’Connell gets between them. With O’Connell facing him, Bowman pokes Dragon in the eye. The fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, come on.
Phillip Blauer: Bowman was just brushing some dandruff off Kelly’s shoulder. A girl’s got to look her best.
Bowman gets out of the ropes and smirks as he viciously whips Dragon into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman hits the ropes himself and is looking for another running big boot, but Dragon is quicker and dropkicks Bowman’s plant leg!
Bowman clutches at his leg and flops around on the mat. Kelly O’Connell comes over as Bowman grimaces in pain, and punches his fist into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: It looks as if he may have hyperextended his knee. Bowman hobbles to his feet, but Little Dragon, seeing the injury, kicks him in the knee, and dragon screw leg whips to the mat. Dragon applies a stepover leglock.
Bowman sits up in pain, as Little Dragon twists on his crossed leg, putting pressure on his knee. Bowman is able to use that 6’7 frame to reach out and grab the ropes and Kelly O’Connell forces him to break the stepover leglock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pulls himself up by the ropes, but Little Dragon dives into a knee clip from behind. He rushes to apply a figure four leglock!
The fans erupt in cheers! Kelly O’Connell Bowman tries to reach for the ropes, but Dragon uses every bit of his power to scoop back and pull Bowman away from the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon begins to slam his fist into Bowman’s injured knee, and this is too much! Bowman taps out!
The San Francisco crowd leaps to their feet as "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator plays. Little Dragon releases the figure four and raises his arms in victory
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes, 37 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
Little Dragon hops onto the middle turnbuckle and soaks in the cheers of the fans. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. gets into the ring to take a look at Ruben Bowman’s knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon shows it’s not how big the dragon is but the size of his heart tonight with a big win over the Buff Bard, Ruben Bowman; who looks like that knee injury might be serious.
Phillip Blauer: Someone help the poet!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon puts himself right back into contention for Eron Hunter’s Hardkore West Coast Championship with tonight’s victory.
Little Dragon goes to ringside and starts slapping the hands of the fans. The Hardkore medical team stabilizes Ruben Bowman’s leg and starts carrying him away on a stretcher
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a highly anticipated match between two icons, Tuxedo Mask and Tap Out owner Cross Recoba.
Phillip Blauer: Is Cross here? I was gonna give him my resume but I’m still working on my cover letter. How do you spell unrivaled?
“Zero Space” by Kidneythieves plays and the crowd jumps to their feet! Tuxedo Mask walks out to the loud cheers of the San Francisco crowd. Tux stands at each side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak up and encourage the audience’s cheers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is coming off a heartbreaking loss in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: That predicament is a dime a dozen in Sin City.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux was injured by Marty Donovan and had to be taken back to the locker room for medical attention. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen substituted for him and when he was at the jaws of victory, Tuxedo Mask insisted on tagging back in, and losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with Kilroy Evans.
Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to a big pop from the audience. He sees Yolanda and gives her a kiss on the cheek
Yolanda Ando: Oh my…Tux…we can’t do this again. Anyway guys, Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.
He slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match..Tux removes the tailcoat and mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, he will try and move on past that terrible mistake, and get a big win over the undefeated Cross Recoba tonight. The last time Tuxedo Mask was in San Francisco was in 2005 when he and Death Gojira teamed up as The Cupcake Crew to defeat Syberus and AWS Man.
Tux slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match.
Greg Jin: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, hailing from Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure…TUXEDO MASK!!!"
The crowd gives Tuxedo Mask a huge ovation.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the Chase Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. The San Francisco fans boo as out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The High Caliber Wrestling Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The crowd responds with a cavalcade of boos and jeers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Quite a different reaction than he got in his hometown of Las Vegas last month, this time in San Francisco against the popular Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: What do these people know? They designed an entire city of one way streets.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the jeering audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Reno, Cross Recoba brought some lawyers to observe The Sooner Squeeze in Kalmin Watts’ match. Kalmin Watts responded by tossing his opponent “El Exotic” Joey Little Horse onto those attorneys.
Phillip Blauer: Honestly, you can’t bring guests here without worrying about people throwing sexy Indians onto them.
Cross holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more venomous response from the fans, and begins down the ramp still holding it aloft
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba thinks he has a score to settle with Kalmin Watts and surely will be using this match to send a message to the Sooner. But Tuxedo Mask is a former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion as well as just coming off a run as the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, not to mention a 17 year veteran and not to be taken lightly.
Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck. He sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to heckle and boo even louder. Cross stands to his full height and smirks, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, hailing from Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada; He stands 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing in at 230 pounds; The Box Office Smash of the XHF Network, He is The CEO of Tap Out Wrestling and The HCW Diamond Champion…’THE FOX’ CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Chase Center rocks with boos
Cross Recoba vs. Tuxedo Mask
Richie Richardson rings for the bell, and he fans cheer as the pair lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross shoves Tuxedo into the ropes, and then Richie Richardson calls for a break.
Cross smirks and backs up, and then he drives a punch into the face of Tux before he snaps him at the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba hits him right on the button with a dropkick!
The San Francisco fans boo, and starts chanting The fans start chanting “CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS!” Cross smirks before he wraps up Tux’s legs and turns him over into a scorpion anklelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba has got Tux in the Lupara Bianca! He crushes the back of Tux’s head with his knee while twisting his ankle.
Tuxedo shakes his head at Richie Richardson, dragging himself towards the ropes as Cross tightens the hold. But Tuxedo soon grabs the lower rope, and Richie Richardson calls for the break with a few shoves at Cross. The hold is broken, and Recoba yells at Richardson as he pushes him backwards
Phillip Blauer: I would be careful. Does he know who’s nephew that is? It’s Jon…
Guillermo O’Bannon: (talks over him) It’s Richie Richardson, a completely unrelated official! And he better respect his authority.
Phillip Blauer: On what planet does Richie have any authority?
Tuxedo Mask rolls to his feet, leaning hard on the ropes as he limps forward. Cross smirks, and then he drives him into the corner delivering chop after chop as the fans count them down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba snaps Tuxedo across the ring, firing him into the far corner. He charge in after him, looking for the european uppercut, but Mask leaps over his head, coming off the ropes to land behind him! He grabs Cross, rolling him up for the pin in a sunset flip!
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba claps his legs together on Tuxedo Mask’s head!
The fans boo, and Cross comes to his feet fuming but Tuxedo Mask hits him with a dropkick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask leaps to the outside before coming back in with a slingshot DDT!
Cross sprawls on the mat, and Tuxedo Mask basks in the cheers of the fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux leaps to the turnbuckle, and he comes off with a split legged moonsault but Cross gets his knees up!!
Mask bounces off, holding at his back before Cross is on him. The fans start buzzing as Anthony Jordan shows up on the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: What’s he doing here?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, but back in the ring Cross Recoba drags Tuxedo Mask back to his feet firing off stiff elbows to his lower back again and again, and then he spins him around with a snap suplex! Mask is down, and Cross smirks before he rolls him up for a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out
The fans cheer, and Cross glares at Richie Richardson before he rolls to his feet to yell at the teen. He curses out Richardson, making the young ref look at his shoes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba turns around to be grabbed by Mask for a quick roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out
Cross fumes, and Mask shrugs before Recoba comes charging in before he hits the drop toe hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross hits the middle rope, and Mask runs back across the ring to come off with a 619!
Cross falls back in the ring, and Tuxedo Mask bows for the cheering fans. Anthony Jordan begins walking to the ring
Phillip Blauer: Now what is this stiff doing walking towards the ring? He has no business here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure why Kalmin Watts’ manager is here but Tuxedo Mask turns to fire a dropkick into the rising Cross!
The San Francisco fans cheer and Cross slides downward to sit against the turnbuckle.Tuxedo grins, and goes backwards before he hits a handspring before landing on Cross with a bronco buster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxbuster!!
The crowd is on their feet, and Mask rolls backwards with a smirk. Anthony Jordan is now at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is leveled by a huge clothesline from Cross Recoba!
The fans groan, and Cross irish whips him into the ropes before catching with a sideslam into an elbow drop
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask gets his shoulder up!
The fans boo, and Cross snorts before he starts stomping away Tuxedo Mask’s back.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba plants a foot behind his knee, stomping away! He pulls Mask up again into a release german suplex!
Mask sprawls, starting to rise before Cross is on him once more. He hauls him to his feet, and scowling lifts him upwards into a styles clash and into a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Garibaldi's Guillotine!!
The fans jeer, and Recoba leans back hard as Mask strains for the ropes once more.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask’s fingers narrowly missing the bottom rope, and Cross drags him backwards as Richie Richardson stares down at Mask looking for the tap out!
Anthony Jordan jumps onto the apron and the fans cheer! Richie Richardson turns around to tell Jordan to get off the apron
Phillip Blauer: Get that old neverwas out of here! Cross has this match won!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie Richardson trying unsuccessfully to get Kalmin Watts’ manager down, but to no avail. Cross Recoba releases the Garibaldi's Guillotine and tosses Tuxedo Mask over the ropes to the floor below!!
Cross Recoba walks over to the apron but Anthony Jordan drops to the floor and backs up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba now giving chase to the manager up the aisle way and…Kalmin Watts now steps out from behind the curtain to back Anthony Jordan up!
Huge pop from the San Francisco fans as Cross Recoba stops in his tracks
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Kalmin Watts!
Phillip Blauer: I’m surprised he found the time between walking old ladies across the street and rescuing kittens from storm drains.
Kalmin Watts and Anthony Jordan begin walking towards Cross Recoba, who begins to back off as the audience is ecstatic
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba has said that he is taking legal action against Kalmin Watts but it looks like Watts wants some action of his own tonight against The Box Office Smash!
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba is a man of dignity and class that hasn’t yet gotten a chance to peruse my resume I assume. He is busy in a match with a former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion, a match he had won, I might add and doesn’t have time for…
Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. suddenly rings the bell as everyone looks around in confusion
Phillip Blauer: What in the Sam Hill?
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, at 9 minutes 43 seconds; Referee Richie Richardson has counted both men out of the ring. This match has been ruled a Double Countout!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?
Phillip Blauer: Richie no!!
Richie Richardson shrugs at Phil while Cross Recoba kicks the railing in frustration. Kalmin Watts and Anthony Jordan laugh as they walk back to the locker room
Phillip Blauer: Richie! This is the first Hardkore World double countout in 30 years!
Richie Richardson: My bad. Don’t tell Uncle Jonnie?
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re on TV Richie and…Jonnie is your boss, remember?
Richie Richardson: Totally. Am I off now?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, Richie.
Richie Richardson: Sick.
Cross Recoba smashes a chair against the corner post in anger and then tosses it down the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: Yeah I would get out while the getting is good, Richie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba tossing quite the tantrum here tonight. Kalmin Watts effectively cost Cross Recoba a win here tonight as their rivalry begins to boil over here tonight in San Francisco! Woah!!
Cross Recoba flips their announce table, ripping off the headsets of Guillermo and Phil who run like roaches when the light comes on!! Cross Recoba smashes the announce table with the chair! The fans start chanting “CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS!” as it fades out to commercial
This March, Hardkore World comes back to the Pacific Northwest for the first time since 2012 when we invade Portland, Oregon! Get your tickets now at the Veteran's Memorial Coliseum
“Boomer Sooner” by The University of Oklahoma Marching Band hits. The crowd cheers as Kalmin Watts, wearing his WUK British TV Title around his waist, walks out from behind the curtain.
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is, Kalmin Watts, the Wrestle UK British TV Champion.
Phillip Blauer: So he’s champion of Benny Hill? Big deal.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Earlier he cost Cross Recoba his match with Tuxedo Mask, causing a double countout, but now he’s here to put his title on the line against The Sheik because he’s a fighting champion.
Yolanda Ando: Watts is in his Oklahoma crimson and cream singlet. And the unidentified man walking out behind him is wearing a dark blue T-shirt and pants. On the back of the shirt is “SFFD” signaling that this man is likely a firefighter.
Phillip Blauer: Nothing gets past you, Yolanda.
Watts, Anthony Jordan and the firefighter walk down the aisle then enter the ring. Jordan moves around the ring and receives a microphone from timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. He ascends the steps and enters the ring as “Twenties” cuts off.
Anthony Jordan: “Yes, you guessed right, it is time for another Sooner Squeeze Challenge!”
The fans cheer as Jordan gives his goofy grin.
Phillip Blauer: We don’t have time for this, we’re running heavy as it is. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. said we had to cut my In My Humble Opinion spots for time.
Watts leans over and whispers something to the firefighter. Probably something to help calm him down as it looks like it is his first time in a ring.
Anthony Jordan: “Our challenger today represents the San Francisco Fire Department and is competing for victims of the recent wildfires!”
The fans cheer again Jordan walks over to the firefighter.
Anthony Jordan: “He is your own Captain Alex Gonzalez!”
The crowd cheers again as Gonzalez waves to them. Jordan reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an envelope.
Anthony Jordan: “Since things can be a little more expensive here, we have increased the winner’s purse to twenty-thousand dollars!”
The crowd cheers again as Jordan puts the money away.
Phillip Blauer: He’s not kidding. A clam chowder bread bowl for $30?
Anthony Jordan: “The rules have not changed, but I will go over them again. Once Captain Gonzalez is locked into the Sooner Squeeze, a sixty second timer begins. He can win by completely breaking the hold or surviving the sixty seconds without submitting or being pinned. Also, to be clear, ‘breaking the hold’ means successfully getting out of Kalmin’s grasp. Even if you manage to pull his legs apart or shift the hold, you have to be clear of him.”
Jordan turns to both men.
Anthony Jordan: “Gentlemen, take your positions!”
Both men get on the mat, and Watts wraps his legs around Gonzalez without locking in the hold. Jordan checks with both men to see if they are ready. They indicate that they are. Jordan motions for Kelly O’Connell, in the ring since the beginning, to get into place.
Anthony Jordan: “Okay! THREE, TWO, ONE, GO!”
Watts locks in the Sooner Squeeze, and Captain Gonzalez grimaces and groans. He’s trying to get used to the pain as Watts uses every exhale lock in a little tighter. Gonzalez fights through it for the first twenty-five seconds. Pushing off of the leg on his front, Gonzalez slowly manages to turn himself. Eventually, he turns into a guard! With Watts flat, the referee counts to one, but Watts sits up. He locks Gonzalez in a front-face lock as we reach the fifty second mark. Watts quickly shifts and gets back into the Sooner Squeeze, then rolls Gonzalez back onto his shoulders. The referee counts to three, and Watts wins.
Anthony Jordan: “Wow, I have never seen that before! What a fight from Captain Alex Gonzalez!”
The crowd cheers as Jordan picks Gonzalez up and congratulates him as Watts stands up. Watts shakes hands with Gonzalez and compliments him on countering the hold.
Anthony Jordan: “Captain, you almost found a new way to win! That was amazing. Great show, but, unfortunately, you did not win.”
Jordan reaches into his jacket pocket and produces the envelope with $20,000. He hands it to Watts.
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin, congratulations.”
Phillip Blauer: Where does he get this money from?
Watts accepts the envelope, then hands it to Captain Gonzalez. The fans cheer as Watts pats him on the back and thanks him for his service. Suddenly “My Name is Human” by Highly Suspect plays and the San Francisco fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Come on, we’re trying to do a good thing here for a charity.
Phillip Blauer: A Jonnie Valentine territory doing something good has always been like oil and water.
Cross Recoba walks out and waves that they need to call The Sooner Squeeze Challenge off. Anthony Jordan tries to get referee Kelly O’Connell to do something but she is powerless. The firefighter leaves the ring out of fear
Cross Recoba: “No, no, no! You think you’re going to cost me that match with Tuxedo Mask and then continue with his gross, clear, direct infringement on The Garibaldi's Guillotine Challenge?? I have tried to go through this through legal channels but you went so far as to assault my attorneys in Reno. You leave me no recourse other than to challenge your challenge.”
The Chase Center jeers Cross Recoba. Kalmin Watts throws his arms up in confusion while Anthony Jordan tries to get Cross to address him personally
Cross Recoba: “That’s right, I’m tired of all this. it’s time to go head to head, The Sooner Squeeze Challenge vs. The Garibaldi's Guillotine Challenge, simultaneously.”
The fans cheer the idea of the two submission challenges going up against one another. Kalmin Watts nods his head in approval while Anthony Jordan quietly warns him about the drawbacks
Cross Recoba: “We get two volunteers to take our respective finishes, and whoever’s victim taps out first, is the winner. I’ll put up $5,000 to this pitiful charity of yours.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: How is he against rebuilding after a wildfire?
Phillip Blauer: Those are usually just giant slush funds.
Anthony Jordan waves it off, saying he doesn’t accept on behalf of his client. Kalmin Watts tries to talk him out of it
Guillermo O’Bannon: It looks as though Kalmin Watts is fine with this challenge from Tap Out owner Cross Recoba, but his manager Anthony Jordan doesn’t think it’s the right time.
Phillip Blauer: You’re mispronouncing fear, Gustavo. That’s pure uncut panic on the part of manager Anthony Jordan. He knows his Sooner Squeeze is nothing compared to the Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Cross Recoba: “Fine, how about $10,000?”
The San Francisco fans pop as Kalmin Watts stops in his tracks. Anthony Jordan attempts to explain to Watts what his options are as Cross Recoba smirks
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba is putting his money where his mouth is. And all for a good cause.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The point here is to help. Kalmin Watts seems ready to veto Kalmin Watts.
Kalmin Watts agrees to the bet, and Anthony Jordan rolls his eyes
Cross Recoba: “If we could have a couple of volunteers please?”
Guillermo O’Bannon: That could be difficult, finding two people that want to take both the Garibaldi's Guillotine and The Sooner Squeeze.
Phillip Blauer: Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. puts up his hands and backs away
After a few awkward moments “Playing with Fire” by Paula Seling and Ovi plays and the fans cheer. The Dutch Express walk out waving to the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s the Dutch Express! Harley van Houten and Leo van Dam are bravely coming forward to test their mettle against the dueling submissions.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t really understand why, but I appreciate their taste for adventure.
Yolanda Ando: “These two fun loving reddish husky guys come off that ramp in black boots both wearing overalls. waving to the fans. Underneath they have the Dutch flag on the back of their trunks.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The Dutch Express now assuming the position in front of Cross Recoba and Kalmin Watts to see who’s move is greater.
Phillip Blauer: (rubbing his hands together) I can’t wait. I’ve played this out in my head so many times that I’ve been asked to leave dinners with friends I haven’t seen in years because I’m not talking…just thinking of who has a better submission hold. It’s really quite vexing when you think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Phil?
Kalmin Watts wraps his legs around Harvey van Houten and Cross Recoba pulls Leo van Dam’s head into his legs. Watts applies a body vice legscissors while on van Houten’s back while Recoba lifts van Dam in a styles clash but transitions it into a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross has on the Garibaldi's Guillotine while Kalmin Watts clamps down on The Sooner Squeeze. Kelly O’Connell checks both men, who shake their head and signal they can continue. ‘
The fans cheer as Kalmin Watts squeezes Harvey van Houten’s ribs with his trunk like legs, while Harvey grimaces in pain. Meanwhile, Cross Recoba is bending Leo van Dam in half with his Garibaldi's Guillotine
Phillip Blauer: It looks like it’s neck and neck so far. It really depends on the pain tolerance of these two Dutchmen. You know, this is really a fascinating new kind of sport. We could have been doing this all along. The figure four vs. the boston crab, the camel clutch vs. the Sgt Slaughter knuckle noogie thing!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell looking for the tap out, checking on both men.
Kalmin Watts clenches his whole body, and gives it his all and Harvey van Houten begins to nod a little. Cross Recoba looks over at them nervously
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten looks like he may be close to giving up!
Cross Recoba drops Leo van Dam, releasing the Garibaldi's Guillotine and gets behind Kalmin Watts while he still has van Houten in The Sooner Squeeze. The crowd begins to boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba gets underneath Kalmin Watts and drops him on his head with a saito suplex!!
The Chase Center rocks with boos. Cross Recoba stands over top of Kalmin Watts, seething with anger while Anthony Jordan shouts insults at him
Phillip Blauer: Let’s call it a draw.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Let’s call it what it is, Cross Recoba saw that he was about to lose the challenge and decided to take a cheap shot on Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: Look, this guy just rubs some people the wrong way. Giving money to charity?! That’s heat, brother.
Cross Recoba rolls out of the ring, pointing at Kalmin Watts as Anthony Watts heps his client to his feet. Kalmin Watts tries to go after him, but Jordan holds him back, trying to save him from himself, since he has a match coming up. The Dutch Express limp to the back as Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. leads a livid Cross Recoba to the locker room
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba and Kalmin Watts are currently on a collision course that goes far beyond submission challenges.
Phillip Blauer: I have not been smartened up to why he did that, but when I am, I will have a full throated rebuttal for the assumingly unfair treatment he is receiving from you.
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the San Francisco crowd jeers as a laughing Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out with The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves certainly thinks that was pretty funny.
Phillip Blauer: Let the guy laugh. Cripes, when did you become such a destroyer of mirth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t…I don’t destroy mirth.
Phillip Blauer: Says you.
The Sheik is licking his chops as he sees Kalmin Watts rub his neck slightly, and slides under the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Graves says Kalmin Watts may have heat with The Office which would explain why he was booked against The Sheik. Graves feels The Sheik has represented Hardkore World at XHF Supremacy and in Wrestle UK, and should be rewarded with title shots, but instead is given a match with Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: It defies all logic, but then again Jonnie doesn’t appreciate good talent and never has.
The Sheik points at Anthony Jordan, threatening him. Malcolm Xavier Graves laughs at Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik had some harsh words for Kalmin Watts’ manager, Anthony Jordan, and Malcolm Xavier Graves accusing Jordan of just using Watts as a meal ticket. The Sheik now trying to intimidate him here before the match begins.
Phillip Blauer: Some guys just aren’t prepared for the end of an in-ring career.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now trying to intimidate him here before the match begins. He has said that he is going to leave Kalmin Watts laying in front of Anthony Jordan.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the WRESTLE UK BRITISH TELEVISION TITLE! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The crowd drowns Greg out with boos. Greg puts the mic to his side to wait out the jeering while Malcolm Xavier Graves shakes it off
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Great King of Terror…THE SHEIK!!!”
The boos get louder while The Sheik fakes and flinches towards Kalmin Watts. Watts waves him on
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Anthony Jordan; From Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 foot 6 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds of Boomer Sooner; He is the WRESTLE UK BRITISH TELEVISION CHAMPION…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The Chase Center erupts in cheers as Kalmin Watts raises one arm
Wrestle:UK Television Title Match
Kalmin Watts vs. The Sheik
Greg Jin and Malcolm Xavier Graves exit the ring as Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. The Sheik goes for a lock up, but Kalmin Watts ducks under and does a go behind
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts grabs The Sheik in a rear waistlock, and then does a takedown on The Man from Rub' al Khali.
Kalmin Watts floats over into a side headlock. He locks his hands together and grinds his forearm into the temple of The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik making a mistake if his gameplan is trying to wrestle the Oklahoma University standout.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t get big gameplan vibes off of this guy.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess you’re right. The Sheik is now working his way to his feet with Watts hanging on to that headlock.
The Sheik pulls on Kalmin Watts’ hair, but Kelly O’Connell admonishes him and forces him to stop. The Sheik pushes Kalmin Watts off into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik follows him in with a heel kick to the face!
The audience boos, and The Sheik punches and kicks Watts while he’s in the corner. Malcolm Xavier Graves whoops it up at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik irish whips Watts in to the opposite corner but when he charges in this time, Watts catches him with an arm drag!
The fans pop and Kalmin Watts applied an armbar. Watts sticks his knee into Sheik’s shoulder and clamps down on his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts seemed to feel The Sheik was taking him lightly, and is trying to make him pay here. He now turns it into a standing armbar, using Sheik’s own weight to put pressure on his shoulder. The Sheik is now forced to his feet by his arm barred arm.
The Sheik uses his free arm to scoop Kalmin Watts up and then drop him into a michinoku driver II
…ONE!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik stomps the back of Kalmin Watts’ head over and over.
The San Francisco fans boo, and The Sheik gives Watts another stomp just for them. He pulls Watts up into a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik drives Watts’ head into the canvas with a DDT!
Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle as Kalmin Watts struggles to get to his feet. When he does, The Sheik dives off but the powerful Watts catches him, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts once again goes after Sheik’s arm with a shoulderbreaker. Watts pulls him up into the air with a suplex and leaves him up there!
The Chase Center cheers while Malcolm Xavier Graves yells at Watts to put him down this instant. Watts finally drops back and crashes Sheik down to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts scoops Sheik up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker.
Sheik clutches his back on the mat. Watts pulls him up and irish whips him, but The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik catches Kalmin Watts coming in with a springboard back elbow!!
The Sheik goes out to the apron, and slingshots himself over the ropes into a somersault leg drop across the throat of Watts
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls him up into a front facelock and steps up onto the second turnbuckle. He jumps off with a tornado DDT but Watts reverses it into a spinebuster!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts presses The Sheik over his head!
Phillip Blauer: This is starting to come off very “look at me”.
The crowd roars as Sheik shakes his head while Watts walks him around the ring. Kalmin eventually tosses him over the ropes to the floor below
Phillip Blauer: That was over the top rope, isn’t that illegal?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Maybe in AWA in the mid-80s.
Phillip Blauer: We started going to hell in a handbasket when we started letting that go.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts now going to the floor after…
Phillip Blauer: Hell in a handbasket.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I got it, Phil. Watts now looking to suplex The Sheik on the floor…but Malcolm Xavier Graves just jabbed the top of that cane into his kidneys!
The Chase Center rocks with boos. Anthony Jordan starts walking over, threatening MXG. Graves backs off, trying to plead his case to Jordan
Phillip Blauer: Ok, and here’s big man to pick on a 90 pound manager.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He is not 90 pounds.
Phillip Blauer: And now you’re body shaming him?? This guy can’t catch a break!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan is doing his job, trying to prevent any interference in his client’s match.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah? Well, bang up job so far.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile The Sheik smashes Kalmin Watts’ face into the guardrail!
The Sheik grabs a chair and menaces Anthony Jordan with it. Jordan backs off, and then The Sheik turns around and smashes Watts in the head with the steel chair!! A collective “OH!” goes over the San Francisco crowd and Watts is sprawled out on the arena floor
Phillip Blauer: Where are you with your “Kalmin Watts is making a mistake if his gameplan is trying to fight The Sheik on the floor” analysis? Pretty quiet, aren’t you?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, it was probably overzealousness on his part…
Phillip Blauer: (puts his hand up in Guillermo’s face) AHHHH!! I don’t want to hear it.
The Sheik rolls back into the ring, as Kalmin Watts pulls himself up by the railing
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik slingshots himself over the ropes onto Kalmin Watts with a plancha!!
The fans boo as Sheik and Watts lie on the floor. Sheik gets to his feet and rolls Watts back into the ring, then climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik comes crashing down with a flying leg drop!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
The fans applaud as both men lie on the mat, trying to catch their breath. Anthony Jordan and Malcolm Xavier Graves stand on opposite sides of the ring, pounding the apron, trying to wake their client up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts gets to his feet and blocks a right hand from The Sheik, countering with a left hook of his own. He scoops The Sheik up into a ribbreaker, and then uses that incredible strength to curl the 235 pound Sheik back up and drop him into a gutbuster. He curls him up one more time, and this time swings him over his shoulder. Watts gets a running start and powerslams The Sheik in the center of the ring!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts irish whips him into the ropes but Sheik ducks The Oklahoma Hammer, The Sheik comes off the opposite ropes with a slingblade!
Kalmin Watts struggles to his feet, but Sheik grabs him and sits out into a facebuster! The jeers get loud as The Sheik applies a LeBell lock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls back on Kalmin Watts’ head and neck, while clamping down on that arm. Kelly O’Connell in perfect position if Kalmin Watts should tap out.
Phillip Blauer: (turning to a disturbance behind him) What the devil? Gepetto, there’s a fan trying to jump the rail and attack me. Throw yourself at him to give me time!
Just as Phil leaves the broadcast position, Donzig jumps the railing into the ringside area
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Donzig! The Sheik’s opponent at our joint show with Wrestle: UK in LA!
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. makes the initial stop, but Donzig easily pushes him back and the portly Valentine tumbles to the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon:Larry’s down! Someone get Larry! Donzig now punches tosses Malcolm Xavier Graves into the guardrail!!
The fans pops at Malcolm Xavier Graves getting hurt and then Donzig makes his way over by the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donzig sprays a black mist into The Sheik’s eyes while Sheik’s hands are locked in the LeBell lock on Kalmin Watts!! The Sheik is blinded!
The audience cheers The Sheik’s misfortune, and The Sheik releases the LeBell lock, screaming and blinded
Donzig: “See you in LA!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whatever is in that black spew has got The Sheik completely blinded! He stands up, groping at the air, and Kalmin Watts grabs him in a rear waistlock, and flips him into a perfect german with a bridge!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Twenties” by Ghost plays and Kalmin Watts rises to his feet, working out his shoulder as Kelly O’Connell raises his good arm. Donzig escapes through the crowd
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL WRESTLE: UK BRITISH TELEVISION CHAMPION…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik’s issues with Donzig in Wrestle: UK have followed him here to San Francisco. But Donzig should be the one concerned. There’s nothing scarier than The Sheik looking to settle a score. He’ll find that out in their barbed wire match in Los Angeles.
Kalmin Watts steps through the ropes and starts slapping hands with the fans in the front row. Malcolm Xavier Graves slides into the ring to tend to The Sheik
Phillip Blauer: Is he gone?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think so.
Phillip Blauer: Thanks for holding down the fort. I was afraid it was a deranged wharfman, looking to silence my criticism of their overpriced sourdough bread bowls out here. But I will not be silenced! For that price, you should not have to ask for oyster crackers!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jesus, stop yelling, Phil! (straightens out his suit) Kalmin Watts scores his biggest victory so far here on the West Coast, I’m not even sure if he was aware of Donzig’s interference.
Phillip Blauer: I imagine Anthony Jordan paid for the whole thing from his wildfire slush fund.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He did not. Anyway, Kalmin Watts will be wrestling on Team Hardkore World at The Battle of Los Angeles against Team Wrestle: UK.
Kalmin Watts slings the Wrestle: UK British Television Championship over his shoulder and walks out down the aisle with Anthony Jordan as fans pat him on the back. Malcolm Xavier Graves is pouring water in The Sheik’s eyes, and trying to wash the black spray out of his eyes with towels. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. tends to Larry Valentine Jr. on the floor as a worried Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. looks on, worried. Fade to commercial
Open on the Chase Center with the ring now wrapped in a chain link fencing. Guillermo and Phil are at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: It was 15 years…
Phillip Blauer: (bat screams)
Guillermo clutches his ears and Hardkore Camera Jackie Valentine Jr. flinches
Guillermo O’Bannon: My god, what is that??
Phillip Blauer: (bat screams and points at the steel cage)
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? What? Is it the cage?
Phil nods, bat screaming and still pointing at the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! Phil! Breathe!
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. holds on to Phil while Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. tries to give Phil a sedative
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, hold still!!
David Valentine Jr. is able to inject him with a heavy sedative, as Phil breathes irregularly, still pointing at the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, can you hear me?
Phillip Blauer: Ca…Ca…Ca….
Guillermo O’Bannon: Slow down, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: Ca…Ca…Ca…Cage!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cage?
Phil nods furiously, pointing at the cage
Phillip Blauer: Cage! F…F…F…
Guillermo nods, trying to help him along
hillip Blauer: F…F…F…Fall!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fall?
Phil nods. He points to the top of his head
Phillip Blauer: On…On…On…On M…M…M…My Head!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I know, I know. That must have hurt.
Phil nods, then shivers as his looks at the ground, locked in PTSD
Guillermo O’Bannon: But last time that was when Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. had his full crew, but tonight he lost his top apprentice, Simon.
Phil cheers up, then realizes that’s worse
Guillermo O’Bannon: But anyway, it was 15 years ago, the main event of Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 in August for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. The champion Syberus putting his title on the line against “The Punisher” Dan Stein with “Platinum” Pat Bozzini as the special guest referee.
Phillip Blauer: (slurring) Those final instructions before the bell…must have lasted 20 minutes.
Phillip Blauer: Boy, was that convoluted. Did a guy cut an entire promo in the middle of the match? And who was that tall glass of handsome at the announce desk? Boy, they said my Mexican botox sessions were “medically inadvisable” back then but the proof is really in the pudding. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr.? Can we run that back one more time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, we are not doing that.
Phillip Blauer: Why? Because you were doing that messy hair phase with all the product?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes! Anyway, Syberus used interference from, get ready: Lucifer Jones, Roscoe Law, Freddy Lopez, and Adrian Tanner Jr. to win that night. But tonight, he will be trapped in a cage with The Punisher, mano y mano.
The Chase Center darkens, and three heartbeats are heard. Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again as “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays over the PA. “The Punisher” Dan Stein makes his way to the ring area with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face and the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship is strapped around his waist
Guillermo O’Bannon: He came out here earlier and laid waste to Gavin Drake and “The Infamous” Onyx Brakker because he couldn’t wait to destroy Syberus any longer.
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man doesn’t like when we run heavy on time.
Dan Stein starts walking down to the ring, and no one dares pat his chest or back. A fan with a “Dan The Man” signs gets on camera
Yolanda Ando: “The Punisher” Dan Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He once used the skull of the ubiquitous Punisher but gave up the symbol completely after a trademark dispute. If you look closely at his forearms, you can see a very faint outline of what used to be skull tattoos he had removed several years ago.
Phillip Blauer: (squints) Oh yeah.
Yolanda Ando: He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots. His elbow is wrapped. Stein brings a worn, taped up black club called the Peacemaker with him as well.
Guillermo O’Bannon:Thank you, Yolanda. He respects Syberus’ five Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship wins but he is here to protect Disney’s Marty Donovan and keep Syberus from ever becoming a six time champion.
Upon entering the steel cage, “The Punisher” Dan Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker, to the jeers of the crowd.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But don’t be fooled. This is personal for Dan. That loss at Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 is a scar he will always carry.
Phillip Blauer: Dan told me that even if he loses, Syberus will remember this match for the rest of his career.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He said that in the promo everyone else saw.
Phillip Blauer: He would have told me eventually.
Greg Jin: “The following Steel Cage Match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He Is One Half of the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…Dan The Man…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
The San Francisco fans boo, and Dan Stein whacks the steel cage with his Peacemaker staff
Then the lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens. "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Chase Center erupts in a huge pop as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it Syberus emerges, his robe open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage with big Wayne Tanner Jr. walking out in a suit and cowboy hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus here in San Francisco for the first time since January of 2007 when he was at the old Cow Palace and successfully defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship over Lucifer Jones in January of 2007. In March of 2005, he was known as “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and teamed with AWS Man as The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a losing effort against The Cupcake Crew; Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira.
Phillip Blauer: I hope when I die, someone whispers in my ear what an AWS Man is.
Syberus takes a brief look around at the cheering crowd before heading down the ramp. Wayne Tanner Jr. shakes some hands at ringside while Syberus makes a beeline for the cage
Yolanda Ando: Syberus wears black trunks with gold laurel wreaths decorating the front and back. Five gold stars emblazon the rear also. He wears black knee pads and black boots, his boots depict Alexander and Darius respectively taken from the Alexander mosaic found in Pompeii. His wrists and palms are taped in white. To the ring, he wears a traditional full length wrestling robe, red with gold roses throughout..
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Syberus has said he was excited to see Dan Stein return to the West Coast. He said they’re not getting any younger, so this might be the last chance to beat each other up in a steel cage.
Once up the ring steps Syberus wipes his feet on the apron before stepping into the steel cage. He circles the ring for a second while Wayne Tanner Jr. presses the flesh with the ringside fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus says he’s going to pin Dan Stein and send a message to Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan that he’s coming back for his title.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by tonight’s sponsor, he is The CEO of Tanner’s Tires, Wayne Tanner Jr.; He hails from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 220 pounds; The only Five Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion In History…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”
Syberus hops up in one corner and raising his fists in the air. Greg Jin exits the ring, while Dan Stein gives Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. his leather jacket, sunglasses, and The Peacemaker
Steel Cage Match
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell as Dan Stein and Syberus circle one another nervously
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus and Dan Stein lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. The stronger Stein forces Syberus into the corner.
Tommy Milligan calls for a break. Dan Stein smugly smiles and obliges, backing off. The fans boo
Phillip Blauer: Dan showing that he has Syberus’ number whenever he wants it.
A cautious Syberus comes out of the corner. He circles the ring again, and then locks up with Dan Stein again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock. He locks his hands together and tightens up on the skull of Stein.
Dan Stein attempts to push Syberus off, but Syberus hangs on to the headlock, popping the crowd. Stein reaches up and grabs the long blonde hair of Syberus, and the audience boos
Syberus: Come on, Tommy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus calling attention to the hair pull there.
Phillip Blauer: Baby.
Tommy Milligan forces Stein to let go of Syberus’ hair.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock. He locks his hands together and tightens up on the skull of Stein. Dan Stein grabs his foot, and then lifts Syberus up into a shinbreaker atomic drop.
Syberus plants his feet and flips Stein into a side headlock takedown
Syberus: YEAH!
The San Francisco audience applauds while Syberus tries to press Stein’s shoulders to the mat. Dan Stein holds him off initially, but Syberus does a bridge to pin The Punisher
…ONE!
…Dan Stein rolls to his side!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Their 2007 match in Northern Ireland wasn’t their first encounter. Dan Stein had defeated Syberus in their first encounter 19 years ago in Ring Syndicate: Australia back in 2004. In April of 2005, Syberus evened the score when he beat Dan Stein in Albuquerque. Syberus rolls Dan Stein back to his shoulders again in that headlock.
…ONE!
…Dan Stein rolls him into a cradle!
…ONE!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus rolls Dan Stein over his shoulder into a snapmare. Stein rolls to his feet, and charges Syberus, but 110% Syberus catches him with a hip toss.
The fans cheer and Dan Stein kicks the bottom rope towards Wayne Tanner Jr. in frustration
Phillip Blauer: Steady, Dan. Steady. Be a Steely Dan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein does not look happy.
Phillip Blauer: Would you be? He has to keep Syberus from getting to Marty, that’s alot of pressure!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein runs at Syberus who catches him with an arm drag. Another one!
The audience applauds. Dan Stein shakes out his taped up elbow. He bows up when Syberus tries to lock up again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another collar and elbow and tie up. This time, Dan Stein shows off his raw power by tossing Syberus into corner!!
The cheers turn to jeers as a shaken Syberus seems a little unsure in the corner. Dan Stein does the downward muscle flex at Syberus and the boos get louder
Phillip Blauer: Dan is Grown Man Strong.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein runs in and rams his shoulder into Syberus’ stomach. He grabs the rope and rams his shoulder into Syberus’ abdomen again.
Dan Stein drives his shoulder into Syberus’ gut one more time knocking Syberus to the mat. Stein stomps Syberus in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein with another stomp! He sticks his foot into Syberus’ throat, and starts choking him by just stepping on his windpipe.
Tommy Milligan lays in the five count, while Dan Stein chokes him with his boot in the corner. Dan Stein pulls him out a few steps and then applies an abdominal stretch
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein plants his foot, and uses that seven inch height advantage to put maximum pressure on that abdominal stretch.
The Chase Center boos. Stein cranks back on Syberus’ arm, twisting his stomach muscles that he just hammered with his shoulder earlier. Tommy Milligan checks in but Syberus shakes his head, refusing to give up
Phillip Blauer: The Human Torture Chamber, Dan Stein!
Guillermo O’Bannon: In January 2007, again, at the Cow Palace, Dan Stein won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship for the second time in a threeway between Dougie Ray Bullet and “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in January 2007.
Phillip Blauer: I miss Dougie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: We all do. Dan Stein reaches back and grabs the ropes for leverage!
Phillip Blauer: It’s a steel cage match, lighten up.
The boos get loud as Stein holds on to the top rope for leverage, and pulls back on Syberus’ hooked arm. Tommy Milligan finally notices Dan Stein holding on to the ropes. He points at a caught red handed Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Busted!
Tommy Milligan punt kicks Dan Stein’s hand that’s holding the top rope, and Syberus flips him over into an ipponzei judo flip
Phillip Blauer: What is Tommy’s deal??
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus applies a crucifix armbar. He plants his feet into Stein’s head and armpit, and rows back on arm.
Stein cries out in pain, as Syberus pulls up on his injured arm. Tommy Milligan asks him, but Dan shakes his head. Wayne Tanner Jr. pounds on the mat. Syberus tries to get some air with his next whip on the crucifix armbar
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein now rolls to his feet with Syberus hanging onto that crucifix armbar. Dan now starts bending back Syberus’ fingers in a painful angle. Stein begins punching a prone Syberus with his free arm! Over and over, he whales on Syberus!
Dan Stein pulls Syberus up by the hair, and tosses him facefirst into the cage!! Syberus flops off the cage, and then rolls around the mat, clutching his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus is the first to taste the steel!
Phillip Blauer: The Ca…Ca…Ca…Cage…My H…H…H…Head!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s ok, Phil.
A close up of Syberus shows his hand covering his face, with blood leaking through his fingers. The San Francisco crowd boos
Phillip Blauer: That’s for Belfast in ‘07.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein easily lifts Syberus up into a suplex, and then jumps up, before crashing down with the vertical suplex!
Syberus sits up with blood running down his face. Dan Stein pulls him up into a bearhug and Syberus cries out in agony, from the strength of Stein’s waistlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein trying to squeeze the life out of Syberus. He readjusts and continues to constrict the breathing of the five time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.
Tommy Milligan checks Syberus’ arm, but he keeps it up. A bleeding Syberus punches Stein. A second punch loosens Dan’s bearhug
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus punches Stein between the eyes. He basement dropkicks Dan in the kneecaps!
The Chase Center cheers as Stein rolls around the mat, clutching his knee. He hobbles to his feet but Syberus catches him from behind with a russian leg sweep, using the momentum to roll on top of Dan Stein with his stomach over Stein’s face, restricting his breathing
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a front facelock. He clamps his hands together and leans back on Stein’s head and neck.
Syberus shakes his head, trying to shake the blood out of his eyes. He cranks back on the front facelock some more
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein stands up and reverses the front facelock into an alabama slam!!
The audience boos as a bleeding Syberus sits up and then falls back down. Dan Stein pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein with a tiltawhirl backbreaker!
Syberus flops around the mat in pain, but Stein pulls him right back up to his feet and shoots him into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein twirls around into a discus clothesline that flips Syberus head over heels!
The San Francisco fans boo. Dan Stein lifts Syberus by his blonde hair stained pink by the blood. He tries to ram Syberus’ head into the cage but he blocks it with his boot
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus smashes Stein’s face into the cage!!
The audience lets out a monster pop!! Syberus grabs Stein’s hair, and rams his head into the cage again. Blood starts running down Dan’s face
Phillip Blauer: Someone stop this! Dan’s got his camping model career to think of!
Guillermo O’Bannon: A bloody Syberus smashes Dan Stein’s head into the steel cage one more time!!
Dan Stein staggers around and Wayne Tanner Jr. is heard yelling “Hot Dang!” Syberus grabs him from behind and then tosses him through the top and second rope into the cage, facefirst. Stein’s head rocks back from the impact as the Bay Area fans applaud
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus rakes Dan Stein’s head back and forth across the chain link fence!! Just shredding Stein’s forehead across that steel cage!
Stein bleeds all down his face and chest. Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps onto Stein’s shoulders, smashing his face into the cage!! The Chase Center roars
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus puts his knees on Stein’s stomach, and then grinds his forearm across the laceration over Dan’s eye.
Syberus tries to get all of the blood out of it that he can by grinding that forearm into his cut. He then weaves Stein’s arm into his own with a ude garami keylock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pushes down on Dan Stein’s wrist, putting pressure on his elbow, trying to hyperextend the joint. Stein trying to bridge his way out of it, but Syberus still torquing his shoulder with the ude garami.
Dan Stein scoots over to the ropes and hooks the bottom rope. Tommy Miligan forces a pink haired Syberus to release the ude garami. Syberus slides his elbow pad down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with a Muscle Killer knee drop to Dan Stein’s bicep! Another one!
Dan Stein clutches his bicep, and kicks his toes into the mat in pain. Syberus pulls Dan Stein into the ropes and out to the apron by the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a russian leg sweep into the cage, but Dan Stein back elbows him hard, sandwiching him into the cage!!
The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wow.
Phillip Blauer: Hoochie Mama.
Syberus is crumpled into a heap, clutching the back of his neck. Tommy Millgan checks in to see if Syberus wants to continue
Guillermo O’Bannon: That was a tremendous impact on the back of Syberus’ neck.
Phillip Blauer: I felt that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein undeterred, and pulls Syberus up to his feet, then military presses him up into the air!
The Chase Center boos, and a bleeding Stein walks around, effortlessly, with Syberus pressed over his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein lawn darts Syberus’ head into the cage!!
The fans let out another loud “OH!!” and Syberus bounces back into the ring. Syberus clutches the top of his head, as his legs flop on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein pulls a bloody Syberus up and rolls him around into a rude awakening!
A blood drenched Syberus sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Dan Stein lies on the mat, next to him, trying to catch his breath
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein gut wrenches Syberus up onto his shoulders and drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!! Syberus looks to have injured his neck, and Dan Stein is zeroing in on that.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Phillip Blauer: That night in Belfast 15 years ago in 2007 is all coming flooding back to him right now.
The Chase Center rocks with boos as a tired Dan Stein gets to his feet, and then pulls Syberus up into a crotch-tie position. He looks at the camera and smiles as the jeering gets louder. Stein pulls him up by his crotch-tied arm into a pumphandle sit-out slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Reckoning!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The fans boo as Stein collapses to his side and “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays. Syberus holds the back of his neck and kicks his feet into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein evens the score from Irish Rage in Belfast 2007!
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 24 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
A blood drenched Dan Stein raises his arm up in victory as Tommy Milligan holds it up for him. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. enters the ring to check on Syberus
Guillermo O’Bannon: The powerful bull Dan Stein sandwiched him into that cage and it was all downhill from there.
Phillip Blauer: Dan Stein has vanquished his greatest rival! Larry! Some champagne?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Uh, I’m in recovery, boss. I’m trying to get my visitation rights back and…
Phillip Blauer: I meant for me, obviously.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Right. Gotcha!
Dan Stein walks through the cage door with his arms in the air. Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. hands him his Hardkore World Tag Team title belt, and Stein slings it over his shoulder. He starts walking back to the dressing room with Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. shielding him from the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Back in the ring, Syberus is now sitting up, which is good news.
David Valentine Jr. asks Syberus questions, then a concerned Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask enter the cage to help
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans we need to go to break. We’ll be right back with the Hardkore West Coast Championship between Eron Hunter and Kilroy Evans. Don’t go away!
Fade back up on Guillermo and Phil
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is one of the most anticipated Hardkore West Coast title matches in recent memory. Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against former Hardkore West Coast Champion Kilroy Evans.
Phillip Blauer: Now you know me, Garrison. I’m not a fan of either of these men. Especially the Oklahoman…
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s Kalmin Watts, this is Kilroy Evans.
Phillip Blauer: Oh.
Phil uncaps a sharpie and starts drawing lines through his prepared statement
"Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays and Kilroy walks out to a monster pop from the San Francisco fans. He walks to the ring at a relaxed pace, and takes a moment to hug a lady in the aisle wearing his old Miracle Violence Combination II t-shirt
Phillip Blauer: Oh, this guy? The guy who thinks it’s funny to steal intellectual property and let his girlfriend the donkey wear it? They might not have laws about that where he comes from, but in California, we treat our asses differently.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans was the longest reigning Hardkore West Coast Champion, for a record 17 months and 10 days. From August 27th, 2008 when he won it in from Poke the Clown in a thumbtacks match in LA to February 6th, in 2010 when he lost it to James Fierce in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He now looks to regain the title that he really made his own for over a year and a half, defending against all comers in some of the most violent matches in Hardkore World history, always coming out victorious. Eron Hunter watched those matches as a child and teen, and now puts that very title on the line against the legend.
Kilroy Evans slaps the fans hands on the way to the ring. He points to a sign that has Kilroy Evans dressed as Honkytonk Man that says “The Greatest Hardkore West Coast Champion Of All Time”. He notices Yolanda Ando.
Kilroy Evans: Hey, Yolanda! It’s great to see you back!
Yolanda Ando: It’s great to see you too, Kilroy! Guys? He’s wearing a black Penfold from Danger Mouse t-shirt with sneakers and jeans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Kilroy is fresh off of losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane in Las Vegas, but is trying to shake that off to try to win his old Hardkore West Coast Championship belt. He says he has been anticipating this match as the fan in him has always wanted to see this match since he first laid eyes on Eron Hunter when he wrestled as Lynx.
Phillip Blauer: Hold up. That’s Lynx??
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ve been over this, Phil.
Kilroy Evans waves at Phil, but Phil just gives him the finger.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil!
Kilroy chuckles and enters the ring.
Phillip Blauer: I asked him a question and the guy ran out of there quicker than Moondog Dook on a family court date.
He checks to see how Greg Jin and Kelly O’Connell have been and then starts to look to the entrance area, pacing slowly and purposefully.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, the challenger; Hailing from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds; He is The Attbury Assassin…KILROY EVANS!!!”
The crowd nearly blows the roof of The Chase Center as Kilroy Evans continues to walk back and forth, waiting for Eron Hunter
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the San Francisco fans cheer loudl. Eron Hunter steps through the curtain with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship slung over the right arm and the Hardkore West Coast Championship strapped around his waist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Unlike his previous battles with The Sheik and Marty Donovan, Eron Hunter holds no ill will against Kilroy Evans. He grew up watching Kilroy and his tag team partner Andrew Karnage, dominate the tag team division as the Miracle Violence Combination II.
Phillip Blauer: And then that little boy grew up to be a smoker. So sad. You hate to see it, Garcelle.
Eron Hunter slaps the hands of his biggest fans as he walks down the aisle, locking eyes with Kilroy Evans, already in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’ve wrestled in the finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team tournament at Irish Rage in Belfast 2022 but that was the night that Ruben Bowman turned on Eron Hunter and fed him to The Society of the New Breed. Tonight it’s one on one.
Eron Hunter gets up on the second rope and holds up his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and his Hardkore West Coast Championship in his arms as he soaks in the roar of the San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter says they’re going to bring out the best in one another tonight, but when it’s all said and done, he will be the one standing victorious over his childhood idol.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Huge ovation for the champion as he hands his belt to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr.
Hardkore West Coast Championship Match
Kelly O’Connell calls for the bell as the match gets underway.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men are quick to come from their corner and circle one another looking for the ideal time to engage. The champion takes the initiative and locks up with Kilroy.
The two men jostle for position, Hunter’s leg moving backwards to try and guard against the power of his opponent.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy doesn’t get the memo and starts to push Eron back towards the ropes. Hunter drops down and manages to hook a waistlock before he’s pushed against the ropes.
A waistlock takedown attempt is blocked by the veteran, Hunter adjusts and hooks a leg around one of Evans and rolls forward. Eron Hunter pops up and lifts up the leg of his opponent before slamming it into the canvas.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter grabs a side headlock before the South Carolinian can react but its effects are only temporary before Kilroy rolls him over.
…ONE!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing his own power, Hunter uses his foot to get back to the side headlock. Hard to believe but this is Kilroy Evans first singles match in San Francisco. The last time he was here was in 2009. He was Hardkore West Coast Champion then, teaming with Poke the Clown in Why So Serious? in an unsuccessful attempt to win the Hardkore America Tag Team Titles from Legacy and Requiem, The Highlights of Humanity. In 2006, he teamed with Marty Donovan as The Mischief Express to beat Rated X and his son Kyle X in a match to determine the number one contender to the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions. In 2005, he defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with Andrew Karnage as the legendary Miracle Violence Combination II against Rally Jackson & Big Bad Bill.
Kilroy is quick to get to a knee and uses a burst of strength to get back to a vertical base. He leans into the ropes and pushes Hunter off
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drop down by Evans, Hunter comes off the ropes and looks for a spinning heel kick but it’s ducked by the veteran leaving the Sicilian to roll to his feet.
Eron Hunter charges back in and Evans throws a kick but it’s caught, and Hunter dragon screw legwhips him to the ground
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing great ring awareness, Eron keeps hold of the leg and spins around it. He lifts up the other leg and crosses it over. Hunter places a knee onto the knee of Evans but Kilroy cuts him off with an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans gets to his feet and charges like a Pamplona native, taking Hunter out with a huge clothesline!
Evans grabs the Hunter by the hair and pulls him to his feet. He irish whips him into the corner and follows him in with a huge boot to the head of Hunter!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy with a running bulldog from the corner that takes him down!
Eron rolls to the ropes to get some breathing space between him and his challenger but Kilroy remains on him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Clubbing forearms to the lower back of the champion by Kilroy Evans.
Kelly O’Connell immediately steps between the two men and asks Evans to take a step back which the veteran does so without question.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Evans pulls Hunter from the ropes with a huge german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up
Kilroy once more lifts Eron to his feet with his hair and this time he throws an arm over his shoulder. He lifts him up for a suplex, Hunter fights the move and Evans has no choice but to set him down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter fires an uppercut to gain control and this time he looks to lift Evans but Kilroy firmly plants his foot between those of Hunter. The dirty boxing is returned by Kilroy who grabs a hold of the arm and lifts him up. Eron drops down the back and hits an inverted DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pops up, hops to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy gets to his feet but is met by a dropkick by Eron that sends him reeling back. The Hardkore West Coast Champion rushes forward and sends Evans into the corner with a european uppercut.
Eron Hunter rushes in and connects with a high leg lariat and swings his legs over the top rope to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: With Kilroy Evans dropped to the mat, Eron slingshots over into a front dropkick!
The San Francisco crowd pops for their West Coast Champion’s show of agility.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pulls the two-time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion from the corner, and hooks a leg as O’Connell drops to the mat to make the count.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
The Chase Center gets a duelling chant going of “LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER!”
Phillip Blauer: What a surprise, a San Francisco crowd can’t make up their mind as to who they like.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron picks up Kilroy and throws an arm over his shoulder. He hooks the leg and lifts him up into a fisherman’s buster!
Hunter keeps a bridge and O’Connell drops down once more
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter rolls through with the leg still in his control and turns him over into a single leg boston crab!
Kelly O’Connell checks in but Kilroy Evans shakes his head. Hunter sits back on Kilroy’s leg, trying to hyperextend the knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing his years of experience, Kilroy pushes himself up and crawls on his hands quickly towards the ropes. Wise to the trick, Eron is equally swift in addressing his escapee problem. He stands up and drags his opponent back into the ring by the leg and promptly sits down in the boston crab position.
Kelly O’Connell is on the mat and asking Evans if he wants to give it up but the veteran shakes his head and continues to fight the hold. He pushes up once more but Eron adjusts the position before Kilroy can make it but a yard towards the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Inching closer towards safety, Kilroy digs his nails near into the mat as he pulls himself towards the ropes.
Phillip Blauer: Speaking of which, he needs to clean those nails. I’m sure there’s four different kinds of fast food cheese residue under those.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter is resting all his weight on Kilroy Evans’ lower back to try to counter the progress being made.
Kelly O’Connell is once more asking if Evans wants to throw in the towel on the match. With a defiant shake of the head the Society of the New Breed member lets O’Connell know not to ask again for a while
Phillip Blauer: Sexist. He wouldn’t say that to a male ref. Well, maybe Richie Richardson.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The ropes are now within touching distance, Kilroy reaches out to try to grab one but his fingers only graze against the ropes.
The crowd, still split, have nearly hit fever pitch as they cheer for their favorite. The cameras capture the look of intensity on Evans’ face, he continues to try and make up that vital inch between a potential loss and safety.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter turns his head to quickly check how close his opponent is and that’s all that’s needed. The hold slightly slacker, Kilroy lets out a roar as he lifts and pushes himself to the ropes!
Hunter breaks the hold and tries to remain on the offensive but Kilroy bundles him through the ropes to the apron.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron tries to get to his feet before Kilroy Evans can take advantage, but he’s too slow and a clubbing forearm rains down onto the top of his back. Kilroy hooks his arm and lifts him up in a suplex and stalls before dropping him on his head with a brainbuster!
The San Francisco fans are silenced by the move, Evans looks for the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Kilroy doesn’t even look to O’Connell for justification if he thought the count was slow. He knows.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Evans brings Eron’s head between his legs and grabs the waistband of his opponent up into a pulling piledriver, drilling his head into the mat!!
The crowd roars. Stalking Hunter, Evans waits patiently for the West Coast Champion to get to his feet. He hooks a ¾ facelock, looking for the Bad Touch but Hunter escapes into a tiger ‘85 suplex planting Kilroy on his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Looking over his shoulder, Eron measures his target. He leaps to the second turnbuckle, then to the top, then flips into a moonsault but Evans gets his knees up!!
Whilst Eron holds his ribs, Kilroy has now gotten back to his feet and once more he waits.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter uses the ropes to get to his feet leaving Kilroy unsighted. Hunter grabs the top rope and leans over it to grab a rope break to get more oxygen back into his body. Kilroy pulls him from the ropes and applies his Watch Out For Snakes cobra clutch!!
The fans jump to their feet as Eron instinctively struggles for the ropes but Kilroy has it locked in with experience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans bites the shoulder of Hunter’s outstretched arm to stop it from reaching out for the ropes!
Phillip Blauer: Now his shoulder has gingivitis!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans now in control, he drags Eron into the center of the ring. Hunter still reaches out with his hand, looking for an escape. The knee drops for Eron Hunter!
Kelly O’Connell is right there on hand to ask Eron if he wants to quit. The Sicilian waves her away as he continues to fight the hold. His outstretched arm nowhere near the ropes, Eron changes tact as he realizes the severity of his predicament.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron tries to bend down to grab a leg but the heavier Evans bears his weight down onto Hunter. Using his in-ring wiles, Kilroy pushes his boot against the back of Eron’s knee, taking him further down towards the mat.
O’Connell is already asking Hunter once more if he’d like to quit but Eron remains firm in his stance. Evans now leans over his opponent, making him carry his weight as he battles the Cobra Clutch. The Chase Center chants “LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell lifts Hunter’s arm and drops it…but he clenches his fist to keep it from dropping all the way!
With a guttural roar, Eron starts to make his way back to a vertical base. He powers up to a knee as the San Francisco crowd cheers in approval.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Trying to make the extra forty pounds of weight do the hard work, Evans makes him carry the weight but Hunter pushes up and gets closer to the ropes. He reaches out and his fingertips cause the top rope to visually move but he can’t close his fingers around it. Evans tries to turn him away from the ropes but Eron thinks quickly and kicks off from the turnbuckle backwards into a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Kilroy Evans escapes the pin!
The noise inside the Chase Center hits a crescendo as both men get to their feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans throws a punch but Eron ducks it and counters with a huge saito suplex!
Eron Hunter climbs between the ropes and raises an arm to the fans. Kilroy Evans gets to his feet, and Eron Hunter hits him between the eyes with a springboard high knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not content with going for the cover, Eron Hunter pulls Evans to his feet and hooks a front facelock. Hunter swings round to push off the top rope, but Kilroy catches him before he plants the satellite DDT and deadlift northern lights suplexes him with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron gets to his feet but Evans hooks his arms, and then batters him in the face with headbutts, rocking him.
Kilroy smells blood as he releases Hunter, who staggers back. He wraps a waistlock around Eron, but Eron escapes round the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter with the snap dragon suplex!
Once more, the Sicilian climbs through the ropes and this time he lets the crowd know that it’s the big one
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter leaps but Kilroy rolls out of the way of the springboard lariat! Hunter rolls through straight into the Watch Out For Snakes in the center of the ring!!
The crowd leaps to their feet! Evans bites down hard on the shoulder as he pushes his weight down onto Hunter
Phillip Blauer: At least bite a different shoulder! Even it out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron fights to stay on his feet but he finds himself on the losing side of the equation as he battles. Kelly O’Connell checks on him as his legs start to buckle.
Kilroy bites the shoulder once more and Hunter’s knee gives way. A “DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T GIVE UP!” chant starts and Hunter continues to fight but he’s not resisting as hard as he wants to/ The cameras show a triumphant looking Kilroy.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watch Out For Snakes is locked in! Kilroy pulls back on Hunter’s wrist, putting pressure on the back of his neck. He takes it further as he tightens the grip around Hunter’s neck.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Hunter uses his planted foot to try to leap towards the ropes and makes some progress. The crowd is pleading for Hunter to grab the top rope but it remains out of reach, taunting him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron manages to steal a march to the ropes and staggers to the ropes, still in the hold. Kilroy Evans places himself between Hunter and the ropes!
Half of the Chase Center is deafened as Kilroy once more leans forward. He cranks the Cobra Clutch tighter still.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell lifts Eron Hunter’s arm and it drops! She’s seen enough and calls for the bell!!
The crowd roars as the bell rings and Kilroy Evans releases Watch Out For Snakes and celebrates! "Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays as Kelly O’Connell hands Kilroy Evans his Hardkore West Coast Championship back
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 38 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…KILROY EVANS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s done it! He’s won back the Hardkore West Coast Championship that he held for 17 months!
Phillip Blauer: If he holds it for that long again I’m gonna see if I can be a dipstick man at Reedy Creek Racing.
Kilroy Evans straps the Hardkore West Coast title around his waist and jumps up to the second turnbuckle. The crowd chants “KILROY! KILROY! KILROY!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two put on an excellent wrestling match, and it could have gone either way, but Kilroy was able to get that Watch Out For Snakes applied at just the right time, and put the lights out for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion.
Eron Hunter is waiting for him when Kilroy descends the turnbuckles with his arm out stretched. Kilroy shakes it and the audience roars. Kilroy raises Hunter’s arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a class act! Fans, don’t go away we have the Hardkore World Heavyweight title match coming right up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our main event of the evening. At Hardkore Helloween 2022, “High Roller” Wesley Crane lasted over an hour of barbed wire brutality to win that Cup, cement his place in history, and get a shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. One problem. The Champion is his stablemate in The Anointed.
Phillip Blauer: Look, The Beatles had squabbles like this and made some of their best music in that time. In this scenario, I’m obviously Davy Jones.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has been pretty loose with In The Face’s around Marty lately, and tonight we see how big an accident they have been. Can The Anointed stay a house undivided with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line?
"I'm So Paid" by Akon plays and The Chase Center lights turn plum purple
Phillip Blauer: Yes?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It was rhetorical, Phil
The house lights begin pulsing with the beat of “I’m So Paid”.
“Rubbing on that Italian leather
'Dem Konvict jeans on!
Ay yo Weezy! You Ready, yeah!
I get it in 'till sunrise
Doing ninety in a sixty five
Windows rolled down screaming ah!
Hey-ey-ey' I'm so paid
Number one hustla' gettin' money
Why do you wanna count my money
I'm a hustla' and I don't need them!
One of them y'all see! I'm so paid”
The lights go back to normal and out steps “The High Roller” Wesley Crane with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship wrapped around his waist to a mixed reaction from the San Francisco fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has to figure out real quick whether Marty Donovan is looking out for him, or looking to manipulate him.
Phillip Blauer: Pish posh. Marty is an excellent mentor. Wes losing tonight will do wonders for his training.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I see you’re firmly in the camp of Marty.
Phillip Blauer: There’s no camps. This is an in-house competition within The Anointed. And if there were camps, I would go with the one that got me a three season deal on Costa Pacifica and not the guy that told me to bet the Vikings over the Giants on Wild Card weekend.
“High Roller” Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone fans hold up signs with that have The Anointed’s logo but it says The Disjointed, and one that says “Marty Can’t Bluff A High Roller”. He lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane says he doesn’t care about their friendship from the opening bell to the closing one. It appears some of Marty’s promo got to him.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t go causing dissension, Billy Bush. All of that promo was in good, healthy, clean fun.
Wesley Crane slowly makes his way to the ring, the entire time looking around at the fans, some of whom are cheering him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is in the main event of The Battle of Los Angeles, in a match for the Wrestle: UK Commonwealth Championship against champion Billy Fowler. That match should be a good one.
Phillip Blauer: The Anointed have a chance to be champions of both participants of the winning side of the French and Indian War. How about that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: But tonight he has a chance to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, a title that goes back to 1989.
Once ringside Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring. Once inside he stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley says he’s the real deal, while Marty Donovan is the fake. Marty complains about things, while Crane just does them. The idea that Marty insinuated they should change his finisher’s name to the Dis-Knee Junior seemed to really get into his craw.
Phillip Blauer: I thought that too. But then again, I’m very intuitive when it comes to craws.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has done everything he can to delay this match, but here Crane is, standing in front of him, challenging for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
“When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays and after a few moments, “The Punisher” Dan Sten walks out with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship strapped around his waist and some medical gauze taped to his forehead. He looks around and makes sure it’s safe before waving Marty Donovan out dressed as Ant Man with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship strapped around his waist. Donovan seems to walk with a small limp
Phillip Blauer: Disney would like to remind you that “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania” is premiering February 17th.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan still feeling the effects of having his knee slammed in a door at XHF Supremacy in Denver, Colorado in a Denny’s Parking Lot Brawl with Bloodied Fox where he was victorious.
Phillip Blauer: Like any true champion, he’s playing hurt. Gutting it out. Look at him, what a triumph of the human spirit.
Marty Donovan ignores the booing fans as they press middle fingers into his face and toss soda cups at him. A fan gets on camera holding an “I’m A Smarty” sign. Dan Stein admonishes Hardkore Security Larry Valentine for his lax protection
Phillip Blauer: Larry’s going to take that pretty hard. Dan is like a father figure to him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan has a match at The Battle of Los Angeles with Wrestle: UK’s Spike Kane in another Reedy Creek Rules match, like the one he had with Natalie Burrows at Palm Springs Punishment 2022. But tonight he puts his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line against his protege, Wesley Crane.
Dan Stein steps through the ropes, and backs off Tommy Milligan and Greg Jin. Wesley Crane watches from his corner. Marty Donovan gets into the ring, and puts his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on his shoulder. He steps up to the second turnbuckle and soaks in the boos of the San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan has tried to discredit Wesley Crane’s 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup win, saying he won it during a year where it wasn’t so much of a tournament.
Phillip Blauer: And he gave Wesley plenty of opportunity to reschedule this match. You can lead a horse to water…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has tried everything he can to avoid this match, and none of it has worked. He is in the ring with Wesley Crane!
The bell rings and a spotlight hits Greg Jin in the center of the ring
Greg Jin: “The following match is our Main Event of the evening! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, the challenger. He is from Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 pounds; He is One Half of the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…“THE HIGH ROLLER” WESLEY CRANE!!!”
He gets some cheers and boos. “The Punisher” Dan Stein pats Marty on the shoulder in anticipation for his introduction
Greg Jin: “His opponent is accompanied to the ring by “The Punisher” Dan Stein; He hails from The Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 218 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!!”
The Chase Center rocks with boos as Marty raises his arms
Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Match
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and the two circle one another and then pause. Marty puts his hand out for Wesley to shake. The fans buzz with anticipation
Phillip Blauer: Here we go, these two looking to have a good, clean, fair match. You’re not gonna see anywhere else!
Wesley Crane looks unsure but shakes Marty’s hand and nothing happens. Marty makes a magnanimous bow and the crowd boos
Phillip Blauer: These people despise sportsmanship!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think that’s true. Marty goes to lock up, but Wesley is waiting for him with a punch to the nose!
Phillip Blauer: Hey!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane lighting up the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion with lefts and rights, and Marty doesn’t know what to do!
Phillip Blauer: Get out of there, Marty!
Marty falls through the second and top rope to the floor, and then smacks the apron in frustration. He limps back and forth in frustration. “The Punisher” Dan Stein comes over to help Marty collect his thoughts while Crane motions for him to get into the ring and fight
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is not the scientific encounter Marty was expecting.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, no one told us!
Dan Stein whispers something into Marty’s ear, and Donovan nods then tries to get back into the ring
Marty Donovan: Get him back, Tommy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan enters the ring cautiously and puts up his dukes. Wesley Crane pops him with a jab, and Marty tries to counter with a kick, but Crane catches his leg. Donovan swings around with an enzuigiri!
The fans boo as Marty is on his hands and knees with a big smile on his face
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man always ready with the good advice!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips Crane into the ropes and takes him out with a slingblade!
Donovan irish whips Crane into the turnbuckles and follows him in half a step behind with a corner dropkick! The audience lets out a collective “OH!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan sweeps his leg out, so that Crane falls to the mat in the corner. He steps out onto the apron, and then slingshots himself over the ropes into a basement dropkick!
The crowd boos and Marty pulls Crane out of the corner, but Wesley drops to his knees into a jawbreaker, shooting the top of his head through Wesley’s chin. Donovan twirls around the ring in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane lifts Marty Donovan up for a suplex, but then drops him straight down into a brainbuster!
Wesley Crane holds on to the ropes and then stomps Donovan a few times. He pulls Marty up and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan comes back with a rolling wheel kick! He grabs Crane’s leg and drops down into a leg scissors cross kneelock.
Donovan rows back on Crane’s trapped leg, putting pressure on the kneecap. Tommy Milligan checks in to make sure Crane doesn’t want to give up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty arches his back on the leg scissors, trying to hyperextend his knee. The last time Marty was here in San Francisco was at the old Cow Palace in January of 2009, when he won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship from “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in a steel cage match with a little help from Syberus and Rally Jackson. Two years earlier, in January of 2007, Marty teamed with Kilroy Evans as The Mischief Express to beat Rated X and his son, Kyle X and become number one contenders to the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Kyle X was too gentle a boy for this business.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is finally able to reach over and grab the bottom rope.
Tommy Milligan lays in the count and Marty reluctantly releases the leg scissors cross knee lock. He stomps him one last time for good measure, and then limps a little more, trying to work out his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: That wasn’t very stablematey.
Phillip Blauer: Tensions run high in the squared circle, Gina. You wouldn’t know anything about that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You were in two house show matches and The Dutch Express nearly killed you.
Phillip Blauer: Banned from the sport they should be! Banned!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan hammerlocks his arm, crossfaces his neck and lifts him up by the wrist, and then down onto his elbow with a gloria!!
…ONE!
…Wesley Crane gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips him but Crane reverses it and shoots Marty into the turnbuckles chest first! Donovan back pedals out and isn’t ready for a running european uppercut from the High Roller!
The Chase Center cheers! Wesley Crane pulls him up quickly and irish whips him back into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane running knees Donovan in the stomach! He climbs up to the second turnbuckle and starts raining punches down on Marty!
The audience counts along as Donovan’s head bounces with each blow. Wesley Crane gets to nine, and then hesitates. He smiles at the camera, and cocks his fist back real far
Phillip Blauer: No! Wesley, don’t do it!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan grabs Crane’s legs and walks him out to the center of the ring with an inverted atomic drop. He grabs Wesley in a front facelock and twists him into a corkscrew neckbreaker.
Marty Donovan converts it immediately into a pluma blanca armbar headscissors. Wesley Crane stomps his heels into the mat in pain, trying to escape. Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to submit, but Crane shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan clamps down on Crane’s head with his legs, while trying to pull his arm out of it’s socket.
“The Punisher” Dan Stein applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ah-ah-choo!
Phillip Blauer: What was that? Was that a little kitten sneeze?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hmm? No. It was a regular man’s sneeze.
Phillip Blauer: That was no man’s sneeze. That was the sneeze you get when a flower petal lands on your nose when you’re dozing in a meadow with the other kittens.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Can we not make a big deal out of it? Wesley Crane rolls over and is able to hook his feet around the bottom rope, and Tommy Milligan makes Marty release the pluma blanca.
Marty Donovan pulls him up into a front facelock, but Wesley Crane plants his feet and lifts him onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane runs Marty Donovan into the center of the ring with a death valley driver!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane hits the ropes and takes out Marty with double knees to the face!
Wesley Crane pulls him up into another suplex, and then drops him into a brainbuster! He rolls his hips and pulls him up into another brainbuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pulls Marty up into a third brainbuster, but Marty floats over onto his feet behind him, then grabs him with a reverse hurricanrana!!
Phillip Blauer: These two have each other so well scouted, they have teamed together and know one another backwards and sidewards.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan lifts him up into a fireman’s carry and then drops his neck across his knee in an ushiGoroshi!!
The San Francisco fans boo. Crane sits up, holding the back of his neck and Marty pushes him back down and makes the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Wesley Crane kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan double underhooks Crane’s arms and applies Syberus’ Butterfly Lock, that he calls…
Phillip Blauer: The Blue Moon! What in the devil is a Butterfly Lock? Doesn’t even make any sense.
Guillermo O’Bannon: After the pluma blanca, Marty continues to wear down Crane’s shoulder. Donovan locks his hands together and leans back…
Phillip Blauer: Butterflies don’t even have arms!
Tommy Milligan checks in but Wesley Crane refuses to give up. Marty leans down, trying to put pressure on Crane’s neck and back as well
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane powers his way back up to his feet and back body drops Donovan over his shoulder. Crane lays Donovan out with a big right hand!
The fans cheer as Crane shakes some feeling back into his left arm. Donovan pulls himself up by the ropes and Crane’s eyes get big
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane comes in hot but Donovan pulls the top rope down and Crane goes over and falls awkwardly on the Chase Center floor!!
Phillip Blauer: That was an accident. Someone should be checking on Marty. Get in there, Tommy!
Marty says something to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and then limps out to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsalt reverse DDT on the floor!! Reedy Creek Racing!
The audience jeers while Dan Stein cheers at ringside. Both men lie out near the aisleway, trying to catch their breath
Phillip Blauer: His racing team Reedy Creek Racing recently won The Athletic Cup in CAR Auto Racing. Everything he touches is gold!
Dan Stein helps Donovan to his feet. The Chase Center starts chanting “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” Dan Stein covers Marty’s ear as he looks on in a mix of panic and confusion
Phillip Blauer: We need these people documented by Disney legal. They need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and possibly farther.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donvan climbs back into the ring. He hits the ropes and then jumps onto the middle of the top rope. Marty jumps off with a springboard tornado DDT but Wesley Crane reverses it into a spinebuster on the concrete!! You could hear the thickening splat from here!
The audience leaps to their feet! Wesley Crane lies next to Donovan, unable to capitalize
Phillip Blauer: I hope Dan The Man knows when to step in here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He better not. Wesley Crane rolls Donovan up onto to the apron and gets up there with him. Crane grabs him around the neck and flips Donovan off the apron to the floor with an exploder suplex!!
The crowd pops and Donovan sits up, screaming in pain. Marty uses the railing to pull himself up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan turns around into a spear by Wesley Crane, sandwiching him into the guardrail!!
The fans let out a huge “OH!!” at the sound of Donovan hitting the steel. Donovan slumps against the security barrier
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane superkicks Marty Donovan over the railing into the front row!!
The audience roars as Donovan is laid out in the laps of two female fans. Wesley Crane steps over the railing into the crowd
Phillip Blauer: Those two ladies better respect Marty’s body autonomy. He is still a human being, people have to respect that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane grabs Donovan’s head in a front facelock and stands up on the seat of one of the front row chairs. Crane jumps off with a tornado DDT out in the crowd!!
Marty Donovan tries to crawl away from Wesley Crane on his hands and knees, through the beer cups and nachos remnants. Crane grabs him by the back of his trunks and Donovan’s eyes bug out with fear
Phillip Blauer: Marty needs a time out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane pulls him up and smashes him with a few hard right hands, and then cracks him with a haymaker that knocks him over the railing back into the ringside area!
Wesley Crane jumps over the railing and goes under the apron. He pulls out a table and the audience lets out a thunderous roar
Phillip Blauer: No, no, no. Wes, this isn’t what teammates do!
Crane rolls Donovan onto the table, and climbs up to the apron. Wesley Crane climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane with a flying elbow off the top turnbuckle through the table on the floor!!
Huge pop from the San Francisco fans as Wesley Crane lies on top of Marty Donovan in that former table
Phillip Blauer: Well, he’s made his decision. That blasted title is worth more to him than The Anointed!
Wesley Crane struggles to get to his feet, while Dan Stein tries to wake Marty up. Crane finally gets to his feet and pulls Marty away from Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane rolls him into the ring and applies a dragon sleeper! He locks his hands together and leans back, bending Donovan’s head and neck backwards at a very painful angle.
Tommy Milligan checks in to see if he wants to tap out but gets no answer from Marty
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Phillip Blauer: Marty might be out. He’s a gentleman combatant and doesn’t train with tables and such barbary.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan tests Marty’s arm but he keeps it up! Wesley Crane pulls him up into a standing version of the dragon sleeper. He pulls him up into an inverted suplex, but Marty lands behind him in an inverted facelock of his own! Donovan lifts him up into a reverse suplex and then drops him on his knee!!
The crowd boos. Wesley Crane sits up in pain, and then Marty comes off the ropes with a basement dropkick to the back of his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan irish whips Crane into the ropes and catches him with a frankenstiener!!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein applauds as Marty Donovan limps up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan flips off the top turnbuckle with the Ode to Romero 450 splash but Wesley Crane puts his knees up!!
The Chase Center erupts! Marty holds his stomach, while Dan Stein pounds on the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane butterflies Marty’s arms and drills his head into the mat with a double underhook DDT!
Crane motions for Marty to get up, as Donovan tries to find the strength to. When he finally does, Crane drops him with a diamond cutter
Guillermo O’Bannon: The HRKO!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan gets his foot on the bottom rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane shoots Donovan into the ropes, and comes at him with the In The Face v-trigger but Marty spins out of it, hits the opposite ropes, and Wesley Crane turns around into the Dis-Knee v-trigger!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The air goes out of The Chase Center as Marty Donovan rolls off of Wesley Crane with his arm weakly raised in the air. “When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays but is drowned out by the boos
Greg Jin: “At 23 minutes 11 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…’DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!!”
Phillip Blauer: If there was any question about the dominance of The Anointed, someone should take a look at this match and watch the exhibition of athletic excellence that they just put on here tonight.
Guillermo O’Bannon: True, but what is left of The Anointed after these two, and three, if you count Dan…
Phillip Blauer: You always have to count Dan The Man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: …have been in a tense situation brought on by Wesley Crane winning the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup.
“The Punisher” Dan Stein helps Marty to his feet as he holds the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship high over his head. Wesley Crane is sitting in the corner, contemplating his next move
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan standing triumphant and…Wesley Crane is now back to his feet and staring at Marty!
The fans start cheering as Marty’s eyes bug out of his head. Wesley Crane walks right up to Marty and small chants of “WESLEY!! WESLEY!! WESLEY!!” start all over The Chase Center
Phillip Blauer: Don’t do it, Wes! Think of our group dynamic!
Wesley Crane hugs a shocked Marty Donovan and the Chase Center rocks with boos. A relieved Marty Donovan hugs him back, and Dan Stein brings it in for a group hug
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, you’re kidding me!
Phillip Blauer: The Anointed survives the biggest threat to their existance!
The fans chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” as The Anointed continue to hug in the center of the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, fans you have to join us in Portland as we return to the Pacific Northwest for the first time since 2012! See you there!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans and welcome to the Bay, we’re here in San Francisco for another night of Hardkore World action. I am Guillermo O’Bannon and with me is color commentator Phil Blauer.
Phillip Blauer: That’s Phillip, you swine. You know, I just took a tour of Alcatraz, and did you know that while the waters are shark infested, most of the species don’t bother humans? Al Capone could have been gotten out of there by the following Tuesday. And what is with all the one way streets out here? After a couple of re-routes on my car’s navigation, I was hoping for another fire out here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: At Hardkore Helloween 2022 in Boston, Massachusetts. Wesley Crane lasted an hour and four minutes, eliminating Syberus and The Sheik in a barbed wire match to win the Hardkore Helloween Cup and earn a title shot against Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: It was a worst case scenario but Marty and Wes have handled it like two professionals that accidentally knee each other in the face from time to time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s right, Wesley Crane has “accidentally” kneed Marty Donovan in the face in Wrestle: UK, Las Vegas, and Reno. After a while, it stops seeming so coincidental.
Phillip Blauer: Oh, Gomer. Sweet paranoid Gomer. When you combine two men with such cat-like reflexes, knees to the face are going to happen.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has won the Hardkore Helloween Cup, the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with “The Punisher” Dan Stein, and now looks to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from his own stablemate Disney’s Marty Donovan.
Phillip Blauer: It’s a scientific exhibition.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Also tonight the Hardkore West Coast Championship is on the line as Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against former Hardkore West Coast Champion Kilroy Evans. XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Eron Hunter is fresh off of a win over Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: And Kilroy is fresh off of losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles but gaining a donkey that is surviving off of nepotism.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, Eron Hunter tries to stave off the challenge of the battle tested veteran, while Kilroy Evans tries to win his first singles title since 2012.
Phillip Blauer: Good golly, Miss Molly, the man hasn’t won a title since Gangnam Style?
Guillermo O’Bannon: He was retired for most of that time, you know that. Then we have the big cage rematch from Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 when Syberus defeated “The Punisher” Dan Stein for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship in a match.
Phillip Blauer: Some hard feelings from that one. A Lot of interference on both sides, a real Hardkore Original. And by that I mean, overbooked.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus has wanted to dance with Dan again ever since he cost Kilroy Evans his Hardkore World title match at Hardkore Helloween 2022.
Phillip Blauer: Not to be confused with Dancing with Dan, which was my idea for a ballroom dancing instructional video that he was kinda mean about turning down.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus has the win over Dan Stein, but this time they’re in a cage with no one able to do the run-ins that Syberus likes to sprinkle in with his psychological war games. Then The Sheik will take on the undefeated Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: (angrily points at the camera) They don’t teach what The Sheik is gonna do to you in any school, college boy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Why are you so offended that he went to college??
Phillip Blauer: Are you really falling for all this? All this good samaritan, charity hogwash? Wake up, sleepyhead. He’s a plant from Big School. They’re coming for your kids, America!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you stop it. Last month, in a thriller, Cross Recoba defeated The Society of the New Breed’s Syberus. Now he takes on their high flyer, former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: Both men maybe don’t have their complete attention on their opponent. Cross Recoba is involved in legal action against Kalmin Watts for submission infringement and Tuxedo Mask lost the Hardkore World Tag Team titles because he couldn’t stomach Dirk “Glorious Wolf” Thijmen winning in his place.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m sure Tux feels very bad about that.
Phillip Blauer: And I highly doubt that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well at any rate, Tuxedo Mask has a big challenge ahead of him and a win over the owner of Tap Out would be a huge feather in his cap. Conversely, with Cross Recoba’s desire to make himself an enemy of the Hardkore fans, he could do no better than defeating the wildly popular Tux. Speaking of popular, Little Dragon will be taking on the mercurial Ruben Bowman.
Phillip Blauer: I’m not supposed to say anything,...
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, in Las Vegas, Little Dragon was unsuccessful in his match with Kalmin Watts but picked up some valuable experience…
Phillip Blauer: Enough with the third degree, I’ll talk! Marty’s got a certain eye on a certain poet in a certain match. I can’t say much more or Dan Stein will tie me up with my own testicals or something, I can’t remember the exact threat but it was graphic.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I can’t think of who you’re talking about but thank you for that.
Phillip Blauer: It’s called investigative journalism, Georgia. You should try it some time.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’ll give it a go. Little Dragon is looking for his next big win here, and a win over the Buff Bard would certainly fall into that category. We also have Gavin Drake taking on newcomer “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar. Drake got a win over Moondog Dook and now hoping to continue his winning ways over the new hire who has insinuated that he is or was part of the Illuminati?
Phillip Blauer: You mean that’s real? Why haven’t they asked me…I mean, yeah, that’s where I remember him from. Good ole, Alex.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx.
Phillip Blauer: Good ole, Onyx.
“Baba O'Riley” by The Who plays and the fans boo as a the mad dog Moondog Dook walks down to the ring barking and swinging his chain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is our first match, and we are welcoming back to our broadcast team, Hardkore Fashion Reporter Yolanda Ando! Welcome back, Yolanda!
Camera cuts to Hardkore Fashion Reporter Yolanda Ando standing off to the side of the aisle way
Yolanda Ando: Thank you, Guillermo and Phil! It’s great to be back. I guess you guys just forgot to call me and let me know you started last month.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, we started back last April.
Yolanda Ando: Last April? Wow, well that’s totally fine. As you know there is plenty of work for pro wrestling fashion reporters to keep me busy.
Phillip Blauer: Is that true?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think she’s being sarcastic, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: I can never pick up on that stuff. That and social cues.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Very true. Well, Yolanda. You’re here now. Please just take us away.
Yolanda Ando: (looks angrily at the camera)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: ...
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re very sorry we didn’t call you, but we really need to play Dirk van Thijmen’s music and Jonnie’s been in cost cutting mode as it is and…
Yolanda Ando: Fine. (takes a breath) Moondog Dook is an Albino hillbilly, wearing ripped jean shorts with a rope acting as a belt, with black boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda.
Phillip Blauer: Boy, touchy. I hope our history together doesn’t make for an awkward work environment or I’m gonna have to sue her.
Guillermo O’Bannon: For what?
Phillip Blauer: Attention, mostly.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook took out his frustration on Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen in the back in Las Vegas and they had to be separated. In Reno, Moondog Dook came out of the crowd to attack van Thijmen after his match with Dana “The Drone” Daniels with Daniels joining in.
Phillip Blauer: I’m just glad to see Dookie made a friend. I think ever since his last friend was found dead in their motel room he’s been hesitant to…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, ok, ok. Everyone knows that story and the DA decided there wasn’t enough evidence to charge him so let’s move on. Dirk van Thijmen’s wife Mickie Fury got involved and evened up the odds, we'll see if she’s here tonight.
Greg Jin: “Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to The Chase Center. Your first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds…MOONDOG DOOK!!!”
The crowd boos loudly as Dook chews on his chain
“Born To Be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays and the fans jump to their feet! The Hardkore Tron begins playing a guy on screen with a ponytail riding a motorcycle. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen walks out onto the ramp with his wife, Mickie Fury
Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, the Glorious Wolf, looking to prove he belongs in the big time!
Phillip Blauer: You should do that.
Yolanda Ando: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen is dressed in a wool coat with high black boots, underneath he has tight knee high leather pants. He has a hairy chest, and spike reddish hair and mustache. Mickie Fury wears a white cat suit and white boots.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Dirk van Thijmen substituted for an injured Tuxedo Mask and almost had the Hardkore World Tag Team titles won for The Society of the New Breed in Las Vegas, but Tux tried to insert himself back into the match, and wound up costing his team the titles. He was of course trained by the likes of Uncle Claymore Clyde, The Nerds, Lippi Yamazula, Suikerbossie and the legendary Tum Tum.
Phillip Blauer: What could The Nerds possibly teach anyone?
Before he steps into the ring, Dirk van Thijmen takes off his wool coat and hands it to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. The San Francisco fans hoot and whistle at the Glorious Wolf’s rippling muscles
Guillermo O’Bannon: Big ovation from the fans here, and he has won the respect from them from the last show in the Desert, but now he’s got his biggest one on one match of his career.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by Mickie Fury, Originally from Antwerpen, Belgium now living in Los Angeles, California; Standing at 6 feet tall; Weighing 230 pounds…DIRK ‘GLORIOUS WOLF’ VAN THIJMEN!!!”
The Chase Center gives him a huge pop
Dirk 'Glorious Wolf' van Thijmen vs. Moondog Dook
Richie Richardson signals for the bell and Moondog Dook and Dirk van Thijmen lock up in a collar and elbow tie up
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s the Glorious Wolf vs. The Moondog! Dirk van Thijmen catches Moondog Dook in a side headlock. He locks his hands together and puts a vicelike grip on Dook.
Glorious Wolf releases the headlock, and then takes him over in a snapmare
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook rolls to his feet and van Thijmen grabs two handfuls of the Moondog’s wild hair and flips him to the mat!
The audience cheers as Dook whimpers and rolls to the corner, pointing at van Thijmen
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook getting a little taste of his own medicine.
Phillip Blauer: Usually you have to hide Dook’s medicine in a piece of cheese.
Guillermo O’Bannon: An angry Dook charges Glorious Wolf, but van Thijmen catches him with a hip toss. He flips Dook again with a fireman’s carry into a hammerlock. The last time Moondog Dook was in San Francisco was March of 2005 in the old Cow Palace when The Shootfighter turned on him and his partner “Giant” Baba O’Reilly and served them up to The Warhammer Corporation; Tarrasque & "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and "Minister" Marty Bower
Dirk van Thijmen pulls up on his wrist, trying to hyperextend his chicken winged elbow. Dook howls in pain, but shakes his head refusing to quit
Phillip Blauer: No, the last time he was in San Francisco was when that promoter sued him for the fire.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, you’re right. Anyway, Moondog Dook back up to his feet with van Thijmen still hanging on to that chicken wing. Dook throws his head backwards into Glorious Wolf’s face, escaping that hammerlock. Dook now biting Dirk van Thijmen!
The Chase Center rocks with boos while Richie Richardson tries to pry Dook off of Dirk van Thijmen while Mickie Fury complains at ringside. Out of desperation, van Thijmen punches Dook in the stomach to stop him from biting him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen punches Dook in the stomach, and then lifts him up onto his shoulders with a fireman’s carry. He spins him around and round in an airplane spin!
The fans laugh and cheer as Dook makes revelation after revelation, finally van Thijmen slams him to the mat. Dook gets right back up, dizzy walks a few steps, and then falls to the mat
Phillip Blauer: That looks like Dook’s dashcam video from his DUI in 2011.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Would you come on, that is ancient history. Dirk van Thijmen grabs that long mane of hair and bashes Dook’s face into the turnbuckle. And again.
Dirk van Thijmen smashes Dook into the turnbuckle one more time, knocking him to the mat. He grabs Moondog Dook by the legs and catapults him over the ropes to the floor below for a big pop
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook out on the floor in front of us, and van Thijman’s wife Mickie Fury sneaks in a kick to the stomach.
Phillip Blauer: Kicking a dog? Where is San Francisco’s animal lovers on this one?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook pointing at Mickie Fury and walking towards her now.
Phillip Blauer: Moondog has the look that I’m sure he’s had all those nights he wound up being a story on TMZ where Jonnie leaves a statement divorcing himself from the situation.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen now on the top turnbuckle and comes crashing down on the back of Dook’s head with a double ax handle!!
The San Francisco fans cheer as Dook goes spilling out into the railing, smacking it face first. Dirk van Thijmen checks to see if his wife is ok, but Micky Fury assures him she is fine
Guillermo O’Bannon: Glorious Wolf hits Moondog Dook with some forearms. He then rocks Moondog Dook in the jawline with a european uppercut.
A battered Moondog backs into the railing. Van Thijmen swings with a big right hand, but Dook blocks it but and returns fire with a uppercut
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook grabs van Thijmen in a headlock, and then runs his head into the apron. He grabs his chain!
Phillip Blauer: I knew something was missing.
The Chase Center jeers and Mickie Fury tries to intervene, but Richie Richardson stops her. Moondog Dook whips van Thijmen with the chain, and he cries out in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once again, Richie Richardson missing the point of his role in the match.
Phillip Blauer: Richie doesn’t want that lady helping.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, Dook whips him with that chain! He grabs him in a headlock, and running bulldogs his throat into the railing!!
The audience lets out a collective “OH!” Moondog Dook sits out in the front row of the crowd trying to collect himself. Dirk van Thijmen clutches his throat, trying to breathe while Mickie Fury tries to help him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Moondog Dook back here at ringside with that chain again. He runs and clotheslines van Thijmen with the chain!!
Dirk van Thijmen rolls around the floor, holding his throat. Mickie Fury complains to Richie Richardson, while Moondog Dook whips the floor with the chain repeatedly as the fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dook pulls van Thijmen up by the hair, and pulls him over to the corner. He tries to ram Dirk’s head into the post, but van Thijmen blocks it with his boot. Glorious Wolf reverses it and smashes Dook’s face into the corner post!!
The Chase Center lets out another loud “OH!!” as Dook twirls around with blood running down his face. Dook walks around, dizzy and staggers back into the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen climbs to the top turnbuckle and catches Dook on the button with a flying dropkick!!
The crowd chants “DIRK! DIRK! DIRK!” as van Thijmen motions for Dook to get up. Mickie Fury pounds the apron. A bleeding Dook stands up and staggers into a gut wrench suplex across the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Van Thijmen grabs Dook’s leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab. He plants his feet and sits back on the half crab, trying to hyperextend Dook’s kneecap.
The San Francisco fans cheer as Richie Richardson checks in to see if Dook wants to tap out, but he shakes his head. Moondog Dook bleeds a large pool of blood under his face while Mickie Fury yells at him to give up
Phillip Blauer: There’s two things Moondog Dook won’t do. That’s pay child support and give up. It’s his creed. You have to respect that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Please do not respect that. Moondog Dook crawls over to the side of the ring and hooks the bottom rope.
The audience jeers as Richie Richardson forces Dirk van Thijmen to release the single leg boston crab. Dirk rolls his eyes and climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen dives off the top rope and catches Moondog Dook with a flying clothesline!
The jeers turn to cheers as Mickie Fury pumps the crowd up. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen runs him into the ropes and rolls back into a bridging backroll press
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Moondog Dook kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen runs into the ropes and catches Moondog Dook with a wheelbarrow bodyscissors and then rolls up into his DDT!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!!!
“Born To Be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays and the audience jumps to their feet in celebration! Mickie Fury rolls into the ring as Moondog Dook bleeds all over the canvas
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk van Thijmen has soundly defeated Moondog Dook with his wheelbarrow DDT!
Greg Jin: “At 10 minutes 35 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, DIRK ‘GLORIOUS WOLF’ VAN THIJMEN!!!”
Mickie Fury holds her husband’s arm up in the air in victory along with Richie Richardson as the Chase Center roars
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen said he was going to stop the Moondog and he did. He now turns his attention to the rest of the Hardkore World roster.
Moondog Dook sits up with blood running down his face as the screen fades to black
Coming in April,
Palm Springs Punishment 2023
Hardkore World’s biggest of the year!
The event that has showcased classic matches like Kilroy Evans vs. Tarrasque in a steel cage, Matthew X winning the Hardkore World Title Tournament in one night, Andrew Karnage vs. Ken Shiro in a barbed wire match, Syberus vs. Cobryn, and Marty Donovan vs. “The Big Ragoo” JoJo Sushi in a cage is now the place where today’s Hardkore World wrestlers will make their moment in our 35 years of history! Order now on PPV or on streaming with ScreamBox, FanDoor, Black Sugar, and Crackle TV!!
Or just watch it on your phone, with the sound down, the way wrestling was made to be seen!
Fade back up on Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up we have an intriguing encounter between Gavin Drake and a newcomer to Hardkore World, “The Infamous” Onyx Brekker.
“Infamous” Onyx Brekkar walks out with no music to some polite applause
Phillip Blauer: No music. Very different. I like it. I don’t need to always know what your favorite song is.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyxx Brekker is a disgraced first son of a very prominent member of one of the most powerful and influential secret societies on the planet. They have many rumored names and monikers but the general republic often refers to them as the Illumaniti.
Phillip Blauer: Oh yeah? Me too. I’m in that too.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You are not.
Phillip Blauer: I am so. I’m totally in the Elimina…Aluminum…the thing you just said. I just hung out there last night. Oh look, there’s my old pal, Arnold.
“Infamous” Onyx Brekkar walks past the announce desk
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Onyx, and don’t embarrass me.
Yolanda Ando: “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar is wearing tights/pants like Shane Helms when he was the WCW Crusierweight Champion only they are black with a black belt with silver studs or spikes all around it and the buckle is a skull with the word WAR inscribed on it's forehead. He also wears black combat boots. He wears a black and white PUNISHER logo under armour sleeveless shirt. He carries a black cane with a silver skull identical to the one on his belt buckle and wears his black leather jacket down to the ring. He wears fingerless gloves and a black fedora down to the ring as well. He is a very sharp dresser.
Phillip Blauer: I see that. Some fancy pants he’s got on.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx Brekkar made his debut in Reno, defeating Biker Daddy, but he’s got some stiffer competition here tonight with The Blood of Kings, Gavin Drake.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, fighting out of That Place between Heaven and Hell; He stands 6 foot 4 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds…’THE INFAMOUS’ ONYX BREKKAR!!!”
The intrigued audience cheers
"Impermanence" by the Architects plays as the shadowy figure of Gavin Drake steps out, followed by the robe draped Emily Black.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake defeated Moondog Dook in Las Vegas, and now wants to ruin Onyx Brekkar’s debut here tonight in San Francisco.
Gavin Drake nods to himself, staring at the booing San Francisco crowd before he throws a fist in the air. Gavin Drake starts down the ramp, rolling inside the ring. Emily Black follows behind him
Yolanda Ando: Gavin Drake is wearing a black kilt with black trunks and black boots underneath.
Emily Black steps under the ropes to enter the ring as Gavin Drake leans across the ropes screaming at the audience before he turns away
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Emily Black; From Carlisle, Cumbria; Standing 6 feet 3 inches; Weighing 253 pounds, The Empty Hand…GAVIN DRAKE!!!”
The Chase Center boos as Drake throws up his fist and Emily Black poses.
Gavin Drake vs. "The Infamous" Onyx Brekkar
Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar slugs Gavin Drake right off the bat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake ducks the next right hand and back suplexes Brekkar. Brekkar gets up, only to get dropkicked back to the mat.
Emily Black applauds on the outside. Gavin Drake irish whips Brekkar into the ropes and catches him with a powerslam on the way back
…ONE!
…Onyx Brekkar kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake irish whips him into the corner this time and then runs in with an avalanche.
Gavin Drake atomic drops Brekkar on the top turnbuckle, and then pulls him down into a tree of woe. Drake backs up and running dropkicks the upside down Brekkar! The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of that. Onyx staggers out of the corner, and Drake drapes Brekkar’s own arm behind his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Onyx staggers out of the corner, and Drake drapes Brekkar’s own arm behind his head and then delivers a heart punch!
Phillip Blauer: Oh, my brothers at the Fettucini…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Illuminati
Phillip Blauer: …That thing, will not be happy to see that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drake tries to irish whip him again, but this time Onyx reverses it and shoots him into the ropes. He catches him with a lo down spinebuster known as KayFaBBeR!
…ONE!
…Gavin Drake claps his legs together on Onyx Brekkar’s head!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Gavin Drake rolls to his feet and catches Brekkar around the neck, depositing him on the mat with a uranage!
Drake double underhooks Onyx Brekkar’s arms and drives his head into the mat with a DDT! The fans boo as Drake applies an STF
Guillermo O’Bannon: STF applied by Gavin Drake as he clamps his arm down across “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar’s windpipe and peels back his head.
Emily Black smiles at ringside as Kelly O’Connell checks in to see if Onyx Brekkar wants to tap out. Suddenly The Chase Center darkens
Phillip Blauer: Oh my god, it’s them! The Illmatic!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Illuminati.
Phillip Blauer: I’ve angered them with my presumptiveness and now they’ve come to drink my young blood.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Won’t all the Centrum Silver in it be an issue?
Three heartbeats are heard. Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again. “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays over the PA as “The Punisher” Dan Stein makes his way to the ring area with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face.
Phillip Blauer: Oh thank god, it’s Dan The Man!
Guillermo O’Bannon: What’s he doing here? We’re in the middle of a match!
Dan Stein slides into the ring while Gavin Drake is still applying the STF on Onyx Brekkar. Emily Black tries to warn him as Dan Stein lifts his worn, taped up black club called The Peacemaker over his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein brains Gavin Drake in the back of the head with The Peacemaker!!
The crowd lets out a loud cheer. Onyx Brekkar gets to his feet, and thanks Dan Stein. Stein nods and points at Drake’s body that they should double team him
Guillermo O’Bannon: As soon as “The Infamous” Onyx Brekkar turns around, Dan Stein smashes him in the back of the skull with The Peacemaker as well!! What is he doing?
Phillip Blauer: You go in there and ask him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s got a cage match with 5 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus later on tonight. Why would he be inserting himself into this match Dan Stein lifts Onyx Brekkar up by the throat with both hands and throttles the very life out of him!
Dan Stein drops down into a sit out chokeslam!! Stein pulls Gavin Drake up into a crotch-tie position and then pumphandles him up into a sitout slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Reckoning on Gavin Drake!! He’s laid waste to both men, and now he’s just looking at both of them.
Dan Stein motions rudely to Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. and ring announcer Greg Jin that he wants a mic
Phillip Blauer: Get him a mic, Carl!
After a few seconds Greg Jin hands Dan Stein a microphone
Dan Stein: Hey San Francisco, it’s good to see you again and SHUT THE HELL UP! The Punisher has something to say.
The Chase Center roundly boos Stein.
Dan Stein: My very good and loyal friend, Disney’s Marty Donovan, made an astute observation backstage while he was doing…uh, whatever it was that he was doing. Mr. Donovan mentioned he was bored, and this card will run for 4 hours if we don’t do something about it. I know you morons in the crowd overpaid Jonnie your hard-earned California welfare for all these matches, but Marty’s correct. We can’t be just sitting around here all day waiting, so I came down here to personally take care of the problem. So for all you fat, stupid San Francisco fans heading out for a potty break or walking to the vendor to buy your locally sourced organic popcorn topped with free range soy-based butter alternative, hold your fedoras and come on back. I have something else to say. It won’t take long…I know how short your attention spans are.
Stein smiles as the crowd rains boos down on him
Phillip Blauer: That’s nice of him.
Dan Stein: Now that I did Jonnie Valentine a favor by shortening the card, this also gives me an opportunity to send a message to my opponent tonight- the Great Syberus.
Stein looks right in the camera
Dan Stein: Syberus, listen to me very carefully. This game of show and tell is for one simple purpose- to demonstrate what is in store for you tonight. I didn’t just come out of retirement just to play stoic bodyguard to our current World champion….no. I came here to reap chaos. I came here to run through the roster like a case of 3 week old refried beans.
The fans boo and pockets of the crowd start chanting “SYBERUS! SYBERUS! SYBERUS!” Stein tries to talk over them
Dan Stein: And it starts right here tonight with The Artist Formerly Known as The Great Syberus. I hope this little demonstration was sufficient to get your attention, because this is just a taste of what I plan to do to you in that ring. I really hope you’re ready for tonight. You can bet your ass I am.
Stein points his finger at the backstage area
Dan Stein: As for anyone else back there who runs their mouth and plans to take a shot at Marty Donovan’s World title, there is talking a big game and then there is my way. Nobody touches my good friend Marty unless they can get through me first. My name is “The Punisher” Dan Stein. Come for me if you dare. Syberus, I’ll see you in hell!
Stein drops the mic and raises his Peacemaker club to the air to a loud chorus of boos, and exits the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: There he goes, the man acting as the gatekeeper for Marty Donovan’s Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phillip Blauer: You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Gatekeepers are necessary part of society. Without them could you imagine all the uggos and poors that would be in my restaurants and country clubs?
Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. checks on Onyx Brekkar while Emily Black tries to wake up Gavin Drake
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, at any rate, Dan Stein has ended this match effectively as a message to Syberus and anyone in the back. We’ll see if Syberus was watching when they finally lock up in a cage later on tonight!
The Fast Food Report
"New on KPLM at 2am, it’s The Fast Food Report with Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr.!"
Cut to Carl Valentine Jr. sitting at a desk, with a green screen behind him playing clips of fast food burgers, fries, and sodas
Carl Valentine Jr.: (nervous, looking at the wrong camera, his lower third graphic says Karl Valentine Jr.) Tonight, we investigate Burger King’s Chicken fries. What are they? Why are they?
We run down the top 5 fries in the country and explain why seasoned fries are cheating!
Are secret menus elitist?
How to get a date with the drive thru lady. I mean, I think. It’s never actually worked, but I think some of them just had a rule about dating customers.
In Memoriam, a look back at everybody killed over a Popeye’s chicken sandwich during the pandemic
And, it’s Flashback Friday so we take a fond look back at McDonald’s Mighty Wings
Fade back to Guillermo and Phil at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Now we have a match coming up that is a real mix of styles. Ruben Bowman taking on Little Dragon.
Phillip Blauer: Ruben’s poetry defines any one style. He’s not something to be put in a box, man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I was more talking about the clash of the powerful Ruben Bowman and the lightning quick Little Dragon. Both are looking for a big win to get a shot at Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter, and a win over either man is an important step towards that.
"Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator plays and The San Francisco crowd cheers as images of Little Dragon executing various moves in his matches as Little Dragon appears on the rampway, wearing a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols. Little Dragon nods as the fans give him a huge ovation
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Las Vegas, Little Dragon had an excellent match with Kalmin Watts where they earned one another’s respect. Now tonight, he takes on the strongman, Ruben Bowman. He wrote a little poem of his own for Ruben Bowman.
Phillip Blauer: You know I didn’t really care for that. Didn’t have the polish of a Ruben Bowman poem, didn’t really get my bongos going if you know what I mean.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I do not, and it doesn’t matter because like Little Dragon says, this isn’t about poetry, it’s about wrestling, and while Bowman is certainly bigger than him, Little Dragon has far more experience.
Little Dragon storms ringside and when he reaches the ring he slides under the ropes and forward rolls to his feet in a dragon stance
Phillip Blauer: Yeah, well he better count his lucky stars it isn’t about poetry.
Yolanda Ando: Little Dragon wears a green sleeveless full body surfer's suit, green ring boots, green MMA cobra gloves and a green mask that covers his face, nose and chin and his waist length dark hair flows freely from the top of his mask and his face and arms and body are covered with dragon tattoos and TAO symbols.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Little Dragon might be the smaller man in this match but he’s not afraid and he will not back down.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet tall, Weighing 225 pounds; Dynamo Dragon…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
The San Francisco fans cheer loudly as Little Dragon bows and then returns to his dragon stance
After a few seconds of “Taurus Shrine” playing over the speakers, Ruben emerges onto the stage to the loud boos of the New Mexico fans. Despite wearing his ring gear, he still has a parchment and quill in his hands that look tiny in his large hands.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman lost in Las Vegas to The Sheik and wants to erase that loss with a dominant win over Little Dragon. While he’s inexperienced, he certainly can get a win out of nowhere, like he proved in Albuquerque in his upset win over Gavin Drake.
Phillip Blauer: Again, I’m not supposed to say anything, but if he wins tonight, there’s a rumor he could be the official poet of a certain group. I’ve already said too much, but it’s a story I’ve been working on for the last couple weeks.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Anointed?
Phillip Blauer: That is rampant speculation and beneath me as a journalist. You better take your butt to Daily Mirror with that kinda hack reporting.
Ruben Bowman slides under the bottom rope into the ring where he goes to wait in the corner
Greg Jin: “And his opponent; From Wherever The Muses Dictate; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He is Poetry in Motion…RUBEN BOWMAN!!!”
The Chase Center rains boos down on Ruben Bowman as he stares at Little Dragon
Little Dragon vs. Ruben Bowman
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Bowman walks to the middle of the ring. He holds his hand high for a test of strength that Little Dragon can’t reach
Phillip Blauer: (laughs) Now that’s funny! He really is a Little Dragon!
The audience boos. Bowman laughs, and asks Phil if he can see this
Phillip Blauer: (shouts back at the ring) I can, it’s hilarious!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop it, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: I can have friends!
Little Dragon isn’t deterred. He walks up to Bowman and extends as far as he can
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pretends he’s going to lower his hand for the test of strength, then violently kicks Dragon in the ribs!
Phillip Blauer: Too bad, shrimp.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman then sends him to the mat with a double ax handle to the back.
The San Francisco fans boo the cheap tactic as Ruben Bowman stomps Dragon multiple times
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pulls him up and lifts him up high into a stalling vertical suplex.
Phillip Blauer: He holds him up there effortlessly. Like you and I would hold a gallon of milk.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman drops him to the mat in the suplex and floats over for a pin.
…ONE!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Bowman smirks as he picks Dragon up, into a half nelson hammerlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman with a tiger suplex!
…ONE!
…Little Dragon rolls his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman picks Dragon up and pushes him back into the corner. He hits a couple of shoulder tackles, then turns around and elbows Dragon in the head.
The jeers get louder as Bowman backs up to let Dragon stumble out of the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman catches him with a powerslam!
…ONE!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Ruben Bowman appears to want to get this night over with as quickly as possible and hit one of San Francisco’s many coffee houses to try out his new hep verses on the cats and kittens.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon is no night off. Bowman applies a reverse chinlock.
The Chase Center rumbles with boos as Little Dragon does his best to fight it. Tommy Milligan is in position
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon works up to his feet, but Bowman keeps the chinlock on due to his size advantage. Bowman switches to a side headlock.
Phillip Blauer: If Little Dragon isn’t careful, Ruben Bowman could pop his head off like a Pepsi cap with those huge muscles.
Ruben Bowman locks his hands together and creates a vice around Dragon’s temples with the headlock. Dragon backs him up into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon tries to shoot him across the ring, but Bowman hangs on tight to the headlock.
The audience boos as Ruben Bowman wags his finger that he isn’t going anywhere, and clamps down harder on the headlock. Dragon works them back to the ropes, then steps over the bottom rope to force a break. Tommy Milligan lays in the five count until Bowman releases the headlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once Dragon gets out of the ropes, Bowman rushes in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Dragon evades with kicks to Bowman’s ribs.
The crowd cheers as Bowman shakes them off, then tries again. Dragon rolls forward to evade again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon pops up and applies a waistlock looking for a german suplex. Bowman tries to throw a back elbow, but Dragon ducks it then rushes Bowman into the corner.
Little Dragon throws some punches. Bowman shakes them off and reverses their positions in the corner.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tables turned now and Bowman tries for a shoulder tackle again, but Dragon pulls himself up to a seated position on the top rope and Bowman rushes through and hits the ring post!!
The Chase Center lets out a loud “OH!!” at Bowman hitting his shoulder into the steel ringpost
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman backs out, Dragon applies a headlock, then hits a tornado DDT!
The fans cheer as Dragon covers
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman rolls to the ropes, but is caught with a running kick to the head by Little Dragon!
Bowman falls to the outside as the fans cheer. Once Bowman starts getting up, Dragon hits the ropes and hits a suicide dive through the ropes, popping the crowd even more
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon picks Bowman up and rolls him into the ring, then climbs the ropes. He comes off looking for a shooting star press, but Bowman rolls out of the way!!
Dragon clutches his ribs as Bowman gets back to his feet. Bowman stomps Dragon in the ribs a couple of times
Phillip Blauer: “Oh mine ribs hurt, let me count the ways.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman pulls him up by the mask and irish whips into the turnbuckles. Dragon hits the corner hard, then is caught by a big boot from Bowman!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Little Dragon kicks out!
The fans cheer as Little Dragon stays alive. The San Francisco crowd starts chanting “DRAGON! DRAGON! DRAGON!” Bowman smirks and climbs the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Once he gets to the top, Bowman comes off with a moonsault, but Dragon gets his knees up!!
The Chase Center erupts with cheers as Little Dragon fights his way up, then pulls Bowman up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon ducks a punch, then hits a chop block to Bowman’s knees. Dragon hits the ropes, then delivers a thunderous clothesline to the back of Bowman’s head!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Ruben Bowman kicks out!
Little Dragon pops up and plays to the fans. Dragon leaps up to the top rope as Bowman stands up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon jumps off looking for DSD, but Bowman is able to steady himself.
Phillip Blauer: Look at that power!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman falls forward to clutch the ropes and save himself. Dragon lets go, then rolls backward up to his feet.
Bowman stays on the ropes as Kelly O’Connell gets between them. With O’Connell facing him, Bowman pokes Dragon in the eye. The fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, come on.
Phillip Blauer: Bowman was just brushing some dandruff off Kelly’s shoulder. A girl’s got to look her best.
Bowman gets out of the ropes and smirks as he viciously whips Dragon into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ruben Bowman hits the ropes himself and is looking for another running big boot, but Dragon is quicker and dropkicks Bowman’s plant leg!
Bowman clutches at his leg and flops around on the mat. Kelly O’Connell comes over as Bowman grimaces in pain, and punches his fist into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: It looks as if he may have hyperextended his knee. Bowman hobbles to his feet, but Little Dragon, seeing the injury, kicks him in the knee, and dragon screw leg whips to the mat. Dragon applies a stepover leglock.
Bowman sits up in pain, as Little Dragon twists on his crossed leg, putting pressure on his knee. Bowman is able to use that 6’7 frame to reach out and grab the ropes and Kelly O’Connell forces him to break the stepover leglock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bowman pulls himself up by the ropes, but Little Dragon dives into a knee clip from behind. He rushes to apply a figure four leglock!
The fans erupt in cheers! Kelly O’Connell Bowman tries to reach for the ropes, but Dragon uses every bit of his power to scoop back and pull Bowman away from the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dragon begins to slam his fist into Bowman’s injured knee, and this is too much! Bowman taps out!
The San Francisco crowd leaps to their feet as "Set the World on Fire" by Annihilator plays. Little Dragon releases the figure four and raises his arms in victory
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes, 37 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…LITTLE DRAGON!!!”
Little Dragon hops onto the middle turnbuckle and soaks in the cheers of the fans. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. gets into the ring to take a look at Ruben Bowman’s knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon shows it’s not how big the dragon is but the size of his heart tonight with a big win over the Buff Bard, Ruben Bowman; who looks like that knee injury might be serious.
Phillip Blauer: Someone help the poet!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Little Dragon puts himself right back into contention for Eron Hunter’s Hardkore West Coast Championship with tonight’s victory.
Little Dragon goes to ringside and starts slapping the hands of the fans. The Hardkore medical team stabilizes Ruben Bowman’s leg and starts carrying him away on a stretcher
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is a highly anticipated match between two icons, Tuxedo Mask and Tap Out owner Cross Recoba.
Phillip Blauer: Is Cross here? I was gonna give him my resume but I’m still working on my cover letter. How do you spell unrivaled?
“Zero Space” by Kidneythieves plays and the crowd jumps to their feet! Tuxedo Mask walks out to the loud cheers of the San Francisco crowd. Tux stands at each side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak up and encourage the audience’s cheers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is coming off a heartbreaking loss in Las Vegas.
Phillip Blauer: That predicament is a dime a dozen in Sin City.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux was injured by Marty Donovan and had to be taken back to the locker room for medical attention. Dirk “Glorious Wolf” van Thijmen substituted for him and when he was at the jaws of victory, Tuxedo Mask insisted on tagging back in, and losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with Kilroy Evans.
Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to a big pop from the audience. He sees Yolanda and gives her a kiss on the cheek
Yolanda Ando: Oh my…Tux…we can’t do this again. Anyway guys, Tuxedo Mask wears a fancy tuxedo with white gloves and a white ballroom mask.
He slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match..Tux removes the tailcoat and mask.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight, he will try and move on past that terrible mistake, and get a big win over the undefeated Cross Recoba tonight. The last time Tuxedo Mask was in San Francisco was in 2005 when he and Death Gojira teamed up as The Cupcake Crew to defeat Syberus and AWS Man.
Tux slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match.
Greg Jin: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, hailing from Tokushima, Japan. Coming in at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 185 pounds; He is the uncommon kamen, a connoisseur and a lady lure…TUXEDO MASK!!!"
The crowd gives Tuxedo Mask a huge ovation.
"My Name is Human" by Highly Suspect begins to play inside the Chase Center as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. The San Francisco fans boo as out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix necklace for luck with the other. The High Caliber Wrestling Diamond title is draped over his shoulder. The crowd responds with a cavalcade of boos and jeers.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Quite a different reaction than he got in his hometown of Las Vegas last month, this time in San Francisco against the popular Tuxedo Mask.
Phillip Blauer: What do these people know? They designed an entire city of one way streets.
Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles cockily towards the jeering audience
Guillermo O’Bannon: In Reno, Cross Recoba brought some lawyers to observe The Sooner Squeeze in Kalmin Watts’ match. Kalmin Watts responded by tossing his opponent “El Exotic” Joey Little Horse onto those attorneys.
Phillip Blauer: Honestly, you can’t bring guests here without worrying about people throwing sexy Indians onto them.
Cross holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more venomous response from the fans, and begins down the ramp still holding it aloft
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba thinks he has a score to settle with Kalmin Watts and surely will be using this match to send a message to the Sooner. But Tuxedo Mask is a former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion as well as just coming off a run as the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, not to mention a 17 year veteran and not to be taken lightly.
Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck. He sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and, with a wipe of his feet, slips between the ropes. He pops up with both hands out at his side, walking forward as if putting his glory on display, and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to heckle and boo even louder. Cross stands to his full height and smirks, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, hailing from Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada; He stands 6 feet 1 inch tall, Weighing in at 230 pounds; The Box Office Smash of the XHF Network, He is The CEO of Tap Out Wrestling and The HCW Diamond Champion…’THE FOX’ CROSS RECOBA!!!”
The Chase Center rocks with boos
Cross Recoba vs. Tuxedo Mask
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross shoves Tuxedo into the ropes, and then Richie Richardson calls for a break.
Cross smirks and backs up, and then he drives a punch into the face of Tux before he snaps him at the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba hits him right on the button with a dropkick!
The San Francisco fans boo, and starts chanting The fans start chanting “CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS!” Cross smirks before he wraps up Tux’s legs and turns him over into a scorpion anklelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba has got Tux in the Lupara Bianca! He crushes the back of Tux’s head with his knee while twisting his ankle.
Tuxedo shakes his head at Richie Richardson, dragging himself towards the ropes as Cross tightens the hold. But Tuxedo soon grabs the lower rope, and Richie Richardson calls for the break with a few shoves at Cross. The hold is broken, and Recoba yells at Richardson as he pushes him backwards
Phillip Blauer: I would be careful. Does he know who’s nephew that is? It’s Jon…
Guillermo O’Bannon: (talks over him) It’s Richie Richardson, a completely unrelated official! And he better respect his authority.
Phillip Blauer: On what planet does Richie have any authority?
Tuxedo Mask rolls to his feet, leaning hard on the ropes as he limps forward. Cross smirks, and then he drives him into the corner delivering chop after chop as the fans count them down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba snaps Tuxedo across the ring, firing him into the far corner. He charge in after him, looking for the european uppercut, but Mask leaps over his head, coming off the ropes to land behind him! He grabs Cross, rolling him up for the pin in a sunset flip!
…ONE!
…Cross Recoba claps his legs together on Tuxedo Mask’s head!
The fans boo, and Cross comes to his feet fuming but Tuxedo Mask hits him with a dropkick
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask leaps to the outside before coming back in with a slingshot DDT!
Cross sprawls on the mat, and Tuxedo Mask basks in the cheers of the fans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux leaps to the turnbuckle, and he comes off with a split legged moonsault but Cross gets his knees up!!
Mask bounces off, holding at his back before Cross is on him. The fans start buzzing as Anthony Jordan shows up on the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: What’s he doing here?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t know, but back in the ring Cross Recoba drags Tuxedo Mask back to his feet firing off stiff elbows to his lower back again and again, and then he spins him around with a snap suplex! Mask is down, and Cross smirks before he rolls him up for a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out
The fans cheer, and Cross glares at Richie Richardson before he rolls to his feet to yell at the teen. He curses out Richardson, making the young ref look at his shoes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba turns around to be grabbed by Mask for a quick roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask kicks out
Cross fumes, and Mask shrugs before Recoba comes charging in before he hits the drop toe hold
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross hits the middle rope, and Mask runs back across the ring to come off with a 619!
Cross falls back in the ring, and Tuxedo Mask bows for the cheering fans. Anthony Jordan begins walking to the ring
Phillip Blauer: Now what is this stiff doing walking towards the ring? He has no business here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I’m not sure why Kalmin Watts’ manager is here but Tuxedo Mask turns to fire a dropkick into the rising Cross!
The San Francisco fans cheer and Cross slides downward to sit against the turnbuckle.Tuxedo grins, and goes backwards before he hits a handspring before landing on Cross with a bronco buster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxbuster!!
The crowd is on their feet, and Mask rolls backwards with a smirk. Anthony Jordan is now at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is leveled by a huge clothesline from Cross Recoba!
The fans groan, and Cross irish whips him into the ropes before catching with a sideslam into an elbow drop
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Tuxedo Mask gets his shoulder up!
The fans boo, and Cross snorts before he starts stomping away Tuxedo Mask’s back.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba plants a foot behind his knee, stomping away! He pulls Mask up again into a release german suplex!
Mask sprawls, starting to rise before Cross is on him once more. He hauls him to his feet, and scowling lifts him upwards into a styles clash and into a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Garibaldi's Guillotine!!
The fans jeer, and Recoba leans back hard as Mask strains for the ropes once more.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask’s fingers narrowly missing the bottom rope, and Cross drags him backwards as Richie Richardson stares down at Mask looking for the tap out!
Anthony Jordan jumps onto the apron and the fans cheer! Richie Richardson turns around to tell Jordan to get off the apron
Phillip Blauer: Get that old neverwas out of here! Cross has this match won!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Richie Richardson trying unsuccessfully to get Kalmin Watts’ manager down, but to no avail. Cross Recoba releases the Garibaldi's Guillotine and tosses Tuxedo Mask over the ropes to the floor below!!
Cross Recoba walks over to the apron but Anthony Jordan drops to the floor and backs up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba now giving chase to the manager up the aisle way and…Kalmin Watts now steps out from behind the curtain to back Anthony Jordan up!
Huge pop from the San Francisco fans as Cross Recoba stops in his tracks
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Kalmin Watts!
Phillip Blauer: I’m surprised he found the time between walking old ladies across the street and rescuing kittens from storm drains.
Kalmin Watts and Anthony Jordan begin walking towards Cross Recoba, who begins to back off as the audience is ecstatic
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba has said that he is taking legal action against Kalmin Watts but it looks like Watts wants some action of his own tonight against The Box Office Smash!
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba is a man of dignity and class that hasn’t yet gotten a chance to peruse my resume I assume. He is busy in a match with a former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion, a match he had won, I might add and doesn’t have time for…
Hardkore Timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. suddenly rings the bell as everyone looks around in confusion
Phillip Blauer: What in the Sam Hill?
Greg Jin: “Ladies and Gentleman, at 9 minutes 43 seconds; Referee Richie Richardson has counted both men out of the ring. This match has been ruled a Double Countout!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: What?
Phillip Blauer: Richie no!!
Richie Richardson shrugs at Phil while Cross Recoba kicks the railing in frustration. Kalmin Watts and Anthony Jordan laugh as they walk back to the locker room
Phillip Blauer: Richie! This is the first Hardkore World double countout in 30 years!
Richie Richardson: My bad. Don’t tell Uncle Jonnie?
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’re on TV Richie and…Jonnie is your boss, remember?
Richie Richardson: Totally. Am I off now?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes, Richie.
Richie Richardson: Sick.
Cross Recoba smashes a chair against the corner post in anger and then tosses it down the aisleway
Phillip Blauer: Yeah I would get out while the getting is good, Richie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Recoba tossing quite the tantrum here tonight. Kalmin Watts effectively cost Cross Recoba a win here tonight as their rivalry begins to boil over here tonight in San Francisco! Woah!!
Cross Recoba flips their announce table, ripping off the headsets of Guillermo and Phil who run like roaches when the light comes on!! Cross Recoba smashes the announce table with the chair! The fans start chanting “CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS! CROSS SUCKS!” as it fades out to commercial
This March, Hardkore World comes back to the Pacific Northwest for the first time since 2012 when we invade Portland, Oregon! Get your tickets now at the Veteran's Memorial Coliseum
“Boomer Sooner” by The University of Oklahoma Marching Band hits. The crowd cheers as Kalmin Watts, wearing his WUK British TV Title around his waist, walks out from behind the curtain.
Guillermo O’Bannon: And here he is, Kalmin Watts, the Wrestle UK British TV Champion.
Phillip Blauer: So he’s champion of Benny Hill? Big deal.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Earlier he cost Cross Recoba his match with Tuxedo Mask, causing a double countout, but now he’s here to put his title on the line against The Sheik because he’s a fighting champion.
Yolanda Ando: Watts is in his Oklahoma crimson and cream singlet. And the unidentified man walking out behind him is wearing a dark blue T-shirt and pants. On the back of the shirt is “SFFD” signaling that this man is likely a firefighter.
Phillip Blauer: Nothing gets past you, Yolanda.
Watts, Anthony Jordan and the firefighter walk down the aisle then enter the ring. Jordan moves around the ring and receives a microphone from timekeeper Carl Valentine Jr. He ascends the steps and enters the ring as “Twenties” cuts off.
Anthony Jordan: “Yes, you guessed right, it is time for another Sooner Squeeze Challenge!”
The fans cheer as Jordan gives his goofy grin.
Phillip Blauer: We don’t have time for this, we’re running heavy as it is. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr. said we had to cut my In My Humble Opinion spots for time.
Watts leans over and whispers something to the firefighter. Probably something to help calm him down as it looks like it is his first time in a ring.
Anthony Jordan: “Our challenger today represents the San Francisco Fire Department and is competing for victims of the recent wildfires!”
The fans cheer again Jordan walks over to the firefighter.
Anthony Jordan: “He is your own Captain Alex Gonzalez!”
The crowd cheers again as Gonzalez waves to them. Jordan reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out an envelope.
Anthony Jordan: “Since things can be a little more expensive here, we have increased the winner’s purse to twenty-thousand dollars!”
The crowd cheers again as Jordan puts the money away.
Phillip Blauer: He’s not kidding. A clam chowder bread bowl for $30?
Anthony Jordan: “The rules have not changed, but I will go over them again. Once Captain Gonzalez is locked into the Sooner Squeeze, a sixty second timer begins. He can win by completely breaking the hold or surviving the sixty seconds without submitting or being pinned. Also, to be clear, ‘breaking the hold’ means successfully getting out of Kalmin’s grasp. Even if you manage to pull his legs apart or shift the hold, you have to be clear of him.”
Jordan turns to both men.
Anthony Jordan: “Gentlemen, take your positions!”
Both men get on the mat, and Watts wraps his legs around Gonzalez without locking in the hold. Jordan checks with both men to see if they are ready. They indicate that they are. Jordan motions for Kelly O’Connell, in the ring since the beginning, to get into place.
Anthony Jordan: “Okay! THREE, TWO, ONE, GO!”
Watts locks in the Sooner Squeeze, and Captain Gonzalez grimaces and groans. He’s trying to get used to the pain as Watts uses every exhale lock in a little tighter. Gonzalez fights through it for the first twenty-five seconds. Pushing off of the leg on his front, Gonzalez slowly manages to turn himself. Eventually, he turns into a guard! With Watts flat, the referee counts to one, but Watts sits up. He locks Gonzalez in a front-face lock as we reach the fifty second mark. Watts quickly shifts and gets back into the Sooner Squeeze, then rolls Gonzalez back onto his shoulders. The referee counts to three, and Watts wins.
Anthony Jordan: “Wow, I have never seen that before! What a fight from Captain Alex Gonzalez!”
The crowd cheers as Jordan picks Gonzalez up and congratulates him as Watts stands up. Watts shakes hands with Gonzalez and compliments him on countering the hold.
Anthony Jordan: “Captain, you almost found a new way to win! That was amazing. Great show, but, unfortunately, you did not win.”
Jordan reaches into his jacket pocket and produces the envelope with $20,000. He hands it to Watts.
Anthony Jordan: “Kalmin, congratulations.”
Phillip Blauer: Where does he get this money from?
Watts accepts the envelope, then hands it to Captain Gonzalez. The fans cheer as Watts pats him on the back and thanks him for his service. Suddenly “My Name is Human” by Highly Suspect plays and the San Francisco fans boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Come on, we’re trying to do a good thing here for a charity.
Phillip Blauer: A Jonnie Valentine territory doing something good has always been like oil and water.
Cross Recoba walks out and waves that they need to call The Sooner Squeeze Challenge off. Anthony Jordan tries to get referee Kelly O’Connell to do something but she is powerless. The firefighter leaves the ring out of fear
Cross Recoba: “No, no, no! You think you’re going to cost me that match with Tuxedo Mask and then continue with his gross, clear, direct infringement on The Garibaldi's Guillotine Challenge?? I have tried to go through this through legal channels but you went so far as to assault my attorneys in Reno. You leave me no recourse other than to challenge your challenge.”
The Chase Center jeers Cross Recoba. Kalmin Watts throws his arms up in confusion while Anthony Jordan tries to get Cross to address him personally
Cross Recoba: “That’s right, I’m tired of all this. it’s time to go head to head, The Sooner Squeeze Challenge vs. The Garibaldi's Guillotine Challenge, simultaneously.”
The fans cheer the idea of the two submission challenges going up against one another. Kalmin Watts nods his head in approval while Anthony Jordan quietly warns him about the drawbacks
Cross Recoba: “We get two volunteers to take our respective finishes, and whoever’s victim taps out first, is the winner. I’ll put up $5,000 to this pitiful charity of yours.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: How is he against rebuilding after a wildfire?
Phillip Blauer: Those are usually just giant slush funds.
Anthony Jordan waves it off, saying he doesn’t accept on behalf of his client. Kalmin Watts tries to talk him out of it
Guillermo O’Bannon: It looks as though Kalmin Watts is fine with this challenge from Tap Out owner Cross Recoba, but his manager Anthony Jordan doesn’t think it’s the right time.
Phillip Blauer: You’re mispronouncing fear, Gustavo. That’s pure uncut panic on the part of manager Anthony Jordan. He knows his Sooner Squeeze is nothing compared to the Garibaldi's Guillotine.
Cross Recoba: “Fine, how about $10,000?”
The San Francisco fans pop as Kalmin Watts stops in his tracks. Anthony Jordan attempts to explain to Watts what his options are as Cross Recoba smirks
Phillip Blauer: Cross Recoba is putting his money where his mouth is. And all for a good cause.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The point here is to help. Kalmin Watts seems ready to veto Kalmin Watts.
Kalmin Watts agrees to the bet, and Anthony Jordan rolls his eyes
Cross Recoba: “If we could have a couple of volunteers please?”
Guillermo O’Bannon: That could be difficult, finding two people that want to take both the Garibaldi's Guillotine and The Sooner Squeeze.
Phillip Blauer: Larry?
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. puts up his hands and backs away
After a few awkward moments “Playing with Fire” by Paula Seling and Ovi plays and the fans cheer. The Dutch Express walk out waving to the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s the Dutch Express! Harley van Houten and Leo van Dam are bravely coming forward to test their mettle against the dueling submissions.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t really understand why, but I appreciate their taste for adventure.
Yolanda Ando: “These two fun loving reddish husky guys come off that ramp in black boots both wearing overalls. waving to the fans. Underneath they have the Dutch flag on the back of their trunks.”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. The Dutch Express now assuming the position in front of Cross Recoba and Kalmin Watts to see who’s move is greater.
Phillip Blauer: (rubbing his hands together) I can’t wait. I’ve played this out in my head so many times that I’ve been asked to leave dinners with friends I haven’t seen in years because I’m not talking…just thinking of who has a better submission hold. It’s really quite vexing when you think about it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil? Phil?
Kalmin Watts wraps his legs around Harvey van Houten and Cross Recoba pulls Leo van Dam’s head into his legs. Watts applies a body vice legscissors while on van Houten’s back while Recoba lifts van Dam in a styles clash but transitions it into a standing liontamer
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross has on the Garibaldi's Guillotine while Kalmin Watts clamps down on The Sooner Squeeze. Kelly O’Connell checks both men, who shake their head and signal they can continue. ‘
The fans cheer as Kalmin Watts squeezes Harvey van Houten’s ribs with his trunk like legs, while Harvey grimaces in pain. Meanwhile, Cross Recoba is bending Leo van Dam in half with his Garibaldi's Guillotine
Phillip Blauer: It looks like it’s neck and neck so far. It really depends on the pain tolerance of these two Dutchmen. You know, this is really a fascinating new kind of sport. We could have been doing this all along. The figure four vs. the boston crab, the camel clutch vs. the Sgt Slaughter knuckle noogie thing!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell looking for the tap out, checking on both men.
Kalmin Watts clenches his whole body, and gives it his all and Harvey van Houten begins to nod a little. Cross Recoba looks over at them nervously
Guillermo O’Bannon: Harvey van Houten looks like he may be close to giving up!
Cross Recoba drops Leo van Dam, releasing the Garibaldi's Guillotine and gets behind Kalmin Watts while he still has van Houten in The Sooner Squeeze. The crowd begins to boo
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba gets underneath Kalmin Watts and drops him on his head with a saito suplex!!
The Chase Center rocks with boos. Cross Recoba stands over top of Kalmin Watts, seething with anger while Anthony Jordan shouts insults at him
Phillip Blauer: Let’s call it a draw.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Let’s call it what it is, Cross Recoba saw that he was about to lose the challenge and decided to take a cheap shot on Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: Look, this guy just rubs some people the wrong way. Giving money to charity?! That’s heat, brother.
Cross Recoba rolls out of the ring, pointing at Kalmin Watts as Anthony Watts heps his client to his feet. Kalmin Watts tries to go after him, but Jordan holds him back, trying to save him from himself, since he has a match coming up. The Dutch Express limp to the back as Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. leads a livid Cross Recoba to the locker room
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cross Recoba and Kalmin Watts are currently on a collision course that goes far beyond submission challenges.
Phillip Blauer: I have not been smartened up to why he did that, but when I am, I will have a full throated rebuttal for the assumingly unfair treatment he is receiving from you.
“Seasons in the Abyss” by Stone Sour plays and the San Francisco crowd jeers as a laughing Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out with The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves certainly thinks that was pretty funny.
Phillip Blauer: Let the guy laugh. Cripes, when did you become such a destroyer of mirth.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t…I don’t destroy mirth.
Phillip Blauer: Says you.
The Sheik is licking his chops as he sees Kalmin Watts rub his neck slightly, and slides under the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Graves says Kalmin Watts may have heat with The Office which would explain why he was booked against The Sheik. Graves feels The Sheik has represented Hardkore World at XHF Supremacy and in Wrestle UK, and should be rewarded with title shots, but instead is given a match with Kalmin Watts.
Phillip Blauer: It defies all logic, but then again Jonnie doesn’t appreciate good talent and never has.
The Sheik points at Anthony Jordan, threatening him. Malcolm Xavier Graves laughs at Kalmin Watts
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik had some harsh words for Kalmin Watts’ manager, Anthony Jordan, and Malcolm Xavier Graves accusing Jordan of just using Watts as a meal ticket. The Sheik now trying to intimidate him here before the match begins.
Phillip Blauer: Some guys just aren’t prepared for the end of an in-ring career.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now trying to intimidate him here before the match begins. He has said that he is going to leave Kalmin Watts laying in front of Anthony Jordan.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the WRESTLE UK BRITISH TELEVISION TITLE! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Malcolm Xavier Graves…”
The crowd drowns Greg out with boos. Greg puts the mic to his side to wait out the jeering while Malcolm Xavier Graves shakes it off
Greg Jin: “From The Empty Quarter; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 235 pounds; The Great King of Terror…THE SHEIK!!!”
The boos get louder while The Sheik fakes and flinches towards Kalmin Watts. Watts waves him on
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Anthony Jordan; From Tulsa, Oklahoma; Standing 6 foot 6 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds of Boomer Sooner; He is the WRESTLE UK BRITISH TELEVISION CHAMPION…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
The Chase Center erupts in cheers as Kalmin Watts raises one arm
Wrestle:UK Television Title Match
Kalmin Watts vs. The Sheik
Greg Jin and Malcolm Xavier Graves exit the ring as Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell. The Sheik goes for a lock up, but Kalmin Watts ducks under and does a go behind
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts grabs The Sheik in a rear waistlock, and then does a takedown on The Man from Rub' al Khali.
Kalmin Watts floats over into a side headlock. He locks his hands together and grinds his forearm into the temple of The Sheik
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik making a mistake if his gameplan is trying to wrestle the Oklahoma University standout.
Phillip Blauer: I don’t get big gameplan vibes off of this guy.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I guess you’re right. The Sheik is now working his way to his feet with Watts hanging on to that headlock.
The Sheik pulls on Kalmin Watts’ hair, but Kelly O’Connell admonishes him and forces him to stop. The Sheik pushes Kalmin Watts off into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik follows him in with a heel kick to the face!
The audience boos, and The Sheik punches and kicks Watts while he’s in the corner. Malcolm Xavier Graves whoops it up at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik irish whips Watts in to the opposite corner but when he charges in this time, Watts catches him with an arm drag!
The fans pop and Kalmin Watts applied an armbar. Watts sticks his knee into Sheik’s shoulder and clamps down on his arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts seemed to feel The Sheik was taking him lightly, and is trying to make him pay here. He now turns it into a standing armbar, using Sheik’s own weight to put pressure on his shoulder. The Sheik is now forced to his feet by his arm barred arm.
The Sheik uses his free arm to scoop Kalmin Watts up and then drop him into a michinoku driver II
…ONE!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik stomps the back of Kalmin Watts’ head over and over.
The San Francisco fans boo, and The Sheik gives Watts another stomp just for them. He pulls Watts up into a front facelock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik drives Watts’ head into the canvas with a DDT!
Sheik climbs to the top turnbuckle as Kalmin Watts struggles to get to his feet. When he does, The Sheik dives off but the powerful Watts catches him, popping the crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts once again goes after Sheik’s arm with a shoulderbreaker. Watts pulls him up into the air with a suplex and leaves him up there!
The Chase Center cheers while Malcolm Xavier Graves yells at Watts to put him down this instant. Watts finally drops back and crashes Sheik down to the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts scoops Sheik up and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker.
Sheik clutches his back on the mat. Watts pulls him up and irish whips him, but The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik catches Kalmin Watts coming in with a springboard back elbow!!
The Sheik goes out to the apron, and slingshots himself over the ropes into a somersault leg drop across the throat of Watts
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls him up into a front facelock and steps up onto the second turnbuckle. He jumps off with a tornado DDT but Watts reverses it into a spinebuster!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts presses The Sheik over his head!
Phillip Blauer: This is starting to come off very “look at me”.
The crowd roars as Sheik shakes his head while Watts walks him around the ring. Kalmin eventually tosses him over the ropes to the floor below
Phillip Blauer: That was over the top rope, isn’t that illegal?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Maybe in AWA in the mid-80s.
Phillip Blauer: We started going to hell in a handbasket when we started letting that go.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts now going to the floor after…
Phillip Blauer: Hell in a handbasket.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I got it, Phil. Watts now looking to suplex The Sheik on the floor…but Malcolm Xavier Graves just jabbed the top of that cane into his kidneys!
The Chase Center rocks with boos. Anthony Jordan starts walking over, threatening MXG. Graves backs off, trying to plead his case to Jordan
Phillip Blauer: Ok, and here’s big man to pick on a 90 pound manager.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He is not 90 pounds.
Phillip Blauer: And now you’re body shaming him?? This guy can’t catch a break!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anthony Jordan is doing his job, trying to prevent any interference in his client’s match.
Phillip Blauer: Yeah? Well, bang up job so far.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile The Sheik smashes Kalmin Watts’ face into the guardrail!
The Sheik grabs a chair and menaces Anthony Jordan with it. Jordan backs off, and then The Sheik turns around and smashes Watts in the head with the steel chair!! A collective “OH!” goes over the San Francisco crowd and Watts is sprawled out on the arena floor
Phillip Blauer: Where are you with your “Kalmin Watts is making a mistake if his gameplan is trying to fight The Sheik on the floor” analysis? Pretty quiet, aren’t you?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, it was probably overzealousness on his part…
Phillip Blauer: (puts his hand up in Guillermo’s face) AHHHH!! I don’t want to hear it.
The Sheik rolls back into the ring, as Kalmin Watts pulls himself up by the railing
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik slingshots himself over the ropes onto Kalmin Watts with a plancha!!
The fans boo as Sheik and Watts lie on the floor. Sheik gets to his feet and rolls Watts back into the ring, then climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik comes crashing down with a flying leg drop!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kalmin Watts kicks out!
The fans applaud as both men lie on the mat, trying to catch their breath. Anthony Jordan and Malcolm Xavier Graves stand on opposite sides of the ring, pounding the apron, trying to wake their client up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kalmin Watts gets to his feet and blocks a right hand from The Sheik, countering with a left hook of his own. He scoops The Sheik up into a ribbreaker, and then uses that incredible strength to curl the 235 pound Sheik back up and drop him into a gutbuster. He curls him up one more time, and this time swings him over his shoulder. Watts gets a running start and powerslams The Sheik in the center of the ring!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watts irish whips him into the ropes but Sheik ducks The Oklahoma Hammer, The Sheik comes off the opposite ropes with a slingblade!
Kalmin Watts struggles to his feet, but Sheik grabs him and sits out into a facebuster! The jeers get loud as The Sheik applies a LeBell lock
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls back on Kalmin Watts’ head and neck, while clamping down on that arm. Kelly O’Connell in perfect position if Kalmin Watts should tap out.
Phillip Blauer: (turning to a disturbance behind him) What the devil? Gepetto, there’s a fan trying to jump the rail and attack me. Throw yourself at him to give me time!
Just as Phil leaves the broadcast position, Donzig jumps the railing into the ringside area
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Donzig! The Sheik’s opponent at our joint show with Wrestle: UK in LA!
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. makes the initial stop, but Donzig easily pushes him back and the portly Valentine tumbles to the floor
Guillermo O’Bannon:Larry’s down! Someone get Larry! Donzig now punches tosses Malcolm Xavier Graves into the guardrail!!
The fans pops at Malcolm Xavier Graves getting hurt and then Donzig makes his way over by the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donzig sprays a black mist into The Sheik’s eyes while Sheik’s hands are locked in the LeBell lock on Kalmin Watts!! The Sheik is blinded!
The audience cheers The Sheik’s misfortune, and The Sheik releases the LeBell lock, screaming and blinded
Donzig: “See you in LA!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whatever is in that black spew has got The Sheik completely blinded! He stands up, groping at the air, and Kalmin Watts grabs him in a rear waistlock, and flips him into a perfect german with a bridge!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
“Twenties” by Ghost plays and Kalmin Watts rises to his feet, working out his shoulder as Kelly O’Connell raises his good arm. Donzig escapes through the crowd
Greg Jin: “At 13 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL WRESTLE: UK BRITISH TELEVISION CHAMPION…KALMIN WATTS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik’s issues with Donzig in Wrestle: UK have followed him here to San Francisco. But Donzig should be the one concerned. There’s nothing scarier than The Sheik looking to settle a score. He’ll find that out in their barbed wire match in Los Angeles.
Kalmin Watts steps through the ropes and starts slapping hands with the fans in the front row. Malcolm Xavier Graves slides into the ring to tend to The Sheik
Phillip Blauer: Is he gone?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I think so.
Phillip Blauer: Thanks for holding down the fort. I was afraid it was a deranged wharfman, looking to silence my criticism of their overpriced sourdough bread bowls out here. But I will not be silenced! For that price, you should not have to ask for oyster crackers!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jesus, stop yelling, Phil! (straightens out his suit) Kalmin Watts scores his biggest victory so far here on the West Coast, I’m not even sure if he was aware of Donzig’s interference.
Phillip Blauer: I imagine Anthony Jordan paid for the whole thing from his wildfire slush fund.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He did not. Anyway, Kalmin Watts will be wrestling on Team Hardkore World at The Battle of Los Angeles against Team Wrestle: UK.
Kalmin Watts slings the Wrestle: UK British Television Championship over his shoulder and walks out down the aisle with Anthony Jordan as fans pat him on the back. Malcolm Xavier Graves is pouring water in The Sheik’s eyes, and trying to wash the black spray out of his eyes with towels. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. tends to Larry Valentine Jr. on the floor as a worried Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. looks on, worried. Fade to commercial
Battle of Los Angeles
Hardkore World vs. Wrestle: UK
The Crypto.Com Arena
Open on the Chase Center with the ring now wrapped in a chain link fencing. Guillermo and Phil are at ringside
Guillermo O’Bannon: It was 15 years…
Phillip Blauer: (bat screams)
Guillermo clutches his ears and Hardkore Camera Jackie Valentine Jr. flinches
Guillermo O’Bannon: My god, what is that??
Phillip Blauer: (bat screams and points at the steel cage)
Guillermo O’Bannon: What? What? Is it the cage?
Phil nods, bat screaming and still pointing at the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! Phil! Breathe!
Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. holds on to Phil while Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. tries to give Phil a sedative
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, hold still!!
David Valentine Jr. is able to inject him with a heavy sedative, as Phil breathes irregularly, still pointing at the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, can you hear me?
Phillip Blauer: Ca…Ca…Ca….
Guillermo O’Bannon: Slow down, Phil.
Phillip Blauer: Ca…Ca…Ca…Cage!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Cage?
Phil nods furiously, pointing at the cage
Phillip Blauer: Cage! F…F…F…
Guillermo nods, trying to help him along
hillip Blauer: F…F…F…Fall!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fall?
Phil nods. He points to the top of his head
Phillip Blauer: On…On…On…On M…M…M…My Head!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I know, I know. That must have hurt.
Phil nods, then shivers as his looks at the ground, locked in PTSD
Guillermo O’Bannon: But last time that was when Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. had his full crew, but tonight he lost his top apprentice, Simon.
Phil cheers up, then realizes that’s worse
Guillermo O’Bannon: But anyway, it was 15 years ago, the main event of Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 in August for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. The champion Syberus putting his title on the line against “The Punisher” Dan Stein with “Platinum” Pat Bozzini as the special guest referee.
Phillip Blauer: (slurring) Those final instructions before the bell…must have lasted 20 minutes.
The crowd goes rabid as Jones slides Stein onto Syberus, and Pat Bozzini then tries to make the three count
Referee Pat Bozzini: 1...2...thr- (Roscoe Law stomps the back of his head)
Phil Blauer: Roscoe Law saves the match for his man!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones and Roscoe Law trading right hands!
Phil Blauer: Wait, who's this now??
Guillermo O'Bannon: A 6'10 giant is in the ring now...that's Hardkore California's Freddy Lopez!
Adrian Tanner comes down to the ring with him. Lopez sucker punches Roscoe Law! The fans boo as Freddy Lopez lifts Roscoe Law up on his shoulder and drops him from seven feet in the air with with his Iron Bomb!! Law lays limp on the mat
Guillermo O'Bannon: Freddy Lopez presses Lucifer Jones over his head and drops him in a powerslam!! Tanner in the ring now with his giant...but he whacks Lopez upside the head with his Daytripper superkick! "
Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining."
Phil Blauer: What?? Syberus tried to break his neck??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Adrian Tanner Jr. catches Dan Stein with The Revolver!! Syberus staggers up to his feet and hits The Pure Confidence!!
Referee Pat Bozzini: 1...2...3!!!
The crowd roars as "Battleflag" by Low Fidelity All Stars plays. The carcasses of Freddy Lopez, Dan Stein, and Lucifer Jones lay on the mat. Pat Bozzini begrudgingly hands Syberus the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 25 minutes 48 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...The Great SYBERUS!!!"
Phil Blauer: The Connection swerved us all and have reformed tonight here in Belfast, Northern Ireland.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Allen Anderson, Pat Bozzini, Tarrasque, The Army of the Corporate Accursed, Lucifer Jones, Roscoe Law, Freddy Lopez, and Adrian Tanner Jr. all made their presences known tonight, but in the end, Syberus climbs back up to the mountain and wins the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship again!
Syberus raises Adrian Tanner Jr.'s arm and soaks in the cheers. He then swings around and kicks Tanner in the stomach! The audience gasps and Syberus hits The Pure Confidence on Tanner!! Ulster Hall rocks with boos
Guillermo O'Bannon: No good deed goes unpunished with Syberus. Syberus once again uses manipulation and mind games to turn one side of the locker room against the other with him coming out with a belt in his hand.
The audience boos as "Pet" by A Perfect Circle plays and Syberus walks over and shakes Dan Stein's hand as he lies unconscious on the mat. Law pats Syberus' shoulder making him flinch. He sees it's Roscoe, and smiles. Roscoe hands him the Hardkore World Championship belt and he holds it up in the air] Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus regains his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and starts another war with Adrian Tanner Jr.
Referee Pat Bozzini: 1...2...thr- (Roscoe Law stomps the back of his head)
Phil Blauer: Roscoe Law saves the match for his man!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones and Roscoe Law trading right hands!
Phil Blauer: Wait, who's this now??
Guillermo O'Bannon: A 6'10 giant is in the ring now...that's Hardkore California's Freddy Lopez!
Adrian Tanner comes down to the ring with him. Lopez sucker punches Roscoe Law! The fans boo as Freddy Lopez lifts Roscoe Law up on his shoulder and drops him from seven feet in the air with with his Iron Bomb!! Law lays limp on the mat
Guillermo O'Bannon: Freddy Lopez presses Lucifer Jones over his head and drops him in a powerslam!! Tanner in the ring now with his giant...but he whacks Lopez upside the head with his Daytripper superkick! "
Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining."
Phil Blauer: What?? Syberus tried to break his neck??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Adrian Tanner Jr. catches Dan Stein with The Revolver!! Syberus staggers up to his feet and hits The Pure Confidence!!
Referee Pat Bozzini: 1...2...3!!!
The crowd roars as "Battleflag" by Low Fidelity All Stars plays. The carcasses of Freddy Lopez, Dan Stein, and Lucifer Jones lay on the mat. Pat Bozzini begrudgingly hands Syberus the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 25 minutes 48 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...The Great SYBERUS!!!"
Phil Blauer: The Connection swerved us all and have reformed tonight here in Belfast, Northern Ireland.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Allen Anderson, Pat Bozzini, Tarrasque, The Army of the Corporate Accursed, Lucifer Jones, Roscoe Law, Freddy Lopez, and Adrian Tanner Jr. all made their presences known tonight, but in the end, Syberus climbs back up to the mountain and wins the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship again!
Syberus raises Adrian Tanner Jr.'s arm and soaks in the cheers. He then swings around and kicks Tanner in the stomach! The audience gasps and Syberus hits The Pure Confidence on Tanner!! Ulster Hall rocks with boos
Guillermo O'Bannon: No good deed goes unpunished with Syberus. Syberus once again uses manipulation and mind games to turn one side of the locker room against the other with him coming out with a belt in his hand.
The audience boos as "Pet" by A Perfect Circle plays and Syberus walks over and shakes Dan Stein's hand as he lies unconscious on the mat. Law pats Syberus' shoulder making him flinch. He sees it's Roscoe, and smiles. Roscoe hands him the Hardkore World Championship belt and he holds it up in the air] Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus regains his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and starts another war with Adrian Tanner Jr.
Phillip Blauer: Boy, was that convoluted. Did a guy cut an entire promo in the middle of the match? And who was that tall glass of handsome at the announce desk? Boy, they said my Mexican botox sessions were “medically inadvisable” back then but the proof is really in the pudding. Hardkore Director Danny Valentine Jr.? Can we run that back one more time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, we are not doing that.
Phillip Blauer: Why? Because you were doing that messy hair phase with all the product?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Yes! Anyway, Syberus used interference from, get ready: Lucifer Jones, Roscoe Law, Freddy Lopez, and Adrian Tanner Jr. to win that night. But tonight, he will be trapped in a cage with The Punisher, mano y mano.
The Chase Center darkens, and three heartbeats are heard. Three symbols flash, synchronized with the beats:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<a stylized DS logo>
The lights abruptly come on again as “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays over the PA. “The Punisher” Dan Stein makes his way to the ring area with his sunglasses on and scowl on his face and the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship is strapped around his waist
Guillermo O’Bannon: He came out here earlier and laid waste to Gavin Drake and “The Infamous” Onyx Brakker because he couldn’t wait to destroy Syberus any longer.
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man doesn’t like when we run heavy on time.
Dan Stein starts walking down to the ring, and no one dares pat his chest or back. A fan with a “Dan The Man” signs gets on camera
Yolanda Ando: “The Punisher” Dan Stein wears a black leather jacket, a plain black pair of pants, and a plain black t-shirt. He once used the skull of the ubiquitous Punisher but gave up the symbol completely after a trademark dispute. If you look closely at his forearms, you can see a very faint outline of what used to be skull tattoos he had removed several years ago.
Phillip Blauer: (squints) Oh yeah.
Yolanda Ando: He also uses a pair of black hand pads with the fingers torn out, and a pair of black combat boots. His elbow is wrapped. Stein brings a worn, taped up black club called the Peacemaker with him as well.
Guillermo O’Bannon:Thank you, Yolanda. He respects Syberus’ five Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship wins but he is here to protect Disney’s Marty Donovan and keep Syberus from ever becoming a six time champion.
Upon entering the steel cage, “The Punisher” Dan Stein thrusts up his trusty club, the Peacemaker, to the jeers of the crowd.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But don’t be fooled. This is personal for Dan. That loss at Irish Rage in Belfast 2007 is a scar he will always carry.
Phillip Blauer: Dan told me that even if he loses, Syberus will remember this match for the rest of his career.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He said that in the promo everyone else saw.
Phillip Blauer: He would have told me eventually.
Greg Jin: “The following Steel Cage Match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds; He Is One Half of the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…Dan The Man…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
The San Francisco fans boo, and Dan Stein whacks the steel cage with his Peacemaker staff
Then the lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens. "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the Chase Center erupts in a huge pop as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it Syberus emerges, his robe open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage with big Wayne Tanner Jr. walking out in a suit and cowboy hat
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus here in San Francisco for the first time since January of 2007 when he was at the old Cow Palace and successfully defended his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship over Lucifer Jones in January of 2007. In March of 2005, he was known as “Heavenly” Thomas Haven and teamed with AWS Man as The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a losing effort against The Cupcake Crew; Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira.
Phillip Blauer: I hope when I die, someone whispers in my ear what an AWS Man is.
Syberus takes a brief look around at the cheering crowd before heading down the ramp. Wayne Tanner Jr. shakes some hands at ringside while Syberus makes a beeline for the cage
Yolanda Ando: Syberus wears black trunks with gold laurel wreaths decorating the front and back. Five gold stars emblazon the rear also. He wears black knee pads and black boots, his boots depict Alexander and Darius respectively taken from the Alexander mosaic found in Pompeii. His wrists and palms are taped in white. To the ring, he wears a traditional full length wrestling robe, red with gold roses throughout..
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Syberus has said he was excited to see Dan Stein return to the West Coast. He said they’re not getting any younger, so this might be the last chance to beat each other up in a steel cage.
Once up the ring steps Syberus wipes his feet on the apron before stepping into the steel cage. He circles the ring for a second while Wayne Tanner Jr. presses the flesh with the ringside fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus says he’s going to pin Dan Stein and send a message to Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Disney’s Marty Donovan that he’s coming back for his title.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by tonight’s sponsor, he is The CEO of Tanner’s Tires, Wayne Tanner Jr.; He hails from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 220 pounds; The only Five Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion In History…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”
Syberus hops up in one corner and raising his fists in the air. Greg Jin exits the ring, while Dan Stein gives Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. his leather jacket, sunglasses, and The Peacemaker
Steel Cage Match
The Great Syberus vs. "The Punisher" Dan Stein
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell as Dan Stein and Syberus circle one another nervously
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus and Dan Stein lock up in a collar and elbow tie up. The stronger Stein forces Syberus into the corner.
Tommy Milligan calls for a break. Dan Stein smugly smiles and obliges, backing off. The fans boo
Phillip Blauer: Dan showing that he has Syberus’ number whenever he wants it.
A cautious Syberus comes out of the corner. He circles the ring again, and then locks up with Dan Stein again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock. He locks his hands together and tightens up on the skull of Stein.
Dan Stein attempts to push Syberus off, but Syberus hangs on to the headlock, popping the crowd. Stein reaches up and grabs the long blonde hair of Syberus, and the audience boos
Syberus: Come on, Tommy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus calling attention to the hair pull there.
Phillip Blauer: Baby.
Tommy Milligan forces Stein to let go of Syberus’ hair.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock. He locks his hands together and tightens up on the skull of Stein. Dan Stein grabs his foot, and then lifts Syberus up into a shinbreaker atomic drop.
Syberus plants his feet and flips Stein into a side headlock takedown
Syberus: YEAH!
The San Francisco audience applauds while Syberus tries to press Stein’s shoulders to the mat. Dan Stein holds him off initially, but Syberus does a bridge to pin The Punisher
…ONE!
…Dan Stein rolls to his side!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Their 2007 match in Northern Ireland wasn’t their first encounter. Dan Stein had defeated Syberus in their first encounter 19 years ago in Ring Syndicate: Australia back in 2004. In April of 2005, Syberus evened the score when he beat Dan Stein in Albuquerque. Syberus rolls Dan Stein back to his shoulders again in that headlock.
…ONE!
…Dan Stein rolls him into a cradle!
…ONE!
…Syberus kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus rolls Dan Stein over his shoulder into a snapmare. Stein rolls to his feet, and charges Syberus, but 110% Syberus catches him with a hip toss.
The fans cheer and Dan Stein kicks the bottom rope towards Wayne Tanner Jr. in frustration
Phillip Blauer: Steady, Dan. Steady. Be a Steely Dan.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein does not look happy.
Phillip Blauer: Would you be? He has to keep Syberus from getting to Marty, that’s alot of pressure!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein runs at Syberus who catches him with an arm drag. Another one!
The audience applauds. Dan Stein shakes out his taped up elbow. He bows up when Syberus tries to lock up again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Another collar and elbow and tie up. This time, Dan Stein shows off his raw power by tossing Syberus into corner!!
The cheers turn to jeers as a shaken Syberus seems a little unsure in the corner. Dan Stein does the downward muscle flex at Syberus and the boos get louder
Phillip Blauer: Dan is Grown Man Strong.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein runs in and rams his shoulder into Syberus’ stomach. He grabs the rope and rams his shoulder into Syberus’ abdomen again.
Dan Stein drives his shoulder into Syberus’ gut one more time knocking Syberus to the mat. Stein stomps Syberus in the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein with another stomp! He sticks his foot into Syberus’ throat, and starts choking him by just stepping on his windpipe.
Tommy Milligan lays in the five count, while Dan Stein chokes him with his boot in the corner. Dan Stein pulls him out a few steps and then applies an abdominal stretch
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein plants his foot, and uses that seven inch height advantage to put maximum pressure on that abdominal stretch.
The Chase Center boos. Stein cranks back on Syberus’ arm, twisting his stomach muscles that he just hammered with his shoulder earlier. Tommy Milligan checks in but Syberus shakes his head, refusing to give up
Phillip Blauer: The Human Torture Chamber, Dan Stein!
Guillermo O’Bannon: In January 2007, again, at the Cow Palace, Dan Stein won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship for the second time in a threeway between Dougie Ray Bullet and “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in January 2007.
Phillip Blauer: I miss Dougie.
Guillermo O’Bannon: We all do. Dan Stein reaches back and grabs the ropes for leverage!
Phillip Blauer: It’s a steel cage match, lighten up.
The boos get loud as Stein holds on to the top rope for leverage, and pulls back on Syberus’ hooked arm. Tommy Milligan finally notices Dan Stein holding on to the ropes. He points at a caught red handed Dan Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Busted!
Tommy Milligan punt kicks Dan Stein’s hand that’s holding the top rope, and Syberus flips him over into an ipponzei judo flip
Phillip Blauer: What is Tommy’s deal??
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus applies a crucifix armbar. He plants his feet into Stein’s head and armpit, and rows back on arm.
Stein cries out in pain, as Syberus pulls up on his injured arm. Tommy Milligan asks him, but Dan shakes his head. Wayne Tanner Jr. pounds on the mat. Syberus tries to get some air with his next whip on the crucifix armbar
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein now rolls to his feet with Syberus hanging onto that crucifix armbar. Dan now starts bending back Syberus’ fingers in a painful angle. Stein begins punching a prone Syberus with his free arm! Over and over, he whales on Syberus!
Dan Stein pulls Syberus up by the hair, and tosses him facefirst into the cage!! Syberus flops off the cage, and then rolls around the mat, clutching his face
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus is the first to taste the steel!
Phillip Blauer: The Ca…Ca…Ca…Cage…My H…H…H…Head!!
Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s ok, Phil.
A close up of Syberus shows his hand covering his face, with blood leaking through his fingers. The San Francisco crowd boos
Phillip Blauer: That’s for Belfast in ‘07.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein easily lifts Syberus up into a suplex, and then jumps up, before crashing down with the vertical suplex!
Syberus sits up with blood running down his face. Dan Stein pulls him up into a bearhug and Syberus cries out in agony, from the strength of Stein’s waistlock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein trying to squeeze the life out of Syberus. He readjusts and continues to constrict the breathing of the five time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.
Tommy Milligan checks Syberus’ arm, but he keeps it up. A bleeding Syberus punches Stein. A second punch loosens Dan’s bearhug
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus punches Stein between the eyes. He basement dropkicks Dan in the kneecaps!
The Chase Center cheers as Stein rolls around the mat, clutching his knee. He hobbles to his feet but Syberus catches him from behind with a russian leg sweep, using the momentum to roll on top of Dan Stein with his stomach over Stein’s face, restricting his breathing
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Dan Stein kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies a front facelock. He clamps his hands together and leans back on Stein’s head and neck.
Syberus shakes his head, trying to shake the blood out of his eyes. He cranks back on the front facelock some more
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein stands up and reverses the front facelock into an alabama slam!!
The audience boos as a bleeding Syberus sits up and then falls back down. Dan Stein pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein with a tiltawhirl backbreaker!
Syberus flops around the mat in pain, but Stein pulls him right back up to his feet and shoots him into the ropes again
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein twirls around into a discus clothesline that flips Syberus head over heels!
The San Francisco fans boo. Dan Stein lifts Syberus by his blonde hair stained pink by the blood. He tries to ram Syberus’ head into the cage but he blocks it with his boot
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Great Syberus smashes Stein’s face into the cage!!
The audience lets out a monster pop!! Syberus grabs Stein’s hair, and rams his head into the cage again. Blood starts running down Dan’s face
Phillip Blauer: Someone stop this! Dan’s got his camping model career to think of!
Guillermo O’Bannon: A bloody Syberus smashes Dan Stein’s head into the steel cage one more time!!
Dan Stein staggers around and Wayne Tanner Jr. is heard yelling “Hot Dang!” Syberus grabs him from behind and then tosses him through the top and second rope into the cage, facefirst. Stein’s head rocks back from the impact as the Bay Area fans applaud
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus rakes Dan Stein’s head back and forth across the chain link fence!! Just shredding Stein’s forehead across that steel cage!
Stein bleeds all down his face and chest. Syberus runs into the ropes and jumps onto Stein’s shoulders, smashing his face into the cage!! The Chase Center roars
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus puts his knees on Stein’s stomach, and then grinds his forearm across the laceration over Dan’s eye.
Syberus tries to get all of the blood out of it that he can by grinding that forearm into his cut. He then weaves Stein’s arm into his own with a ude garami keylock
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pushes down on Dan Stein’s wrist, putting pressure on his elbow, trying to hyperextend the joint. Stein trying to bridge his way out of it, but Syberus still torquing his shoulder with the ude garami.
Dan Stein scoots over to the ropes and hooks the bottom rope. Tommy Miligan forces a pink haired Syberus to release the ude garami. Syberus slides his elbow pad down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus with a Muscle Killer knee drop to Dan Stein’s bicep! Another one!
Dan Stein clutches his bicep, and kicks his toes into the mat in pain. Syberus pulls Dan Stein into the ropes and out to the apron by the cage
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus goes for a russian leg sweep into the cage, but Dan Stein back elbows him hard, sandwiching him into the cage!!
The San Francisco fans let out a collective “OH!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wow.
Phillip Blauer: Hoochie Mama.
Syberus is crumpled into a heap, clutching the back of his neck. Tommy Millgan checks in to see if Syberus wants to continue
Guillermo O’Bannon: That was a tremendous impact on the back of Syberus’ neck.
Phillip Blauer: I felt that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein undeterred, and pulls Syberus up to his feet, then military presses him up into the air!
The Chase Center boos, and a bleeding Stein walks around, effortlessly, with Syberus pressed over his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein lawn darts Syberus’ head into the cage!!
The fans let out another loud “OH!!” and Syberus bounces back into the ring. Syberus clutches the top of his head, as his legs flop on the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stein pulls a bloody Syberus up and rolls him around into a rude awakening!
A blood drenched Syberus sits up, clutching the back of his neck. Dan Stein lies on the mat, next to him, trying to catch his breath
Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Punisher” Dan Stein gut wrenches Syberus up onto his shoulders and drops down into a hangman’s neckbreaker!! Syberus looks to have injured his neck, and Dan Stein is zeroing in on that.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Phillip Blauer: That night in Belfast 15 years ago in 2007 is all coming flooding back to him right now.
The Chase Center rocks with boos as a tired Dan Stein gets to his feet, and then pulls Syberus up into a crotch-tie position. He looks at the camera and smiles as the jeering gets louder. Stein pulls him up by his crotch-tied arm into a pumphandle sit-out slam
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Reckoning!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The fans boo as Stein collapses to his side and “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays. Syberus holds the back of his neck and kicks his feet into the mat
Guillermo O’Bannon: Dan Stein evens the score from Irish Rage in Belfast 2007!
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 24 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH…’THE PUNISHER’ DAN STEIN!!!”
A blood drenched Dan Stein raises his arm up in victory as Tommy Milligan holds it up for him. Hardkore Medic David Valentine Jr. enters the ring to check on Syberus
Guillermo O’Bannon: The powerful bull Dan Stein sandwiched him into that cage and it was all downhill from there.
Phillip Blauer: Dan Stein has vanquished his greatest rival! Larry! Some champagne?
Larry Valentine Jr.: Uh, I’m in recovery, boss. I’m trying to get my visitation rights back and…
Phillip Blauer: I meant for me, obviously.
Larry Valentine Jr.: Right. Gotcha!
Dan Stein walks through the cage door with his arms in the air. Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr. hands him his Hardkore World Tag Team title belt, and Stein slings it over his shoulder. He starts walking back to the dressing room with Hardkore Security Larry Valentine Jr. shielding him from the fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Back in the ring, Syberus is now sitting up, which is good news.
David Valentine Jr. asks Syberus questions, then a concerned Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask enter the cage to help
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fans we need to go to break. We’ll be right back with the Hardkore West Coast Championship between Eron Hunter and Kilroy Evans. Don’t go away!
Fade back up on Guillermo and Phil
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up fans is one of the most anticipated Hardkore West Coast title matches in recent memory. Eron Hunter puts his title on the line against former Hardkore West Coast Champion Kilroy Evans.
Phillip Blauer: Now you know me, Garrison. I’m not a fan of either of these men. Especially the Oklahoman…
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s Kalmin Watts, this is Kilroy Evans.
Phillip Blauer: Oh.
Phil uncaps a sharpie and starts drawing lines through his prepared statement
"Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays and Kilroy walks out to a monster pop from the San Francisco fans. He walks to the ring at a relaxed pace, and takes a moment to hug a lady in the aisle wearing his old Miracle Violence Combination II t-shirt
Phillip Blauer: Oh, this guy? The guy who thinks it’s funny to steal intellectual property and let his girlfriend the donkey wear it? They might not have laws about that where he comes from, but in California, we treat our asses differently.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans was the longest reigning Hardkore West Coast Champion, for a record 17 months and 10 days. From August 27th, 2008 when he won it in from Poke the Clown in a thumbtacks match in LA to February 6th, in 2010 when he lost it to James Fierce in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He now looks to regain the title that he really made his own for over a year and a half, defending against all comers in some of the most violent matches in Hardkore World history, always coming out victorious. Eron Hunter watched those matches as a child and teen, and now puts that very title on the line against the legend.
Kilroy Evans slaps the fans hands on the way to the ring. He points to a sign that has Kilroy Evans dressed as Honkytonk Man that says “The Greatest Hardkore West Coast Champion Of All Time”. He notices Yolanda Ando.
Kilroy Evans: Hey, Yolanda! It’s great to see you back!
Yolanda Ando: It’s great to see you too, Kilroy! Guys? He’s wearing a black Penfold from Danger Mouse t-shirt with sneakers and jeans.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Yolanda. Kilroy is fresh off of losing the Hardkore World Tag Team titles to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and “High Roller” Wesley Crane in Las Vegas, but is trying to shake that off to try to win his old Hardkore West Coast Championship belt. He says he has been anticipating this match as the fan in him has always wanted to see this match since he first laid eyes on Eron Hunter when he wrestled as Lynx.
Phillip Blauer: Hold up. That’s Lynx??
Guillermo O’Bannon: We’ve been over this, Phil.
Kilroy Evans waves at Phil, but Phil just gives him the finger.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil!
Kilroy chuckles and enters the ring.
Phillip Blauer: I asked him a question and the guy ran out of there quicker than Moondog Dook on a family court date.
He checks to see how Greg Jin and Kelly O’Connell have been and then starts to look to the entrance area, pacing slowly and purposefully.
Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Kelly O’Connell. Featuring first, the challenger; Hailing from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 245 pounds; He is The Attbury Assassin…KILROY EVANS!!!”
The crowd nearly blows the roof of The Chase Center as Kilroy Evans continues to walk back and forth, waiting for Eron Hunter
“Long Walk Home” by Howl Trance plays and the San Francisco fans cheer loudl. Eron Hunter steps through the curtain with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship slung over the right arm and the Hardkore West Coast Championship strapped around his waist
Guillermo O’Bannon: Unlike his previous battles with The Sheik and Marty Donovan, Eron Hunter holds no ill will against Kilroy Evans. He grew up watching Kilroy and his tag team partner Andrew Karnage, dominate the tag team division as the Miracle Violence Combination II.
Phillip Blauer: And then that little boy grew up to be a smoker. So sad. You hate to see it, Garcelle.
Eron Hunter slaps the hands of his biggest fans as he walks down the aisle, locking eyes with Kilroy Evans, already in the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: They’ve wrestled in the finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team tournament at Irish Rage in Belfast 2022 but that was the night that Ruben Bowman turned on Eron Hunter and fed him to The Society of the New Breed. Tonight it’s one on one.
Eron Hunter gets up on the second rope and holds up his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship and his Hardkore West Coast Championship in his arms as he soaks in the roar of the San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter says they’re going to bring out the best in one another tonight, but when it’s all said and done, he will be the one standing victorious over his childhood idol.
Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Sicily; He Stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION and XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…ERON HUNTER!!!”
Huge ovation for the champion as he hands his belt to Hardkore Ring Crew Donnie Valentine Jr.
Hardkore West Coast Championship Match
Eron Hunter vs. Kilroy Evans
Kelly O’Connell calls for the bell as the match gets underway.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men are quick to come from their corner and circle one another looking for the ideal time to engage. The champion takes the initiative and locks up with Kilroy.
The two men jostle for position, Hunter’s leg moving backwards to try and guard against the power of his opponent.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy doesn’t get the memo and starts to push Eron back towards the ropes. Hunter drops down and manages to hook a waistlock before he’s pushed against the ropes.
A waistlock takedown attempt is blocked by the veteran, Hunter adjusts and hooks a leg around one of Evans and rolls forward. Eron Hunter pops up and lifts up the leg of his opponent before slamming it into the canvas.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter grabs a side headlock before the South Carolinian can react but its effects are only temporary before Kilroy rolls him over.
…ONE!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing his own power, Hunter uses his foot to get back to the side headlock. Hard to believe but this is Kilroy Evans first singles match in San Francisco. The last time he was here was in 2009. He was Hardkore West Coast Champion then, teaming with Poke the Clown in Why So Serious? in an unsuccessful attempt to win the Hardkore America Tag Team Titles from Legacy and Requiem, The Highlights of Humanity. In 2006, he teamed with Marty Donovan as The Mischief Express to beat Rated X and his son Kyle X in a match to determine the number one contender to the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions. In 2005, he defended the Hardkore World Tag Team titles with Andrew Karnage as the legendary Miracle Violence Combination II against Rally Jackson & Big Bad Bill.
Kilroy is quick to get to a knee and uses a burst of strength to get back to a vertical base. He leans into the ropes and pushes Hunter off
Guillermo O’Bannon: Drop down by Evans, Hunter comes off the ropes and looks for a spinning heel kick but it’s ducked by the veteran leaving the Sicilian to roll to his feet.
Eron Hunter charges back in and Evans throws a kick but it’s caught, and Hunter dragon screw legwhips him to the ground
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing great ring awareness, Eron keeps hold of the leg and spins around it. He lifts up the other leg and crosses it over. Hunter places a knee onto the knee of Evans but Kilroy cuts him off with an inside cradle!
…ONE!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans gets to his feet and charges like a Pamplona native, taking Hunter out with a huge clothesline!
Evans grabs the Hunter by the hair and pulls him to his feet. He irish whips him into the corner and follows him in with a huge boot to the head of Hunter!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy with a running bulldog from the corner that takes him down!
Eron rolls to the ropes to get some breathing space between him and his challenger but Kilroy remains on him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Clubbing forearms to the lower back of the champion by Kilroy Evans.
Kelly O’Connell immediately steps between the two men and asks Evans to take a step back which the veteran does so without question.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Evans pulls Hunter from the ropes with a huge german suplex!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter rolls his shoulder up
Kilroy once more lifts Eron to his feet with his hair and this time he throws an arm over his shoulder. He lifts him up for a suplex, Hunter fights the move and Evans has no choice but to set him down
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter fires an uppercut to gain control and this time he looks to lift Evans but Kilroy firmly plants his foot between those of Hunter. The dirty boxing is returned by Kilroy who grabs a hold of the arm and lifts him up. Eron drops down the back and hits an inverted DDT!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pops up, hops to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy gets to his feet but is met by a dropkick by Eron that sends him reeling back. The Hardkore West Coast Champion rushes forward and sends Evans into the corner with a european uppercut.
Eron Hunter rushes in and connects with a high leg lariat and swings his legs over the top rope to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: With Kilroy Evans dropped to the mat, Eron slingshots over into a front dropkick!
The San Francisco crowd pops for their West Coast Champion’s show of agility.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter pulls the two-time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion from the corner, and hooks a leg as O’Connell drops to the mat to make the count.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
The Chase Center gets a duelling chant going of “LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER! LET’S GO EVANS! WE LOVE HUNTER!”
Phillip Blauer: What a surprise, a San Francisco crowd can’t make up their mind as to who they like.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron picks up Kilroy and throws an arm over his shoulder. He hooks the leg and lifts him up into a fisherman’s buster!
Hunter keeps a bridge and O’Connell drops down once more
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kilroy Evans kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter rolls through with the leg still in his control and turns him over into a single leg boston crab!
Kelly O’Connell checks in but Kilroy Evans shakes his head. Hunter sits back on Kilroy’s leg, trying to hyperextend the knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Showing his years of experience, Kilroy pushes himself up and crawls on his hands quickly towards the ropes. Wise to the trick, Eron is equally swift in addressing his escapee problem. He stands up and drags his opponent back into the ring by the leg and promptly sits down in the boston crab position.
Kelly O’Connell is on the mat and asking Evans if he wants to give it up but the veteran shakes his head and continues to fight the hold. He pushes up once more but Eron adjusts the position before Kilroy can make it but a yard towards the ropes.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Inching closer towards safety, Kilroy digs his nails near into the mat as he pulls himself towards the ropes.
Phillip Blauer: Speaking of which, he needs to clean those nails. I’m sure there’s four different kinds of fast food cheese residue under those.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter is resting all his weight on Kilroy Evans’ lower back to try to counter the progress being made.
Kelly O’Connell is once more asking if Evans wants to throw in the towel on the match. With a defiant shake of the head the Society of the New Breed member lets O’Connell know not to ask again for a while
Phillip Blauer: Sexist. He wouldn’t say that to a male ref. Well, maybe Richie Richardson.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The ropes are now within touching distance, Kilroy reaches out to try to grab one but his fingers only graze against the ropes.
The crowd, still split, have nearly hit fever pitch as they cheer for their favorite. The cameras capture the look of intensity on Evans’ face, he continues to try and make up that vital inch between a potential loss and safety.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter turns his head to quickly check how close his opponent is and that’s all that’s needed. The hold slightly slacker, Kilroy lets out a roar as he lifts and pushes himself to the ropes!
Hunter breaks the hold and tries to remain on the offensive but Kilroy bundles him through the ropes to the apron.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron tries to get to his feet before Kilroy Evans can take advantage, but he’s too slow and a clubbing forearm rains down onto the top of his back. Kilroy hooks his arm and lifts him up in a suplex and stalls before dropping him on his head with a brainbuster!
The San Francisco fans are silenced by the move, Evans looks for the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter kicks out!
Phillip Blauer: Kilroy doesn’t even look to O’Connell for justification if he thought the count was slow. He knows.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Evans brings Eron’s head between his legs and grabs the waistband of his opponent up into a pulling piledriver, drilling his head into the mat!!
The crowd roars. Stalking Hunter, Evans waits patiently for the West Coast Champion to get to his feet. He hooks a ¾ facelock, looking for the Bad Touch but Hunter escapes into a tiger ‘85 suplex planting Kilroy on his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Looking over his shoulder, Eron measures his target. He leaps to the second turnbuckle, then to the top, then flips into a moonsault but Evans gets his knees up!!
Whilst Eron holds his ribs, Kilroy has now gotten back to his feet and once more he waits.
Guillermo O’Bannon: The Hardkore West Coast Champion Eron Hunter uses the ropes to get to his feet leaving Kilroy unsighted. Hunter grabs the top rope and leans over it to grab a rope break to get more oxygen back into his body. Kilroy pulls him from the ropes and applies his Watch Out For Snakes cobra clutch!!
The fans jump to their feet as Eron instinctively struggles for the ropes but Kilroy has it locked in with experience
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans bites the shoulder of Hunter’s outstretched arm to stop it from reaching out for the ropes!
Phillip Blauer: Now his shoulder has gingivitis!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans now in control, he drags Eron into the center of the ring. Hunter still reaches out with his hand, looking for an escape. The knee drops for Eron Hunter!
Kelly O’Connell is right there on hand to ask Eron if he wants to quit. The Sicilian waves her away as he continues to fight the hold. His outstretched arm nowhere near the ropes, Eron changes tact as he realizes the severity of his predicament.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron tries to bend down to grab a leg but the heavier Evans bears his weight down onto Hunter. Using his in-ring wiles, Kilroy pushes his boot against the back of Eron’s knee, taking him further down towards the mat.
O’Connell is already asking Hunter once more if he’d like to quit but Eron remains firm in his stance. Evans now leans over his opponent, making him carry his weight as he battles the Cobra Clutch. The Chase Center chants “LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP* LET’S GO HUNTER! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell lifts Hunter’s arm and drops it…but he clenches his fist to keep it from dropping all the way!
With a guttural roar, Eron starts to make his way back to a vertical base. He powers up to a knee as the San Francisco crowd cheers in approval.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Trying to make the extra forty pounds of weight do the hard work, Evans makes him carry the weight but Hunter pushes up and gets closer to the ropes. He reaches out and his fingertips cause the top rope to visually move but he can’t close his fingers around it. Evans tries to turn him away from the ropes but Eron thinks quickly and kicks off from the turnbuckle backwards into a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR- Kilroy Evans escapes the pin!
The noise inside the Chase Center hits a crescendo as both men get to their feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans throws a punch but Eron ducks it and counters with a huge saito suplex!
Eron Hunter climbs between the ropes and raises an arm to the fans. Kilroy Evans gets to his feet, and Eron Hunter hits him between the eyes with a springboard high knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: Not content with going for the cover, Eron Hunter pulls Evans to his feet and hooks a front facelock. Hunter swings round to push off the top rope, but Kilroy catches him before he plants the satellite DDT and deadlift northern lights suplexes him with a bridge!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Eron Hunter gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron gets to his feet but Evans hooks his arms, and then batters him in the face with headbutts, rocking him.
Kilroy smells blood as he releases Hunter, who staggers back. He wraps a waistlock around Eron, but Eron escapes round the back
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron Hunter with the snap dragon suplex!
Once more, the Sicilian climbs through the ropes and this time he lets the crowd know that it’s the big one
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hunter leaps but Kilroy rolls out of the way of the springboard lariat! Hunter rolls through straight into the Watch Out For Snakes in the center of the ring!!
The crowd leaps to their feet! Evans bites down hard on the shoulder as he pushes his weight down onto Hunter
Phillip Blauer: At least bite a different shoulder! Even it out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron fights to stay on his feet but he finds himself on the losing side of the equation as he battles. Kelly O’Connell checks on him as his legs start to buckle.
Kilroy bites the shoulder once more and Hunter’s knee gives way. A “DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T GIVE UP!” chant starts and Hunter continues to fight but he’s not resisting as hard as he wants to/ The cameras show a triumphant looking Kilroy.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Watch Out For Snakes is locked in! Kilroy pulls back on Hunter’s wrist, putting pressure on the back of his neck. He takes it further as he tightens the grip around Hunter’s neck.
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Hunter uses his planted foot to try to leap towards the ropes and makes some progress. The crowd is pleading for Hunter to grab the top rope but it remains out of reach, taunting him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Eron manages to steal a march to the ropes and staggers to the ropes, still in the hold. Kilroy Evans places himself between Hunter and the ropes!
Half of the Chase Center is deafened as Kilroy once more leans forward. He cranks the Cobra Clutch tighter still.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Kelly O’Connell lifts Eron Hunter’s arm and it drops! She’s seen enough and calls for the bell!!
The crowd roars as the bell rings and Kilroy Evans releases Watch Out For Snakes and celebrates! "Greenhorn Forest" by GaMetal plays as Kelly O’Connell hands Kilroy Evans his Hardkore West Coast Championship back
Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 38 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION…KILROY EVANS!!!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s done it! He’s won back the Hardkore West Coast Championship that he held for 17 months!
Phillip Blauer: If he holds it for that long again I’m gonna see if I can be a dipstick man at Reedy Creek Racing.
Kilroy Evans straps the Hardkore West Coast title around his waist and jumps up to the second turnbuckle. The crowd chants “KILROY! KILROY! KILROY!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two put on an excellent wrestling match, and it could have gone either way, but Kilroy was able to get that Watch Out For Snakes applied at just the right time, and put the lights out for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion.
Eron Hunter is waiting for him when Kilroy descends the turnbuckles with his arm out stretched. Kilroy shakes it and the audience roars. Kilroy raises Hunter’s arm
Guillermo O’Bannon: What a class act! Fans, don’t go away we have the Hardkore World Heavyweight title match coming right up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up is our main event of the evening. At Hardkore Helloween 2022, “High Roller” Wesley Crane lasted over an hour of barbed wire brutality to win that Cup, cement his place in history, and get a shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. One problem. The Champion is his stablemate in The Anointed.
Phillip Blauer: Look, The Beatles had squabbles like this and made some of their best music in that time. In this scenario, I’m obviously Davy Jones.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has been pretty loose with In The Face’s around Marty lately, and tonight we see how big an accident they have been. Can The Anointed stay a house undivided with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line?
"I'm So Paid" by Akon plays and The Chase Center lights turn plum purple
Phillip Blauer: Yes?
Guillermo O’Bannon: It was rhetorical, Phil
The house lights begin pulsing with the beat of “I’m So Paid”.
“Rubbing on that Italian leather
'Dem Konvict jeans on!
Ay yo Weezy! You Ready, yeah!
I get it in 'till sunrise
Doing ninety in a sixty five
Windows rolled down screaming ah!
Hey-ey-ey' I'm so paid
Number one hustla' gettin' money
Why do you wanna count my money
I'm a hustla' and I don't need them!
One of them y'all see! I'm so paid”
The lights go back to normal and out steps “The High Roller” Wesley Crane with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship wrapped around his waist to a mixed reaction from the San Francisco fans
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane has to figure out real quick whether Marty Donovan is looking out for him, or looking to manipulate him.
Phillip Blauer: Pish posh. Marty is an excellent mentor. Wes losing tonight will do wonders for his training.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I see you’re firmly in the camp of Marty.
Phillip Blauer: There’s no camps. This is an in-house competition within The Anointed. And if there were camps, I would go with the one that got me a three season deal on Costa Pacifica and not the guy that told me to bet the Vikings over the Giants on Wild Card weekend.
“High Roller” Wesley Crane stands on the stage and looks around at everyone fans hold up signs with that have The Anointed’s logo but it says The Disjointed, and one that says “Marty Can’t Bluff A High Roller”. He lowers his aviator sunglasses and gives everyone a cocky grin.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane says he doesn’t care about their friendship from the opening bell to the closing one. It appears some of Marty’s promo got to him.
Phillip Blauer: Don’t go causing dissension, Billy Bush. All of that promo was in good, healthy, clean fun.
Wesley Crane slowly makes his way to the ring, the entire time looking around at the fans, some of whom are cheering him
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is in the main event of The Battle of Los Angeles, in a match for the Wrestle: UK Commonwealth Championship against champion Billy Fowler. That match should be a good one.
Phillip Blauer: The Anointed have a chance to be champions of both participants of the winning side of the French and Indian War. How about that?
Guillermo O’Bannon: But tonight he has a chance to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, a title that goes back to 1989.
Once ringside Wesley Crane climbs up the steps and holds onto the ring ropes. He wipes his feet off on the ring apron before entering the ring. Once inside he stands in the center of the ring and holds his arms wide open
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley says he’s the real deal, while Marty Donovan is the fake. Marty complains about things, while Crane just does them. The idea that Marty insinuated they should change his finisher’s name to the Dis-Knee Junior seemed to really get into his craw.
Phillip Blauer: I thought that too. But then again, I’m very intuitive when it comes to craws.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has done everything he can to delay this match, but here Crane is, standing in front of him, challenging for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
“When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays and after a few moments, “The Punisher” Dan Sten walks out with the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship strapped around his waist and some medical gauze taped to his forehead. He looks around and makes sure it’s safe before waving Marty Donovan out dressed as Ant Man with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship strapped around his waist. Donovan seems to walk with a small limp
Phillip Blauer: Disney would like to remind you that “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania” is premiering February 17th.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan still feeling the effects of having his knee slammed in a door at XHF Supremacy in Denver, Colorado in a Denny’s Parking Lot Brawl with Bloodied Fox where he was victorious.
Phillip Blauer: Like any true champion, he’s playing hurt. Gutting it out. Look at him, what a triumph of the human spirit.
Marty Donovan ignores the booing fans as they press middle fingers into his face and toss soda cups at him. A fan gets on camera holding an “I’m A Smarty” sign. Dan Stein admonishes Hardkore Security Larry Valentine for his lax protection
Phillip Blauer: Larry’s going to take that pretty hard. Dan is like a father figure to him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan has a match at The Battle of Los Angeles with Wrestle: UK’s Spike Kane in another Reedy Creek Rules match, like the one he had with Natalie Burrows at Palm Springs Punishment 2022. But tonight he puts his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on the line against his protege, Wesley Crane.
Dan Stein steps through the ropes, and backs off Tommy Milligan and Greg Jin. Wesley Crane watches from his corner. Marty Donovan gets into the ring, and puts his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship on his shoulder. He steps up to the second turnbuckle and soaks in the boos of the San Francisco crowd
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan has tried to discredit Wesley Crane’s 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup win, saying he won it during a year where it wasn’t so much of a tournament.
Phillip Blauer: And he gave Wesley plenty of opportunity to reschedule this match. You can lead a horse to water…
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty has tried everything he can to avoid this match, and none of it has worked. He is in the ring with Wesley Crane!
The bell rings and a spotlight hits Greg Jin in the center of the ring
Greg Jin: “The following match is our Main Event of the evening! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, the challenger. He is from Syracuse, New York; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 223 pounds; He is One Half of the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…“THE HIGH ROLLER” WESLEY CRANE!!!”
He gets some cheers and boos. “The Punisher” Dan Stein pats Marty on the shoulder in anticipation for his introduction
Greg Jin: “His opponent is accompanied to the ring by “The Punisher” Dan Stein; He hails from The Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 218 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!!”
The Chase Center rocks with boos as Marty raises his arms
Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Match
Disney's Marty Donovan vs. "High Roller" Wesley Crane
Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and the two circle one another and then pause. Marty puts his hand out for Wesley to shake. The fans buzz with anticipation
Phillip Blauer: Here we go, these two looking to have a good, clean, fair match. You’re not gonna see anywhere else!
Wesley Crane looks unsure but shakes Marty’s hand and nothing happens. Marty makes a magnanimous bow and the crowd boos
Phillip Blauer: These people despise sportsmanship!
Guillermo O’Bannon: I don’t think that’s true. Marty goes to lock up, but Wesley is waiting for him with a punch to the nose!
Phillip Blauer: Hey!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane lighting up the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion with lefts and rights, and Marty doesn’t know what to do!
Phillip Blauer: Get out of there, Marty!
Marty falls through the second and top rope to the floor, and then smacks the apron in frustration. He limps back and forth in frustration. “The Punisher” Dan Stein comes over to help Marty collect his thoughts while Crane motions for him to get into the ring and fight
Guillermo O’Bannon: This is not the scientific encounter Marty was expecting.
Phillip Blauer: That’s right, no one told us!
Dan Stein whispers something into Marty’s ear, and Donovan nods then tries to get back into the ring
Marty Donovan: Get him back, Tommy!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan enters the ring cautiously and puts up his dukes. Wesley Crane pops him with a jab, and Marty tries to counter with a kick, but Crane catches his leg. Donovan swings around with an enzuigiri!
The fans boo as Marty is on his hands and knees with a big smile on his face
Phillip Blauer: Dan The Man always ready with the good advice!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips Crane into the ropes and takes him out with a slingblade!
Donovan irish whips Crane into the turnbuckles and follows him in half a step behind with a corner dropkick! The audience lets out a collective “OH!”
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan sweeps his leg out, so that Crane falls to the mat in the corner. He steps out onto the apron, and then slingshots himself over the ropes into a basement dropkick!
The crowd boos and Marty pulls Crane out of the corner, but Wesley drops to his knees into a jawbreaker, shooting the top of his head through Wesley’s chin. Donovan twirls around the ring in pain
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane lifts Marty Donovan up for a suplex, but then drops him straight down into a brainbuster!
Wesley Crane holds on to the ropes and then stomps Donovan a few times. He pulls Marty up and irish whips him into the ropes
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan comes back with a rolling wheel kick! He grabs Crane’s leg and drops down into a leg scissors cross kneelock.
Donovan rows back on Crane’s trapped leg, putting pressure on the kneecap. Tommy Milligan checks in to make sure Crane doesn’t want to give up
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty arches his back on the leg scissors, trying to hyperextend his knee. The last time Marty was here in San Francisco was at the old Cow Palace in January of 2009, when he won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship from “Platinum” Pat Bozzini in a steel cage match with a little help from Syberus and Rally Jackson. Two years earlier, in January of 2007, Marty teamed with Kilroy Evans as The Mischief Express to beat Rated X and his son, Kyle X and become number one contenders to the Hardkore World Tag Team titles.
Phillip Blauer: Kyle X was too gentle a boy for this business.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane is finally able to reach over and grab the bottom rope.
Tommy Milligan lays in the count and Marty reluctantly releases the leg scissors cross knee lock. He stomps him one last time for good measure, and then limps a little more, trying to work out his knee
Guillermo O’Bannon: That wasn’t very stablematey.
Phillip Blauer: Tensions run high in the squared circle, Gina. You wouldn’t know anything about that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: You were in two house show matches and The Dutch Express nearly killed you.
Phillip Blauer: Banned from the sport they should be! Banned!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan hammerlocks his arm, crossfaces his neck and lifts him up by the wrist, and then down onto his elbow with a gloria!!
…ONE!
…Wesley Crane gets his shoulder up!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan irish whips him but Crane reverses it and shoots Marty into the turnbuckles chest first! Donovan back pedals out and isn’t ready for a running european uppercut from the High Roller!
The Chase Center cheers! Wesley Crane pulls him up quickly and irish whips him back into the corner
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane running knees Donovan in the stomach! He climbs up to the second turnbuckle and starts raining punches down on Marty!
The audience counts along as Donovan’s head bounces with each blow. Wesley Crane gets to nine, and then hesitates. He smiles at the camera, and cocks his fist back real far
Phillip Blauer: No! Wesley, don’t do it!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan grabs Crane’s legs and walks him out to the center of the ring with an inverted atomic drop. He grabs Wesley in a front facelock and twists him into a corkscrew neckbreaker.
Marty Donovan converts it immediately into a pluma blanca armbar headscissors. Wesley Crane stomps his heels into the mat in pain, trying to escape. Tommy Milligan asks him if he wants to submit, but Crane shakes his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan clamps down on Crane’s head with his legs, while trying to pull his arm out of it’s socket.
“The Punisher” Dan Stein applauds on the outside
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ah-ah-choo!
Phillip Blauer: What was that? Was that a little kitten sneeze?
Guillermo O’Bannon: Hmm? No. It was a regular man’s sneeze.
Phillip Blauer: That was no man’s sneeze. That was the sneeze you get when a flower petal lands on your nose when you’re dozing in a meadow with the other kittens.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Can we not make a big deal out of it? Wesley Crane rolls over and is able to hook his feet around the bottom rope, and Tommy Milligan makes Marty release the pluma blanca.
Marty Donovan pulls him up into a front facelock, but Wesley Crane plants his feet and lifts him onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane runs Marty Donovan into the center of the ring with a death valley driver!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane hits the ropes and takes out Marty with double knees to the face!
Wesley Crane pulls him up into another suplex, and then drops him into a brainbuster! He rolls his hips and pulls him up into another brainbuster
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane pulls Marty up into a third brainbuster, but Marty floats over onto his feet behind him, then grabs him with a reverse hurricanrana!!
Phillip Blauer: These two have each other so well scouted, they have teamed together and know one another backwards and sidewards.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan lifts him up into a fireman’s carry and then drops his neck across his knee in an ushiGoroshi!!
The San Francisco fans boo. Crane sits up, holding the back of his neck and Marty pushes him back down and makes the cover
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Wesley Crane kicks out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donovan double underhooks Crane’s arms and applies Syberus’ Butterfly Lock, that he calls…
Phillip Blauer: The Blue Moon! What in the devil is a Butterfly Lock? Doesn’t even make any sense.
Guillermo O’Bannon: After the pluma blanca, Marty continues to wear down Crane’s shoulder. Donovan locks his hands together and leans back…
Phillip Blauer: Butterflies don’t even have arms!
Tommy Milligan checks in but Wesley Crane refuses to give up. Marty leans down, trying to put pressure on Crane’s neck and back as well
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane powers his way back up to his feet and back body drops Donovan over his shoulder. Crane lays Donovan out with a big right hand!
The fans cheer as Crane shakes some feeling back into his left arm. Donovan pulls himself up by the ropes and Crane’s eyes get big
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane comes in hot but Donovan pulls the top rope down and Crane goes over and falls awkwardly on the Chase Center floor!!
Phillip Blauer: That was an accident. Someone should be checking on Marty. Get in there, Tommy!
Marty says something to “The Punisher” Dan Stein and then limps out to the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan hops onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsalt reverse DDT on the floor!! Reedy Creek Racing!
The audience jeers while Dan Stein cheers at ringside. Both men lie out near the aisleway, trying to catch their breath
Phillip Blauer: His racing team Reedy Creek Racing recently won The Athletic Cup in CAR Auto Racing. Everything he touches is gold!
Dan Stein helps Donovan to his feet. The Chase Center starts chanting “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” Dan Stein covers Marty’s ear as he looks on in a mix of panic and confusion
Phillip Blauer: We need these people documented by Disney legal. They need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and possibly farther.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Disney’s Marty Donvan climbs back into the ring. He hits the ropes and then jumps onto the middle of the top rope. Marty jumps off with a springboard tornado DDT but Wesley Crane reverses it into a spinebuster on the concrete!! You could hear the thickening splat from here!
The audience leaps to their feet! Wesley Crane lies next to Donovan, unable to capitalize
Phillip Blauer: I hope Dan The Man knows when to step in here.
Guillermo O’Bannon: He better not. Wesley Crane rolls Donovan up onto to the apron and gets up there with him. Crane grabs him around the neck and flips Donovan off the apron to the floor with an exploder suplex!!
The crowd pops and Donovan sits up, screaming in pain. Marty uses the railing to pull himself up to his feet
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan turns around into a spear by Wesley Crane, sandwiching him into the guardrail!!
The fans let out a huge “OH!!” at the sound of Donovan hitting the steel. Donovan slumps against the security barrier
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane superkicks Marty Donovan over the railing into the front row!!
The audience roars as Donovan is laid out in the laps of two female fans. Wesley Crane steps over the railing into the crowd
Phillip Blauer: Those two ladies better respect Marty’s body autonomy. He is still a human being, people have to respect that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane grabs Donovan’s head in a front facelock and stands up on the seat of one of the front row chairs. Crane jumps off with a tornado DDT out in the crowd!!
Marty Donovan tries to crawl away from Wesley Crane on his hands and knees, through the beer cups and nachos remnants. Crane grabs him by the back of his trunks and Donovan’s eyes bug out with fear
Phillip Blauer: Marty needs a time out!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane pulls him up and smashes him with a few hard right hands, and then cracks him with a haymaker that knocks him over the railing back into the ringside area!
Wesley Crane jumps over the railing and goes under the apron. He pulls out a table and the audience lets out a thunderous roar
Phillip Blauer: No, no, no. Wes, this isn’t what teammates do!
Crane rolls Donovan onto the table, and climbs up to the apron. Wesley Crane climbs to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane with a flying elbow off the top turnbuckle through the table on the floor!!
Huge pop from the San Francisco fans as Wesley Crane lies on top of Marty Donovan in that former table
Phillip Blauer: Well, he’s made his decision. That blasted title is worth more to him than The Anointed!
Wesley Crane struggles to get to his feet, while Dan Stein tries to wake Marty up. Crane finally gets to his feet and pulls Marty away from Stein
Guillermo O’Bannon: Crane rolls him into the ring and applies a dragon sleeper! He locks his hands together and leans back, bending Donovan’s head and neck backwards at a very painful angle.
Tommy Milligan checks in to see if he wants to tap out but gets no answer from Marty
Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”
Phillip Blauer: Marty might be out. He’s a gentleman combatant and doesn’t train with tables and such barbary.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan tests Marty’s arm but he keeps it up! Wesley Crane pulls him up into a standing version of the dragon sleeper. He pulls him up into an inverted suplex, but Marty lands behind him in an inverted facelock of his own! Donovan lifts him up into a reverse suplex and then drops him on his knee!!
The crowd boos. Wesley Crane sits up in pain, and then Marty comes off the ropes with a basement dropkick to the back of his head
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan irish whips Crane into the ropes and catches him with a frankenstiener!!
“The Punisher” Dan Stein applauds as Marty Donovan limps up to the top turnbuckle
Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan flips off the top turnbuckle with the Ode to Romero 450 splash but Wesley Crane puts his knees up!!
The Chase Center erupts! Marty holds his stomach, while Dan Stein pounds on the apron
Guillermo O’Bannon: “High Roller” Wesley Crane butterflies Marty’s arms and drills his head into the mat with a double underhook DDT!
Crane motions for Marty to get up, as Donovan tries to find the strength to. When he finally does, Crane drops him with a diamond cutter
Guillermo O’Bannon: The HRKO!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan gets his foot on the bottom rope
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wesley Crane shoots Donovan into the ropes, and comes at him with the In The Face v-trigger but Marty spins out of it, hits the opposite ropes, and Wesley Crane turns around into the Dis-Knee v-trigger!!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The air goes out of The Chase Center as Marty Donovan rolls off of Wesley Crane with his arm weakly raised in the air. “When You Wish Upon A Star” by Jiminy Cricket plays but is drowned out by the boos
Greg Jin: “At 23 minutes 11 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…’DISNEY’S MARTY DONOVAN!!!”
Phillip Blauer: If there was any question about the dominance of The Anointed, someone should take a look at this match and watch the exhibition of athletic excellence that they just put on here tonight.
Guillermo O’Bannon: True, but what is left of The Anointed after these two, and three, if you count Dan…
Phillip Blauer: You always have to count Dan The Man.
Guillermo O’Bannon: …have been in a tense situation brought on by Wesley Crane winning the 2022 Hardkore Helloween Cup.
“The Punisher” Dan Stein helps Marty to his feet as he holds the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship high over his head. Wesley Crane is sitting in the corner, contemplating his next move
Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan standing triumphant and…Wesley Crane is now back to his feet and staring at Marty!
The fans start cheering as Marty’s eyes bug out of his head. Wesley Crane walks right up to Marty and small chants of “WESLEY!! WESLEY!! WESLEY!!” start all over The Chase Center
Phillip Blauer: Don’t do it, Wes! Think of our group dynamic!
Wesley Crane hugs a shocked Marty Donovan and the Chase Center rocks with boos. A relieved Marty Donovan hugs him back, and Dan Stein brings it in for a group hug
Guillermo O’Bannon: Oh, you’re kidding me!
Phillip Blauer: The Anointed survives the biggest threat to their existance!
The fans chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” as The Anointed continue to hug in the center of the ring
Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, fans you have to join us in Portland as we return to the Pacific Northwest for the first time since 2012! See you there!
