GUN Show s4e4: Valentine’s Day

[Venom 🕷]

Early today before the crowds have gathered.

You know they got wrestling bears here….”

The voice of Tuff Collins is heard as we cut to view a segment from earlier that day. Tuff walked through the empty area flanked by his son and current TAPOUT Wrestling star; Close Collins and his friend Hermes. Both students from the Dojo of the Sandwich turn and look at each other in shock.

Tuff Collins: Yup. Dem bears don’t do any jobs and they won’t sell your shit. Dey don’t wait for the bell eithah. Just jump out and bite ya head off.

Close smiles at Hermes.

Close Collins: Cooool.

Close keeps walking, completely mesmerized by being backstage at The Gun Show. Hermes stands back, a bit shook, and he glances around looking for any sneaking bears. He runs to catch up.

Just then Magnus comes walking up and greets Tuff with a handshake.

Magnus: Tuff Collins! I haven’t seen you since I was a full time wrestler back in the day. Did you ever get that wrestling career off the ground?

Tuff sighs.

Tuff Collins: Nah. Wasn’t meant to be for me. But I wanted to thank ya for letting me and the boys come up and rub elbows with some stars. Closey here is wrestling over in TAPOUT. All this information is just great for him, Mags.

Close steps forward.

Close Collins: Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Magnus.

Hermes nodded in agreement and both boys gave a respectful bow of their heads.

Magnus: Wow. No one has ever bowed to me. I invited a few of the new kids from TAPOUT over and you guys have been the most respectful.

Magnus bowed back and then glanced at his watch.

Magnus: Well we still have a while before the show starts. Would you guys want to get in the ring and roll around a little bit? I’m not as limber as I used to be, but I got a few tips I’d be happy to give ya.

Close and Hermes light up with excitement!

Close Collins: Absolutely!

Magnus: Cool! Tell you what, how about you guys get in the ring and stretch out a bit and I’ll go get my gear.

Close and Hermes run into the ring in excitement as Magnus and Tuff walk off reminiscing about old times.

BOOM! BANG! POP!

Pyro goes off inside the GUNS Arena in Atlanta, GA as we kick off another episode of the Gun Show! The crowd is hot as we pan around the arena. We see signs that read “Phillips owes me child support,” “I like Venom better when he possesses Wombat,” and “Blobby is daddy” whatever that means. We scroll through the screaming crowd until we stop on our announcers, part owner Magnus and Tom Phillips who does not look pleased after seeing the sign on his monitor.

Magnus: Hello and welcome to hot new Gun Show!
Phillips: I don’t care what that sign says, Billie Jean was not my lover.
Phillips: We don’t have one, but TWO global championships on the line tonight.
Phillips: She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one.
Magnus: We also have TWO guns branded titles on the line.
Phillips: But the kid is not my son.
Magnus: We will also have an update on Goldbear II’s condition after the brutal match with Curtis Kanyon may he rest in peace.
Phillips: She says that… wait. He didn’t die.
Magnus: Oh. Well we’re kicking it off with the GUNS Tag Team Championships!

Venom and James Mueller are already in the ring waiting on their opponents when the lights go dim and a voice plays over the PA.

“You’ve invited all these indy darlings back, but it took you this long to invite us? Just for the disrespect we’re taking those titles. Tell ‘em our motto partner.”

“FUCK MONEY!”

Jayden Smith’s “Icon” begins to play as the indy darling team of Jake Emerald and Barrett Bobby walk out onto stage, the nICONS. They taunt the crowd as they make their way to the ring.

Magnus: Oh man the nICONS are back!
Phillips: Who?
Magnus: The nICONS. They’re one of the biggest tag teams and stables in the scene.
Phillips: Never heard of them.
Magnus: You wouldn’t. You’re too sheltered to the main stream to know Jake Emerald, Barrett Bobby, Jay Short, or Bread Swann.
Phillips: You made that last name up didn’t you?
Magnus: Nope! Real name and real threat to the GUNS here tonight.

GUNS Tag Team Championship Match
GUNS (c) vs the nICONS

Jake and Venom start off the match for their respective teams and they lock up in the center of the ring. They jockey back-and forth but come to a stalemate and release. They lock up again and release. They go for a third, but Jake grabs Venom by the arm and whips him to the ropes. Venom bounces off and comes back. Jake lowers his head and Venom leaps over. Venom hits the ropes on the other side and comes back towards Jake who goes to grab him, but Venom slides under his legs and shoves Jake in the back causing him to fall to the ropes and bounce off himself. Venom drops down for the trip, but Jake hops over and heads to the ropes. Jake bounces off and comes back, Venom pops Jake up upon return and goes for the power bomb, but Jake uses his momentum to turn it into a rana attempt, but Venom flips and lands on his feet. The crowd pops at the athleticism from both as both move to their corner and tag in their partners.

Magnus: Amazing from both men.
Phillips: It sure is something how evenly matched these two are.

Mueller and Bobby charge into the ring and meet in the center. They jaw Jack at each other getting in each others face until Mueller delivers a European uppercut. Bobby stumbles back and then strikes back with a stiff forearm shot. Mueller eats the shot and strikes back with another European uppercut. Bobby stumbles back and hits the ropes, and uses the momentum to strike back with another stiff forearm shot. Mueller eats it again, but Bobby strikes again, and again, and again until he has Mueller in the ropes. Bobby strikes again with a huge chop to the chest. Bobby then grabs Mueller by the wrist and goes to whip him across the ring, but Muller reverses and sends Bobby into the ropes. Jake makes the blind tag as Bobby hits the ropes. Bobby bounces off and runs right into a huge big boot from Mueller. Mueller taunts the crowd, but when he turns he’s nailed by a shotgun drop kick from Jake off the top rope.

Magnus: Just when GUNS again the advantage the nICONS turn it back around.
Phillips: No one can seem to get an advantage, but it’s still early.

Mueller stumbles into the ropes and Jake charges at him and leaps and nails Mueller with a high knee against the ropes. Mueller falls to a seated position after the shot and Jake turns and runs across the ring. He bounces off and Venom reaches over and tags Mueller’s hand on the second rope. Jake charges and nails Mueller with a running knee. Jake grabs Mueller by the legs after the shot and pulls him away from the ropes. Jake drops down to make the cover, but Venom flies off the top rope with a frog splash!

Phillips: Venom with the big save.
Magnus: Mueller wasn’t the legal man, but that move just switched momentum, again!

Venom pops back up to his feet and stalks Jake as he stumbles to the ropes. Mueller rolls out to the apron as Jake grabs the top rope to keep himself steady. Venom moves in behind Jake and hooks him up with a full Nelson. Venom suplexes Jake back with a Scorpion Plex with the bridge! The ref drops and makes the count. Bobby crawls in the ring and dives, but he’s too late!
Winners and STILL GUNS Tag Team Champions: The Guns

Magnus: And the Guns do it again.
Phillips: With the Borgs in the AFTERWARD and Off the Wagon back in Japan permanently how long before they clash with the Crinkly Bottom Boys.
Magnus: All in due time. While we get ready for the next match let’s show footage of a visitor we had earlier today.

We cut to earlier today where we find someone walking the halls of the GUNS Arena who does not belong, Javier Nunez. The manager of the missing El Combatiente walks the hall until he reaches the door he’s been looking for. He stops and takes a long breath before knocking on the door and entering. The camera follows Javier in as he approaches the desk of GUNS founder Venom. Venom looks at the man who manages the man who’s career he ruined and he says.

Venom: I never imagined you’d walk into my office after you and your client have drug my name through the mud since you two reappeared on the Network.

Javier: Yeah, I never thought I’d be here either, but I need your help.

Venom: What? Why would I help you?

Javier: Because your little stunt nearly ruined my client. Because you want to clear your name. Most of all, because you owe me one.

Venom: Fine, what do you need?

Javier: My client has been missing since the fire in Japan. He’s not in the building rubble. His body is not in the morgue. I hope he’s in the hospital somewhere, but I haven’t been able to locate him.

Venom: So what do you need me to do? Use my wealth to help you search?

Javier: No. I need you to put on the mask.

Javier reaches in his jacket and produces one of his clients masks and tosses it on Venom’s desk.

Venom: What?

Javier: If he doesn’t shot up to his bookings he doesn’t get paid. I don’t get paid. His bills won’t get paid. The gym would have to close. I can’t let that happen. I need you.[/b][/i]

Venom puts his hand on his chin thinking and replies.

Venom: I’ll get back to you.

Javier sighs and reaches down to grab the mask, but Venom puts his hand on top of it to stop him.

Venom: Leave the mask.

Javier removes his hand from the mask and we cut back to ringside.

Phillips: Wow. Did Javier just ask Venom to be El Combatiente?
Magnus: It sure seems like it, but we don’t even have time to unpack this. We’ve got another match!
Phillips: And it’s a big one, the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship is on the line.

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOWL”

“All rise fore the king of all wolves now arrives.”

The voice of James Earl Mother Fucking Jones echos over the speakers. How did he get James Earl Jones to say that? It wasn’t a Cameo I’ll tell you that and it cost a pretty penny. Shortly after James Earl Jones speaks Big Sean’s “Wolves” begins to play. El Rey strolls onto the stage wearing the mask he stole off of the head of El Combatiente. He looks around soaking up there surroundings before ripping the mask off of his head and revealing his cocky smirk he inherited from his father. He strolls down the ramp ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans until he reaches the ring. At ringside he leaps up onto the apron and then over the ropes and spins around in the ring with his arms outstretched. He spins around a couple times and then moves to the corner waiting for the match to begin.

Phillips: El Rey has already brought us the X*Crown once and now he could bring us the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Magnus: That’d be nice, but I’m just excited to get some real Junior Heavyweight action.
Phillips: You don’t like Venom’s Junior Heavyweight Gauntlet?
Magnus: I like things I put in motion better.

The Long Walk Home by Howl Trance rings out over the P.A. system and Eron Hunter appears on the stage with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder. He surveys the crowd before walking down the ramp and into the ring.

Magnus: It’s a pleasure to have a prestigious global champion here tonight. You know, I organized this myself.
Phillips: That was great of you to organize a rotating defense.
Magnus: It really was.

XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship Match
El Rey vs Eron Hunter (c)

El Rey walks to the center of the ring and begins doing what he does best, talking. Eron stands stoic in the corner, and the bell rings. El Rey continues to talk and Eron walks right up to the young challenger and slaps the taste out of his mouth. El Rey’s head whips to the side and he rubs his cheek. He turns back to Eron smiling and still talking and Eron explodes with a forearm shot that stumbles El Rey back. Eron strikes with another and another until El Rey is stumbled back into the corner. Eron quickly follows up with lefts and rights to El Rey’s mid section and then climbs and rains down rights as the crowd counts along 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!

Magnus: The champion aggressive early on, very out of his norm.
Phillips: Can you blame him? This kid insulted not just him, but his family as well.
Magnus: Everyone knows the kid is a douche. It’s a family trait used to get opponents out of their comfort zone. Eron fell right into the trap.
Phillips: He may have, but so far it’s going in his favor and not El Rey’s.

After delivering the tenth blow Eron hops down and grabs El Rey by the wrist. He whips him across the ring and follows after. El Rey counters flipping up into a headstand on the top turnbuckle, but Eron was prepared and flies with a drop kick right into El Rey’s face. El Rey tumbles off the top turnbuckle and lands on the ring apron. The young challenger slowly pulls himself up using the ropes, but when he gets upright he’s nailed by a running big boot that sends him crashing to the outside. Eron begins clapping in the ring getting the crowd excited and behind him as El Rey staggers around on the rampway trying to regain his composure. Eron bounces off the ropes and charges in the direction of El Rey and leaps over the top rope wiping El Rey out with a tope con Hilo!

Phillips: It’s all champ early on here. He’s channeled that rage into a winning strategy and El Rey looks unprepared.
Magnus: If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this kid since he showed up here in season 3 is that he’s always got a plan.
Phillips: He better put that plan in motion soon or he’s gonna watch Eron walk out of here just like he came in, with the Junior Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

Eron gets right back up to his feet to a huge pop from the crowd. The champion sends a boot to his fallen challenger before high fiving a couple of fans at ringside. Eron then turns back to the fallen El Rey and begins to pull him up by his hair, but El Rey drives his shoulder into the midsection or Eron and rams him into the ring barrier. El Rey drives his shoulder in again, and again slamming Eron’s back three times into the barricade. Eron is out on his feet using the barricade to hold himself up and El Rey delivers a stiff chop that rings throughout the arena. El Rey steps back and takes a second to catch his breath and notices the ref is making the count. He quickly dives into the ring and rolls back out to reset the count knowing he can’t win the title on a countout.

Magnus: Smart move by the kid there.
Phillips: It was smart, but he’s giving the veteran time to recover. He should’ve brought Eron in with him.
Magnus: He could’ve, but I don’t think he’s done on the outside.

El Rey quickly walks back over to the champion for his next move, but Eron explodes off of the ring barrier with a huge clothesline that sends El Rey spinning. Eron falls to the ground after the impact and crawls over to his fallen challenger and begins sending rights to his face before beginning to get up and pulling El Rey up with him. Eron grabs the challenger by the wrist and whips him back first into the ring apron. El Rey hits hard back first and screams out in pain. Eron takes a deep breath and charges towards El Rey, but El Rey quickly steps out and hoists Eron up in the air. Eron flies and lands on his feet on the ring apron. El Rey turns back to the ring and is greeted by a back kick from the champion that stuns him. Eron then leaps up and spring boards off the second rope with an asai moonsault to the outside nailing El Rey.

Phillips: What athleticism on display by the Champion.
Magnus: This is what the Junior Heavyweight division is all about.

Eron quickly picks up El Rey and slides him in the ring and follows up with the cover. 1-2-Not enough as El Rey is able to kick out. Eron is quickly back up to his feet. He lays a couple stomps into his opponent and then moves over to the corner. He peeks over his shoulder to judge the distance and leaps up to the second turnbuckle and nails the moonsault. Eron stays on El Rey for the cover 1-2-No! El Rey kicks out again. Eron slams the mat and gets back up to his feet pulling El Rey up with him. Eron delivers a forearm shot to make sure he’s good and dazed before making his way outside to the ring apron. Eron spring boards and flies at El Rey with a high knee attempt, but El Rey dodges. Eron lands in his feet and El Rey quickly moves in with a rear waist lock. Eron performs a standing switch, but El Rey performs it right back and then charges Eron into the ring ropes using the momentum from the ropes to roll Eron up. El Rey grabs the tights 1-2-NO! Eron barley kicks out.

Magnus: I thought the kid had brought the Junior Heavyweight Championship to GUNS right there!
Phillips: I’ll tell you what he did have, a handful of Eron’s tights. He has no problem cheating to win.
Magnus: It’s only cheating if you get caught Tom, and the ref clearly didn’t see it.

The momentum from the kick out sends El Rey into the ropes. He bounces off as Eron begins to sit up and the challenger nails the champion with a running knee. Eron is hit hard and El Rey quickly moves to the corner and leaps up to the top rope. He settles himself and leaps off with a frog splash holding on for the cover 1–2-NO! Eron just kicks out. El Rey quickly gets back to his feet and reaches down to pick up the champion, but Eron counters with a small package 1-2-no, El Rey rolls over into one of his own 1-2-Eron kicks out. El Rey quickly gets up to his feet and stalks Eron waiting for him to get up. As Eron gets up to his feet El Rey runs and leaps onto ERON’S shoulder for a rana, but Eron catches him and runs and slams El Rey down with a running sit-out power bomb he calls the White Tiger Bomb!

Phillips: This is it. It’s all over now. This is one of Eron’s biggest moves.
Magnus: I must admit it doesn’t look good for the kid.

The ref drops down 1-2-NO! Eron couldn’t quite get both legs over El Rey’s arms and El Rey was able to roll a shoulder just in time. Erin grabs his face in frustration, but quickly collects himself. He slaps his arm showing the crowd what’s next and moves to the outside. Eron stands and he waits as El Rey pulls himself up using the ropes and then stumbles around looking for the champion. As soon as he locates him Eron is springing off the top rope and swinging for the lariat he calls the Rising Star Lariat. El Rey sees it just in time and side steps it. Eron’s momentum carries him to the other side of the ring where he grabs the ropes to steady himself. El Rey quickly spins and nails Eron in the back of the head with a roaring elbow! El Rey then drops down and rolls Eron up 1-2-El Rey puts both feet on the ropes of leverage-3!
Winner and NEW XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion: El Rey

Magnus: He did it. The kid did it.
Phillips: He may have won, but it took every trick in the book to do it
Magnus: Well you don’t become champion by winning the moral high ground Tom, you win by pinning your opponents shoulders and that is just what the kid did.

El Rey is handed the belt and he falls to his knees crying as Eron rolls out of the ring. Eron shakes his head in frustration as “Wolves” by Big Sean plays over the P.A. system. He walks away without his title, but knowing he was the better man. Inside the ring El Rey clutches his newly won title not caring about being a better man.

Magnus: While we recover from the amazing match and surprising title change we have a clip from earlier today to show how this next match came about.

We open inside the empty arena where Close Collins and his friend Hermes are practicing moves in the ring. Close is working on the T-Bone suplex. He hits it a few times in succession on Hermes but after the fourth Close stands up and shakes his head.

Close Collins: I don’t know man. Something just feels off to me when I throw this suplex.

Hermes is still dazed and laying on the mat.

Hermes: Doesn’t feel off to me….oof…

Close Collins: Maybe it’s something I can ask Mr. Magnus about.

“If you ask me, I’d go a little bit higher up on the leg.”

Close looks over to see “Big Nate” Nathan Hartley, a brand new sign from Tap Out, standing on the apron. The stout fellow climbs into the ring and approaches Hermes.

Nathan Hartley: May I?

Nate doesn’t wait for an answer and quickly hooks the smaller man in a T-Bone suplex position. He turns and looks at Close.

Nathan Hartley: Also, sometimes a little follow through, you know turning yourself with the suplex helps people feel more in control.

Nathan then proceeds to hit a more Shelton Benjamin style T-bone suplex where he turns and comes down on top of Hermes into a pin-like position. Hermes makes a strange sound as all the air is driven from his chest for a demonstration. Close seems to be enlightened by the input from Nate.

Close Collins: Ooh wow. So you mean like this!?

Close snatches Hermes and performs the same move. Hermes just lays there, twitching a bit.

Nathan Hartley: Exactly! I have to say, you got a hell of a throw on you…”

Just then the duo are interrupted by Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby. The Crinkly Bottom Boys.

Noel Edmonds: Who let the kids get in our ring Blobby?”

Mr. Blobby: BLOBBY!

Noel Edmonds: Jesus, Blobby! You can’t say that, they are just children!

Big Nate walks over and leans over the ropes to yell at the former XHF tag team champions.

Nathan Hartley: Kid my ass! I bet I could throw you-

He points at Noel.

Nathan Hartley: -and I bet I could throw whatever the hell that thing is-

He points at Blobby.

Nathan Hartley: Around this ring all day until you two are crying in your tea and biscuits.

Noel Edmonds: Oh that’s it! We are the top tag team around. We aren’t afraid to step in the ring and shut up some little nobody! Right Blobby?

Mr. Blobby: Blobby!

Noel Edmonds: Right! Besides mr big mouth, there are two of us and one of you.

Nathan glances back and looks at Close Collins.

Nathan Hartley: He’s my partner.

Close who was just trying to stay out of trouble glances up.

Close Collins: What?

Nathan nods and then sits on the middle rope and pushes the top rope up to invite them into the ring.

Nathan Hartley: Me and this guy versus you two has beens. Get in this ring right now and fight us.

Close looks at Nathan, shocked and surprised he would just pull him into a fight with the Crinkly Bottom Boys.

Close Collins: What??

Noel Edmonds shakes his head.

Noel Edmonds: The Crinkly Bottom Boys don’t fight in empty arenas. How about we squash you two rookies live tonight on the Gun Show!

Close Collins was even more shocked to hear them make that challenge to fight on the show.

Close Collins: What!!??

Nathan nods his head and pounds his fist.

Nathan Hartley: You're on!

Noel Edmonds and Blobby nod and glare at Nate and Close in the ring as they sleek away. Nate turns and looks at Close, just as surprised as Close was.

Nathan Hartley: Looks like we have a match tonight on the gun show!

Close just shook his head in disbelief.

Close Collins: WHAT!?!

Phillips: So this next match up is interesting! We got the former XHF Tag Team Champions The Crinkly Bottom Boys taking on two kids from TAPOUT Wrestling.
Magnus: They aren’t just any kids. They are respectful kids. They bowed to me, Todd. They called me Mister, without adding “your making a scene.” I had to give them a chance.
Phillips: Well the challenge was made earlier today. Close Collins and Nate Hartley are two young up and comers and they have generated a lot of buzz. But the Crinkley Bottom Boys are no slouches. We will see how Close and Nate fair against these tag division mainstays.

The record scratches.

The drums count in and the thumping bass line of June Bug by Melvins starts to rattle the speakers. Blue, black and orange lights flash through the arena.

At about 25 seconds in, the drums pick up and Close Collins comes stepping through the curtain. He’s dressed in his ring gear and a zip up hoodie with the hood up. No nonsense, his fists clenched, his eyes focused on the ring, he just storms down the aisle as the bass rips and the drums solo. His father Tuff Collins not too far behind.

At about 40 seconds the guitar plays a very simple yet melodic riff. Close takes a moment to slow down and look around the arena. He stops before the ring steps and says a few words to his dad/manager Tuff. Close takes a good look at the ring and bows in respect.

At 56 seconds all the instruments start killing it and Close aggressively storms up the steps and into the ring. Straight past his opponent and/or ring announcer and referee and pops up onto the second turnbuckle and roars with intensity for the crowd. Then pops back down keeps his back facing the middle ring, refusing to look at his opponent. Tuff Collins stands on the apron promoting his son and client. The back of Close’s hoodie reads “IT'S TIME FOR LAST CALL”

Phillips: Close Collins still hasn’t finished his rookie year and he came pretty damn far in the Tap Out Openweight Championship tournament.
Magnus: Flanked by his father and manager Tuff Collins, I can tell this kid thirsts for wrestling knowledge. If he ever needs me, my brain is like an open book.
Phillips: Open book with three pages in it.
Magnus: HEY!

Happy Song by Bring me the Horizon plays and Big Nate walks out, posing and talking some trash.

Phillips: Big Nate. This guy went all the way to the Olympics but due some questionable decisions he made he wasn’t able to compete.
Magnus: What kind of questionable decisions?
Phillips: Don’t know. But he’s looking to make things right inside the squared circle.

A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 'Mr Blobby' by Mr Blobby resonates across the venue.

Stepping out from behind the curtain, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge to a mixed reaction. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange.

As they walk down the aisle, Noel Edmonds looks focused or maybe just irritated at how his career turned out. Mr Blobby follows him, he snaps open a Sherbert dib-dab and snorts it before dropping the wrapper on the floor. Edmonds leans into the aisle camera.

Noel Edmonds: All you are is energy, remember that!

Blobby however, has got distracted, silly Blobby! He's handing out his hotel room number to a gaggle of 5 out of 10s who came with their children to the event! Edmonds looks behind to see his partner not focusing on the match and grabs an ear guard to pull him down the aisle to the ring. He points towards the ring and watches as Blobby looks to roll under the ropes but finds he is simply too large to fit. The Pink and Yellow Peril realises his mistake and stands up and shakes his head before leapfrogging the top rope.

Edmonds rolls under the bottom rope and rips off his trackies and Dad shirt to reveal a wrestling singlet that is patterned with boxes from Deal or No Deal. They head to their corner as they await the bell.

Phillips: The former XHF Tag Team Champions. They don’t exactly look like it, but they are tough as they come.
Magnus: These two made the challenge to Nate and Close before the show started. Blobby and Noel are eager to teach these so called “punk kids” a lesson.

Tag Team Grudge Match
Throw Show vs Crinkly Bottom Boys

DING DING DING

Phillips: This match is underway. Big Nate is going to start us off against Noel Edmonds.
Magnus: A would be Olympian verse someone’s weird uncle.
Phillips: Only on the Gun Show folks!

Nate and Noel lock up and amateur wrestling ability of Nate comes out as he goes for a double leg takedown! Noel shows a bit of skill by sprawling back to counter the takedown. Nate quickly hooks the left arm and yanks it up to spin Noel to his back and complete the take down. Nate hooks the leg but Noel gets a kickout before the count of one. Noel gets to his feet and swings a punch but Nate ducks underneath, goes behind, and slams Noel face first into the mat with a quick belly to back suplex. Noel spins on the back of Noel and slaps him in the back of the head a bit and pops back up as the crowd cheer the treatment of Noel.

Phillips: Big Nate Hartley. Showing his skills and his confidence as he rides on the back of Noel Edmonds.
Magnus: These guys were super impressive when I trained with them earlier today.

As Nate plays to the crowd, Noel gets up, looking angry. He rushes in but Nate was ready for him and side steps and grabs Noel and smashes his head into the corner of his team. Nate hoists Noel up into a stalling suplex and holds him there for a few extra moments. Then he tags in Close Collins and promptly hands Noel over to Close who then holds him in his own stalling suplex for a few moments before Close drops Noel to the ground, completing the suplex!

Phillips: Take a look at the strength of Nate Hartley and Close Collins!
Magnus: I can’t lie, these kids might have some chemistry together.

Close goes to grab Noel and pull him to his feet, but the crafty veteran starts to fight back with a few right hands. Close staggers back as his father and manager Tuff Collins cheers him on from ringside. Close blocks a right hand and twists it back and quickly flips Noel over with a half and half suplex. Noel gets tossed on his head but he’s back up and Close quickly locks him into a T-bone suplex with the Shelton Benjamin style float over into the pin!

1….2…..

Noel shoots an arm into the air just in time!

Phillips: Man both these kids have some impressive throws and they are putting on a show here tonight!
Magnus: And they are really bringing the fight to CBB!

Close Collins is feeling fired up. He backs up into a corner waiting for Noel to get up so he can do some kind of running strike. But Close makes a big rookie mistake and he backs into the CBB corner and Blobby yanks on Close’s hair just as he takes off and Close comes crashing down neck and head first into the first turnbuckle!

Phillips: OH NO! Blobby just possibly changed the course of this match and the ref didn’t see it because he was checking on Noel!
Magnus: That’s the thing! These kids are impressive here tonight, showing us so many throws and everything but the Crinkly Bottom Boys are former champs for a reason.

Suddenly Noel feels a lot better and he rushes to his corner and starts stomping the chest of the dazed Close Collins! Nate tries to tell the ref what happened and the ref asks Blobby if he did anything but Blobby shakes his head no! Noel twists Close’s arm and tags out to Blobby! Blobby enters the ring and clubs Close’s twisted arm as the rookie yells out in pain! Noel leaves the ring and Blobby quickly drops Close back onto his head with a reverse DDT!

Phillips: That head shot on the turnbuckle may have rung this kids bell. And Blobby stays on it like a shark that smells blood.
Magnus: These are the things that veterans do. You feel for Close but he made a rookie mistake by backing into the Crinkly Bottom Boy’s corner like that.

Tuff Collins shouts support to his son at ringside as Blobby drags Close to his dazed feet. Blobby lifts Close up for a suplex of his own and then falls forward, driving Close face first into the mat! Blobby goes for a cover!

1…..2….Close gets a slow shoulder up. Blobby shouts at the ref yelling “BLOBBY” and holding up two of his four fingers. Close drags himself up to his feet only to get turned inside out with a big Blobby lariat! Blobby tags out to Noel.

Phillips: And a tag out to Noel. This is where the experience comes into play. Quick tags in and out, keeping one member of the opposing team isolated in their corner.

Blobby crotch chops at Nate Hartley which drags Nate in causing the ref to stop and argue with Nate, allowing Blobby and Noel to lay in double stomps and kicks to the fallen Close Collins.

Magnus: These kids are falling for the oldest tricks in the book out here. You can definitely tell which one is a full fledged team and the other just decided to team up for tonight.

The ref finally gets Nate back on the apron and turns around to yell at Blobby to do the same. Having done their damage, Blobby complies and goes to the apron. Noel steps in as the legal man and starts sizing Close up. Noel runs up and kicks Close in the side of the ribs and he falls flat again. Noel grabs Close by his wild hair and pulls Close up to his feet. Noel kicks Close in the shin, slaps him in the face, twists both nipples, and then hits a big Headbutt and Close staggers down to one knee. Noel runs to the ropes looking for the Swap Shot (sling blade) but Close counters it into a deep six like spinning slam into the mat! The place explodes and both Tuff and Nate are stomping the mat to rile up the crowd!

Phillips: Desperation Counter by Close Collins! But he needs to make a tag here!
Magnus: Nate has his arm outstretched! He’s ready to get back in there!

Close is crawling toward his partner. Nate is stretching as far as the tag rope will let him. Close crawls a little bit further as his dad and the sold out gun show crowd cheer him on! Close is centimeters away and just as he swipes to tag Nate is ripped off the apron and falls to the floor! No tag! Tuff glares and starts coming after Blobby but Blobby just goes back to his corner.

Phillips: And Blobby is there to block the tag. Expert tag team strategy by the Crinkly Bottom Boys!
Magnus: Mr. Blobby may be a gigantic eyesore but he’s crafty and he knows what he’s doing!

A groggy Noel drags Close back toward the CBB corner and then makes a tag to Blobby. Blobby hits Close with a couple chops to his chest and places him in the corner. Blobby goes for the handspring back elbow but Close Collins gets out of the way at the last second and Blobby crashes into his corner and the impact staggers him back toward the ring where Close Collins pops up out of nowhere and lands a huge Tuff-Plex (Tazplex) that dumps Blobby right on his head! The crowd pop and as Tuff and Nate cheer him on Close slaps himself in the face and gets his head back in the game. Close stands up and let’s out a yell to psyche himself up and

DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX TO MR. BLOBBY!

Magnus: DEAR LORD THATS GOTTA BE FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS!
Phillips: I don’t think it’s that much but it’s damn impressive!
Phillips: Close Collins goes for the bridge pin! The ref goes to count 1….2…..Noel is in to break the cover! Close is crawling to Nate to make the tag and Noel tries to stop him but Close kicks him in the face and Noel staggers back! Close Collins crawls over and finally slaps Nate’s hand and Big Nate comes in like a ball of fire! Noel comes running at Nate but Nate tosses him backward with a belly to belly! Blobby is up and instantly goes back down with an abrupt head butt that stopped Blobby's momentum.
Phillips: Nate Hartley cleaning house in this tag team match!
Magnus: He looks to be setting Blobby up for the end.

Nate gets Blobby into a gut wrench position to set up his finisher but Noel is there to club him in the back and punch him in the head! Noel wasn’t doing much the big stocky man’s thick skull but Close Collins shows up to even the odds and locks Noel Edmonds into the LAST CALL! (Tazmission) Close brings Noel down and hooks the leg and starts choking him out while Nate Hartley takes Blobby and finishes the Gutwrench lay out powerbomb he calls the LAY AND PRAY! The ref counts the pin!

1….2……3!!!!!!

Winners: Nate Hartley and Close Collins

Phillips: Holy hell they did it! They just beat the Crinkly Bottom Boys!
Magnus: What a major upset! These kids just impressed a lot of people!

As the two teams exit the lights suddenly go out and turn into hues of pinks and reds. A siren comes on over the speakers as we see a meter on the screen. It has a heart on the bottom of it and reads “Love Explosion Imminent” The sirens blare more and more.

Tom Phillips: What’s going on?
Magnus: I don’t know, but there’s going to be a love explosion by the looks of the screen up there. You don’t think that’s going to hurt do you?
Tom Phillpis: I don’t kn-

Just as he begins to speak the meter reaches the top. The sirens go off one final time as we see an explosion of heart shaped confetti and rose pedals. In the middle of the ring we see woman in a hood stand in the middle of the ring. She turns around and takes the hood down, revealing none other than former NLW star, Ai Moe. She has a microphone with a big heart and bow on it. It looks very much like that of an idols about to do a song and dance. But she’s not dancing nor is she singing.

Ai Moe: (For nearly a year we were left in the dark. Would they or wouldn’t they? Well they did. But before even that for well over a year we were left to fend for ourselves. The wrestling world wasn’t too kind to the love queen. They were in limbo, JET was closed only to reopen months later. I had no where to go and nothing to do. So i was forced to do the only other thing i know.)

She says as she pulls out a censored dvd of her latest JAV. “Doki Doki Heart Explosion”.

Ai Moe: (So i made my long awaited return to the JAV world. And now? Well i still kinda miss Wrestling. So if you want to see me wrestle again in the GUNS ring, meet me out in the parking lot where i’ll be selling dvds. Eighteen years or older only. Don’t miss out on the hot action that’s going down in the ring, and on my latest DVD! Bu-)

Security run in to stop her as she ducks out.

Magnus: I don't know what was said there, but you can’t go selling your own merch on our show! You gotta give us a cut first!

Tom Phillips: This match is the last official defense for Darlene Price and her J-ROK New Wave Championship. Her opponent is still unknown, but knowing the boys in the back, she’s in for a treat.

Love The Way You Hate Me by Rising Storm plays as J-ROK’s Ambassador of Violence makes her way into the ring.

Magnus: And here comes the champ now. With fire in her eyes she’s ready for whoever comes out to accept the challenge.

The fans start to get up on their feet and do the cupid shuffle as a giant man baby with wings and an arrow comes out from the back.

He slides in the ring as Dar looks disgusted at her opponent. The bell rings and like clockwork she pounces. Not even taking her belt or entrance jacket off. Hitting him with an executive order and turning it into a flash stomp. The cupid bounces back up and blocks another kick. He ducks and comes off the ropes, bouncing them and hitting a high flying moonsault press. Only to get caught and eat a RU486. Dar covers her opponent as the bell rings. She grabs him and holds up a lighter, edging it towards his wings. He wiggles out as he runs away from harms way.

Dar yells at the camera. “You can suspend us! You can put our reigns on hiatus! You can even crown interim champions Kira! But you’ll never see these again!” she yells as she flips off the camera and heads to the back.

Tom Phillips: Quick match from the dominant double champ.
Magnus: Cupid had no chance. He didn’t believe in the power of love enough. Besides his Cupid Shuffle was horrible!
Tom Phillips: It did look like a fish flopping out of water. Hold on. I’m getting word something is happening backstage.
Magnus: Who told you that? I’m right here.

Backstage...

“The champ is here!”

Oh yeah, El Rey dives into the locker room holding the JHC championship above his head. No doubt the second of a dozen junior titles that El Rey captures into his much cooler junior X*Crown. AWF, Fireside, SWAT, AXW, and NLW not having their own junior titles will just make it easier for El Rey to add to his hoard. Painfully smug, the new champion holds his belt high – expecting the roaring approval of his GUNS family.

Crickets.

They barely look up.

“AAAAAHEM!”

El Rey clears his throat loudly to get their attention, a few put on their masks like he has covid. Motherfuckers – shouldn’t they be celebrating his success? Don’t they realize he’s the GUNS crown prince? When Venom pops off, he basically owns this place.

El Rey: Don’t worry guys; being the best Junior champion in the history of the XHF isn’t going to take away from my duties as the God of Xtreme!

Eyes widen. A few of the Underrated Network Stars shuffle further down their benches to stay the hell away from Rey. Maybe they think he will cut them, on account of being such a bad man? Good. It is right that they fear him.

El Rey: FEAR not – I might be a killing machine...

Rey busts out his trusty dagger. The one Zoran gave him.

El Rey: Even though I’m the most hardcore star in GUNS - right now I’m the junior champion – so you don’t have to worry about me using my mad slicing skills to cut you down. Unless you get on my bad side...

The boys are practically in a human crush to get to the other side of the room. So this is respect. Smiling to himself, El Rey turns- to immediately find PRICE standing behind him.

El Rey: Uh...

What is he worried about?

El Rey: Step aside old man, unless you want a taste of what I gave Spike!

PRICE smiles at El Rey.

A hard cut takes us back to the announcer’s table.

Magnus: Can we get security backstage?
Phillips: Rey certainly seems confident after that win.
Magnus: Like security -RIGHT NOW.

The lights cut out.

"And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder
One of the four beasts saying,
'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse"

“When the Man Comes Around” by Johnny Cash plays over the PA system. A series of white pyro explode in short bursts making their way up the entrance ramp, the final burst curing occurring just on the line...

#There's a man goin' 'round takin' names#
#And he decides who to free and who to blame#
#Everybody won't be treated all the same#
#There'll be a golden ladder reachin' down#
#When the man comes around#

A single gloved hand holds back the curtains. Zoran Sainovic exits through them to a surprising number of cheers. The former commissioner is decked out in a white Armani suit. His left arm is still in a cast, heavily fortified, and wrapped to his body with an industrial brace and sling, that match the colour of the suit. His left eye sports a patch thanks to his recent defences. Sainovic smiles politely at his fans – wandering towards the ring in sync to the music with a killer swagger.

Phillips: I’m surprised you’re not taking a washroom break.
Magnus: I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

The Final Boss enters the ring, cuing a final volley of white pyro.

#When the man comes around...#

It is obvious that his body is no longer capable of winning, let alone wrestling. Not a question of one defence too many, but one reign too many. Yet knowing that the writing was on the wall, the commissioner headhunted the best star that the Network had to offer, lured him away from J-RoK, and ensured that if he were going to lose the crown – it would not leave GUNS. The audience can see his working hand in action, and appreciate the sacrifice. So as the XHF Devil stands in the middle of the ring with microphone in hand, before the announcement can be made, a Zoran chant goes up for all his hard work.

Zoran Sainovic: You are all too kind.

The former three time X*Crown champion seems visibly touched by the outpour of support.

Zoran Sainovic: Zis last run with ze XHF... with GUNS... with all of you... has been nothing short of a dream. Sadly all dreams must end, so it is with a heavy heart zat I announce my retirement effective immed-

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

Phillips: Magnus?

*BUMP*

A headset thumps against a table, as Magnus abandons the announce position to stalk up into the ring.

Magnus: Retire? I’m not giving you the satisfaction. I have been waiting a long time to give you this-

The GUNS founder – as always completely oblivious to reading an arena – pulls out a pink slip. Not sooner is the pink flashed than the audience is pelting him with trash.

Magnus: Na, na, na, naaa, na, na, na, NAAA, HEEEEEEY HEYYYYYYOOOOO GOODBYE!

For some reason thinking the rancid fruit is being aimed at the apparently beloved Zoran, Magnus tries to start a goodbye chant. It does not go over well.

Magnus: THIS MAN IS A MONSTER, AND I’M THE BAD GUY FOR TRYING TO GET RID OF HIM?

Zoran Sainovic: Ze important zing is you still have ze crown. I hope you’re able to treat zis champion better.

The refined Eastern European reaches out to collect the pink slip.

“MAGNUS STOP!”

Another voice. Someone pushes through the back curtains. Zoran’s eyes widen in horror. Visibly shaken, the older man pushes past Magnus – and scrambles out of the ring towards the speaker.

Venom: You’re not letting him out of his contract, Magnus. He has to pay. He has to pay for what he did to my boy!

Venom staggers out onto the ramp, cradling a bloody El Rey to his chest. The youth is unconscious, having been beaten half to death.

Zoran Sainovic: Rey-

Running up to Venom, an upset Sainovic starts to check on Rey – only for Venom to kick him away. Trying to support Rey’s weight, Venom almost falls over – but he rights himself, and the kick has enough force to knock Sainovic back.

Venom: DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!

Zoran Sainovic: I didn’t do zi-

Venom (spitting): You might as well have.

Kneeling to cradle Rey with one arm, Venom reaches into his back pocket and produces a dagger. The dagger that Zoran gifted to El Rey at the end of his apprenticeship. Eyes narrow, Venom throws the knife at Zoran. Flashbulbs go off as it hits The Final Boss square in the chest… then bounces off to the floor.

Venom: I doubt you’re even hurt. Nice gag. You sure built my son’s confidence up. So high he’s picking fights with Spike and Price.

Zoran Sainovic: It’s not what it seems-

Venom: Save it. I’m taking my son to the hospital. And after that, you’re going to learn that the hell Magnus put you through is NOTHING compared to a father’s wrath.

Spitting at Zoran, Venom turns and carries El Rey out. The audience that are actually quite pleased that El Rey was beaten to a pulp, and ecstatic that it appears Sainovic isn’t being allowed to retire, happily start up their Zoran chants again. Looking at the prop knife, a puzzled Zoran pushes down on its retractable blade before looking back up at the departing Rey. His eyes seem troubled.

*BUMP*

Magnus: I have the worst luck.
Phillips: Sorry you couldn’t fire him, Magnus.
Magnus: Save your pity for Zoran. When Venom gets through with him, Zoran will wish I’d fired him.

After everything clears we see that the Discovery+ Alien is pacing in the ring, having apparently made his entrance already, as is entirely proper for both a mysterious extra-terrestrial and a jobber.

Phillips: One of the Streaming Wars veterans is in the ring waiting for his opponent. Who will it be?
Magnus: Apparently they’re representing Shudder, so even toss up between some rando in a Scream mask or an obscure spooky Asian teenage girl ghost.

As Tom starts googling about the age of consent in Japan, the lights dim.

Oh, hunter…

Blessed saint...

An honest death is like a blessing…

Let death come once and for all…

Plenteous blood is lost…

The Geoffrey Day version of Ludwig, The Holy Blade slams into the speakers as a facepainted figure in a Victorian gentleman’s cape and top hat emerges from the entrance way and poses.

Magnus: That’s Glimmergrin from SCCW!!!
Phillips: I guess The Discordian Court like endorsement money as much as the next guys… demons… whatevers.

The former SCCW High Roller champion makes his way down the ramp, muttering and giggling to himself as is his wont. He places his hat on a small child at ringside before twirling off his cape to reveal his usual purple waistcoat and trousers over a crisp white shirt and black tie. He then slide sinto the ring and does a cartwheel, causing his interstellar opponent to pull out a zune with some dry macaroni glued to it to ‘analyse’ the situation. Apparently mollified, as the bell rings he approaches Glimmergrin and offers a mysterious alien handshake.

Alien: Klaatu Barada… Necktie!

Glimmergrin considers this for a moment… then hits him with his Rule of Three elbow combo. The Alien goes down like a sack of space spuds, only to be immediately pounced on and locked in The Rest Is Silence. Ancient Egyptian ET or not, the Alien is still a jobber and immediately taps out.

Phillips: Well that was brief.
Magnus: Shudder doesn’t pay by the hour, Tom.

The ref raises The Laughing Hunter’s arm and the fans politely applaud, not least because they think his facepaint was better.

Then the lights go out…

Magnus: Oh come on! I know I paid the utilities!

Then the lights come back on so powerfully it’s like a flashbang went off…

Magnus: FUCK!!! I didn’t pay that much!

As everyone rubs their eyes to regain some semblance of vision, we see the ref and the Discovery+ Alien have rolled to the outside, while Glimmergrin stands staggered midring. Three figures dressed in white stand behind him. To his left is the being known as King Submaxiswear. To his right is Bloodied Fox. Directly behind him is an enormous muscular masked man we’ve never seen before, standing at least 7 foot tall. As he blinks furiously, Glimmergrin turns around and promptly takes an MDK from Fox. He doesn’t get the chance to fall, as the gigantic newcomer grabs him by the throat and effortless hoists him up before slamming him down with a chokeslam. He doesn’t release the hold on impact, maintaining his grip on the SCCW star and pulling him back up for a second chokeslam. Then a third. Then a fourth. He looks like he might go for a fifth, but Fox pats him on the shoulder and he finally allows Glimmergrin to lay in a crumbled heap. In the midst of all this, Submaxiswear has acquired a mic from somewhere. He crouches by the barely conscious Glimmergrin and looks at him as he speaks.

Submaxiswear: When you get back to Hell, tell your master that it’s beginning. Tell him there’s nothing he can do to stop it. Tell him I’m going to enjoy watching him try anyway and fail.

Adding insult to injury, he drops the mic on Glimmergrin’s face as he stands, the trio leaving the ring to a chorus of boos. In a classic piece of terrible timing, the Discovery+ Alien has got back to his feet and subsequently gets chokeslammed neck first into the ring apron by the masked man. The three men head up the ramp as the fans survey the devastation in their wake.

Phillips: “Your master”? Satan?
Magnus: Pretty sure the Discordian Court is led by Misha Constantine. I have a horrible feeling this is going to get messy. I just hope GUNS doesn’t end up dragged into it.
Phillips:…
Magnus: LET ME DREAM, TOM!!!

Atlanta General.

ER.

Triage.

A familiar dishevelled face is at admissions.

Copycat: The baby has been kicking more than usual.

The nurse seems unmoved.

Nurse: Who is your insurance provider... ma'm.

Copycat: Yes. Mr.Bradshaw called me his insurance policy.

The nurse grimaces, this is going to be a long night.

"I'll cover him. Send ze charges here."

A single grey glove reaches out with a business card, and credit card to the surprised nurse. Copycat looks up to find the figure silhouetted by a halo of light from the overhead fluorescents.

Nurse: Are you sure?

Zoran Sainovic: My friend is clearly in his third trimester, and in need of medical attention.

A guardian angel.

Copycat: ...friend...

Zoran Sainovic (placing a warm hand on Cat's boney shoulder): You fought bravely, but after zat Supremacy match, we don't want to take any chances with your little one.

Copycat smiles at the nurse.

Copycat: He's my friend.

Zoran Sainovic (retrieving his credit card): I'm actually here to visit a teenager who would have been brought in with multiple contusions half an hour ago-

Nurse: That would be- 308.

Zoran Sainovic (warm smile): Zank you. (patting Copycat on the shoulder) Get some rest, Cat. Load up on ze hospital food - zere is nothing quite like it. (stops) You may also want to have ze physical check for a tape worm.

Copycat: It's name is Larry.

Zoran Sainovic: Naturally.

Warmth melting away with the turn of a heel, a serious Sainovic immediately returns to the task at hand. Praying that PRICE didn't murder Rey.

SMASH CUT. Backstage at GUNS.

GUNS production assistant no#1: Man this card is stacked, I sure do hope Disney's Marty Donovan doesn't come up with anymore pirate signals.

GUNS production assistant no#2: I’ve been worried about it all night. It would be great to chop his dick off and put it in a vegematic before anyone had a chance to reattach it.

Someone knocks over a tray of peanut brittle at the craft service table.

???: Not my dick! ........is what that damned Donovan would say.

The two production assistants look suspicious, but it's just Tangled's Flynn. The duo shrug to one another and then leave.

Flynn: Damn it Tinto- why did you enter the lion's den?

Magnus (Backstage monitor of broadcast): Coming up next we have the battle royal for the Phoenix title.
Phillips (also on monitor): Last time we had one of these Dinosaur Bones defeated Mr. Rip N Terror-
Magnus (monitor): But tonight GUNS will prevail!
Phillips (monitor): Hopefully we don't have any deaths this time.

If Flynn's cartoon costume eyes could narrow, he would.

Flynn: ...crap.

The Tangled star runs off, desperate to track down the suicidally greedy orphan before history can repeat itself.

SMASH CUT.

Room 308.

A monitor beeps away, tracking the Junior heavyweight champion's shallow pulse, while almost darling PRICE to finish the job. A door sheepishly opens, a quick glance confirming the patient before fully opening. With his one working arm, Zoran Sainovic carries a potted plant - a "Get Well" balloon wrapped around his fingers. Seeing Rey's sorry state, his maimed mentor looks grim.

Zoran Sainovic: Damn it Rey...

Limping across the room, Sainovic places the plant on a table to the vegetables left. Million Dollar Baby is playing on a television monitor. How depressing. Just when you think Zoran is going to place a pillow over his protégé's face - he instead starts trying the balloon to the foot of the bed.

Zoran Sainovic: Don't worry Rey, I'll make Price pay for zis...

SLAM.

Venom: Still passing the blame-

Rey's father slams the door behind him.

Zoran Sainovic: I just wanted to check in him, I was concerned-

Venom: I told you to stay away!

Before the former commissioner can respond, the GUNS co-founder runs into him with a hard right hand. Not wanting to cause a disturbance in the hospital, Sainovic brings up his good arm to block - but leaves him open to a kneestrike which rocks bruised ribs. The shot is hard enough to sends Sainovic falling backwards into Rey. Zoran tries to balance himself to avoid further injuring the boy, but in leaning on him further enrages Venom's onslaught.

EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL

Venom vs. Zoran Sainovic

Grabbing the "Get Well" balloon, Venom wraps the ribbon around Sainovic's throat and starts choking him out. Having given allowances for the grieving process as much as he deems polite, Sainovic starts throwing STIFF elbows into Venom’s gut in an effort to loosen his murderous grasp. An atomic drop into the bed finally loosens the choke, but the bed almost buckles under their weight. The two men roll around on top of Rey’s unconscious body, jockeying for better positions as they unload with rapid-fire fists. Despite being out cold, Rey sells as well – his limp body repeatedly teasing falls off the bed under the weight of every well wisher that is thrown into him. Still trying to pull the ribbon of the balloon off his throat, Zoran grabs the potted plant and SMASHES it over Venom’s head – drawing no small amount of blood. Too pumped full of adrenaline to acknowledge the potential concussion, Venom grabs a particularly thorny rose from the shattered collection – and shoves it under Zoran’s eye patch, letting it snap into place. The pain is enough for The Final Boss to double over. Reaching carefully, Zoran tries to remove the thorned flower without doing further damage to his eye – it is this moment of vulnerability that Venom charges in with a shoulder tackle. Putting the breaks on, Zoran brings a few clubbing chops to Venom’s neck, before reversing it into a gourdbuster. Legs swing through the air knocking over non-descript paintings, posters with friendly health reminders, and cans full of medical waste. Before Sainovic can completely follow through with the move – Venom gets a leg out, slows it down, then pushes off, reversing it into a Tornado DDT – right into Rey’s bed.

The bed breaks.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Rey flat lines, but that probably has more to do with monitor being ripped out of his arm. The effect is the same, with a few nurses frantically entering the room to check on his vitals. Grabbing the holitor monitor, Venom turns it over – throwing the machine down across Zoran’s back. That stops the flat lining sound at least. As the nurses check on his boy, Venom is disgusted that Zoran has further defiled the hospital grounds. Reaching down to give the old man a piece of his mind, Venom leaves himself open. The Final Boss pulls the IV out of Rey’s arm, and stabs the GUNS founder in the forehead. As the blood sprays like a lawn sprinkler, the nurses jump back. The cameraman tries to stay out of their way, but leaves himself open, as Zoran and Venom fight over a bedpan bulldog, which sees both men run into the videographer-

#SMASH#

After a few moments of black, it returns to GUNS Arena, where the battle royal participants have already filled up the ring.

Magnus: Last of the participants making their way down to the ring...
Phillips: It’s a shame that the title had to be vacated-
Magnus: I didn’t want to do it, but we all saw what Vile Viper did to Wombat at Supremacy. He came very close to making the Wombat octuplets into orphans. So even though L.A.’s title win was LONG overdue, and he would have made a GREAT fighting champion – he is where he needs to be right now.
Phillips: His loss is our gain, because tonight we will definitely see a second NEW CHAMPION.

The crowd’s cheers turn to boos as the hated CAR wrestler Mister Rip’N’Terror makes his way back. The malnourished seven-year-old just feeds off the hate.

Phillips: Mister Rip’N’Terror – who lost the Phoenix in our Halloween pumpkin-smashing event. I’m surprised you’re letting CAR representatives back in given their history.
Magnus: We have the CAR Killer, XHF Shockmaster in the house. Look at those biceps he’ll toss Rip’N’Terror out of the ring like he was an eight-year-old child!

The mood gets decidedly more serious when Dinosaur Bones lumbers through the crowd towards the ring.

Magnus: WHAT? NO!
Phillips: It seems letting outside federations have representatives might have put our GUNS faithful in a potentially dangerous situation.
Magnus: He was the last champion; it is only fair that he gets a chance at a rematch.
Phillips: And if he eats anyone?
Magnus: IT WASN’T MY FAULT!

As the colossal dracolich joins the other participants in the ring, the air is tense with thoughts of Mrs. Wombat and Harsh Winter Pilgrim hanging heavy. How the beast wasn’t permanently banned after the second murder is anyone’s guess. The crowd start a bullshit chant.

Sylvia Starr: Ladies and gentlemen- the following contest is a battle royale-

The familiar notes of Gut Feeling act as a siren's call, beckoning the audience to crowd around the aisle, before the mad lyrical flow of Devo cue up the pyro. White sparks explode across the entrance curtain. Stepping out of the back, Redmond Fury musters a big smile for his legion of fans. Moving with the tune, Fury slaps hands, signs autographs, busts moves, all while taking the time to flex for the camera.

Magnus: NO!
Phillips: You seem more upset that your ex-husband is participating than the murderous zombie dinosaur.
Magnus: Bones didn’t take me to the cleaners in a messy divorce. I’d much rather that killing machine won the strap again for CAR than this stupid ox!
Phillips: That stupid Ox is MISTER GUNS, has held the XHF Phoenix title longer than any other wrestler here or in the AWF – and never got a proper rematch after Vince Viper screwed him out of the title.
Magnus: Do you even like your job?
Phillips: I’m just saying that tonight the title is GOING HOME with the Buckeye Bruiser.
Magnus: NEVER!

Redmond Fury enters the ring. Once again putting his name into Phoenix content. The muscleman nods politely to Sylvia Starr, before turning his eyes across the ring at BEEF.

Redmond Fury: LA AUTHENTICO WOMBAT was a GREAT Phoenix champion, and if I win tonight - I'll be keeping it warm, waiting for a rematch. Get better soon my friend, and I dedicate tonight's performance to you!

Magnus: Gag me with a spoon.
Phillips: Fury was the toast of GUNS during our third season, but has spent most of the forth suffering indignities at the hands of BEEF at your request. Is tonight the night he finally gets on track?
Magnus: Never, BEEF is taking him out!

As Fury and BEEF stare each other down, the rest of the participants shape up the competition.

Sylvia Starr: This is a BATTLE ROYALE for the vacant XHF Phoenix Championship. Eliminations occur when a participant is thrown over the top rope, and both their feet touch the floor. The last wrestler remaining will be our new champion!

XHF Phoenix Championship

Battle Royale

DING! DING! DING!

As soon as the bell rings, Dinosaur Bones goes after XHF Shockmaster – though gives up on several obvious opportunities to eat him. The Primal Amazonian makes the mistake of getting between Redmond Fury and BEEF, with the impact sending her through the air.

Sylvia Starr: THE PRIMAL AMAZONIAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Magnus: And we have our first person out-
Phillips: You have to admire how quick their delivery is.

All the participants pair off and brawl away, but the audience and camera focus is on BEEF and Fury’s exchanges. The two hosses unload, throwing each other around the canvas – and bumping a few wrestlers out along the way.

Sylvia Starr: El Hijo del Hulu and ATV Bandit have been eliminated!

Magnus: Poor ATV Bandit – and people call Fury a hero?
Phillips: Redmond and BEEF are like wrecking balls, god help anyone who gets in their way.
Magnus: Acting like El Hijo Del Hulu was an afterthought – Redmond should be ashamed of himself.
Phillips: I just think its impressive he was able to bench press the Bandit’s ATV out of the ring.

This over-the-top rope action is going too well. Less someone tries to trick Mosler into rumble writing, he has a trick up his sleeve.

Magnus: Wait, I’m being told we have footage back from the hospital brawl-
Phillips: We’re in the middle of a championship match!
Magnus: I’d much rather watch Venom beat up Zoran than have to pretend the sight of Redmond doesn't make me sick.
Phillips: It’s for our designated singles title!
Magnus: Fine, split screen it! This is like trying to commentate a show with my mother...

The screen splits in two, with two dozen wrestlers wailing away on one side of the ring, while Venom and Zoran tear up Atlanta General on the other side.

Magnus: Venom throwing hypodermic needles like they were lawn darts!
Phillips: Thank goodness the cast is absorbing most of them, those syringes don’t exactly look clean...
Magnus: HA! One to the shoulder – treat him like a pincushion, Venom!

In the ring, BEEF whips Fury into the corner with an Irish Whip – only the Buckeye Bruiser uses the opportunity to discus punch Johnny Cobb over the top rope. Sylvia is announcing all the eliminations, but the audio from the hospital seems to be overpowering some. Unboxed Ken works the upper right corner, chopping a number of Streaming War participants down to size. BEEF charges into the corner with the WHERE’S THE ME – only for Fury to bring up a knee. Stopping to throw Harrington Heart over the top rope, Fury then explodes out of the corner with a swinging neckbreaker. Peeling BEEF off the canvas, flattens him again with a Buckeye Breakdown!

Magnus: Venom and Zoran with duelling walkers – what are we even seeing here!
Phillips: Meanwhile directly in front of us, Redmond Fury is pointing to the corner, calling for- wait-

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URSUSLA THE MAN EATING BEAR COMES OFF THE TOP WITH A SHOOTING STAR PRESS-

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THE TON OF BEAR LANDS ON BEEF – THE TWO DON’T FALL THROUGH THE CANVAS, BUT BEEF IS CERTAINLY PUSHED THROUGH THE BOARDS!

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Phillips: We’ve got a BEEF sized hole in the middle of the ring!
Magnus: I’m not paying for that!
Phillips: The rest of the wrestlers trying to stick to the ropes to avoid the bear, and perforated canvas – but they are just setting themselves up as BEAR WITH ME goes to town!

Only wielding his walker with one hand puts Zoran at a serious disadvantage, and by the twelveth parry – Venom knocks the metal mobility device out of the three time X*Crown champion’s hand. A second shot gets Sainovic against a wall, while the third presses the metal base across the older wrestler’s throat – once again choking him.

Sylvia Starr: East L.A. Wombat, Syco Shoeshine, Rival Recruiter Ozawa, Space Cadet Rimsky, and Special Delivery Conway have all been eliminated!

Zoran is turning purple.

Sylvia Starr: Joseph Esch, O.B.R.C., Barry Cho, Mitchell Grand and Rancid Cherub have all been eliminated!

Zoran brings up a defibulator – shocking the walker, and electrocuting him and Venom in the process. Both men flop to the cold hospital floor – smoking.

Phillips: Bear With Me just ploughing through the entire battle royale-
Magnus: Hey, I could win this thing too if I had a bear with me.
Phillips: Well they have the points, its only a matter of time before Fury and UrsusLa go after Top of the Class – and from what I’m seeing, that will be a battle for the ages!

Crawling out of a pool of blood, Venom stabs Zoran in the leg with a scalpel. Sainovic responds with another defibulator shot.

Phillips: Meanwhile XHF Shockmaster and DINOSAUR BONES are going toe-to-toe!
Magnus: What more could you expect from the HERO of GUNS? Give that lizard what for-

Sadly, just as he’s about to set-up his patented “fall through you” press – XHF Shockmaster accidentally steps on the diminutive Mr. Rip’N’Terror – stumbling backwards over the top rope.

XHF Shockmaster: WHOOOOOOoooooops!

Sylvia Starr: XHF Shockmaster has been eliminated!

Phillips: Shockmaster – the man who rescued the Phoenix from CAR, just taken out by the man- little person- he beat. Rip’N’Terror getting revenge!
Magnus: If Shockmaster wasn’t busy defending our honor against Bones, he never would have fallen for Rip’N’Terror’s dirty tricks!

Dinosaur Bones seems visibly upset that XHF Shockmaster has been eliminated – and turns his attention to Mr. Rip’N’Terror with a snort. Something about the tiny morsel smells familiar. Then it hits him. Bones lets out a hungry roar, before chasing after the masked person.

L.A. Wombat: Thanks for visiting Mister Zor- whoa!

Zoran Sainovic: Sorry Wombat-

Venom: Get back here you son of a bitch!

Wombat Octuplets: AAAAAAH!

L.A. Wombat: It's like I'm seeing double - but I'm not being possessed by you again! Are father, who art in heaven, hallow be thy name-

Venom: What the hell painkillers do they have you on?

Zoran Sainovic: Keep it out of the patience's rooms - you're upsetting the children.

Venom: Drop the nice guy act, you fake!

Back at the hospital, Venom is swinging a wheel chair like a frisbee and frightening Wombat's kids. The former Phoenix champion is currently at Atlanta General and praying for his life, scared out of his wits that he will once again be possessed by the spirit of Demonic Venom. For his part, Zoran is trying to calm the children down, and force Venom back out into the hallway.

Magnus: Leg lariat with that scalpel in the leg looks like it hurt Zoran more than Venom, which is what I like to see!
Phillips: Over at the hospital, the two are throwing gurney after gurney at one another. I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen a police presence yet.
Magnus: Oh, they’re there – you just keep getting distracted by your precious Fury.

BEEF starts to slowly peel himself off the canvas. Fury and UrsusLa exchange knowing nods, before Fury points to the far corner.

Redmond Fury: ONE. MORE. TIME!

There is a mega pop, as UrsusLa starts climbing the corner for a second shooting star press. BEEF is desperate to climb out of his hole, but isn’t crawling fast enough.

Phillips: UrsusLa up top and-

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As Dinosaur turns to try to catch Mr. Rip’N’Stuff in his mouth, its tail swings wild and catches the grizzly bear on the top rope – sending it crashing to the floor.

Sylvia Starr: USUSLA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Redmond Fury leans over the rope, checking to see if UrsusLa is alright. Meanwhile Unboxed Ken tries to get between Bones and its prey-

Sylvia Starr: UNBOXED KEN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Phillips: Fury checking on UrsusLa- wait, here comes BEEF from behind!
Magnus: YES!
Phillips: But the double axe-handle doesn’t knock Fury over the top!
Magnus: NO!
Phillips: Fury with a gorilla press sends BEEF over the top rope-
Magnus: NO!
Phillips: Actually he sends him into the audience, maybe they can catch BEEF and bodysurf him back to the match without elimination?
Magnus: YES!
Phillips: They did not.
Magnus: NO!

Sylvia Starr: BEEF HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

The crowd lose their shit as Fury eliminates Beef. Hopefully they pick it up later, as that is unhygienic.

Magnus: At least there is some good news on the monitor, Venom battering Zoran around with that oxygen tank-
Phillips: Wait, Zoran with a lighter-

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There is a large enough explosion to once again take out the emergency room brawl video feed.

Phillips: Did Zoran just blow Venom up?
Magnus: Second two anyone? Not falling for that shit again.
Phillips: Our focus returning back to the match, we are down to our final three contestants – all former champions!

Dinosaur Bones continues to try to eat Mr. Rip’N’Terror. Terror finally trips on the BEEF sized hole, and Bones lunges in.

Dinosaur Bones: YOU HAVE WORKED UP QUITE AN APETITE, FLESHLING!

The skeleton charges forward – only to be pulled back just before the bite.

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Redmond Fury, recognizing Terror as a small child – grabs the skeletal tail, keeping Bones from making the kill.

Redmond Fury: Why don’t you try picking on someone your own size, Bones!

Dinosaur Bones: WHAT A FEAST THAT WOULD BE.

Swinging its tail around, Bones tries to shake Fury loose while continuing his efforts to eat Terror. The beast lunges at the child again, only for Fury to muscle in a waistlock. Bones bites away at Fury’s neck, trying to rip him off with a Biteplex – but Fury holds on. A forth biteplex attempt does manage to break it, but Fury lands on his feet, and immediately forces a headlock to keep Bones from eating Terror. This position is less than ideal, as Bones scratches the hell out of Fury’s midsection with his tiny T-rex arms.

Phillips: These two put on a number of match of the year contenders, we haven’t seen them cross paths since Fury’s recent injury spells – but listen to that crowd. It’s on!
Magnus: As much as I’d hate to see CAR take our Phoenix, I’m all about spreading the wealth.
Phillips: Fury leaving himself open to abuse, getting damn near bitten in half in an effort to save Mr. Rip’N’Terror – what a man!
Magnus: Get a room.

Apparently oblivious to how much danger he’s in, Mr. Rip’N’Terror continues to bite, kick, and punch Dinosaur Bones’ ankle. Bones tries to step on the annoying little ape, but Fury keeps pulling him away. As Terror opens himself up to being turned into jelly, Fury cranks back on the neck, and in a last ditch effort – hurls himself over the top rope!

Phillips: What is he doing?
Magnus: The idiot!
Phillips: Redmond Fury trying to eliminate himself and Bones in an effort to save Terror!

Bones massive frame rests precariously on the top rope, with Fury acting as dead weight, dangling in the air, trying to pull the monster over the top. Terror continues to scratch away at the dangerously swinging tail.

Phillips: Wait who is that-

Flynn from the popular Disney movie Tangled runs out of the back, and slides under the bottom rope. Putting a protective hand on Terror to keep him back, Flynn shoves Bones hard – with Fury cranking away at the neck, gravity does the rest. Soon Bones, and Fury fall to the floor – unfortunately, Mr. Rip’N’Terror is still hanging onto the tail, and goes for a ride too.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Sylvia Starr: The winner of this battle royal and NEW Phoenix Champion- FLYNN!

Marty Donovan: No wait- I wasn't a partici-

Phillips: Tangled's Flynn has won the Phoenix- wait- that's not Flynn its Marty Donovan! Donovan has finally won an XHF branded title! Despite running the strap down!
Magnus: You know how many GUNS classics were interrupted by that idiot’s pirate broadcasts?

GUNS Fan: Let's string him up.
Another GUNS Fan: Let’s chop his dick off!

An angry mob looks ready to lynch Reedy Creek's Favourite Son.

Magnus (holding up arms): HANG ON, if we kill him, we'll never be able to win the championship back from the hated Hardkore World!

The crowd put down their pitchforks and torches, generally upset there would be some sort of consequence for murdering Marty.

Mr. Rip N Stuff: Mister Marty how could you?

RNS pulls off his elaborate costume to reveal Tinto the CAR Orphan.

Marty Donovan: Tinto I didn't mean to-

Tinto: You've ruined my life!

Crying the little boy runs away. Any excuse to get away from the noose, an apologetic Phoenix champion chases after him. The crowd look generally unhappy with the Marty win, fortunately it doesn’t take long before Redmond Fury and Dinosaur Bones are brawling at ringside – and they are kind of a crowd pleaser.

Dinosaur Bones: YOU HAVE COST ME MY LAST APPETIZER, FURY!

Redmond Fury: It's time someone cut you down to size!

Magnus: Can we get security- to wait and see if Bones is going to eat him, but otherwise get them out of here!
Phillips: First CAR, now Hardkore World by way of CAR, the Phoenix is becoming more of a global title than the X*Crown is…
Magnus: Well, the X*Crown does spend more time in GUNS than our Phoenix does. WAIT, I’m being told we have another signal from the hospital...

Cutting back to Atlanta General, sparks shoot out of broken florescent lights. Burn marks from the explosion eat up the walls of an empty corrodor. Part of the ceiling has collapsed, pinning Zoran Sainovic to the floor. A bloody Venom limps up to the downed former champion. Placing a foot on Zoran’s throat, Venom presses down.

Venom: One. Two. Three.

A fire alarm goes off.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

Venom: Looks like I’ve won. Get used to losing Zoran, there is going to be a lot of it coming your way.

Zoran Sainovic gives Venom a bloody smile, before ramming a scalpel into the GUNS founder’s foot.

Venom: SONOFABITCH-

Zoran Sainovic: ...my... zoughts... precisely...

The sprinklers go off. And with the water, the image cuts out again.



We cut backstage to the Crinkly Bottom Boys’ locker-room.[/b]

Noel Edmonds: Well, that was something...

Mr. Blobby can be seen with his head in his hands, the shame of being taken down by a Young Lion is almost too much to bear.

Noel Edmonds: Aren’t you glad I didn’t let you bring your Katana with you now? I’d be knee deep in pink and yellow entrails by now…

With his head still in his hands, Mr. Blobby openly weeps.

Mr. Blobby: BLO-BLOBBY!!!

Noel Edmonds: Relax, Blobster. It’s not the end of the world, it just shows us what kind of a company Magnus is and more importantly, what the XHF Network truly is about!

Blobby’s head pops up, tears still visible on his cheeks. His face is a mixture of confusion and surprise.

Noel Edmonds:We deserve better, far better than we’ve been given since we lost those titles to the New Age Killers. It’s almost as if they don’t give any respect to the history-makers amongst them. First, BB Gunn had us in matches less prestigious than the changing of Copycat’s underwear…

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!!

Noel Edmonds:Well, yes, it only happens every third leap year but still. We didn’t even make it onto the lost show but that’s okay. The reason it never got broadcast is simple…

Edmonds pulls out a memory card.

Noel Edmonds: THIS….this is the only copy. I KNOW WHO WON THE G1!!! But that’s worth nothing to us, but in ten years time….eBay…

Blobby cocks his head as if wondering where this is going.

Noel Edmonds: Is it any wonder that despite us having all the points, we’re not given a shot against Top of the Class? Obviously, part of the reason is that they KNOW we’re the best team on the Network but wrestling is also about presentation and NLW killed off that groundswell of support we’d gained. Aren’t you sick of seeing teams like Tilted Cartridges or the Black Knife Cabal getting title shots?

Mr. Blobby: BLOB BLOBBARD BLOB!

Noel Edmonds: Don’t be silly, Blob, The Bastards won’t ever get a tag-team title shot! But I digress…I looked into the possibility of getting a shot at the GUNS Tag Team titles and do you think The Guns looked impressed?

Blobby raises an eyebrow.

Noel Edmonds: They were less impressed than when Admiral Nelson was told he was disqualified from the 1794 Magic Eye competition on medical grounds. No, Blobby. We haven’t a hope in hell of getting them to put their belts up but from every cloud forms a silver lining and I have realized what ours is…

Blobby sits up with rapt attention.

Noel Edmonds: We’re the best tag-team on the Network and thus, by default, we’re the best team in GUNS by a country mile. In fact, I sat down and really broke this down and came to the conclusion that we’re better than every team by such a margin that really, when we think about it, we shouldn’t be competing with them for something as banal and common as a Tag-Team title, we’ve evolved past it. We’re British for God’s sake!

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!!

Noel Edmonds:Didn’t Queen Liz give you a CBE?

Blobby nods.

Noel Edmonds: Exactly, and I’m blacklisted for jokingly calling Prince Andrew a nonce way back in eighty-five…

Blobby shakes his head.

Noel Edmonds: I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS MOST LIKELY TRUE!!!

Blobby flashes his CBE.

Noel Edmonds: But to get back to the point. We’re on a different plane, of a different class to the rest of the rabble. They’ve got no class, no decorum and, quite frankly, we debase ourselves even entering the ring with them.

Mr. Blobby: Blob-blob blob?

Noel Edmonds: Here’s what we’re going to do, Blobert. We are now the owners of new titles, ones that are far more prestigious and, dare I say, elite than what The Guns or Top of the Class have!

Blobby looks excited.

Edmonds reaches into a cupboard inside their dressing room and pulls out two trophies.



Noel Edmonds: We are now the Gentleman’s Pairs Champions!!

Sylvia Starr: Ladies and gentlemen... the following contest is the MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING, held under standard singles match rules, and is a UNIFICATION match with the VICTORY Pro World Championship on the line against the XHF X*Crown!

The Atlanta crowd is nothing short of electric! They are fired up and ready for a fun X*Crown Championship match!

There’s a moment of silence inside of the arena as the crowd awaits the next match, but then the lights inside of the arena dim to darkness and the crowd sits in silence, but then they hear the words speaking through the P.A. System and that signals for them to begin booing upon knowing who it might be:

“TAKE ALL MY MONEY
TAKE ALL MY MONEY, HONEY
TAKE ALL MY MONEY AND BLOW (BLOW, BLOW)”

The crowd inside of the building began to cheer loudly as the vocals of “Blow” begin to play through the speakers, the lights beginning to spiral around the arena before bringing them all around onto the stage where The Last Breathing Mercenary steps through the curtain, a large grin along his face as he stops at the top of the ramp and looks around the arena. The camera panned closer toward the man as he began his slow walk down to the ring, soaking in every second that the crowd showed their love for Long.

Sylvia Starr: Introducing first… wrestling out of Wexford Town, County Wexford, Ireland, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and fourteen pounds… he is the final VICTORY Pro World Champion… THE LAST BREATHING MERCENARY… JAAAAASOOOONNNNNNN LOOOOOOOOONNGGGGGGGG!!!!

Long finds himself at ringside as his ring introduction is made, taking a moment to stand there and take a deep breath before turning to walk over to the steps and head up along them to get onto the ring apron. From there, he brushes his feet along the apron, removes his newly mint "The Last Crusade" shirt, and steps through the ropes. Long heads into the furthest corner and steps onto the second ropes, keeping himself up high as he looks out through the crowd– which only brings an enormous smile along his face, slightly laughing at the crowd, before leaping off of the apron and staying within the corner to prepare himself for the match.

Phillips: The Last Breathing Mercenary is here and ready to remove our X*Crown Champion from his throne!
Magnus: The sooner he loses the sooner I stop paying him.
Phillips: But the sooner he loses Mongo stops cutting checks for the X*Crown being here.
Magnus: A small price to pay for salvation.

The heavy strums of a guitar play as the lights dim and swirl around the arena.

You say I need psychotherapy
Now you're making me mad
I say you quit trying to fix me
Or this is gonna get bad

All the spotlights convene on the stage where a figure rises from the stage. He slowly spins with his arms outstretched, lights shining off two championships around his neck.

If you want a battle, I'll give you a war
Think you control me, don't know what you're in for
Keep coming at me, keep coming, you'll see
Keep pushing, keep pushing, pushing on me

IF YOU WANT CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!
I'LL GIVE YOU PSYCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dylan flips his hair back as the lights come up with the chorus. He pauses at the top of the stage and gestures to the titles around his neck- his custom X*Crown belt and the ICW Championship clasped together over his shoulders. He kisses the X*Crown and slowly makes his way down the ramp, eliciting boos and pelted trash from the front row. He stands at the end of the ramp and stares at Jason Long, not breaking eye contact as he climbs the stairs and through the ropes into the ring. Dylan unclasps the X*Crown and ICW Championships and raises them both in the air in front of Jason, who raises the VICTORY Pro World Championship back. Dylan then tosses the ICW Championship out of the ring, handing the X*Crown to Referee Luke Langley as Jason seethes in the corner. Antonio Katō is standing on the ring apron, ready to stand in for Sylvia.

Antonio Katō: And now in the ring at this time... HE STANDS AT SIX-FEET-THREE-INCHES TALL, and weighed in tonight at a slim TWO-HUNDRED-AND-SEVEN-POUNDS, he is the GREATEST UNDERAPPRECIATED NETWORK STAR, ZORAN SAINOVIC'S SUPER FRENEMY, and you all know him as the GREATEST X*CROWN CHAMPION OF THE XHF NETWORK ERA! THE DAAAAAAAAAEMON! OF MAAAAAAAYHEM! DYLAAAAAAAAAAAN! BLAAAAAAAAAACK!

Magnus: A complete lack of respect for one of the many world titles within the X*Crown. Figures our champion is a massive dick.
Phillips: My notes say that Dylan and Jason's careers started in ICW and while neither claimed the ICW Championship it was very important in the growing phases of their careers. Jason's Icon mate Jack Diamond was the only holder of that belt and I believe that was just to get under Jason's skin.
Magnus: Jason seems to be keeping his cool now though.

X*CROWN / VICTORY PRO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS UNIFICATION MATCH
STANDARD WRESTLING RULES
DYLAN BLACK (c.) VS JASON LONG (c.)

DING DING! DING DING!

There's a buzz in the air as Dylan and Jason are about a foot apart in the middle of the ring. Jason cracks a grin on his face and gestures with a too-sweet in the air trying to get Dylan to return it. Dylan's face is stone cold as he simply makes a finger gun to the too-sweet. Jason's smile fades and he grabs Dylan's wrist, trying to pull him in for a BLADE RUNNER II, a ripcord lariat! But Dylan ducks under, grabbing Jason and lifting him up, depositing him with a release backdrop suplex! Jason lands on his feet and tries to snipe Dylan with a lethal spinning back kick that Dylan blocks! He drives a knee into Jason's gut and grabs the back of his head, bringing an elbow down on that surgically repaired neck of the final VICTORY Pro World Champion! Jason drops to his knees and Dylan runs the ropes, circling back with a dropkick that sends Jason into the ropes!

Jason rolls onto the apron and shakes the cobwebs as he uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. But Dylan is running the ropes now, he charges at Jason and Jay hits him with a pele kick that sends him stumbling back! Jason flips over the ropes and blasts Dylan with a lariat! With the X*Crown Champion toppled in the ring, Jason takes a moment to breathe before he gets to work, grabbing Dylan's arm and stomping on the joints! Dylan is trying to pull his arm away but Jay stands on his hand and just stamps down on his elbow! Dylan clobbers Jason in the knee and rolls away nursing his arm, but it isn't long before Jason grabs him by the hair and lifts him up, yelling in his face before he Irish whips the X*Crown Champion into the ropes. On the rebound, Jason drives a high knee into the face of Dylan Black, busting him open! Dylan holds his nose as blood pours from between his fingers, a scowl on his face!

Phillips: Already Dylan Black has been busted open!
Magnus: That was a successful FO, Dylan's going to suffer from bleed damage through the rest of the match!

The Artist Formerly Known as Maverick grabs at Dylan's hands and drives a boma ye into the champion's face! Dylan is flat-backed on the mat and Jason hooks a leg, the referee counts one! Kickout. Dylan powers a shoulder into the air and shakes his head. Jason soccer kicks Dylan onto his stomach and lodges a foot under Dylan's chin, using it to lift Dylan to a standing position. SPINNING HEEL KICK! No, Dylan grabs the leg and sweeps Jason's other leg, he rolls over and lifts Jason in a powerbomb position, BLUE THUNDER BOMB BY THE CHAMPION! Dylan rolls backward, setting his nose in the ring before taking a palm full of blood and writing his initials on Jay's chest! Marking him a victim of Dylan's violent tendencies! Dylan nails an open-palm slap, paint brushing Jason across the face leaving a bloody handprint dragged along it as Jay is stunned. Dylan drives a few stiff elbows into Jason's head, knocking him to a knee before a scissor kick off the ropes plants Jason on the ground. Dylan looks at the downed Catalyst of Professional Wrestling and rolls under the bottom ropes, grabbing Jason by the arms and dragging him so he is hanging on the bottom rope. Dylan then climbs onto the ring apron, a look of pure malice in his eyes.

Magnus: Oh no. Dylan looking to repeat Call to Arms 2020! He nearly ended Jason's career then, and he's going to try for it again now!
Phillips: Move Jason, move!

Dylan runs for a stomp on the apron but Jason pushes himself off the ropes, leaving Dylan to stomp the mat. He stumbles forward into the ring post, almost eating it. Dylan climbs onto the second rope, watching as Mav tries to collect his bearings in the ring. He has no idea he's in the splash zone as Dylan comes off the top with a frog splash! He bounces hard off the final VICTORY Pro World Champion and scrambles for a cover, securing a one-count before Jason kicks out of the aerial move. Dylan punches the mat in frustration and starts teeing off Jason Long, raining punches on the TAPOUT star. Jason blocks a punch and grabs Dylan's arm, pulling it and rolling him over for an ANACONDA VICE! Jason has the hold too loose and Dylan squirms out, kicking him square in the chest for his troubles. Dylan and Jason are both on opposite sides of the ring, recovering before they rise to their feet in unison. They turn and see the other on their feet and charge to the middle of the ring, fists flying as the champions duke it out!

Jason gets the advantage and powers Dylan back into a corner, laying into him with lefts and rights wearing down the X*Crown Champion. Dylan absorbs some punishment before pushing Jason back with a firm kick to the chest that sends him topping back across the ring. Dylan charges out of the corner and is met with a spear that breaks him in half! Jason punches the air and grabs Dylan by the hair, deadlifting him off the ground! VANGUARD DRIVER! DYLAN IS DROPPED ON TOP OF HIS HEAD WITH A PILEDRIVER AND JASON ROLLS HIM OVER FOR THE COVER, ONE, KICKOUT! Dylan is rolled to the side of Jay, his eyes are rolled in the back of his head and he twitches in pain after that devastating move. Jason grabs Dylan and lifts him up again, he's going for a second deadlift piledriver! But he holds Dylan straight up in the air for fifteen to twenty seconds letting all the blood rush to his head. Jason looks ready to spike Dylan down when Dylan takes a knee and drives it into his head! Jason drops Dylan down, who tumbles to the floor but gets to his knees fairly quickly. Jason rushes Dylan for some running move but Dylan counters with an arm-trap neckbreaker!

Now with some serious time to breathe, Dylan pulls himself into a corner and sits on the top turnbuckle, looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist. He shakes his head and Dylan hops down, slowly picking up Jason and yelling something, just barely audible to the cameras.

Dylan Black: How's your mother?

Jason's eyes light up and he shoves Dylan backward! Dylan slams into the ref and Luke Langley takes a neck bump! He falls on the ground and Jason begins to stomp on Dylan with no remorse, but in his moment of rage, he doesn't notice as two hooded figures pop up on the sides of him and knock him with a clothesline/dropkick combo!

Magnus: What the hell?

The two hooded figures begin laying boots into Jason Long before unzipping their hoodies. A familiar Violent stable logo is seen as Phillips groans.

Phillips: It's EVE!

Darlene and Big Bad Wolf smile wolfish grins at Dylan, who's laughing as he pulls himself to his feet. The trio gets back to laying boots in the TAPOUT star for a few moments before Dylan begins directing traffic. Bigby grabs Jason by the throat and lifts him up, so they're face to face, Jason's feet dangling off the ground. Bigby powers Jason up off the ground for THE FEEDING! Chokeslam lifts up into a sit-out powerbomb! Jason is on the mat and Dar lifts him up, whipping him into the ropes and dropping him with a cutter! The RU486!

Magnus: This was a setup all along! Dylan wanted Jason to throw him into the ref, he wanted him to get emotional!
Phillips: And it was all a setup for a damn mugging!

Dylan rolled out of the ring during this and grabbed a chair, rolling back into the ring. The camera cuts to the front row where Rival Promoter Osawa taking notes and shaking his head. Dylan puts the chair under Mav's head and grabs his hands, pulling him back for a dynamic outro! But the lights cut out and no one knows what happened, when they come back up an older being with pure white eyes and a chiseled jaw stands behind Darlene and Bigby, running the ropes and BLASTING THEM WITH TWO HIGH-POWERED LARIATS TO THE BACKS OF THEIR HEADS!

Phillips: Who the hell is that?
Magnus: I believe he is called "Meliodas." A god of the Infinity Realms who keeps a watchful eye over Jason Long. I think he saw this injustice and wanted to right the wrongs!

Dylan sees the pale god and rushes him with the chair but Meliodas stops him with a heart punch! While he doesn't strike through Dylan's torso, it's with enough force to drop Dylan like a sack of potatoes. Security rushes the ring to remove Meliodas and EVE from the premises when the lights cut out again. When they come back, Meliodas is gone leaving just Jason and Dylan in the ring. The chair between them. Security drags EVE up the ramp as the crowd is singing "Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye." Once everyone is gone, referee Luke Langley is finally coming back to his senses and stands up in the ring, seeing both wrestlers on the mat and a chair between them. He kicks the chair out of the ring and begins the 10 counts to see if they can get to their feet.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Phillips: Oh man, this match might end in a draw.
Magnus: Can you imagine the audacity of someone who books a draw?

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

Phillips: I think we're closing in on a draw Magnus!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

Magnus: Come on Jason, get up!

NINE!

AND BOTH MEN KIP UP BEFORE THE TENTH COUNT! THE MATCH GOES ON!

THE DUO IMMEDIATELY CHARGE EACH OTHER FUELED BY THE SECOND WINDS AND BEGIN EXCHANGING BOMBS WITH EACH OTHER! WITH STIFF PUNCHES AND HARD FOREARM STRIKES, JASON AND DYLAN ARE RELEASING YEARS OF PENT-UP AGGRESSION AND JEALOUSY ON ONE ANOTHER! DYLAN WILDLY SWINGS A HAYMAKEER AND JASON DUCKS, DUMPING HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER ONTO THE FLOOR! JASON SPINS AROUND AND DROPS A FIST ON DYLAN BUT DYLAN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! JASON PUNCHES THE MAT AND EATS A KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD FROM DYLAN!

Dylan pushes himself to his feet but Jason shakes the cobwebs and tries to nail Dylan with a thrust kick! He connects! CAPTURE THE CROWN! He hooks Dylan's legs and makes a cover. One, two, kick out! Jason is frustrated.

Jason Long: Stay the fuck down! You don't deserve your crown!

Jason rolls out of the ring and grabs the ICW Championship from the timekeeper's area. He brings it into the ring and fights with Luke Langley to keep it in. Jay pushes past Luke and drops the ICW Title, grabbing Dylan by the hair and holding his face inches from the center plate.

Jason Long: Look at this! You don't deserve to even be in the same room as this belt! I will rip this from you and give it back to Jack! I'm the hero of this story!

Jason lets go of Dylan and runs the ropes, coming back to an ICONKICK from Dylan Black! Jason is stunned and Dylan nails a spinning heel kick to Jason's gut, leaving him bent over the ICW Championship. Dylan runs the ropes this time, jumping up for a VANITY KILLER! HE JUST STOLE JASON'S FINISHING MOVE! CURB STOMP ON THE ICW TITLE! Dylan throws the championship out of the ring and checks on the referee, bringing him over to count the pin. This is it! One, two, KICKOUT! JASON KICKS OUT OF THE VANITY KILLER! DYLAN HAS A VEIN ABOUT TO BURST IN HIS FOREHEAD AS HE GRABS JAY BY THE FACE, SPINS HIM AROUND, AND LIFTS HIM ONTO HIS SHOULDERS! JASON PUSHES OFF OF DYLAN'S SHOULDERS AND LIFTS HIM ONTO HIS OWN SHOULDERS! RAGNARÖK! JASON PLANTED DYLAN WITH THE PENTAGON DRIVER! HE HOOKS DYLAN'S LEG! THIS IS IT, ONLY THREE PEOPLE HAVE KICKED OUT OF THIS MOVE! ONE! TWO!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KIIIIIIIIIIIIICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!

DYLAN KICKED OUT OF HIS OWN FINISHER! HE'S DONE IT BEFORE AND DID IT AGAIN!

Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME! clap clap clapclapclap

Jason is on the mat, panting and tired. Dylan is still folded over from the Pentagon Driver and twitches violently. Jason slowly crawls to Dylan, wrapping a hand around Dylan's throat and choking him out. Dylan's eyes bug out and Luke Langley begins to count him. One! Two! Three! Jason lets go. Jason pulls himself to his feet, he's using the ropes just to stand but he's ready to rumble. He's begging Dylan to stay down, this is his time and Dylan needs to pass the torch. Dylan shakes his head, he can't let it happen. Jason watches Dylan get to his feet. Jason runs the ropes. Goes for something, anything, it doesn't matter. Dylan BLASTS him with a palm strike. Not enough to knock him down but good enough to stun him.

Having put a temporary stop to the VICTORY Pro World Champion's efforts, Dylan Irish whips Jason into a corner. He takes Jay's legs and drapes them over the second rope before putting a finger gun to Jay's head. Dylan takes a few steps back and runs forward, punting Jason right in his Longs! GOLD RUSH! Jason's eyes roll back as he slumps forward as Dylan steps through the ropes and climbs onto the top turnbuckle, jumping off with a mushroom stomp to Jason's back! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! Jason slumps over on the ground and Dylan drags him to the center of the ring, placing a foot on the back of his neck and holding his arms out to the sides. He smirks as the crowd rains boos down on him. He steps off his challenger and kicks dirt in his face, showing great amounts of disrespect to the former X*Crown Champion.

Dylan kneels beside Jason and gives him a couple of light slaps to the face.

Dylan Black: Say hi to your mom for me.

He slaps Jason again.

Dylan Black: Oh wait, she's dead.

Another slap.

Dylan Black: It's a shame she can never tell you she's proud of you again.

Dylan winds back for a final slap but Jason counters! He grabs Dylan's hand and headbutts him hard in the already broken nose! Dylan tumbles backward and he sits on his knees holding his nose. Jason grabs one of his arms and spins it around before wrapping an arm around Dylan's throat! JASON HAS THE SANCTIFICATION LOCKED IN! THE ARM-TRAPPED GROUNDED DRAGON SLEEPER IS SLAPPED ONTO DYLAN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! DYLAN IS REACHING OUT FOR THE ROPES, HIS REIGN IS IN JEOPARDY! DYLAN TRIES TO SCRATCH AND CLAW, DRAGGING HIMSELF THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE FOR SALVATION!

Magnus: I THINK WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A NEW X*CROWN CHAMPION!
Phillips: DYLAN'S REGRETTING THAT DEAL WITH THE DEVIL NOW! THOSE ROBOT LIMBS WOULDN'T HAVE HURT IN THIS HOLD!

DYLAN IS INCHING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE ROPES, USING HIS FREE ARM TO TRY AND PULL HIMSELF AND THEN PUSHING FORWARD WITH HIS LEGS! HE GETS ALL THE WAY TO THE EDGE OF THE RING AND LATCHES ON WITH HIS FREE HAND! Referee Luke Langley tells Jay to let go of the ropes but he refuses, ready to issue as much punishment as he can in the latter half of this match. The ref begins counting Jason, one! Two! Three! Four! Five! Wait, what? Ring that bell!

DING DING! DING DING!

Phillips: Jason got himself disqualified!
Magnus: He lost control of his emotions and ignored the ref's counts.

Sylvia Starr: The winner of this match as a result of a disqualification, and still the XHF X*Crown Champion, DYLAN BLACK! However with the lack of a clear winner, Jason Long's VICTORY Pro World Championship will not be unified into the X*Crown!

Magnus: Jason gets to keep his title for one more last, last crusade!
Phillips: Yeah but since he didn't win tonight he's going to destroy Dylan!

Jason has dragged Dylan back to the middle of the ring, stomping away on the X*Crown Champion! The champion grabs Jason's leg and twists it around, putting him in a REAPER DEATH SEAL in the middle of the ring! Security flooded the ring, dragging these two men apart. Jason gets dragged up the ramp while Dylan is dragged back through the crowd. There's a sense in the audience that the animosity between these two is far from over.

[Venom 🕷]

Live!