Post by Rage and Cage on Feb 18, 2023 14:17:19 GMT -5
As “play” is hit, Wesley Rage appears on screen. The decor is a dead giveaway that he is in a suite as “The High Roller” Wesley Crane’s casino. He sits on the leather couch with a beautiful woman on either side of him and one behind him. He is shirtless and is only wearing his Communist bedazzled red jeans.
Rage: Fellow humans in the proletariat, it is me, “Woke” Wesley Rage! I’m giving you regressive WUK fans a treat by debuting the part of my persona that we call “The Simp Superman”. As you see, the only way to truly respect a woman is to compensate her!
Rage reaches into his front pocket and pulls out some cash. He evenly redistributes it to the ladies. The ladies gladly take the money and fawn over Rage.
Rage: Yeah, that feels right! This is how to live!
Rage throws his head back and enjoys the attention. The screen starts shaking like there’s an earthquake. Rage looks back at the camera and notices someone waving at him.
Rage: Oh, yeah. As always, I’m accompanied by my brother and tag team partner, Nicholas Honest Cage.
Cage changes the camera view on the phone and stares into the screen.
Cage: I know you aren’t used to me being behind the camera, but I need to grow as an entertainer. Don’t worry, I plan to give my director’s commentary live!
Cage switches camera, and the shot is back on Rage.
Rage: That’s right, Nic! I look forward to hearing about it. Almost as much as the next Legacy!
Cage: TAG.TEAM.GAUNTLET!
Cage sounds like a smug DJ, but he’s right.
Rage: Rage and Cage will be crowned the new WUK Tag Team Champions, and no one can do anything about it.
The ladies get closer to Rage, who eats it up. The one behind him leans over and lets her breasts lay on either side of Rage’s head. Rage holds him a hand in protest.
Rage: Whoa whoa! Appreciate the enthusiasm, but we don’t do that Disney bullshit here.
Cage: Those bastards have our other World Title!
Rage turns to the lady behind him.
Rage: Sorry about that. Any thoughts of that garbage heap known as HKW really upset me. I’ve been talking with my therapist, but mental health takes time.
The lady is fine with it. She leans over and rests her cheek next to Rage’s and rubs his chest.
Rage: Now, people have been tweeting me…that’s right, tweeting, you’re not running me off, Adolf Musk…anyway, they’ve been tweeting me and asking me why Nic and I aren’t talking about the other teams. Nic, would you like to publicly address them?
Cage: BE-CAUSE.FUCK.THEM.OTHER.TEAMS!
Rage: His middle name isn’t Honest for no reason. Unlike the Florida Department of Health lying about jabs, we’re righteous and real!
Cage: The realest!
Rage: Blood can pump in all the fodder he wants, but everyone knows it will come down to Rage and Cage and the Bastards. We’re not wasting time with the rest.
Rage looks at ladies.
Rage: As you can see, we don’t waste time on the unworthy.
Cage: Only the finest! Like them candy bars we sold at school!
Rage: I know we sound cocky, but if you were sitting here, wouldn’t you be cocky, too?
Rage winks to the woman on his left as he says “cocky”.
Cage: IT’S A DOUBLE ENTENDRE, YOU SEE!
Rage: Unlike Rob Riot and Frank Windsor, I have a World Championship on my résumé. I’m one-fifth of the current WUK World Champion along with Wesley Crane, Henderson, Preston Reese, and my brother.
Cage: The Glucks didn’t make the cut!
Rage: So, as you can see, it’s a done deal. New tag champs on Legacy. It’s not even news, anymore.
Cage: Fake news!
Rage glares at Cage.
Cage: Yeah, just heard it. I’ll edit it out before posting.
Rage: So, unlike others, I’m not here to talk about winning. We’ve already won. I’m here as a caring human being. Once I’m done with this video, I am personally calling mental health officials in Seattle to let them know that Frank Windsor is a candidate to commit self-harm. Not little Robby, but big, bad Frankie.
Cage: Notify the NHS back in Britain, too!
Rage: Good thinking, Nic. There’s a reason for this. Frank Windsor is the weak link of the Bastards. He’s got nothing. Rob Riot is a future “never was”, but he hasn’t accepted it, yet. He honestly believes he has a future. He’ll be fine for a little while longer. He can console himself with the Colonization Title that no one in the company wants.
Cage: I forgot it was still a thing!
Rage: The only thing lower than absolute zero is the value of Rob Riot’s singles title! But at least he has something. The other Bastard, Billy Fowler, has a future of attending conventions and signing pictures for the same eight fans who show up to see the former WUK World Champion. At least he had some glory.
Cage: He’ll always be the loser Wesley Crane beat to win our World Title!
Rage: Forever and always. Frank Windsor, however, has nothing. He was carried to the tag team titles. Once Rob Riot realizes how much better his life is working alone, Frank Windsor will be all alone. Maybe it happens at Legacy.
Cage: It’s definitely happening at Legacy, for real.
Rage: Now, Frankie, I’m not going to lie and say that there are people who love you and that you’d be missed. No one cares about you, and no one would miss you. You’re a horrible person. That said, if you did inflict self-harm, people would be talking about that instead of the new Tag Team Champions.
Cage: That’s plain selfish!
Rage: Whenever you guys get around to addressing the public…
Cage: Sandbagging pussies!
Rage nods.
Rage: Promise you won’t take the easy way out after you lose.
Video ends
Rage: Fellow humans in the proletariat, it is me, “Woke” Wesley Rage! I’m giving you regressive WUK fans a treat by debuting the part of my persona that we call “The Simp Superman”. As you see, the only way to truly respect a woman is to compensate her!
Rage reaches into his front pocket and pulls out some cash. He evenly redistributes it to the ladies. The ladies gladly take the money and fawn over Rage.
Rage: Yeah, that feels right! This is how to live!
Rage throws his head back and enjoys the attention. The screen starts shaking like there’s an earthquake. Rage looks back at the camera and notices someone waving at him.
Rage: Oh, yeah. As always, I’m accompanied by my brother and tag team partner, Nicholas Honest Cage.
Cage changes the camera view on the phone and stares into the screen.
Cage: I know you aren’t used to me being behind the camera, but I need to grow as an entertainer. Don’t worry, I plan to give my director’s commentary live!
Cage switches camera, and the shot is back on Rage.
Rage: That’s right, Nic! I look forward to hearing about it. Almost as much as the next Legacy!
Cage: TAG.TEAM.GAUNTLET!
Cage sounds like a smug DJ, but he’s right.
Rage: Rage and Cage will be crowned the new WUK Tag Team Champions, and no one can do anything about it.
The ladies get closer to Rage, who eats it up. The one behind him leans over and lets her breasts lay on either side of Rage’s head. Rage holds him a hand in protest.
Rage: Whoa whoa! Appreciate the enthusiasm, but we don’t do that Disney bullshit here.
Cage: Those bastards have our other World Title!
Rage turns to the lady behind him.
Rage: Sorry about that. Any thoughts of that garbage heap known as HKW really upset me. I’ve been talking with my therapist, but mental health takes time.
The lady is fine with it. She leans over and rests her cheek next to Rage’s and rubs his chest.
Rage: Now, people have been tweeting me…that’s right, tweeting, you’re not running me off, Adolf Musk…anyway, they’ve been tweeting me and asking me why Nic and I aren’t talking about the other teams. Nic, would you like to publicly address them?
Cage: BE-CAUSE.FUCK.THEM.OTHER.TEAMS!
Rage: His middle name isn’t Honest for no reason. Unlike the Florida Department of Health lying about jabs, we’re righteous and real!
Cage: The realest!
Rage: Blood can pump in all the fodder he wants, but everyone knows it will come down to Rage and Cage and the Bastards. We’re not wasting time with the rest.
Rage looks at ladies.
Rage: As you can see, we don’t waste time on the unworthy.
Cage: Only the finest! Like them candy bars we sold at school!
Rage: I know we sound cocky, but if you were sitting here, wouldn’t you be cocky, too?
Rage winks to the woman on his left as he says “cocky”.
Cage: IT’S A DOUBLE ENTENDRE, YOU SEE!
Rage: Unlike Rob Riot and Frank Windsor, I have a World Championship on my résumé. I’m one-fifth of the current WUK World Champion along with Wesley Crane, Henderson, Preston Reese, and my brother.
Cage: The Glucks didn’t make the cut!
Rage: So, as you can see, it’s a done deal. New tag champs on Legacy. It’s not even news, anymore.
Cage: Fake news!
Rage glares at Cage.
Cage: Yeah, just heard it. I’ll edit it out before posting.
Rage: So, unlike others, I’m not here to talk about winning. We’ve already won. I’m here as a caring human being. Once I’m done with this video, I am personally calling mental health officials in Seattle to let them know that Frank Windsor is a candidate to commit self-harm. Not little Robby, but big, bad Frankie.
Cage: Notify the NHS back in Britain, too!
Rage: Good thinking, Nic. There’s a reason for this. Frank Windsor is the weak link of the Bastards. He’s got nothing. Rob Riot is a future “never was”, but he hasn’t accepted it, yet. He honestly believes he has a future. He’ll be fine for a little while longer. He can console himself with the Colonization Title that no one in the company wants.
Cage: I forgot it was still a thing!
Rage: The only thing lower than absolute zero is the value of Rob Riot’s singles title! But at least he has something. The other Bastard, Billy Fowler, has a future of attending conventions and signing pictures for the same eight fans who show up to see the former WUK World Champion. At least he had some glory.
Cage: He’ll always be the loser Wesley Crane beat to win our World Title!
Rage: Forever and always. Frank Windsor, however, has nothing. He was carried to the tag team titles. Once Rob Riot realizes how much better his life is working alone, Frank Windsor will be all alone. Maybe it happens at Legacy.
Cage: It’s definitely happening at Legacy, for real.
Rage: Now, Frankie, I’m not going to lie and say that there are people who love you and that you’d be missed. No one cares about you, and no one would miss you. You’re a horrible person. That said, if you did inflict self-harm, people would be talking about that instead of the new Tag Team Champions.
Cage: That’s plain selfish!
Rage: Whenever you guys get around to addressing the public…
Cage: Sandbagging pussies!
Rage nods.
Rage: Promise you won’t take the easy way out after you lose.
Video ends