Post by Rage and Cage on Mar 1, 2023 17:57:02 GMT -5
In a segment that didn’t make it on TV, but was posted on WUK social media feeds, Nicholas Honest Cage and “Woke” Wesley Rage are standing in the back with the exclusive interviewer of the High Rollers Club, Katie Moss.
Moss: Rage and Cage, you fared well in the gauntlet, but came up short. What are your thoughts on your match tonight?
Cage: Every great story seems to begin with a snake. The first WUK Tag Team title reign of Rage and Cage was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too short thanks to those snakes, The Bastards!
Rage: We were there, Nic!
Rage stomps around the interview area cursing and kicking anything he thinks won’t hurt him to kick. He eventually winds up back next to Moss.
Rage: WE.WERE.THERE! We found paradise. The inevitable war took place. The revolution conquered and consumed the rich. We had it, then the Bastards stole it away! The cheating, hwite boys choose to exploit all notions of fairness to rob the people of their gold!
Rage gives a high-pitched scream and resumes trashing the interview area.
Cage: You can't make your choices based on what critics think. You have to make your choices based on what's honest for you. That’s certainly easy for me! That’s easy for Wes! That’s easy for Mr. Crane! We only needed to fight once to win the WUK Tag Team titles!
Rage pulls the mic back toward himself.
Rage: Bastards! You lost twice, and we only lost once! You tried to defend your titles and lost immediately. You snuck back in, stole the belts back, then lost them again! You are the epitome of hwite mediocrity! You fail upwards and think it’s because you're special. Bastards, you aren’t special. You’re typical, privileged trash, and WE’RE THE FUCKING GARBAGEMEN!
Rage stomps off again.
Cage: If you're really special, meaning you're doing something unique and original, it could scare people. WUK is scared. The Bastards are scared! Yeah, we’ve read the posts on Twitter that say St. Patrick’s Day Massacre is being called Bastardpalooza! It’s all set up so nicely! Fowler or Riot wins the World Title. Riot doesn’t defend his Commonwealth Title. Frank Windsor wins the TV Title. None of them defend the Tag Titles. Mark our words, you’re not leaving the PPV with all the titles!
Rage returns.
Rage: Never gonna happen, Bastards! Bastardpalooza is the next Fyre Festival!
Cage: Some things are true whether you believe in them or not, and the honest truth is that “Big Brain” Wesley Crane has a plan! Preston Reese has already entered the World Title shot battle royal, and Rage and Cage are entering, too! That title shot will be property of the High Rollers Club! When Mr. Crane wins, we’ll all stand in the ring at the PPV in May and pose for thirty minutes. It’ll be the best main event WUK will ever have! However, in the unlikely scenario that Mr. Crane loses in the Chamber, we’ll give the shot to him to take back our title!
Moss: Wow, what a scoop! Thanks guys!
Cage looks at Moss and smirks.
Cage: It’s what we do. There’s a reason I play the hero in most of my movies.
Rage: WUK, you better get used to Rage and Cage because, in my brother’s words, we’re gonna be featured in every title match! We’re gonna collectively win the battle royal! We’re gonna be there to make sure Frank Windsor comes up short! Finally, we’re gonna be in the Chamber to protect the People’s World Title!
Rage stomps off.
Moss: Before you go, what are your thoughts on Salt and Pepper?
Cage: Too much of either can ruin a sandwich.
Moss: Rage and Cage, you fared well in the gauntlet, but came up short. What are your thoughts on your match tonight?
Cage: Every great story seems to begin with a snake. The first WUK Tag Team title reign of Rage and Cage was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too short thanks to those snakes, The Bastards!
Rage: We were there, Nic!
Rage stomps around the interview area cursing and kicking anything he thinks won’t hurt him to kick. He eventually winds up back next to Moss.
Rage: WE.WERE.THERE! We found paradise. The inevitable war took place. The revolution conquered and consumed the rich. We had it, then the Bastards stole it away! The cheating, hwite boys choose to exploit all notions of fairness to rob the people of their gold!
Rage gives a high-pitched scream and resumes trashing the interview area.
Cage: You can't make your choices based on what critics think. You have to make your choices based on what's honest for you. That’s certainly easy for me! That’s easy for Wes! That’s easy for Mr. Crane! We only needed to fight once to win the WUK Tag Team titles!
Rage pulls the mic back toward himself.
Rage: Bastards! You lost twice, and we only lost once! You tried to defend your titles and lost immediately. You snuck back in, stole the belts back, then lost them again! You are the epitome of hwite mediocrity! You fail upwards and think it’s because you're special. Bastards, you aren’t special. You’re typical, privileged trash, and WE’RE THE FUCKING GARBAGEMEN!
Rage stomps off again.
Cage: If you're really special, meaning you're doing something unique and original, it could scare people. WUK is scared. The Bastards are scared! Yeah, we’ve read the posts on Twitter that say St. Patrick’s Day Massacre is being called Bastardpalooza! It’s all set up so nicely! Fowler or Riot wins the World Title. Riot doesn’t defend his Commonwealth Title. Frank Windsor wins the TV Title. None of them defend the Tag Titles. Mark our words, you’re not leaving the PPV with all the titles!
Rage returns.
Rage: Never gonna happen, Bastards! Bastardpalooza is the next Fyre Festival!
Cage: Some things are true whether you believe in them or not, and the honest truth is that “Big Brain” Wesley Crane has a plan! Preston Reese has already entered the World Title shot battle royal, and Rage and Cage are entering, too! That title shot will be property of the High Rollers Club! When Mr. Crane wins, we’ll all stand in the ring at the PPV in May and pose for thirty minutes. It’ll be the best main event WUK will ever have! However, in the unlikely scenario that Mr. Crane loses in the Chamber, we’ll give the shot to him to take back our title!
Moss: Wow, what a scoop! Thanks guys!
Cage looks at Moss and smirks.
Cage: It’s what we do. There’s a reason I play the hero in most of my movies.
Rage: WUK, you better get used to Rage and Cage because, in my brother’s words, we’re gonna be featured in every title match! We’re gonna collectively win the battle royal! We’re gonna be there to make sure Frank Windsor comes up short! Finally, we’re gonna be in the Chamber to protect the People’s World Title!
Rage stomps off.
Moss: Before you go, what are your thoughts on Salt and Pepper?
Cage: Too much of either can ruin a sandwich.