Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 12, 2023 22:50:16 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh this is most fortuitous. Surely by now we have recruited Memaw and Uncle into the Cult of Doof. That video should have made the rounds. I bet Marty and Ollie have watched it and are now firmly in the corner of Doof!
Billy: The watch statistics and communications Ovi has intercepted seem to suggest they ignored the Valentines.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: WHAT! But that isn’t how this is supposed to work! Grrrr we need to find some other way to convince people to join. And someone stupider in the world of CAR to watch the video and spread the message of me! WOOT WOOT!
Ovi: We could always send it to that Star Trekker and call it a personalized cameo from Captain Kirk himself. And if we tweeted it at Lord Dominicus as a video of someone calling him too nice to be dark over lord he might watch it to see who to spite … though he may be TOO dense to be hypnotized into our cult. He is PRETTY dumb.
Billy: I just sent it as a message on tumblr, tinder, grindr, and any other furry adjacent sites I could find his profile on to Armbishi. It’s labeled as “Uwu, the sexiest pose to attract your desired furpile.”
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: GOOD! Stick it to those boring old fashioned scientists. They really put the bore in “We want to bore to the center of the Earth and utilize what we find to fund eldritch experiments”. Grrrr … we need to do more … people still see them as the only cult worth a damn! Who would drink our delicious light in sugar kool-aid if they’re all buying that horrible Chthulu insanity kool-aid? LOADED IN EXCESS CALORIES AND INSANITY! Grrr … it’s as if people just assume they are evil because they use green fluorescent goo!
Billy: I have been working on an elixir to help us be more persuasive and confident. Also it causes us to exude human pheromones, totally not disproven bunk science of course, and makes people more open to suggestion. Combine that with the video and we COULD be more influential.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hmm … well the race is a pretty easy one … pillows, NON-golden bras- IF YOU SHOUT GOLDEN BOOB AGAIN I WILL HOGTIE YOU AND MAKE YOU BE THE GARDEN GNOME BILLY – and a left or right choice on the track … I suppose we can try some experimentation. But it isn’t green enough … or fluorescent …
Ovi: … Uh …
*Ovi pulls out a green glow stick, industrial strength as it is meant to be BRIGHT. He snaps it and it begins to glow.*
Ovi: Might this help? I was going to use it to make my next round of robots eerily glow to unsettle that hedgehog but … this seems like it would be much funnier to me in the long run.
*Doof raises his arms in triumph*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: PERFECT!
*Doof grabs it … and literally breaks the top off … pours the green poisonous goo into his confidence and persuasion beverage. He then loads it into a syringe and injects the entire thing into his butt before Ovi and Billy can stop him*
Ovi: I’ll call poison control.
Billy: I’ve already got my camera phone recording this, for youtub- I MEAN for scientific documentation.
*He looks to the camera in an aside*
Billy: Remember folks, the only difference between science and messing around is writing it down!
*Doof smacks his lips. Then he clicks his tongue. He looks puzzled.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Is it supposed to taste purple? Everything smells like blue. And all I can see is flashing salmon. *Hic* Hmm…
*He Doofenithinks … copyright, suing Lord Dominicus now. The suddenly his ears begin to smoke. His eyes roll back and glow green. He coughs and convulses. A random batch of Doof Floof is released from a test bottle nearby and covers his head as he makes cartoonish noises. Being a cartoon this isn’t that unusual.*
Billy: That was hilarious. When he’s dead we should play Weekend at Doofie’s until his wife figures out, that alimony is pretty handy-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: GAAAAAH! Well that was an experience.
Billy: Damn. Doof look, you should … have … oh … my … science.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh no is it bad? Am I like part platypus now? Do I have a fedora on my head?
Ovi: Uh … Doof. You’re …
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait wait … I’m … handsome! WE CAN USE THIS!
*Just then a quartet of cowboys pop in.*
Bad Horse Chorus: He’s Doof! HE’S DOOF! He’s Hand-Some Doof!
He’s inhumanely sexy, the handsomest of men.
He’s got a cult that he just wants everyone in.
It needs more cultist bodies, so please get logging in
Click sign up link, your name type in, watch the vid introduction.
He’s Doof, Handsome, He’s Doof. So Hot-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No no no we don’t have time for a second verse, we all get it. I’m going to wake up this sleepy fed just in time for the slumber party race and we’ll be a shoo in to win. HIT IT BILLY!
*Music begins*
(cut the video after the song ends)
Billy: Posting that to the cult site and also youtube, and sending it out for promotional material to the XHF Network. Maybe this will get people to sign up.
Ovi: We just walked all the way to town hall … how are we getting home?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh that’s no problem, all these new members of the Cult of Doof will crowdsurf us back to the garage so we can get my face painted onto the side of the car!
1. What color nail polish do you want?
Billy: Black! Like the depths of my heart! Or Red to match my lab coat, I’m not that picky I can pull off any color honey.
2. Will your crew pick Truth or Dare?
Ovi: DARE! Why with the boss looking this fetching, who would even bother giving us any challenging dare?
3. Bra sizes A through F will be flung at vehicles. What size hits your vehicle?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: If they see my face on the car, we’ll be getting ALL the bras baby! … Maybe even a gold one to shut Billy up.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Going to a restaurant to get some free food via my handsome face.
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Second verse same as the first! FREE FOOD! Let’s make that Dracolich JEALOUS!
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Ian: Remind me again why I was volunteered for this debacle? I uh, am um … hardly the … physical type.
Norm the Normal Human: Doctor Doof wanted more accolades for the team! And he couldn’t fight himself. Also Sonic and Perry are no longer helping us.
Ian: There’s a perfectly good warlord, hehe, right um .. here.
*He points to Phroooaggh.*
Phroooaggh: Technically I’m not supposed to exist here, would be a grave violation of the rules. Also I don’t like furries, they remind me of how I have no hair or skin of my own.
*He lowers his head sadly, thinking of the days in R’yleh before the war when he had skin. Or maybe he is insane and he’s always looked like this, Chthulu has that effect on minds. Either way, the Relentless one looks downtrodden. Ian sighs and facepalms.*
Ian: And because Billy is so frail and has a track record of, um, well, uh, losing fist fights … and Ovi is…
Phroooaggh: Overweight and out of shape, yes.
Norm the Normal Human: It’s just you, friend! I believe in you!
*Norm gives a thumbs up with both robotic hands*
Ian: What am I up against?
Norm the Normal Human: A small woman who drives a car and works at a children’s theme park as a princess costume. A seven year old child. A pregnant man who is chronically undernourished and fragile …
Ian: Well … I think I can work with that-
Phroooaggh: Also a former top champion of a real wrestling fed who claims to be evil incarnate and has a weapon that can KO Gods and Demons with one punch, a himbo werewolf likely full of pent up sexual frustration and aggression who has sired the child of an eldritch monstrosity, and the current Junior Heavyweight Champion who is the son of one of the most decorated wrestler ever and is a former top champion of the entire network.
*Ian’s face droops and his pointing finger droops to full flaccid status.*
Ian: OH! UM … IS THAT ALL!?
*He throws his hands up in disgust.*
Norm the Normal Human: But Ian! It is a pillow and comforter fight and to win you just have to get them over the ropes to the floor!
*He perks up.*
Ian: Oh … hmm hmm oh, um. That might be doable! I can use every devious bedroom tactic in the evil scientist handbook. Oh this might be ok after all!
Phroooaggh: So I am here to train you in the fighting element, since you WILL have to actually be physical some. I also brought some pillows from the depths of Riniven Keep, my home in R’yleh.
*He zaps the ground with his Z Staff and a bunch of pillows appear. Ian grabs one and a tentacle monster pops out of the pillow and attacks Phroooaggh. Then the pillow bites Ian and the swarm overwhelms Norm.*
*Star wipe*
Phroooaggh: Ok ok I just grabbed decorative pillows from Doof’s apartment on the penthouse floor of the DEI building this time.
*A bedraggled Ian whose shirt has been ripped open pants in rage, anger, madness, science, and exhaustion. Maybe fear? Norm is reassembling his mangled body.*
Ian: Why was that not the plan in the FIRST PLACE! … UM!
Norm the Normal Human: I am ready for fluffy assault!
*His hands retract and two massive pillows come out.*
Ian: Ok I’m going to use Norm as batting practice.
Norm the Normal Human: That’s the wrong sport, sport!
*Ian launches a pillow at Norm … it falls flat on the ground three feet in front of him. Norm leans down and points to his chin. Ian grumbles and swings the pillow at Norm. Norm eats the hit.*
Norm the Normal Human: Wow! Ow! That would have hurt so bad if I had nerve endings in my face!
*Ian throws the pillow down.*
Ian: Look I know how to um, swing a pillow! I know how to use weapons and tactics. I am an expert at pillow, comforter, blanket, sheets, and mattress play. I get um … action … ya know! I actually have abs!
*Sure enough he does, and they are glistening with a bit of sweat. Phroooaggh seems to Doofenithink for a moment, still suing Dominicus, and gets a devious idea.*
Phroooaggh: Norm! Test his ability to resist damage, I have a plan!
Ian: Wait wha-OOOOOF!
*Norm hits him with his ten foot pillow and Ian is launched back up to the balcony … a few moments later Phroooaggh emerges on the balcony …*
Phroooaggh: … Well that was a pathetic showing.
Ian: I can taste iron and copper. I can smell my brain.
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you aren’t going to outwrestle … ANY of these folks.
Ian: *hopping to his feet* Not even the uh … actual toddler?
Norm the Normal Human: Highly unlikely! Tinto is a tenacious and precocious little scamp!
Ian: Thanks for the vote of confidence you tin can.
Norm the Normal Human: You’re welcome!
*Norm retreats to the garage, and out of the parking lot.*
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you have a weapon you can use. In addition to the cunning and the chemicals we can hide in capsules in your mouth for single uses. Like inky spray to blind people, bad odor spray to repulse people, pepper spray, etc. You … have this!
*Phroooaggh aims the Indoctrinator at him and turns it on. Ian suddenly perks up. He feels great! He is so confident!*
Ian: YES! I know I can win, the AMC should ALWAYS win! Um, everyone will be in our cult! Woot woot! I believe!
*He is also just absolutely dripping in sweat. He would be impossible to wrestle effectively, and he’d most certainly soak the ring and any pillows and blankets used on him. How repulsive. But also … alluring. He falls down and poses.*
Ian: Oh I feel sexy, who could resist me. They will never get me over the ropes. They’ll do whatever I say!
Phroooaggh: Oh yes, Armbishi … Ollie … maybe the others? There is no counter to this. That title is as good as ours!
Ian: The Brundle Bundle is ready to ship. Who will sign for THIS package?
Phroooaggh: … Ew.
1. Preference on the use of pillows vs blanket?
Ian: Whatever I use is a delightful sexy weapon in my hands. Ummmmmmm, mmmmmmm, look at these glistening abs.
2. How does your wrestler respond to a pillow to the face?
Ian: MPH … may I have another sir?
3. How will your wrestler be eliminated?
Ian: Oh I am not going over that top rope … unless I do it sexily. Strip teases have been known to go wrong…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh this is most fortuitous. Surely by now we have recruited Memaw and Uncle into the Cult of Doof. That video should have made the rounds. I bet Marty and Ollie have watched it and are now firmly in the corner of Doof!
Billy: The watch statistics and communications Ovi has intercepted seem to suggest they ignored the Valentines.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: WHAT! But that isn’t how this is supposed to work! Grrrr we need to find some other way to convince people to join. And someone stupider in the world of CAR to watch the video and spread the message of me! WOOT WOOT!
Ovi: We could always send it to that Star Trekker and call it a personalized cameo from Captain Kirk himself. And if we tweeted it at Lord Dominicus as a video of someone calling him too nice to be dark over lord he might watch it to see who to spite … though he may be TOO dense to be hypnotized into our cult. He is PRETTY dumb.
Billy: I just sent it as a message on tumblr, tinder, grindr, and any other furry adjacent sites I could find his profile on to Armbishi. It’s labeled as “Uwu, the sexiest pose to attract your desired furpile.”
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: GOOD! Stick it to those boring old fashioned scientists. They really put the bore in “We want to bore to the center of the Earth and utilize what we find to fund eldritch experiments”. Grrrr … we need to do more … people still see them as the only cult worth a damn! Who would drink our delicious light in sugar kool-aid if they’re all buying that horrible Chthulu insanity kool-aid? LOADED IN EXCESS CALORIES AND INSANITY! Grrr … it’s as if people just assume they are evil because they use green fluorescent goo!
Billy: I have been working on an elixir to help us be more persuasive and confident. Also it causes us to exude human pheromones, totally not disproven bunk science of course, and makes people more open to suggestion. Combine that with the video and we COULD be more influential.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hmm … well the race is a pretty easy one … pillows, NON-golden bras- IF YOU SHOUT GOLDEN BOOB AGAIN I WILL HOGTIE YOU AND MAKE YOU BE THE GARDEN GNOME BILLY – and a left or right choice on the track … I suppose we can try some experimentation. But it isn’t green enough … or fluorescent …
Ovi: … Uh …
*Ovi pulls out a green glow stick, industrial strength as it is meant to be BRIGHT. He snaps it and it begins to glow.*
Ovi: Might this help? I was going to use it to make my next round of robots eerily glow to unsettle that hedgehog but … this seems like it would be much funnier to me in the long run.
*Doof raises his arms in triumph*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: PERFECT!
*Doof grabs it … and literally breaks the top off … pours the green poisonous goo into his confidence and persuasion beverage. He then loads it into a syringe and injects the entire thing into his butt before Ovi and Billy can stop him*
Ovi: I’ll call poison control.
Billy: I’ve already got my camera phone recording this, for youtub- I MEAN for scientific documentation.
*He looks to the camera in an aside*
Billy: Remember folks, the only difference between science and messing around is writing it down!
*Doof smacks his lips. Then he clicks his tongue. He looks puzzled.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Is it supposed to taste purple? Everything smells like blue. And all I can see is flashing salmon. *Hic* Hmm…
*He Doofenithinks … copyright, suing Lord Dominicus now. The suddenly his ears begin to smoke. His eyes roll back and glow green. He coughs and convulses. A random batch of Doof Floof is released from a test bottle nearby and covers his head as he makes cartoonish noises. Being a cartoon this isn’t that unusual.*
Billy: That was hilarious. When he’s dead we should play Weekend at Doofie’s until his wife figures out, that alimony is pretty handy-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: GAAAAAH! Well that was an experience.
Billy: Damn. Doof look, you should … have … oh … my … science.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh no is it bad? Am I like part platypus now? Do I have a fedora on my head?
Ovi: Uh … Doof. You’re …
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait wait … I’m … handsome! WE CAN USE THIS!
*Just then a quartet of cowboys pop in.*
Bad Horse Chorus: He’s Doof! HE’S DOOF! He’s Hand-Some Doof!
He’s inhumanely sexy, the handsomest of men.
He’s got a cult that he just wants everyone in.
It needs more cultist bodies, so please get logging in
Click sign up link, your name type in, watch the vid introduction.
He’s Doof, Handsome, He’s Doof. So Hot-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No no no we don’t have time for a second verse, we all get it. I’m going to wake up this sleepy fed just in time for the slumber party race and we’ll be a shoo in to win. HIT IT BILLY!
*Music begins*
(cut the video after the song ends)
Billy: Posting that to the cult site and also youtube, and sending it out for promotional material to the XHF Network. Maybe this will get people to sign up.
Ovi: We just walked all the way to town hall … how are we getting home?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh that’s no problem, all these new members of the Cult of Doof will crowdsurf us back to the garage so we can get my face painted onto the side of the car!
1. What color nail polish do you want?
Billy: Black! Like the depths of my heart! Or Red to match my lab coat, I’m not that picky I can pull off any color honey.
2. Will your crew pick Truth or Dare?
Ovi: DARE! Why with the boss looking this fetching, who would even bother giving us any challenging dare?
3. Bra sizes A through F will be flung at vehicles. What size hits your vehicle?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: If they see my face on the car, we’ll be getting ALL the bras baby! … Maybe even a gold one to shut Billy up.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Going to a restaurant to get some free food via my handsome face.
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Second verse same as the first! FREE FOOD! Let’s make that Dracolich JEALOUS!
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Ian: Remind me again why I was volunteered for this debacle? I uh, am um … hardly the … physical type.
Norm the Normal Human: Doctor Doof wanted more accolades for the team! And he couldn’t fight himself. Also Sonic and Perry are no longer helping us.
Ian: There’s a perfectly good warlord, hehe, right um .. here.
*He points to Phroooaggh.*
Phroooaggh: Technically I’m not supposed to exist here, would be a grave violation of the rules. Also I don’t like furries, they remind me of how I have no hair or skin of my own.
*He lowers his head sadly, thinking of the days in R’yleh before the war when he had skin. Or maybe he is insane and he’s always looked like this, Chthulu has that effect on minds. Either way, the Relentless one looks downtrodden. Ian sighs and facepalms.*
Ian: And because Billy is so frail and has a track record of, um, well, uh, losing fist fights … and Ovi is…
Phroooaggh: Overweight and out of shape, yes.
Norm the Normal Human: It’s just you, friend! I believe in you!
*Norm gives a thumbs up with both robotic hands*
Ian: What am I up against?
Norm the Normal Human: A small woman who drives a car and works at a children’s theme park as a princess costume. A seven year old child. A pregnant man who is chronically undernourished and fragile …
Ian: Well … I think I can work with that-
Phroooaggh: Also a former top champion of a real wrestling fed who claims to be evil incarnate and has a weapon that can KO Gods and Demons with one punch, a himbo werewolf likely full of pent up sexual frustration and aggression who has sired the child of an eldritch monstrosity, and the current Junior Heavyweight Champion who is the son of one of the most decorated wrestler ever and is a former top champion of the entire network.
*Ian’s face droops and his pointing finger droops to full flaccid status.*
Ian: OH! UM … IS THAT ALL!?
*He throws his hands up in disgust.*
Norm the Normal Human: But Ian! It is a pillow and comforter fight and to win you just have to get them over the ropes to the floor!
*He perks up.*
Ian: Oh … hmm hmm oh, um. That might be doable! I can use every devious bedroom tactic in the evil scientist handbook. Oh this might be ok after all!
Phroooaggh: So I am here to train you in the fighting element, since you WILL have to actually be physical some. I also brought some pillows from the depths of Riniven Keep, my home in R’yleh.
*He zaps the ground with his Z Staff and a bunch of pillows appear. Ian grabs one and a tentacle monster pops out of the pillow and attacks Phroooaggh. Then the pillow bites Ian and the swarm overwhelms Norm.*
*Star wipe*
Phroooaggh: Ok ok I just grabbed decorative pillows from Doof’s apartment on the penthouse floor of the DEI building this time.
*A bedraggled Ian whose shirt has been ripped open pants in rage, anger, madness, science, and exhaustion. Maybe fear? Norm is reassembling his mangled body.*
Ian: Why was that not the plan in the FIRST PLACE! … UM!
Norm the Normal Human: I am ready for fluffy assault!
*His hands retract and two massive pillows come out.*
Ian: Ok I’m going to use Norm as batting practice.
Norm the Normal Human: That’s the wrong sport, sport!
*Ian launches a pillow at Norm … it falls flat on the ground three feet in front of him. Norm leans down and points to his chin. Ian grumbles and swings the pillow at Norm. Norm eats the hit.*
Norm the Normal Human: Wow! Ow! That would have hurt so bad if I had nerve endings in my face!
*Ian throws the pillow down.*
Ian: Look I know how to um, swing a pillow! I know how to use weapons and tactics. I am an expert at pillow, comforter, blanket, sheets, and mattress play. I get um … action … ya know! I actually have abs!
*Sure enough he does, and they are glistening with a bit of sweat. Phroooaggh seems to Doofenithink for a moment, still suing Dominicus, and gets a devious idea.*
Phroooaggh: Norm! Test his ability to resist damage, I have a plan!
Ian: Wait wha-OOOOOF!
*Norm hits him with his ten foot pillow and Ian is launched back up to the balcony … a few moments later Phroooaggh emerges on the balcony …*
Phroooaggh: … Well that was a pathetic showing.
Ian: I can taste iron and copper. I can smell my brain.
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you aren’t going to outwrestle … ANY of these folks.
Ian: *hopping to his feet* Not even the uh … actual toddler?
Norm the Normal Human: Highly unlikely! Tinto is a tenacious and precocious little scamp!
Ian: Thanks for the vote of confidence you tin can.
Norm the Normal Human: You’re welcome!
*Norm retreats to the garage, and out of the parking lot.*
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you have a weapon you can use. In addition to the cunning and the chemicals we can hide in capsules in your mouth for single uses. Like inky spray to blind people, bad odor spray to repulse people, pepper spray, etc. You … have this!
*Phroooaggh aims the Indoctrinator at him and turns it on. Ian suddenly perks up. He feels great! He is so confident!*
Ian: YES! I know I can win, the AMC should ALWAYS win! Um, everyone will be in our cult! Woot woot! I believe!
*He is also just absolutely dripping in sweat. He would be impossible to wrestle effectively, and he’d most certainly soak the ring and any pillows and blankets used on him. How repulsive. But also … alluring. He falls down and poses.*
Ian: Oh I feel sexy, who could resist me. They will never get me over the ropes. They’ll do whatever I say!
Phroooaggh: Oh yes, Armbishi … Ollie … maybe the others? There is no counter to this. That title is as good as ours!
Ian: The Brundle Bundle is ready to ship. Who will sign for THIS package?
Phroooaggh: … Ew.
1. Preference on the use of pillows vs blanket?
Ian: Whatever I use is a delightful sexy weapon in my hands. Ummmmmmm, mmmmmmm, look at these glistening abs.
2. How does your wrestler respond to a pillow to the face?
Ian: MPH … may I have another sir?
3. How will your wrestler be eliminated?
Ian: Oh I am not going over that top rope … unless I do it sexily. Strip teases have been known to go wrong…