Cult of Doof 2.5: Sexy Pillow Appeal [JHW RP]
Mar 12, 2023 22:50:29 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 12, 2023 22:50:29 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Ian: Remind me again why I was volunteered for this debacle? I uh, am um … hardly the … physical type.
Norm the Normal Human: Doctor Doof wanted more accolades for the team! And he couldn’t fight himself. Also Sonic and Perry are no longer helping us.
Ian: There’s a perfectly good warlord, hehe, right um .. here.
*He points to Phroooaggh.*
Phroooaggh: Technically I’m not supposed to exist here, would be a grave violation of the rules. Also I don’t like furries, they remind me of how I have no hair or skin of my own.
*He lowers his head sadly, thinking of the days in R’yleh before the war when he had skin. Or maybe he is insane and he’s always looked like this, Chthulu has that effect on minds. Either way, the Relentless one looks downtrodden. Ian sighs and facepalms.*
Ian: And because Billy is so frail and has a track record of, um, well, uh, losing fist fights … and Ovi is…
Phroooaggh: Overweight and out of shape, yes.
Norm the Normal Human: It’s just you, friend! I believe in you!
*Norm gives a thumbs up with both robotic hands*
Ian: What am I up against?
Norm the Normal Human: A small woman who drives a car and works at a children’s theme park as a princess costume. A seven year old child. A pregnant man who is chronically undernourished and fragile …
Ian: Well … I think I can work with that-
Phroooaggh: Also a former top champion of a real wrestling fed who claims to be evil incarnate and has a weapon that can KO Gods and Demons with one punch, a himbo werewolf likely full of pent up sexual frustration and aggression who has sired the child of an eldritch monstrosity, and the current Junior Heavyweight Champion who is the son of one of the most decorated wrestler ever and is a former top champion of the entire network.
*Ian’s face droops and his pointing finger droops to full flaccid status.*
Ian: OH! UM … IS THAT ALL!?
*He throws his hands up in disgust.*
Norm the Normal Human: But Ian! It is a pillow and comforter fight and to win you just have to get them over the ropes to the floor!
*He perks up.*
Ian: Oh … hmm hmm oh, um. That might be doable! I can use every devious bedroom tactic in the evil scientist handbook. Oh this might be ok after all!
Phroooaggh: So I am here to train you in the fighting element, since you WILL have to actually be physical some. I also brought some pillows from the depths of Riniven Keep, my home in R’yleh.
*He zaps the ground with his Z Staff and a bunch of pillows appear. Ian grabs one and a tentacle monster pops out of the pillow and attacks Phroooaggh. Then the pillow bites Ian and the swarm overwhelms Norm.*
*Star wipe*
Phroooaggh: Ok ok I just grabbed decorative pillows from Doof’s apartment on the penthouse floor of the DEI building this time.
*A bedraggled Ian whose shirt has been ripped open pants in rage, anger, madness, science, and exhaustion. Maybe fear? Norm is reassembling his mangled body.*
Ian: Why was that not the plan in the FIRST PLACE! … UM!
Norm the Normal Human: I am ready for fluffy assault!
*His hands retract and two massive pillows come out.*
Ian: Ok I’m going to use Norm as batting practice.
Norm the Normal Human: That’s the wrong sport, sport!
*Ian launches a pillow at Norm … it falls flat on the ground three feet in front of him. Norm leans down and points to his chin. Ian grumbles and swings the pillow at Norm. Norm eats the hit.*
Norm the Normal Human: Wow! Ow! That would have hurt so bad if I had nerve endings in my face!
*Ian throws the pillow down.*
Ian: Look I know how to um, swing a pillow! I know how to use weapons and tactics. I am an expert at pillow, comforter, blanket, sheets, and mattress play. I get um … action … ya know! I actually have abs!
*Sure enough he does, and they are glistening with a bit of sweat. Phroooaggh seems to Doofenithink for a moment, still suing Dominicus, and gets a devious idea.*
Phroooaggh: Norm! Test his ability to resist damage, I have a plan!
Ian: Wait wha-OOOOOF!
*Norm hits him with his ten foot pillow and Ian is launched back up to the balcony … a few moments later Phroooaggh emerges on the balcony …*
Phroooaggh: … Well that was a pathetic showing.
Ian: I can taste iron and copper. I can smell my brain.
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you aren’t going to outwrestle … ANY of these folks.
Ian: *hopping to his feet* Not even the uh … actual toddler?
Norm the Normal Human: Highly unlikely! Tinto is a tenacious and precocious little scamp!
Ian: Thanks for the vote of confidence you tin can.
Norm the Normal Human: You’re welcome!
*Norm retreats to the garage, and out of the parking lot.*
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you have a weapon you can use. In addition to the cunning and the chemicals we can hide in capsules in your mouth for single uses. Like inky spray to blind people, bad odor spray to repulse people, pepper spray, etc. You … have this!
*Phroooaggh aims the Indoctrinator at him and turns it on. Ian suddenly perks up. He feels great! He is so confident!*
Ian: YES! I know I can win, the AMC should ALWAYS win! Um, everyone will be in our cult! Woot woot! I believe!
*He is also just absolutely dripping in sweat. He would be impossible to wrestle effectively, and he’d most certainly soak the ring and any pillows and blankets used on him. How repulsive. But also … alluring. He falls down and poses.*
Ian: Oh I feel sexy, who could resist me. They will never get me over the ropes. They’ll do whatever I say!
Phroooaggh: Oh yes, Armbishi … Ollie … maybe the others? There is no counter to this. That title is as good as ours!
Ian: The Brundle Bundle is ready to ship. Who will sign for THIS package?
Phroooaggh: … Ew.
1. Preference on the use of pillows vs blanket?
Ian: Whatever I use is a delightful sexy weapon in my hands. Ummmmmmm, mmmmmmm, look at these glistening abs.
2. How does your wrestler respond to a pillow to the face?
Ian: MPH … may I have another sir?
3. How will your wrestler be eliminated?
Ian: Oh I am not going over that top rope … unless I do it sexily. Strip teases have been known to go wrong…
Ian: Remind me again why I was volunteered for this debacle? I uh, am um … hardly the … physical type.
Norm the Normal Human: Doctor Doof wanted more accolades for the team! And he couldn’t fight himself. Also Sonic and Perry are no longer helping us.
Ian: There’s a perfectly good warlord, hehe, right um .. here.
*He points to Phroooaggh.*
Phroooaggh: Technically I’m not supposed to exist here, would be a grave violation of the rules. Also I don’t like furries, they remind me of how I have no hair or skin of my own.
*He lowers his head sadly, thinking of the days in R’yleh before the war when he had skin. Or maybe he is insane and he’s always looked like this, Chthulu has that effect on minds. Either way, the Relentless one looks downtrodden. Ian sighs and facepalms.*
Ian: And because Billy is so frail and has a track record of, um, well, uh, losing fist fights … and Ovi is…
Phroooaggh: Overweight and out of shape, yes.
Norm the Normal Human: It’s just you, friend! I believe in you!
*Norm gives a thumbs up with both robotic hands*
Ian: What am I up against?
Norm the Normal Human: A small woman who drives a car and works at a children’s theme park as a princess costume. A seven year old child. A pregnant man who is chronically undernourished and fragile …
Ian: Well … I think I can work with that-
Phroooaggh: Also a former top champion of a real wrestling fed who claims to be evil incarnate and has a weapon that can KO Gods and Demons with one punch, a himbo werewolf likely full of pent up sexual frustration and aggression who has sired the child of an eldritch monstrosity, and the current Junior Heavyweight Champion who is the son of one of the most decorated wrestler ever and is a former top champion of the entire network.
*Ian’s face droops and his pointing finger droops to full flaccid status.*
Ian: OH! UM … IS THAT ALL!?
*He throws his hands up in disgust.*
Norm the Normal Human: But Ian! It is a pillow and comforter fight and to win you just have to get them over the ropes to the floor!
*He perks up.*
Ian: Oh … hmm hmm oh, um. That might be doable! I can use every devious bedroom tactic in the evil scientist handbook. Oh this might be ok after all!
Phroooaggh: So I am here to train you in the fighting element, since you WILL have to actually be physical some. I also brought some pillows from the depths of Riniven Keep, my home in R’yleh.
*He zaps the ground with his Z Staff and a bunch of pillows appear. Ian grabs one and a tentacle monster pops out of the pillow and attacks Phroooaggh. Then the pillow bites Ian and the swarm overwhelms Norm.*
*Star wipe*
Phroooaggh: Ok ok I just grabbed decorative pillows from Doof’s apartment on the penthouse floor of the DEI building this time.
*A bedraggled Ian whose shirt has been ripped open pants in rage, anger, madness, science, and exhaustion. Maybe fear? Norm is reassembling his mangled body.*
Ian: Why was that not the plan in the FIRST PLACE! … UM!
Norm the Normal Human: I am ready for fluffy assault!
*His hands retract and two massive pillows come out.*
Ian: Ok I’m going to use Norm as batting practice.
Norm the Normal Human: That’s the wrong sport, sport!
*Ian launches a pillow at Norm … it falls flat on the ground three feet in front of him. Norm leans down and points to his chin. Ian grumbles and swings the pillow at Norm. Norm eats the hit.*
Norm the Normal Human: Wow! Ow! That would have hurt so bad if I had nerve endings in my face!
*Ian throws the pillow down.*
Ian: Look I know how to um, swing a pillow! I know how to use weapons and tactics. I am an expert at pillow, comforter, blanket, sheets, and mattress play. I get um … action … ya know! I actually have abs!
*Sure enough he does, and they are glistening with a bit of sweat. Phroooaggh seems to Doofenithink for a moment, still suing Dominicus, and gets a devious idea.*
Phroooaggh: Norm! Test his ability to resist damage, I have a plan!
Ian: Wait wha-OOOOOF!
*Norm hits him with his ten foot pillow and Ian is launched back up to the balcony … a few moments later Phroooaggh emerges on the balcony …*
Phroooaggh: … Well that was a pathetic showing.
Ian: I can taste iron and copper. I can smell my brain.
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you aren’t going to outwrestle … ANY of these folks.
Ian: *hopping to his feet* Not even the uh … actual toddler?
Norm the Normal Human: Highly unlikely! Tinto is a tenacious and precocious little scamp!
Ian: Thanks for the vote of confidence you tin can.
Norm the Normal Human: You’re welcome!
*Norm retreats to the garage, and out of the parking lot.*
Phroooaggh: Ok look, you have a weapon you can use. In addition to the cunning and the chemicals we can hide in capsules in your mouth for single uses. Like inky spray to blind people, bad odor spray to repulse people, pepper spray, etc. You … have this!
*Phroooaggh aims the Indoctrinator at him and turns it on. Ian suddenly perks up. He feels great! He is so confident!*
Ian: YES! I know I can win, the AMC should ALWAYS win! Um, everyone will be in our cult! Woot woot! I believe!
*He is also just absolutely dripping in sweat. He would be impossible to wrestle effectively, and he’d most certainly soak the ring and any pillows and blankets used on him. How repulsive. But also … alluring. He falls down and poses.*
Ian: Oh I feel sexy, who could resist me. They will never get me over the ropes. They’ll do whatever I say!
Phroooaggh: Oh yes, Armbishi … Ollie … maybe the others? There is no counter to this. That title is as good as ours!
Ian: The Brundle Bundle is ready to ship. Who will sign for THIS package?
Phroooaggh: … Ew.
1. Preference on the use of pillows vs blanket?
Ian: Whatever I use is a delightful sexy weapon in my hands. Ummmmmmm, mmmmmmm, look at these glistening abs.
2. How does your wrestler respond to a pillow to the face?
Ian: MPH … may I have another sir?
3. How will your wrestler be eliminated?
Ian: Oh I am not going over that top rope … unless I do it sexily. Strip teases have been known to go wrong…