Post by Steve Awesome on Mar 29, 2023 15:54:25 GMT -5
Steve Awesome comes storming into the small and narrow toddler sized headquarters of the Toddlerian race somewhere in Hollywood, California!
“Todd Lerr!”
The XHF Hardcore Champion roared. The champ stomped directly toward the alien agent and grabbed him by his tiny lapels.
“You better explain to me right now why I don’t have an Oscar for best actor and a balding and fat Brendan Fraiser does!”
Without skipping a beat, Todd Lerr had an answer prepared.
“Did you watch The Whale?”
Steve sneers and shook his head indignantly.
“No, I didn't watch The Whale!”
“It was truly a work of art. Brave. Strong. Graceful.”
Steve rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Doh come on! Don’t give me that crap! It’s freaking George of the Jungle crying in a fat suit!”
Todd Lerr nods his head.
“Yeah. That fat suit was a nice touch.”
Todd just shrugs his shoulders.
“Oh well, what can you do?”
Steve drops the small alien and facepalms in frustration.
“Dup, juh, ska…”
The Face of the Franchise says, unable to make words for a few moments while the frustration seeped into his brains. Finally he points a finger of blame directly at the would-be Hollywood agent.
“YOU promised me I would win an Oscar! I changed my movie for you. I KISSED SPIKE KANE!”
Steve shouted. Pacing back and forth. He turned and shouted again.
“ON THE MOUTH!”
He stomps his foot.
“I SHOULD BE STANDING HERE…”
He holds out his empty right hand.
“WITH AN OSCAR AWARD IN MY HAND-“
He points with his left and really spins his finger around with attitude.
“AND ALLLLLLLL THE CLEAR AND OBVIOUS RESPECT AND ADMIRATION THAT WOULD COME ALONG WITH WINNING SUCH A PRIDEFUL AND DISTINGUISHED AWARD!!!”
Steve crosses his arms and takes a minute to catch his breath! Todd Lerr isn’t phased by Steve’s shouting and flailing. In fact he uses this moment to try to fix things.
“And you completely would have won the award! We had everything mapped out but then “Encino Man” put on a fat suit, poured out fifteen years of trauma on screen in front of our eyes and made the best return to Hollywood anyone has done in a long time. You gotta give credit where it’s due!”
Steve, still with his arms crossed, refused to give any credit, anywhere. He instead takes a seat and pouts in one of their tiny chairs.
“I just feel like you let me down, Todd.”
Todd pats Steve on his adult sized leg.
“Sometimes that’s just how Hollywood wood is, big guy. Besides…”
Todd wordless away on his tiny and evil legs.
“The important thing is now we have everything we need to blow up Earth and complete our space highway!”
“Ope…”
Steve forgot about that part in his anger of not winning.
“And Steve…Don’t go and think that you can just make this another Bang Bros adventure and fill your rumble promos, because if we catch wind that you are trying to stop us not only will we tell everyone that you wet the bed but also that you helped us orchestrate everything! Hahaha and you know what that means!”
Steve holds his head in shock!
“Everyone will totally think I’m a dick! I can’t let people find out what I’ve done! They’d never let me win an Oscar if they knew I almost let the world get destroyed!”
Todd Lerr laughs again.
“You can’t beat us Steve. Just stay quiet and maybe on the next planet we’ll let you dance in our movies.”
Fade out on evil baby laughter.
~
STEVE AWESOME
HARD(K)ORE CHAMPION
“Prince…”
“Maverick….”
Steve smirks into the camera.
“Jason Long.”
Steve mocks his opponent by performing a bow and then a crotch chop right after.
“It’s going to be the End of the Line for you at Phantom of Guilt.”
Steve nodded and shifted his championship to his other shoulder.
“Now it’s clear that I don’t run away from matches”
He pats the title on his shoulder.
“If someone wanted a piece of me and we could make some money I’m all for it.
“I’ve been back soundly in the XHF for a couple of years now and all through that time I've heard your names. Constantly being chirped at me at “cons” and “a.m.a’s”. I’d read about it in the dirt sheets. People wanted to see the Face of the Franchise step inside the ring with Mister Insert gimmick here, Jason Long.”
Steve simply shrugged.
“But as I rose to a status, to a tier, a spot that only the Face of the Franchise can reach-“
Crotch Chop.
“Sadly I wasn’t able to actually get a match in with Jason Long while I was XCrown Champion and truly at the top of the mountain of professional wrestling. While I was turning myself into a household name I don’t know, I guess Jason Long was changing his name and his moveset for three years?”
Steve shrugs and smirks.
“But hey, now that I’ve sort of taken a step down to really put some shine on and elevate the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World into a championship that people actually want, it’s time for a legend like me to really step into the ring with someone from the undercard like Jason Long.”
Steve felt bad for saying what he said and tried to rephrase it.
“Well I mean, it had to happen this way, I certainly wouldn’t waste my time normally on some Indy scrub just because the internet thought it would be cool.”
Steve laughs out loud.
“But as your Hard(k)ore Champion of the World im giving mood. Let’s go ahead and have ourselves a dream match. After all this time, all this internet buzz, let me go ahead and punch my dance card with Jason Long. I look in front of me and what do I see of Jason Long?”
Steve’s smile fades away and he’s left with a look of shame. He slowly shook his head as he “tsk’d” at the thought.
“I see a broken man.”
“I see a man who was at one point the XCrown champion in twenty nineteen, but now he’s been beaten and bloodied by so many key people in the year twenty twenty three that his face doesn’t even look the same as it did four years ago.”
“This is the man I’m supposed to have a dream match with? This man is dreaming of an actual win when it counts.
This man, for all his knowledge of move sets and wrestling style has been going through the firing squad of who is who in this business, Jack Diamond, Dylan Black, even new up and comers like Close Collins or Random, and each and every one of them has taken a piece of Jason’s scalp as a trophy.
He shook his head in disgust. Spitting off to the side.
“And now that I finally get him inside the ring, he’s nothing but a flattened run down stretch arm strong. Broken, deflated, with absolutely none of the magic stuff left inside to make him look like his former glory.”
Steve sighs.
“It’s sad that it’s come down to this. It’s sad to watch somebody who was clearly considered to be a top tier wrestler, limp his way to ringside and get a little closer to death.”
Steve took a step. A guarantee in his eyes.
“That’s why at Phantom of Guilt, it’s the End of the Line for you Jason Long. I’m not doing this out of anger or spite. I’m doing this because it’s what you deserve. You deserve to have this never ending line of falling short be finished so you can finally go home and rest.”
He rubs his hands together in anticipation.
“Because I’m Hard(k)ore Baby!”
“you are about to find out!”
“At Phantom of Guilt, there is no more. You’ve been beaten by everyone there is to be beaten by. You have lost a chance at every title there is to win. And now when it’s all said and done and you realize that The Face of the Franchise is just another in a long line of people that you just can’t topple you will finally accept your place.”
Steve Awesome slowly pulls off his sunglasses.
“At Phantom of Guilt, I’m going to leave you broken, bloody, and defeated just like you’re used to Jason. But I won’t take your scalp, I won’t damage your name as I bounce off, you won’t lose a piece of yourself.”
“No.”
“I’m going to do what everyone one of those who did, didn’t have the balls to do to you.”
Steve glares confidently into the camera with his green eyes.
“I’m gonna put you out of your misery Jason.”
“Through blood and violence.”
Big smile. He truly felt like the hero in this situation. Deep sigh. He imagines his gift in awe.
“Then you can finally be free.”
Crotch Chop.
Fade.
“Todd Lerr!”
The XHF Hardcore Champion roared. The champ stomped directly toward the alien agent and grabbed him by his tiny lapels.
“You better explain to me right now why I don’t have an Oscar for best actor and a balding and fat Brendan Fraiser does!”
Without skipping a beat, Todd Lerr had an answer prepared.
“Did you watch The Whale?”
Steve sneers and shook his head indignantly.
“No, I didn't watch The Whale!”
“It was truly a work of art. Brave. Strong. Graceful.”
Steve rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Doh come on! Don’t give me that crap! It’s freaking George of the Jungle crying in a fat suit!”
Todd Lerr nods his head.
“Yeah. That fat suit was a nice touch.”
Todd just shrugs his shoulders.
“Oh well, what can you do?”
Steve drops the small alien and facepalms in frustration.
“Dup, juh, ska…”
The Face of the Franchise says, unable to make words for a few moments while the frustration seeped into his brains. Finally he points a finger of blame directly at the would-be Hollywood agent.
“YOU promised me I would win an Oscar! I changed my movie for you. I KISSED SPIKE KANE!”
Steve shouted. Pacing back and forth. He turned and shouted again.
“ON THE MOUTH!”
He stomps his foot.
“I SHOULD BE STANDING HERE…”
He holds out his empty right hand.
“WITH AN OSCAR AWARD IN MY HAND-“
He points with his left and really spins his finger around with attitude.
“AND ALLLLLLLL THE CLEAR AND OBVIOUS RESPECT AND ADMIRATION THAT WOULD COME ALONG WITH WINNING SUCH A PRIDEFUL AND DISTINGUISHED AWARD!!!”
Steve crosses his arms and takes a minute to catch his breath! Todd Lerr isn’t phased by Steve’s shouting and flailing. In fact he uses this moment to try to fix things.
“And you completely would have won the award! We had everything mapped out but then “Encino Man” put on a fat suit, poured out fifteen years of trauma on screen in front of our eyes and made the best return to Hollywood anyone has done in a long time. You gotta give credit where it’s due!”
Steve, still with his arms crossed, refused to give any credit, anywhere. He instead takes a seat and pouts in one of their tiny chairs.
“I just feel like you let me down, Todd.”
Todd pats Steve on his adult sized leg.
“Sometimes that’s just how Hollywood wood is, big guy. Besides…”
Todd wordless away on his tiny and evil legs.
“The important thing is now we have everything we need to blow up Earth and complete our space highway!”
“Ope…”
Steve forgot about that part in his anger of not winning.
“And Steve…Don’t go and think that you can just make this another Bang Bros adventure and fill your rumble promos, because if we catch wind that you are trying to stop us not only will we tell everyone that you wet the bed but also that you helped us orchestrate everything! Hahaha and you know what that means!”
Steve holds his head in shock!
“Everyone will totally think I’m a dick! I can’t let people find out what I’ve done! They’d never let me win an Oscar if they knew I almost let the world get destroyed!”
Todd Lerr laughs again.
“You can’t beat us Steve. Just stay quiet and maybe on the next planet we’ll let you dance in our movies.”
Fade out on evil baby laughter.
~
STEVE AWESOME
HARD(K)ORE CHAMPION
“Prince…”
“Maverick….”
Steve smirks into the camera.
“Jason Long.”
Steve mocks his opponent by performing a bow and then a crotch chop right after.
“It’s going to be the End of the Line for you at Phantom of Guilt.”
Steve nodded and shifted his championship to his other shoulder.
“Now it’s clear that I don’t run away from matches”
He pats the title on his shoulder.
“If someone wanted a piece of me and we could make some money I’m all for it.
“I’ve been back soundly in the XHF for a couple of years now and all through that time I've heard your names. Constantly being chirped at me at “cons” and “a.m.a’s”. I’d read about it in the dirt sheets. People wanted to see the Face of the Franchise step inside the ring with Mister Insert gimmick here, Jason Long.”
Steve simply shrugged.
“But as I rose to a status, to a tier, a spot that only the Face of the Franchise can reach-“
Crotch Chop.
“Sadly I wasn’t able to actually get a match in with Jason Long while I was XCrown Champion and truly at the top of the mountain of professional wrestling. While I was turning myself into a household name I don’t know, I guess Jason Long was changing his name and his moveset for three years?”
Steve shrugs and smirks.
“But hey, now that I’ve sort of taken a step down to really put some shine on and elevate the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World into a championship that people actually want, it’s time for a legend like me to really step into the ring with someone from the undercard like Jason Long.”
Steve felt bad for saying what he said and tried to rephrase it.
“Well I mean, it had to happen this way, I certainly wouldn’t waste my time normally on some Indy scrub just because the internet thought it would be cool.”
Steve laughs out loud.
“But as your Hard(k)ore Champion of the World im giving mood. Let’s go ahead and have ourselves a dream match. After all this time, all this internet buzz, let me go ahead and punch my dance card with Jason Long. I look in front of me and what do I see of Jason Long?”
Steve’s smile fades away and he’s left with a look of shame. He slowly shook his head as he “tsk’d” at the thought.
“I see a broken man.”
“I see a man who was at one point the XCrown champion in twenty nineteen, but now he’s been beaten and bloodied by so many key people in the year twenty twenty three that his face doesn’t even look the same as it did four years ago.”
“This is the man I’m supposed to have a dream match with? This man is dreaming of an actual win when it counts.
This man, for all his knowledge of move sets and wrestling style has been going through the firing squad of who is who in this business, Jack Diamond, Dylan Black, even new up and comers like Close Collins or Random, and each and every one of them has taken a piece of Jason’s scalp as a trophy.
He shook his head in disgust. Spitting off to the side.
“And now that I finally get him inside the ring, he’s nothing but a flattened run down stretch arm strong. Broken, deflated, with absolutely none of the magic stuff left inside to make him look like his former glory.”
Steve sighs.
“It’s sad that it’s come down to this. It’s sad to watch somebody who was clearly considered to be a top tier wrestler, limp his way to ringside and get a little closer to death.”
Steve took a step. A guarantee in his eyes.
“That’s why at Phantom of Guilt, it’s the End of the Line for you Jason Long. I’m not doing this out of anger or spite. I’m doing this because it’s what you deserve. You deserve to have this never ending line of falling short be finished so you can finally go home and rest.”
He rubs his hands together in anticipation.
“Because I’m Hard(k)ore Baby!”
“you are about to find out!”
“At Phantom of Guilt, there is no more. You’ve been beaten by everyone there is to be beaten by. You have lost a chance at every title there is to win. And now when it’s all said and done and you realize that The Face of the Franchise is just another in a long line of people that you just can’t topple you will finally accept your place.”
Steve Awesome slowly pulls off his sunglasses.
“At Phantom of Guilt, I’m going to leave you broken, bloody, and defeated just like you’re used to Jason. But I won’t take your scalp, I won’t damage your name as I bounce off, you won’t lose a piece of yourself.”
“No.”
“I’m going to do what everyone one of those who did, didn’t have the balls to do to you.”
Steve glares confidently into the camera with his green eyes.
“I’m gonna put you out of your misery Jason.”
“Through blood and violence.”
Big smile. He truly felt like the hero in this situation. Deep sigh. He imagines his gift in awe.
“Then you can finally be free.”
Crotch Chop.
Fade.