Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 29, 2023 22:04:02 GMT -5
"How do they function?"
"The same way yours do, I assume."
"No, mine aren’t the equivalent size of 50% of my height!"
"Not with THAT attitude…"
*Our intrepid quartet of e’re-do-wells are emerging from a quaint, Japanese pet shop. In their possession is a large bag of rat chow, some rodent bedding, a plastic hamster ball, … and in DT’s hands is a large package of piddle pads, used to allow your pet to go to the restroom indoors.*
"You DO realize that those pads are for dogs? Large dogs?"
"Good enough for Scooby-Doo, good enough for Jerry … or Remy … she’s a rat not a mouse, I’m learning."
"Nobody tell him that rats basically pee constantly a little teensy bit as they walk…"
"I still don’t understand how the male rats can maneuver at all with all that … junk in the caboose."
"BALLS!"
*Sarah runs ahead, holding her hamster ball, rat in her jacket pocket, to a street vendor selling meatballs.*
"Yes they’re parallel to the spinal cord. They go back instead of hanging down, unlike yours. That’s some low hanging fruit you got there."
"HOW WOULD YOU KNO- I mean, as men get past forty … sometimes …"
"Gravity’s a bitch, I got it up top!"
"MELONS!"
*Sarah runs off to a produce stand and looks at the assortment of Japanese winter melons.*
"On another topic … any other topic, please."
*The quartet continues to walk down the road to their lodgings as Sarah and Poka lead the way, toting their wares back from the pet shop. We watch as DT begins to get more animated in his gesturing. One would think that holding a 2x2x2.5 foot rectangular prism of absorbant pee pee pads would prevent extreme gesticulating, but as an Italian, DT finds a way to look as goofy and animated as possible.*
"I don’t even understand how the man is still in business. Who is backing this mockery of the sport we love and perform well in!?"
"Again, I remind you this is an XHF match, Mongo is funding it."
"Yes but this has Kira’s grubby little fingerprints all over it. I can see it now, him hunched over his 1990’s laptop, watching FLCL with the lights low when his email alerts him he has a message forcing him to host this tag match. He spins around, throws a hentai themed dart at a corkboard full of horrible ways to die and then another at a board of all his tag teams and then emails Mongo back this piece of shit."
"It is a shame Japan does not have OSHA violations, I feel as if many of his matches would not be able to take place in America. Chaos, did you update our international travel health insurance?"
"Yes, and I also restocked my emergency health travel bag. I got you besty!"
"It’s almost like he has no faith in the skill of his performers. Every match is just masochism and sadism on display. Some of his roster are insanely talented wrestlers and yet every match you have to risk your health and well-being. All to entertain the world’s oldest toddler, and a host of financial backers with no regard for the state of their homeland."
"To be fair that’s most of the matches you’ve been in in the past three years."
"If you’re trying to compare Kira to Mongo, that is NOT a flattering comparison. But Kira is at least 200 pounds of cellulite right in the glutes away from being on Mongo’s level."
"I am surprised you feel this strongly, given a similar relationship with the fed that must not be named."
"GUNS?"
*Somewhere in North Carolina, intrepid viewers could swear they hear the scream of rage of a seemingly sweet old matriarch of a racing company.*
"No the OTHER one. The one you actually worked for as they tried to kill you on a tri-weekly basis."
"The difference is the patriarch of THAT place is fallen from grace and the place no longer exists. J-Rok is the longest lasting fed in the XHF Network! And at least Mongo has SOMEWHAT mellowed out as his age climbs ever closer towards his belt size. The point I’m trying to make is that Brandon and Jack deserve better. Better from their home fed … better from their boss. Here they are, trying to make a living and you don’t hear of Kira offering them any kind of counseling over the events that transpired here. No assistance for the man whose husband has basically gone full Shattered Glass on them."
"Is that the one where Spock had a beard?"
*DT stifles a laugh and shakes his head.*
"Wrong fandom, Chaos."
"I agree there are some challenges ahead of us, but I have faith in our ability to persevere in the face of these hardships. We will succeed where others have failed."
"And I’ve got Band-aids if things go poorly!"
*It is now night time, and DT is walking the streets of Tokyo, alone. He has his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, bowler hat sitting askew on his head as he takes in the sights. He keeps a brisk pace as the camera stays ahead of him. The crew is clearly on some kind of motorized cart with a stabilizer. Bright lights come from one side, illuminating the XHF Global Tag Team Champion. The shadow that is cast from his body points towards the destroyed neighborhood, the victims of Kira’s hubris and Dylan and Dar’s bad attitudes – allegedly.*
"Through all this shit being slung in the direction of your boss, rightfully earned I might add … I want you both to know. I respect you. Two hard working, talented wrestlers out to be the very best. Two men held back by circumstance and inept management. Two men suffering the machinations of smaller men. Be they albino-clad shitstains, or violent psychopaths. Persevering through the loss of your family, your home, your safety … I respect you. So it does my heart a little bit of good to see you in a better mindstate for this next incursion into MY world."
*DT turns and begins to walk along the street where a public garden sprawls out to the side of him, leaving the barren, charred wastes behind him.*
"And I understand that what you intend to do to win this match is not personal. It’s not a critique of us, the champs. But it is a result of the choices made by your boss and benefactor. I will do my best not to take it personally as I am forced to contort your bodies, letting the blood leech out slowly from a thousand cuts, until you either submit or nobly fall at my hands. I hope you also understand that this is not meant to be personal against you either. But it is personal to me. These titles that Mistress and I hold … they MEAN something. And if you are going to try to win them from us, you will need to sacrifice every bit of energy and will you have. Because these are precious to us. We are the best tag team to ever step into the XHF Network, don’t even at me. If anyone could have proven otherwise they should have done so already."
*DT stops and looks up into the moonlight, trying to find any familiar constellations. He breathes deep and lets out a long sigh, his breath visibly blasting out into the crisp night air.*
"I know what you two are. And I know that to say ‘We are the best we will win’ without the slightest inkling of what you can do would be callous and stupid. But understand me when I say this. You may be at home in the violence and bloodshed. You two may not be the types to stall and think of your opponents until AFTER the win is secured. But you should damn well know that in the ring, the two of us are just as driven. I existed in SWAT for a long while, being broken on a daily basis, and still damn near saved that place on my own, won more than I lost because I would … not … stop."
*DT begins moving again as he says this. Hands back into his pockets, hot breath cascading from his lips in a stream of venom and vapor.*
"You are no strangers to history. Doing anything to win is not a trait exclusive to you. Ask Dylan about the time I ripped his cybernetic limb off to eliminate him from an X*Crown match. Ask Leon Chant about the time I concussed him with three straight Main Attractions because he didn’t know when he was beat. Ask Timeless Alex Turner about what happens when you underestimate the abilities of my partner."
*He shakes his head remembering that whole ordeal.*
"Some people flake under hardship. Some people can’t get the help they need to survive it. And while I’m glad that between our last match and now, I’m reasonably convinced I no longer need to be on the lookout for two more future champions walking into the ocean … I am more than a little concerned at what this match may force us to do to put you down … and the fact that you might just be in the state of mind to think that we won’t follow through with what is necessary."
*DT begins to get closer to the camera as it slows to a crawl. He gets very close to it, breath nearly fogging the lens.*
"Your world crumbled around you. It seems like things are never going to improve. I … get it. I understand that feeling of rock bottom. And the shocking realization that shit can keep getting worse. Ten years of my life I lost in a concussion haze. You lost your home, you lost your respect for your job, you are losing your loved ones, you are not in control so you fight and claw and do what you must to scrape out some sense of control back. … I lost … my fucking self. So trust me when I say, I understand your frustrations. And I respect you for fighting onward. But don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. Don’t think our joy, love, and triumph has left us in a malaise. We are bringing this fight to you hard. If you do manage to claw these titles from us … you will DAMN sure have earned them. And I have faith you will continue to raise their status. But I REALLY hope you understand, that while I can empathize and sympathize with the raw emotion you are dealing with … that … will not … stop us. We are the champs for a reason, for 11 long months these titles have been the building blocks and then spoils of our fruitful union. And maybe, just maybe … I’m enjoying my first extended run of happiness and success with one of these. And maybe I’ll do whatever it takes … to make sure it doesn’t end."
*DT backs away and smiles at the camera.*
"So do try to have fun. And when all is said and done go take it to Kira and EVE and be the champs we know you can be. Just … not the global tag team champs. No disrespect. It’s just that we are the literal top of the class right now. And the rumble is calling to us. See you soon, gents. Best of luck."
*DT drifts past the camera as we fade out*
"The same way yours do, I assume."
"No, mine aren’t the equivalent size of 50% of my height!"
"Not with THAT attitude…"
*Our intrepid quartet of e’re-do-wells are emerging from a quaint, Japanese pet shop. In their possession is a large bag of rat chow, some rodent bedding, a plastic hamster ball, … and in DT’s hands is a large package of piddle pads, used to allow your pet to go to the restroom indoors.*
"You DO realize that those pads are for dogs? Large dogs?"
"Good enough for Scooby-Doo, good enough for Jerry … or Remy … she’s a rat not a mouse, I’m learning."
"Nobody tell him that rats basically pee constantly a little teensy bit as they walk…"
"I still don’t understand how the male rats can maneuver at all with all that … junk in the caboose."
"BALLS!"
*Sarah runs ahead, holding her hamster ball, rat in her jacket pocket, to a street vendor selling meatballs.*
"Yes they’re parallel to the spinal cord. They go back instead of hanging down, unlike yours. That’s some low hanging fruit you got there."
"HOW WOULD YOU KNO- I mean, as men get past forty … sometimes …"
"Gravity’s a bitch, I got it up top!"
"MELONS!"
*Sarah runs off to a produce stand and looks at the assortment of Japanese winter melons.*
"On another topic … any other topic, please."
*The quartet continues to walk down the road to their lodgings as Sarah and Poka lead the way, toting their wares back from the pet shop. We watch as DT begins to get more animated in his gesturing. One would think that holding a 2x2x2.5 foot rectangular prism of absorbant pee pee pads would prevent extreme gesticulating, but as an Italian, DT finds a way to look as goofy and animated as possible.*
"I don’t even understand how the man is still in business. Who is backing this mockery of the sport we love and perform well in!?"
"Again, I remind you this is an XHF match, Mongo is funding it."
"Yes but this has Kira’s grubby little fingerprints all over it. I can see it now, him hunched over his 1990’s laptop, watching FLCL with the lights low when his email alerts him he has a message forcing him to host this tag match. He spins around, throws a hentai themed dart at a corkboard full of horrible ways to die and then another at a board of all his tag teams and then emails Mongo back this piece of shit."
"It is a shame Japan does not have OSHA violations, I feel as if many of his matches would not be able to take place in America. Chaos, did you update our international travel health insurance?"
"Yes, and I also restocked my emergency health travel bag. I got you besty!"
"It’s almost like he has no faith in the skill of his performers. Every match is just masochism and sadism on display. Some of his roster are insanely talented wrestlers and yet every match you have to risk your health and well-being. All to entertain the world’s oldest toddler, and a host of financial backers with no regard for the state of their homeland."
"To be fair that’s most of the matches you’ve been in in the past three years."
"If you’re trying to compare Kira to Mongo, that is NOT a flattering comparison. But Kira is at least 200 pounds of cellulite right in the glutes away from being on Mongo’s level."
"I am surprised you feel this strongly, given a similar relationship with the fed that must not be named."
"GUNS?"
*Somewhere in North Carolina, intrepid viewers could swear they hear the scream of rage of a seemingly sweet old matriarch of a racing company.*
"No the OTHER one. The one you actually worked for as they tried to kill you on a tri-weekly basis."
"The difference is the patriarch of THAT place is fallen from grace and the place no longer exists. J-Rok is the longest lasting fed in the XHF Network! And at least Mongo has SOMEWHAT mellowed out as his age climbs ever closer towards his belt size. The point I’m trying to make is that Brandon and Jack deserve better. Better from their home fed … better from their boss. Here they are, trying to make a living and you don’t hear of Kira offering them any kind of counseling over the events that transpired here. No assistance for the man whose husband has basically gone full Shattered Glass on them."
"Is that the one where Spock had a beard?"
*DT stifles a laugh and shakes his head.*
"Wrong fandom, Chaos."
"I agree there are some challenges ahead of us, but I have faith in our ability to persevere in the face of these hardships. We will succeed where others have failed."
"And I’ve got Band-aids if things go poorly!"
*It is now night time, and DT is walking the streets of Tokyo, alone. He has his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, bowler hat sitting askew on his head as he takes in the sights. He keeps a brisk pace as the camera stays ahead of him. The crew is clearly on some kind of motorized cart with a stabilizer. Bright lights come from one side, illuminating the XHF Global Tag Team Champion. The shadow that is cast from his body points towards the destroyed neighborhood, the victims of Kira’s hubris and Dylan and Dar’s bad attitudes – allegedly.*
"Through all this shit being slung in the direction of your boss, rightfully earned I might add … I want you both to know. I respect you. Two hard working, talented wrestlers out to be the very best. Two men held back by circumstance and inept management. Two men suffering the machinations of smaller men. Be they albino-clad shitstains, or violent psychopaths. Persevering through the loss of your family, your home, your safety … I respect you. So it does my heart a little bit of good to see you in a better mindstate for this next incursion into MY world."
*DT turns and begins to walk along the street where a public garden sprawls out to the side of him, leaving the barren, charred wastes behind him.*
"And I understand that what you intend to do to win this match is not personal. It’s not a critique of us, the champs. But it is a result of the choices made by your boss and benefactor. I will do my best not to take it personally as I am forced to contort your bodies, letting the blood leech out slowly from a thousand cuts, until you either submit or nobly fall at my hands. I hope you also understand that this is not meant to be personal against you either. But it is personal to me. These titles that Mistress and I hold … they MEAN something. And if you are going to try to win them from us, you will need to sacrifice every bit of energy and will you have. Because these are precious to us. We are the best tag team to ever step into the XHF Network, don’t even at me. If anyone could have proven otherwise they should have done so already."
*DT stops and looks up into the moonlight, trying to find any familiar constellations. He breathes deep and lets out a long sigh, his breath visibly blasting out into the crisp night air.*
"I know what you two are. And I know that to say ‘We are the best we will win’ without the slightest inkling of what you can do would be callous and stupid. But understand me when I say this. You may be at home in the violence and bloodshed. You two may not be the types to stall and think of your opponents until AFTER the win is secured. But you should damn well know that in the ring, the two of us are just as driven. I existed in SWAT for a long while, being broken on a daily basis, and still damn near saved that place on my own, won more than I lost because I would … not … stop."
*DT begins moving again as he says this. Hands back into his pockets, hot breath cascading from his lips in a stream of venom and vapor.*
"You are no strangers to history. Doing anything to win is not a trait exclusive to you. Ask Dylan about the time I ripped his cybernetic limb off to eliminate him from an X*Crown match. Ask Leon Chant about the time I concussed him with three straight Main Attractions because he didn’t know when he was beat. Ask Timeless Alex Turner about what happens when you underestimate the abilities of my partner."
*He shakes his head remembering that whole ordeal.*
"Some people flake under hardship. Some people can’t get the help they need to survive it. And while I’m glad that between our last match and now, I’m reasonably convinced I no longer need to be on the lookout for two more future champions walking into the ocean … I am more than a little concerned at what this match may force us to do to put you down … and the fact that you might just be in the state of mind to think that we won’t follow through with what is necessary."
*DT begins to get closer to the camera as it slows to a crawl. He gets very close to it, breath nearly fogging the lens.*
"Your world crumbled around you. It seems like things are never going to improve. I … get it. I understand that feeling of rock bottom. And the shocking realization that shit can keep getting worse. Ten years of my life I lost in a concussion haze. You lost your home, you lost your respect for your job, you are losing your loved ones, you are not in control so you fight and claw and do what you must to scrape out some sense of control back. … I lost … my fucking self. So trust me when I say, I understand your frustrations. And I respect you for fighting onward. But don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. Don’t think our joy, love, and triumph has left us in a malaise. We are bringing this fight to you hard. If you do manage to claw these titles from us … you will DAMN sure have earned them. And I have faith you will continue to raise their status. But I REALLY hope you understand, that while I can empathize and sympathize with the raw emotion you are dealing with … that … will not … stop us. We are the champs for a reason, for 11 long months these titles have been the building blocks and then spoils of our fruitful union. And maybe, just maybe … I’m enjoying my first extended run of happiness and success with one of these. And maybe I’ll do whatever it takes … to make sure it doesn’t end."
*DT backs away and smiles at the camera.*
"So do try to have fun. And when all is said and done go take it to Kira and EVE and be the champs we know you can be. Just … not the global tag team champs. No disrespect. It’s just that we are the literal top of the class right now. And the rumble is calling to us. See you soon, gents. Best of luck."
*DT drifts past the camera as we fade out*
