Post by Rage and Cage on Apr 11, 2023 9:42:23 GMT -5
“Woke” Wesley Rage is stomping around the back of the most recent WUK arena. He’s taking his anger out on innocent production trunks and stage lights. He’s easily done 100 Pounds of damage and inconvenienced Petey the Production Guy. Nic Honest Cage rushes onto the scene to try to calm his brother down.
Cage: Bro, calm down! You don’t need to do this! We beat the Dark Stars!
Rage: It’s not about the match!
Cage reflects on the situation for a second, then pulls a Bud Light out of a conveniently-placed cooler and holds it up for the camera.
Cage: Why not cool down with a cold, refreshing Bud Light?
Rage takes the beer and downs it. He nods and appears to ease up.
Rage: It does comfort me to know that an affirming, supportive drink, even if it is corporate, is available. #OwningtheCons
Cage: If that doesn’t work, we also have Coors Light.
Rage: Coors Light: the beer of a company that has supported gay rights for decades?
Cage: The same! That’s so much winning that I don’t know what to do.
Rage shakes his head.
Rage: We don’t appropriate that line, bro. Even if it is for a good cause, it’s too toxic to touch.
Cage: Sorry.
Rage lightly punches Cage in the shoulder to let him know that it’s okay.
Cage: So what’s bothering you?
Rage: It’s Rob Riot.
Cage: Oh yeah. That was kind of messed up what he did with the Commonwealth Title. It had a proud 11 month history that he violated in the middle of the ring.
Rage: I don’t care about that.
Cage: You don’t?
Rage: One capitalist fuck fucking over a different capitalist fuck is just good entertainment.
Cage: Fuck…so what did Rob do wrong?
Rage: That Regressive Rob Riot kinkshamed! We don’t do that in WUK! It’s 2023, Nic!
Cage: He did?
Rage: YES! He cuckshamed Lord Dominicus!
Rage turns and looks at the camera.
Rage: Lord Dominicus, I’m with you! There’s nothing wrong with watching fit, younger men thrust and pump into your partner! It’s beautiful, bro! In fact, I will volunteer my services to pound your partner while you look on from a chair or the closet and find the pleasure that consenting, mature adults deserve!
Cage: Yeah! If Wes is taking a shit or something, I’ll tag in!
Rage: That’s lovely, Nic.
Cage: I’m a lovely kind of guy.
Rage: This is a sex positive workplace, and we won’t stand for Regressive Rob Riot thinking he has a right to criticize anyone’s orientation. I’d be fine with firing your sorry ass, but I’ll settle for beating you at Dominion and taking the WUK Tag Titles!
Cage: If you even survive until then, Robbie!
Rage: I expected better from you, Robert! After you consented to laying down, so Frank Windsor could have his pleasure, you double-crossed the sex positive community by assaulting poor Lord Dominicus! That’s not cool!
Cage: The High Rollers Club are going to lower the Bastards’ grave into the ground! Mr. Wesley Crane started your funeral services by soloing Rob Riot and Billy Fowler! Frank Windsor had to cheat just to get a Dairy Queen victory over Kalmin Watts, and nobody likes that guy!
Rage: That’s right!
Cage: Just because he eliminated both of us in that five-person tag match, he thinks he’s better than us!
Rage: Elitist prick!
Cage: His time will come, but the Bastards come first! Hopefully, we see you again in a month!
Rage: Try not to choke again…unless that’s your kink. In that case, we’ll help you out!
Cage: We’re nice like that!
They high-five and walk away. As they pass a knocked over recycling bin, Rage picks it up and tosses the Bud Light can into it.
Cage: Bro, calm down! You don’t need to do this! We beat the Dark Stars!
Rage: It’s not about the match!
Cage reflects on the situation for a second, then pulls a Bud Light out of a conveniently-placed cooler and holds it up for the camera.
Cage: Why not cool down with a cold, refreshing Bud Light?
Rage takes the beer and downs it. He nods and appears to ease up.
Rage: It does comfort me to know that an affirming, supportive drink, even if it is corporate, is available. #OwningtheCons
Cage: If that doesn’t work, we also have Coors Light.
Rage: Coors Light: the beer of a company that has supported gay rights for decades?
Cage: The same! That’s so much winning that I don’t know what to do.
Rage shakes his head.
Rage: We don’t appropriate that line, bro. Even if it is for a good cause, it’s too toxic to touch.
Cage: Sorry.
Rage lightly punches Cage in the shoulder to let him know that it’s okay.
Cage: So what’s bothering you?
Rage: It’s Rob Riot.
Cage: Oh yeah. That was kind of messed up what he did with the Commonwealth Title. It had a proud 11 month history that he violated in the middle of the ring.
Rage: I don’t care about that.
Cage: You don’t?
Rage: One capitalist fuck fucking over a different capitalist fuck is just good entertainment.
Cage: Fuck…so what did Rob do wrong?
Rage: That Regressive Rob Riot kinkshamed! We don’t do that in WUK! It’s 2023, Nic!
Cage: He did?
Rage: YES! He cuckshamed Lord Dominicus!
Rage turns and looks at the camera.
Rage: Lord Dominicus, I’m with you! There’s nothing wrong with watching fit, younger men thrust and pump into your partner! It’s beautiful, bro! In fact, I will volunteer my services to pound your partner while you look on from a chair or the closet and find the pleasure that consenting, mature adults deserve!
Cage: Yeah! If Wes is taking a shit or something, I’ll tag in!
Rage: That’s lovely, Nic.
Cage: I’m a lovely kind of guy.
Rage: This is a sex positive workplace, and we won’t stand for Regressive Rob Riot thinking he has a right to criticize anyone’s orientation. I’d be fine with firing your sorry ass, but I’ll settle for beating you at Dominion and taking the WUK Tag Titles!
Cage: If you even survive until then, Robbie!
Rage: I expected better from you, Robert! After you consented to laying down, so Frank Windsor could have his pleasure, you double-crossed the sex positive community by assaulting poor Lord Dominicus! That’s not cool!
Cage: The High Rollers Club are going to lower the Bastards’ grave into the ground! Mr. Wesley Crane started your funeral services by soloing Rob Riot and Billy Fowler! Frank Windsor had to cheat just to get a Dairy Queen victory over Kalmin Watts, and nobody likes that guy!
Rage: That’s right!
Cage: Just because he eliminated both of us in that five-person tag match, he thinks he’s better than us!
Rage: Elitist prick!
Cage: His time will come, but the Bastards come first! Hopefully, we see you again in a month!
Rage: Try not to choke again…unless that’s your kink. In that case, we’ll help you out!
Cage: We’re nice like that!
They high-five and walk away. As they pass a knocked over recycling bin, Rage picks it up and tosses the Bud Light can into it.