Post by mosler on Apr 24, 2023 11:25:10 GMT -5
(A solid decade of Radu Matei’s career was spent trapped in an unending tour of Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition’s Dixie based territory. When administrative errors led the ghoulish bug lover to the main SWAT organization, Matei had little time to enjoy the international schedule. A steady stream of heroic bloodshed meant that the majority of Matei’s global excursions were spent taking in the decor of emergency rooms instead of UNESCO World Heritage sites. At the companies’ annual summer Memorial show, Matei announced his retirement. Even coaxed back to a light tag schedule by Caffrey, there should still have been time to experience life. After fifteen years of none stop pain, The Sacrificial Idol was finally going to stop and smell the roses. Not unlike a bee.)
(The world is very different now.)
(Travel isn’t what it used to be. If Matei wasn’t part of a roaming circus, his safety might not be put at risk to entertain the masses. Some things never change. When the flight crossed into Thai air space, Deathless couldn’t help but thank his lucky stars that he hadn’t retired yet. He might not have gotten over the border otherwise.)
(Khao Sok National Park.)
(One of the oldest evergreen forests in the world. A lush green landscape separates the bright blue of the Cheow Larn Lake from the limestone mountains that dot the skyline. A veritable paradise.)
(Thick in the bush hikes Radu Matei. His backpack has dozens of clear containers tied to it, each housing a colony of creepy crawlies. Oh, he might be collecting the extremely painful stinging nettle caterpillars to shove down Ethan Mill’s trousers at an opportune moment in his upcoming encounter, but there are more species than that. Not every Asian Giant Hornet has Gordon Carlson’s name on it. Just one.)
Radu Matei: Greetings CAR. Just when the Purple Emperors thought that we had gotten past the bears, it seems another one has come out of the forest.
(Referencing the woods, Matei looks up at the green canopy overhead. He places one of his hands against a massive trunk. Broken knuckles warmly pat the bark. Deep breathe. All those years in a jungle of 711s, Matei could never have imagined this beauty.)
Radu Matei: Carlson and Ghaven. Your interview styles are well suited. You like to sound off against someone else. That second voice assuring you that what you’re saying is right. Feeding you the set-up lines to your next thoughts. Filling up space to suggest a larger depth of thought. Conversations apparently come easier to you than monologues. There is nothing wrong with that. I am more of a loner, so this style suits me. Are monologues better? No. Just different. In a tournament promoting tag team growth, more power to you for promoting the back and forth exchange dynamic. ...It is just a pity you two have more chemistry with your managers than with each other.
(Crooked fingers dig into the bark, tearing a strip off. What sun sneaks through the overgrown canopy startles the giant centipedes underneath.)
(Before they can scurry away, Deathless has reached out snatching one. The fifteen-inch bug digs its mandibles into Matei’s hand, drawing blood.)
Radu Matei: The reason, you aren’t seeing me and Caffrey together here – is that bugs really aren’t his thing.
All I wanted to do when I retired was to collect poisonous insects to help researchers develop anti-venoms. That is my end game. Since our hosts at CAR were able to get us into Thailand, I couldn’t pass up this opportunity. I have to make the most of every free minute I have in this amazing land, because given the state of the world, I have no idea when I’ll get back here. I will make it up to my partner by going to an Eagles game later. We have plenty of time to bond.
I thought one fun team building exercise that the Purple Emperors could do was go fishing for nurse sharks. All we need is some bait, and since I value the lives of worms, I figured we could dangle Northern Pro from hooks.
(Using his thumb, Deathless strokes the centipede, trying to relax it into removing its mandibles.)
Radu Matei: Besides, unlike all the other random stars that have been thrown together for this tournament, The Purple Emperors have already racked up six victories. No small feat in the dramatic world of the XHF tag division. Congratulations on your victory together, Gordon and Joe. Does that win being over brothers make you tag specialists? We actually have a track record, and feel far less like a single stars’ vanity project. Isn’t that right, Gus?
Giant Centipede named Gus: ...
Radu Matei: You’ve added a lot to this interview, thanks.
(As the centipede finally relaxes, The Sacrificial Idol quickly places the nightmare-inducing insect into another clear plastic container. Having made his point about soundboards, Deathless places a lid on his co-interviewee. Tying the box to his backpack, Gus soon finds himself next to the bullet ants that Matei plans to force feed Ghaven. A snack that will bite back.)
Radu Matei: When Lynx pulled out, did you feel like the slot you were taking might make more sense for another Northern Pro team, Carlson? Or was it REALLY important for you to work a tag match before going an hour with Eric Dane? That was a hell of a match, by the way. No matter what the result was, you can lord those extra twenty-five minutes over Dane's head. Congratulations Carlson, you looked so much better than Dane at the pay per view. I get it. You’re a company man, and it was the right thing to do for Northern Pro. So being in the tag tournament was important that first night. Now you can sacrifice the Bear to the respective ACES of SWAT and Fireside, without him looking too bad. Nice. I am all about sacrifices. ...The only thing is, I like noble sacrifices. You gained the benefit of the pay per view double appearance to undermine your nemesis, so it should be YOU Carlson, that gets fed to sharks.
Any other result is a VERY Eric Dane move. Try putting someone else ahead of yourself FOR A CHANGE, Carlson.
(Noticing a caterpillar on his shoe, Matei stops to let it slowly crawl to safety.)
Radu Matei: Joe Ghaven. In the first round, The Purple Emperors faced the most ferocious bears in the XHF.
Strangely enough, you were not among them.
Perhaps the XHF tried calling to secure your bear services, but Ethan Mills just assumed their interest in you was fictional. ...As most of his calls are made up.
(The insect safely retreating into the underbrush, Matei continues on his stroll.)
Radu Matei: Either that or compared to the GoldBear II, Mecha GoldBear 4.5, and Triple B... you just aren’t much of a bear, Joe.
(Tearing off another strip of bark, Deathless discovers more giant centipedes, but these haven’t matured yet. He leaves them.)
Radu Matei: Carlson using you as a sacrifice. Mills using you as a meal ticket. Even I am planning to use you for your legendary strength, Joe. I believe the promise was to crush me like a bug. Should be an interesting experience. I want that. A horrific bump so monumental that it would genuinely shock the crowd when I come back from it. ...And I will come back from it. Always do.
The Purple Emperor have finished with bears.
Now we move onto sharks.
You Joe, you are a shark.
How else do you explain Carlson and Mills, leeching off you like Remoras?
Like the other sharks involved in our match, you are there against your will. An innocent victim in the name of sports entertainment. I sympathize with you, Joe. I have no qualms feeding you a lump of flesh. No creature should go hungry.
But taking a bite out of me comes with a price, and for all your wealth, you need to ask yourself if you can afford it.
(Reaching a clearing, Matei turns to the closest mature tree, and brushes off some disturbed bark. Bingo. With mantis like reflexes, Deathless picks up a friend for Gus the giant centipede.)
Radu Matei: Carlson spent a lot of time digging into Caffrey’s past, even throwing some shade at my partner’s Rat feud. See for all the history that Carlson dug up, as some sort of student of the game, he seemed to be oblivious to the fact that we cut that vermin’s head off at All That Glitters.
So perhaps the wrestling encyclopaedia is a little shallower than he presents.
(Naming this new giant centipede Ethan, Matei is quick to put him in Gus’ storage container. He hopes the two find happiness, laying lots of eggs together – before their poison is extracted and they are pulped.)
Radu Matei: The thing is Carlson. If Dane and Timeless are the other guys in Northern Pro’s main event, I have to HOPE you’re the fan favourite in that company. Just like Caffrey and myself. Joe seems to have his heart in the right place. This should have been about mutual respect. How did we lose sight of that, and get to the head-dropping portion of this encounter?
You took exception to something that Caffrey did.
Caffrey had the audacity to exclaim, in an egotistical, but ultimately jovial manner, that we were going to win the finals. He wasn’t concerned with who the competition was, knowing every team the XHF would place in the Annihilator would be of the top quality. He just showed confidence in our superior abilities.
And you decided to take that as a personal attack.
“How DARE this one guy in a field of sixteen suggest that he would win! Why didn’t he take the time to point out that he would be facing us in the semis, stating that we would clearly beat our first round opponents.”
Do you begin to see where the gears start to break down? For all the righteous indignation you throw Caffrey’s way – his only crime is being confident. It is you, Carlson, that are exhibiting all the negative traits that you paint Caffrey with. Not recognizing your greatness is the crime. Creating a slight where none existed, you have made a match that should have been about athleticism between fan favourites into a heated exchange about feeding bears to sharks. And in that exchange, you’re the bad guy.
NOW... I’m sure that wasn’t your intention, Carlson.
So...
Why don’t you apologize, like the Canadian stereotype I know you to be.
(Viewers get the impression that Radu Matei has found his happy place. If not for the incredible calming effect of the forest, this promo could have been a lot harsher. The levels of hostility that only manifest in the final line, suggest that Deathless will end up costing the Canadian government hundreds of thousands of dollars. As that country has universal health care, and the Northern Pro stars are about to be put in long-term vegetative states. Will they be able to eat poutine as they drool on themselves?)
(The only thing cushioning their necks from permanent paralysis? Sharks.)
(Radu Matei WILL drop them on their fucking heads, and it is just about how much damage the nurses will absorb.)
(Exhaling with a sense of peace that he has rarely known, Radu Matei wanders deeper into the woods.)