SNAP INTO MY PANTS {FML on Jam}
Apr 28, 2023 17:00:44 GMT -5
Kira Izumi, Dylan, and 2 more like this
Post by flo on Apr 28, 2023 17:00:44 GMT -5
“603.”
“604.”
“605.”
SPLIT.
“605 it is.”
Florida Man is shoving slim jims down his drawers to accentuate the size of his package. It turns out this pair of slacks can contain 605 slim jims before the stitching becomes questionable. Most pants breaks at 300. That is some quality Floridian sewing. When he eventually takes them off, FML has no doubt that these trousers will have been made in Bangladesh, Florida.
Florida Man:
SUPREMACY. XHF’s flagship show. Now J-RoK likes to pretend that the Visual Kei title is higher on the ol’ totem pole than the YTA. Xenophobia, no doubt. Only cause of this misconception, it created a little bit of a power struggle in your friendly neighbourhood Sky Force. So when Hayley was Visual Kei champ, even though she is a lesser member of my aeronautic harem, she got big britches. Well, you’ve seen the size of that thing. Getting sat on by it turned Dylan from Vader to Rebel terrorist faster than you can say A New Hope. Even bigger britches than big bottom bitches require. There was a tension in this Florida Mang’s Sky Force. OHS TO THE NOS... fear not FLORIDA MAN’S SKY FORCE fans – like any good Captain, I had things under control. So I offered Hayley an olive branch... we could settle our differences at Supremacy.
Wouldn’t you know it... the Network wanted to put our match at the TOP OF THE CARD. Recognizing our feud as superior to the Tap Out championship finals – and second only to the X*Crown itself, as is their way. Would have gone a dang long way to legitimizing both of us as main event players regardless of giggity gold, not to mention done right by the federation we promoted. Only without J-RoK officials, or J-RoK audience being told how to reaction, Hayley couldn’t find her smile. Oh, she was processing her title loss... wouldn’t have minded for Naus, but when it comes to your boi? She couldn’t risk the loss. So we went from HEADLINING SUPREMACY, to finally coming to blows... on the midcard of a Jam Session. ...What a champion.
Now we finally meet... and it's the great Visual Kei champ, Hayley with VERY GREEN rookie, against me and my pal, Jimmy James Raymond. Two former network champions. Sure makes Hayley look good, don’t it? Starting to understand the favourable spin she gets from not stepping foot outside Japan.
Well Hayley, congratulations... you mint our junior member as the next big thing against us two BIG BAD MEN, or you lose... but only because it was Shelby’s first match. Talk about stalking the deck.
Only I’m not coming after Morris, she recognizes my Sky Force Leadership edge. Oh no, I won’t be happy unless I pin you. And I’m gonna.
See you forget my amazing tag team skills, and Jimmy, well he has a XHF tag championship win that proves he ain’t nothing to sneeze at. Nah, only thing us hombres need is a name... and I am THE KING OF NAMING TAG TEAMS!
Gazoo:
Oldy Time Slayers.
Florida Man:
Nah, Gaz, me and Jimmy are New Age to the broken crown on my tooth. I guess what I’m saying is... SKY FORCE B TEAM... WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN NEW AGE PUSSY RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gazoo:
Probably recruit you.
Florida Man:
This ain't caged heat! I’m already in the gang. I’m the best member!
Gazoo:
Also, I thought you were the American part of American Pussy.
Florida Man:
That would make Charles the pussy? Nah, he is American, I’m the PUSSY on account of me being beloved. Also, I come from Florida not America, so that would be false advertising. Nah me and Jimmy Ray are New Age Pussies to the extreme!
Back.
Florida Man:
I hope after me and Jimmy are done scraping your entrails off our boots, Hayley, New Girl, we can go back to our respectful SUPER COOL LEADER to NOT THE BEST HENCHWOMEN BUT THEY WORK FOR SCALE SO HE’S POLITE ABOUT THEIR SHORTCOMINGS relationship. Because I really respect everything you two add to my Sky Force Family. For realz. In the Feelz. Keep up the good work.
SMASH CUT TO CROCODILE TEARS.
FIN!
WHICH IS FLORIDIAN FOR OVER IN EUROPEAN.
“604.”
“605.”
SPLIT.
“605 it is.”
Florida Man is shoving slim jims down his drawers to accentuate the size of his package. It turns out this pair of slacks can contain 605 slim jims before the stitching becomes questionable. Most pants breaks at 300. That is some quality Floridian sewing. When he eventually takes them off, FML has no doubt that these trousers will have been made in Bangladesh, Florida.
Florida Man:
SUPREMACY. XHF’s flagship show. Now J-RoK likes to pretend that the Visual Kei title is higher on the ol’ totem pole than the YTA. Xenophobia, no doubt. Only cause of this misconception, it created a little bit of a power struggle in your friendly neighbourhood Sky Force. So when Hayley was Visual Kei champ, even though she is a lesser member of my aeronautic harem, she got big britches. Well, you’ve seen the size of that thing. Getting sat on by it turned Dylan from Vader to Rebel terrorist faster than you can say A New Hope. Even bigger britches than big bottom bitches require. There was a tension in this Florida Mang’s Sky Force. OHS TO THE NOS... fear not FLORIDA MAN’S SKY FORCE fans – like any good Captain, I had things under control. So I offered Hayley an olive branch... we could settle our differences at Supremacy.
Wouldn’t you know it... the Network wanted to put our match at the TOP OF THE CARD. Recognizing our feud as superior to the Tap Out championship finals – and second only to the X*Crown itself, as is their way. Would have gone a dang long way to legitimizing both of us as main event players regardless of giggity gold, not to mention done right by the federation we promoted. Only without J-RoK officials, or J-RoK audience being told how to reaction, Hayley couldn’t find her smile. Oh, she was processing her title loss... wouldn’t have minded for Naus, but when it comes to your boi? She couldn’t risk the loss. So we went from HEADLINING SUPREMACY, to finally coming to blows... on the midcard of a Jam Session. ...What a champion.
Now we finally meet... and it's the great Visual Kei champ, Hayley with VERY GREEN rookie, against me and my pal, Jimmy James Raymond. Two former network champions. Sure makes Hayley look good, don’t it? Starting to understand the favourable spin she gets from not stepping foot outside Japan.
Well Hayley, congratulations... you mint our junior member as the next big thing against us two BIG BAD MEN, or you lose... but only because it was Shelby’s first match. Talk about stalking the deck.
Only I’m not coming after Morris, she recognizes my Sky Force Leadership edge. Oh no, I won’t be happy unless I pin you. And I’m gonna.
See you forget my amazing tag team skills, and Jimmy, well he has a XHF tag championship win that proves he ain’t nothing to sneeze at. Nah, only thing us hombres need is a name... and I am THE KING OF NAMING TAG TEAMS!
Gazoo:
Oldy Time Slayers.
Florida Man:
Nah, Gaz, me and Jimmy are New Age to the broken crown on my tooth. I guess what I’m saying is... SKY FORCE B TEAM... WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN NEW AGE PUSSY RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gazoo:
Probably recruit you.
Florida Man:
This ain't caged heat! I’m already in the gang. I’m the best member!
Gazoo:
Also, I thought you were the American part of American Pussy.
Florida Man:
That would make Charles the pussy? Nah, he is American, I’m the PUSSY on account of me being beloved. Also, I come from Florida not America, so that would be false advertising. Nah me and Jimmy Ray are New Age Pussies to the extreme!
Back.
Florida Man:
I hope after me and Jimmy are done scraping your entrails off our boots, Hayley, New Girl, we can go back to our respectful SUPER COOL LEADER to NOT THE BEST HENCHWOMEN BUT THEY WORK FOR SCALE SO HE’S POLITE ABOUT THEIR SHORTCOMINGS relationship. Because I really respect everything you two add to my Sky Force Family. For realz. In the Feelz. Keep up the good work.
SMASH CUT TO CROCODILE TEARS.
FIN!
WHICH IS FLORIDIAN FOR OVER IN EUROPEAN.