Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 5, 2023 19:03:15 GMT -5
*The sound of banging cuts through the darkness as we fade in on Lord Dominicus outside of the bathroom. He again brings fists to the door.* LD: Arrrrg not again! *Aroused by the noise, the other members of Bad to the Bone Racing, Big Bone and Dinosaur Bones hazily wander into the vicinity. Dominicus seems to be at his wits end.* LD: IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK TO US I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE STILL HERE! *He yells at the wooden door. Suddenly it opens and we find the Star Trekker, poking her head out. She looks past Lord Dominicus and over to Big Bone.* Trekker: Bones, can you tell Lore DominiCrap that I’m only not talking to him- and that some of us have to put effort into our look since we’re not wearing a mask all the time? *Big Bone breathes in but LD puts his hand up.* LD: I heard her. *He looks back at her.* LD: What is your problem, interloper!? Trekker: Bones, perhaps you can remind your captain that he THREW ME OUT OF THE RUMBLE- TWICE! LD: Oh are you still on that, that was nearly a week ago! Trekker: YEAH WELL WHO THROWS THEIR OWN PARTNER OUT!? LD: You’re not my partner, you’re a parasite! *Trekker’s mouth drops open in shock. She then slams the door to the bathroom door closed again. Lord Dominicus drops down to his knees in hammy overacting as he silently beats on the door.* BB: Tal vez you should tell her why you tossed her. LD: What, you mean let her know that I considered her enough of a threat that I was worried she might throw me out? *The Chief Morale Officer of the team nods. The door opens back up.* Trekker: Wait, really? LD: …Yes. *He crosses his arms as he sits on the floor.* Trekker: Well that changes everything! Quickly everyone! To the ready room! *She comes out of the bathroom, wearing a tank top and short shorts ala Star Trek Enterprise. Trekker passes the team, but none of them move. She leans back into frame.* Trekker: I mean the garage, come on guys we have a race to win! *The crew has gathered in the large open garage of the Bad to the Bone Racing compound. Trekker goes to the refrigerator.* Trekker: Orange juice, cold. LD: I already told you that’s not how tha- *She pulls out orange juice and pours it into a class. Dominicus slumps in his chair. As Trekker sits down we can see that the table is covered in manila folders.* Trekker: Alright crew, so things haven’t been going to plan lately. LD: You mean since you showed up. Trekker: I’m going to ignore that and keep going. LD: No, no you’re not. I’M in charge here! Trekker: I’m your chief strategy officer! LD: Since when!? *The heads of BB and DB follow back and forth like watching a tennis match between the two more vocal members of the team.* Trekker: Since I showed up! You’re terrible at strategy! LD: We haven’t won a race since you snuck in here! You’re an albatross! Trekker: I’m an episode of Star Trek the Animated Series streaming on Paramount+!? Is that a compliment or an insult? And HOW DARE you attack me when you haven’t even been focused on the races! LD: Oh just because I joined the Rumble!? You were in the Rumble too! Trekker: Yeah I remember- well UP UNTIL YOU THREW ME OUT- TWICE! But no- *She breathes out, trying to calm herself down.* Trekker: No, that’s not what I’m talking about. Us being in the Rumble was a team move, because you were representing CAR and I was repping Dinosaur Bones….’s fed. DB: WE WILL HAVE ANOTHER SHOW, DON’T WORRY. Trekker: That was strategy, one that you tried to eliminate! LD: WHY ARE YOU HERE!? Trekker: You should be thanking me! I brought some diversity to this group! *Lord Dominicus seems taken aback.* LD: Diversity!? We have a Spanish speaker and an undead dinosaur! Trekker: I meant because everyone here is a guy! DB: THAT CAN’T BE PROVEN. *Defensive hands go up since Trekker can’t reverse course from that possible faux pas.* Trekker: We’re getting off track, what I mean is that with the global titles coming through and you’re gallivanting in Wrestle: UK….we need to focus this month. It’s the last chance to get to the Sippy Cup, where we can ruin Reedy Creek….and the other teams, once and for all! *The air cools. Lord Dominicus rubs his chin, almost a DominiThink but not quite.* LD: Ah yes, the evil. Go on. *There’s a broad gesture towards the manila folders on the table from Trekker as she explains.* Trekker: We need to focus. We’ve got a lot of dirt on everyone in the race, it’s time we actually use it. BB: You mean… Trekker: That’s right, it’s time to get back on track and do what we set out to do this season. *She leans over and covers the sides of Big Bone’s head where his ears should be.* Trekker: It’s time to blackmail CAR! *The unofficial member of the team releases his ears now that the evil part is done.* Trekker: So here’s the plan… *Unfortunately we fade out before we find out what it is.* *But fortunately we fade back in! A viewscreen graphic frames the face of Lord Dominicus as he looks right at everyone watching.* LD: This is a transmission to every team in CAR- and CAR management as well! Yes, we have hacked your visuals just for this. *He points to the camera.* LD: Consider yourselves on notice! As you know from our previous threats, we have worked hard to dig up dirt on all of the teams in CAR. And don’t think you’re safe, Death Trap and your Bowler Hat Bumblers! We’re currently infiltrating your base as we speak! *Quick cut to DEATH TRAP!? Wait…why does DT have a tail? Ooooooh, it’s Dinosaur Bones in a bowler hat. Wow, that is an amazing disguise; nobody can even tell DB is not DT. Truly a master of going undercover. Anyway, back to Lord Dominicus on the viewscreen.* LD: This is your FINAL WARNING! If Bad to the Bone Racing doesn’t win the Anniversary Sippy Cup Qualifier this month then we will be releasing ALL of the dirty laundry your teams, and the CAR management, have tried to hide! *He waves a manila folder at the screen.* LD: Again, this is your final warning. Bad to the Bone Racing is focused and ready to bring CHAOS UPON YOU ALL! Good luck winning the Sippy Cup when all your DARKEST SECRETS are laid bare! We are ready AND WILLING to ruin your lives to win this race. *The DARK LORD OF CAR leans in.* LD: Trying to win is futile- “Ugh that’s not the line!” LD: …so you might as well just give up, pull off to the side, and let your VANTABLACK LEADER take his rightful place at the front of the heat. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! END TRANSMISSION! *The screen goes to darkness.* The Optional Race Enhancer Questions: 1. How does your driver react to being fired upon? LD: By employing my SKILLFULLY EVIL driving skills and avoiding all projectiles! 2. What is in the tunnel? DB: IT’S NOT MY STOMACH, I SWEAR. THOUGH IT COULD BE IF YOU WA- Trekker: No! DB: I NEVER GET TO DO ANYTHING FUN HERE! 3. Do you have any family friendly dialog to include in the race? Trekker: Leave any bigotry in your quarters. There’s no room for it on the bridge. BB: Apoyo esta declaración. 4. How will your team respond to winning? BB: ¡Fiesta! 5. How will your team respond to not winning? LD: Mass blackmail! MassMail? BlackMass? ALL OF YOUR SECRETS WILL BE REVEALED! |