For Sale: Birthday Suit, Frequently Worn
May 12, 2023 14:19:04 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by bloodiedfox on May 12, 2023 14:19:04 GMT -5
Once more we find ourselves in the eldritch garage of the Esoteric Order of Driving, where one would think the mood would be festive given their joint lead in the rankings and the upcoming birthday of the company they've been a key part of since the beginning. One would be wrong.
For the last time, Armbishi, no!
But Dilbert, it's CAR's birthday!
That's even less reason for you to be naked for the race!
But it's my birthday suit!
Dilbert facepalms. Armbishi makes puppy dog eyes in an attempt to melt his heart, but since Dilbert is in fact a reanimated severed head on a robot body he doesn't actually have a heart to melt. Bob The Formerly Immortal (Because He Used To Be A Book) enters the scene.
Having overheard your loud disagreement, I find myself in the rare position of agreement with Dilbert. We cannot afford to have you arrested for public indecency. The last time that happened we ended up in that whole mess with the robot kangaroos that technically lead to the series of unlikely and otherwordly events that have culminated in Bloodied Fox winning the X*Crown. Plus his estranged husband is probably not in the suitable frame of mind to be a good substitute driver again.
But that's why I want to get my kit off for the faithful CAR fans, Bob! The funny alcoholic commentator tag team champion man said this was the darkest timeline and I must use my greatest talent to spread some much needed comfort.
Dilbert places a reassuring hand on Armbishi's shoulder.
As much as it goes against my mad cult scientist persona to actually say something nice to you, you do have more talents than simply your penis.
My perky little butt?
...I was referring to your driving.
Oh... I mean, I guess I am pretty good at that too.
Indeed, so stick with that, especially since displaying your naked form to an unwilling viewer would give Bad To The Bone perfect blackmail material to get us all cancelled.
But aren't we a cult aiming to have the world taken over by horrific ancient gods that will destroy all that the human race holds dear?
And isn't 'cancelling' a bullshit made up thing that unpleasant people claim is happening to them when they have to face the consequence of people not liking them for their shitty behaviour; doubly so for cis heterosexual white men like you and I?
Armbishi, we haven't actually done anything evil the entire time we've been in CAR, and Bob since when were you liberal enough to actually acknowledge things like that?
Hey, just because I'm archaically racist doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to be a Republican!
1. How does your driver react to being fired upon?: Woah! I haven't been shot on this much since Anthrocon 2019!!!
2. What is in the tunnel?: Hopefully not oncoming traffic!
3. Do you have any family friendly dialog to include in the race?: Remember boys and girls: all life is meaningless because existence will end the instant Azathoth wakes up!
4. How will your team respond to winning?: A celebratory striptease for all my fans!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?: A consolatory striptease for all my fans!
For the last time, Armbishi, no!
But Dilbert, it's CAR's birthday!
That's even less reason for you to be naked for the race!
But it's my birthday suit!
Dilbert facepalms. Armbishi makes puppy dog eyes in an attempt to melt his heart, but since Dilbert is in fact a reanimated severed head on a robot body he doesn't actually have a heart to melt. Bob The Formerly Immortal (Because He Used To Be A Book) enters the scene.
Having overheard your loud disagreement, I find myself in the rare position of agreement with Dilbert. We cannot afford to have you arrested for public indecency. The last time that happened we ended up in that whole mess with the robot kangaroos that technically lead to the series of unlikely and otherwordly events that have culminated in Bloodied Fox winning the X*Crown. Plus his estranged husband is probably not in the suitable frame of mind to be a good substitute driver again.
But that's why I want to get my kit off for the faithful CAR fans, Bob! The funny alcoholic commentator tag team champion man said this was the darkest timeline and I must use my greatest talent to spread some much needed comfort.
Dilbert places a reassuring hand on Armbishi's shoulder.
As much as it goes against my mad cult scientist persona to actually say something nice to you, you do have more talents than simply your penis.
My perky little butt?
...I was referring to your driving.
Oh... I mean, I guess I am pretty good at that too.
Indeed, so stick with that, especially since displaying your naked form to an unwilling viewer would give Bad To The Bone perfect blackmail material to get us all cancelled.
But aren't we a cult aiming to have the world taken over by horrific ancient gods that will destroy all that the human race holds dear?
And isn't 'cancelling' a bullshit made up thing that unpleasant people claim is happening to them when they have to face the consequence of people not liking them for their shitty behaviour; doubly so for cis heterosexual white men like you and I?
Armbishi, we haven't actually done anything evil the entire time we've been in CAR, and Bob since when were you liberal enough to actually acknowledge things like that?
Hey, just because I'm archaically racist doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to be a Republican!
1. How does your driver react to being fired upon?: Woah! I haven't been shot on this much since Anthrocon 2019!!!
2. What is in the tunnel?: Hopefully not oncoming traffic!
3. Do you have any family friendly dialog to include in the race?: Remember boys and girls: all life is meaningless because existence will end the instant Azathoth wakes up!
4. How will your team respond to winning?: A celebratory striptease for all my fans!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?: A consolatory striptease for all my fans!