Super Sake Knows What You Want!
May 12, 2023 20:01:27 GMT -5
bloodiedfox, mosler, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 12, 2023 20:01:27 GMT -5
*BAM no intro, we’re right into it! A man sits at a desk in a room full of shelved books. He’s making notes on something when there’s a knock on the door.*
Man: はい、入ってください。
(Yes, please enter.)
*Slowly the door opens and sheepishly in walks a young woman in a hilariously short miniskirt and thigh-high stockings (her top though is very conservative because this is Asia).*
Man: あ、クミコさん! 私はあなたが来てくれてうれしい。 さあ、来て座ってください。
(Ah, Kumiko! I’m glad you came. Here, come and sit.)
*Kumiko nods politely several times in her nervousness and sits down across from the man on the other side of the desk.*
Kumiko: はい、教授
(Yes, professor.)
Professor: いや、もっと近づいて。 机の向こう側に来てください。
(No, come closer. Come to the other side of the desk.)
Kumiko: はい、教授
(Yes, professor.)
*Embarrassed by her perceived mistake the young woman makes a few more polite bows as she carefully and soundlessly moves her chair to the professor’s side of the desk. He gestures and she sits down across from him.*
Professor: なぜ私があなたをここに呼んだか知っていますよね?
(I’m sure you know why I called you here, right?)
*The young woman blushes and looks at the ground. She can’t even bring herself to look at him (plus in eastern cultures it’s not polite to look someone straight in the eye- especially when you’re in trouble).*
Kumiko: はい。 私の成績は恥ずかしいものでした。
(Yes. My grades have been shameful.)
Professor: あなたの成績は恥ずかしいものでした。 授業が難しいことは理解していますが、生徒たちが上達するためにできることは何でもすることを期待しています。
(They have been shameful. I understand the class is hard but I expect my students to do whatever they can to improve.)
*She’s so scared she’s practically shaking.*
Professor: 私のコースに合格しなければ卒業できないことも承知しています。
(I am also aware that if you do not pass my course you won’t be able to graduate.)
Kumiko: はい。
(Yes.)
*The girl is on the verge of crying now. The professor reaches out and puts his hand on her thigh, the part of her leg that’s actually exposed skin.*
Professor: 私は残酷な人間ではないので、もしかしたら何か解決できるかもしれません。
(I am not a cruel man, perhaps we can work something out.)
*A quick zoom in on the girl’s legs reveals drops of water falling onto them and the professor’s hand.*
Kumiko: はい、教授。 あなたが頼んだことは何でもやります。
(Yes, professor. I will do anything you ask.)
*He puts his other hand on her other thigh.*
Professor: なんでも?
(Anything?)
*Through tears and fear she submissively nods.*
Professor: あなたは私が何を望んでいるのか知っていると思います...
(I think you know what I want…)
*The girl looks up into his eyes…AND WE SMASH CUT TO “The Cornsnake” Randy Angel in a university library.*
Randy: I think we all know what you want.
*The elder Angel brother is sitting on a table with the XHF Tag Team Championships on one side and the J-ROK Super Duos Championships on the other. We cut to the only other person in the library as he snaps a book in his face revealing none other than Kris “Triple Quake” Quake.*
Quake: You want to see some HOT HOT tag action!
Randy: Yeah! From the only team these days that seems to be able to get things done…
*He gestures to the titles on either side of him.*
Quake: We’re talking about Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon!
*Randy hops off of the desk and walks towards the camera.*
Randy: And for a hopefully unlimited time you’re getting MORE Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon than you can handle! You see, since Quake and I are now the XHF Tag Team Champions, that means that we’re coming TO YOU!
*He points emphatically.*
Quake: More Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon? That deserves a drink!
*Bam! Quick cut, the two now have shot glasses of sake. They clink them together and take their shots as the camera does a semi-spin around them so you can see their delight as they release that “ahhh” that people who drink alcohol on TV always do when they drink it to show their satisfaction.*
Randy: That’s super!
Quake: …Sake!
*Another quick cut back to their original positions (as in Randy is sitting on the table again).*
Randy: Now a little bird has told me that our next stop is NEAR YOU…if you live in Atlanta, Georgia.
Quake: HOT-LANTA!
Randy: Furthermore, that little bird told me that we’re facing off against the Crinkly Bottom Boys- some of the worst that NLW had to offer during their time. And that’s saying something because they also had Cheez!
Quake: Al Jabroni!
Randy: Felix!
Quake: Chris Marks!
Randy: Latoya Hixx!
Quake: Wow we could play this game all day.
Randy: Exactly! But duty calls, even when our opponents are an old man whose team couldn’t get the job done in GFC-
Quake: GUNS FIGHT CLUB!
Randy: …And a pink monster, Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon stands tall! But…let’s get serious for a moment.
*Quick cut to Randy and Quake back together with their shot glasses.*
Quake: But first, a drink!
*They again clink their glasses and over-enjoy the shots of Super Sake brand Sake.*
Randy: Oh that’s so smooth!
Quake: Super smooth!
*Back to their original positions! Randy is again back on the table, this time with a book in his hand.*
Randy: Noel Edmonds- credit where it is due. You are a hard fighter, and despite being a million years old you managed to be a dominant force on your team in GFC. But there’s two things I need to remind you. One: this isn’t GFC-
Quake: It’s GUNS!
Randy: And two: even if it was I’d still beat your butt, just like I did last time we met. But here’s the thing Noel. You’ve proven that you’re hard, real hard. You’re like this book.
*He holds up the book in his hand.*
Randy: Old, and hard.
*Angel knocks on the book cover.*
Randy: But do you know what else is true about this book? About pretty much all this library full of old hard books?
*He tosses the book out of frame and looks squarely into the camera.*
Randy: Nobody gives a crap about it or them.
Quake: OR YOU!
Randy: Nice one!
*A quick cut to them having another shot together before quick cutting back to their original positions.*
Randy: We all know that the heart of this team is Mr. Blobby. Do you know why that is? Because Mr. Blobby looks like a walking party. And EVERYONE likes a walking party- I know, because even before Super Sake started sponsoring us I was a rave on two legs.
Quake: Super Sake presents Off the Wagon- always having a good time!
*Another quick cut of Randy and Quake taking shots before returning to their places in an equally quick and increasingly jarring cut.*
Randy: But here’s the thing about parties that aren’t sponsored by Super Sake…they come to an end. Nothing can keep the fun going quite like the wonderful products made by Super Sake. What do you run on Blobby? Sherbet?
Quake: That’s pixie sticks for anyone outside of the United Kingdom.
Randy: Right, so it’s not even fake ice cream, it’s just fake cocaine. But let me tell you-
*Another incredibly jarring SMASH CUT as Randy Angel snaps his fingers and suddenly the library is a tropical resort, the table is no longer made of oak but of some sort of tropical wood. His suit is replaced by a Hawaiian shirt and cut-offs. In his hand is a hollowed-out coconut.*
Randy: If you want to have a real party every day- drink Super Sake brand Tropical-flavored Sake Margaritas! Party all day and all night without worry about getting diabetes!
*Triple Quake leans in, shirtless and in swim trunks.*
Quake: Super Sake brand Tropical-flavored Sake Margaritas may contribute to diabetes if not consumed in moderation.
*He leans back out of the frame.*
Randy: So go ahead Crinkly Bottom Boys, bring your best, because everyone knows where the real party is!
*Leaning in from the other side of the screen is once again Quake.*
Quake: SUPER SAKE PRESENTS OFF THE WAGON!
*BAM! Another quick cut back to Randy and Quake in the library as they take another shot together, since continuity is a joke and up is down. And then BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED COMMERCIAL! We have a deep zoom in on the professor’s face!*
Professor: そうそう、そうそう。 諦めてくれて本当に嬉しいです。
(Oh yeah, oh yeah. I’m so glad you gave in.)
“私もだよ、教授!”
(Me too, professor!)
*The camera zooms out to show them dancing with a bunch of other college students. Randy Angel pours the professor another shot of Super Sake brand sake as Quake dances with some of the girls. Kumiko looks at the camera.*
Kumiko: スーパー日本酒さん、ありがとうございます! あなたはいつでもパーティーの主役です!
(Thank you, Super Sake! You’re always the life of the party!)
*Quake and Randy dance together with some young women as they smile to the camera.*
Randy and Quake: Super Sake! Drink a lot responsibly…together!
*The party continues as we finally fade out.*
Man: はい、入ってください。
(Yes, please enter.)
*Slowly the door opens and sheepishly in walks a young woman in a hilariously short miniskirt and thigh-high stockings (her top though is very conservative because this is Asia).*
Man: あ、クミコさん! 私はあなたが来てくれてうれしい。 さあ、来て座ってください。
(Ah, Kumiko! I’m glad you came. Here, come and sit.)
*Kumiko nods politely several times in her nervousness and sits down across from the man on the other side of the desk.*
Kumiko: はい、教授
(Yes, professor.)
Professor: いや、もっと近づいて。 机の向こう側に来てください。
(No, come closer. Come to the other side of the desk.)
Kumiko: はい、教授
(Yes, professor.)
*Embarrassed by her perceived mistake the young woman makes a few more polite bows as she carefully and soundlessly moves her chair to the professor’s side of the desk. He gestures and she sits down across from him.*
Professor: なぜ私があなたをここに呼んだか知っていますよね?
(I’m sure you know why I called you here, right?)
*The young woman blushes and looks at the ground. She can’t even bring herself to look at him (plus in eastern cultures it’s not polite to look someone straight in the eye- especially when you’re in trouble).*
Kumiko: はい。 私の成績は恥ずかしいものでした。
(Yes. My grades have been shameful.)
Professor: あなたの成績は恥ずかしいものでした。 授業が難しいことは理解していますが、生徒たちが上達するためにできることは何でもすることを期待しています。
(They have been shameful. I understand the class is hard but I expect my students to do whatever they can to improve.)
*She’s so scared she’s practically shaking.*
Professor: 私のコースに合格しなければ卒業できないことも承知しています。
(I am also aware that if you do not pass my course you won’t be able to graduate.)
Kumiko: はい。
(Yes.)
*The girl is on the verge of crying now. The professor reaches out and puts his hand on her thigh, the part of her leg that’s actually exposed skin.*
Professor: 私は残酷な人間ではないので、もしかしたら何か解決できるかもしれません。
(I am not a cruel man, perhaps we can work something out.)
*A quick zoom in on the girl’s legs reveals drops of water falling onto them and the professor’s hand.*
Kumiko: はい、教授。 あなたが頼んだことは何でもやります。
(Yes, professor. I will do anything you ask.)
*He puts his other hand on her other thigh.*
Professor: なんでも?
(Anything?)
*Through tears and fear she submissively nods.*
Professor: あなたは私が何を望んでいるのか知っていると思います...
(I think you know what I want…)
*The girl looks up into his eyes…AND WE SMASH CUT TO “The Cornsnake” Randy Angel in a university library.*
Randy: I think we all know what you want.
*The elder Angel brother is sitting on a table with the XHF Tag Team Championships on one side and the J-ROK Super Duos Championships on the other. We cut to the only other person in the library as he snaps a book in his face revealing none other than Kris “Triple Quake” Quake.*
Quake: You want to see some HOT HOT tag action!
Randy: Yeah! From the only team these days that seems to be able to get things done…
*He gestures to the titles on either side of him.*
Quake: We’re talking about Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon!
*Randy hops off of the desk and walks towards the camera.*
Randy: And for a hopefully unlimited time you’re getting MORE Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon than you can handle! You see, since Quake and I are now the XHF Tag Team Champions, that means that we’re coming TO YOU!
*He points emphatically.*
Quake: More Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon? That deserves a drink!
*Bam! Quick cut, the two now have shot glasses of sake. They clink them together and take their shots as the camera does a semi-spin around them so you can see their delight as they release that “ahhh” that people who drink alcohol on TV always do when they drink it to show their satisfaction.*
Randy: That’s super!
Quake: …Sake!
*Another quick cut back to their original positions (as in Randy is sitting on the table again).*
Randy: Now a little bird has told me that our next stop is NEAR YOU…if you live in Atlanta, Georgia.
Quake: HOT-LANTA!
Randy: Furthermore, that little bird told me that we’re facing off against the Crinkly Bottom Boys- some of the worst that NLW had to offer during their time. And that’s saying something because they also had Cheez!
Quake: Al Jabroni!
Randy: Felix!
Quake: Chris Marks!
Randy: Latoya Hixx!
Quake: Wow we could play this game all day.
Randy: Exactly! But duty calls, even when our opponents are an old man whose team couldn’t get the job done in GFC-
Quake: GUNS FIGHT CLUB!
Randy: …And a pink monster, Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon stands tall! But…let’s get serious for a moment.
*Quick cut to Randy and Quake back together with their shot glasses.*
Quake: But first, a drink!
*They again clink their glasses and over-enjoy the shots of Super Sake brand Sake.*
Randy: Oh that’s so smooth!
Quake: Super smooth!
*Back to their original positions! Randy is again back on the table, this time with a book in his hand.*
Randy: Noel Edmonds- credit where it is due. You are a hard fighter, and despite being a million years old you managed to be a dominant force on your team in GFC. But there’s two things I need to remind you. One: this isn’t GFC-
Quake: It’s GUNS!
Randy: And two: even if it was I’d still beat your butt, just like I did last time we met. But here’s the thing Noel. You’ve proven that you’re hard, real hard. You’re like this book.
*He holds up the book in his hand.*
Randy: Old, and hard.
*Angel knocks on the book cover.*
Randy: But do you know what else is true about this book? About pretty much all this library full of old hard books?
*He tosses the book out of frame and looks squarely into the camera.*
Randy: Nobody gives a crap about it or them.
Quake: OR YOU!
Randy: Nice one!
*A quick cut to them having another shot together before quick cutting back to their original positions.*
Randy: We all know that the heart of this team is Mr. Blobby. Do you know why that is? Because Mr. Blobby looks like a walking party. And EVERYONE likes a walking party- I know, because even before Super Sake started sponsoring us I was a rave on two legs.
Quake: Super Sake presents Off the Wagon- always having a good time!
*Another quick cut of Randy and Quake taking shots before returning to their places in an equally quick and increasingly jarring cut.*
Randy: But here’s the thing about parties that aren’t sponsored by Super Sake…they come to an end. Nothing can keep the fun going quite like the wonderful products made by Super Sake. What do you run on Blobby? Sherbet?
Quake: That’s pixie sticks for anyone outside of the United Kingdom.
Randy: Right, so it’s not even fake ice cream, it’s just fake cocaine. But let me tell you-
*Another incredibly jarring SMASH CUT as Randy Angel snaps his fingers and suddenly the library is a tropical resort, the table is no longer made of oak but of some sort of tropical wood. His suit is replaced by a Hawaiian shirt and cut-offs. In his hand is a hollowed-out coconut.*
Randy: If you want to have a real party every day- drink Super Sake brand Tropical-flavored Sake Margaritas! Party all day and all night without worry about getting diabetes!
*Triple Quake leans in, shirtless and in swim trunks.*
Quake: Super Sake brand Tropical-flavored Sake Margaritas may contribute to diabetes if not consumed in moderation.
*He leans back out of the frame.*
Randy: So go ahead Crinkly Bottom Boys, bring your best, because everyone knows where the real party is!
*Leaning in from the other side of the screen is once again Quake.*
Quake: SUPER SAKE PRESENTS OFF THE WAGON!
*BAM! Another quick cut back to Randy and Quake in the library as they take another shot together, since continuity is a joke and up is down. And then BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED COMMERCIAL! We have a deep zoom in on the professor’s face!*
Professor: そうそう、そうそう。 諦めてくれて本当に嬉しいです。
(Oh yeah, oh yeah. I’m so glad you gave in.)
“私もだよ、教授!”
(Me too, professor!)
*The camera zooms out to show them dancing with a bunch of other college students. Randy Angel pours the professor another shot of Super Sake brand sake as Quake dances with some of the girls. Kumiko looks at the camera.*
Kumiko: スーパー日本酒さん、ありがとうございます! あなたはいつでもパーティーの主役です!
(Thank you, Super Sake! You’re always the life of the party!)
*Quake and Randy dance together with some young women as they smile to the camera.*
Randy and Quake: Super Sake! Drink a lot responsibly…together!
*The party continues as we finally fade out.*