Post by Dave D-Flipz on May 12, 2023 22:17:20 GMT -5
*The scene opens up just after the GUNS show on May 4th. We see the sun has set and the parking lot is lit up by the extremely powerful headlights of a tiger striped VW beetle and a Blue Corvette Stingray, and a Veterinarian’s travel vehicle. Standing next to a deep crevice filled with blades is the young ward of the CAR medical technician, and manager of Top of the Class, Dr. Chaos, Sarah Webb. Sarah is staring into a deep hole currently being dug by an excavator. In the excavator, digging a new tunnel into the already ruined GUNS parking lot is Dr. Chaos herself.*
"Don’t worry Mistress, I saw this on a show on Discovery Channel! This will totally let us find where Death Trap landed. And … uh … by proxy also Zoran. So ya know … keep my tranq rifle handy, hun!"
"*shouting into the void below* ECHOOO!!! *it indeed echoes*"
"*From within the hole* That is not helping, Sarah dear. Please dig faster, Chaos. I am not comfortable being in this deep hole, there are venomous snakes and mosquitos in Atlanta."
*Chaos abides and begins to excavate the hole faster, it angles towards the Sarlacc pit, but deeper than the sloped sides, likely trying to find the cave at the bottom.*
"What rescue show did you say you saw this on?"
"DINOSAUR HUNTERS!"
*beat*
"BONES!"
*Mistress shouts out of the hole*
"CHAOS WE ARE NOT PRETENDING MY NEWLYWED HUSBAND IS DEAD AND BURIED!"
"No, just digested for a thousand years!"
"DINOSAUR BONES!"
"I do not assume we will find any fossils in a parking lot in Atlanta, Sarah."
*Sarah points to the arena where an angry dinosaur skeleton bashes through the side wall and begins running in the general direction of the Bad to the Bone base, DB is a busy dracolich between CAR, GUNS, and his own stomach- er, Fed. Chaos blinks a few times at this and shakes her head. She resume digging until the wall next to Discipline shatters and crumbles to the ground revealing a chamber. Inside is a very bloody and lacerated Death Trap … all injuries occurred on GUNS, no people were harmed in the making of this promo. Oddly, DT is sitting in a lounge chair, watching Dinosaur Hunters on Discovery+ with the Ancient Alien who somehow ended up in the sarlacc as well. DT is sipping some expensive alcohol.*
"… … Explain."
"As it turns out, Zoran fully anticipated pulling me into the pit to kill me off screen. He set up this lounge for himself until he needed to get free. I kicked him away once he fell asleep and he fell into the actual pit from hell. I landed here … after all the barbed wire … and knife blades … and razors … and cactai … I may be loopy from blood loss and there’s only liquor in here. I might be hallucinating. Is that an excavator?"
"DIG!"
"Oh I used my capacity as a CAR official to appropriate one of the construction vehicles the Forest Force uses for their track shenanigans! Nepotism can only get you so far though. … so … Only cost uh … well we can worry about that later."
"I am glad you are ok, can we get you out of this pit before the whole structure collapses? I am reasonably certain Chaos does not have an engineering degree. I would not trust this hole."
*DT and MD climb from the hole and as soon as they do, the side of the sarlacc pit collapses in and makes one smooth ramp from the pit up to the ruined parking lot, covered in loose sand and blades, and blood! DT sighs*
"I guess that Zoran got what he wanted. Maybe he’ll actually focus on someone else and let me take down Bloodied Fox now. I feel like I’m the only one who cares about saving Fox himself from all this- MY CAR!"
"I am sure his husband would appreciate you knocking some sense into him, but I do not think your car will help you."
"WHY ARE THOSE BEARS STEALING MY SEATTLE STINGRAY!?"
*Sure enough, Abby and Brittney are locking the corvette to a trailer hitch and we see Uncle waving from the driver’s seat at DT before he drives off with the corvette in tow.*
"No no, my baby!"
"Ah it’s fine, you should be focused on another kind of baby, eh eh? Wink wink nudge nudge?"
"FEE!"
*Upon hearing the enthusiastic cry of Sarah, DT completely ignores the shocking previous statement and whips around, grabbing Chaos by her shoulders (as he is much taller than her)*
"Chaos … WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOONE!?"
"Remember when I said nepotism only got me so far? Yeah so in order to get you free, Memaw had me recruit you to help her ratings in this war with GUNS. So uh, welcome to CAR racer boy! You race in this month’s race! Your car is now registered to CAR."
*Be it from blood loss or shock, DT stumbles … and faints.*
"I suppose this is alright, CAR is very much safe compared to this place. Did you see all the bears?"
"Well, what I didn’t mention is … you heard Zoran during that match, he has an ongoing beef with Mary. We’re pretty sure now that the façade is broken, he is going to try and get violent. Now at least we have someone to help keep the crew safe. Say what you will about the CAR matriarch … she may have looked evil before … but she’s no devil. This was a protection service."
*The women literally drag DT into the back of the vet truck and drive off towards North Carolina.*
1. How does your driver react to being fired upon?
"Wait … do some of these vehicles have actual artillery? WHY AM I THROWING HATS? All I have is a bat in here. Lord Dominicus has a dinosaur!"
2. What is in the tunnel?
"There’s no Earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
Is it raining? Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly Reaper mowing?"
"Chaos! Please refrain from giving my husband PTSD to a children’s movie!"
"HE CUT OFF THE CHICKEN’S HEAD! WWWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
3. Do you have any family friendly dialog to include in the race?
"POKA WINS!"
"Poka is banned from racing honey, he might get smooshed."
"Hey is anyone else noticing the abs on the furry suit wolf guy? I’m almost jealous!"
"Do not worry honey, even if we did find him more muscular than you, I am reasonably sure Chaos and I are not his type."
"Death Trap is…"
"What?"
"What?"
4. How will your team respond to winning?
"Huh, that wasn’t so hard. Why is everyone always so worried about this?"
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
"I’D HAVE WON IF I DIDN’T GET FLOOF IN MY EYES!"
"Don’t worry Mistress, I saw this on a show on Discovery Channel! This will totally let us find where Death Trap landed. And … uh … by proxy also Zoran. So ya know … keep my tranq rifle handy, hun!"
"*shouting into the void below* ECHOOO!!! *it indeed echoes*"
"*From within the hole* That is not helping, Sarah dear. Please dig faster, Chaos. I am not comfortable being in this deep hole, there are venomous snakes and mosquitos in Atlanta."
*Chaos abides and begins to excavate the hole faster, it angles towards the Sarlacc pit, but deeper than the sloped sides, likely trying to find the cave at the bottom.*
"What rescue show did you say you saw this on?"
"DINOSAUR HUNTERS!"
*beat*
"BONES!"
*Mistress shouts out of the hole*
"CHAOS WE ARE NOT PRETENDING MY NEWLYWED HUSBAND IS DEAD AND BURIED!"
"No, just digested for a thousand years!"
"DINOSAUR BONES!"
"I do not assume we will find any fossils in a parking lot in Atlanta, Sarah."
*Sarah points to the arena where an angry dinosaur skeleton bashes through the side wall and begins running in the general direction of the Bad to the Bone base, DB is a busy dracolich between CAR, GUNS, and his own stomach- er, Fed. Chaos blinks a few times at this and shakes her head. She resume digging until the wall next to Discipline shatters and crumbles to the ground revealing a chamber. Inside is a very bloody and lacerated Death Trap … all injuries occurred on GUNS, no people were harmed in the making of this promo. Oddly, DT is sitting in a lounge chair, watching Dinosaur Hunters on Discovery+ with the Ancient Alien who somehow ended up in the sarlacc as well. DT is sipping some expensive alcohol.*
"… … Explain."
"As it turns out, Zoran fully anticipated pulling me into the pit to kill me off screen. He set up this lounge for himself until he needed to get free. I kicked him away once he fell asleep and he fell into the actual pit from hell. I landed here … after all the barbed wire … and knife blades … and razors … and cactai … I may be loopy from blood loss and there’s only liquor in here. I might be hallucinating. Is that an excavator?"
"DIG!"
"Oh I used my capacity as a CAR official to appropriate one of the construction vehicles the Forest Force uses for their track shenanigans! Nepotism can only get you so far though. … so … Only cost uh … well we can worry about that later."
"I am glad you are ok, can we get you out of this pit before the whole structure collapses? I am reasonably certain Chaos does not have an engineering degree. I would not trust this hole."
*DT and MD climb from the hole and as soon as they do, the side of the sarlacc pit collapses in and makes one smooth ramp from the pit up to the ruined parking lot, covered in loose sand and blades, and blood! DT sighs*
"I guess that Zoran got what he wanted. Maybe he’ll actually focus on someone else and let me take down Bloodied Fox now. I feel like I’m the only one who cares about saving Fox himself from all this- MY CAR!"
"I am sure his husband would appreciate you knocking some sense into him, but I do not think your car will help you."
"WHY ARE THOSE BEARS STEALING MY SEATTLE STINGRAY!?"
*Sure enough, Abby and Brittney are locking the corvette to a trailer hitch and we see Uncle waving from the driver’s seat at DT before he drives off with the corvette in tow.*
"No no, my baby!"
"Ah it’s fine, you should be focused on another kind of baby, eh eh? Wink wink nudge nudge?"
"FEE!"
*Upon hearing the enthusiastic cry of Sarah, DT completely ignores the shocking previous statement and whips around, grabbing Chaos by her shoulders (as he is much taller than her)*
"Chaos … WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOONE!?"
"Remember when I said nepotism only got me so far? Yeah so in order to get you free, Memaw had me recruit you to help her ratings in this war with GUNS. So uh, welcome to CAR racer boy! You race in this month’s race! Your car is now registered to CAR."
*Be it from blood loss or shock, DT stumbles … and faints.*
"I suppose this is alright, CAR is very much safe compared to this place. Did you see all the bears?"
"Well, what I didn’t mention is … you heard Zoran during that match, he has an ongoing beef with Mary. We’re pretty sure now that the façade is broken, he is going to try and get violent. Now at least we have someone to help keep the crew safe. Say what you will about the CAR matriarch … she may have looked evil before … but she’s no devil. This was a protection service."
*The women literally drag DT into the back of the vet truck and drive off towards North Carolina.*
1. How does your driver react to being fired upon?
"Wait … do some of these vehicles have actual artillery? WHY AM I THROWING HATS? All I have is a bat in here. Lord Dominicus has a dinosaur!"
2. What is in the tunnel?
"There’s no Earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
Is it raining? Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly Reaper mowing?"
"Chaos! Please refrain from giving my husband PTSD to a children’s movie!"
"HE CUT OFF THE CHICKEN’S HEAD! WWWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
3. Do you have any family friendly dialog to include in the race?
"POKA WINS!"
"Poka is banned from racing honey, he might get smooshed."
"Hey is anyone else noticing the abs on the furry suit wolf guy? I’m almost jealous!"
"Do not worry honey, even if we did find him more muscular than you, I am reasonably sure Chaos and I are not his type."
"Death Trap is…"
"What?"
"What?"
4. How will your team respond to winning?
"Huh, that wasn’t so hard. Why is everyone always so worried about this?"
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
"I’D HAVE WON IF I DIDN’T GET FLOOF IN MY EYES!"
