Post by Old Line Jeff on May 16, 2023 1:42:17 GMT -5
“When I decided to do a one-off in a trios tournament for Northern Pro, I had no idea that it was going to turn into my longest sustained singles run in pro wrestling since my rookie days in the Global Wrestling Federation. I called a press conference there too, and got a bunch of wrestling fans, some of whom had blogs.The second time I did a press conference, Daeriq Damien invited himself to it and decided to bully the bloggers - even with one good arm I guess he’s able to intimidate the average blogger. I’m not trying to throw shade either, not everyone’s lucky enough to be born 6 foot 5 or 6 foot 6. I’m just saying that after Daeriq’s stunt, I decided to take a break from trying to do live events.”
“As for why I quit going on other people’s podcasts, I’m gonna chalk that up to Daeriq too, just for a different reason. He’s been trying to help me, some of his effort might’ve even been sincere, and he said I’d be better off posting stuff either through W:UK’s media or my own youtube channel. I didn’t know I had a youtube channel, and I still don’t think I know what it is.”
“So, er, thank you all for coming and I promise Daeriq’s going to behave himself and no, neither Jeff Andrews or Heidi Christenson are going to be here. I don’t want to get kicked off the XHF network and I don’t want to go to jail.”
Remember last promo, how Ronnie Long said fuck it he’d just do a press conference? Well that’s where we are now.
The new look that Ronnie tried out is fading. The blond highlights have mostly vanished from his hair, and the extra curliness is gone. He’s got the leather vest, worn over a white muscle T. Seated next to him is Daeriq Damien, who still looks like a human oil slick, but a little bit more subdued. He’s switched the greasy mullet and neon leisure suits out for a slicked back ponytail, black leather pants and a T-shirt.
Not just a T-shirt, though. It’s Ronnie Long’s first piece of W:UK merchandise. A pretty simple design of the silhouette of a long haired man in a trench coat, walking away with his back to the viewer, with the caption ‘Walk the Long Road.’ It’s not quite Austin 3:16 or nWo 4 life, but it’s not the gaudy crap that you see a lot of nowadays either.
“So how’s this gonna get started, then. Any questions?”
An awkward silence. Nobody seems to want to go first.
“You could’ve let me start this show, Ronnie. Talked you up, bragged about your wins-”
“Rooser T, formerly The Sun. Ronnie, you’ve mentioned a couple times that you don’t feel you’re getting an adequate amount of respect from the W:UK locker room despite your big wins. Yet your match with Eddie Havok was really just a trainwreck with so much outside interference as to render the match meaningless, and Billy Fowler was clearly not at his best when you wrestled him. Do you think that perhaps the talk that you got lucky, or that you didn’t really earn your spot, is in fact accurate?”
Some apprehensive muttering and even a muted ‘ohhh’ as Ronnie shakes his head.
“First of all, I know who you are Rooser. You co-ran the first big indy run that Jeff Andrews had, the one that got him noticed. He didn’t much care for you - considered you a shit-stirrer who over-subscribed to the controversy creates cash philosophy. Anyway. I won the matches that the people who are talking the shit didn’t. If I win the title, they can earn a shot like I did and see how easy it is. If I don’t, I’m going to be looking for stepping stones back to the top and they’re going to be there.”
“If you’re already planning for your defeat, isn’t that a little bit, ehhh… an admission that you don’t deserve your spot?”
“No, because I made it clear when I started doing this run that I want my time in W:UK to mean something. Sticking around after my World Title match, win or lose, is literally more important to me than winning the World Title. I said I was not going to Eric Dane it when I came back. I also said I came back to accomplish some good, and the way W:UK is going right now, there are a lot of things for me to do that have nothing to do with the World Title. But as far as the World Title goes, who’s held it to actually give the fans a reason to cheer? Billy Fowler? Eddie Havok? Wesley Crane? No. I want that belt. Don’t mistake me looking to my next step for a lack of desire. I only planned to do a one-off for NPW for some pocket money, and I owe the fans, the supportive among my fellow wrestlers, and the men who keep putting me in the ring for keeping me going until I made it back to the top.”
“But you still haven’t explained how you deserve-”
“MOVING ON.” Daeriq Damien finally jumped in. “Can we get some more positive questions going on here?”
“Connel, Wrestletalk. Mr. Long, you haven’t had much to say about Wesley Crane himself.”
“Well, he’s a trash human being, and an adequate wrestler. But it’s pretty much the same thing with him every time, isn’t it? He shows off how rich he is, reduces some poor woman to tears either through cheating on her, firing her or both - I mean there’s diminishing returns on that kind of assholery, isn’t there? And unemployment laws and wrongful termination and such like. Eh. You know what, Janice, if you’re watching this - get in touch with a guy named Cole Christenson. He’s as rich as Wesley and doesn’t abuse his staff on camera for pro wrestling heat. As far as Wesley’s wrestling goes, bragging about convincing the Brothers Gluck to backstab me and Daeriq is fair, but, it’s really Wesley’s thing, isn’t it? Stack the deck as much as possible. Why take on the Foundation four on three when he can do it six on one?”
“Speaking of six on one, what are your plans for dealing with the High Roller’s Club?”
“If I wanted to, I could have Jeff Andrews put the call out and have an army of dozens. But I prefer keeping his involvement in my career to cameos. I’d prefer the satisfaction of overcoming the High Roller’s Club on my own, and I’d prefer attempting and failing to overcome it on my own to winning the World Title in a stable versus stable clusterfuck. You can put this in the books - I’m doing this one solo.”
This draws some buzz from the assembled journalists. Ronnie quickly takes a gulp of water while he has the chance. As soon as he’s done, someone else speaks.
“Dana Turner. I do a podcast and I’ve had a number of former CAL wrestlers on it. I’d love to have you on, especially if you win, but I was wondering, if you do win, who do you think’s going to be your first opponent?”
“The funny thing about how stacked W:UK’s roster is, is the fact that even very good wrestlers can find a sufficient challenge in the midcard means there’s not a ton of movement in and out of the main event scene. So I expect I’ll see more of Fowler and Havok. But there’s also Kalmin Watts. A bunch of people have thought we should team up, but between calling me a chump and being one of the tools that said I was getting ‘fed’ to Crane, nah. He’s got enough talent that I respect him enough to give him a shot, and enough nonsense that I relish the thought of smacking some respect into his head.”
“And if you don’t win, what do you think comes next?”
“Oh, probably the Bastards in some form or another. Everyone knows my issues with Rob Riot, but I suspect I’m going to be in just as bad with the other two before the end of my time here.”
When Ronnie stops speaking, nobody else starts.
“So I guess we’re done here? No, there’s one last thing.”
He grins a little bit.
“My name’s not Ronald. Never was. I was born Ron Long, and I started going by Ronnie when Metallica wrote that song about me. Don’t call me Ronald, Wes. Deliberately getting names wrong was that thing I had going on with Nuwave Jayne Correia. I know that you’re mean to all the pretty girls that work for you, but please don’t be mean to Jayne. He isn’t even that pretty.”
And that’s a press conference.
“As for why I quit going on other people’s podcasts, I’m gonna chalk that up to Daeriq too, just for a different reason. He’s been trying to help me, some of his effort might’ve even been sincere, and he said I’d be better off posting stuff either through W:UK’s media or my own youtube channel. I didn’t know I had a youtube channel, and I still don’t think I know what it is.”
“So, er, thank you all for coming and I promise Daeriq’s going to behave himself and no, neither Jeff Andrews or Heidi Christenson are going to be here. I don’t want to get kicked off the XHF network and I don’t want to go to jail.”
Remember last promo, how Ronnie Long said fuck it he’d just do a press conference? Well that’s where we are now.
The new look that Ronnie tried out is fading. The blond highlights have mostly vanished from his hair, and the extra curliness is gone. He’s got the leather vest, worn over a white muscle T. Seated next to him is Daeriq Damien, who still looks like a human oil slick, but a little bit more subdued. He’s switched the greasy mullet and neon leisure suits out for a slicked back ponytail, black leather pants and a T-shirt.
Not just a T-shirt, though. It’s Ronnie Long’s first piece of W:UK merchandise. A pretty simple design of the silhouette of a long haired man in a trench coat, walking away with his back to the viewer, with the caption ‘Walk the Long Road.’ It’s not quite Austin 3:16 or nWo 4 life, but it’s not the gaudy crap that you see a lot of nowadays either.
“So how’s this gonna get started, then. Any questions?”
An awkward silence. Nobody seems to want to go first.
“You could’ve let me start this show, Ronnie. Talked you up, bragged about your wins-”
“Rooser T, formerly The Sun. Ronnie, you’ve mentioned a couple times that you don’t feel you’re getting an adequate amount of respect from the W:UK locker room despite your big wins. Yet your match with Eddie Havok was really just a trainwreck with so much outside interference as to render the match meaningless, and Billy Fowler was clearly not at his best when you wrestled him. Do you think that perhaps the talk that you got lucky, or that you didn’t really earn your spot, is in fact accurate?”
Some apprehensive muttering and even a muted ‘ohhh’ as Ronnie shakes his head.
“First of all, I know who you are Rooser. You co-ran the first big indy run that Jeff Andrews had, the one that got him noticed. He didn’t much care for you - considered you a shit-stirrer who over-subscribed to the controversy creates cash philosophy. Anyway. I won the matches that the people who are talking the shit didn’t. If I win the title, they can earn a shot like I did and see how easy it is. If I don’t, I’m going to be looking for stepping stones back to the top and they’re going to be there.”
“If you’re already planning for your defeat, isn’t that a little bit, ehhh… an admission that you don’t deserve your spot?”
“No, because I made it clear when I started doing this run that I want my time in W:UK to mean something. Sticking around after my World Title match, win or lose, is literally more important to me than winning the World Title. I said I was not going to Eric Dane it when I came back. I also said I came back to accomplish some good, and the way W:UK is going right now, there are a lot of things for me to do that have nothing to do with the World Title. But as far as the World Title goes, who’s held it to actually give the fans a reason to cheer? Billy Fowler? Eddie Havok? Wesley Crane? No. I want that belt. Don’t mistake me looking to my next step for a lack of desire. I only planned to do a one-off for NPW for some pocket money, and I owe the fans, the supportive among my fellow wrestlers, and the men who keep putting me in the ring for keeping me going until I made it back to the top.”
“But you still haven’t explained how you deserve-”
“MOVING ON.” Daeriq Damien finally jumped in. “Can we get some more positive questions going on here?”
“Connel, Wrestletalk. Mr. Long, you haven’t had much to say about Wesley Crane himself.”
“Well, he’s a trash human being, and an adequate wrestler. But it’s pretty much the same thing with him every time, isn’t it? He shows off how rich he is, reduces some poor woman to tears either through cheating on her, firing her or both - I mean there’s diminishing returns on that kind of assholery, isn’t there? And unemployment laws and wrongful termination and such like. Eh. You know what, Janice, if you’re watching this - get in touch with a guy named Cole Christenson. He’s as rich as Wesley and doesn’t abuse his staff on camera for pro wrestling heat. As far as Wesley’s wrestling goes, bragging about convincing the Brothers Gluck to backstab me and Daeriq is fair, but, it’s really Wesley’s thing, isn’t it? Stack the deck as much as possible. Why take on the Foundation four on three when he can do it six on one?”
“Speaking of six on one, what are your plans for dealing with the High Roller’s Club?”
“If I wanted to, I could have Jeff Andrews put the call out and have an army of dozens. But I prefer keeping his involvement in my career to cameos. I’d prefer the satisfaction of overcoming the High Roller’s Club on my own, and I’d prefer attempting and failing to overcome it on my own to winning the World Title in a stable versus stable clusterfuck. You can put this in the books - I’m doing this one solo.”
This draws some buzz from the assembled journalists. Ronnie quickly takes a gulp of water while he has the chance. As soon as he’s done, someone else speaks.
“Dana Turner. I do a podcast and I’ve had a number of former CAL wrestlers on it. I’d love to have you on, especially if you win, but I was wondering, if you do win, who do you think’s going to be your first opponent?”
“The funny thing about how stacked W:UK’s roster is, is the fact that even very good wrestlers can find a sufficient challenge in the midcard means there’s not a ton of movement in and out of the main event scene. So I expect I’ll see more of Fowler and Havok. But there’s also Kalmin Watts. A bunch of people have thought we should team up, but between calling me a chump and being one of the tools that said I was getting ‘fed’ to Crane, nah. He’s got enough talent that I respect him enough to give him a shot, and enough nonsense that I relish the thought of smacking some respect into his head.”
“And if you don’t win, what do you think comes next?”
“Oh, probably the Bastards in some form or another. Everyone knows my issues with Rob Riot, but I suspect I’m going to be in just as bad with the other two before the end of my time here.”
When Ronnie stops speaking, nobody else starts.
“So I guess we’re done here? No, there’s one last thing.”
He grins a little bit.
“My name’s not Ronald. Never was. I was born Ron Long, and I started going by Ronnie when Metallica wrote that song about me. Don’t call me Ronald, Wes. Deliberately getting names wrong was that thing I had going on with Nuwave Jayne Correia. I know that you’re mean to all the pretty girls that work for you, but please don’t be mean to Jayne. He isn’t even that pretty.”
And that’s a press conference.