Ideas above our station [CBB #1]
May 25, 2023 7:41:42 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Cross Recoba on May 25, 2023 7:41:42 GMT -5
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
OVER BLACK
TITLE: BACK UP WHERE WE BELONG, WHERE THE EAGLES CRY ON A MOUNTAIN HIGH
FADE IN
Inside the KITCHEN we see EDMONDS and BLOBBY.
BLOBBY holds up a t-shirt emblazoned with the DISNEY logo with a print of the poster for ‘INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY’ plastered on it.
BLOBBY raises an eyebrow.
BLOBBY makes an explosion noise.
BLOBBY takes the T-SHIRT and throws it off-shot.
We see the T-SHIRT somehow bounce over the pile and sail over a SHARK TANK CAP to the floor.
BLOBBY looks confused.
BLOBBY points to the GUNS GENTLEMENS DOUBLES TROPHY.
EDMOND sighs.
BLOBBY shrugs.
BLOBBY looks nonplussed.
BLOBBY looks shocked.
BLOBBY holds up a PROMOTIONAL POSTER for AEW’S FIGHT FOREVER GAME.
EDMONDS throws a BRITISH NEWSPAPER at BLOBBY.
BLOBBY looks lost as he looks at the NEWSPAPER.
BLOBBY looks at the headline.
BLOBBY looks crestfallen.
CUT TO:
INT. BLOBBY’S ROOM - DAY
The camera pans around the BEDROOM, LINGERIE is scattered everywhere alongside lipstick-marked POST-IT NOTES with telephone numbers scrawled on them.
The camera focuses on a huge poster of SER BRONN OF THE BLACKWATER surrounded by a CHECKLIST to become a KNIGHT.
CUT TO:
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
INT. AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 323 - DAY
The FIRST CLASS seating is all that Hollywood sold you on.
CHAMPAGNE is freely poured, PRIME is used to unblock the drains here.
EDMONDS and BLOBBY are sat enjoying the high life.
BLOBBY rubs his fingers together.
An AIR STEWARDESS interrupts them.
THE CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS nod. The AIR STEWARDESS grabs an ice bucket with a bottle and places two glasses down.
As the AIR STEWARDESS leaves, BLOBBY pats her on the posterior.
The AIR STEWARDESS laughs as she winks at BLOBBY and motions with her head to follow her.
BLOBBY nods, half-interested.
BLOBBY can be seen sneaking off as EDMONDS starts to close his eyes and relax as he delivers his sermon.
EDMONDS is oblivious to being alone.
EDMONDS suddenly becomes aware of his solitude.
EDMONDS shrugs.
BLOBBY enters, smug look cemented on his face.
In the backdrop, the AIR HOSTESS exits as she wipes her mouth and walks off-screen doing the Duke’s Broad Walk.
BLOBBY nods enthusiastically.
OVER BLACK
TITLE: BACK UP WHERE WE BELONG, WHERE THE EAGLES CRY ON A MOUNTAIN HIGH
FADE IN
NOEL EDMONDS (VO)
We need to do this, Blob, it’s a simple question of economics.
Inside the KITCHEN we see EDMONDS and BLOBBY.
BLOBBY holds up a t-shirt emblazoned with the DISNEY logo with a print of the poster for ‘INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY’ plastered on it.
BLOBBY raises an eyebrow.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
I know, Blobby, but do you know how much Boris Becker and Djokovic cost? I had to bribe immigration to let in the anti-vaxxer and Boris insisted that we keep him busy with as many attractive blondes as we could muster and at a GUNS show? There’s more chance of Tinto getting served.
MR BLOBBY
BLOBBEH, BLOB, BLOB! BLOB?
BLOBBY makes an explosion noise.
MR BLOBBY (CONT’D)
BLOBBY!!!!
NOEL EDMONDS
Yeah, I know….they nuked the fridge. Just put it with the rest of the endorsements.
BLOBBY takes the T-SHIRT and throws it off-shot.
We see the T-SHIRT somehow bounce over the pile and sail over a SHARK TANK CAP to the floor.
BLOBBY looks confused.
NOEL EDMONDS
Did that Disney gimmick just jump the-
MR BLOBBY
BLOBBY!
NOEL EDMONDS
Well, that was weird. But, Blob, we need to face some serious realities. Things have changed since we first came to America. Jabroni’s filming ‘Winnie the Pooh: The Many Anal Adventures’, “Disco Boy” Johnny B’s back at his family’s home and we’re kind of stuck here.
MR BLOBBY
BLOB!
BLOBBY points to the GUNS GENTLEMENS DOUBLES TROPHY.
EDMOND sighs.
NOEL EDMONDS
Do you know how much we make now we’re not top of the tree in tag-team wrestling?
BLOBBY shrugs.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Peanuts! Magnus sold us on joining the GUNS show but what does he have us doing? Mindless matches, if Dino Bones were still there we’d be fighting inside his bowel, instead we’re in the bowel-movement matches!
BLOBBY looks nonplussed.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
We should be stars, Blob, absolute bonafide stars. We should be on every poster GUNS puts out and who knows? Maybe without Beef-
MR BLOBBY
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-Blob
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Even without him, we’re still fighting for scraps but that changes because I have politicked our way into a match to get back what’s rightfully ours?
MR BLOBBY
BLOB BLOBAY BLEIGHT
NOEL EDMONDS
Better than BBC Primetime….we’re facing Off the Wagon for the XHF Tag-Team Titles!
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Now, these are going to be our toughest opponents yet!
MR BLOBBY
BLOBIG?
NOEL EDMONDS
They make Donzig and the Oblivion Death Squad look like the Von Krauss Clowns.
MR BLOBBY
BLOB BLOS?
NOEL EDMONDS
They’re far worse than the Bang Bros. These guys are unashamed shills for any product they can get their hands, or lips, around.
MR BLOBBY
(Points between the two of them)
BLOB!
NOEL EDMONDS
Yeah but what can we do about gimmick infringement? If that existed in wrestling then Quake would be sued by James Dragon, Jabroni would be bankrupted by Copycat and…
(BEAT)
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Marty’s already kind of getting fucked by Steve Awesome as it is…but I digress, what we’re facing is a team that was good enough to take down the Super Frenemies and the Black Knife Cabal. A team so accomplished that they can still get the win despite having a higher blood-alcohol level than they do viewers in the Key Demos and you know what that means?
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
It means that they probably know all of our tricks, especially running on the budget that we’re on. But, I’ve got it sorted; it’s all well in hand, Blob.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
THAT is our ticket back to the big time!
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Can you guess what it is yet?
BLOBBY looks at the headline.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
They’re down a member of the Honours List! We can do this…well, I can. I can get the monarchy to back us. We can retake one of the former colonies!..
BLOBBY looks crestfallen.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
C’mon, Blob, you never wanted to be a Knight…
CUT TO:
INT. BLOBBY’S ROOM - DAY
The camera pans around the BEDROOM, LINGERIE is scattered everywhere alongside lipstick-marked POST-IT NOTES with telephone numbers scrawled on them.
The camera focuses on a huge poster of SER BRONN OF THE BLACKWATER surrounded by a CHECKLIST to become a KNIGHT.
CUT TO:
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
NOEL EDMONDS
It’ll be fine, Blobster, Charlie’ll love it. How can he NOT do this? It makes sense, he needs a big act in his first year of being King to show he means business and THIS is it! With Bloodied Fox as X*Crown Champion, we’re off to a flyer. We can be tag champs…
MR BLOBBY
BLOBBOR BLOMP
NOEL EDMONDS
No, Blob, when I said that Frank Windsor was a small man, I didn’t mean he could compete for the Junior Heavyweight title. Now, pack your bags, we’re off back to Blighty!
MR BLOBBY
BLOB BLOBBB?
NOEL EDMONDS
We’re meeting royalty, if there’s one thing they can help us with it’s avoiding charges.
MR BLOBBY
BLOB!
NOEL EDMONDS
And celebrations, of course…
INT. AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 323 - DAY
The FIRST CLASS seating is all that Hollywood sold you on.
CHAMPAGNE is freely poured, PRIME is used to unblock the drains here.
EDMONDS and BLOBBY are sat enjoying the high life.
MR BLOBBY
BLOB BLOB?!?
BLOBBY rubs his fingers together.
NOEL EDMONDS
Johnny left his AmEx laying about, he won’t even notice this charge, he spends more on cravats than this flight costs.
MR BLOBBY
BLOB BLOBON?
NOEL EDMONDS
Like I was saying…
An AIR STEWARDESS interrupts them.
AIR STEWARDESS
Champagne?
NOEL EDMONDS
Thanks…
As the AIR STEWARDESS leaves, BLOBBY pats her on the posterior.
The AIR STEWARDESS laughs as she winks at BLOBBY and motions with her head to follow her.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
Off the Wagon are going to be tough, Blob. You’ve seen the tapes…or maybe you haven’t…I saw that luchadora you had over the other day and wondered if you thought we were facing Lord Dominicus but then I heard her mention pinwheeling so who knows what she was teaching you.
BLOBBY nods, half-interested.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
But Off the Wagon can give US a run for our money when it comes to dirty tricks. They didn’t get those belts by hard work, they got them through making the most of limited talent and Blobby, I know what you’re thinking…they took our jobs! But it’s true, they’re mobbed up with Super Sake, they’re riding a wave of form, they’re us after End of Days but there’s things you need to prepare for…
BLOBBY can be seen sneaking off as EDMONDS starts to close his eyes and relax as he delivers his sermon.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
These guys are ruthless and proud of it. Randy? You know, the guy who slurs across all of our big matches. The man who spends more time sipping than observing? He can’t outwrestle you but he doesn’t think he needs to…
AIR STEWARDESS (OS)
OH…BLOBBY!
NOEL EDMONDS
…No, he’s going to think nothing of turning up to the arena, draining a bottle of Super Sake and then when the match goes into those deep innings, he’ll do everything he can to make sure he has you in a headlock as that rice wine seeps out of his pores, he’ll do that without even thinking about it because he needs the paycheck!
EDMONDS is oblivious to being alone.
AIR STEWARDESS (OS)
WE’RE DOING THE HELICOPTER ON A PLANE!!! OH, MY!
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
You know what’ll really get to you though, Blob? He’ll get you in an abdominal stretch and pickpocket your sherbert right before your eyes. He’s a Sherbert swindler, Blob and I know you won’t stand for that!
AIR STEWARDESS (OS)
BETTER DIALOGUE THAN WESLEY CRANE OFFERED ME TO BE IN HIS PROMO!
NOEL EDMONDS
But that’s why we’re well-matched. You concentrate on their addict and I’ll take on their brains. Quake’s a man like me, once the apple of the Network’s eye and instead reduced to this. In another lifetime we’d be friends but I can’t get onboard with that now, we need to win those belts! I’m going to have to dig deep, pull out all the stops in this one and then you cane come along and hit them with whatever King’s Road video you watched when taking a dump this morning…what you got?
EDMONDS suddenly becomes aware of his solitude.
AIR STEWARDESS (OS)
BLOBBYYY!!!!!!
MR BLOBBY
BLOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EDMONDS shrugs.
NOEL EDMONDS
Gets lost on an airplane, has to play Marco Polo and yet HE’S the one that everyone thinks is the star of the team. Wait til we get to Buckingham Palace…they don’t do outsiders there…even Phil was known as The Greek by his own kids!
BLOBBY enters, smug look cemented on his face.
In the backdrop, the AIR HOSTESS exits as she wipes her mouth and walks off-screen doing the Duke’s Broad Walk.
NOEL EDMONDS (mocking)
Stamina training?
MR BLOBBY
BLOB!
BLOBBY nods enthusiastically.
NOEL EDMONDS
It’s a good job you’ve got me, Blob. I’ll get us into the Palace, just you watch, Charlie’ll be giving us Royal Outfits before you know it!