Post by Dave D-Flipz on Jun 12, 2023 22:32:07 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
*We open inside the meeting room of the Angry Mad Chemists, in the penthouse of the DEI building. Doof, the financial backer, cult leader, and all around relatable goofball … stands at the head of the table with one of those telescopic pointer devices and a cork board. He has at his ovular table, his board of chemists. Billy! The driver! Ian! The weapons expert! Ovi! The mechanic! Phroooaggh … the uh … relentless … and Norm! … the … uh … and Norm!*
Billy: Seems like all that talk of blackmail went over like a damp squib.
Ovi: The dinosaur did more damage to our building, budget and stomachs by emptying our party fridge than the moronic wannabe dictator did.
Ian: Why does um, an um, uh undead skeletal dinosaur … need um … to eat at all?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Now now, Ian let’s not get bogged down by logic. Nobody else in this place ever does, why start now?
*Billy nods and pulls a sandwich from the aether and begins to eat it while Norm juggles chainsaws perfectly out of boredom. Sensing an opportunity, Phroooaggh records it and posts it to the cult website for the paying members. Gotta keep them happy woop woop.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That’s right Lord Dominicus. Your attempts at blackmail are as effective as Mr. Spock pretending he doesn’t have emotions! … In the Abramsverse. And your little space minion? More like seven of eleven because you found her in the convenience store BARGAIN BIN! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But you see … we can play your games too other teams. Why we can combine the best of EVERY world!
Billy: There is nobody more deliciously uWu than me! I am a heartthrob and I don’t even need fur to do it. I’m just that attractive. And successful!
*Billy hurls his red labcoat and reveals himself in full fursona as a sexy lizard! He strikes several poses and several fans in the building (the highest tier cult members ya know, minus Cross – he’s busy this month) all swoon and faint.*
Ovi: I’ve done what Marty Donovan and all of mother could never do. I created a synthetic seven year old and SUCCESSFULLY became his hero and gave him everything he could want! AND he’s well-behaved!
Tinto-bot: YAY! I *bzzt* have all the video games I could want. And the willpower not to *bzzt* play them all day. I have a well-balanced lunch and I love my mommy! Mr. Ovi even got me *bzzt* Discovery+ a much better streaming service, and a subscription to cultofdoof.com woop woop.
Ian: Also the uh, robotic woman.
*Ovi is making out with a robotic woman who looks like a fusion of Ollie Oldham and the Industrial Woman.*
Ovi: Better than BOTH of you! And no backwards conservative gun-nut future father-in-law OR overprotective Final Boss in sight!
Ian: I, uh, both own a house, and have all my hair. And I never had to fake a pregnancy for um, haha, clickbait views. Though I find being better than Copycat to be a trivial task…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And of course … Bad to the Bone … My minions aren’t an inflatable suit and a man in pajamas … they’re an eldritch wizard skeleton man and a Man who IS a suit. A mech suit And furthermore … if you want to blackmail … do it right! WATCH THE MASTER! Lord Dominicus … we know your secret identity! If you don’t want us to tell everyone how pitiful and overmatched you TRULY are … maybe YOOOOOOU should pull off the road! And help us win! And watch the video on cultofdoof.com!
*Everyone stops and looks at him puzzled.*
Phroooaggh: Wait … when did that happen?
Billy: I don’t remember discussing this!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh … Doof has his ways … I was the only one who saw through that clever disguise to know Dino Bones was here and give him all the useless info! Didn’t expect him to raid the fridge and steal all our party food, chemical concoctions, blood samples, urine samples, and Phroooaggh’s pet rock we kept in the fridge … … … so of COURSE I can see through that horrible mask and see the scourge that lives underneath, hiding in shame! But for now … let’s do something only WE can do!
*Doof throws open the window and looks out … there are literally hundreds of people outside the compound all cheering for him and reciting…*
The crowd!: HIS NAME IS DOOF AND WE’LL DO WHAT HE SAYS WOOP WOOP!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: MY GLORIOUS PAYING MEMBERS OF THE CULT OF DOOF! The time has come to assert our dominance and win a SIPPY CUP TROPHY! March. March to the fields of North Carolina, surround Mount Hold-ma-beer! Take the prime seats for the fireworks. Fill the stands! Make sure this entire network knows the glory of the Angry Mad Chemists! MEMAW WILL IGNORE US NO MORE!
Phroooaggh: FOR CLARITY! No violence! We are not some morons marching the center of government…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No but we will BE THE CENTER OF GOVERNMENT SOON ENOUGH! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*coughcoughcough* …Norm… lozenge!
*how ominous … fade out as the crowd marches onward to North Carolina to take over the CAR race track!*
1. How excited is your crew for the start of the race?
Phroooaggh: The guys seem upbeat but also pessimistic. They want to win but have low self esteem. I guess more people need to join cultofdoof.com! His name is Doof and you do what he says WOOP WOOP!
2. Your vehicle has been hit with cake pops. Now what?
Billy: It’s times like this I wish our ablative armor was adhesive armor. I’m starving, those look tasty. And EVIL! Devil’s food knows no equal!
3. Do you see the Sippy Cup?
Norm the Normal Human: HEY LOOK! It’s a child’s drinking vessel! How fun and unusual!
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: FREE MEMBERSHIPS TO CULTOFDOOF.COM FOR ALL THE CAR CREW MEMBERS AND MEMBERS OF THE BOARD!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: FREE MEMBERSHIPS TO CULTOFDOOF.COM FOR ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE WINNING RACE TEAM AND ALL OF THE MEMBERS OF THE BOARD! Except Mary, she plotted this. She’s not cool enough to join our fan club! *sticks out tongue*
*We open inside the meeting room of the Angry Mad Chemists, in the penthouse of the DEI building. Doof, the financial backer, cult leader, and all around relatable goofball … stands at the head of the table with one of those telescopic pointer devices and a cork board. He has at his ovular table, his board of chemists. Billy! The driver! Ian! The weapons expert! Ovi! The mechanic! Phroooaggh … the uh … relentless … and Norm! … the … uh … and Norm!*
Billy: Seems like all that talk of blackmail went over like a damp squib.
Ovi: The dinosaur did more damage to our building, budget and stomachs by emptying our party fridge than the moronic wannabe dictator did.
Ian: Why does um, an um, uh undead skeletal dinosaur … need um … to eat at all?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Now now, Ian let’s not get bogged down by logic. Nobody else in this place ever does, why start now?
*Billy nods and pulls a sandwich from the aether and begins to eat it while Norm juggles chainsaws perfectly out of boredom. Sensing an opportunity, Phroooaggh records it and posts it to the cult website for the paying members. Gotta keep them happy woop woop.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That’s right Lord Dominicus. Your attempts at blackmail are as effective as Mr. Spock pretending he doesn’t have emotions! … In the Abramsverse. And your little space minion? More like seven of eleven because you found her in the convenience store BARGAIN BIN! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But you see … we can play your games too other teams. Why we can combine the best of EVERY world!
Billy: There is nobody more deliciously uWu than me! I am a heartthrob and I don’t even need fur to do it. I’m just that attractive. And successful!
*Billy hurls his red labcoat and reveals himself in full fursona as a sexy lizard! He strikes several poses and several fans in the building (the highest tier cult members ya know, minus Cross – he’s busy this month) all swoon and faint.*
Ovi: I’ve done what Marty Donovan and all of mother could never do. I created a synthetic seven year old and SUCCESSFULLY became his hero and gave him everything he could want! AND he’s well-behaved!
Tinto-bot: YAY! I *bzzt* have all the video games I could want. And the willpower not to *bzzt* play them all day. I have a well-balanced lunch and I love my mommy! Mr. Ovi even got me *bzzt* Discovery+ a much better streaming service, and a subscription to cultofdoof.com woop woop.
Ian: Also the uh, robotic woman.
*Ovi is making out with a robotic woman who looks like a fusion of Ollie Oldham and the Industrial Woman.*
Ovi: Better than BOTH of you! And no backwards conservative gun-nut future father-in-law OR overprotective Final Boss in sight!
Ian: I, uh, both own a house, and have all my hair. And I never had to fake a pregnancy for um, haha, clickbait views. Though I find being better than Copycat to be a trivial task…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And of course … Bad to the Bone … My minions aren’t an inflatable suit and a man in pajamas … they’re an eldritch wizard skeleton man and a Man who IS a suit. A mech suit And furthermore … if you want to blackmail … do it right! WATCH THE MASTER! Lord Dominicus … we know your secret identity! If you don’t want us to tell everyone how pitiful and overmatched you TRULY are … maybe YOOOOOOU should pull off the road! And help us win! And watch the video on cultofdoof.com!
*Everyone stops and looks at him puzzled.*
Phroooaggh: Wait … when did that happen?
Billy: I don’t remember discussing this!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh … Doof has his ways … I was the only one who saw through that clever disguise to know Dino Bones was here and give him all the useless info! Didn’t expect him to raid the fridge and steal all our party food, chemical concoctions, blood samples, urine samples, and Phroooaggh’s pet rock we kept in the fridge … … … so of COURSE I can see through that horrible mask and see the scourge that lives underneath, hiding in shame! But for now … let’s do something only WE can do!
*Doof throws open the window and looks out … there are literally hundreds of people outside the compound all cheering for him and reciting…*
The crowd!: HIS NAME IS DOOF AND WE’LL DO WHAT HE SAYS WOOP WOOP!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: MY GLORIOUS PAYING MEMBERS OF THE CULT OF DOOF! The time has come to assert our dominance and win a SIPPY CUP TROPHY! March. March to the fields of North Carolina, surround Mount Hold-ma-beer! Take the prime seats for the fireworks. Fill the stands! Make sure this entire network knows the glory of the Angry Mad Chemists! MEMAW WILL IGNORE US NO MORE!
Phroooaggh: FOR CLARITY! No violence! We are not some morons marching the center of government…
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No but we will BE THE CENTER OF GOVERNMENT SOON ENOUGH! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*coughcoughcough* …Norm… lozenge!
*how ominous … fade out as the crowd marches onward to North Carolina to take over the CAR race track!*
1. How excited is your crew for the start of the race?
Phroooaggh: The guys seem upbeat but also pessimistic. They want to win but have low self esteem. I guess more people need to join cultofdoof.com! His name is Doof and you do what he says WOOP WOOP!
2. Your vehicle has been hit with cake pops. Now what?
Billy: It’s times like this I wish our ablative armor was adhesive armor. I’m starving, those look tasty. And EVIL! Devil’s food knows no equal!
3. Do you see the Sippy Cup?
Norm the Normal Human: HEY LOOK! It’s a child’s drinking vessel! How fun and unusual!
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: FREE MEMBERSHIPS TO CULTOFDOOF.COM FOR ALL THE CAR CREW MEMBERS AND MEMBERS OF THE BOARD!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: FREE MEMBERSHIPS TO CULTOFDOOF.COM FOR ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE WINNING RACE TEAM AND ALL OF THE MEMBERS OF THE BOARD! Except Mary, she plotted this. She’s not cool enough to join our fan club! *sticks out tongue*
