.::XWF Presents: Warfare [5/21/03]

[Mongo the Destroyer]

The Xtreme Wrestling Federation Presents:
XWF Warfare

May 21st, 2003

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Tonight's Card:

Hardcore Match for the XWF Xtreme Championship
Crazy Dan (c) vs Chris Styles

Brandon Taylor vs. 'The Shining Wizard' Gregory Helms

Arm Wrestling Match
'Your Hero' Kris Quake vs Eric 'The Attitude' Owens

XWF Tag Team Championship
Leinad & The Rock vs Team MacDaddy vs Team xXx

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*Pyros explode as the pre-Carnage Warfare plays across the world*

King: Hello, I'm Jerry "the King" Lawler commenting aside of Ozzy Osbourne, boy do we have one hell of a Warfare for you people tonight.

*"Keep Away" by Godsmack picks up over the PA and Chris Styles steps out through the curtains followed closely by his girlfriend Lizzy Borden, to nothing but boo's. He holds his arms up crossed in the air with the 'V1' symbol on each hand taunting the fans as Lizzy rubs up against him, causing them to boo even louder. They stand at the top of the stage taunting the fans for a few seconds and then finally begin their decent down the ramp, Styles flexing and mocking the fans the whole way, and Lizzy flaunting her "assets". Styles hops up onto apron and holds the ropes for Lizzy, he then climbs through the ropes and makes his way to the opposite side of the ring where he stands on the ropes making the same crossed, 'V1' pose as Lizzy cheers him on and the fans continue to boo. Styles finally hops off the ropes and struts around the ring as his music dies out.*

King: You know, I really like Chris Styles, he was my favorite Xtreme Champion.
Ozzy: Fuckin hot ass bitch of his.

*"Zombie" by the Cranberries plays over the PA as the Xtreme Champion, Crazy Dan makes his way down to the ring with the title over his shoulder and a sick smile on his face.*

King: We have a very... well weird X-Champion.
Ozzy: Fuckin crazy bastard.

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Hardcore Match for the XWF Xtreme Championship
Crazy Dan (c) vs Chris Styles

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*Both men circle the ring as each man searches for an opportunity to strike, Styles finally charges at Dan but he sidesteps him, Styles bounces off the ropes and swings for a clothesline but Dan ducks it and drops Styles with a neckbreaker. Dan quickly lifts Styles up and whips him to the ropes, he then takes him over with a brutal powerslam and makes the cover but Styles kicks out at 2. Dan gets to his feet and drops the elbow but Styles moves out of the way and kicks up to his feet, he swings a roundhouse at the X-Champion but Dan ducks and nails Styles with a low blow, he shoves Styles to the corner and then lifts him up and slams him down with a devastating spinebuster!*

King: Holy @#%$ that had to hurt like hell!
Ozzy: Fuckin pain.

*Dan gets to his feet and climbs to the second turnbuckle, he waits for Styles to get up and then leaps off trying for a double axe handle but Styles sidesteps it and hits the Final Seconds! He locks on the sleeper tight as Crazy Dan squirms for the ropes but Styles wont let go.. Dan finally gets his foot on the ropes and the ref counts to 4.. finally he makes Styles release the hold as Dan rolls out of the ring gasping for air. Styles argues with the ref for a few seconds and then sticks his head through the ropes looking for Dan, just then a chair swings up and nails Styles right in the skull making him stumble back and fall on his back.*

King: Wow that was like, out of nowhere.
Ozzy: Fuckin extreme!

*Crazy Dan quickly slides into the ring with the chair and makes the cover on the challenger, 1 ... 2 ... Styles kicks out! Crazy Dan gets to his feet and begins stomping on Styles in a mad fit of anger, he runs to the ropes and leaps up in the air and drops down with a leg drop, he then gets up and grabs the chair and stands waiting for Styles to get to his feet, he finally does and Dan swings the chair but Styles moves and the chair hits the ropes, bounces back and hits Dan in the face, he spins around and stumbles right into the Styles Effect! Styles makes the cover, 1 ... 2 ... 3!*
Winner: Chris Styles

King: We have a new X-Champion!
Ozzy: One fuckin week?!

*Styles grabs the belt and jumps up on the second rope celebrating as "Keep Away" blasts over the PA, Styles hops off the second rope and starts walking to the opposite corner, just then a man in a hooded sweatshirt slides into the ring, crosses Styles arms and hits an X-Plex on him!*

King: Styles Plex?!
Ozzy: Wait? isn't that that one spider dude from XHF.
King: Holy @#%$, that's Venom!

*Venom stands over Styles and yells something at him, he then slides out of the ring and leaps the barricade returning to where he came from, Crazy Dan finally comes to and realizes that Styles is down and the opportunity at hand... Crazy Dan grabs Styles by the leg and pulls him into the center of the ring, he then locks on the Straight Jacket! Styles finally comes to but just to scream out in pain and yell "I quit".*

King: Wow... we have a new X-Champion... again.
Ozzy: 1 fuckin minute?!

*"Zombie" hits the PA as Crazy Dan grabs his X-title and makes his way out of the ring and up the ramp as the crowd cheers him on and Styles lays in the ring holding his knee in pain*
Winner and still Xtreme Champion: Crazy Dan

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*A voice echoes over the PA system: "None shall pass, The Shining Wizard is coming through!" and then "Serenity" by Godsmack plays as The Shining wizard runs around the ring, giving high fives to his fans. He takes off his wizard hat to reveal another underneath that he takes off and puts on the head of a random child.*

King: Brandon was right about The Shining Wizard, he is a geek.
Ozzy: I can't disagree with you there...

*The opening drums to ?We Want Fun? begins to play. They echo throughout the stands and hallways. The lights dim down, and a spot light flashes over the entrance of the Xtreme Tron. Out comes 4 guys going their separate ways spreading across the Xtreme Tron stage. They put down some firecrackers, and light them off. They pop like crazy, and out comes Brandon Taylor in a giant shopping cart, holding a sparkler in his hand. He rolls down the ramp, and rams straight into the ring. He cart shoots him forward over the top rope and onto the mat. He dusts himself off, and takes off his helmet. He then looks out to the crowd, and waves at them. He walks over to the turnbuckle, and rests his helmet down on it. He then unzips his jump suit, and appears just to be a normal guy in normal clothes looking like Bam Margera.*

King: Maybe Brandon can knock Helms back into the forest.
Ozzy: Meh fuckin hell...

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Singles Match
The Shining Wizard vs Brandon Taylor

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*The bell rings, and Brandon Taylor and The Shining Wizard stand in their respective corners. Brandon wiggles his arms around, and The Shining Wizard just keeps to himself with his thoughts. Brandon finally goes out and meets Wizard in the ring. Brandon raises his arms for a lock up. Shining Wizard goes to grab Brandon's hands. Brandon tricks him and kicks Wizard in the gut. He hits a gutwench suplex to take down The Shining Wizard. Brandon then locks on a face lock, and Shining Wizard rolls up to break free. Brandon comes back, and Shining Wizard kicks Brandon over him as Wizard is still on his back. Wizard flips himself up, and Brandon clotheslines him back down. Wizard is right back up, and Brandon charges again. Wizard ducks another clothesline. Brandon comes back off the ropes, and jumps over a ducking Wizard. Brandon comes back again, and Wizard ducks again. Brandon locks on to The Shining Wizard's head, and hits a Swinging Neckbreaker.

King: Looks like Brandon won the game of Chicken.

*Brandon grabs The Wizards leg and locks him on. He then stretches up to The Wizards neck, and locks on the Muscle Stimulator. The Shining Wizard begins to yell in pain, and scurries to get to the bottom rope. The Wizard finally does, and Brandon lets go. Brandon taunts the Wizard as he gets up. Wizard turns around, and surprises Brandon with a Superkick! Brandon flips back on to his back. Wizard falls to the mat and pins the XWF Commissioner. 1...2...KICKOUT! just before the 3 count. Brandon rolls on to his chest and The Wizard picks up Brandon to continue on.*

Ozzy: Kick his fuckin ass, i got money riding on your victory.

*Wizard chops Brandon in the chest a couple of times. Wizard hits a suplex on Brandon Taylor. Wizard stomps on Brandon, and then climbs the nearest turnbuckle. Brandon Taylor begins to get up, and he finally gets to his feet. He turns to The Wizard, and The Wizard jumps off for a Crossbody! He hits it, taking down Brandon Taylor! The Wizard pumps up the crowd, and taunts for the Shining Chokeslam! Brandon slowly makes his way back up. Wizard begins choking Brandon Taylor. Brandon Taylor kicks The Shining Wizard in the gut, and locks on for the Crackin Skullz! The Shining Wizard elbows out of Brandon's finisher! Brandon stumbles back a bit. The Shining Wizard runs up and jumps at Brandon for the Shining Wizard Kick! Brandon ducks, and grabs The Shining Wizard's legs. Brandon Taylor hits the XXXTacy in one swift counter! Shining Wizard is now knocked out cold, and Brandon covers for the pinfall. 1...2...3! Brandon rolls up and lifts his arms in victory.*
Winner: Brandon Taylor

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*"Solder" By Eminem blast over the P.A. system as the Tron flashes the words "Ego is the greatest gift of all". Suddenly "The Attitude" Eric Owens appears on the entrance ramp flexing his huge biceps while the fans boo. Eric begins to walk down to the ring smiling at the ladies as he goes.*

Ozzy: Finally, a great @#%$ attitude.

*The stage lights turn to an emerald green as Three Doors Down's "Kryptonite" begins to play over the speakers. As the lights green lights flicker the curtain is thrown back and Kris Quake walks out. Kris Quake holds his arms out to show off his chest bare chest as he walks down to the ring. Kris slowly walks up the steps then springs over the top rope into the ring and spins around to the middle of the ring with his arms once again spread.*

King: He looks like a Mini-Test.

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Arm Wrestling Match
"The Attitude" Eric Owens vs "Your Hero" Kris Quake

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*Eric and Kris go to the specially designed Arm Wrestling table. Eric and Kris lock hands, and waits for the ref's signal. The ref calls for the bell, and the match is under way. Eric and Kris start to arm wrestle! Kris starts to be winning. Then Eric starts over powering Kris. Kris comes back though, but so does Eric! Eric takes Kris's arm almost to the top of the table. Kris then kicks Eric in the stomach from under the table! Eric falls back, and Kris jumps out of his chair.*
Winner by Disqualification: Eric Owens

King: I knew this wasn't going to end easily!

*Kris walks on to and over the table to Eric. Eric is back up, and they start dukeing it out. They deliver punches back and forth. Eric gets Kris into the ropes, and goes for a big overhand punch! Kris ducks and pulls down on the ropes. Eric goes over the top rope to the floor. Kris Quake then gets back up, and looks down at Eric getting back up. Kris launches himself off the top rope, and over the ropes. He splashes down on Eric Owens. Kris rolls off Eric, and hurt himself. The refs begin to pull Kris away from Eric, leaving Eric hurt and angered.*

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*"Hollywood" blasts over the PA as Leinad and the Rock make their way down to the ring, the fans cheer wildly as the two do their respective taunts and wait for their opponents.*

King: I'm sayin these two.
Ozzy: Fuckin elf!

*"My Way" by Limp Bizkit hits the PA as Team Macdaddy make their way down to the ring and the fans boo them the whole way.*

King: New comers are always surprising.
Ozzy: Fuckin newbs?

*"Headstrong" by Trapt plays as Team xXx make their way down to the ring with the tag titles over their shoulders.*

King: Yet another title defense for xXx.
Ozzy: Champs rule!

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XWF Tag Team Championship
Leinad & The Rock vs Team MacDaddy vs Team xXx

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*Leinad, Kareem, and X Warrior start the match off, Leinad superkicks X Warrior down and Kareem attacks Leinad from behind, he whips him to the corner and begins beating on him as X Warrior regains his composure, he attacks Kareem from behind and nails him with a release German suplex! Leinad grabs X Warrior?s head and spikes him with a DDT as Kareem gets back to his feet, he swings at Leinad but he ducks and nails Kareem with a ddt as well. He picks X Warrior up and sets him up on the ropes, he climbs to the top and takes him off with a high impact superplex! He makes the cover but Kareem breaks it up. Leinad tags in the Rock who immediately jumps in and begins laying the smackdown on everyone! He whips Kareem to the ropes and nails him with a samoan drop, he then grabs X Warrior and tosses him with a belly to belly!*

King: Rock is cleaning house.
Ozzy: Fuckin Hollywood bastard.

*Rock lifts up Kareem and whips him to the corner where he tags in Barns, he charges at Rock but Rock just grabs him by the head and tosses him over the top rope and to the arena floor. In this time X Warrior has tagged in Stone Sour and he attacks Rock from behind and shoves him into the corner, Rock rebounds out and Sour grabs his head and plants him with a running bulldog. He makes the cover but Rock kicks out at 2. Sour lifts up Rock and snaps him over with a suplex, he then lifts him up and plants him with a DDT. He makes the cover again but Rock gets the shoulder up once more. Sour climbs the turnbuckle and awaits Rock?s recovery, he then leaps off and nails him with an axe handle, Rock stumbles away and collapses but tags in Leinad at the same time, Sour attacks Leinad and whips him to the ropes, but he springs off and nails the Under Tow!*

King: It could be over!
Ozzy: Pin you fuckin elf, pin!

*Leinad makes the cover on Stone Sour, he hooks the leg back tight as the ref begins to count, 1... 2... BAM!*

King: Oh that's a disqualification!
Ozzy: Fuckin Kareem, you bastard!

*The ref jumps up and calls for the bell as Leinad rolls off of Stone Sour in pain from the chair shot to his back by Kareem. The ref looks at Kareem and begins yelling at him and Kareem just nails him in the head with the chair too! The Rock runs into the ring and grabs Kareem, Rock Bottom! Rock gets up and taunts over Kareem but just then Barns nails the Rock over the head with a chair, X Warrior grabs Barns but he nails him with the chair too!*
No Contest Due to Disqualification; still XWF Tag-Team Champions: Team xXx

King: This is complete brutality!
Ozzy: Fuckin savage!

*Barns gets Kareem to his feet and the two leave up the ramp as all the opponents lay on the mat thriving in pain as Team Macdaddy laughs and flips off the booing fans as the show fades off the air.*