Don't Drink and Drive- Just Drink (Tag Titles)
Jun 16, 2023 18:27:45 GMT -5
Kira Izumi, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jun 16, 2023 18:27:45 GMT -5
*The air is thick with sadness. A widow is consoled by a relative as she cries over a picture of her lost love. Dressed all in black and surrounded by loving family and friends it is clear that this is a funeral proper- though with elements of eastern and western styles because Super Sake is in charge of the production despite this airing for US audiences. A woman leans over the widow.*
Woman: It makes me so MADD that after all of our work to curtail drunk driving that it still continues to take our children…and husbands.
*The widow sobs into a handkerchief, heartbroken at the loss of her one true love to a drunk driver. It’s an incredibly somber moment.*
*The camera suddenly swings around and we see the source of the exclamation, Randy Angel- accompanied by Kris “Triple Quake” Quake. The two of them stumble into the funeral parlor.*
Quake: WOW!
*An attendant swiftly moves to the two out-of-place guests.*
Attendant: Sirs if yo-
Randy: WOW!
Attendant: Wow?
Randy: Yeah, WOW, this party sucks!
*Gasps abound. The widow sobs.*
Randy: But don’t worry, because Super Sake is here to save the day!
*The elder Angel brother pulls out a bottle of Super Sake and winks to the camera. A musical cue plays with his wink. We then cut to the widow, whose handkerchief is replaced by a bottle of Super Sake with the very same musical cue. The relative consoling her is transformed into a DJ! The lady from MADD becomes a scantily clad young woman! The lack of music becomes “Oh Yeah” by Yello! Suddenly this isn’t a funeral, it’s a rockin’ party! Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon toast their magical effort and start to dance with the other funeral-goers.*
*We then fade into Randy Angel alone in what appears to be some kind of study. He walks around an oaken desk as his hand traces the outline of it. He leans against the desk and folds his arms.*
Randy: BONES! Bones everywhere!
*He reaches down and pulls up an x-ray that shows what he’s talking about.*
Randy: Do you know how many bones are in this match? Just like…so many! Hello CAR, I’m Randy Angel, one half of the duo known as Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon! You might remember me from seeing me on commentary at global shows. Anyway, we’re bringing our brand of Super Sake-infused greatness to your venue! What does that mean for you?
*Angel pulls up a bottle of Super Sake into the frame.*
Randy: First it means things are about to get a lot more fun! It also means opportunity for you guys because we’ll be putting the XHF Tag Team Championships up for grabs in a competitive match!
*He pulls up his side of the aforementioned tag team championships and puts it on his shoulder.*
Randy: And we get to do it all…on a cake! Everyone loves cake!
*With another reach below camera, Randy once again pulls out another prop, this time some cake on a plate. He’s now wearing his title on his shoulder while holding a bottle of Super Sake in one hand and the cake in another. With his teeth he uncaps the bottle and takes a swig, then sticks his face into the cake. When he comes up he smiles.*
Randy: YUM! If only Super Sake made a delicious party flavor!
*JUMP CUT to Quake who’s been hiding in a corner of the study that wasn’t on camera. He spins around.*
Quake: But wait! Every flavor of Super Sake is a party in a bottle!
*BACK TO Randy, who’s face is now clean and is no longer encumbered by all the stuff he was holding.*
Randy: That’s right! And just like Super Sake we’re gonna bring the party to this pile of bones that is called CAR! I mean, that’s who you have representing you, right? Just a pile of bones? Big Bone, Dinosaur Bones, old man Oldham, Skinny McDisney…I’m not missing anyone am I? But that’s ok, we’ve faced old bones before. After all, last month we faced off against Noel Edmonds!
*QUICK CUT to Quake again spinning out of a corner.*
Quake: Does Mr. Blobby even have bones?
*AND BACK TO Randy, who shrugs.*
Randy: Who cares, the point is that we’re used to fighting freaks, weirdos, and old men. But just like all the rest it all comes down to who can party harder. You see this is CAR’s birthday, and we’re here to liven up the dead party with some…actual partying!
*Quake spins out of yet another corner and blows a party noise maker. We then quickly go back to Randy.*
Randy: So I’m not sure what kind of dour things usually go on in your company- what with all the bones and old people- but that’s gonna change, at least for this month. We’re gonna be all up in your cake, just like face first mouth-to-cake-
*Again Quake appears from a corner.*
Quake: We’re gonna tongue your cake so hard!
*Back to Randy.*
Randy: And we’re gonna eat your cake with our whole mouths and we’re gonna also win the match. Or at least we’ll try to. What do you think about that? Hmm?
*Suddenly coming from the side of the camera comes Quake.*
Quake: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
Randy: That’s right! Because we’re bringing the party to you, CAR, whether you like it or not! Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon is the party and we’re gonna celebrate your birthday in style!
Quake: Super Sake Style!
*The two of them toast.*
*Fade back in to the funeral/party. Quake is dancing with the former Mothers Against Drunk Driving representative who is now just a girl in a bikini top and short skirt. Randy meanwhile is on the couch with the widow.*
Randy: So in our upcoming match we’ll be wrestling on cake. I need to get some…experience working with cake…if you know what I mean.
*The widow licks her lips.*
Widow: Oh yeah, I’ve got some cake for you right here…
*She pushes Randy’s head down out of the frame and leans back with a slight moan…and then Randy slowly returns holding a heavily frosted cake! The two of them bury their faces in the cake and get covered in frosting. We then quickly pan to the DJ, who’s dropping the phat beat from atop the casket.*
DJ/Relative: Super Sake wants to remind people that drinking and driving isn’t cool. Why take the party to the road when you can keep it inside where it’s safe? We’re all in this together, friends. So remember, Super Sake: Drink a lot together…responsibly! But don’t drive with it, for real, dawwwwwwwwwwwg!
*He then drops another phat beat as the scene fades on the hopping funeral/party.*
Woman: It makes me so MADD that after all of our work to curtail drunk driving that it still continues to take our children…and husbands.
*The widow sobs into a handkerchief, heartbroken at the loss of her one true love to a drunk driver. It’s an incredibly somber moment.*
“WOW!”
*The camera suddenly swings around and we see the source of the exclamation, Randy Angel- accompanied by Kris “Triple Quake” Quake. The two of them stumble into the funeral parlor.*
Quake: WOW!
*An attendant swiftly moves to the two out-of-place guests.*
Attendant: Sirs if yo-
Randy: WOW!
Attendant: Wow?
Randy: Yeah, WOW, this party sucks!
*Gasps abound. The widow sobs.*
Randy: But don’t worry, because Super Sake is here to save the day!
*The elder Angel brother pulls out a bottle of Super Sake and winks to the camera. A musical cue plays with his wink. We then cut to the widow, whose handkerchief is replaced by a bottle of Super Sake with the very same musical cue. The relative consoling her is transformed into a DJ! The lady from MADD becomes a scantily clad young woman! The lack of music becomes “Oh Yeah” by Yello! Suddenly this isn’t a funeral, it’s a rockin’ party! Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon toast their magical effort and start to dance with the other funeral-goers.*
*We then fade into Randy Angel alone in what appears to be some kind of study. He walks around an oaken desk as his hand traces the outline of it. He leans against the desk and folds his arms.*
Randy: BONES! Bones everywhere!
*He reaches down and pulls up an x-ray that shows what he’s talking about.*
Randy: Do you know how many bones are in this match? Just like…so many! Hello CAR, I’m Randy Angel, one half of the duo known as Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon! You might remember me from seeing me on commentary at global shows. Anyway, we’re bringing our brand of Super Sake-infused greatness to your venue! What does that mean for you?
*Angel pulls up a bottle of Super Sake into the frame.*
Randy: First it means things are about to get a lot more fun! It also means opportunity for you guys because we’ll be putting the XHF Tag Team Championships up for grabs in a competitive match!
*He pulls up his side of the aforementioned tag team championships and puts it on his shoulder.*
Randy: And we get to do it all…on a cake! Everyone loves cake!
*With another reach below camera, Randy once again pulls out another prop, this time some cake on a plate. He’s now wearing his title on his shoulder while holding a bottle of Super Sake in one hand and the cake in another. With his teeth he uncaps the bottle and takes a swig, then sticks his face into the cake. When he comes up he smiles.*
Randy: YUM! If only Super Sake made a delicious party flavor!
*JUMP CUT to Quake who’s been hiding in a corner of the study that wasn’t on camera. He spins around.*
Quake: But wait! Every flavor of Super Sake is a party in a bottle!
*BACK TO Randy, who’s face is now clean and is no longer encumbered by all the stuff he was holding.*
Randy: That’s right! And just like Super Sake we’re gonna bring the party to this pile of bones that is called CAR! I mean, that’s who you have representing you, right? Just a pile of bones? Big Bone, Dinosaur Bones, old man Oldham, Skinny McDisney…I’m not missing anyone am I? But that’s ok, we’ve faced old bones before. After all, last month we faced off against Noel Edmonds!
*QUICK CUT to Quake again spinning out of a corner.*
Quake: Does Mr. Blobby even have bones?
*AND BACK TO Randy, who shrugs.*
Randy: Who cares, the point is that we’re used to fighting freaks, weirdos, and old men. But just like all the rest it all comes down to who can party harder. You see this is CAR’s birthday, and we’re here to liven up the dead party with some…actual partying!
*Quake spins out of yet another corner and blows a party noise maker. We then quickly go back to Randy.*
Randy: So I’m not sure what kind of dour things usually go on in your company- what with all the bones and old people- but that’s gonna change, at least for this month. We’re gonna be all up in your cake, just like face first mouth-to-cake-
*Again Quake appears from a corner.*
Quake: We’re gonna tongue your cake so hard!
*Back to Randy.*
Randy: And we’re gonna eat your cake with our whole mouths and we’re gonna also win the match. Or at least we’ll try to. What do you think about that? Hmm?
*Suddenly coming from the side of the camera comes Quake.*
Quake: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
Randy: That’s right! Because we’re bringing the party to you, CAR, whether you like it or not! Super Sake Presents: Off the Wagon is the party and we’re gonna celebrate your birthday in style!
Quake: Super Sake Style!
*The two of them toast.*
*Fade back in to the funeral/party. Quake is dancing with the former Mothers Against Drunk Driving representative who is now just a girl in a bikini top and short skirt. Randy meanwhile is on the couch with the widow.*
Randy: So in our upcoming match we’ll be wrestling on cake. I need to get some…experience working with cake…if you know what I mean.
*The widow licks her lips.*
Widow: Oh yeah, I’ve got some cake for you right here…
*She pushes Randy’s head down out of the frame and leans back with a slight moan…and then Randy slowly returns holding a heavily frosted cake! The two of them bury their faces in the cake and get covered in frosting. We then quickly pan to the DJ, who’s dropping the phat beat from atop the casket.*
DJ/Relative: Super Sake wants to remind people that drinking and driving isn’t cool. Why take the party to the road when you can keep it inside where it’s safe? We’re all in this together, friends. So remember, Super Sake: Drink a lot together…responsibly! But don’t drive with it, for real, dawwwwwwwwwwwg!
*He then drops another phat beat as the scene fades on the hopping funeral/party.*