Post by Venom 🕷 on Jun 18, 2023 0:49:37 GMT -5
We open on an old silver Lexus parked in an empty parking lot. Although it’s old it’s in pretty good shape. Nothing seems out of the ordinary until one half of Off the Wagon, Kris Quake, walks out wearing red gi. He walks up to the car and runs his hand across the hood of the car and smiles. He turns to the camera.
Quake: This month my partner, the serpent, and I have to head to CAR to defend our tag team belts against some…cars.
Quake crinkles his face confused about having to face a car, but straightens up.
Quake: Cars have nothing on me, though. I’m the monopoly and the car, while a top notch piece, it’s worthless without me.
Quake points to his chest to put emphasis on it.
Quake: That’s why I called around and got ahold of this car here to represent our opponents.
Quake leaps up and kicks the driver side window shattering it and causing glass to fly everywhere.
Quake: This is what is coming for the Cars that stand in our way.
Quake jumps and axe kicks the hood of the car causing a huge dent.
Quake: You see, when you face off against the Monopoly it doesn’t matter what piece you are.
Quake moves to the other side of the car and leaps and kicks in the passenger side window. Glass again flies.
Quake: Because in the end, I owe everything on the board, and you will eventually land on Park Place, and you’ll have to pay to stay at my hotels, and when you can’t pony up the funds, I’ll send you straight to jail. You will not pass go, you will not collect $200, and you will not become the NEW XHF Tag Team Champions.
Quake begins punching and kicking the car relentlessly moving all around until all that’s left is him and a heap of twisted metal.
Quake stops breathing heavy staring at the camera intently. He catches his breath and smirks at the camera.
Quake: This is what’s coming for you when Off the Wagon comes to your place people of CAR. This is what you can expect to happen to your Cars.
Just then Randy walks into frame.
Randy: What have you done?
Quake: Oh partner of mine, I just showed the people of CAR what they have coming.
Randy: I see that, but that’s not the car I got for you. That’s my brother’s car.
Quake: Shit.
Randy: We better go before he comes out.
The two quickly run off camera right as Nelly comes into view.
Nelly: Oh my god, my freaking car! What happened here?
Nelly takes a deep breath and looks around and sees evidence off his brother, an empty Super Sake bottle.
Nelly: Damn it Randy. You guys aren’t even facing real cars, and CAR doesn’t even condone violence! How am I going to get home now?
Nelly puts his face in his hands as we fade.
A new scene emerges with Kris Quake standing in front of an oversized Monopoly board back drop. He’s out of the red gi and now has on a sleeveless Jean jacket and is brandishing a sledge hammer. He paces back and forth before turning to the camera and letting out a large exhale.
Quake: Earlier I was lead astray. The Emperor of Emperor’s was given misleading information. The Mental Murderer was told we would be wrestling in CAR, a place where Cars are raced. What the Monopoly wasn’t told, was that we’d be wrestling racers and crew members. So now I have to change tactics.
Quake lifts the sledge hammer up onto his shoulder.
Quake: Before I was told how this will properly go I planned on using this and my feet and fists to destroy the vehicles of CAR for daring to want to take away my tag team championship. Now, though, I know that I’ll be using this here to destroy a pair of skeletons and Disney characters…
Quake looks from left to right with a look of confusion on his face.
Quake: Is that right? Am I being misled again? I can’t really be facing two skeletons and two Disney characters can I? CAR is so confusing. Someone fact check this for me.
Quake pauses and waits for someone to tell him if he’s right or not.
Quake: We don’t have time to wait so I’m just going to go with what I have. So, if they really are two skeletons, that’s not a problem. Exposed bones just makes it easier for me to find them to break them. If we’re really facing Disney characters, no problem. It won’t be the first time I’ve gotten into a fight with a Disney character. This time I won’t get banned from Tokyo Disney when I do it, I’ll be rewarded with the win!
Quake begins to pace again. He stops after a couple times back and forth, then drops the sledge hammer.
Quake: No one is safe when I enter CAR. No one is safe when I walk into that ring. No one is safe when the bell rings and it’s time to wrestle…inside a cake?
Quake looks perplexed and stares at the camera.
Quake: No way that is true right? Who’s playing a prank on the Monopoly?
Quake storms off camera to figure all this out as we fade to black.
Quake: This month my partner, the serpent, and I have to head to CAR to defend our tag team belts against some…cars.
Quake crinkles his face confused about having to face a car, but straightens up.
Quake: Cars have nothing on me, though. I’m the monopoly and the car, while a top notch piece, it’s worthless without me.
Quake points to his chest to put emphasis on it.
Quake: That’s why I called around and got ahold of this car here to represent our opponents.
Quake leaps up and kicks the driver side window shattering it and causing glass to fly everywhere.
Quake: This is what is coming for the Cars that stand in our way.
Quake jumps and axe kicks the hood of the car causing a huge dent.
Quake: You see, when you face off against the Monopoly it doesn’t matter what piece you are.
Quake moves to the other side of the car and leaps and kicks in the passenger side window. Glass again flies.
Quake: Because in the end, I owe everything on the board, and you will eventually land on Park Place, and you’ll have to pay to stay at my hotels, and when you can’t pony up the funds, I’ll send you straight to jail. You will not pass go, you will not collect $200, and you will not become the NEW XHF Tag Team Champions.
Quake begins punching and kicking the car relentlessly moving all around until all that’s left is him and a heap of twisted metal.
Quake stops breathing heavy staring at the camera intently. He catches his breath and smirks at the camera.
Quake: This is what’s coming for you when Off the Wagon comes to your place people of CAR. This is what you can expect to happen to your Cars.
Just then Randy walks into frame.
Randy: What have you done?
Quake: Oh partner of mine, I just showed the people of CAR what they have coming.
Randy: I see that, but that’s not the car I got for you. That’s my brother’s car.
Quake: Shit.
Randy: We better go before he comes out.
The two quickly run off camera right as Nelly comes into view.
Nelly: Oh my god, my freaking car! What happened here?
Nelly takes a deep breath and looks around and sees evidence off his brother, an empty Super Sake bottle.
Nelly: Damn it Randy. You guys aren’t even facing real cars, and CAR doesn’t even condone violence! How am I going to get home now?
Nelly puts his face in his hands as we fade.
A new scene emerges with Kris Quake standing in front of an oversized Monopoly board back drop. He’s out of the red gi and now has on a sleeveless Jean jacket and is brandishing a sledge hammer. He paces back and forth before turning to the camera and letting out a large exhale.
Quake: Earlier I was lead astray. The Emperor of Emperor’s was given misleading information. The Mental Murderer was told we would be wrestling in CAR, a place where Cars are raced. What the Monopoly wasn’t told, was that we’d be wrestling racers and crew members. So now I have to change tactics.
Quake lifts the sledge hammer up onto his shoulder.
Quake: Before I was told how this will properly go I planned on using this and my feet and fists to destroy the vehicles of CAR for daring to want to take away my tag team championship. Now, though, I know that I’ll be using this here to destroy a pair of skeletons and Disney characters…
Quake looks from left to right with a look of confusion on his face.
Quake: Is that right? Am I being misled again? I can’t really be facing two skeletons and two Disney characters can I? CAR is so confusing. Someone fact check this for me.
Quake pauses and waits for someone to tell him if he’s right or not.
Quake: We don’t have time to wait so I’m just going to go with what I have. So, if they really are two skeletons, that’s not a problem. Exposed bones just makes it easier for me to find them to break them. If we’re really facing Disney characters, no problem. It won’t be the first time I’ve gotten into a fight with a Disney character. This time I won’t get banned from Tokyo Disney when I do it, I’ll be rewarded with the win!
Quake begins to pace again. He stops after a couple times back and forth, then drops the sledge hammer.
Quake: No one is safe when I enter CAR. No one is safe when I walk into that ring. No one is safe when the bell rings and it’s time to wrestle…inside a cake?
Quake looks perplexed and stares at the camera.
Quake: No way that is true right? Who’s playing a prank on the Monopoly?
Quake storms off camera to figure all this out as we fade to black.