Haircore Champion Part 2 (Primal UP Hardcore title RP 2/2)
Jun 28, 2023 21:34:27 GMT -5
Kira Izumi likes this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Jun 28, 2023 21:34:27 GMT -5
*We set our scene in a Japanese lodging. In the living room we hear the TV on. Godzilla is playing on TV. Godzilla 2000 that is. What a heel move. Who would do such a…*
*Indeed Buttons sits on the couch in control of the TV and all alone in the living room. The scene shifts past the lovable murder corgi, the most dangerous “murder” animal in JRoK right now, better than anyone self-proclaiming to be a murder feline or a murder hobo or a murder lizard. Somewhere in Japan we hear Charles, Florida Man and Jesse popping their heads up as if summoned … The camera walks to the window into the back yard of this domicile where Primal and his cohorts are squatting. … You think they’d pay for society’s trappings? No sir. But Buttons needs his TV to keep his killer edge. Nothing makes you want to rage more than the news. Or when on Price is Right someone bids 1 dollar when they AREN’T THE LAST BIDDER!*
: "GRRRRRRRR SHHHHHHHH"
*With the narrator suitably silenced under threat of violent corgi humping assault, we walk outside to find Primal sitting inside of a home made cage of barbed wire. Hanging from it are various swinging implements of damage. Weapons, barbed wire wrapped things, things with small firecrackers attached … some legit looking pyrotechnics sit around him ready to blow at a moment’s notice. And hovering over him is Godzilla, with her atomic breath charged.*
: "Rawr?"
: "Don’t worry baby, I know what I’m doing! Don’t make me go upside your head! UNLEASH … THE TRAINING!"
*some weapons swing down at him. Suddenly his hair sharpens and impales the kendo sticks and chairs, dropping them harmlessly. A firecracker swings down and the hair becomes a shield and engulfs and absorbs the explosion. Atomic breath rains down and the hair forms a baneful bunker over his head and begins to be burned away, regenerating as fast as it withers. It’s like weaponized positive cancer…*
: "Is this all Kira can give to me? Or Nausicaa? Or … Charles? WHOEVER! I AM INVINCIBLE!"
*Famous last words. The big explosives go off sending pressure waves and flames right at him, his hair surrounds him like a cocoon and deforms with the pressure but doesn’t give in. He laughs from within his Gaara-esque hair cocoon. It begins to undulate and flow around him like some kind of hair symbiote. Anyone with a brain may want to avoid this venomous reprobate.*
: "Send it all!"
*Barbed wire rains down and tangles into the Carnage like tendrils as it is ripped from the cage around him and hits the ground. Primal roars as he stands up … his hair returning to normal gross standard. He then walks to the cage of barbed wire and simply pries it apart and steps through.*
: "RAGH!"
: "Shut up baby, I know it! STEVE! Are you ready to meet your match? Your hair may be long, flowing, majestic, and desirable. But mine is … the last thing you will see before your unceremonious demise. None of these barbed wires, explosions or fire can harm me. I am more human than human and nothing can touch me. You were bested by the Oscar committee, how can you hope to tangle with me … inside a cage full of weapons? Hell I don’t even NEED them, I AM A MOTHERFUCKING WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION! I am Primal, the uncaring, the unmoving, the Hairman of the Board … and the kaiju fucker of your nightmares!"
*Godzilla looks all hot and bothered and blushes … as much as a 300 foot atomic abomination made of radiation and scales can blush*
: "DO you know what kind of entity I am? I watched Brian’s Song to get a good chuckle! I eat combs for breakfast! Do you want to know how talented I am in that ring? I came in the top 10 of the rumble while simply having a laugh! I managed to win tag team gold while carrying the dead weight that was Timeless Alex Turner! I am the only person in the XHF that Donzig didn’t try to backstab! The Bastards ran scared because they heard I was returning! Florida Man keeps trying to sell the crowd illicit substances but my blood type is BATH SALTS!"
*He snickers as he brings up a new piece of artwork. It is labeled Contemplative Female Genitalia … it’s a statue of Steve Awesome curled in the fetal position while babies laugh at him, Oscar trophy just out of his reach*
: "And let’s not talk about talent. Oh he of the Z-list straight to Betamax movie films. While you were bribing the academy … and failing at it … to try and be recognized for your … *cough* art … I was snogging it with Carrie Fisher, bless that old dame. I was selling statues, clothing, wall art, and sex toys. I am a world-renowned renewable resource art monster! I’ve made more impact on the art community by taking a shit than you you’re your entire Hollywood career. All anyone knows about you is how much you really want to get into Spike Kane’s pants. That’s right … I am a better artist than Steve Awesome. I have more popularity despite the fear and revulsion I cause in people! You are NOTHING! You mewling quim … you are a skid mark on the underwear of the wrestling AND art communities! And who do we know who can extract that mess and also provide a very long lasting reliable pair of underoos? Well just ask Lord Dominicus … it’s me! Come Under Pressure … you are going to burst under the very pressure of being in the ring with a superior superstar! I’m going to use my new Hollywood star as a bludgeon!"
*Primal laughs then scowls into the camera*
: "And then me and Zilly here are gonna have a … celebratory session on your limp body. And turn you over to the Tokyo police for all the damage you caused with your influence. All those people committing seppuku because they saw you in a movie and it destroyed their brains from how awful you are. You are a REAL LIFE SHIT STORM. And I’m here to nuke the eye of the hurricane to save us all. Your new Haircore Champ. THE HAIRMAN OF THE BOARD! THE KAIJUFUCKER! PRIMAL!"
*He tosses the camera up where Godzilla eats it.*
*Indeed Buttons sits on the couch in control of the TV and all alone in the living room. The scene shifts past the lovable murder corgi, the most dangerous “murder” animal in JRoK right now, better than anyone self-proclaiming to be a murder feline or a murder hobo or a murder lizard. Somewhere in Japan we hear Charles, Florida Man and Jesse popping their heads up as if summoned … The camera walks to the window into the back yard of this domicile where Primal and his cohorts are squatting. … You think they’d pay for society’s trappings? No sir. But Buttons needs his TV to keep his killer edge. Nothing makes you want to rage more than the news. Or when on Price is Right someone bids 1 dollar when they AREN’T THE LAST BIDDER!*
: "GRRRRRRRR SHHHHHHHH"
*With the narrator suitably silenced under threat of violent corgi humping assault, we walk outside to find Primal sitting inside of a home made cage of barbed wire. Hanging from it are various swinging implements of damage. Weapons, barbed wire wrapped things, things with small firecrackers attached … some legit looking pyrotechnics sit around him ready to blow at a moment’s notice. And hovering over him is Godzilla, with her atomic breath charged.*
: "Rawr?"
: "Don’t worry baby, I know what I’m doing! Don’t make me go upside your head! UNLEASH … THE TRAINING!"
*some weapons swing down at him. Suddenly his hair sharpens and impales the kendo sticks and chairs, dropping them harmlessly. A firecracker swings down and the hair becomes a shield and engulfs and absorbs the explosion. Atomic breath rains down and the hair forms a baneful bunker over his head and begins to be burned away, regenerating as fast as it withers. It’s like weaponized positive cancer…*
: "Is this all Kira can give to me? Or Nausicaa? Or … Charles? WHOEVER! I AM INVINCIBLE!"
*Famous last words. The big explosives go off sending pressure waves and flames right at him, his hair surrounds him like a cocoon and deforms with the pressure but doesn’t give in. He laughs from within his Gaara-esque hair cocoon. It begins to undulate and flow around him like some kind of hair symbiote. Anyone with a brain may want to avoid this venomous reprobate.*
: "Send it all!"
*Barbed wire rains down and tangles into the Carnage like tendrils as it is ripped from the cage around him and hits the ground. Primal roars as he stands up … his hair returning to normal gross standard. He then walks to the cage of barbed wire and simply pries it apart and steps through.*
: "RAGH!"
: "Shut up baby, I know it! STEVE! Are you ready to meet your match? Your hair may be long, flowing, majestic, and desirable. But mine is … the last thing you will see before your unceremonious demise. None of these barbed wires, explosions or fire can harm me. I am more human than human and nothing can touch me. You were bested by the Oscar committee, how can you hope to tangle with me … inside a cage full of weapons? Hell I don’t even NEED them, I AM A MOTHERFUCKING WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION! I am Primal, the uncaring, the unmoving, the Hairman of the Board … and the kaiju fucker of your nightmares!"
*Godzilla looks all hot and bothered and blushes … as much as a 300 foot atomic abomination made of radiation and scales can blush*
: "DO you know what kind of entity I am? I watched Brian’s Song to get a good chuckle! I eat combs for breakfast! Do you want to know how talented I am in that ring? I came in the top 10 of the rumble while simply having a laugh! I managed to win tag team gold while carrying the dead weight that was Timeless Alex Turner! I am the only person in the XHF that Donzig didn’t try to backstab! The Bastards ran scared because they heard I was returning! Florida Man keeps trying to sell the crowd illicit substances but my blood type is BATH SALTS!"
*He snickers as he brings up a new piece of artwork. It is labeled Contemplative Female Genitalia … it’s a statue of Steve Awesome curled in the fetal position while babies laugh at him, Oscar trophy just out of his reach*
: "And let’s not talk about talent. Oh he of the Z-list straight to Betamax movie films. While you were bribing the academy … and failing at it … to try and be recognized for your … *cough* art … I was snogging it with Carrie Fisher, bless that old dame. I was selling statues, clothing, wall art, and sex toys. I am a world-renowned renewable resource art monster! I’ve made more impact on the art community by taking a shit than you you’re your entire Hollywood career. All anyone knows about you is how much you really want to get into Spike Kane’s pants. That’s right … I am a better artist than Steve Awesome. I have more popularity despite the fear and revulsion I cause in people! You are NOTHING! You mewling quim … you are a skid mark on the underwear of the wrestling AND art communities! And who do we know who can extract that mess and also provide a very long lasting reliable pair of underoos? Well just ask Lord Dominicus … it’s me! Come Under Pressure … you are going to burst under the very pressure of being in the ring with a superior superstar! I’m going to use my new Hollywood star as a bludgeon!"
*Primal laughs then scowls into the camera*
: "And then me and Zilly here are gonna have a … celebratory session on your limp body. And turn you over to the Tokyo police for all the damage you caused with your influence. All those people committing seppuku because they saw you in a movie and it destroyed their brains from how awful you are. You are a REAL LIFE SHIT STORM. And I’m here to nuke the eye of the hurricane to save us all. Your new Haircore Champ. THE HAIRMAN OF THE BOARD! THE KAIJUFUCKER! PRIMAL!"
*He tosses the camera up where Godzilla eats it.*