Draconian Heartthrob (hardcore rp2)
Jun 28, 2023 22:59:05 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz and Kira Izumi like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Jun 28, 2023 22:59:05 GMT -5
We open up on a row of the best security team J-Rok could purchase.
There they were in all their glory, bellies hanging out of their shirts, they were short and bald guys who were sweating just because they existed. There were perhaps no real athletic bones in their bodies but by gawd they were all willing to give their lives for Steve Awesome or else they wouldn't get paid.
“Alright men….”
Steve said as he walked back and forth down the line of men like a war general.
“As you may know, as the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World, I’ve been developing a lot of enemies lately. This time it’s a lizard and a goblin.”
Steve sighs and shakes his head.
“I may as well be Spider-man.”
He gets to the end of the row, spins on his heels and walks down the row of men again.
“It’s up to you guys to watch my back in case either of these murderous lunatics decide to show up and try to attack me for some reason.”
Just then Steve’s girlfriend Zelda Knite walked up.
“Steve, would you mind telling me why there are about a dozen gross fat guys in our backyard?”
Steve wags his finger disagreeing with her assessment.
“Oh no no, these guys are just -any- gross fat guys. These guys are the best security team J-Rok could purchase. These guys are a fighting force that will stop any threat dead in their tracks! Right men!?”
They all shout out with an enthusiastic yes. Well except One guy who is actually asleep standing up. Zelda clearly doesn’t look impressed.
“Rrrright. Tell me Steve, is the same security team that managed to let a quadruple amputee and his special needs girlfriend slip past them in Tokyo and burn the whole arena down!?”
“I….well…”
Steve turns back to the security team.
“Wait, are you?”
The men mumble and rattle off excuses that ultimately trail off and go nowhere. That guy that was asleep standing up starts to snore.
“Well look, even the greats have fumbled a play or two. These guys are ready to learn from their mistakes. They aren’t going to let anything get past them like that again. Right men!?”
They all nod their heads in agreement. The sleeping guy starts to wobble a bit.
“Oh good.”
Zelda said, sarcasm heavy in her voice.
“Because while you were all in the backyard having a pep talk, I’m pretty sure Jesse Jamester was here and left this on our door.”
Zelda carefully hands Steve a note wrapped in barbed wire. Steve stared at it in horror as he read the note.
“I’m taking everything. Sleep well…”
Steve started to sweat as the confusion and fear started to creep in. The eerie and terrifying feeling of not knowing if you were safe or not. Then suddenly…..
THUD!!
The sleeping dude finally fell over and it was enough to scare the soul out of the Hardcore Champion.
“AHHHHHHH MURDER LIZARD IS HERE!! PROTECT ME WITH YOUR LIVES!”
Steve rushes off screaming which causes the top tier security team to collectively crap their pants and run off screaming in fear.
Zelda just shakes her head and rubs the bridge of her nose in frustration.
“Huh…what?”
The sleeping guard finally comes too, completely unaware and confused at what happened.
“Everyone ran off screaming in fear in that direction.”
Zelda points and the guard thanks her for the information. He stands up, takes a deep breath and just runs off terrified to catch up with his team.
~
STEVE AWESOME
Hard(k)ore Champion
“Let’s go ahead and take care of the lies and accusations that my opponent had to say.”
We open up on the face of the franchise. Hardcore title hanging over his shoulder. He looks annoyed, maybe even a little hurt by the big proclamation made about him.
“My movies do not suck!”
He points into the camera.
“They are works of art, each and everyone of them! Each one has a tiny piece of my soul and I love them more than my own children. I don’t come down to the street corner and tell you how to grow hair and be useless so don’t try to tell me how to do my job.”
“And secondly, you got the wrong guy. The only things that I make blow up are the ratings, Primal inside an electrified cage and the genitals of the people captivated by my sexy. I bet you and your giant whore of a wife are just saying that because back in my drunken days I had a fling with her friend instead of her.”
The screen starts to ripple as Steve recalls the moment.
~~~~~~
The late 90’s
Third Eye Blind was playing in the background as Steve pulled up to a party in a yellow jeep.
“I had made a bit of a mistake and showed up to the wrong drag party.”
The sign says Drag Party but it had a big picture of a reptilian creature with wings blowing fire. Steve stands drunk and confused as he stands in a dress and heels looking a little too much like Alanis Morrisette.
“Ironic. I thought to myself. But I already paid for the valet so I may as well go in and have a drink.”
“Not even two sips into my first drink I saw her. Sitting right next to your wife.”
The camera shows Godzilla having a martini and next to her was a pretty brunette woman with strikingly beautiful eyes. She somehow looked like a Goddess managed to ascend into Kat Jennings.
“And on her other side was the girl of my drunken two week bender dreams.”
“She was coming toward me all sexy light as Smashmouth played in the background. And we both knew what needed to happen.”
~~~~
STEVE AWESOME
DRACONIAN HEARTTHROB
“Needless to say, Dragonzord played on my dragon flute all night long and your whore of a wife had been jealous ever since.”
Steve shakes his head in disgust.
“But none of that matters now.”
Steve slashed the air.
“What matters now is that I walk into Under Pressure and beat your hairy ass inside that cage. I’m going to make you regret saying my movies suck and that I’m a bad actor when I put in the performance of a lifetime at Under pressure in my next film called “Beating the Stupid out of A monster”.
He crosses his arms and glares into the camera.
“You crossed the line now, you disgusting creature. Now I’m really mad! So now I’m going to enjoy squishing you back into obscurity where you belong just like a gross bug that crawled out of the shadows. Now you're going to feel the wrath of the dragon. Just like all the opponents that have fallen before you, Primal.”
Steve steps forward, that confident gleam shining on his face.
“At Under Pressure, you're going to find out why I’m the New Face of HardKore. You think your a bad man? Well there is a big difference between saying that’s what you did before when you were relevant…
He points into the camera and Primal and the back to himself.
“….and someone who is out here living it each and every day.”
He pats the title that hangs over his shoulder.
“At Under Pressure I’m going to beat an apology out of you. Even if I have to carve it into your chest!”
Steve has an electronic hair trimmer and he revs it maniacally in the air as if it were a chainsaw!”
“At Under Pressure, it’s time for a haircut!”
Crotch chop.
Fade.
We get a shot of Steve and Dragonzord in bed the next morning.
“Why are you still here?”
Dragonzord yells and shoots five finger missiles that blow up a wall.
“Okay, heh heh, yeah, you can stay for awhile Heh….”
There they were in all their glory, bellies hanging out of their shirts, they were short and bald guys who were sweating just because they existed. There were perhaps no real athletic bones in their bodies but by gawd they were all willing to give their lives for Steve Awesome or else they wouldn't get paid.
“Alright men….”
Steve said as he walked back and forth down the line of men like a war general.
“As you may know, as the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World, I’ve been developing a lot of enemies lately. This time it’s a lizard and a goblin.”
Steve sighs and shakes his head.
“I may as well be Spider-man.”
He gets to the end of the row, spins on his heels and walks down the row of men again.
“It’s up to you guys to watch my back in case either of these murderous lunatics decide to show up and try to attack me for some reason.”
Just then Steve’s girlfriend Zelda Knite walked up.
“Steve, would you mind telling me why there are about a dozen gross fat guys in our backyard?”
Steve wags his finger disagreeing with her assessment.
“Oh no no, these guys are just -any- gross fat guys. These guys are the best security team J-Rok could purchase. These guys are a fighting force that will stop any threat dead in their tracks! Right men!?”
They all shout out with an enthusiastic yes. Well except One guy who is actually asleep standing up. Zelda clearly doesn’t look impressed.
“Rrrright. Tell me Steve, is the same security team that managed to let a quadruple amputee and his special needs girlfriend slip past them in Tokyo and burn the whole arena down!?”
“I….well…”
Steve turns back to the security team.
“Wait, are you?”
The men mumble and rattle off excuses that ultimately trail off and go nowhere. That guy that was asleep standing up starts to snore.
“Well look, even the greats have fumbled a play or two. These guys are ready to learn from their mistakes. They aren’t going to let anything get past them like that again. Right men!?”
They all nod their heads in agreement. The sleeping guy starts to wobble a bit.
“Oh good.”
Zelda said, sarcasm heavy in her voice.
“Because while you were all in the backyard having a pep talk, I’m pretty sure Jesse Jamester was here and left this on our door.”
Zelda carefully hands Steve a note wrapped in barbed wire. Steve stared at it in horror as he read the note.
“I’m taking everything. Sleep well…”
Steve started to sweat as the confusion and fear started to creep in. The eerie and terrifying feeling of not knowing if you were safe or not. Then suddenly…..
THUD!!
The sleeping dude finally fell over and it was enough to scare the soul out of the Hardcore Champion.
“AHHHHHHH MURDER LIZARD IS HERE!! PROTECT ME WITH YOUR LIVES!”
Steve rushes off screaming which causes the top tier security team to collectively crap their pants and run off screaming in fear.
Zelda just shakes her head and rubs the bridge of her nose in frustration.
“Huh…what?”
The sleeping guard finally comes too, completely unaware and confused at what happened.
“Everyone ran off screaming in fear in that direction.”
Zelda points and the guard thanks her for the information. He stands up, takes a deep breath and just runs off terrified to catch up with his team.
~
STEVE AWESOME
Hard(k)ore Champion
“Let’s go ahead and take care of the lies and accusations that my opponent had to say.”
We open up on the face of the franchise. Hardcore title hanging over his shoulder. He looks annoyed, maybe even a little hurt by the big proclamation made about him.
“My movies do not suck!”
He points into the camera.
“They are works of art, each and everyone of them! Each one has a tiny piece of my soul and I love them more than my own children. I don’t come down to the street corner and tell you how to grow hair and be useless so don’t try to tell me how to do my job.”
“And secondly, you got the wrong guy. The only things that I make blow up are the ratings, Primal inside an electrified cage and the genitals of the people captivated by my sexy. I bet you and your giant whore of a wife are just saying that because back in my drunken days I had a fling with her friend instead of her.”
The screen starts to ripple as Steve recalls the moment.
~~~~~~
The late 90’s
Third Eye Blind was playing in the background as Steve pulled up to a party in a yellow jeep.
“I had made a bit of a mistake and showed up to the wrong drag party.”
The sign says Drag Party but it had a big picture of a reptilian creature with wings blowing fire. Steve stands drunk and confused as he stands in a dress and heels looking a little too much like Alanis Morrisette.
“Ironic. I thought to myself. But I already paid for the valet so I may as well go in and have a drink.”
“Not even two sips into my first drink I saw her. Sitting right next to your wife.”
The camera shows Godzilla having a martini and next to her was a pretty brunette woman with strikingly beautiful eyes. She somehow looked like a Goddess managed to ascend into Kat Jennings.
“And on her other side was the girl of my drunken two week bender dreams.”
“She was coming toward me all sexy light as Smashmouth played in the background. And we both knew what needed to happen.”
~~~~
STEVE AWESOME
DRACONIAN HEARTTHROB
“Needless to say, Dragonzord played on my dragon flute all night long and your whore of a wife had been jealous ever since.”
Steve shakes his head in disgust.
“But none of that matters now.”
Steve slashed the air.
“What matters now is that I walk into Under Pressure and beat your hairy ass inside that cage. I’m going to make you regret saying my movies suck and that I’m a bad actor when I put in the performance of a lifetime at Under pressure in my next film called “Beating the Stupid out of A monster”.
He crosses his arms and glares into the camera.
“You crossed the line now, you disgusting creature. Now I’m really mad! So now I’m going to enjoy squishing you back into obscurity where you belong just like a gross bug that crawled out of the shadows. Now you're going to feel the wrath of the dragon. Just like all the opponents that have fallen before you, Primal.”
Steve steps forward, that confident gleam shining on his face.
“At Under Pressure, you're going to find out why I’m the New Face of HardKore. You think your a bad man? Well there is a big difference between saying that’s what you did before when you were relevant…
He points into the camera and Primal and the back to himself.
“….and someone who is out here living it each and every day.”
He pats the title that hangs over his shoulder.
“At Under Pressure I’m going to beat an apology out of you. Even if I have to carve it into your chest!”
Steve has an electronic hair trimmer and he revs it maniacally in the air as if it were a chainsaw!”
“At Under Pressure, it’s time for a haircut!”
Crotch chop.
Fade.
We get a shot of Steve and Dragonzord in bed the next morning.
“Why are you still here?”
Dragonzord yells and shoots five finger missiles that blow up a wall.
“Okay, heh heh, yeah, you can stay for awhile Heh….”