Post by Rage and Cage on Jul 9, 2023 17:39:47 GMT -5
Nicholas Honest Cage's face appears on the screen as he livestreams.
Cage: Your boy Nic here after a weak Legacy!
“Woke” Wesley Rage stumbles into the stream as he’s favoring his back after the sneak attack by Kalmin Watts.
Rage: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! I’M GOING TO KILL THAT REGRESSIVE COWBOY!
Cage: Fuck yeah, bro! What kind of pussy uses a weapon to attack four unarmed men?
Rage: The worst kind! He talks about “honor” and bullshit, but he wouldn’t fight me head on! You know why? Because he knew that I’d kick his ass back to Wyoming.
Cage: Isn’t he from Oklahoma?
Rage: What’s the difference? Both are red states that make sport out of oppressing racial and sexual minorities.
Cage: I don’t even think they are states.
Rage: They’re not! There’s no promotion of the common good or championing of the citizens against the capitalist elite! They’re fake polities!
Cage: I meant that I can’t find them on the map. Maybe they’re tucked away in the upper right-hand side of the country.
Rage: Don’t you dare disparage the enlightened East Coast by including that red, flyover garbage!
Cage: That was a bad end to the show.
Rage: Nothing about the show was good! Why weren’t we in the main event? We’re High Rollers! We are the uncrowned Tag Team Champions! We get bumped from the top for what? Ronnie Long winning the Commonwealth Title? Who cares? He’s a phony! For all his tough talk, he let out a high-pitch scream and ran away when I set a can of Bud Light and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s down. I can’t wait for Preston Reese to topple that fascist!
Cage: Even worse is that Mr. Crane couldn’t get New Blood to give us the tag belts or even a match for them. We have to be in a tournament!
Rage: What those in the wrestling entertainment business call “The Wrath of Khan”.
Cage: Yeah, the remake sucked. If JJ had the balls to replace Chris Pine with me, then they’d still be making sequels! Chris Pine is box office poison!
Rage: Another mediocre hwite guy getting something he didn’t deserve!
Cage nods as he scrolls through his phone.
Cage: At least New Blood did us a solid by putting the Glucks in Block B. They’ll handle their business over there. We just have to worry about our first opponents: Dark Stars…
Rage: Already beat ‘em
Cage: Then the winners of the Epcott Mafia…
Rage: Any opposition to Ronnie De-dictator can’t be that bad, but I don’t know who they are.
Cage: and the New Untouchables.
Rage: Who?
Cage: I don’t know, either. There aren’t any pictures.
Rage: WHY AREN’T WE THE TAG CHAMPS ALREADY?!
The sudden explosion catches Cage off-guard.
Cage: Warn me next time!
Rage: Sorry. It’s just so…stupid! Half of the teams are making their debut! The Dark Stars are fodder! This is a waste of our time! I could be at a climate change rally and be available remotely, which is the greenest way to get your message across in WUK! But do I get what I want? FUUUUUUUU-UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cage: It’s sad when bad things happen to good people. It’s like Gone in Sixty Seconds. My character didn’t want to steal those cars, but he had to save the dude from Sneaky Pete! It’s bullshit that we have to do this. I wish we could just skip the show.
Rage: What’d you say?
Cage: I wish we could skip the show.
Rage: Let’s do it!
Cage: Skip?
Rage: Yeah! It’ll be the people’s protest against WUK…NO, we’ll go on strike! We’ll show the elitists they can’t treat us like this.
Cage: I like it! We can get the Glucks in on it, too!
Rage: Man, fuck those guys. The hillbillies are too stupid to understand the complexity of our actions. Besides, once they win the belts, they can hand them over! You know, pay their dues to the High Rollers Club!
Cage: I haven’t felt this way since I read the script for Pig! I love this idea! We got nothing to prove. We’re the best in WUK whether we beat a bunch of losers or not!
Cage looks at his phone.
Cage: STRIKE 2023 IS ON!
The brothers high-five. Rage also looks at the camera.
Cage: We are the spirit of the High Rollers Club and WUK!
Rage: We are the anarchy that drives the Revolution as long as there is no oppression of marginalized groups!
Cage: Yeah! Margarine! Fuck butter!
Rage: By the way, June may be over, but we’re coming for anyone who still isn’t flying the rainbow flag of equality! And we mean the real flag! That means with black, brown, and light blue stripes! Fuck you and those seven-color flags of hate!
Cage: You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Rage: We got a lot of free time now, so you know we’ll find you! We’re not just going to be marching around with signs!
Cage: Multi-tasking!
Rage: And enjoy the win, Dark Stars!
Cage: Another word for “asshole”.
Rage: Rage and Cage pay our fair share and redistribute wins!
Cage: Tax the High Rollers Club…but not too much…
Rage: We pay it gladly! We understand that the poor immigrants from the future need our kindness and compassion. While we’re disheartened to learn that there are still gender differences in the future, we can be part of the change today!
Cage: Give whatever’s in your pocket!
Cage reaches down.
Cage: Whoa! I got multiple rolls of quarters!
Rage: Nic! They didn’t consent to see that!
Cage: It wasn’t in the camera!
Rage: Then they didn’t consent to see that suggested!
Cage: True. Anyway, we strikin’!
Cage: Your boy Nic here after a weak Legacy!
“Woke” Wesley Rage stumbles into the stream as he’s favoring his back after the sneak attack by Kalmin Watts.
Rage: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! I’M GOING TO KILL THAT REGRESSIVE COWBOY!
Cage: Fuck yeah, bro! What kind of pussy uses a weapon to attack four unarmed men?
Rage: The worst kind! He talks about “honor” and bullshit, but he wouldn’t fight me head on! You know why? Because he knew that I’d kick his ass back to Wyoming.
Cage: Isn’t he from Oklahoma?
Rage: What’s the difference? Both are red states that make sport out of oppressing racial and sexual minorities.
Cage: I don’t even think they are states.
Rage: They’re not! There’s no promotion of the common good or championing of the citizens against the capitalist elite! They’re fake polities!
Cage: I meant that I can’t find them on the map. Maybe they’re tucked away in the upper right-hand side of the country.
Rage: Don’t you dare disparage the enlightened East Coast by including that red, flyover garbage!
Cage: That was a bad end to the show.
Rage: Nothing about the show was good! Why weren’t we in the main event? We’re High Rollers! We are the uncrowned Tag Team Champions! We get bumped from the top for what? Ronnie Long winning the Commonwealth Title? Who cares? He’s a phony! For all his tough talk, he let out a high-pitch scream and ran away when I set a can of Bud Light and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s down. I can’t wait for Preston Reese to topple that fascist!
Cage: Even worse is that Mr. Crane couldn’t get New Blood to give us the tag belts or even a match for them. We have to be in a tournament!
Rage: What those in the wrestling entertainment business call “The Wrath of Khan”.
Cage: Yeah, the remake sucked. If JJ had the balls to replace Chris Pine with me, then they’d still be making sequels! Chris Pine is box office poison!
Rage: Another mediocre hwite guy getting something he didn’t deserve!
Cage nods as he scrolls through his phone.
Cage: At least New Blood did us a solid by putting the Glucks in Block B. They’ll handle their business over there. We just have to worry about our first opponents: Dark Stars…
Rage: Already beat ‘em
Cage: Then the winners of the Epcott Mafia…
Rage: Any opposition to Ronnie De-dictator can’t be that bad, but I don’t know who they are.
Cage: and the New Untouchables.
Rage: Who?
Cage: I don’t know, either. There aren’t any pictures.
Rage: WHY AREN’T WE THE TAG CHAMPS ALREADY?!
The sudden explosion catches Cage off-guard.
Cage: Warn me next time!
Rage: Sorry. It’s just so…stupid! Half of the teams are making their debut! The Dark Stars are fodder! This is a waste of our time! I could be at a climate change rally and be available remotely, which is the greenest way to get your message across in WUK! But do I get what I want? FUUUUUUUU-UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cage: It’s sad when bad things happen to good people. It’s like Gone in Sixty Seconds. My character didn’t want to steal those cars, but he had to save the dude from Sneaky Pete! It’s bullshit that we have to do this. I wish we could just skip the show.
Rage: What’d you say?
Cage: I wish we could skip the show.
Rage: Let’s do it!
Cage: Skip?
Rage: Yeah! It’ll be the people’s protest against WUK…NO, we’ll go on strike! We’ll show the elitists they can’t treat us like this.
Cage: I like it! We can get the Glucks in on it, too!
Rage: Man, fuck those guys. The hillbillies are too stupid to understand the complexity of our actions. Besides, once they win the belts, they can hand them over! You know, pay their dues to the High Rollers Club!
Cage: I haven’t felt this way since I read the script for Pig! I love this idea! We got nothing to prove. We’re the best in WUK whether we beat a bunch of losers or not!
Cage looks at his phone.
Cage: STRIKE 2023 IS ON!
The brothers high-five. Rage also looks at the camera.
Cage: We are the spirit of the High Rollers Club and WUK!
Rage: We are the anarchy that drives the Revolution as long as there is no oppression of marginalized groups!
Cage: Yeah! Margarine! Fuck butter!
Rage: By the way, June may be over, but we’re coming for anyone who still isn’t flying the rainbow flag of equality! And we mean the real flag! That means with black, brown, and light blue stripes! Fuck you and those seven-color flags of hate!
Cage: You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Rage: We got a lot of free time now, so you know we’ll find you! We’re not just going to be marching around with signs!
Cage: Multi-tasking!
Rage: And enjoy the win, Dark Stars!
Cage: Another word for “asshole”.
Rage: Rage and Cage pay our fair share and redistribute wins!
Cage: Tax the High Rollers Club…but not too much…
Rage: We pay it gladly! We understand that the poor immigrants from the future need our kindness and compassion. While we’re disheartened to learn that there are still gender differences in the future, we can be part of the change today!
Cage: Give whatever’s in your pocket!
Cage reaches down.
Cage: Whoa! I got multiple rolls of quarters!
Rage: Nic! They didn’t consent to see that!
Cage: It wasn’t in the camera!
Rage: Then they didn’t consent to see that suggested!
Cage: True. Anyway, we strikin’!