HAPPY BIRTHDAY XHF 🥳-Season 4 Finale

[Venom 🕷]

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BOOM! BANG! POW!

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The pyro is bigger, the crowd is louder, and the stands are packed to the rafters as GUNS is on the road in Minneapolis, Minnesota at the XHF’s flagship arena. We pan around the crowd and see signs of all types like “Happy birthday XHF,” “Nelly is an Angel,” “Magnus is my dad,” and the traditional “#FuckMongo” held up by an adorable five-year-old in a Florida Man mask. We cut to ringside where Tom Phillips and Magnus are dressed to the nines for this event.

Phillips: Though it is our season finale, GUNS tradition is to celebrate the birthday of the XHF. As a result, it's not all about GUNS.
Magnus: That's correct. We have many guest stars this evening, that we wouldn't normally allow within ten feet of our programs. And outside the XHF Arena doors, all weekend we have had a fan festival.
Phillips: All the stars were there to meet and greet the fans. Did you see Dinosaur Bones guessing people's weight, but only if they stood inside his mouth? Or the dunk tank with Randy Angel? What was in that water!  Or the bake sale to raise funds for restoring GUNS Arena - god I hope people like Mallobars.
Magnus: ...I can confirm from the funds raised, that they don't.  
Phillips: Ouch.
Magnus: Back to the drawing board on that front.  ...Or who could forget Marty Donovan's seven hour retirement ceremony.
Phillips: I'm going to miss Marty.
Magnus: ...Retirement ceremony specifically about GUNS. He's still everywhere else! He held a five, six hour ceremony to left everyone know he would never step foot in GUNS again.
Phillips: Kind of mean.  Seems like he could have sent that in an email.
Magnus: He wasn't here that often, so the four hour video tribute package kept recycling the same clips.  They are burned into my brain.
Phillips: At least no more outsiders like him and Tinto threatening the Phoenix this month.  ...except the DTF guy who holds it.
Magnus (trying to change the subject): I only mention the retirement, because he's the ONE STAR I know won't be a dream partner in our next contest.
Phillips: And what better way to show GUNS inclusive nature, are there even any GUNS stars in the next match?
Magnus: I'm hoping Dylan and Wombat were tapped for it, but with the minds choosing - its anyone's guess.

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TEXAS TORNADO DREAM PARTNER MATCH
Rival Recruiter Ozawa (GUNSish) & ? vs. Florida Man (J-RoK) & ?

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Magnus: One of the main rivalries playing out across GUNS this season has been between Double R Ozawa and J-RoK’s favourite drug dealer, Florida Man.
Phillips: That’s right Magnus, it goes all the way back to our Veteran’s Day special, when Florida Man started moonlighting YTA title defences on our shows.
Magnus: It was only a matter of time before Florida Man understandably tried to jump ships to GUNS, unfortunately for him a try out match on our Martin Luther King show against Ozawa led to Florida Man getting hired by J-RoK TWICE.
Phillips: Poor Florida Man, it could only happen to him. Maybe Dylan.
Magnus: When FML found out – at Tax Day - it took MOST of the locker room to keep the deranged meth enthusiast from strangling our rival recruiter.
Phillips: From there it escalated, with a lights out pole match on May the 4th – which then led to Rey’s Birthday, where Ozawa drugging Florida Man, and dragging the Epcot Mafia to Universal Studios for what has to be considered attempted homicide.
Magnus: It’s quite the way to go.
Phillips: Look at us with a storyline that has lasted for almost nine months because no one was paying attention. What will season 5 bring?

The camera cuts to Sylvia Starr in the ring. The former Banker’s Daughter is decked out in a red sequin dress – and has microphone at the ready.

Sylvia Starr: Ladies and gentlemen... the following contest is a TEXAS TORNADO DREAM PARTNER TAG MATCH! All competitors are allowed in the ring at the same time, with the contest continuing until a pinfall is made!

Phillips: Why do we still associate this match with Texas?
Magnus: Pretty sure Ozawa insisted on it, just to annoy the Floridian.
Phillips: That sounds like something he’d do.

Sylvia Starr: Entering first – coming to us from the proud city of Atlanta, Georgia – representing GUNS with all his heart... please give a warm round of applause for... RIVAL RECRUITER OZAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Would I Lie to You” by the Eurhythmics pumps over the PA system, as Rival Recruiter Ozawa steps through the back curtains. He is quickly followed by his J-RoK young lions, Daichi Endo and Kei Yamada, who are waving GUNS Flags like they support the hosting federation. The audience see through this pandering, recognizing that Ozawa’s heart lies with another federation, and quickly start pelting him with trash.

Phillips: I wonder who Ozawa’s dream partner will be? He has Endo and Yamada with him, but I expect more of a marquee player. Definitely J-RoK. Kira Izumi?
Magnus: After setting the Tokyo Dome blaze, apparently Kira lost his smile.
Phillips: Jesse Jamester?
Magnus: More of a fair weather J-RoK supporter. No, if I were a betting man, I’d say that Ozawa brought back the one star that is as popular in the J-RoK locker room as Ozawa himself is... STRiFE.
Phillips: That tracks.

Leaving his flag waving juniors at ringside, Ozawa enters the ring.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: GUNS NUMBER ONE!

This is met with a wave of garbage.

Magnus: Just to clarify, the trash is being thrown because Ozawa is disingenuous in his love of GUNS, not because the audience hates GUNS. Also they might be racist.
Phillips: Might?

Sylvia Starr: And his opponent... coming to us from J-RoK...

“WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT?”

Audience (clap back): CAKE!

“WHAT DOES EVERYBODY NEED?”

Audience (clap back): CAKE!

"WHO YOU GONNA GET IT FROM?"

Audience (clap back): Strangers in vans!

“THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE, SO IT’S A GOOD THING I BROUGHT THIS...”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XHF

A massive birthday cake is wheeled out on the entrance ramp. In huge letters “HAPPY BIRTHDAY XHF” has been iced into the twenty-foot structure. Along with a few hundred candles, Florida Man stands atop it.

Florida Man: Yo Magnus, I felt bad about ruining your cake last year – so I gotz you a new one!

Oh right, the one year anniversary of Florida Man and Zoran Sainovic brawling through the XHF Birthday cake in a way that made the message read as a derogatory statement about the owner just as Mongo was visiting. Magnus had blocked that episode from his memory. The PTSD kicks in hard with a full-on panic attack.

Florida Man: XHF ARENA – YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BEING ANNEXED INTO THE UNITED STATES OF FLOOOOOORIIIIIDAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Audience: YAY!

The Florida Man chants start even before the Ultimate Warrior charges out of the cake like some sort of tassel twirling stripper. The gator faced luchador slides down the cake so that he can jump on his bike and be carried down to the ring. Florida Man has recently been hanging out with Disney a lot, and they instilled the importance of bringing back IPs to assert copyright, less WCW try to rip-off his wheels. Sadly between Warrior and Florida Man, the inscription on the cake now reads:

FUCK MONGO

Phillips: Déjà vu.
Magnus: NO!

It's a callback joke that is apparently lost on a frantic Magnus.  The GUNS owner leaves the commentary booth, desperate to clean up the cake, in case Mongo actually watches this episode and sends them off network to... the bad lands.

Phillips: This is why we need security. As Magnus plays cake boss, Florida Man making his way to the ring. I wonder who would actually agree to tag with that live wire? During our Memorial Day show, Florida put up an impressive fight against Bloodied Fox... that suggested he was a NUMBER of XHF superstars under that mask. Is he Keith Williams? Then his partner could be Neo James Carner. If we think he’s Misha Constantine, then Brendan Harding would make an excellent partner... or Satan.  Could he be Congo - then Thob is in the cards!  If you think under that mask lurks Zoran Sainovic, then he’d probably do something sadistic like make Magn- OH NO, MAGNUS GET BACK ON COMMENTARY!

Magnus (trying to adjust the icing letters): How does it look?

It now reads:

RED WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Phillips: MAGNUS THAT IS HOW YOU GOT IN TROUBLE LAST TIME!
Magnus: What? (looks up) GOD DAMN IT! I WAS TRYING TO FIX IT!
Phillips: FORGET ABOUT THE PROPOSAL, GET BACK ON COMMENTARY BEFORE THEY MAKE YOU A TAG PARTNER.
Magnus: ON NO! (giving the ring the evil eye) They would too...

Looking terrified, Magnus tries to smear the icing – only to make the cake less of a marriage proposal and more sexually explicit. Still about Fury though. Shit. He wants to clean it up further, but the threat of tagging with Florida or Ozawa is too high, so he runs back to commentary.

Sylvia Starr: Florida Man... who is your tag partner?

Florida Man: GIVE A SUPERCALFRAGLISTIC HIIIIIIIIIGH FLORIDA NATION WELCOME TO...

DISNEY’S OWN – MARTY DONOVAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Something That I Want" by Grace Potter plays over the PA system as Marty Donovan steps out through the back dressed as Brutus from the Rescuers to compliment what he can only assume is Florida Man’s Nero. He poses for a second, before seeing the giant “RED WILL YOU F ME” plea cake next to him. Corporate is not going to like that imagery. Marty quickly starts slapping fans, of an audience that are pretty put out having sat through his retirement ceremony.

Phillips: Marty Donovan! Can you believe it? I thought he was retired!
Magnus: I distinctly remember sitting through a seven-hour ceremony, which ended LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO in which he retired from ever working in GUNS again.
Phillips: Wow, leave it to Marty to go back on his retirement promise the same night. Clearly paying a debt to Florida Man for sneaking him out of the Universal Studio show, because you KNOW he doesn’t want to be here.
Magnus: After Fury, Marty is the second worst Phoenix champion in the title’s GUNS history. And I’m counting all the knockoff versions! God I hope Ozawa has one of our own as his partners, he’s the closest thing to a GUNS star we have in this match... and he clearly isn’t.

Marty joins Florida in the ring, where Florida Man tries to do the Duck Soup mirror bit – because he has a hard time grasping that Marty’s questionable Rescuer villain cosplay isn’t a reflection.

Sylvia Starr: And Ozawa, who is YOUR partner?

The Rival Recruiter looks around for a moment, then smiles, leaning into the microphone.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: ...MARTY DONOVAN!

Phillips: WHAT!
Magnus: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Marty Donovan: I DIDN'T AGREE TO THAT!

Florida Man overreacts to this betrayal, doing a Home Alone screaming face at all four corners of the ring. Marty looks more than a little annoyed at Ozawa, who is cackling like a master criminal.

Phillips: Did he just RIVAL RECRUIT Marty?
Magnus: Ozawa’s name finally makes sense!
Phillips: Leave it to Marty to come out of retirement an hour after the fact not once but TWICE.

Marty Donovan (trying to calm Florida Man): I don’t know what he’s talking about, I’m not with him.

That seems reasonable.

So of course, Florida Man takes Marty’s head off with a lariat.

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TEXAS TORNADO DREAM PARTNER MATCH

Rival Recruiter Ozawa (GUNSish) & Marty Donovan (CAR)
vs.
Florida Man (J-RoK) & Marty Donovan (HKW)

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DING! DING! DING!

Magnus: How do you like that? It’s the Rising Sun Connection against the Epcot Mafia!
Phillips: Looks more like a three-way-dance than a tag contest...

Having taken Marty down with a cheap shot, Florida Man stomps a hole into his former tag partner. From behind Ozawa hits an especially low blow – then hits the equivalent of a Japanese armdrag on FML’s tail to take the larger monster down. In between kick away at Florida Man, Ozawa stops to check on his partner.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: Mister Donovan, I hope this will be the start of a beneficial working relationship-

Marty knocks Ozawa off his feet with a European uppercut, adjusts his jaw, then checks on Florida Man.

Marty Donovan: Will you listen, you psycho! I have no intention on tagging with that bastard, he tried to have me murdered by Fred Flintstone – let’s just double team him into the ground quickly, so I never have to step foot in GUNS again...

Is Marty getting through to the crazed Floridian?

Florida Man: Sorry Mar-

If Donovan was, it is short lived, as Ozawa hits a running kneelift to the back, which knocks Marty into Florida Man for an awkward avalanche.

Phillips: I thought Marty was speaking so plainly that even Florida Man could get it, but they are once again rolling around on the canvas at each other’s throats.
Magnus: A miscommunication on the part of the Epcot Mafia, and the Rising Sun Connection press the advantage.
Phillips: There aren’t two teams in there!
Magnus: I think I can tell how many teams are involved. GUNS KNOWS TAG WRESTLING!

FML and Marty roll around the canvas, jockeying for position as they trade rights and lefts. Both decked out as lizards, its like a green tumbleweed. On more than one occasion Ozawa has to leap frog over the brawl, to avoid being drawn into the action. Bloody and battered, it seems the Epcot Mafia will do his work for him. Then just as he leap frogs again, the green ball suddenly rolls back – and in-between punches, each active competitor grabs a leg – taking Ozawa over with a double legdrag – then holding on for...

Magnus: Epcot Mafia with a DOUBLE spinning leg lock!
Phillips: The veterans showing the kind of tag skills they are hoping will win them the WUK straps later in the month.
Magnus: Yeah, I can really see them working together again after this dumpster fire.

Seeing that Ozawa can no longer walk, the duo let go of the submission hold. Only Marty lets go first, and Florida Man starts to suspect that he broke the hold.

Florida Man: Just which Marty are you?

Marty Donovan: There is only ONE of me!

Florida Man (holding face in pain): Dang. Then (triple take) YOU HIT ME?

Marty Donovan (shoving him): YOU HIT ME FIRST YOU-

The duo start shoving each other, until eventually Florida goes for a roundhouse right, which Marty ducks, before hitting a slingblade. Trying to tire the raging Floridian out like an unspecified toddler, Marty nails a dragon suplex. He then starts climbing the corner for a high impact move, but he hasn’t started when Ozawa sneaks in for the cover.

Phillips: Ozawa trying to capitalize on the downed Floridian-

ONE!

TWO!

T-Marty pulls him off.

Magnus: That must be Hardkore World Marty.
Phillips: Pretty sure Marty doesn’t make a distinction.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa goes for an eye gouge on Donovan, only to have it blocked – and for him to be spun around for an inverted atomic drop. The force of the move sends Ozawa into the ropes, where he comes off to eat a rolling wheel kick. SMACK. ...with authority. As Ozawa crumples to the canvas with his eyes rolling into the back of his head, Marty decides to finish this with a Costa Pacifica Sunrise.

Magnus: There is no need for obscene gestures!
Phillips: I’m not even Phil Blauer!
Magnus: Marty off the top with his variation of a Panama Sunrise onto Ozawa-

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Phillips: NO ONE HOME!

Marty face plants on the canvas, knocking himself out, as Florida Man inadvertently pulls Ozawa out of harms way for an inside cradle.

Phillips: Florida Man with a pin-

ONE!

TWO!

THRE- kickout with enough force to send Florida Man off... onto the KO’d Marty for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE-Marty with a kickout!

Magnus: That was a close call for Florida Man, I’m pretty sure he was pinning his Marty Donovan – which would have resulted in a win for Ozawa.
Phillips: Texas Tornado wrestling matches give Texas Tornados a bad name... and the weather disaster actually kills people.
Magnus: This might kill someone yet.

Finding himself pinning his tag partner, Florida Man tries to help Marty up – only for Ozawa to deliver a forearm smash to the base of the neck with enough force to send FML into Marty. Florida steps on Marty’s crotch, and Marty instinctively tries to shove him off, only to accidentally turn it into a small package!

Magnus: SMALL PACKAGE!

ONE!

Phillips: Marty lets go because he wasn’t ACTUALLY trying to pin Florida Man-
Magnus: Florida Man’s Floridian mind doesn’t make the same distinction, reversing into a BIGGER SMALL PACKAGE!

ONE!

Phillips: Marty trying to tie up Florida Man to keep him from helping Ozawa out, but the struggle results in an inside cradle!

ONE!

Magnus: Proper gator wrestling – Florida Man goes for a death roll, HOLD HIS MOUTH SHUT, but simply succeeds in reversing into an inside cradle of his own!

ONE!

Phillips: Marty rolls back!

ONE!

Magnus: FML the larger of the two-

ONE!

Phillips: But Marty twisting it into a rana, hanging on for the makeshift pin-

ONE!

Magnus: Ozawa tries to help Marty hold Florida Man down, but eats an elbow for his assistance!
Phillips: The momentary distraction is all Florida needs for a clearly not on purpose victory roll!

ONE!

Magnus: But Ozawa pushes them the opposite way, so that now Marty is on top!

ONE!

Phillips: Not aware that he is being pinned, Florida Man just yanks out Ozawa’s ankles and powers through into a schoolboy on the third man-

ONE!

TWO!

Magnus: Referee Bart Barrington sees Marty letting go of the inside cradle, but counts it as him breaking up the schoolboy attempt.
Phillips: Really ref? Bad call!
Magnus: Florida Man raising his arms like he won, but Bart Barrington explaining-

Bart Barrington: No, the match continues, (pointing) Marty made the save.

Marty Donovan: No I didn’t!

Florida Man (hands on hips in frustration): Marty how could you!

Marty Donovan: He’s lying! I REALLY don’t want to be here!

Steam shooting out of his mask’s nostrils - Florida Man lets out a guttural roar in an ancient Floridian dialect, which is no doubt on the spectrum. Having seen this type of temper tantrum from Tinto every time Paw Patrol comes on TV, Marty starts to take a few steps back from the active volcano. The backpedal puts HKW Marty into the waiting hands of Ozawa, who promptly goes for a belly-to-back suplex!

Phillips: I know this one – belly to back?
Magnus: Yeah, Ozawa knows it too – but he doesn’t have the upper body strength to get Marty over!

Rage subsiding, Florida Man notices that his partner is in trouble, and makes the save!

Phillips: Wait, Florida Man grabbing Ozawa by the waist-

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Magnus: BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX TAKES OVER OZAWA, WHO TAKES OVER MARTY – both members of the Rising Sun Connection being dumped on their heads. Wow, a four-man suplex!
Phillips: Three-
Magnus: Florida Man picking Ozawa up for the MINDBLOWER-

ONE!

TWO!

THREE?

Phillips: Daichi Endo and Kei Yamada hit the ring with chairs – breaking the pin, and clobbering the hell out of Florida Man! Come on ref!
Magnus: Perfectly legal in a Texas Tornado match, which continues until there is a pin! Otherwise there are no rules! Not even holding it in Texas, apparently.
Phillips: Marty holding his head like he has a concussion- gets up, trying to save his partner from the J-RoK young lions!

Only Ozawa holds him back.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: I’m starting to wonder whose side you’re on!

Marty Donovan (pulling arm away): CLEARLY NOT YOURS! I’m starting to dislike you as much as I hate him (pointing at Florida Man) WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.

Turning his back on Ozawa, Marty pulls a chair out of Endo’s hand. Only for Ozawa to throw white powder in his eyes! Blinded, Marty starts swinging the chair for protection. Ozawa has to duck under six swipes, while trying to get closer.

Phillips: Marty unable to see from that powder!
Magnus: How unsportsmanlike can you get?

Florida Man throws a fistful of white powder in Yamada’s face – who is probably blinded, but also very happy.

Phillips: Flo with some powder of his own-
Magnus: Yeah, but that costs a lot more per kilo.

With Yamada tempting an overdose, Florida Man fights his way back up, knocking Endo off him with a GUNS FC special.

Florida Man: Don’t worry pal, I got your ba-

Reacting to noise because he can’t see, Marty BRAINS Florida Man with the chair!

#THWACK#

Phillips: Marty with a chair, and Florida down- here comes Ozawa for the cover-

ONE!

TWO!

TH-Yamada with a chair strike to break the pin, but Ozawa gets out of the way, leaving Florida Man to take it on the chin.

#THWACK#

Ozawa tries to go for another cover, but a furious, and possibly broken jawed, Florida Man shoves him off into Marty. Feeling the sensation of touch, Marty starts to swing his chair like he was Shohei Ohtani, reminding fans to watch Disney’s Angels in the Outfield. Ozawa scurries away, but each shot gets closer. Florida Man shoves Endo off him with an eye gouge, then starts to go after Yamada... only to realize it would be much funnier to send two blind men with chairs after each other. Like he wants to protect Marty, and win, but when is he going to get this opportunity again? Sneaking up behind Yamada, Florida Man shoves him towards Marty!

#THWACK#
#THWACK#
#THWACK#
#THWACK#

Phillips: Duelling chairs!
Magnus: With blind people!
Phillips: It’s amazing how often they’re connecting.
Magnus: Well Florida is guiding them... and Ozawa too now. Is this wrestling or chess?
Phillips: Whoa, pop a blue pill, Larry Z.
Magnus: Remind me to fire you.

Florida Man: More to the left! (to audience) AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AT ITS FINEST-

As FML starts barking out orders, both Marty and Yamada turn to the sound of his voice, and hit him with chairs at the same time.

Phillips: CONCHAIRTO!!!

The double chair shot leave Florida Man’s snout looking crushed. Ozawa starts to race for another cover, but he brushes past Marty, who promptly knocks him out with a chairshot.

Florida Man (staggering to his feet): U brk m ossss!

Marty Donovan (pointing to powder on face): I can’t see!

Florida Man (nodding in understanding, pulls out a water spray bottle): g’t ya. U- dis.

Forcing the spray into Marty’s hand, Florida Man lets his partner wash his eyes out.

Marty Donovan: *GOOFY FALLING ON HIS KEYS LIKE IT WAS A WORSE PAIN THAN CHILDBIRTH SHRIEK* WHAT THE HELL WAS THA-

Florida Man: W-en un GUNz – b AIR mA -Se.

Bear made.  Makes sense.  Is Florida Man the only sane person visiting GUNS?  Marty is less understanding.

#TWACK#

Florida Man was probably asking for that Marty chairshot.

Phillips: Marty Donovan finally able to see again, thanks to Florida Man.
Magnus: Though he looks like he wants to die, also because of Florida Man.

As Florida Man is knocked back into the waiting gang beating of young lions, Marty and Ozawa start to fight over the chair.

Phillips: Endo with a full nelson, using his voice to direct Yamada over-
Magnus: NO, Florida Man with a heel to the nads manages to slip out of the full nelson-

#TWACK#

Phillips: Yamada knocking out his fellow alleged J-RoK youth.
Magnus: And Florida Man with an OUTRAGEOUSLY HIGH ANGLED BACKDROP sends Yamada crashing into Endo.
Phillips: Now... hoping up and down on both men like they were a trampoline, while watching Marty and Ozawa fight.

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: Just think a win here could lead to contract opportunities... with promotions on the other side of the world!  JUST FOCUS ON THE MATCH!

The contract offers fall on deaf ears as the struggle for the chair continues.  Marty is clearly the stronger athlete, but he is having a hard time concentrating because of the bear mace. Having stomped the life out of the young lions, Florida Man bounces off of their corpses – and charges towards the actual legal competitors!

Rival Recruiter Ozawa: You could promote Disneyland in Japa-

Magnus: DOUBLE CLOSELINE FROM HELL!
Phillips: He damn near decapitated his own partner!
Magnus: I’d like to think it was the other Marty. And Florida hooking a leg of each man-

ONE!

TWO!

Marty gets his shoulder up!

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING! DING! DING!

Sylvia Starr: The winners of this TAG match... Marty Donovan and Florida Man – THE EPCOT MAFIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magnus: So J-RoK and HKW or CAR get a win... I’d like to point out that if Ozawa was actually a GUNS wrestler, this would be a very different match!
Phillips: What a war! Maybe the best three-way-dance we’ve ever had at an XHF Birthday show.
Magnus: Only it was a tag match!

Florida Man: E di id, chu- Amp!

Marty Donovan (wiping his red eyes): LOSE MY NUMBER YOU EVIL BASTARD!

The audience is cheering. Everyone is happy. Why is Marty not thrilled with their victory? Florida Man is a great reader of rooms, so it doesn’t take looking at the red eyes long to realize what the score is. Fixing his snout so he can enunciate properly, Florida Man address the crowd.

Florida Man: All right, all right, all right – appreciate the love, XHF. Just a heads up – Marty’s better half just dumped his ass, but he doesn’t want you to think he’s crying over that B – hells to the no – the tears you see are because of bear mace! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!

No one believes Florida Man, and immediately think that Marty Donovan has feelings. Could it get anymore humiliating? FML tries to raise Marty’s hand, only to have it pulled away.

Marty Donovan: GO TO HELL.

How can he get his partner in a winning spirit? Oh right. Florida Man starts stomping his foot on the canvas. Dis... ney. Dis... ney. Dis… ney. Dis…ney. Pretty soon the crowd is chanting along with him. DISNEY! DISNEY!

Marty Donovan: Damn it...

Marty can’t stay mad when there is a photo op to promote the house of mouse. It’s legally in his contract. Florida Man raises Marty Donovan’s arm, for his official LAST MATCH in GUNS – as the crowd go wild.

Florida Man: If this really is your last GUNS match... it’s been a blast... wish I could wrestle for GUNS like you do. But either way, WE’LL SEE Y’ALL NEXT SEASON!

Marty Donovan (trying to pull his arm away): No we wo-

Too late, the Disney chant has spoken.

Phillips: What a great team - I wonder if we'll see more of the Epcot Mafia at Marty and Tinto's Birthday Bash in August?
Magnus: Probably, whether Marty likes it or not.
Phillips: If him and Deacon are still tag champions, maybe Marty and Florida can challenge them then?
Magnus: Well Marty is his own worst enemy... other than Florida Man that is.  
Phillips: It's what they have in common.
Magnus: Speaking of cakes, if you’ll excuse me I have a cake to deface-

The camera pans from the uneasy celebration of the Epcot Mafia to the giant novelty cake, which now reads:

TINTO WAS HERE

Perhaps the child wanted to promote his birthday special in August?  ...At least the above is what he would have written if Tinto could spell, but the precocious child has accidentally written:

ZORAN IS THE BEST 

Total accident, even if he is the best Disney Princess.  Still the Final Boss' presence is felt in this last GUNS show of the season.  Even if he doesn't make an appearance, the very fact that GUNS Arena currently threatens to fall in a pit, is all the climax he needs.

Magnus: How does the icing in the letters allow themselves to be manipulated into so many unfortunate variations?
Phillips: Because the cake hates you, Magnus.
Magnus: ...Yes, I see that now.

The shot fades to a big birthday cake with two candles on top of it, reading the number "21." A lighter comes on screen and lights the candles. A familiar voice speaks from offscreen.

Dylan: Oh XHF... it wouldn't be a GUNS Show, an XHF Birthday Special, without the greatest asset known to these fabled Atlantean lands.

Dylan steps onto the screen, wearing a GUNS shirt. He smiles for the camera.

Dylan: I think it stands to reason that I have been an integral part of GUNS for the last two years. Season 3 opened with my defiant defeat in the match that would inspire the Oh Violent Night. Season 3 ended with the bitter end to the feud between myself and the ghost of Venom, the demon known as Christine. And throughout Season 4, I became the Heart of GUNS and worked with an elite taskforce including Zoran Sainovic and Bloodied Fox to make sure the X*Crown stays in the place where the greatest underappreciated network stars reside.

He winks.

Dylan: This run in GUNS has reinvigorated my passion for wrestling. I've felt nothing but joy kicking ass, making friends, making enemies... making Super Frenemies...

Beat. He pulls a glass of a golden liquid out and raises it to the camera.

Dylan: This season has been great guys. Here's to many more.

Dylan blows the candles out leaving the feed in darkness. But his voice speaks out once more.

Dylan: Oh, and in the spirit of XHF... Fuck Mongo.

Fin.

Sylvia Starr: Ladies and gentlemen... the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the XHF Phoenix Championship!

BEEEEEEEEEEEF

Rings out over the P.A. System followed by the sounds of “ATliens” by OutKast. As the song breaks in BEEF jumps out from behind the curtain landing with a thud that rings out throughout the XHF arena. The big man poses for the crowd, showing off his XHF Phoenix championship belt. He doesn’t interact with the fans, but gives them a smile until he reaches the ring. Once there he shows off his athleticism by leaping up into the ring apron. He surveys the ring before stepping through the ropes and posing for the crowd one more time in the center of the ring.

Sylvia Starr: The champion comes to us from Atlanta, Georgia – stands at 6’2” and weighs 320lbs – please give a warm round of applause for BEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!

Magnus: You know between Redmond and Marty Donovan, our premier singles championship was starting to look like it might not one day be included in the X*Crown – I’m so relieved to have BEEF restoring its lustre.
Phillips: Well he’s going to have his work cut out for him at Night of Champions against the man that many feel he stole the title from, your ex-husband.
Magnus: The verdict is still out on that pairing going down, last I heard, Redmond was rotting in some pit. Still, it’s a testament to BEEF’s fighting champion status that with NOC around the corner he would still defend here tonight.
Phillips: Who do you have lined up against him? Last year’s Fury/Bones cage match is going to be a tough Birthday match to follow.
Magnus: I think we found a suitable barnburner.

Sylvia Starr: And his opponent... already in the ring... Assistant Zamboni Bandit!

Phillips: Really?
Magnus: WHAT?

---

XHF PHOENIX CHAMPIONSHIP

BEEF (c) vs. Assistant Zamboni Bandit

---

DING! DING! DING!

Magnus: There’s the bell – these two titans circling each other, trying to assess strengths and weaknesses.
Phillips: There is like a two hundred pound weight difference.
Magnus: Yes, how will the champion possibly defend himself against the spry and speedy AZB?
Phillips: I imagine like swatting a fly.
Magnus: So negative! It’s attitudes like yours that have kept AZB an assistant.
Phillips: BEEF calling for a test of strength, and Assistant responding by... starting up her imaginary Zamboni machine. She’s making the backing up beep noises with her mouth.
Magnus: Oh no, she’s going to run him over! How do you like that Mister “weight difference,” why she’s packing a good two tons of imaginary ice smoother!
Phillips: How did you choose her for-
Magnus: BEEF takes her head off with a closeline! ...Incidentally that was an expression, just to clarify her head is still on her shoulders, barely.
Phillips: The pin is academic. 1. 2. 3!

DING! DING! DING!

Sylvia Starr: Your winner and STILL GUNS Phoenix Champion, BEEF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phillips: We’re going to need a stretcher-
Magnus: If you’ll excuse me.

*BUMP*

Removing his headset, Magnus enters the ring to raise the champion’s hand.

Magnus: I think I’ve seen all I need to... if that’s the kind of MILLION STAR CLASSIC that BEEF here could get out of Assistant Zamboni Bandit... then it seems to be that at Night of Champions... imagine how great a match he could have against ACTUAL ZAMBONI BANDIT!!!!!!!!!

Being located at XHF Arena, instead of the GUNS Arena – BEEF doesn’t have the hometown pep, neither does Magnus. So the crowd get pretty vocal about the match they’ve already been promised. For his part, BEEF also seems to be questioning the play – wanting to put the final nail in his nemesis’ coffin.

#AWWOOOOOOOOO#

A dozen Shelats charge out of the back, dragging the broken remains of a TIE fighter like a sled. Apparently they pulled it all the way from the Sarlacc Pit in Georgia. Riding on the back of this bizarre sci-fi rig is the hooded figure of a man who has spent the past two months surviving inside the Sarlacc. Who knows what misadventures got him to his current state? As there were less shows than expected to play it out on. As the sled pulls up to ringside, the hooded figure enters the ring. Magnus is already cursing under his breath before the rags are pulled back to reveal the Buckeye Bruiser.

Redmond Fury: Magnus. Despite (eyes narrow at BEEF) certain characters... I am alive... and well... and WALKING. So with apologies to the Zamboni Bandit - at Night of Champions, GUNS Nation can look forward to ME tenderizing your lapdog.

Beef is incensed, and ready to brawl, but Magnus stands between the two.

Magnus: Redmond, you can walk again? Well keep on walking! The last time we saw you, you weren’t physically fit to have a GUNS contract, let ALONE challenge the greatest physical specimen on the Network for our gold!

The crowd turn on Magnus pretty fast. Damn it. Why couldn’t they hold this at GUNS Arena?

Magnus (pulling a piece of paper out of his coat pocket): You want the shot? Prove it. Earn it! I have the Phoenix NOC contract right here. If you really think you have what it takes to challenge BEEF... I’ll give you a chance to win it.

Redmond Fury (starring a hole through Beef): Nothing can stop this from happening.

Magnus: Very well. You want it- all you have to do is... beat UrsusLa!

As Fury V-lines to grab the contract, Magnus quickly hands it to referee Bart Barrington. The referee tucks the contract away, and Fury’s fate is sealed. GUNS Owner and DTF superstar quickly exit the ring, as a ravenous grizzly bear pushes through the back curtains. Another bump sound alters viewers that Magnus has re-joined commentary, while BEEF poses with his championship on the timekeeper’s table.

Phillips: How could you?
Magnus: He asked for it.
Phillips: But forcing him to fight against his tag partner, his best friend, the bear that ate him and he spent eight months inside of...
Magnus: Yeah, they’re real chummy... but I wonder if she’ll even recognize him after his latest ordeal.

---

NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS NO 1. CONTENDER MATCH

Redmond Fury vs. UrsusLa

---

Animal handlers corral the grizzly bear into the ring, with heavy security on hand. The audience, who are firmly on Team Fury, do not help the body builder by throwing trash, insults, or even taking flash photography of the animal – who seems ready to snap. The snarling shelats are also kicking instincts into gear – with the grizzly looking ready to chow down on the first human it gets close to.

DING! DING! DING!

Loud ring bell courtesy of BEEF, and it’s on.

Phillips: I can’t watch.
Magnus: That’s all right; I’m PVRing this moment!
Phillips: Think rationally Magnus, you lost so much money the last time you fed your ex-husband to this bear!
Magnus: You can’t get blood from a stone! CHOW DOWN!

The bear sharpens its claws on the ring post. Fury looks very conflicted about this contest, but doesn’t have a choice.

Magnus: It strikes me that this time we should run weekly endoscopies on UrsusLa, to chart Fury’s adventure through her stomach in real time.
Phillips: Jesus.

The bear and man finally meet up in the middle of the ring.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Magnus: WHAT!
Phillips: BODYSLAM HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!
Magnus: Ursusla is like THREE TONS, there is no way Fury could get her up – she just fell over on purpose!
Phillips: That’s preposterous- BIG LEG DROP!
Magnus: WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUC-

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING! DING! DING!

Magnus: -KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkk-NOOOOOooooooo!

Sylvia Starr: The winner of this match... GOING ONTO NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS TO CHALLENGE BEEF – REDMOND FURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UrsusLa immediately sits up from the devastating leg drop, almost like she threw the match on purpose.

Magnus: THOSE MONSTERS ROBBED THE FANS OF A REAL CONTEST!
Phillips: Listen to those cheers, the fans don’t seem to mind!
Magnus (loud enough so Fury can hear): THAT IS UNSPORTMANLIKE!

Redmond Fury (grabbing the contract from Barrington): SHE’S NOT A SPORTSMAN!

The beer snorts at Magnus indignantly, which really burns him, because bears should like him more!

Redmond Fury (pulling out a pen): I’ll just add my name here to make it official... and while I have this document... what the hell... might as well make it a...

The camera pulls in on a tight close-up of BEEF’s face as his eyes bulge out.

Redmond Fury (scribbling down a stipulation): MURDER HORNET DEATH MATCH!

Phillips: WHOA! BEEF HATES BEES!
Magnus: Everyone does!
Phillips: AND MURDER HORNETS ARE LIKE THEM, BUT SO MUCH WORSE!
Magnus: You’re enjoying this way too much!

Beef slumps down to his knees.

Magnus (yelling at security): WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR – RIP UP THAT CONTRACT!

---

SORE LOSER’S BALL

Bear with Me (Redmond Fury & UrsusLa) vs. 100 Security Guards

---

No sooner does security start hitting the ring, then UrsusLa starts busting out her moonsaults. For his part, Fury uses the opportunity to bust out some pec pops – punching guards out with his pectoral muscles. The sheer mass of bodies moves up the entrance way, but looks more a more like a Musou video game for all the security guards left in bloody lumps. By the time the duo make their way up to the entrance curtains, there isn’t a security guard left in the building.

Redmond Fury: BEEF – I thought your name meant you were a slab of meat, but now I realize that it's prophesying you getting F’d by a BEE! SEE YOU AT NOC! HAPPY BIRTHDAY XHF!

The crowd cheer as Bear with Me pose for a few more pictures before leaving.

Phillips: It looks like on top of getting prepared for Cruiserfest, El Rey is also going to have to get BEEF over his fear of bees.
Magnus: That stipulation will never happen; everyone knows that Kanyon exterminated the Murder Hornets.
Phillips: You believe everything the government tells you?
Magnus: THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME.
Phillips: ...And with our heroes’ departure, it looks like we won’t have security for the rest of the night.
Magnus: What’s the worst that can happen?
Phillips: Really?
Magnus: ...damn it.

Voiceover: Ya wanna know what dreams are? They’re what keeps you going at night, when day-after-day you live waiting for the call…for your moment to shine. We’d lost all of that, just ask Johnny Cobb…or Harsh Winter Pilgrim, they’d lost hope. Progress in GUNS is being fed to Dino Bones and that’s if you’re lucky. If you get the word from the man up the Apples, you could be forced to make Marty look good or wrestle a metallic cyborg who’s responsible for the deaths of thousands in Asia…but if you don’t get the Apple TV Assassin, you get Dylan Black…

We fade into the backstage area which sees people milling around like a busy Victorian London street.

Newspaper Boy: GET YA PAPER! OVERHEATED SET TO FEATURE TERRIBLE WRESTLERS! READ ALL ABOUT IT! MONGO FALLS OFF!

A man throws a coin at the boy’s feet and snatches a paper as he walks past him. We track the man but stop as we hear the rhythmic sounds of horsehair on leather. Sitting on his shoeshine block is noneother than “The Polisher” Murray Monroe, his head down and cap obscuring his face.

Murray Monroe: We all wanted to dream, all wanted to be a part of the show…that was why we were here. Sold on the dream that one day we’ll be remembered with the Borgs, the Bears and people like Dylan Black, El Combatiente and even Rob Arnold but what happened to that dream?

(BEAT)

Murray Monroe: We got sold down the river! Mugged off like some two-bit plum! That’s why I’m not standing for it. You know how much people talk when I’m shining their shoes? How lax they get with their discretion because they think I’m just some moron who won’t remember or realize the significance of what they say? Now it’s time for me to have my say…

THE POLISHED TRUTH WITH MURRAY MONROE

Murray Monroe: Let’s start with where Magnus buried the push of Jesse Jamester. It all started way back last season wi-

MONROE IS BODIED OFF-CAMERA BY MR BLOBBY! The GUNS Tag-Team and Gentlemens Pairs Champions wear their two-belts proudly. Noel Edmonds takes center stage.

Noel Edmonds: One week, El Rey, that’s all you’ve got left with that belt until I take that away from you and you’re left with nothing but a dry-cleaning bill for the blood and tears I’ll leave in your mask. I have twice the right that you do to walk into Night of Champions with my head held high….

Murray makes feeble noises as he tries to get up. Edmonds leaps in the air and drives a boot into his skull in a lazy Curb Stomp.

Noel Edmonds: Look at me, I have two belts. I am TWICE the wrestler you are! Just look at my face, why do you hide yours in a mask? I am the visage you wish you saw in the mirror but instead it’s just El Rey, the little Luchador who could. I AM A COLLOSUS!

Monroe stirs once more off-camera. Noel leans over him and launches a huge spitball at him.

Noel Edmonds: Night of Champions, El Rey, I’m coming for that belt. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Edmonds and Blobby exit the shot. The camera crew start to turn the other way.

Murray Monroe: What about my time to shine? MY TIME TO SHINE!!!!!!!!

Phillips: Next up is a match a whole season in the making.
Magnus: That’s right Tom. Venom decided for some reason we needed a Junior Heavyweight Division when what we really needed was a TV themed division.
Phillips: We do have a lot of television themed competition, but that’s not the way he went. Nelly has known he was the final boss in this gauntlet. He’s had the time to study and prepare while El Rey has had to fight tooth and nail to get here.
Magnus: The time to prepare could help the wiley veteran Nelly, but El Rey is young and each match makes him better. This could go either way.

The guitar riffs starting out "La Di Da" by Jet ring out as out from the back walks Nelly Angel with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship around his waist. The defiant tone of the song is reflected in his face as he looks down to the ring and the audience, some of whom are holding "#NellyisaHeel" signs. Once he's done scanning the arena he shakes his head, chuckles and smiles to himself. The 20 year ring veteran makes his walk down to the ring, climbs the stairs, and from the ring apron climbs onto the turnbuckle and holds the belt up before jumping off the corner into the ring, ready to start things off.

Phillips: Nelly is what we call a XHF original. He’s been around since the very beginning and he’s a four time XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion. Adding first GUNS Junior Heavyweight Champion would be quite the feather in his cap.
Magnus: It sure would. I’ve seen Nelly in the back many times this season and all he’s been focused on is this matchup, even though I keep asking him to interview someone for once.

“HOOOOOOOOOOOOWL”

“All rise fore the king of all wolves now arrives.”

The voice of James Earl Mother Fucking Jones echos over the speakers. How did he get James Earl Jones to say that? It wasn’t a Cameo I’ll tell you that and it cost a pretty penny. Shortly after James Earl Jones speaks Big Sean’s “Wolves” begins to play. El Rey strolls onto the stage wearing the mask he stole off of the head of El Combatiente. He looks around soaking up there surroundings before ripping the mask off of his head and revealing his cocky smirk he inherited from his father. He strolls down the ramp ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans until he reaches the ring. At ringside he leaps up onto the apron and then over the ropes and spins around in the ring with his arms outstretched. He spins around a couple times and then moves to the corner waiting for the match to begin.

Phillips: This all started as a test for El Rey from his dad. Win or lose tonight you’ll have to believe that the young man has passed the test.
Magnus: You’d think so. Since Venom laid down this gauntlet El Rey has not only beaten every competitor thrown at him to this point, but he won the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship along the way as well.
Phillips: And that’s why you’ve gotta believe he passed the test.
Magnus: Yeah, but if he doesn’t win tonight you know he’ll never let it go.

---

GUNS Junior Heavyweight Championship
GUNS Gauntlet Final
Nelly Angel vs El Rey

---

The ref calls for the bell and Nelly Angel the goodie two shoes that he is holds his hand out for a shake. El Rey looks his opponent up and down and slaps his hand and begins circling the former announcer. Nelly follows suit circling as well. Both men looking for an opening and El Rey dives in for a single leg, but Nelly avoids. Back up to his feet quickly El Rey again begins to circle mimicking Nelly now. El Rey quickly feigns a takedown attempt and when Nelly goes to avoid El Rey nails him with a back elbow. El Rey laughs as Nelly grabs his mouth and takes a step back. Nelly quickly recovers and comes back with a lock up. The two fight around the ring pushing each other back and forth until El Rey gets the upper hand and forces Nelly into a hammer lock. El Rey slaps Nelly on the back of the head to make a joke at his opponent. Nelly slaps at his shoulder then drops down and flips El Rey over and Nelly turns it into a hammer lock of his own. El Rey tries the same maneuver as Nelly, but the veteran drops low and avoids it while still maintaining the hammer lock. El Rey moves around trying to get loose and finally succeeds when he goes to the ropes and Nelly goes flying to the outside.

Phillips: Nelly proving he’s the wiley vet, but El Rey getting the advantage with a veteran move of his own.

Nelly stumbles up to his feet after the crash to the outside and turns back to the ring just in time to be nailed by El Rey flying through the air with a step up tope con hilo that wipes him out. El Rey leaps up to his feet to a mixed reaction from the crowd who are amazed by the move, but generally don’t like the youngster. El Rey turns his attention back to Nelly and pulls him up to his feet. Nelly eats a stiff chop to the chest from his young opponent. Nelly lets out a gasp in pain and El Rey grabs the vet by the wrist and whips him into the barricade. El Rey charges in after with a running knee to the chest. El Rey throws his arms up in triumph as Nelly slumps down to the floor.

Magnus: Just like that this seems over. Nelly has been destroyed.
Phillips: It’s still early and Nelly knows how to fight from behind. He’s been doing it his whole career.

El Rey taunts the crowd causing an eruption of boos from the crowd. El Rey smirks in delight as he reaches down and pulls Nelly up to his feet. El Rey yells into his opponents face and whips him towards the ring steps, but El Rey waited too long and Nelly had time to recover and reverse the whip. El Rey is sent running towards the ring steps, but El Rey leaps up at the last second and lands on the top of the steps. Nelly looks on in shock as El Rey moonsaults and takes out Nelly.

Magnus: The kid is resilient and he is not letting up.

El Rey quickly rolls Nelly back in the ring and measures his opponent. He thinks long and spring boards up and spins with a 450 splash on Nelly. El Rey holds on for the cover 1…2…Nelly rolls his shoulder at the last moment. El Rey pounds his fist on the mat in frustration and pulls Nelly up to his feet with him. El Rey slaps Nelly with a chop and then whips Nelly into the ropes. El Rey lowers his head for a back body drop, but Nelly leaps over. El Rey turns back around to Nelly hitting the ropes and then leaping up with a huge drop kick that sends El Rey stumbling backwards into the ropes in a sitting position. Nelly measures up his opponent and runs and nails him with a driving knee into the ropes.

Phillips: Nelly has quickly turns this around and the Vet is in charge.
Magnus: El Rey has really taken the a lump here, but he’s been in worse situations.

Nelly quickly pulls El Rey up into a headlock and he calls for the end. Nelly leaps up and over for The Exclusive, but El Rey pulls his head free and kicks back with a mule kick right into the bean bags. The ref doesn’t see it and El Rey quickly rolls Nelly up in a small package 1…2…NO! Nelly rolls it into a pining predicament of his own 1…2…3!
Sylvia Starr: Winner and the FIRST EVER GUNS Junior Heavyweight Champion, Nelly Angel.

Magnus: What?
Phillips: Nelly Angel has done it. He’s the first GUNS Junior  Champion.
Magnus: What just happened!

El Rey is beside himself. He has no idea what is going on as Nelly is handed the GUNS Junior Heavyweight Championship. Nelly climbs up the turnbuckles and raises the championship to the crowd to a huge reaction as El Rey rolls out of the ring in shame.

"You have chosen The Lament Configuration..."

The harsh electronic beats and screeched vocals of Vore by Sleep Token slam into the speakers as the X*Crown champion Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain, drawing thunderous boos from the crowd.

Magnus: The fans really should be more respectful of our X*Crown champion, especially given how he heroically kept Death Trap from taking the belt to CAR at our last show!
Phillips: Starting the sucking up campaign to stop him signing elsewhere during GUNS’ off-season early?
Magnus: Shut up Tom… but yes.

Fox simply smiles at the less than warm reception he’s receiving, rolling into the ring, microphone in hand. He waits a moment for the fans to quieten down, then when they don’t just starts talking anyway.

Fox: You can call me whatever you want, but you cannot call me a liar. I said that Death Trap would not be able to save himself when he stepped into that ring with me, and sure enough…

He points to the GUNStron, which shows the events post-referee’s stoppage of the main event. The crowd’ anger redoubles as they are shown Fox nearly stabbing DT in the throat, only to be stopped by the intervention of Mistress Discipline. Despite having just replayed evidence of attempted murder, Fox chuckles.

Fox: I walked into the temple of TERFdom and I didn’t just beat you; I nearly ended your career! Guess you can count yourself lucky your wife has the guts you lack, DT, though even she wasn’t brave enough to face me. Now I have to wait to see who makes it through Overheated to challenge at Night of Champions.

The crowd does pop for the mention of the premier even in the XHF’s calendar, then immediately overwhelmingly starts chanting for BEEF, still a GUNS favourite in spite of being DTF’s rep. Fox simply smirks at the reaction.

Fox: I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Even if he gets past Lord Dominicus’ overabundance of luck, I’ve dealt with enough lumbering lummoxes in my time that BEEF doesn’t have a hope.

Magnus: Normally I’d disagree, but BEEF ran off and abandoned us for DTF so I’m entirely in agreement with Fox.
Phillips: You don’t handle rejection well, do you?
Magnus: Do you?
Phillips: Nothing rohypnol can’t fix.

As Magnus considers how to get ahead of Tom’s inevitable criminal charges, Fox continues.

Fox: Let’s be honest, none of the eight wrestlers in Overheated have a hope against me. Nevertheless I’m feeling generous. Rather than stay fresh, if anyone wants to come out for a spar now I promise I’ll go easy on them.

Magnus: How magnanimous! Fox is going to put on a show for the fans, in street clothes even!

Setting the mic down, Fox pulls off his hoody and waits for an answer. Moments later he gets one… just not the one he expected.

The crowd goes wild as CAR’s own Armbishi makes his way out.

Phillips: The XHF’s one and only licentious lycanthrope is here!
Magnus: I think the only person more surprised than me is Fox.

Indeed, the X*Crown champion looks utterly baffled as Armbishi makes his way down the ramp, looking nervous yet determined. After a polite wave to the cheering fans, the werewolf rolls into the ring and picks up the discarded microphone.

Armbishi: Foxy, I not here to fight you; we all know that’s a match you’d win. I’m here to try and talk to you, to try and get you to stop.

The fans cheer for the noble sentiment, while Fox simply scowls at him.

Armbishi: I know you’ve been hurt. I know you feel angry. You feel like no-one cared about you beyond what they could get from you. You have every right to be upset, but this isn’t the answer.

Fox looks away, his expression hard to read.

Armbishi: You’ve every right to beat people up in matches. I’m not going to criticise you for cheating in matches, given I’m part of a cult that tried to summon the elder gods only to pivot to motor racing because the ritual went wrong and we got a living eldritch abomination of a car instead. But trying to stab people?

Magnus: Sentences like that remind me that the XHF is a very strange place.
Phillips: Having a title exclusively for bears doesn’t?
Magnus: Bears have a key part in the history of wrestling, Tom! Show some respect!

Armbishi: Foxy, please. You know I care about you. You and your husband have shared my bed. You’re godfather to my son. I… I don’t want to lose you.

There’s a moment of silence as the crowd wait with bated breath. Fox turns his face back towards the pleading werewolf, tears visible in his eyes. His own eyes welling up, Armbishi steps forward and hugs his friend. The crowd exhales in a joyful cheer…

~SPLUTCH!!!~

…only for it to die in their throats as Armbishi’s eyes go wide in shock and he staggers back, looking down stunned at the knife now sticking in his belly.

Magnus: …Wow.
Phillips: Gonna defend this, Magnus?
Magnus: Too soon, Tom! Don’t politicise the tragedy!

Shaking his head sadly, Fox deftly catches the mic as it slips from Armbishi’s trembling paw.

Fox: Oh my pretty wolf. Maybe if you’d come sooner. Maybe while there was still someone left to save… but it’s too late now. Far too late.

The crowd now near rabid in their hatred, screaming themselves hoarse with obscenities, Fox reaches over and pulls the knife out, Armbishi keeling over as he clutches at the wound whimpering. Medical staff come rushing out, Fox leaning back in the corner, calmly surveying them as they attend to his victim.

Phillips: This is madness! Someone has to stop Fox!
Magnus: Who did you have in mind, Tom?
Phillips: Him?
Magnus: Who?

Tom points up the ramp as the audience cheer in relief as none other than Brendan Harding comes barrelling down to the ring. The moment or two it takes him to get round the medics to get a clear line of attack on his estranged husband is just long enough for Fox to slip out of the ring and jump the barricade, battering a path through the fans towards higher ground. As he makes it to clear space, having done enough assaulting to cow the surrounding fans into standing back, he turns to face the ring, where Brendan has grabbed the microphone and stands on the turnbuckles, his face a mask of utter rage.

Harding: PETER!!! I SWEAR YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT IT TAKES! I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE TITLE! AS MY LAST ACT OF LOVE I WILL WIPE THE MONSTER YOU’VE BECOME FROM THE FACE OF THIS EARTH!!!

Looking about one step shy of a full mental breakdown, he tosses the mic as hard in Fox’s direction as he can, KOing an unlucky fan, before slumping down into the corner and burying his face in his hands. Fox, meanwhile, slinks away.

Magnus: Well, I… ah… have no idea how to comment on all that.
Phillips: What about “Please, no-one sue us!”?
Magnus: …Sure, that works.
Phillips: Eh, sometimes.

As the music hits the lights dim and a spotlight hits the stage. Slowly El Combatiente walks out with his face wrapped in bandages. He looks around at the crowd and throws up his arms to a huge pop from the Atlanta crowd. El Combatiente lowers his arms and sprints to the ring and slides in. He leaps to his feet and spins around to another huge pop from the crowd. He looks around at the tower around him and begins surveying the structure while he waits for his nemesis.

Phillips: El Combatiente is all business here tonight.
Magnus: Are we sure that’s El Combatiente? The El Combatiente I knew was just Venom in a mask.
Phillips: Do you not watch any Network Programming?
Magnus: If it’s not GUNS it ain’t worth my time.
Phillips: Well you’ve missed a lot. This El Combatiente is a former World Champion, tag champion, and DOOM Metal champion.
Magnus: Isn’t that a loser title?
Phillips: That you know.

Black spiders fill the screen until it is completely covered in black, then one spider leaps towards the screen and leaves bite holes in the screen and at the spider bits the screen blue flaming pyros shoot from the stage and Kane Brown’s “Bury me in Georgia” begins to play.

Venom walks out on stage and poses for the crowd. The local crowd cheers the local boy with the local song, but doesn’t hit nearly as loud as they did for the masked man. Venom slowly makes his way to the ring. Once he breaks the boarder of the ringside area the tower begins to lower. He walks up the ramp and immediately begins staring down his masked foe.

Phillips: Ominous entrance change by the XHF legend.
Magnus: It may seem ominous, but if anyone knows what could happen to you in a tower match it’s Venom.
Phillips: That’s right. He has fought in this monstrosity before.
Magnus: That’s right Tom, and then he lost to his brother-in-law and lost his XHF contract.
Phillips: He’s lucky he didn’t lose his life.
Magnus: Just the mobility in his neck for a year.

---

XHF Tower Grudge Match
El Combatiente Mask on the line
El Combatiente (Venom) vs El Combatiente (Bandaged)

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El Combatiente and Venom stare at one another, as Venom begins to walk to the other side of the ring to slide in. El Combatiente gets off the turnbuckle and the two men stare at one another and both walk up to the center of the ring. No words are spoken as the intensity fills the Tower. Both men take a step back and look around at the Tower, looking around at the monster both men will be fighting in. Venom turns back to EC and steps up to him and pounds his chest screaming at El Combatiente, who just stares back at Venom. EC lets out a small laugh, which angers Venom. Venom shakes his head and then slaps El Combatiente across the face, and the two begin trading punches to one another. EC gets Venom into a corner with punches and sends a straight kick to the stomach, before grabbing his wrist and tossing him to the ropes on the opposite side. Venom bounces off the corner and EC runs towards him and knocks him down with a clothesline. Venom rolls out of the ring and El Combatiente shoots up to his feet and screams at Venom, the anger now being unleashed from El Combatiente.

Phillips: El Combatiente is a bottle of anger here early. Not something you usually see from the masked man.
Magnus: Good. Succumb to your anger. Join the dark side.

Venom stares at EC from outside of the ring as EC motions to him to get back in the ring. Venom slides in and once again both men begin sending punches to one another, and EC gets Venom at the ropes. EC goes to whip Venom to the ropes across from him, but Venom reverses and sends EC into them. Venom bends over going for a back body drop, but EC stops in front of him and kicks Venoms face, forcing Venom to stumble back. EC runs to the ropes to the side of Venom and goes for a clothesline, but Venom ducks and EC runs to the ropes. On the ropes Venom leaps up and sends a calf kick to El Combatiente, sending him down to the mat. Venom immediately gets up and begins stomping on El Combatiente, before lifting him up and sending European uppercuts, sending EC to the ropes. Venom sends hard chops and kicks EC in the stomach, bending him over. Venom grabs the stomach of EC and puts him to his side and lifts him up, and slams him down hard with a gutwrench suplex. EC is sat down and Venom goes to strike for the neck, trying to injure El Combatiente’s neck. El Combatiente begins climb up to his feet and sends elbows into the stomach of Venom, forcing him off. EC grabs the hand of Venom and trips him down to his back before leaping up and driving his knee into Venom’s arm. Venom screams in pain as EC holds onto the arm and then drops a leg drop before applying a legs scissors. Venom tries getting out of the move, but EC has him grounded. Venom begins swinging with his free arm and each shot hits EC, but EC refuses to let go. Venom uses his feet to kick himself up as EC stays on the arm and on the floor. Venom begins punching EC in the head, finally getting him off of him. Venom falls to the ropes holding his arm, as EC gets up. EC runs full force towards Venom, but Venom ducks down and back body drops El Combatiente over the top rope, rolling to the side of the Tower. Venom soon follows EC and begins stomping him, taking advantage of the match.

Magnus: Venom is a master and he’s taking this masked man to school right now.
Phillips: El Combatiente is resilient and it’s early, but it does look like he’s suffering from a bit of ring rust. 
Magnus: Hasn’t he had matches in J-Rok.
Phillips: Yes he has, but that was Venom in a mask since the disaster in Japan. Did you not read the match notes?
Magnus: I’ll read when I’m dead.

Venom tries to get blood flowing back into his arm while he is lifting up El Combatiente to his feet. Venom grabs the head of EC and slams it to the side of the ring, the sound echoing throughout the arena. Venom doesn’t let go of the head of EC, as he once again sends EC into the side of the ring. EC falls back into the side of the Tower, where Venom begins sending some stiff kicks to the body of El Combatiente. Venom grabs the wrist of EC and goes to toss him into the side of the ring, but Venom doesnt release EC instead spins him around and sends him face first into the Greenhouse glass of the Tower! EC stumbles back and Venom grabs him by the waist and lifts him up for a german suplex, causing him to hit the back of his head against the side of the ring! Venom stands up and taunts to the crowd, as El Combatiente is on the floor holding his head. Venom grins and sends a hard kick to the stomach of El Combatiente before lifting him up, and driving his head into the ring steps, keeping him there as he climbs up on the apron. Venom walks to the end of the apron and holds his hand up in the air, which receives boos from the crowd. Venom ignores them as he runs full force and leaps off, driving a knee to the back of EC’s head, sandwiching him between his knee and the ring steps! EC falls back once again holding his head, as Venom is obviously in control of the match. Venom walks over to El Combatiente and lifts him up before rolling him into the ring. Venom slides in afterwards, and he then lifts El Combatiente up to his feet. Venom smiles as he sends a chop to his chest before running towards the ropes. Venom lifts his leg up going for the Yakuza kick, but El Combatiente ducks and once Venom is turned the other way EC grabs him with a half nelson and lifts him up, driving him right into his knee with a half-nelson backbreaker! El Combatiente doesn’t let go of Venom though as he goes right into a Scissored armbar.

Magnus: What is he doing? He’s going to break Venom’s arm!
Phillips: I think that’s the point. Revenge against Venom has been on El Combatiente’s mind for years and he’s not going to throw away his shot.
Magnus: ALEXANDER HAMILTON!

Venom is in deep pain, as EC pulls back applying pressure to both arms of Venom. El Combatiente finally breaks the hold and gets up and stomps Venom, who is trying to get into the corner. Venom finally gets there and EC sends a hard boot to the head of Venom, keeping him down in the corner. EC chokes him with his boot, and then kicks him in the face. Venom is down on the turnbuckle and EC runs towards the ropes across from them and then leaps up, driving a dropkick into the face of a seated Venom! Venom falls down to the mat holding his head as El Combatiente gets to his feet. While lifting up Venom, EC sends strikes into his body and then grabs him for a suplex. EC lifts Venom up but then drops him on his stomach against the top rope. Venom hangs there, as El Combatiente runs against the ropes facing Venom. Once El Combatiente bounces off the ropes he leaps up in the air, and from across the ring connects with a single leg running front dropkick, sending Venom right into the side of the Greenhouse! Venom hits it hard and falls to the mat, as EC is on one knee looking around at the arena. Venom is on his knees when El Combatiente climbs up to his feet in the middle of the ring, and Venom uses the side of the Greenhouse to help himself get up. As he is doing this El Combatiente bounces on the other side of the ring and runs towards Venom and goes for a suicide dive to the outside, but at the last second Venom moves out of the way causing EC to crash head first into the side of the Greenhouse!

Phillips: Brutal miss by El Combatiente.
Magnus: Indeed. EC may be a skilled high flier, but Venom is an expert and moved like he knew it was coming.

EC drops like dead weight onto the floor, as Venom begins crawling away climbing up to his feet. He sees the downed El Combatiente and begins stomping on him and then lifting him up to his feet. Venom picks EC up for a scoop slam, but as he is sending him down he drops him in on his feet and sends him crashing into the padding with a V-Nominal Variation 1! El Combatiente is down on the floor, as Venom climbs up to his feet and begins to walk towards the ladder that leads to the next level. Instead of climbing it though he grabs it and folds it up and walks over towards El Combatiente. Venom leans the ladder against the side of the Greenhouse and the bottom of the ring, so its at an angle. Venom goes over and lifts EC up and places him onto the apron and then follows. Venom climbs up to his feet and brings El Combatiente with him while delivering punches to the head, and applies a front facelock and throws EC’s arm behind his neck. Venom grabs the tights of EC and lifts him up and falls back, sending EC back first into the ladder! EC lays on the ladder in pain, as Venom sits next to him while laying against the apron. Venom climbs back up onto the apron and then walks over to the corner, where he climbs all the way to the top. Venom stands up straight and then dives off, landing on top of El Combatiente with a splash! EC is sandwiched between the ladder and Venom, as Venom then falls off the ladder, holding his ribs because of the impact. Venom is able to get to his feet as EC falls off the ladder. Venom grabs the ladder and sets it back up under the hole to the next level, and begins to climb up it. El Combatiente sees this and begins crawling to the ladder, while Venom is half way up the ladder. EC grabs the second step to pull himself, and Venom sees this and stops climbing up the ladder. Venom turns around while on the ladder and sits on one of the steps, as El Combatiente is following closely. Venom begins sending punches towards EC, but EC doesnt go down as he sends punches of his own. Both Venom and EC get into a struggle for control on top of the ladder until EC sends a hard punch to the stomach of Venom. Venom is bent over and EC climbs up one more step and applies a front facelock. EC grabs the leg of Venom and hooks it before climbing up one more step, the final step to where Venom is. EC lifts Venom up and falls back, sending both he and Venom crashing into the padding hard with the Matsuzaka Drop off the top of the ladder!

Phillips: Oh my God.
Magnus: I’m not sure how much more these two can take and there’s still a long way to go to reach the top.
Phillips: I hope you have extra medics on standby because this is Zoran levels of violence.

Both Venom and EC lie next to one another, staring up at the structure they have to climb to win the match. After a few brief moments both EC and Venom climb up to their feet and roll into the ring. Both men climb up to their feet and EC sends a hard chop to the chest of Venom, sending him into the ropes. EC grabs the wrist of Venom and tosses him to the ropes and goes for a clothesline when Venom comes returning, but Venom ducks and goes to the ropes behind EC. EC turns around and Venom leaps up for a hurricanrana, but EC catches him and holds him there! Venom begins punching EC in the head not wanting to go down with a powerbomb, so EC walks back near the ropes and pushes Venom up, causing Venom to land on the apron. EC turns around and goes for a punch Venom, but Venom blocks and sends a fist into the face of EC, sending EC stumbling backwards. Venom springboards over the top rope and onto the second and leaps up to EC going for the Venom Web, but as hes spinning for the DDT EC holds him up and lifts him up and slams him down on the stomach and then locks in crossface! EC pulls back on the neck of Venom, trying to rip Venom’s head off. Venom screams in pain as EC just continues to pull tighter and harder. Venom slowly begins to fade away, and when it seems like hes unconscious EC lets go of the hold. EC gets out of the ring and begins to walk towards the ladder and thinks about climbing up it, but EC has a change of heart as he grabs the ladder and folds it up.

Magnus: He’s done enough damage to Venom’s neck to move on to the next section, but instead he’s taking the ladder down.
Phillips: This is clearly personal for him and he’s not going to let Venom off easy.
Magnus: He’s already dead! What else can he do?

EC places the ladder on top of the apron and positions it between the ring and the side of the Greenhouse. It stays there and EC rolls into the ring and begins to walk towards an unconscious Venom. EC lifts Venom up and then drops him on the apron, and then rolls under the bottom rope. EC sends a punch into Venom’s head before climbing up to his feet and walking onto the ladder thats balanced between the ring and the Greenhouse. EC finds his footing and grabs Venom to place him between his legs, but Venom comes out of nowhere and low blows EC! EC falls to his knees landing on the legs of the ladder as Venom climbs up to his feet slowly. He grabs EC by the waist and steps forward of both of his arms and lift him up in position of the Causality To Society! Venom stands all the way up and leaps forward, sending EC body first into the ladder with the Causality To Society!

Magnus: He should have climbed when he had the chance. Now he’s just another Causality!

Venom lies on top of EC and then falls off the ladder. EC lays there, and Venom slowly begins to crawl away from him. Venom crawls towards under the ring and pulls out a steel chair, and then climbs up to his feet using the ring. Venom walks over to the ladder and EC and slams the ladder into his opponents back. EC doesnt even scream after another shot with the chair. After sending the chair multiple times into the back of EC, Venom sets up the chair next to the ladder and then climbs up the apron and walks onto the little bridge where EC lays on. Venom lifts EC up to his knees and then places his leg on top of EC’s neck. Venom lifts EC up to his feet a little more before jumping up and driving EC into the seated chair off the ladder with The Tribute!

Phillips: I’m not sure how many more times EC can be driven into the ladder and keep going.
Magnus: If he’d only climbed the ladder when he had a chance. You can bet Venom wont make the same mistake.
Phillips: I wouldn’t be so sure. This isn’t just person for EC. Venom is tired of his name being drug through the mud too.

El Combatiente’s face gets indented into the chair, as Venom feels the effects of the move as he holds his leg. Venom needs the ring to help himself up, as he begins hopping towards EC. Venom sends a hard kick to the back of EC’s head, before walking over to the ladder and grabbing it. Venom pulls the ladder towards him and then lifts it up in the air, and slams it into the body of El Combatiente. Venom just tosses the ladder to the floor and lifts up El Combatiente. Venom grabs EC by the head and slams him multiple times into the Greenhouse before just letting him go to lay against it. Venom walks over to the ring and rolls into it, still limping from earlier. Venom begins to walk it off which then turns into running, as he runs towards the ropes. He bounces off and as hes approaching EC he jumps up and over the ropes with a back flip plancha, landing on El Combatiente! Venom falls down and holds his leg, still feeling the effects from earlier. Venom is able to get up to his feet and begins to stomp on El Combatiente, and he lifts him up and shoves him into the ladder that was set up against the Greenhouse, and drives a couple of hard chops into the chest. Venom drives his foot into the stomach of El Combatiente, before going back into the ring. Venom continues to limp around but he runs towards the ropes and bounces off of them. When he nears El Combatiente, Venom leaps onto the second rope and goes to dive off, but at the last second EC moves out of the way, causing Venom to crash into the ladder and through the Greenhouse!

Magnus: Oh my God!
Phillips: Earlier EC missed and crashed hard and now Venom has gone through the greenhouse!
Magnus: Glass is everywhere. Why did either man agree to this?
Phillips: Hatred, that’s why.

Venom lies on top of the ladder cover in pieces of broken glass, as El Combatiente is seen crawling towards the ring. He uses the ring to climb up to his feet, as he sees a now bloody Venom lying on top of the ladder. EC walks slowly over to him and sends a kick directly into the back of Venom, before nudging him off of the ladder. EC bends over and picks up the ladder and leans it against the railing. EC picks up Venom and pushes him against the railing on the other side and sends a hard chop into his chest. EC grabs Venom by the wrist and pulls him forward and tosses him right into the ladder. Venom hits it hard and falls down to the concrete floor, as EC then walks over to the ladder and just throws it down on top of Venom. Venom is trapped under the ladder, as El Combatiente tells all the fans to move out of the way. El Combatiente climbs onto the top of the railing and balances himself before pushing himself off and landing on top of the ladder, squashing Venom underneath it! EC lands on the ladder hard, as he holds his ribs after the impact. EC rolls up to his knees and pushes himself up, grabbing the ladder on his way up. EC drags the ladder to the side of the Greenhouse, and sets it up. EC lies his head against a step of the ladder, before he begins to pull himself up. EC is climbing up the ladder slowly, which allows Venom to get moving towards the ladder. Venom gets to the other side of the ladder and he too begins to climb up it. EC almost gets to the top when he realizes Venom is climbing up, and then the two meet when they get to the top. EC sends a fist to the face of Venom and Venom retaliates back with a fist of his own. Both men trade blows hard, but Venom takes advantage when he grabs EC by the head and slams it into the top of the ladder. Both men take one more step up, as Venom places his arm under EC’s. Venom then pushes himself off of the ladder bringing EC with him, slamming him down into the concrete floor with a hip-toss!

Phillips: Such a simple move used in such a brutal way.

Venom and EC lay on the cold concrete floor motionless, as the crowd is screaming after that amazing spot. Venom is the first to move, as he begins pulling himself towards the ladder. Venom makes it to the ladder, as his bloody hands begin pulling him up the ladder. Venom gets hallway up the ladder when El Combatiente finally begins to move towards the ladder. Venom is already to the top and pulls himself to the second level of the Tower, the Hardcore Hell in a Cell. EC is climbing up to the ladder as Venom faints and gets himself some air after he crawls into the cell. El Combatiente reaches the top of the ladder and pulls himself up to the second level, while Venom is up on his feet and pulls off a kendo stick from the side of the cell. Venom walks out of the cell and towards a crawling EC, and drives the kendo stick into his body. The shots from the kendo stick echo throughout the arena, as Venom finally breaks it over the back of El Combatiente. Venom tosses the stick down and picks up EC, and throws him face first into the side of the cell, and begins scrapping his face across it, ripping El Combatiente’s bandages and his face underneath.

Phillips: Oh my god. His face is already scarred with with burns from the fire in Japan, now Venom is mangling his face with the steel from the cell.
Magnus: It's brutality at its finest. Eat your heart out J-Rok
Phillips: These men are killing each other and all you can think about is upstaging another company?
Magnus: Of course. The Murder Lizard left because we're not "brutal enough" well not so fast.

The blood rapidly fills EC’s bandages as Venom just throws him down and drags him into the cell by the hair. Venom lifts EC up by the hair and lifts him up onto his shoulders and runs at full force into the cell, driving EC’s back into it. Venom keeps EC on the side of the cell as he begins to send his shoulder into EC’s stomach, each shot causing El Combatiente to his hit back on the support beam. Venom finally lets go of EC, as he goes to reach for the steel chair that is hung over the both of them. Venom grabs it and drops it, as he reaches into his tights and pulls out two pairs of handcuffs. Venom puts one on each of EC’s wrists, and then ties him up against the cell in a crucifix position. Venom picks up the chair once again, and limps a few steps back. He lifts the chair over his head and goes running towards EC, but El Combatiente pulls himself up and wraps his legs around the neck of Venom! EC begins swinging Venom back and forth until he finally releases the chair, the legs wrapped tight and hard around the neck of Venom. Venom begins to fade away and finally falls down, bringing El Combatiente with him, causing the chains to rip off of the cell. EC finally releases his legs around Venom’s neck and begins crawling to the chair that Venom dropped. EC finally gets up to his feet and sets the chair up in the center of the cell, when he walks over to Venom and drags him into a corner. EC begins choking him with a boot, keeping him down for a bit longer. EC walks to the other side of the cell and takes a breather. He's finally ready, as he runs towards the chair, leaps up on top of it, and then leaps off the chair and drives a double front dropkick to the face of Venom!

Phillips: EC has turned the tide here.
Magnus: Get up Venom. Don't die on me again!

EC lays on his back, with Venom’s face against the side of the cell. EC rolls to his stomach and crawls over to the chair and climbs up to his feet, and then takes the chair and places it down in the center of the ring. EC is on his feet as he walks over and picks Venom up, and walks into the center of the ring, right where the chair is. EC gets Venom ready for a reverse DDT and screams out primally, but Venom turns his body and shoves EC off of him. Venom goes for a swinging right hand, but EC ducks and runs to the side of the cell, and just like a spider, leaps up onto the side of the cell. When Venom turns around, EC pushes himself off with a moonsault grabbing him neck, and slamming the back of Venom’s head into the steel chair with Venom's own V-Nominal Variation 2!

Magnus: He stole his move!
Phillips: These two know each other so well.
Magnus: It's almost like they're the same person.

Venom stays on the floor, as EC begins to sit up and begins to get out of the cell. EC gets out, while Venom is rolling to his stomach, and El Combatiente begins to climb the Hardcore Hell in a Cell. Venom crawls his way out of the door and sees EC, so with his last bit of energy shoots up and sends a forearm into the back of EC, stopping him in his tracks. Venom uses the cell to keep himself up, as he sends multiple shots into the back of El Combatiente, finally stopping him from climbing. Venom walks over and turns his body towards EC, as he then grabs him by the waist. He tries to pull EC off, but El Combatiente has a tight grip on the cell. After a brief struggle Venom takes the easy route by punching EC in the crotch, and then pulling him off and slamming him into the top of the Greenhouse with a powerbomb! A bloody El Combatiente lies on his back staring up at the lights, as Venom climbs up to his feet and then drives a hard knee into the chest of EC. Venom then walks over to the legs of EC and grabs them both before leaning back, and sling shooting EC into the mesh of the cell. EC begins to stumble back into the knees of Venom, who's still holding him. EC hits hard and rolls to his stomach, holding his back. Venom pushes himself up and on mounts on the back of EC and begins sending hard punches into the back of his head. Venom grabs EC by the hair and pulls him back and locks in a rear naked choke! Venom pulls back on the neck of El Combatiente, as he then wraps his legs around EC’s body, choking the life out of him. EC uses his free hands to grab a hold of Venom, but Venom refuses to release the hold, pulling back harder than before. El Combatiente’s arm stop swinging around after a few moments, indicating that he is knocked out. Venom finally lets go of the submission hold and climbs up to his feet. He stares down at EC and wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and throws it down onto EC. Venom sends a boot into the back of El Combatiente and goes on to climb up the cell to the third level of the Tower.

Magnus: Now the table has turned the right way.
Phillips: I wouldn't be so sure. This has already gone back and forth so many times and there's a long way to go.

Venom climbs up and over the top when El Combatiente finally begins moving towards the cell. EC begins climbing up to the cell as Venom is limping towards the chairs that are positioned next to the tables. Venom picks up two chairs across from one another, and then takes a table and places it on top of it. El Combatiente makes it to the top and Venom walks over and kicks EC in the head, before pulling him towards the tables and placing him between his legs. Venom hooks both of EC’s arms and goes to lift him up, but EC is able to weigh himself down. Venom unhooks one of his arms and begins sending hard forearm shots into EC’s back and then hooks it again. Venom is able to flip EC up to his shoulders as he begins to walk towards the table, but EC struggles to get off and finally slides off the back of Venom. When Venom turns around EC hits him in a face with a spinning forearm to the face, sending both men down. The blood drips from the forehead of El Combatiente, as he crawls to the ladder that is laying down next to him. El Combatiente is able to make it to his feet with the ladder but drops it, as he sees Venom also climb up to his feet shortly after. EC and Venom begin trading punches, until EC lifts up a knee into the stomach of Venom. EC gets Venom to the side and goes for a gutwrench, but Venom is able to get out before EC can lift him up and clotheslines him down. Venom grabs the head of EC and drags him near the table, but as he goes to lift EC up a burst of energy hits EC as he lifts Venom up onto his shoulders and drives him through the table with a death valley driver!

Phillips: Oh my God!
Magnus: NOOOO! Not my Venom!
Phillips: This is brutal. How will either men be the same after this?
Magnus: They won't. I just hope they both survive. Our insurance can't handle another death.

EC and Venom lie in the broken table, both men giving it all to defeat the other. EC is the first to move, as he moves to his stomach and pushes himself up to his feet very slowly. He walks over to where the tables are, and grabs one and sets it up, before grabbing another one, and setting that one on top of the previous one. EC sees Venom moving around so he goes and kicks Venom in the back of the head. EC then goes down to one knee and grabs the head of Venom and begins smashing it repeatedly into the ground, drawing blood by breaking Venom’s nose. Venom lies in a pool of his own blood, as EC finally lets go and walks over to the ladder from earlier and sets it up, and walks towards Venom once again. EC lifts Venom up onto his shoulder, and begins walk towards the ladder and begins climbing up to it. As EC is almost to the top of the ladder Venom begins sending fists to the back of EC, forcing EC to let go. Venom sits on the step right above EC and the two begin trading blows, until Venom gives EC a straight kick to the face. EC is barely holding onto the ladder, and falls off landing on the scaffold after an another kick to the face from Venom! EC just misses the tables that he set up earlier, as EC is obviously in great pain after the landing. Venom sets himself up, as he waits for El Combatiente. The blood drips to the floor as Venom begins waving his arms, taunting for El Combatiente to get up to his feet. EC slowly pushes himself up to his feet, and stumbles back as he turns around to Venom. Venom pushes himself off and goes to attempt a flying crossbody, but while in mid air El Combatiente jumps up in the air and catches Venom, and sends him crashing down into the scaffold with the huge body slam!

Magnus: Oh god, stay down Venom. This is too much.

The crowd erupts, not believing what they just saw. EC and Venom lie motionless next to one another, neither man moving at all. After a few moments El Combatiente shows signs of life, as he begins crawling over to the ladder and pulling himself up it. EC makes it half way when Venom begins doing the same, crawling to the ladder and climbing up it. EC gets to the fourth level of the Tower and he crawls into a corner. Venom finally makes it to the fourth level with EC, as EC makes it to his feet and sends a kick to the back of Venom’s head. EC lifts Venom up and tosses him into the steel mesh, Venom bouncing off into a hard clothesline from behind from EC. Venom is down on the floor of the fourth level and EC sends an elbow into the back of Venom before lifting him back up to his feet and sending him crashing into the steel mesh once again. Venom bounces back and EC grabs him, and drops him down into the ground beneath them both with a backdrop. EC turns to his side breathing heavily, holding his body face. EC pushes himself up to his feet and quickly after lifts Venom up between his legs. EC grabs the waist of Venom and flips him up to his shoulders with a powerbomb, but Venom grabs onto the top of the cell, refusing to get pulled down. EC attempts to pull Venom down but pulls too hard, accidentally letting go of him, allowing Venom to drop behind him. EC turns around quickly, but Venom leaps up in the air and lifts his feet up and delivers a hellacious pele kick! EC staggers back and bounces against the steel mesh, where Venom gets behind EC and crosses both of his arms. He turns his body around so that his back is to the hole in the center of the cell and lifts EC up, and sends El Combatiente through the center of the cell, crashing into the tables he set up earlier with the Xed Out!

Phillips: Oh. My. God.
Magnus: Thank you Jeebus. Now finish the match Venom!

El Combatiente is under all of the broken table pieces, as Venom lays down to his stomach, knocked out cold after using all of his strength. Neither man move for a good minute until Venom finally lifts his head up slowly. Venom holds his head as he begins crawling to the outside of the cell so he can advance to the next level. Once Venom exits the cell El Combatiente begins moving very slowly as he rolls to his stomach. Venom grabs onto the miniature hell in a cell, and uses it to pull himself up to his feet. El Combatiente is crawling to the ladder now, as he grabs onto the middle step, pulling himself up to his feet. Venom is finally up to his feet, and he begins to climb up to the second to last level of the tower. When Venom reaches the fifth level of the Tower he falls down, and EC reaches the fourth level. El Combatiente sees Venom looking down at him, as the blood drips from Venoms forehead to the forehead of El Combatiente. Both men finally make it to their feet and stare at one another, and with the anger and hatred towards one another they both scream, shaking in pure hatred. El Combatiente walks out of the cell like a man on a mission, as Venom calls El Combatiente to come up and fight him like a man. El Combatiente begins to climb up the cell and once he makes it to the top Venom attacks him, sending continuous forearms into his body. El Combatiente continues to climb up to his feet and the two get into an all out fight, El Combatiente bringing down Venom and the two trading blows to one anothers battered bodies. They finally get up to their feet and EC sends a hard kick to the face of Venom, blood splattering on the floor beneath. Venom refuses to go down as he climbs up to his feet despite all the strikes from EC, when he finally lifts his leg up to drive a knee into the stomach of El Combatiente. Venom grabs the head of EC and smashes it to the ladder that leads to the roof of the arena, and continues to until El Combatiente is defenseless. Venom begins climbing up the ladder shortly, holding onto El Combatiente. Venom applies a front facelock and tries to pushes himself off and spins around for a tornado DDT, but El Combatiente doesnt go down as he just sets Venom up on his feet. EC lifts Venom up and places him back on the ladder, and begins sending a fury of punches into Venom. With each punch to the face EC and Venom deliver to one another, the others blood splatters across the floor. EC finally delivers a hard punch to the chest, which bends Venom over. In this position EC ducks his head next to Venoms and hooks both of his arms. El Combatiente lifts Venom up onto his shoulders and walks into the center and then jumps backwards, sending Venom crashing into the top of the cell beneath them with Street Justice!

Phillips: That has to be it. That's EC's finisher.
Magnus: No way Venom is staying down after all of that. Even if I want him to.

EC and Venom stay down, the only life that either man is showing is EC kicking his feet to try to keep him going. The move took all the energy out of EC and Venom, who just lie they’re motionless. The fans begin applauding the two men, which must be the only thing motivating these two guys, as they both roll to their stomachs. EC and Venom’s heads are next to one another, as they both begin pushing each other up to their feet. The former partners and bitter rivals begin shaking with anger, not keeping their eyes off of one another. The two bloody men with their blood stained hands get up to their feet, and both men begin sending fists to one another, each shot as devastating as the previous. After a while both men stumble to their knees, but are able to stay on their feet and EC clotheslines Venom down. EC falls next to Venom, who begins coughing up his own blood. El Combatiente pushes himself up to his feet, and bends over to pick Venom up. As he is doing this though Venom takes advantage, as he delivers a low blow that sends EC reeling in pain. Venom climbs up to his feet and places El Combatiente between his legs, and spreads his arms out taunting for the Casualty To Society. Venom goes to lift EC up, but EC is able to hold his weight down, staying on his knees. EC gets his head out from between Venom’s legs, and punches Venom straight in the groin. Venom bends over in pain as EC climbs up to his feet and grabs Venom by the head and tights, and tosses him off the top of the miniature Hell in a Cell, sending him crashing into the top of the Greenhouse! The impact causes Venom to bounce up and roll off the edge of the Greenhouse, where he lands through the announce table!

Magnus: LOOK OUT!
Phillips: I almost didn't get out of the way in time.
Magnus: Thank God you did. Now get the EMTs out here now! I think he's dead.

Paramedics immediately rush from the backstage area to check on Venom, as El Combatiente is on both his knees staring up at the sky. The camera zooms in to EC, and the only thing behind the crimson soaked bandages is a man smiling about the events that just occurred. EC crawls over to the ladder and begins climbing up it, each step that he climbs getting a louder ovation than the next. El Combatiente finally makes it to the top and reaches the roof and pulls out an El Combatiente mask, winning the match.
Sylvia Starr: Winner of this match and THE owner of the mask, El Combatiente.

El Combatiente goes down and just falls off the ladder, landing on top of the miniature Hell in a Cell. He holds the mask close to him, as the blood drips from the bandages on his face. Venom is being picked up and put on a stretcher, as EC holds the mask up. EC begins ripping the bandages off of his face. His face remains obscured by all the blood, and he places the mask over his face.

Phillips: That's it for this season. Please join us for season five.
Magnus: If we make it to a season five after this.

After El Combatiente puts the mask on he’s joined by the members of the BANG! Bros. Steve Awesome hugs the bloody mess that is El Combatiente. Steve then holds up a kitchen mixer to El Combatiente and EC gives it a fist bump. Then we see Curtis Kanyon in his wheel chair. He holds out his arms and El Combatiente jumps in his lap and hugs the leader of the BANG! Bros.

Magnus: Wait. This place has wheelchair access to the roof? Did he just fist bump a mixer? This is weird even for us!
Phillips:Yes it does. Yes he is. And yes it is. Maybe we’ll get even weirder in season 5. Thank you and good night![/b][/div]