The Donnas are an underrated band….(oh rp)
Jul 11, 2023 7:29:05 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 4 more like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Jul 11, 2023 7:29:05 GMT -5
Death.
Taxes.
The Awesome/Panda rivalry.
If you took Steve Awesome and locked him in a room with a Panda you’d see an example of primal rage in its purest form. And the Panda wouldn’t even know what to do about it!
Steve Awesome’s hatred of Pandas is palpable.
And trust that the feeling is mutual.
But why?
When did this “beef” truly begin?
Some say this all goes back to that one time at Night of Champions when he got suplexed by a Panda.
Some say the Pandas owe Steve money.
Others are convinced it has everything to due to the “Get the F out” campaign that the WWE were forced to go on in 2001.
I mean seriously, who is gonna get Pandas and pro-wrestlers confused!?
But it all goes much, much, much, deeper than that!
IMPERIAL CHINA, 1920
It’s the dark of night, during a rain storm in the middle of a rice field. A group of freedom fighters quickly rush a family of five toward a helicopter. Its blades still spin causing even more wild wind and dangerous conditions.
The mother cries but is extremely thankful as she watches her small and confused children carefully being loaded into the helicopter.
Man: “We have to hurry!”
One of the men helping explained to her.
Man: “It’s almost crazy to attempt to fly out of here with all this wind from this storm. But if we don’t go now we may never have another chance!”
The mother nodded and did her best not to sob. She hugged her sons and daughters tight as each one was safely strapped in.
Mother: “You all must be strong!”
She said to them in her native tongue. Some of the children cried, but some showed strength just like their mother asked for.
Mother: “Someday -soon- your father and I will come for you. And then we can all be a family again!”
She didn’t exactly know how or even if that statement would ever come true. But she knew deep down in her heart that the very thing she said next was the truest statement that could ever be uttered.
Mother: “I love you with all my heart. My children.”
The mother slowly but confidently slid the hanger door shut. There was no time for hesitation. This could not fail!
The mother dropped to her knees and prayed.
One of the two men that aided in the mission begins to talk amongst themselves.
Soldier 1: “Honestly now, do you think they will make it to the drop off point in all this?”
The wind and the rain began creating cyclones in the field.
Soldier 2:“I’ll tell you what man, it doesn’t look good to me.”
The second man used his arm to block the pelting rain from drenching his face.
Soldier 2: “But if anyone can make it happen, it’s that man right there.”
The second man points to the cockpit and that’s when you realize the pilot is Steve Awesome. Steve flips on all the devices to take off, puts his seatbelt on and checks the rear view mirror to make sure his sunglasses were on straight.
Soldier 2: “He’s the best pilot we have.”
Steve the pilot starts to take off but just before he does his eyes lock with a small family of Pandas just sitting in the rice field nearby.
Then suddenly one of the pandas gave Steve the middle finger!
“Hey!?”
Steve glares back at the Panda in disgust and gives it the middle finger right back before flying off.
STEVE VERSES PANDA!!!
Coming soon!
“So then the family turns out to be panda smugglers or something?”
We find the XHF Hard(k)ore Champion of the world standing in front of still wheelchair bound Chris Kanyon making his movie pitch. Steve takes a second to consider what Kanyon just said and takes a second to write that down in a notebook.
“Man that’s way better than what I have.”
“Is that really how it happened?”
The voice of Spike Kane came from the paper towel roll he was currently possessing.
“I always thought you were younger.”
Kanyon and Steve stare at “paper towel roll” Spike and suddenly it dawns on him.
“Man, I've been mindless inanimate objects for too long…”
“Well that’s how the producers for my next film imagine it. But to me it doesn’t matter how it started, what matters is how it ends.”
Steve said, taking a seat at the kitchen table alongside Kanyon and “Spike”.
“Well I’m rooting for you Steve, but one thing is always for sure in the XHF. The bears always go over.”
“Spike” said, concerned in his disembodied voice. Kanyon nods his head and adds to the lecture.
“Even the gay ones.”
Steve and Spike seem confused by the comment and Curtis thinks about it again..
“Wait, maybe that was something different.”
Steve flippantly shakes his head. Bear accolades in the XHF be damned.
“Not this time.”
Steve says, doubling down with a point to himself.
“At Overheated, I finish this Panda blood feud off once and for all when I walk into New York and I whip LiLi’s big dumb bamboo filled ass all over the Streets of freakin Harlem!”
Steve pounds the table to emphasize. The force knocks over paper towel roll Spike and he rolls back and forth until Kanyon puts his right side up again.
“Well I know you're good Steve, but I don’t know how you're going to beat a bear. They can be really persuasive.”
“Simple.”
Steve said smoothly as he readjusted his sunglasses.
“Overheated is -my- house!”
STEVE AWESOME
“MR. OVERHEATED”
“Well now….”
The scene opens on the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World as he leans against the wall.
“Seems like the Face of the Franchise has finally found himself in a little….”trouble.”
He does some flippant finger quotes in the air.
“Looks like this year, if I want to be in the Night of Champions main event, if I want my opportunity to become XHF XCrown Champion for a third time, if I want to reach a plateau that only two other people,”
He cups his mouth as if he’s telling some sort of secret.
(“Two people that I really hate by the way,”)
He continues.
“…Have ever accomplished, well then I’m going to have to go through an opponent in the streets of Harlem who is….”
He raises a palm high above his head.
“Seven foot tall….”
He puffs out his chest and puts arms out as wide as he could.
“Five Hundred Pound,
Steve peers from over the rim of his sunglasses.
“Man eating giant panda named LiLi!”
He gives the classic Scott Hall spooky fingers and then laughs.
“I guess I should be feeling some type of way about this.”
He nods.
“Worried about the teeth and the claws.”
He makes a list on his fingers.
“Overwhelmed by the ungodly strength.”
“Eager to finally put a close on a blood feud that has existed for years.”
He smiles confidently and gives the camera a shrug.
“But meh….it doesn’t really matter.”
He slowly shakes his head and takes a step forward.
“Because as it turns out, “LiLi”, is really just a seven foot tall, five hundred pound steaming pile of bamboo scented shitpiss!”
Steve glares into the camera and nods his head to confirm.
“Oh ya damn right. And as far as I’m concerned, the only “blood feud” that’s going to come to an end at Overheated is between LiLi and his Diet Instructor after I put that fat bulbous piece of trash out of his own god damn misery in Harlem, New York!”
He runs a palm through his perfect hair and then points a finger toward the camera.
“Because on July Sixteenth you are walking into MY HOUSE!”
Steve slaps his chest and grins. He points to himself with both thumbs.
“You are looking at Mister Overheated!”
He nods slowly.
“Oh ya damn right! I may not win every match but I’m always here at this event putting my blood, sweat, and tears into making sure I make it into the Night of Champions main event! I’m always here whipping some type of ass, I’m -Always. Here.- fighting to get one step closer to the XCrown.”
“Between winning three back to back to back Call to Arms tournaments, I won it so much they had to retire the tournament itself! And who could forget when I walked into this show and I knocked Zoran Sainovich off his pedestal and became the XCrown Champion for a second time in my career.”
“The way I see it, I am Overheated! I have dominated this show in the modern era! Before the card even gets posted, it’s a foregone conclusion that ya not gonna be on that show! When it comes to me, I’ve shown why I’m the best to have representing your company here. Johnny Valentine knows talent when he sees it. That’s why he sent me, no questions asked.”
Steve steps forward.
“He damn sure would never send a stupid bear, wearing a stupid hat!”
He points.
“And I’m gonna prove I’m Mister Overheated once and yet again as soon as the bell rings when I stomp that dumb hat and your stupid face into nothing LiLi!”
“You are going to pay for the bad deeds of your species, LiLi. You are going to pay for what your brothers did to me at Night of Champions two years ago! I’m going to make you regret that time some other bears ruined a camping trip I was on with my family. I’m going to stomp you until you vomit up all those bamboo pies your ancestors stole off my sweet old grandmother's window sill.”
“Hell I might even make you suffer for some of my other beef’s in the animal kingdom.”
“Because the raccoons keep eating my garbage at night!”
“Because who the fuck told Shoebills to look like that!?”
“And honestly, because fuck bee’s!”
He shakes his head.
“And it doesn’t matter what type of fighting style you bring. Jeet Kun do you claim your so good at, I don’t care if it’s Kung Fu, Bear Fu, drunken panda style, none of it matters because I’m going to use Awesome Style to leave you laying motionless in the dirt. I’m saying I’m going to knock you out so hard your handler is gonna get sued for animal cruelty just by getting you signed up for this match and drawing me as the opponent.”
Steve glares into the camera with electricity in his eyes. Confidence dripped off the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World.
“The fact of the matter is this.”
He shook his head.
“Even at seven feet tall, you're still in over your head, LiLi.”
“And Mister Overheated is going to do everything in his power to knock that stupid head straight off. I’m doing whatever it takes to go through you and make it into the Night of Champions main event for the second year in a row! I’m going to take you to the glue factory LiLi, I’m gonna take you out back like Old Yeller, If I have to I’ll make you step in a bear trap, you’ll leg will break, you’ll never fight again and I’ll send you back to Dinosaur Bones useless and then it be all like….
He cups his hands to say it loud.
“MEANWHILE, IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE!!”
He sneers.
“At Overheated, LiLi…
He simply nodded his head.
“You’re gonna fall behind me.”
He simply nodded again, just as if he were stating facts.
“You’re gonna cry and beg for mercy.”
This time he gave a slow shake of his head.
“Because you’re not ready, baby.”
All his confidence beamed through one simple smirk.
“And you got nothing on me.”
He winced at the pain he perceived his opponent to have.
“Ooh ya damn right!”
Crotch Chop.
Fade Out.
[/u][/u][/quote]
Taxes.
The Awesome/Panda rivalry.
If you took Steve Awesome and locked him in a room with a Panda you’d see an example of primal rage in its purest form. And the Panda wouldn’t even know what to do about it!
Steve Awesome’s hatred of Pandas is palpable.
And trust that the feeling is mutual.
But why?
When did this “beef” truly begin?
Some say this all goes back to that one time at Night of Champions when he got suplexed by a Panda.
Some say the Pandas owe Steve money.
Others are convinced it has everything to due to the “Get the F out” campaign that the WWE were forced to go on in 2001.
I mean seriously, who is gonna get Pandas and pro-wrestlers confused!?
But it all goes much, much, much, deeper than that!
IMPERIAL CHINA, 1920
It’s the dark of night, during a rain storm in the middle of a rice field. A group of freedom fighters quickly rush a family of five toward a helicopter. Its blades still spin causing even more wild wind and dangerous conditions.
The mother cries but is extremely thankful as she watches her small and confused children carefully being loaded into the helicopter.
Man: “We have to hurry!”
One of the men helping explained to her.
Man: “It’s almost crazy to attempt to fly out of here with all this wind from this storm. But if we don’t go now we may never have another chance!”
The mother nodded and did her best not to sob. She hugged her sons and daughters tight as each one was safely strapped in.
Mother: “You all must be strong!”
She said to them in her native tongue. Some of the children cried, but some showed strength just like their mother asked for.
Mother: “Someday -soon- your father and I will come for you. And then we can all be a family again!”
She didn’t exactly know how or even if that statement would ever come true. But she knew deep down in her heart that the very thing she said next was the truest statement that could ever be uttered.
Mother: “I love you with all my heart. My children.”
The mother slowly but confidently slid the hanger door shut. There was no time for hesitation. This could not fail!
The mother dropped to her knees and prayed.
One of the two men that aided in the mission begins to talk amongst themselves.
Soldier 1: “Honestly now, do you think they will make it to the drop off point in all this?”
The wind and the rain began creating cyclones in the field.
Soldier 2:“I’ll tell you what man, it doesn’t look good to me.”
The second man used his arm to block the pelting rain from drenching his face.
Soldier 2: “But if anyone can make it happen, it’s that man right there.”
The second man points to the cockpit and that’s when you realize the pilot is Steve Awesome. Steve flips on all the devices to take off, puts his seatbelt on and checks the rear view mirror to make sure his sunglasses were on straight.
Soldier 2: “He’s the best pilot we have.”
Steve the pilot starts to take off but just before he does his eyes lock with a small family of Pandas just sitting in the rice field nearby.
Then suddenly one of the pandas gave Steve the middle finger!
“Hey!?”
Steve glares back at the Panda in disgust and gives it the middle finger right back before flying off.
STEVE VERSES PANDA!!!
Coming soon!
“So then the family turns out to be panda smugglers or something?”
We find the XHF Hard(k)ore Champion of the world standing in front of still wheelchair bound Chris Kanyon making his movie pitch. Steve takes a second to consider what Kanyon just said and takes a second to write that down in a notebook.
“Man that’s way better than what I have.”
“Is that really how it happened?”
The voice of Spike Kane came from the paper towel roll he was currently possessing.
“I always thought you were younger.”
Kanyon and Steve stare at “paper towel roll” Spike and suddenly it dawns on him.
“Man, I've been mindless inanimate objects for too long…”
“Well that’s how the producers for my next film imagine it. But to me it doesn’t matter how it started, what matters is how it ends.”
Steve said, taking a seat at the kitchen table alongside Kanyon and “Spike”.
“Well I’m rooting for you Steve, but one thing is always for sure in the XHF. The bears always go over.”
“Spike” said, concerned in his disembodied voice. Kanyon nods his head and adds to the lecture.
“Even the gay ones.”
Steve and Spike seem confused by the comment and Curtis thinks about it again..
“Wait, maybe that was something different.”
Steve flippantly shakes his head. Bear accolades in the XHF be damned.
“Not this time.”
Steve says, doubling down with a point to himself.
“At Overheated, I finish this Panda blood feud off once and for all when I walk into New York and I whip LiLi’s big dumb bamboo filled ass all over the Streets of freakin Harlem!”
Steve pounds the table to emphasize. The force knocks over paper towel roll Spike and he rolls back and forth until Kanyon puts his right side up again.
“Well I know you're good Steve, but I don’t know how you're going to beat a bear. They can be really persuasive.”
“Simple.”
Steve said smoothly as he readjusted his sunglasses.
“Overheated is -my- house!”
STEVE AWESOME
“MR. OVERHEATED”
“Well now….”
The scene opens on the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World as he leans against the wall.
“Seems like the Face of the Franchise has finally found himself in a little….”trouble.”
He does some flippant finger quotes in the air.
“Looks like this year, if I want to be in the Night of Champions main event, if I want my opportunity to become XHF XCrown Champion for a third time, if I want to reach a plateau that only two other people,”
He cups his mouth as if he’s telling some sort of secret.
(“Two people that I really hate by the way,”)
He continues.
“…Have ever accomplished, well then I’m going to have to go through an opponent in the streets of Harlem who is….”
He raises a palm high above his head.
“Seven foot tall….”
He puffs out his chest and puts arms out as wide as he could.
“Five Hundred Pound,
Steve peers from over the rim of his sunglasses.
“Man eating giant panda named LiLi!”
He gives the classic Scott Hall spooky fingers and then laughs.
“I guess I should be feeling some type of way about this.”
He nods.
“Worried about the teeth and the claws.”
He makes a list on his fingers.
“Overwhelmed by the ungodly strength.”
“Eager to finally put a close on a blood feud that has existed for years.”
He smiles confidently and gives the camera a shrug.
“But meh….it doesn’t really matter.”
He slowly shakes his head and takes a step forward.
“Because as it turns out, “LiLi”, is really just a seven foot tall, five hundred pound steaming pile of bamboo scented shitpiss!”
Steve glares into the camera and nods his head to confirm.
“Oh ya damn right. And as far as I’m concerned, the only “blood feud” that’s going to come to an end at Overheated is between LiLi and his Diet Instructor after I put that fat bulbous piece of trash out of his own god damn misery in Harlem, New York!”
He runs a palm through his perfect hair and then points a finger toward the camera.
“Because on July Sixteenth you are walking into MY HOUSE!”
Steve slaps his chest and grins. He points to himself with both thumbs.
“You are looking at Mister Overheated!”
He nods slowly.
“Oh ya damn right! I may not win every match but I’m always here at this event putting my blood, sweat, and tears into making sure I make it into the Night of Champions main event! I’m always here whipping some type of ass, I’m -Always. Here.- fighting to get one step closer to the XCrown.”
“Between winning three back to back to back Call to Arms tournaments, I won it so much they had to retire the tournament itself! And who could forget when I walked into this show and I knocked Zoran Sainovich off his pedestal and became the XCrown Champion for a second time in my career.”
“The way I see it, I am Overheated! I have dominated this show in the modern era! Before the card even gets posted, it’s a foregone conclusion that ya not gonna be on that show! When it comes to me, I’ve shown why I’m the best to have representing your company here. Johnny Valentine knows talent when he sees it. That’s why he sent me, no questions asked.”
Steve steps forward.
“He damn sure would never send a stupid bear, wearing a stupid hat!”
He points.
“And I’m gonna prove I’m Mister Overheated once and yet again as soon as the bell rings when I stomp that dumb hat and your stupid face into nothing LiLi!”
“You are going to pay for the bad deeds of your species, LiLi. You are going to pay for what your brothers did to me at Night of Champions two years ago! I’m going to make you regret that time some other bears ruined a camping trip I was on with my family. I’m going to stomp you until you vomit up all those bamboo pies your ancestors stole off my sweet old grandmother's window sill.”
“Hell I might even make you suffer for some of my other beef’s in the animal kingdom.”
“Because the raccoons keep eating my garbage at night!”
“Because who the fuck told Shoebills to look like that!?”
“And honestly, because fuck bee’s!”
He shakes his head.
“And it doesn’t matter what type of fighting style you bring. Jeet Kun do you claim your so good at, I don’t care if it’s Kung Fu, Bear Fu, drunken panda style, none of it matters because I’m going to use Awesome Style to leave you laying motionless in the dirt. I’m saying I’m going to knock you out so hard your handler is gonna get sued for animal cruelty just by getting you signed up for this match and drawing me as the opponent.”
Steve glares into the camera with electricity in his eyes. Confidence dripped off the Hard(k)ore Champion of the World.
“The fact of the matter is this.”
He shook his head.
“Even at seven feet tall, you're still in over your head, LiLi.”
“And Mister Overheated is going to do everything in his power to knock that stupid head straight off. I’m doing whatever it takes to go through you and make it into the Night of Champions main event for the second year in a row! I’m going to take you to the glue factory LiLi, I’m gonna take you out back like Old Yeller, If I have to I’ll make you step in a bear trap, you’ll leg will break, you’ll never fight again and I’ll send you back to Dinosaur Bones useless and then it be all like….
He cups his hands to say it loud.
“MEANWHILE, IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE!!”
He sneers.
“At Overheated, LiLi…
He simply nodded his head.
“You’re gonna fall behind me.”
He simply nodded again, just as if he were stating facts.
“You’re gonna cry and beg for mercy.”
This time he gave a slow shake of his head.
“Because you’re not ready, baby.”
All his confidence beamed through one simple smirk.
“And you got nothing on me.”
He winced at the pain he perceived his opponent to have.
“Ooh ya damn right!”
Crotch Chop.
Fade Out.
