Lili and the search for the big apple
Jul 11, 2023 12:09:44 GMT -5
mosler, Jesse Jamester, and 1 more like this
Post by Kira Izumi on Jul 11, 2023 12:09:44 GMT -5
New York City. A place of hopes and dreams. Where the stars of yesterday made magic. Where people will do anything to get a sliver of attention. So for a seven foot tall panda to walk around the streets, it wasn't all that uncommon considering the usual degenerates roaming about.
The giant panda had a yellow and red hat on its head. The panda had also worn a fancy vest with the DB logo and "Eating Champion" On the back of it. The giant panda was named LiLi and they were undefeated in professional wrestling. Only losing one eating contest to a mutt.
But this was the biggest challenge of Lilis life. They were fighting against a former X*Crown champion. The current XHF Hardcore Champion. A legend in this sport and network. But LiLi wasn't worried about Steve or even the possibility of being eaten by Dinosaur Bones in his fruitless attempts to fatten up the giant mammal. No, LiLi was more worried about this unquenchable, undeniable never ending hunger. Being led by their father, mentor and manager, Xi Lee the panda roars in discomfort.
"我餓了爸爸"
"(I know LiLi. We should almost be there.)"
"我需要食物"
The old man leads the panda down the busy streets to their destination. The sea of humanity is nothing like what they're used to back home. But neither is aliens, dinosaurs or Americans. Either way the hungry panda is starting to get hangry as their belly growls.
"我現在需要食物!"
"(I know young one. Just a few more minutes.)"
They continue to push through the ungodly amount of people to get to their destination. Before getting stopped by a possible fan. The little tike holds up a pen and paper.
"Please sir may I have your autograph?"
"滾開不然我就吃了你"
"What did you say? I don't speak panda."
"He said he's very sorry, but he can't write. Now please leave us be."
"Wow! Is that anyway to treat like your only fan?! Without me you'd be in chi-"
*Crunch*
A fountain of blood spews as what was an arm is no more. LiLi roars in anger as he swipes at the pest prolonging his hunger.
"(Hurry up let's get the hell out of here LiLi!)"
The two get out of dodge as a few minutes later they make it to their destination. A dirty little hole in the wall restraunt. On the door reads a sign, if you can finish the ultra platter in under an hour, your meal is free.
"(Finally, we're here LiLi.)"
"這到底是什麼地方？我們在 DB 吃得更好。這真的是 XHF 能為我們提供的最好的嗎？！"
"(Listen the sign says if you win this eating contest, then the meal is free. So get to eating champ! We spent all our money on the hotel room!)"
"讓我們深入探討一下"
The two squeeze into the small shop. As the cashier looks up in awe.
"Is that a giant panda behind you sir?"
"Yes, my friend would like to take part in the eating contest you have advertised."
"The… Panda?" They say perplexed.
"Yes the panda. And that pandas name is LiLi! Dinosaur Bones' eating champion and undefeated pro wrestler!"
"Ok… right this way… uh, sirs?"
She leads them to a table as LiLi sits down and breaks the chair. LiLi falls to the floor, giving them some head room now. After half an hour the server comes back with a giant plate the size of a table. It takes 10 men to carry the behemoth out.
"Before we start the contest, here are the rules. You can't leave the table, you must finish everything before an hour. Now I'll start the timer in three, two, one! Go!"
The timer starts as the panda begins to chow down on a mountain of mashed potatoes. Finishing it in two gulps. LiLi goes onto the sea of peas and sucks them down with ease. After about thirty minutes LiLi is finished with most of it. LiLi finishes off the plate after destroying the chicken tenders and hamburgers. Licking the plate clean they burp loudly. The server stands in awe and disgust at the sight that was seen.
"No one's ever finished the ultra platter before… look at all that food that panda ate!" Exclaims the server.
"This was a snack for my LiLi. Now please bring another." Says the old man.
"Another? Sir we're only allowed one per customer."
The server tries to explain the store policy, but LiLi starts to get angry. Slamming their fists on the table.
"LiLi is still hangry! Quickly, before he does something drastic!"
"You'll have to pay for the next meal sir."
"You'll pay with your life if LiLi doesn't get any food!"
The server begins to panic as the clock ticks away. LiLi grows even more hungry. The hunger unable to go away the panda grabs the server and eats them with one swallow.
They leave the restaurant as we fade into the next scene.
"他們稱紐約為大蘋果，但我最多只見過中等大小的" LiLi says in their ever growing anger and hunger. Lilis handler and father steps from behind them.
"Allow me to translate. LiLi said that New York is called the big apple, but LiLi has only seen average sized apples at best. And this injustice will not do!" Xi Lee proclaims.
"所以我要咬一口史蒂夫，太棒了"
"LiLi is going to… (wait you can't eat your opponents LiLi. Who do you think you are? Dinosaur Bones? We can't steal his only gimmick!)"
"我不在乎那個骷髏！我只關心結束這種難以忍受的飢餓。這並不能阻止父親。"
"Sorry LiLi said he's going to try and take a nibble off of Steve Awesome… I'm trying to tell LiLi you can't do that but nooo. Damned panda is as stubborn as me! So my only advice to you Steve is run! Or bring the biggest apples you can find. Just don't get in LiLis way when they're eating!"
"是因為沒有什麼能比得上嬰兒的甜味嗎？畢竟，它們在家裡的垃圾箱裡是一毛錢一打。"
"(We are in New York so there may be a few around, but that's beside the point. We're here to eat the best New York has to offer and kick some c list "actors" ass into next week! Besides he called your hat stupid!)"
That last bit made LiLis ears perk up. The panda was now furious. Because that hat wasn't stupid. In fact all the other pandas back home were jealous of how cool and hip it was.
"聽著，史蒂夫！我的帽子並不傻。唯一愚蠢的是你那張醜陋的臉，你這個混蛋！"
"The only thing stupid is your ugly face dipsh- (language!) You unpleasant poop stain! Listen here Steve "Awesome" the only thing awesome about you is the fact your somehow still relevant after all of the horrible movies you make bombed! July 16th you face the biggest, baddest and best panda to ever grace an XHF ring!"
"但我們在街上打架"
"It doesn't matter if it's an eating contest or a wrestling match. LiLi will make sure the world remembers their name! And we're bringing Dinosaur Bones on the map! Maybe he won't eat us after how good of a job we do. Or maybe he'll finally give LiLi that meal we've been asking for."
"Either way, your toast! Because even if you are a two time x crown champion and current hardcore champion. Even if you are the first real opponent LiLi has faced, we're gonna eat our vitamins, say our prayers and kick your fake ass all over Harlem! Get ready punk. And the hats not stupid. It's way more awesome than you'll ever be!"
The giant panda had a yellow and red hat on its head. The panda had also worn a fancy vest with the DB logo and "Eating Champion" On the back of it. The giant panda was named LiLi and they were undefeated in professional wrestling. Only losing one eating contest to a mutt.
But this was the biggest challenge of Lilis life. They were fighting against a former X*Crown champion. The current XHF Hardcore Champion. A legend in this sport and network. But LiLi wasn't worried about Steve or even the possibility of being eaten by Dinosaur Bones in his fruitless attempts to fatten up the giant mammal. No, LiLi was more worried about this unquenchable, undeniable never ending hunger. Being led by their father, mentor and manager, Xi Lee the panda roars in discomfort.
"我餓了爸爸"
"(I know LiLi. We should almost be there.)"
"我需要食物"
The old man leads the panda down the busy streets to their destination. The sea of humanity is nothing like what they're used to back home. But neither is aliens, dinosaurs or Americans. Either way the hungry panda is starting to get hangry as their belly growls.
"我現在需要食物!"
"(I know young one. Just a few more minutes.)"
They continue to push through the ungodly amount of people to get to their destination. Before getting stopped by a possible fan. The little tike holds up a pen and paper.
"Please sir may I have your autograph?"
"滾開不然我就吃了你"
"What did you say? I don't speak panda."
"He said he's very sorry, but he can't write. Now please leave us be."
"Wow! Is that anyway to treat like your only fan?! Without me you'd be in chi-"
*Crunch*
A fountain of blood spews as what was an arm is no more. LiLi roars in anger as he swipes at the pest prolonging his hunger.
"(Hurry up let's get the hell out of here LiLi!)"
The two get out of dodge as a few minutes later they make it to their destination. A dirty little hole in the wall restraunt. On the door reads a sign, if you can finish the ultra platter in under an hour, your meal is free.
"(Finally, we're here LiLi.)"
"這到底是什麼地方？我們在 DB 吃得更好。這真的是 XHF 能為我們提供的最好的嗎？！"
"(Listen the sign says if you win this eating contest, then the meal is free. So get to eating champ! We spent all our money on the hotel room!)"
"讓我們深入探討一下"
The two squeeze into the small shop. As the cashier looks up in awe.
"Is that a giant panda behind you sir?"
"Yes, my friend would like to take part in the eating contest you have advertised."
"The… Panda?" They say perplexed.
"Yes the panda. And that pandas name is LiLi! Dinosaur Bones' eating champion and undefeated pro wrestler!"
"Ok… right this way… uh, sirs?"
She leads them to a table as LiLi sits down and breaks the chair. LiLi falls to the floor, giving them some head room now. After half an hour the server comes back with a giant plate the size of a table. It takes 10 men to carry the behemoth out.
"Before we start the contest, here are the rules. You can't leave the table, you must finish everything before an hour. Now I'll start the timer in three, two, one! Go!"
The timer starts as the panda begins to chow down on a mountain of mashed potatoes. Finishing it in two gulps. LiLi goes onto the sea of peas and sucks them down with ease. After about thirty minutes LiLi is finished with most of it. LiLi finishes off the plate after destroying the chicken tenders and hamburgers. Licking the plate clean they burp loudly. The server stands in awe and disgust at the sight that was seen.
"No one's ever finished the ultra platter before… look at all that food that panda ate!" Exclaims the server.
"This was a snack for my LiLi. Now please bring another." Says the old man.
"Another? Sir we're only allowed one per customer."
The server tries to explain the store policy, but LiLi starts to get angry. Slamming their fists on the table.
"LiLi is still hangry! Quickly, before he does something drastic!"
"You'll have to pay for the next meal sir."
"You'll pay with your life if LiLi doesn't get any food!"
The server begins to panic as the clock ticks away. LiLi grows even more hungry. The hunger unable to go away the panda grabs the server and eats them with one swallow.
They leave the restaurant as we fade into the next scene.
"他們稱紐約為大蘋果，但我最多只見過中等大小的" LiLi says in their ever growing anger and hunger. Lilis handler and father steps from behind them.
"Allow me to translate. LiLi said that New York is called the big apple, but LiLi has only seen average sized apples at best. And this injustice will not do!" Xi Lee proclaims.
"所以我要咬一口史蒂夫，太棒了"
"LiLi is going to… (wait you can't eat your opponents LiLi. Who do you think you are? Dinosaur Bones? We can't steal his only gimmick!)"
"我不在乎那個骷髏！我只關心結束這種難以忍受的飢餓。這並不能阻止父親。"
"Sorry LiLi said he's going to try and take a nibble off of Steve Awesome… I'm trying to tell LiLi you can't do that but nooo. Damned panda is as stubborn as me! So my only advice to you Steve is run! Or bring the biggest apples you can find. Just don't get in LiLis way when they're eating!"
"是因為沒有什麼能比得上嬰兒的甜味嗎？畢竟，它們在家裡的垃圾箱裡是一毛錢一打。"
"(We are in New York so there may be a few around, but that's beside the point. We're here to eat the best New York has to offer and kick some c list "actors" ass into next week! Besides he called your hat stupid!)"
That last bit made LiLis ears perk up. The panda was now furious. Because that hat wasn't stupid. In fact all the other pandas back home were jealous of how cool and hip it was.
"聽著，史蒂夫！我的帽子並不傻。唯一愚蠢的是你那張醜陋的臉，你這個混蛋！"
"The only thing stupid is your ugly face dipsh- (language!) You unpleasant poop stain! Listen here Steve "Awesome" the only thing awesome about you is the fact your somehow still relevant after all of the horrible movies you make bombed! July 16th you face the biggest, baddest and best panda to ever grace an XHF ring!"
"但我們在街上打架"
"It doesn't matter if it's an eating contest or a wrestling match. LiLi will make sure the world remembers their name! And we're bringing Dinosaur Bones on the map! Maybe he won't eat us after how good of a job we do. Or maybe he'll finally give LiLi that meal we've been asking for."
"Either way, your toast! Because even if you are a two time x crown champion and current hardcore champion. Even if you are the first real opponent LiLi has faced, we're gonna eat our vitamins, say our prayers and kick your fake ass all over Harlem! Get ready punk. And the hats not stupid. It's way more awesome than you'll ever be!"
