.::The XHF Network Presents: Overheated 2023!::.
Jul 15, 2023 23:43:45 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Venom š·, and 6 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 15, 2023 23:43:45 GMT -5
The XHF Network Presents:
Overheated 2023
July 16th, 2023
The Streets of East Harlem, New York City, New York
As "Tu Y Yo" by Thalia plays over erected speakers a drone shot carries us through the street party that is Overheated in the barrio of New York City, also known as East Harlem. Some of the people dance, some are waiting near the ring setup. We cut to street-level cameras as we see some of the festivities. There are vendors selling snacks, gifts, merchandise. A couple wrestlers are meeting and greeting fans- among them are Randy Angel and Kris Quake who are trying to both advertise Super Sake to some of the fans while also trying to eat all of the food they can find. In another area of the Where's Waldo (or Wally for Brits) crowd we find Joey Hawke trying to discuss the finer points of lucha libre with a child in a wrestling mask, he seems quite serious in this endeavor. Also quite serious is GUNS' Tom Phillips who decided to come and is making serious inroads with the boy's mom. Everyone's heads shoot up when the music dies down and- more importantly- a hand taps on a microphone. In the middle of the ring stands Bonnie Jenkins.
Bonnie Jenkins: WWWWWWWWWWWWELCOME EVERYONE TO THE XHF PRESENTS: OVERHEATED!
She subtly glares at Joey Hawke and Randy Angel (who should have been in their seats by now) as she smiles at the crowd and continues.
Bonnie Jenkins: And on this hot hot day here in NEW YORK CITY!
The crowd cheers, cheap pops always work.
Bonnie Jenkins: ...We have a heck of a show for you! Tonight you get to watch as we decide between eight competitors which four will move on to the Night of Champions main event!
More cheers come from the party crowd as Randy and Joey start weaving their way through the crowd to the commentary table. Tom Phillips tries to escort his target...er...lady friend to somewhere more private, but without Hawke distracting her son she's focused on the show now.
Bonnie Jenkins: On top of that we've got an exciting set of matches- featuring a GRUDGE MATCH as Copycat tries to take his revenge on Zoran Sainovic and a BURNING COFFIN MATCH for the Two Kingdoms Championship!
The crowd is really excited, or just happy because the XHF Network did throw them a party.
Bonnie Jenkins: Without further adieu though I'll turn things over to your broadcasters tonight, Randy Angel and Joey Hawke!
Hawke: PELIGRO! PELIGRO! PELIGRO! BRUUUUUUUUTAL! Sorry, lucha joke. I used to do Spanish commentary.
Randy: Do you even speak Spanish?
Hawke: Glass houses, Randy. Anyway welcome everyone I hope you've been having a great time so far but as Bonnie indicated it's time to HEAT THINGS UP!
There are more cheers, it would seem that the commentary is being piped through the sound system so everyone can hear it.
Hawke: Since all of the matches have been introduced to everyone here and at home let's get to it!
Randy: Overheated is presented by Sup-
Hawke: The XHF Network! Oh look! Bonnie's been patiently waiting in the ring!
He smiles nervously at Jenkins, as she basically did their job today.
"BEEEEEEEEEEEF"
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first. He currently resides in Las Vegas. He is not just a man, but an emoji. He is the current XHF Phoenix Champion. He. Is. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEF
The sounds of āATliensā by OutKast. As the song breaks in BEEF jumps out from behind the curtain landing with a thud that rings out throughout the arena. The big man poses for the crowd to rounds of āBEEEEEEFā before beginning his decent down the ramp. He doesnāt interact with the fans, but gives them a smile until he reaches the ring. Once there he shows off his athleticism by leaping up into the ring apron. He surveys the ring before stepping through the ropes and posing for the crowd one more time in the center of the ring.
Hawke: This monster of a man is one of the few competitors here tonight who had to earn their way into this tournament.
Randy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: Is this all youāre going to add?
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: Sometimes I hate my job.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!
The metal cover of Sim City's "Metropolis" theme starts banging away as THE DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK, Lord Dominicus makes his way out onto the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent. He comes to us from Parts Unknown. He is the DARK LOOOOOOOOORD of the XHF Network. He is Lord Dominicuuuuuuuuuuuus.
Behind him the screen shows pictures of him rolling up other superstars and driving the DominiCruiser in CAR. He gestures to his GRAND VICTORIES on display and the golden CAR Athletic Cup adorned on his groin before strutting down to the ring.
Hawke: The self-crowned most evil man on the Network has his work cut out for him.
Randy: Thatās right Joey. If heās gonna win tonight heāll need to get a big cut ofā¦
Hawke: Donāt say it.
Randy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: Dominicus has been working in CAR for most of the year.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: But he hasnāt let up on his training and heās had a few guest spots.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!
Night of Champions Qualifier
Singles Match
Lord Dominicus (CAR) vs BEEF (DTF)
Singles Match
Lord Dominicus (CAR) vs BEEF (DTF)
The ref calls for the bell as both men stand in the center of the ring. BEEF looks down on the smaller LD and smirks. LD doesnāt take kindly to being looked down on when heās the true dark lord and quickly strikes with three consecutive forearm shots to the massive chest of BEEF. BEEF eats them for breakfast and licks his lips before raising his arms to signal for LD to bring all heās got. LD takes a deep breath and sends a kick to BEEFās leg, a chop to the chest, a leaping forearm to the chin, and a spinning back fist to the chest, but again BEEF doesnāt budge. BEEF lets out a small chuckle and LD shakes his head in frustration. LD then points to the roof and yells something we canāt hear and it causes BEEF to look up. As soon as BEEF looks up LD sends a drop kick full force into BEEFās shin causing BEEF to fall to one knee. LD quickly drops back into the ropes and sends a driving knee to the chest of BEEF knocking him on his back. LD makes the early cover, but BEEF launches him off and through the ropes to the outside before the ref can even drop to the mat to make the count.
Hawke: I wouldāve put a lot of money on LD not being able to get the big man down this early in the match.
Randy: Yeah. Heās surprisingly good at cutting BEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: Please stop.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEEEF down.
BEEF gets to his feet slowly as LD quickly gets up and shakes the cobwebs out from being tossed like a doll. LD gets up onto the ring apron just as BEEF gets to his feet. BEEF grabs at LD, but the quicker LD drops off the apron before BEEF can get him and LD grabs BEEF by the legs and drags him out of the ring. LD quickly grabs BEEF by the wrist before he can regain his bearings and whips him back first into the announce table. BEEF lets out a groan and LD follows in with a running clothesline sending BEEFās back hard into the edge of the table. LD then climbs up on top of the table mounted over BEEF and begins sending right hands to BEEFās head and the crowd counts along 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, on 10 BEEF reaches up and grabs the fist of LD to block, then he lifts LD up and drives him back first into the ring apron with a power bomb!
Randy: That was close.
Hawke: Right? I thought for sure we were going to lose our desk early tonight.
Randy: Instead, we got a front row seat to the power ofā¦
Hawke: No.
LD hits the ground hard grabbing at his back and BEEF falls to his knees and shakes the cobwebs out from the early barrage by his opponent. The ref is being lenient with the count since this decides who goes to the main event of Night of Champions, but he is strongly encouraging both men to get back into the ring. BEEF nods to the ref and gets to his feet and steps on top of LD on his way back to the ring. LD screams in pain as BEEF steps off of him and onto the ring apron. BEEF looks down at his fallen foe and smiles before stepping into the ring. Once in the ring BEEF turns his back on the dark lord and begins taunting the crowd causing a chorus of āBEEEEEEFā cheers to ring throughout the streets of Harlem. BEEF turns his attention back to LD who is now up to his feet on the outside with his back to the ring. BEEF quickly moves to the ropes and reaches through to grab LD and drag him back in, but LD counters with a fist full of baby powder to the face and a leaping European uppercut that rocks BEEF back into the ring.
Hawke: LD is pulling out all the stops here tonight.
Randy: If he was a real man he wouldāve spit Sake into his eyes.
BEEF tumbled back into the ring into a sitting position and even though BEEF is rubbing his face from his angle all the ref could see was the European uppercut. LD quickly gets back up into the apron and sizes up the large man. He leaps over the ropes and runs and nails the big man with a shinning wizard. BEEF hits the mat hard and LD quickly makes the cover. The ref gets to one this time before BEEF powers out.
Randy: That was a hell of a shot.
Hawke: LD has thrown some huge shots and BEEF just keeps powering out.
Randy: He is one tough hunk of BEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: Cut his mic.
BEEF slowly sits up and LD quickly attacks with a barrage of kicks. BEEF puts his arms up to block, but LD just kicks through them with all of his might trying to wear the big man down. Finally BEEF drops his arms and LD takes a step back and sends a hard kick to the side of the big manās head. BEEF tumbles over on his side and LD quickly drops down and pushes him over on his back. LD makes the cover 1ā¦2ā¦ BEEF launches LD up and off of him, but LD was prepared and lands on his feet. He turns his back on BEEF, but keeps watching him over his shoulder as he gets to his feet. BEEF gets up to his feet completely dazed and LD jumps off the ropes and leaps back grabbing LD with a DDT for Demonās Invert! LD quickly makes the cover 1ā¦2ā¦ BEEF rolls his shoulder just in time.
Hawke: Wow. Not sure how BEEF kicked out of that.
Randy: He did, but he's not kicking out as easily as he was. LD might be just one move away from ending this.
Hawke: That was surprisingly insightful.
Randy: Thanks. The guy sitting behind me wrote it on a card and gave it to me.
LD slams the mat in frustration and rolls out of the ring as BEEF rolls over onto his stomach. LD walks over to the time keepers table and retrieves his Midnight Claw and places it on his fist. BEEF pushes himself up to his feet slowly as LD quickly slides back in the ring, but the ref cuts him off. The ref tells him heās going to disqualify him if he doesnāt hand over the Claw. LD reluctantly hands it over and the ref takes it to the corner to get it out of the ring and while the Refās back is turned LD approaches the dazed BEEF and lands the most devastating move in wrestling history, the dick punch. BEEF drops to his knees grabbing his crotch as the ref returns his attention to the match. LD backs up and measures BEEF up and runs for another Shinning Wizard, but BEEF falls flat before LD reaches him.
Randy: DICK PUNCH CITY!
Hawke: Now you owe royalties to SCCW.
Randy: Worth it.
Hawke: With BEEF down Iām not sure what LD has next up his sleeve.
LD stops in front BEEF and sends soft kicks to the head of BEEF to see if heās faking it. BEEF does not react and LD reaches down and lifts him up to his feet after much effort and calls for the Darkness, but before LD can leap backwards with his flip BEEF pushes him off. LD bounces off the ropes and springs back and leaps for a flying cross body, but BEEF catches the Dark Lord right out of the air. BEEF quickly lifts LD up above his head and bench presses the Dark Lord before dropping him into a Power Slam, Pressed BEEF! BEEF drops on top of LD. 1ā¦2ā¦LD tries to kick out but the dead weight of BEEF who collapsed on top of him is too muchā¦3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner and moving on to NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS, BEEEEEEEEF.
Hawke: Wow. BEEF pulled that out of nowhere.
Randy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: LD schooled the rookie, but he just couldnāt overcome the power.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEā¦
Hawke: This isnāt the last weāll see of the Dark Lord in global events I'm sure.
Randy: ā¦EEEEEEEEEEEEF wins.
BEEF slowly gets to his feet and stands up. The ref raises his hand and the adrenaline takes over and itās like BEEF is cured. He climbs up into the second turnbuckle and taunts the crowd to a chorus of āBEEEEEEEFā as LD rolls out of the ring and makes his way back up the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following bout is scheduled for ONE FALL and is a Night of Champions Qualifier match! A winner will be decided by pinfall or submission, or if a wrestler cannot answer the ten count or if the referee signals for a disqualification! This match will have a thirty minute time limit, at which point if a winner has not been decided, a draw will take place and both competitors will be eliminated from the qualifying round!
A drone shot comes in over the buildings and gets a bird's eye view of the streets of East Harlem, New York before coming down and doing a full 360 around the ring, showing the crowd packed in the intersection, the sidewalks, the fire escapes of nearby buildings, and even the rooftops if you can believe it. Folks far and wide, of all races, ethnicity, and cultures were out in East Harlem to celebrate the XHF Over Heated show, as well as the XHF's birthday month!
Randy: (burp) Wel-come ladies and germs!
Hawke: To the best dang wrestling on Planet Earth! Next up we have an excellent display of what sets the XHF apart from any other wrestling network out there.
Randy: A FREAKIN PANDA MAN!
Hawke: Yes, thatās right Randy. LiLi is a 500 pound Panda and Steve Awesome will have to find a way to beat her.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing FIRST! Hailing from Detroit, Michigan! Representing the HardKore World! He weighed in this evening at 238 pounds! A former multiple-time X*CROWN Champion, proud BANG! Bros team member, āthe Hair & Hunk of Hollywoodā, āThe Face of the Franchiseā ā STEVE AWESOME!
All the street lights go into a rave mode, and fans surrounding the street guardrails of East Harlem cheer āThe Face of the Franchiseāsā name. Well, almost all the fans.
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
The music has a dramatic pause, to which fans pause too before singing the next lyrics out loud.
ā¬ "REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!" ā¬
The lights on the East Harlem streets go bright white again, and the audience explodes with life as a flash of green and black flares are shot into the air. Likely a fire hazard for this setting, but screw Mongo ā heās the one paying for insurance for the XHF these days. The chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones plays as Steve walks down the middle of the street to the ring setup in the center of an intersection that the XHF rented out for the day. .
ā¬ Lonely nights/ and a whole lot of wasted time! ā¬
ā¬ If you see her wont you tell her for me ā¬
ā¬ It's better this way to avoid all the misery ā¬
Road blocks seen at the end of each of the streets that the intersection in East Harlem, and guard rails setup ringside on three sides. The fourth side was an open street with a giant projection screen setup from building-to-building to block off the fans seeing behind it, while cars lined the street like guardrails would, all the way down to the ring. Two semi-truck cabs were sitting at the very furthest point where the projector screen was. The semi-truck cabs were bright and clean, pointed at one another with flames painted on their sides, and the XHF logo appearing on each of them as an Overheated flag stood firmly on the back of each Semi-truck cab where their trailer would hitch to.
Hawke: A creative setting we have here tonight in East Harlem, New York huh Randy?
Randy: (burp) You betcha buddy! These fans are a live bunch, and as you can tell probably ā Iāve had my fair share of free drinks due to their kindness and generosity. (burp)
Hawke: It wouldnāt be an XHF event without your trademark burping my friend. Steve Awesome takes to the ring and does his thing here.
Randy: Ah, Steve-o has to take on the Panda of the XHF in LiLi. I ever tell you how I wrestled a Panda before?
Hawke: No I donāt think so pal, but I think Bonnie is ready to get to the next introduction. Letās go down to the ring and get a good shot on her marvelous smile.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing the OPPONENT! Hailing from Mount Wutai, Shanxi, China! Weighing in this evening at 500 pounds! They represent the company Dinosaur Bones! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for ā LILI!
"Trap Dumplings" By Pink Guy plays through the XHF arena as the Xtreme Tron displays the camera again now looking at the East Harlem street and the XHF OverHeated setup for an entrance area. From the entrance curtain we see the giant Panda known as LiLi in a custom Brazilian jiu-jitsu gi as he appears before the OverHeated fans both on the XtremeTron and in-person on the streets of East Harlem. LiLi begins walking down the street, looking both directions and striking fear into the fans that stood close enough to the entrance street.
Randy: Oh to be young and in love again.
Hawke: Pardon my partner and his rambling folks. As we see here, LiLi is a special type of competitor. Matter of fact, she is one that Steve will have to get creative with, should he stand a chance to come away with a victory.
Randy: So he can qualify to go to Night of Champions, right?
Hawke: Correct. OverHeated is all about punching that ticket to Night of Champions. Who will advance, and who will see their dreams slip right out of their hands like sand. Itās going to be a great night and ā Yes! That is the referee signaling for the bell. Letās take it down to the ring.
Night of Champions Qualifier
Singles Match
Steve Awesome (HKW) vs LiLi (DB)
Singles Match
Steve Awesome (HKW) vs LiLi (DB)
DING! Ding! Ding!
The red and yellow hat on LiLi sits firm as the panda from Mount Wutai charges the reigning XHF Hardcore Champion Steve Awesome. Rolling out of the way does Steve and LiLi stops himself in the corner. Jumping on LiLiās back, Steve locks on a sleeper hold and cranks it with all his strength. LiLi walks backwards a few steps before arching his back and bending over quickly, rolling forward like a bowling ball with Steve on his back!
Randy: Steve becomes a pancake after LiLi rolls over him and into the corner.
Hawke: Spinning back kick from LiLi to Steve as he gets to a knee!
Randy: LiLi with a series of strikes that are lightning fast!
Itās all LiLi in the early going as the XHF resident Panda goes after Awesome like a beast possessed. LiLi gets Steve in one corner and then rushes to the opposite corner before charging back at Steve. At the halfway point, LiLi changes from a charge to a roll, now becoming a rolling 500 pound Panda ball! Steve uses the top ropes and pulls himself up out of the way, causing LiLi to crash into the turnbuckle pads and literally shift the ring a few inches!
Hawke: LiLi really got some momentum with that corner rolling attack. Fortunately for Steve Awesome, he saw an escape plan and acted quickly.
Randy: OFF THE TOP ROPE COMES STEVE!
Hawke: Steve hits a high moonsault into a double stomp directly to LiLiās chest!
Steve covers the panda for the pin attempt.
One!
Twoā
Heaving Steve off of him, LiLi sends Steve almost all the way across the ring with a kick out and bench press. The Face of the Franchise looks back from a kneeled position with a face of amazement. LiLi finally crawls to his feet, adjusting his hat so it remains firmly on the center of his head. Steve comes in and begins laying in strikes to the back of the panda, to which he receives a massive swinging paw that knocks him backwards and into the ropes. Rebounding from the swipe, Steve goes for a dropkick and itās ineffective on LiLi. The panda stands there looking down at Steve like āwhat was that supposed to doā.
Randy: Steve finds out that LiLi will be a bigger problem than he thought.
Hawke: Iām fairly sure he knew this obstacle tonight was no ordinary one. LiLi could kill Steve if he chose to, but the Panda has discipline and training. The XHF board of directors only allow animals who meet the guidelines for the sports athletic commission of each state or country an event is hosted at.
LiLi stomps on the leg of Steve and holds him down, before kicking him with the free leg in the side of his thighs and ribs. Finally Steve gets free and rolls to the apron. LiLi comes charging at him and Steve flips over the ropes, rolling off the back of LiLi and running to the opposite ropes. Bouncing off them and returning to a turning panda, Steve ducks a clothesline, springboards off the second rope and grabs LiLi by the back of the head to plant LiLiās face in the canvas with a bulldog!
Randy: Awesome is getting creative in his attempts here to take down the giant panda.
Hawke: Itās no easy feat to take down a seven foot five hundred pound animal that knows martial arts better than it does English.
Steve stomps on the pandaās back before heading to the corner and ascending to the top rope. Waiting for LiLi, who has begun to rise up, Steve jumps and hits a missile drop kick to the upper back of the panda - sending it flying across the ring and knocking the turnbuckles of the far corner off!
Hawke: WHOA! LiLi has just broke the turnbuckle part that holds the ring ropes up!
Randy: So what now?
Hawke: The match goes on. When it ends, ring crew will fix the ring. Thatās how it goes sometimes.
Getting up, Steve Awesome takes in the fallen ropes that surround the twenty by twenty squared circle. This would pose a challenge for the Face of the Franchise, as it had served him well in his offense tonight. Heading towards LiLi who was being helped by the referee in getting the ring ropes off of him, Steve grabs the ropes and pull back, using them to choke the panda as he put his knee in itās back for maximum effect.
Randy: Wouldnāt this be illegal?
Hawke: I donāt think it is now, since the ropes are down, and itās a part of the ring. The referee seems unsure himself, as he checks with the ringside athletic commissioner representative for a clear answer.
Randy: One point to Steve for ring general intelligence I guess.
Pulling on the ropes as much as he can, Steve takes full advantage of the refereeās unsureness. However, LiLi has had enough and hunches over and then flips himself backwards ā but Steveās knee on his back saves him, as Steve lets go of the ropes and is launched backwards to his feet while LiLi back bumps the canvas.
Hawke: What a veteran move by Steve Awesome, keeping that knee on the back saved him from being mashed Awesome-taters.
Randy: Sure did. But me and Quake would have done the same thing, except, better.
Steve slaps the thigh as he positions himself just far enough back that heās within striking distance from the rising LiLi. SUPERKICK! Square on the jaw of the panda, it rocks LiLi, but they are still standing. Another superkick! LiLi reels. Stepping back a few steps, Steve runs and leaves his feet, leaping into the air with a forearm smash that cracks the panda on the bridge of the nose and sends it to its back!
Hawke: Steve takes down LiLi with a series of strong attacks and is now leaving the ring. It looks like heās looking for something under the ring skirt. I donāt know, but I donāt think itās legal to use a weapon in this match.
Randy: Nope, certainly isnāt. All of the qualifier matches are single matches with standard rules tonight. (Burp)
Hawke: Surprised you know that.
Randy: I thought I was scheduled to wrestle tonight until I saw the booking card in the back.
Hawke: Aaah. And we have a ladder being setup in front of us folks!
Randy: Steve ascending the ladder like a gymnast now, and on the topā¦ why is he facing us though? Youāre facing the wrong way Steveā
Leaping backwards with a moonsault into a double stomp, Steve Awesome hits his finishing move the Wrath of the Dragon on the panda LiLi, and takes the leg up for a pin fall attempt.
One!
Two!
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match and qualifying to wrestle at Night of Champions ā Steve Awesome!
Rolling out of the ring, Steve Awesome grabs his XHF Hardcore championship sitting ringside at the timekeeperās table as the bell sounds. The referee drops out of the ring and raises his arm, before Steve takes off up the ramp to get out of dodge. LiLi rolls off the side of the ring and sits by the barricade, shaking its head and holding its chest.
Hawke: What a way to end a match like this! Steve finds a way to still go aerial while dealing with broken ring ropes mid-way through the match.
Randy: A true testament of his veteran ability to adapt and overcome any obstacle. Thatās why Steve has found X*Crown glory more than once.
XHF ring crew surround the ring area and begin working on fixing the ropes, while Steve Awesome stands at the top of the ramp and poses with the XHF Hardcore championship. Fans give Awesome a mixed reaction, as the polarizing iconic XHF wrestler finds success tonight that punches his ticket to go to Night of Champions and fight for the covenant XHF X*Crown Championship.
Randy: There is no telling what the rest of this evening has in store for us, as we just witnessed a one-of-a-kind situation in this match.
Hawke: So true partner. The XHF is not one of predictability. As of now, we are sure of one thing ā Steve Awesome is going to Night of Champions.
SMAAAACK!!!
The sound of a singapore cane hitting the back of Steve Awesome courtesy of Jason Long. Steve drops the XHF Hardcore Championship and falls to his knees as the pain winces in his face. Jason Long unleashes a series of quick ruthless swings with the singapore cane made from bamboo, each one leaving a mark on the Face of the Franchiseās back. As XHF security come to the aid of Steve Awesome, Jason Long finishes what he set out to do ā put Steve Awesome on his back. The XHF Hardcore Championship had created a monster rivalry between Jason Long and Steve Awesome in JROK ā and here was proof it was far from over. Steve gets the aid he needs as Jason Long is pushed back towards the curtain by security ā but not before Long holds up the singapore cane with a toothy smile and yells āIāll see you at Night of Champions Steve!ā
Randy: Steve cannot catch a break when it comes to these attacks huh?
Hawke: A polarizing figure is Steve Awesome. As we have seen before, the XHF Hardcore Championship appears to be a focus point that Steve will have to defend as well at Night of Championsā¦ Double duty, that doesnāt bode well for the Face of the Franchise.
Randy: It sure doesnāt, but its not unusual for Steve really. He has gone multiple times in one night before and come out victorious.
Hawke: That is true. Meanwhile, the ring crew has fixed up the XHF ring here on the streets of East Harlem and it looks like we are in good shape to continue the show.
Randy: Thank goodness, I already cashed that check they wrote me for tonight--
Before Randy finishes his sentence, it's Jason Long who is sent hurling into the security group from behind the curtain. Fans crank their heads to see the Murder Lizard, Jesse Jamester appear from the curtains. Jesse hits a big boot to a security guard before redirecting another guard with a toss into a group of security guards, taking out four of them in total at once. Jesse grabs Jason Long and looks for the Jesterplex, but Jason uppercuts him as the suplex is about to begin. Grabbing the singapore cane, Jason swings it and cracks it over the shoulder of Jesse Jamester. The Murder Lizard winces but immediately pulls his head up and stares at Jason with 'You didn't just do that' eyes. A monster right hits Jason Long, but Long doesn't back down and goes low with a tackle that carries both men through the curtain and out of sight.
Hawke: Whoa! Two attacks within five minutes of this match ending. Steve Awesome has more enemies than friends I think.
Randy: No doubt in that, I don't think he gets out of the BANG! Bros inner circle to mingle much.
Hawke: Up next folks we have the grudge match to end all grudge matches...
Randy: Itās basically the wrestling equivalent of a snuff film.
Hawke: These two competitors first crossed paths in January at the Battle For Hegemony. They then came to blows during the main event of Supremacy. An odd respect was formed, leading to an unlikely friendship that played out across CAR and GUNS before coming to a head at the Rumble ā when Zoran Sainovic caused Copycat to have a miscarriage...
Randy: So graphic-
Hawke: No matter how you choose to interpret the Copycat pregnancy, one thing is certain, its conclusion was a trauma the likes of which the Network has never witnessed before-
Randy: Or god willing, again-
Hawke: Copycat has processed the events, and is now looking to stand up to his former best friend-
Randy: Itās going to be SOOOOOOOO UGLY-
Hawke: I donāt know who still needs to be told this, but viewer discretion is STRONGLY advised. Now without further adieu, letās throw it over to Bonnie for introductio-
Randy: -Like I'm gonna have to drink to forget!
Hawke: They get the picture, Randy!
Randy: Do they?
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contestā¦ is a GRUDGE MATCH... scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit-
"Knights of Cydonia" by Muse plays. Immediately, Copycat runs toward the ring. Without the pregnancy weight, he moves so much quicker - wasting no time as he enters the ring in preparation for this heated feud.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, coming to us from CAR - he stands in at FIVE FEET TEN INCHES TALL and weighs in at ONE HUNDRED AND SSSSSIXTY POUNDS! He is the Prince of Jobbertown; more commonly known as Toronto. He is COPYCAT!
The crowd is kind of uncomfortable, do they cheer him, do they console him for his loss?
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent-
The Heavy's "Big Bad Wolf" blasts over the PA system.
Bonnie Jenkins: Standing at SIX FOOT ONE, AND WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE POUNDS- he come to us from BELGRADE, SERBIA ā THE XHF DEVIL, DER KOMMISSAR, THAT FINAL BOSS-
ZORAAAAAAAAAAAN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINOVIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd jeer as all attention turns to the entranceway.
The music plays for some time, far longer than usual. Possibly a missed cue? The nature of the venue. They can fix it in post. Bonnie repeats the name as a pick-up point.
Bonnie Jenkins: ZORAN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINOVIC!!!
The song starts back up. Cameras try to find more interesting angle of the entranceway for cross cutting purposes on the replay. Still nothing. Third times the charm?
Bonnie Jenkins: Zoran Sainovic!
Again, the song cues up. Chants of boring echo out...
The rude chants soon turn to MASSIVE JEERS as Sainovic appears on the tron.
Zoran Sainovic: Between walking out to ze ring to wrestle a star of my calibre and waiting for ze bell to ring before his subsequent death... Copycat truly is living his best life.
Copycat tries to jump to punch the tron, but itās so high up in the air. Maybe if he jumps? Nope. Well, he keeps trying.
Zoran Sainovic (looking down at Copycat): ...You really have to give ze promoters credit for trying to let him live in zis moment for as long as possible. Certainly, zey must realize zat ...I donāt work ze midcard.
That didn't go over well at all.
Zoran Sainovic: Basically it was false advertising to even claim zis match would occur at so low a rung on ze card. So zey knew zis match wouldnāt happen, but still let you all come out for it anyway. (shakes head) Have zey no shame? (sad smile) Still, I suppose zey should be commended for giving Copycat a stay of execution. (smile fades) If only zeir reasons for zis slight were zat noble. No, ze simple truth is, zey donāt zink very highly of Copycat. No respect. Put zis in context. He basically signed up for ze LAST MATCH of his career. He will NEVER be able to wrestle again when Iām zrough with him, yet despite ze sacrifice he was willing to make... for our sport... for all ze fans... ze XHF brass basically frowned and asked ādo we really need him here?ā So zey buried Copycatās retirement in a place where zey knew I would NEVER be caught dead. A final insult... (flickering sneer) zis isnāt ze first time zat Copycat has been looked down on for putting his heart on ze line. Look back at his long career with ze Network, youāll find an extensive list of federation heads, organizers, announcers, wrestlers, fans, ticket scalpers ā all generally treating him like he was less zan nothing... just for daring to be different. Are Copycatās crimes really so foul zat you needed to mock him zis way on his way out? (shakes head in disgust) ...You bullies should really take a long hard look in ze mirror...
The crowd have started throwing garbage at the tron, mostly hurting each other but also hitting the ring. Trying to get on top of the situation referee Barry Barrington grabs a microphone.
Barry Barrington (looking up at the tron): Zoran Sainovic has a TEN count to get to this ring!
Grudge Match
Singles Match
Zoran Sainovic vs Copycat
Singles Match
Zoran Sainovic vs Copycat
DING! DING! DING!
Barry Barrington: ONE!
Zoran Sainovic (rolling eyes): Hey pal, bite zat guy.
Copycat: Yes, friend-
Without a second thought, Copycat chomps down on Barry Barrington's arm. The referee collapses under the pain, before a wide eyed Copycat realizes that he's being tricked, and stops himself.
Copycat: I mean, NO! You are not the boss of me!
Copycat feels embarrassed he let Zoran trick him into doing his bidding again, then starts trying to help up the bloody Barry Barrington - who shoves him off.
Zoran Sainovic: ...So in conclusion- if you take nothing else away from our little chat, you should all feel deeply ashamed at how you treated poor Copycat over the years. ...If you take TWO zings away from zis, itās zat ZORAN SAINOVIC IS ZE MAIN EVENT.
Referee Perry Pierce hits the ring, and starts to administer a ten count of his own.
Perry Pierce: ONE!
Zoran Sainovic: Hey Copycat-
Not wanting to be tricked into biting another innocent soul, Copycat puts his fingers in his ears and averts his eyes.
Copycat: I am not listening-
Chuckling, Zoran Sainovic flashes a sinister smirk before cutting his feed. As the tron cuts to black, the audience get really HOT.
Perry Pierce: Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and a ten!
DING! DING! DING!
Grabbing his hand, Pierce raises Copycatās hand in victory.
Bonnie Jenkins: Youāre winner of this match as a result of... a forfeit?
COOOOOOOOPYCAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD! THE MATCH WENT BY SO FAST I DIDNāT EVEN KNOW IT HAPPENED! Copycat jumps with excitement! He asks the second referee to pinch him, who promptly leaves in disgust. The crowd feeling cheated by this non-match continue to boo, but their shitty attitudes arenāt going to take away from Copycatās big moment. Arms raised in victory, Copycat struggles to climb the turnbuckles but he does, over, and over, celebrating his greatest moment.
Randy: This is sickening.
Hawke: Oblivious to the dubious nature of this victory, Copycat celebrating like he just single-handedly won the Super Bowl.
Randy: The sorry bastard has no idea-
Hawke: Itās really painful to watch-
Randy: Zoran is going to literally kill that helpless fool for this "win."
Hawke: This non-match basically just cost him his life.
Randy: Whoever buried this in the undercard has a lot to answer for... the death of Copycat for starters.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Audience: ONE FALL!
Bonnie Jenkins: And is a qualifying match where the winner advances to the MAIN EVENT of NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 14!
Fanfare. The works. Everyone is stoked.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, from St Louis Missouri. He stands at SIX-FEET-TALL, weighs in at TWO-HUNDRED-AND-FIVE pounds, and is representing SIN CITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING! ESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR!
The arena dims down to pitch blackness. Two male voices are heard saying, āEMBRACE ā¦ ETERNITYā The new video package for the reborn Nihilists plays on the XtremeTron. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single light brown spotlight illuminates the stage. On the stage stands Gebin, hair flowing, wearing his light up Covid Mask and illuminated battle gloves. He raises his hands and the columns of LED light illuminate the stage in purple. Stepping into the brown spotlight walks Esmur complete with his luchador mask. He steps up and stares into the ring before looking out at the XHF faithful. He is wearing a robe that is adorned with religious iconography from pretty much every religion, the symbols are all drawn on fire for emphasis. He pulls his robe off into his arms and tosses it at his feet as a column of red light illuminates it. He pulls off his mask revealing his face and his trim brown hair and goatee. Gebin follows him and catches the mask as he tosses it. Esmur rolls into the center of the ring and the spotlight illuminates his tights which are long and dirt brown. On the right leg is the Fireside name and a flame decal. On the left leg down the side reads Embrace and Eternity in two columns. His name adorns the seat of the pants. The song and lights fade back to normal as Gebin shares some encouraging words, then departs to the back. This one he knows Esmur has to win on his own.
Hawke: Esmur is no stranger to the global stage, storming the first-ever Tag Team Annihilator tournament with his partner Gebin and winning the XHF Tag Team titles some five months later.
Randy: Not to mention he's also a former FIRESIDE World Champion. Esmur's accomplishments are far and few between but nothing can take away from the fact he's been one of the most reliable workhorses in recent XHF memory and if anyone deserves that chance at the brass ring I think it's Esmur.
"WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT?"
Audience (clap back): Sertraline!
"WHAT DOES EVEDYBODY NEED?"
Audience (clap back): Sertraline!
Florida Man busts out of the crowd wearing a hot pink tuxedo with a leopard print cummerbund. The gator faced luchador has a megaphone in one hand to whip up the crowd, and an air horn in the other for crowd dispersal.
Florida Man: WHO YOU GONNA GET IT FROM?
Audience (clap back): FLORIDA MAN!
Florida Man: Apologies folks, but if y'all thought Esmur was a sorry, simpering, sad sack now... this emo bitch is gonna be suicidal by the time yo boi is through with his Joy Division listening ass. SO YOU SEE, ESMUR IS GONNA NEED ALL MY SERTALINE TO TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN! Don't boo him for Bogarting your fix though... I'll hook you fine folks up with the SWEEEEET stuff latah, but for now? We gotz a life to ruin, then save!
Putting his air horn down his pink suit pants to enhance his package, Florida Man frees up the hand so he can pull out a sack with enough anti-depressants to send Esmur into the void - and make him vegetative... er, happy.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, representing J-RoK... coming to us from the hearts of Floridians everywhere... please give a warm round of applause for FLORIDA MAAAAAAAA-
Having arrived in the ring, FML grabs the microphone away from Bonnie.
Florida Man: FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY - HARLEM, NEW YORK IS FLOOOOOOORIDA COUNTRY!!!!!!
The crowd pop hard for this dubious acceptance, as chants of Florida Man erupt throughout the venue.
Randy: You spoke of Esmur's global accomplishments but Florida Man has had his shares of victories on this stage too Hawke. He is a former Junior Heavyweight Champion, the savior of SKY Force, and has trained Charles into the legitimate fighting force that he is today!
Hawke: Don't tell me you buy into that stuffed cat nonsense too.
Randy: It's J-RoK Hawke. We're nothing but nonsense in Japan! Alleged terrorists, stuffed cats, and various kaiju! Drunks are the least of Kira's concerns!
Night of Champions Qualifier
Singles Match
Florida Man (J-ROK) vs Esmur (SCCW)
Singles Match
Florida Man (J-ROK) vs Esmur (SCCW)
DING DING! DING DING!
Esmur is hopping in his corner, shadowboxing to warm up as Florida Man does some sort of weird kung fu poses and screams. Esmur advances with a grapple trying to take out Florida Man's legs and Flo jumps over Esmur, stomping on the Nihilist's back! Esmur yelps and Florida Man continues his assault, several more stomps on Esmur to get a quick start wearing down the former FIRESIDE World Champ! But one perfectly misplaced stomp gets Esmur the chance to snag Florida Man's scaley boot and trip him up! Esmur grapevines Flo Rida and locks him in an ankle lock, twisting and torquing the leg of the main allegedly known as Jeff Conine! Florida Man screams and claws his way to the ropes and latches on, and the ref begins to count Esmur to drop that hold! One, two, three, four, he lets go! Esmur gets up and stomps on Florida Man's ankle as he backs off! But Esmur pushes forward and begins laying some stiff punches into the former YTA Champion! The rubber mask of the real reptile king rippling with each shot! Esmur showing no remorse!
Hawke: Esmur with a bit of a ruthless streak to start this match!
Randy: Esmur and a large majority of the SCCW roster have taken a backseat to the Gold Rush tournament, with rounds 11 and 12 taking place this upcoming Wednesday and Thursday! But he's had 5 weeks off and hitting the gym between appearances can only burn so much energy Joey! He's got pent up aggression and is ready to burn it!
Hawke: Okay but think about this. Florida Man wasn't on the last J-RoK premium live event. Ignoring the almost daily King of Hokkaido tournament how frequently is Florida Man booked Randy? Even you can attest to the infrequency of Kira's bookings. Shouldn't he have a lot of pent up aggression as well?
Randy: That is just Flodown's ring rust that's costing him here. He should ask for more bookings like Super Sake Presents: Off The Wagon!
Hawke: So you have to beg to get Kira to book you?
Randy: Unimportant. Anyways, check out that knee bar by Esmur!
Esmur got Florida Man back in the middle of the ring and indeed has a knee bar locked in! Flodown can't drag himself anywhere as he's on his back now and just wails in agony! Esmur arches his back to keep the pressure on the Floridian but FM swings his other leg back and clocks Esmur with a kick! Esmur grits his teeth and tries to readjust but Flodown has the opening he needs! Another stiff kick and Esmur is seeing stars! FM breaks out of the submission and army crawls to a position that puts him head to head with Esmur. He grabs Esmur in an overhead choke and begins to Gator Roll him around, Luke Harper style! Just rolling back and forth around the ring! Over to one side then back to the other! Florida Man tries the thing Eddie Guerrero would do mid-Three Amigos, where he'd have the opponent on the ground after a suplex and roll over to get up and nail the second suplex. He chokes Esmur out trying to left him up by the neck but Esmur just goes full limp, erectile dysfunction, dead weight. Florida Man is used to lifting Big Packages but he even struggles with Esmur. He lets go of Esmur as Esmur's on a knee and begins to nail a pretty sweet combo! Square button! Triangle button! Triangle button! Square-he misses the kick! Esmur flops backwards and rolls onto his side, coughing.
Randy: The unorthodox offense that Florida Man brings to the table has certainly stumped Esmur!
Hawke: Let's be real, Florida Man in general stumps everyone.
Flodown pushes Esmur with his foot to the center of the ring and pulls an elbow pad out of his tights. From his crotch. He puts it on. Then he pulls out comically large sunglasses, also from the crotch area of his tights. Edge and Christian style? He puts those on. Then he takes the elbow pad and slowly pulls it off, throwing it into the crowd! He swings his arms around. He runs like Snoop Dogg to one side of the ring! He hits the ropes, running to the other side! Going for a People's Elbow! He hits the ropes and slowly runs into a dropkick from Esmur! The comically large sunglasses fly off! The Nihilist was playing possum! A page out of FM's book! Esmur is panting, coughing and sputtering as Flo lays in the ring! If everyone shuts the fuck up then you can just barely hear...
Florida Man: ...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.........
Everyone: ...
Esmur: I'm not falling for this.
Florida Man: Falling for what? I'm unconscious. Dead.
Esmur: You did this last year at Cruiserfest.
Florida Man: You mistake me for someone else. Besides, that dropkick was as good as my Watchable Guardian's partner's dropkick. Better even!
Esmur: You're not even faking it anymore.
Florida Man: ......beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep..........
Esmur: ...uck's sake.
Esmur goes over to Flo Rida but Florida Man was infact playing possum! Showing Esmur the right way to do the move! The Man from Florida tries to schoolboy Esmur, but he fails and the tag specialist falls on the Floridian.
Randy: Oh no, he sat on him. That is to J-RoK what the piledriver is in Memphis - call the stretcher.
Hawke: He doesn't seem to be selling the accidental butt attack.
Randy: Well his heart was never in J-RoK.
FML kicks out before the ref can get in position and Esmur scowls.
Esmur: I knew it all along!
Florida Man: Schoolboy City, Bitch!
The Leader of the band Florence and the Machine Against J-RoK pumps his fist and BAM! KIRA'S GLASS JAW! ROUNDHOUSE RIGHT! NO, ESMUR GRABS THE ARM AND HIP TOSSES THE TRUE LEADER OF SKY FORCE AND ROLLS INTO AN ARM BAR!
Hawke: The Nihilist Submission Machine wearing Florida Man down with all these submissions!
Randy: Florida Man don't tap Joey! He just gets snapped! Thanos style!
Flodown is screaming as Esmur is cranking on his arm! Esmur is stone faced, twisting the arm of the Man that Florida can't Forget! Flo tries to drag himself to the ropes but Esmur's yanking him back, he's trying to snap off the arm of the J-RoK representative! Florida Man reaches into a pocket in his pants and throws sand in Esmur's eyes!
Florida Man: POCKET SAND!
Esmur: AHHHH! YOU ASS!
Esmur lets go and grabs his eyes, screaming as he tries to rub and claw at his eyes! He rolls out of the ring, stumbling blindly to the nearest fan and taking their drink and flushing his eyes out! While Esmur is doing all of that, FM takes a second to nurse his hurt arm before rolling out of the ring in front of Esmur. Flo pumps his arm like pulling a train whistle and the crowd yells "CHOO CHOOOOOO!" in unison, and FM does a lap around the ring. Esmur regains his eyesight and turns around, to see Flodown spin around and NAIL HIM WITH A REARVIEW! HAYLEY GRIMES STYLE!
Randy: THAT'S THE MOVE THAT EVERYONE IN J-ROK JOBBED OUT TO LAST YEAR!
Hawke: Including you?
Randy: Listen when the boss pays you to do the job, you do the job. Unless the pay is crap. Then you ask for enough to justify jobbing to a transitional champion.
Hawke: And you got it? The money you asked for.
Randy: Nah I refused to job to her. And for my courage and tenacity Kira let Dylan and Zoran job to me!
Esmur is ass blasted by Florida Man and the Man from Florida tosses the Nihilist into the ring and rolls him up. One, two, kickout!
Hawke: Florida Man almost had that!
Esmur is slow to his feet as FM trashes him. Talks smack about his brother, his tag title reign, his Fireside World title reign, REIGN the company, you remember them? Flodown don't remember. He just remembers getting betrayed by his American Pussy partner. And that just makes him madder and madder, so mad that ESMUR SNEAKILY ROLLS THE FORMER JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP UP! ONE, TWO, KICKOUT!
Randy: And Esmur returned the favor! I'd have been so mad if he stole the J-RoK spot from me and lost right here.
Esmur and Florida are on their knees, getting their wits together and plotting a new strategy. FM goes buck wild with crazy blows and super moves while Esmur technically weaves around his attacks and hits him back with sneaky strikes! We see them trade the advantage back and forth and Esmur backs FM up, he goes for a CLARITY as Florida Man is against the ropes but Florida Man his a SNEAKY FRIED CHICKEN! WITH AN ACTUAL PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN! FLORIDA MAN HAS ESMUR RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS HIM! ESMUR STUMBLES TO HIS FEET...
...
THE LIGHTS FLICKER...
...
FLORIDA MAN DOES... SOMETHING?
...
THE LIGHTS ARE BACK ON AND ESMUR'S OUT LIKE... WELL, A LIGHT!
Randy: MURPHY'S LAW! MURPHY'S LAW!
Hawke: What? I didn't see! What happened?
RANDY: SHIT HAPPENS! AND HE WINS!
Florida Man rolls Esmur over and hooks a leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING! DING DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, and advancing to the main event of Night of Champions 14! FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIDA MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Hawke: So what would have happened if Florida Man didn't win?
Randy: Then that move wouldn't have been Murphy's Law.
Hawke: But... he still didn't something!
Randy: Entirely situational though. He can do whatever he wants but it's only Murphy's Law if he wins.
Florida Man celebrates in a way only he knows how. He gets a t-shirt launcher from nowhere, GTA style, and starts firing bricks of drugs into the crowd. The camera quickly cuts to the announcers as security tackles Florida Man and the people he gave free drugs to.
Randy: See, that's why you've got to cut a deal before you start giving out free stuff Flo!
Hawke: Stick around folks, we've got much more to see tonight... after these messages!
The feed cuts to literally anything else as security continues to confiscate the drugs... probably for themselves.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following bout is scheduled for ONE FALL and is a Night of Champions Qualifier match! A winner will be decided by pinfall or submission, or if a wrestler cannot answer the ten count or if the referee signals for a disqualification! This match will have a thirty minute time limit, at which point if a winner has not been decided, a draw will take place and both competitors will be eliminated from the qualifying round!
Randy: Oh, Mrs. von Krauss singles competition coming up.
Hawke: That didnāt sound creepy, at all. (rolls eyes)
Randy: Aye, I know Krauss could kick your ass. Donāt give her a reason to Joey. I mean it.
Hawke: As always, what a pleasure it is working with you Randy. If youāre just tuning in now folks, we have Sam Sawyer of TapOut facing Esmeralda von Krauss of Wrestle:UK in just a few moments. Get your drinks and snacks, because you wonāt want to miss this one!
Randy: Are you doing an infomercial?
Hawke: No, Iāuh never mind, Bonnie is in the ring and ready to make the introductions.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing FIRST! Hailing from Cologne, Germany! Weighing in this evening at 145 pounds! Representing WRESTLE:UK this evening! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for ā ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS!
āGods and Monstersā as sung by Jessica Lange from AHS: Freakshow begins playing as Esmeralda von Krauss walks out from the curtain to the booing crowd. She smiles in her extravagant gown as she lights up an Egyptian cigarette at the end of an ornate foot-long holder.
Hawke: Sheās as tough as they come and can hang with the best of them. Krauss has shown consistent strength in her tenure with the XHF. Tonight, she hopes to punch her ticket to Night of Champions.
Randy: Sawyer better not doubt this woman, or theyāll find out what many a men have when they make Krauss mad. (face cringe)
She makes her way down to the ring where the referee opens the ropes for her. She leans down as she goes through the ropes, eliciting a few cat calls as she does. Once sheās in the ring, she slips the shoulders off of her dress and allows it to slip down to the floor to reveal a black singlet. She tosses the dress to the timekeeper.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing the OPPONENT! Hailing from Houston, Texas! Weighing in this evening at 160 pounds! Representing Tap Out Wrestling! It is my pleasure to introduce to you ā SAM SAWYER!
The street lights dim as a synth bassline begins to play, the foggy neon on the tron becoming the main source of light on the East Harlem streets as the night sky took shape. The tension in the song starts to pick up, and upon reaching the climax, the first verse begins and spotlights from the XtremeTron scatter the asphalt walkway. The fans cheer when Sam Sawyer walks out onto the street, Sawyer showing a calm and focused demeanor as they begins their walk to the ring.
Night of Champions Qualifier
Singles Match
Sam Sawyer (TOW) vs Esmeralda von Krauss (WUK)
Singles Match
Sam Sawyer (TOW) vs Esmeralda von Krauss (WUK)
DING! Ding! Ding!
Sawyer and Krauss circle the ring, seeking that right moment to pounce. Itās Sawyer who does so, going for a grapple and getting a kick to the gut. Krauss with a hard strike to the jaw and a follow up uppercut rock Sawyer into the turnbuckle. Krauss comes in with a back elbow attack!
Randy: Dodged by Sam!
Hawke: Sawyer snatches Krauss up and German suplexes her into the turnbuckles!
Krauss crumbles to the canvas and Sawyer pulls her away from the ropes before going for the cover.
One!
Twā-
Kick out!
Sawyer gets up and pulls Krauss up to her feet. Sending her to the ropes, they go for a kick and Krauss counters, grabbing the boot and spinning them around to deliver a short arm clothesline!
Hawke: Krauss takes Samās head off with a clothesline!
Randy: Right into a sleeper lock to keep Sawyer grounded.
Krauss puts her weight on Sawyerās upper body to keep them grounded but Sam fights their way back up to their feet. As Sam stands, Krauss releases the hold and steps back. Sawyer turns with a wild haymaker that misses and Krauss lands a kick on their left knee. Followed up with a DDT!
Hawke: Planted like a tulip on that exchange!
Randy: Sawyer thought they had it scouted but Krauss was one step ahead of them.
Hawke: Even the best preparation can be foiled.
Krauss rolls Sawyer over and goes for the pin.
One!
Two!
Kick out!
Krauss slaps the mat and looks at the referee, not saying a word, as she sees the zebra stutter a two as he shows two fingers. Krauss pulls Sam to their feet and takes them to the corner. Dragging their eyes on the top rope half the distance of the ring before sending them off with an Irish whip. Sam counters though and drops down, fireman carrying Krauss to her back. Sam grabs the shoulder and applies a half nelson submission, but Krauss wiggles free and boots them in the jaw to get distance.
Randy: Krauss came to fight and itās obvious she is fired up.
Hawke: Right now Sam canāt catch a break. Everything they do she has thwarted.
Krauss is up and goes in for a roundhouse kick, Sawyer ducks and grabs her by the neck before dropping her head on their knee. Hitting the ropes. Sam comes sailing back and delivers a leg drop that makes the ring shake. Quick cover!
One!
Two!
Shoulder up!
Krauss rolls to the apron and Sam follows her. Reaching through the ropes to pick her up, Sam gets guillotined on the second rope by Krauss! She grabs them by the boot and pulls them to the corner post, slamming their left leg on the steel post multiple times!
Hawke: Vicious assault on the leg of Sam Sawyer here!
Randy: No love loss as Krauss seeks to injure her opponent and take the win here in the Overheated qualifier.
Hawke: And a break finally, Sam uses the ropes and with one leg, pushes on the turnbuckle post to cause Krauss to hit the post head first!
Krauss stirring at ringside as the referee has reached a count of five on her. Sam rolls out of the ring and grabs Krauss, tossing her under the bottom rope. Sam climbs the apron and looks to the turnbuckle. They shake their head knowing itās not time and enters the ring. Sawyer lifts Krauss and places her in a piledriver maneuver but is back dropped into the center of the ring!
Randy: Good call by Sawyer, too early to go high.
Hawke: They might have been thinking a Sawyersault would end this.
Randy: And it would have, but they wouldnāt have landed it. Krauss is far from done.
Hawke: Krauss goes for the ADJUSTMENT!
Trying to spin the neck on Sawyer, Esmeralda seeks to inflict as much pain as possible. Sam grabs her by the head with both arms and jumps up before dropping to their butt to deliver a jawbreaker! Krauss springs in the air and lands flat on her back. Sawyer rushes the turnbuckles and leaps backwards!
Randy: SAWYERSAULT!
Hawke: But wait!
Randy: I think they're going for a second!
Hawke: And they land it! Now for the pin!
One!
Two!
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match and qualifying to wrestle at Night of Champions ā Sam Sawyer!
Sawyer has their arm raised as they celebrate the victory and qualifying to go to Night of Champions. Their theme song plays after the bell sounds.
Hawke: What a crazy end to that one! I didnāt see it coming so soon, but Sam Sawyer was not wasting time and saw their opportunity.
Randy: That they did. Any given show, what we think is impossible can happen.
Hawke: Sure can Randy, sure can.
The fans gathered around the ring cheered as they partied onward, and Bonnie Jenkins climbed into the ring. The Ring Crew dragged a coffin from the back, and started to soak it in gasoline. They dumped it all over it, and the crowd murmured.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a BURNING CASKET MATCH for the Two Kingdoms Championship!
Randy: YES!
Hawke: Did she say āBurning Casketā?
The fans cheered, and Bonnie watched them before she lifted the mic.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of the match must shut their opponent inside the coffin and set it on fire!
Randy: I am so here for this!
Hawke: What is wrong with the people in charge of WUK and JROK!
The fans were murmuring and cheering, and then the crowd parted as "Love the way you hate me" by Rising Storm starts to play over the speakers, Darlene comes out eyeing the crowd for a second before she makes her way down to the ring, high-fiving a few random fans here and there, she circles the ring slowly as her song plays, she then steps back, runs and slides onto the ring apron on her knee, she rests her back on the top rope her arms draped over it, she sticks her tongue out to the crowd, she then throws her arms out into the crucifix pose with metal horns, slowly she raises her arms up above her head crossed, then throws them down, she then turns and leaps into the ring, tossing her jean vest off either out of the ring or towards her opponent if they are already in the ring. She goes to her corner and starts to stretch legs waiting for the match to start.
Hawke: These people are very ecstatic to see a terrorist among them!
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering the ring first, representing EVE! Fighting out of Cleveland, Ohio at 145 pounds! She is JROKās Ambassador of violence! She is the reigning JROK New Wave Champion! DARLENE PRICE!
The fans cheered, waving drinks in the air as Dar leaned over the ropes to yell at them.
Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania! He is reigning and defending Two Kingdoms Champion! Weighing in at 210 pounds, this is DONZIG!
āUnsaintedā by Slipknot blasts across the fans, and a few cheer though most boo as Donzig storms from the back. He glares at the ring, adjusting the belt on his shoulders before he walks past the gas soaked casket with a shrug. He throws the belt inside the ring, and then climbs the stairs as Dar glares at him.
Hawke: Dar doesnāt look happy, not that I blame her!
Randy: People who might have burned down Tokyo shouldnāt cast stones!
Hawke: Donzig and his crew of villains have been terrorizing the XHF for two years!
Randy: That was a different Donzig.
Hawke: No one believes that!
WUK/J-ROK Two Kingdoms Championship
Burning Coffin Match
Donzig (c) vs Darlene Price
Burning Coffin Match
Donzig (c) vs Darlene Price
Donzig steps into the ring, reclaiming the belt before he holds it high as he steps to Dar. The ref starts to try and get them apart, but Dar shoves him aside before delivering a hard slap across the face of Donzig. He steps back, frowning as he lifts a hand to rub at his cheek. And Dar delivers another slap, and a third before she starts throwing punches and kicks that rock him back into the ropes. The fans are cheering on Dar, and she stomps away from Donzig to yell back at them before she charges in to deliver a brutal knee to the ribs of the one time Scourge! Donzig doubles over, shaking his head before Dar hits the ropes to deliver the āFash Stampā! But Donzig dodges aside, and delivers a hard clothesline across Darās throat as she turns in surprise. The fans jeer as Dar is knocked sprawling, and Donzig starts to stomp away at her. The fans jeer, and Donzig drops back as he waits for Dar to rise before he runs in to deliver a brutal knee to her ribs.
Hawke: What does Dar need to do to win this?
Randy: Dar is one of the best strikers in XHF, and sheās fast.
Donzig snarls, grabbing Dar to fling her through the ropes as the East Harlem crowd boos. And he glares at them, shaking his head before steps through the middle rope to go after her. But the Ambassador of Violence is on her feet, and lunges forward to take out his legs! Donzig drops from the apron, and the fans cheer wildly. Dar leans against the barricade, laughing wildly before she grabs a bottle from one of the fans to take a swig!
Hawke: Was that rum?
Randy: Only one way to find out someone get me that bottle!
Dar takes another swig, and then steps forward as she produces something from her pocket! She sprays rum at Donzig, and flames erupt as he staggers back in surprise rubbing at his face and beard. The fans are going wild, and Dar grabs him to start battering his head against the apron. Once. Twice. Three times!
Hawke: You know he deserves this.
Dar grabs Donzig by the beard, and drags him towards the ringpost with ill intent. And she goes to crack his head into it, but Donzig flares back to life. He grabs Dar and slams her into the ringpost as he unleashes a string of obscenities. Then he lifts her, hitting a huge backdrop that cracks her across the top of the barricade and dumps her into the fans.
Randy: Hey! It is rum!
Hawke: Why would someone get you the damned bottle? Dar is staggering to her feet among the fans!
The fans are cheering Dar onward, and even slapping her back as she looks around. Donzig comes flying through the fans with fists flying, throwing punch after punch to rock her backwards before he grabs Dar by the head to fling her through the fans who scramble out of the way. Dar bounces off the barricade, and Donzig curses once more.
Randy: Oh, this looks bad!
Hawke: The fans are scrambling to get away from these two!
Donzig roars in, knee aimed at Darās head. But she rolls aside, and Donzig slams hard into the old school barricade which bends and wobbles as he slams into it. His momentum sent him over the top!
Randy: Well, this one is still a little reckless!
Dar looks around and then jumps onto the barricade before coming off to wrap her legs around his head. HURRICARANA! Donzig is down, and the fans are going insane as Dar delivers a few curses and screams of her own. She stomps around the outside, and grabs Donzigās arm to drag him across the asphalt towards the coffin.
Hawke: I guess no one told Donzig that Dar has not been pinned or submitted in JROK for over a year!
Randy: Do you think he would care?
Hawke: What?
Randy: This guy assembled a team of people who hated each other to fight the Pillars of Violence to amuse himself? He called himself the New God of Extreme to irritate Spike Kane? He casually started a war with the Von Krauss twice? Heās not the most stable of minds.
Dar stops every so often to deliver a few kicks, battering away at Donzig before she hauls him to his feet. She shoves him against the coffin, laughing before she steps back before she fires off a kick! Donzig ducks under the kick, grabbing Dar as he spins around to drop her with a cradle suplex into the casket! The fans groan, and he grabs for the lid! Fire explodes from inside the coffin, and flames lick across the wood as the lid is flung back as Dar rises from inside as Donzig covers his eyes as he stumbles back.
Dar: WHO IS THE BLACK WIZARD NOW, BITCH?!?!
Fans: THIS IS AWESOME! THIS IS AWESOME!
Hawke: Dar could have lit the coffin up right there!
Randy: I donāt think she cares!
Donzig glared, and for a second his face becomes an expressionless mask. His eyes narrowing as he wipes at his mouth with his wrist. A few fans in the front row back up, and Dar laughs wildly as he comes to his feet. But then that cold look disappears, and he charges in at full speed! Dar leaps off the casket, and it rocks wildly as Donzig plows into it before she starts battering kicks at his legs and ribs. The fans are on their feet in East Harlem!
Hawke: Dar trying to keep Donzig off balance and wear him down!
Randy: Not an easy task, Donzig seems to like punishment!
Dar grabs Donzig once more, and flings him towards the small stage nearby. A DJ Booth dominates it, though the DJ and his crew run for cover as Donzig bounces against the stage. He grabs at his back, and then turns as Dar leaps at him before he flings her over his head to the stage! He scrambles up behind her, and bounces her head against the stage! The fans jeer as he spins the tables before lifting the mic.
Donzig: 'Uh, I think about more than I forget
But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat....'
Dar leaps across the turntables, tackling him as the fans cheer her on. She grabs a stack of vinyls, and smashes them across his head as he staggers back.
Dar: YOUāRE NOT LIL WAYNE!
The fans are going wild around the stage, and Dar fires off a kick! But Donzig grabs her leg, dragging her in to snap his elbow across her face. Then he tosses her across the stage, and she nearly falls from the edge. He grabs some cable, and starts snapping it across her back like a whip as Dar howls.
Randy: Uh oh, I think heās getting agitated!
Hawke: He is going to have to do better than that to beat Dar!
Donzig wraps the cord around her throat, looping it before he leans back hard witha snarl. His teeth bare as Dar claws at the cable, trying to get a finger under it! Donzig drags her back and forth, snarling before he flings her towards the edge of the stage! Dar dangles inches from the ground as her face reddens, and Donzig leans over her with a wild grin.
Hawke: You see this shit? All these claims he is a changed man! He is hanging Dar!
Randy: She did try to burn him like three times tonight!
Dar twists at the end of the cable, dropping suddenly to jerk Donzig off balance! And then she bends upwards, and drives a stiff Pele Kick into his head. He staggers back, and Dar drops to the ground panting. Donzig curses, and stalks forward only to be caught with an RU486 as Dar leaps back onto the stage! The fans explode, and chant āDar!ā as Donzig is down. She stalks back and forth on the stage, and then drops into a crouch as she motions for him to rise.
Hawke: She canāt be serious! EXECUTIVE ORDERS!
Donzig and Dar go falling into the crowd, and the place is going wild as they cheer around the downed pair. They point and pose, and a few scramble to get away as the place is on their feet as Dar stumbles to her own. She nods at Donzig, grinning before she leans into the fans. The former head of Donzig-gun sits up, clearly slowing down as he tugged at his beard. Then he stumbled to his feet, staggering a bit as he held at his back and ribs. His eyes narrowed on Dar, who spread her arms as she walked forward as the crowd moved back.
Dar: Come on!
Donzigās eyes narrowed, and his face twitched before he started throwing heavy rights. The fans scatter as best they can as Dar is rocked backwards, and he grabs her arm to jerk her forward for a short arm clothesline! Then he looks around wildly, and runs at a heavy-set fan before he leaps to bounce off the manās stomach!
Hawke: LIONSAULT!
Donzig rolls off holding his ribs as the fans are going crazy! Both of them are down, and the East Harlem is eating it up as Donzig climbs to his feet. Dar rolls over on her hands and knees, holding her ribs as she starts to stumble forward through the fans. Donzig stalks after her as they head for a catering table nearby covered in food. The fans are cheering around them, and Dar turns to fire off a series of elbows into Donzigās head. He ducks back, and Dar spins to level a kick at his head. Donzig moves aside, and he drives a boot into her stomach!
Hawke: REAPERāS TOUCH!
The table explodes as Dar is driven through it, food flying through the air spattering the fans as Donzig sits in the wreckage. He laughs wildly, wiping it from his shirt before he stands once more with a smirk at Dar.
Hawke: I am not sure how these two are standing!
Randy: There had better be more salsa!
Donzig lifted Dar from the mess, flinging her across his shoulders as he swayed on his feet. Then he staggers forward, carrying her through the crowd as he headed for the coffin. The fans clapped and cheered them onward even as he kicked the barricade open. He dumps Dar on the ground, and then opens the casket with a smirk. The fans groan, and Donzig shrugs as he runs a hand across the gas soaked wood before he looks down at Dar. Then he hauls her upwards, but Dar starts firing off elbows into his face and head. He drops her again, and Dar delivers a hard kick to his wounded ribs! The fans cheer, and Donzig is bent across the casket before Dar slams the lid down on his back once, twice! She starts to shove him inside, but Donzig pushes back before he spins around!
Hawke: EVENT HORIZON!
Dar is down, and the fans are stunned as Donzig laughs wildly again as he leans against the casket. Then he leans forward, mocking and cursing her before he stands up. The Two Kingdoms Champion lifts the lid to the coffin, and then bends over to grab Dar.
"Get on your knees and bow down
Yeah, I come alive, I'll survive, take on anything
So paint a target on my back let 'em come for me
I don't fall, don't quit, don't ever sleep
'Cause, I'm on another level that you'll never reach
If you seek forgiveness
You'll get nothing, you'll get nothing from meā¦"
Yeah, I come alive, I'll survive, take on anything
So paint a target on my back let 'em come for me
I don't fall, don't quit, don't ever sleep
'Cause, I'm on another level that you'll never reach
If you seek forgiveness
You'll get nothing, you'll get nothing from meā¦"
East Harlem explodes, and the crowd parts after a moment to reveal Spike Kane staring at Donzig before he charges through them. Donzigās eyes widen in surprise, and then he moves to meet Spike with a snarl. But Spike started hammering punches at him, and then flings him hard at the coffin! The whole thing topples over, and it lands on the ground as Spike nails Donzig with the THUNDERSTRUCK! The fans explode, and Spike nods grimly before he scans the crowd before he heads for the back.
Hawke: Spike Kane once again attacking Donzig at an XHF event! This is insanity!
Randy: He hit him with a truck!
Hawke: You said he was a different guy!
Dar is back on her feet, and she looks around before her eyes focus on the downed Donzig who is slowly pushing himself upwards. And the Ambassador of Violence wastes no timeā¦
Hawke: FASH STAMP!
Donzig is down, slumped across the coffin as Dar laughs. Donzig is out cold, and the fans are going crazy as Dar points at her waist before holding up two fingers. And then she grabs Donzig, tossing him inside of the coffin before she slams down the lid. She looks around with a smile, and then produces a match.
Randy: This could be over!
The match is struck, and Dar shrugs before she steps away to fling it on the coffin! Flames race across itās surface, leaping into the air as she poses before it. And then the ring crew runs forward, spraying it down as Bonnie Jenkins stands.
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner and NEW Two Kingdoms Champion, DARLENE PRICE!
The fans are going wild in East Harlem, as Dar is handed the belt as EMTs are dragging Donzig from the casket. And the fans are on their feet, chanting.
Fans: DAR DOS BELTS! DAR DOS BELTS!
Credits:
LD/BEEF- Scorps
Steve/LiLi- JJ
Zoran/Copycat- Mosler
Esmur/FM- Dylan
EVK/Sam- JJ
Donzig/Dar- Donzig
LD/BEEF- Scorps
Steve/LiLi- JJ
Zoran/Copycat- Mosler
Esmur/FM- Dylan
EVK/Sam- JJ
Donzig/Dar- Donzig