Post by Visit Neom on Jul 17, 2023 23:13:27 GMT -5
London, England
AKA Not New York City (More on that later!)
( We see Marty Donovan killing time in a vintage football kit store. Disney’s favorite wrestler looks through a rack of football jerseys before turning to the camera, smiling.)
Marty: Bet you guys never expected to see me back in WUK. I know that my last run here was the furthest thing from a success. Blame it on a poor choice of partners. I’ll be honest, it was hard to get excited about a nine hour, transatlantic flight when you know what’s waiting on the other side is No-Brain Crane. The guy’s just a charisma vacuum. He also needs to burn that awful purple suit, strutting around like the roid rage equivalent of Willy Wonka.
(He chuckles, picking up one of the shirts for closer inspection.)
Marty: But hey, life is all about second chances, right? I’ve cut ties with The Anointed, now I walk the straight and narrow. So it’s only fitting that I’ve come back here with an open mind. It turns out The UK is actually pretty cool! I just had to get over its gargantuan sized sin of birthing Bloodied Fox.
(Marty places the shirt back on the rack.)
Marty: Though, part of the new Marty Donovan’s shtick is telling the truth. I need to be honest with you all about something. I never expected to make it to this tag team tournament. Rather, I should say that I didn’t expect my partner to make it.
(He shakes his head, a mix of disbelief and amusement on his face.)
Marty: Florida Man has been making my life hell for the last few months. The guys kept begging to tag with me. I finally caved and said yes, on paper anyway.
(He chuckles.)
Marty: I only suggested WUK because I never believed he’d get through customs. Florida Man's got a reputation. He's known for a few... extracurricular activities involving substances that would even make Ursula blush.
(Marty sighs.)
Marty: So you can imagine my surprise when I turn on the TV and see that luchador sitting among the guests of honor at Wimbledon, hobnobbing with the upper crust of society. I mean, come on, gators are supposed to nibble off fingers not crumpets!
(He shakes his head, on the wall is a framed photo of Flordia Man tipping his hat to Kate Middelton.)
Marty: I am now trapped in this whirlwind of a tag team partnership. Despite how aggravating I find that wrasslin’ reptile, us winning has reached Thanos levels of inevitable.
(Marty shrugs.)
Marty: Consider this. Yours truly is currently one half of the XHF World Tag Team Champions! My partner? That’s the best part. I essentially didn’t have one. I single handedly bested four skilled competitors while my girlfriend’s middle-aged father watched.
(Marty smiles proudly.)
Marty: Deacon Oldham is about as far from a wrestler as you can imagine! He’s just your bland, run of the mill, former wartime member of SEAL Team Six. That’s not the kind of person you can rely on in a fight, but it didn’t stop me from winning the gold.
(He waves his hand dismissively, as if brushing away any doubts.)
Marty: Ollie’s old man doesn’t know a wrist lock from a limited edition, Nightmare Before Christmas Burger King Kids Meal wristwatch. It didn’t matter. No pair of wrestlers can match the violent imagineering of Disney’s Marty Donovan.
(Marty pats his chest proudly, a smug expression on his face.)
Marty: Don’t get me wrong, some of the teams have talent, none more so than Kilroy and The Sheik. Both of these men have shed blood and won Hardkore gold. I’m not worried though. Why?
(Marty whispers to the camera.)
Marty: Kilroy is my best buddy. He loves me. I mean, really loves me. It didn’t even matter that I spent the last year being a complete dick to him. We have a true Elsa and Anna dynamic. Sheik on the other hand is rude just because I mailed him a few cosplays of Prince Ali. There is no way those two function as a team. Anna would never let anyone hurt Elsa.
(The Disney spokesperson smiles, thinking about his loyal friend.)
Marty: The team that has me the most concerned is Sinclair and EVK. Not that either of them are any good, I just mean the optics. My girlfriend hates that I wrestle as is. Can you imagine what would happen if she sees some young redhead giving me the Hell’s Gate? At that point I’d rather deal with Zoran’s knife.
(Marty shudders at even the thought.)
Marty: Normally I would address Rage and Cage, but the SAG-AFTRA strike prevents me from acting…like anything they have ever done was interesting. Instead, a message to the Dark Stars. I am a big fan of your work. Please don’t go back in time and prevent me from being conceived at that Doobie Brothers concert.
(Florida Man runs in with a packed suitcase.)
Florida Man: Is WUK a torture chamber from the 1500s?
Marty: Figuratively? Sure, but I believe you’re thinking of the Tower of London.
Florida Man: Whoops, looks like I confused the upcoming PPV with that ancient castle. Turns out the WUK show is actually in New York City.
(Marty looks like he is about to explode in anger.)
Marty: 18 hours of travel for nothing…
Florida Man: Don’t be so harsh. It’s not every day you get to visit the city where The Beatles were born.
(Marty screams like mad man and storms out of frame. The shot fades out on a confused Florida Man.)
AKA Not New York City (More on that later!)
( We see Marty Donovan killing time in a vintage football kit store. Disney’s favorite wrestler looks through a rack of football jerseys before turning to the camera, smiling.)
Marty: Bet you guys never expected to see me back in WUK. I know that my last run here was the furthest thing from a success. Blame it on a poor choice of partners. I’ll be honest, it was hard to get excited about a nine hour, transatlantic flight when you know what’s waiting on the other side is No-Brain Crane. The guy’s just a charisma vacuum. He also needs to burn that awful purple suit, strutting around like the roid rage equivalent of Willy Wonka.
(He chuckles, picking up one of the shirts for closer inspection.)
Marty: But hey, life is all about second chances, right? I’ve cut ties with The Anointed, now I walk the straight and narrow. So it’s only fitting that I’ve come back here with an open mind. It turns out The UK is actually pretty cool! I just had to get over its gargantuan sized sin of birthing Bloodied Fox.
(Marty places the shirt back on the rack.)
Marty: Though, part of the new Marty Donovan’s shtick is telling the truth. I need to be honest with you all about something. I never expected to make it to this tag team tournament. Rather, I should say that I didn’t expect my partner to make it.
(He shakes his head, a mix of disbelief and amusement on his face.)
Marty: Florida Man has been making my life hell for the last few months. The guys kept begging to tag with me. I finally caved and said yes, on paper anyway.
(He chuckles.)
Marty: I only suggested WUK because I never believed he’d get through customs. Florida Man's got a reputation. He's known for a few... extracurricular activities involving substances that would even make Ursula blush.
(Marty sighs.)
Marty: So you can imagine my surprise when I turn on the TV and see that luchador sitting among the guests of honor at Wimbledon, hobnobbing with the upper crust of society. I mean, come on, gators are supposed to nibble off fingers not crumpets!
(He shakes his head, on the wall is a framed photo of Flordia Man tipping his hat to Kate Middelton.)
Marty: I am now trapped in this whirlwind of a tag team partnership. Despite how aggravating I find that wrasslin’ reptile, us winning has reached Thanos levels of inevitable.
(Marty shrugs.)
Marty: Consider this. Yours truly is currently one half of the XHF World Tag Team Champions! My partner? That’s the best part. I essentially didn’t have one. I single handedly bested four skilled competitors while my girlfriend’s middle-aged father watched.
(Marty smiles proudly.)
Marty: Deacon Oldham is about as far from a wrestler as you can imagine! He’s just your bland, run of the mill, former wartime member of SEAL Team Six. That’s not the kind of person you can rely on in a fight, but it didn’t stop me from winning the gold.
(He waves his hand dismissively, as if brushing away any doubts.)
Marty: Ollie’s old man doesn’t know a wrist lock from a limited edition, Nightmare Before Christmas Burger King Kids Meal wristwatch. It didn’t matter. No pair of wrestlers can match the violent imagineering of Disney’s Marty Donovan.
(Marty pats his chest proudly, a smug expression on his face.)
Marty: Don’t get me wrong, some of the teams have talent, none more so than Kilroy and The Sheik. Both of these men have shed blood and won Hardkore gold. I’m not worried though. Why?
(Marty whispers to the camera.)
Marty: Kilroy is my best buddy. He loves me. I mean, really loves me. It didn’t even matter that I spent the last year being a complete dick to him. We have a true Elsa and Anna dynamic. Sheik on the other hand is rude just because I mailed him a few cosplays of Prince Ali. There is no way those two function as a team. Anna would never let anyone hurt Elsa.
(The Disney spokesperson smiles, thinking about his loyal friend.)
Marty: The team that has me the most concerned is Sinclair and EVK. Not that either of them are any good, I just mean the optics. My girlfriend hates that I wrestle as is. Can you imagine what would happen if she sees some young redhead giving me the Hell’s Gate? At that point I’d rather deal with Zoran’s knife.
(Marty shudders at even the thought.)
Marty: Normally I would address Rage and Cage, but the SAG-AFTRA strike prevents me from acting…like anything they have ever done was interesting. Instead, a message to the Dark Stars. I am a big fan of your work. Please don’t go back in time and prevent me from being conceived at that Doobie Brothers concert.
(Florida Man runs in with a packed suitcase.)
Florida Man: Is WUK a torture chamber from the 1500s?
Marty: Figuratively? Sure, but I believe you’re thinking of the Tower of London.
Florida Man: Whoops, looks like I confused the upcoming PPV with that ancient castle. Turns out the WUK show is actually in New York City.
(Marty looks like he is about to explode in anger.)
Marty: 18 hours of travel for nothing…
Florida Man: Don’t be so harsh. It’s not every day you get to visit the city where The Beatles were born.
(Marty screams like mad man and storms out of frame. The shot fades out on a confused Florida Man.)