Your Vantablack Savior
Aug 2, 2023 20:32:24 GMT -5
Eron Hunter and "The High Roller" Wesley Crane like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 2, 2023 20:32:24 GMT -5
*A foghorn, the sounds of waves hitting a marine vessel- these are the sounds we hear as slowly the camera fades in on the DARK LORD OF CAR WUK as he leans against the DominiCruiser. Lord Dominicus appears to be on some sort of barge, in the area where the cars are parked. He looks out at the water for a bit. Finally he turns his attention to the camera.*
LD: I’m sure the paperwork has already gone through, so you guys know that I’m on my way to you in the United Kingdom. That’s right, Lord Dominicus, SCOURGE OF WUK- well, the REAL Scourge, not the guy who uses that as a nickname has signed on to actually work there. You might be asking yourself why.
*He nods and then goes over to the side of the garish car. He leans in through the window and produces a paper with names written on it.*
LD: Well, originally my plan had been to come and finally take my revenge. After all, somehow I wasn’t voted as the biggest guest star on that joke of an awards show. But …
*The bastion of EVIL looks at the list and then back at the camera.*
LD: …As it turns out Wrestle: United Kingdom has had A LOT of turnover in the last 8 months or so. So most of these people I wanted to beat? Looks like you did that for me. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t such an embarrassing statistic for a company. Well I guess that’s one mission accomplished.
*He rips up the list and throws it to the wind where no doubt some of the names end up floating in the ocean.*
LD: So then why is Lord Dominicus- the REAL Lord Dominicus coming to WUK?
*His frame eases back onto the car for relaxation.*
LD: I’m coming to keep WUK from becoming Hardkore World’s B-show.
*He lets that sink in.*
LD: I mean, let’s be honest here. The only people who aren’t double-dipping are freaks and weirdoes- except for Eron, he’s cool. Not that I blame your so called “top stars.”
*That comes with air quotes.*
LD: It’s not like the Mississippi Men or Ham and Fist really light up marquees the same way, or generate the headlines that promoters generally want to have. Speaking of Rage and Cage, I’m surprised that the Dark Stars or Team Fairtex haven’t called them a slur yet.
*He DominiThinks a moment.*
LD: …Then again, maybe they have. Since the only people who watch this are white trash and Tories of course we wouldn’t hear any complaints about it. Oh I’m sorry, that was a redundant sentence, I should say that only white trash watch WUK- also known as “That other show that has Wesley Crane on it.”
*Pause for a moment.*
LD: Look, I don’t want to drag my new employer and its so-called talented through the mud too much- well I do but I digress. Here’s a booking pro tip: Next time the XHF Network holds a global show and you and big brother Hardkore World decide to dress the same just make it a three-way. That could have saved us all a lot of time from having to watch so much Kalmin Watts- or wasted bandwidth for all his extra promos.
*There’s no movement for a few seconds.*
LD: I’m rolling my eyes. You just can’t see because of the mask.
*Beat.*
LD: But anyway yeah, since you managed to drive out the Cowards before I got here- which props to you on that- now it seems that WUK is lacking in anyone at the top who isn’t openly cuckolding them with Jonnie Valentine’s company.
*He puts up his arms defensively.*
LD: Look, I’m not here to kink shame; if you’re into that kind of thing go for it. But I’m here to give your poor abused fans something to actually watch aside from those guys from Hardkore World doing you a favor by appearing on shows. A REAL star. A shining BLACK LIGHT for everyone to focus on and to fill in the massive vacuum left by much lesser performer’s egos.
*Dominicus squares up and looks straight into the camera.*
LD: Hello, I’m Lord Dominicus, Wrestle: United Kingdom’s vantablack savior. I’m going to break this company down and rebuild it in my likeness because it massively needs an image makeover. If it makes your oddly mostly southern roster feel better, they can think of it like one of those inane reality shows they like so much.
*He moves his hands over his head like he’s displaying a marquee.*
LD: “EVIL Eye for the Awful Fed”- ok, maybe we need to workshop the name more. The point is that I’m here to take your garbage and make it GLOW IN EVILNESS!
*WUK’s self-appointed image consultant leans back on his car again.*
LD: So is anyone gonna stand up and tell me I'm wrong? No? I suppose that’s not surprising, conservatives tend to talk about how bad-ass they are while hiding in the corner. Well that's ok, I'm sure Mr. Blood will cycle me through everyone as the weeks pass. Anything to avoid getting more texts from people asking why they’re facing Psychotic Goth again, you know?
*He shrugs nonchalantly then leans back onto the hood of the DominiCruiser. It’s a beautiful day on the high seas and Lord Dominicus doesn’t seem interested in wasting any more of it on WUK. He leans back as the scene fades.*
LD: I’m sure the paperwork has already gone through, so you guys know that I’m on my way to you in the United Kingdom. That’s right, Lord Dominicus, SCOURGE OF WUK- well, the REAL Scourge, not the guy who uses that as a nickname has signed on to actually work there. You might be asking yourself why.
*He nods and then goes over to the side of the garish car. He leans in through the window and produces a paper with names written on it.*
LD: Well, originally my plan had been to come and finally take my revenge. After all, somehow I wasn’t voted as the biggest guest star on that joke of an awards show. But …
*The bastion of EVIL looks at the list and then back at the camera.*
LD: …As it turns out Wrestle: United Kingdom has had A LOT of turnover in the last 8 months or so. So most of these people I wanted to beat? Looks like you did that for me. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t such an embarrassing statistic for a company. Well I guess that’s one mission accomplished.
*He rips up the list and throws it to the wind where no doubt some of the names end up floating in the ocean.*
LD: So then why is Lord Dominicus- the REAL Lord Dominicus coming to WUK?
*His frame eases back onto the car for relaxation.*
LD: I’m coming to keep WUK from becoming Hardkore World’s B-show.
*He lets that sink in.*
LD: I mean, let’s be honest here. The only people who aren’t double-dipping are freaks and weirdoes- except for Eron, he’s cool. Not that I blame your so called “top stars.”
*That comes with air quotes.*
LD: It’s not like the Mississippi Men or Ham and Fist really light up marquees the same way, or generate the headlines that promoters generally want to have. Speaking of Rage and Cage, I’m surprised that the Dark Stars or Team Fairtex haven’t called them a slur yet.
*He DominiThinks a moment.*
LD: …Then again, maybe they have. Since the only people who watch this are white trash and Tories of course we wouldn’t hear any complaints about it. Oh I’m sorry, that was a redundant sentence, I should say that only white trash watch WUK- also known as “That other show that has Wesley Crane on it.”
*Pause for a moment.*
LD: Look, I don’t want to drag my new employer and its so-called talented through the mud too much- well I do but I digress. Here’s a booking pro tip: Next time the XHF Network holds a global show and you and big brother Hardkore World decide to dress the same just make it a three-way. That could have saved us all a lot of time from having to watch so much Kalmin Watts- or wasted bandwidth for all his extra promos.
*There’s no movement for a few seconds.*
LD: I’m rolling my eyes. You just can’t see because of the mask.
*Beat.*
LD: But anyway yeah, since you managed to drive out the Cowards before I got here- which props to you on that- now it seems that WUK is lacking in anyone at the top who isn’t openly cuckolding them with Jonnie Valentine’s company.
*He puts up his arms defensively.*
LD: Look, I’m not here to kink shame; if you’re into that kind of thing go for it. But I’m here to give your poor abused fans something to actually watch aside from those guys from Hardkore World doing you a favor by appearing on shows. A REAL star. A shining BLACK LIGHT for everyone to focus on and to fill in the massive vacuum left by much lesser performer’s egos.
*Dominicus squares up and looks straight into the camera.*
LD: Hello, I’m Lord Dominicus, Wrestle: United Kingdom’s vantablack savior. I’m going to break this company down and rebuild it in my likeness because it massively needs an image makeover. If it makes your oddly mostly southern roster feel better, they can think of it like one of those inane reality shows they like so much.
*He moves his hands over his head like he’s displaying a marquee.*
LD: “EVIL Eye for the Awful Fed”- ok, maybe we need to workshop the name more. The point is that I’m here to take your garbage and make it GLOW IN EVILNESS!
*WUK’s self-appointed image consultant leans back on his car again.*
LD: So is anyone gonna stand up and tell me I'm wrong? No? I suppose that’s not surprising, conservatives tend to talk about how bad-ass they are while hiding in the corner. Well that's ok, I'm sure Mr. Blood will cycle me through everyone as the weeks pass. Anything to avoid getting more texts from people asking why they’re facing Psychotic Goth again, you know?
*He shrugs nonchalantly then leans back onto the hood of the DominiCruiser. It’s a beautiful day on the high seas and Lord Dominicus doesn’t seem interested in wasting any more of it on WUK. He leans back as the scene fades.*
COMING SOON TO WUK: LORD DOMINICUS
