Post by Old Line Jeff on Aug 7, 2023 3:37:31 GMT -5
“I’m growing increasingly uncomfortable with this entire situation.”
Two women were in wrestling ring training and three men were sitting on folding chairs outside the ring.
Ronnie Long, the W:UK Commonwealth Championship belt around his waist for no other reason than pride that he finally won it, had been more in his headspace than watching the ring. The steady ‘thwap, thwap’ of legs on a kicking pad was sort of hypnotic. Plus, the fact that it was his own sweet wife producing those thwaps was still not exactly setting right somewhere in his brain.
But at least he’d given her very little reason to kick him.
Daeriq Damien, on the other hand, had given her plenty of reasons to kick him over the years.
“You probly should be.”
“Yep. Your best bet would be to just let Deanna kick you til she got bored with it. Or maybe thread that fuckin’ needle and try to fight back just enough that she’s proud of kicking your ass without fighting back enough that it makes her mad. Or, y’know, makes Heidi mad.”
Jeff Andrews, beer in hand and John Deere trucker cap pulled low over his eyes, was looking at the rafters instead of the ring.
(For those unfamiliar with Ronnie Long’s training setup, he and Deanna have a barn much bigger than it needs to be for their farming, so he set up a ring to practice in in the part of the barn he doesn’t use for barn stuff.)
Heidi Christenson was holding the kickpads and occasionally stopping Deanna to issue further instructions.
“Because Heidi’d hurt you a lot worse than Deanna could.”
“I picked up the implication. You didn’t have to elaborate.”
“This’s ‘Merica, I’ll implicate and elaborate all the fuck I want.” Andrews downed the last of his beer.
Cole Christenson walked into the barn and leaned against the doorframe. He watched the girls in silence for a moment, then looked at Ronnie.
“Shouldn’t the defending champion be the one busy training in the ring?”
“Ronnie is engaging in the fine American tradition of drinking beer while his woman does all the work. Now you can criticize and fuck off, or be cool and drink a beer.” Andrews answered for Long.
Christenson sat down in a chair that creaked in protest.
“In actuality it may seem like we’re being lazy and drinking beer, but this is actually part of my plan to get my client and your Commonwealth Champion ready to defend his belt against Olympia.”
“Mmm.” Christenson said dubiously as he cracked open a beer.
“Indeed so. Olympia is a female wrestler who is trying to improve her game after a prolonged period of being lost in the shuffle. Deanna has a different reason for trying to improve her game, one that she hasn’t disclosed to us, but conceptually, it is the same.” Damien said, and drank a beer.
“Yep.” Long said, and drank a beer.
“Now maybe it’s just the beer talking…” Damien picked up another beer and took a long sip. “But I was wondering. Does Amanda Nunes exist in this continuity?”
“She’s a public figure in the world of professional sports. If Wesley Crane can beat up Tom Brady and not get sued and arrested for it, then certainly we can mention Nunes for… wait, why are you bringing her up?”
“Because I was going to compare Olympia to her.” Daeriq Damien seemed so pleased with his point. “Now, here is the thing. Remember back to 2009 when Ronda Rousey-”
“Wait, does Ronda exist? She worked for WWE after MMA and we usually pretend they don’t.”
“Bro if you keep asking questions like that you’re gonna break the fucking timestream.”
“It’ll be alright. We got through Ken Shamrock without breaking the time stream.”
“Yeah. A lot more dudes would like to have sex with Ronda Rousey than with Ken Shamrock though.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Okay, okay. Let us then say that if not Ronda personally, then Some Other Armbar Chick existed and was ruling MMA in the late 2000s while Nunes was considered a dangerous but ultimately limited fighter who would go in swinging hard fast and stupid and if she couldn’t get a first round stoppage, gas out and get torn apart. And when she beat Tate, and Armbar Chick, and whoserface, and that other woman, people still thought she was just getting lucky. It wasn’t until she beat Cyborg that anyone took Nunes seriously.”
“Well, I know Olympia’s improved, but she hasn’t done the pro wrestling equivalent of beating Cyborg. Are we really, seriously talking about Olympia getting so good she’s going to mow through me, then through everyone that matters and then set the blade of the proverbial mower so low that nobody else can even get good enough to matter?”
Jeff Andrews took a deep breath. “Honestly, I could tell y’all about one woman who did exactly that.” He pointed in the ring at Heidi, who was still holding the kickpads. “She did mow through everyone who mattered in the IWA, and that included you and you.” He pointed at Damien, then Long.
“You’re saying that Olympia’s good enough to be the next Heidi Christenson?”
“He’s saying you don’t want to be the next me and be the first guy she taps.”
Ronnie considered this.
“Yeah well someone already ended my never-tapped-out streak so it’s not like Olympia can do that. Oh you didn’t think of that one did you?”
“She can take your title though.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right and it is time to stop drinking beer. Let’s finish up that case so that there’s no more beer to drink.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Mhmm.”
Two women were in wrestling ring training and three men were sitting on folding chairs outside the ring.
Ronnie Long, the W:UK Commonwealth Championship belt around his waist for no other reason than pride that he finally won it, had been more in his headspace than watching the ring. The steady ‘thwap, thwap’ of legs on a kicking pad was sort of hypnotic. Plus, the fact that it was his own sweet wife producing those thwaps was still not exactly setting right somewhere in his brain.
But at least he’d given her very little reason to kick him.
Daeriq Damien, on the other hand, had given her plenty of reasons to kick him over the years.
“You probly should be.”
“Yep. Your best bet would be to just let Deanna kick you til she got bored with it. Or maybe thread that fuckin’ needle and try to fight back just enough that she’s proud of kicking your ass without fighting back enough that it makes her mad. Or, y’know, makes Heidi mad.”
Jeff Andrews, beer in hand and John Deere trucker cap pulled low over his eyes, was looking at the rafters instead of the ring.
(For those unfamiliar with Ronnie Long’s training setup, he and Deanna have a barn much bigger than it needs to be for their farming, so he set up a ring to practice in in the part of the barn he doesn’t use for barn stuff.)
Heidi Christenson was holding the kickpads and occasionally stopping Deanna to issue further instructions.
“Because Heidi’d hurt you a lot worse than Deanna could.”
“I picked up the implication. You didn’t have to elaborate.”
“This’s ‘Merica, I’ll implicate and elaborate all the fuck I want.” Andrews downed the last of his beer.
Cole Christenson walked into the barn and leaned against the doorframe. He watched the girls in silence for a moment, then looked at Ronnie.
“Shouldn’t the defending champion be the one busy training in the ring?”
“Ronnie is engaging in the fine American tradition of drinking beer while his woman does all the work. Now you can criticize and fuck off, or be cool and drink a beer.” Andrews answered for Long.
Christenson sat down in a chair that creaked in protest.
“In actuality it may seem like we’re being lazy and drinking beer, but this is actually part of my plan to get my client and your Commonwealth Champion ready to defend his belt against Olympia.”
“Mmm.” Christenson said dubiously as he cracked open a beer.
“Indeed so. Olympia is a female wrestler who is trying to improve her game after a prolonged period of being lost in the shuffle. Deanna has a different reason for trying to improve her game, one that she hasn’t disclosed to us, but conceptually, it is the same.” Damien said, and drank a beer.
“Yep.” Long said, and drank a beer.
“Now maybe it’s just the beer talking…” Damien picked up another beer and took a long sip. “But I was wondering. Does Amanda Nunes exist in this continuity?”
“She’s a public figure in the world of professional sports. If Wesley Crane can beat up Tom Brady and not get sued and arrested for it, then certainly we can mention Nunes for… wait, why are you bringing her up?”
“Because I was going to compare Olympia to her.” Daeriq Damien seemed so pleased with his point. “Now, here is the thing. Remember back to 2009 when Ronda Rousey-”
“Wait, does Ronda exist? She worked for WWE after MMA and we usually pretend they don’t.”
“Bro if you keep asking questions like that you’re gonna break the fucking timestream.”
“It’ll be alright. We got through Ken Shamrock without breaking the time stream.”
“Yeah. A lot more dudes would like to have sex with Ronda Rousey than with Ken Shamrock though.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Okay, okay. Let us then say that if not Ronda personally, then Some Other Armbar Chick existed and was ruling MMA in the late 2000s while Nunes was considered a dangerous but ultimately limited fighter who would go in swinging hard fast and stupid and if she couldn’t get a first round stoppage, gas out and get torn apart. And when she beat Tate, and Armbar Chick, and whoserface, and that other woman, people still thought she was just getting lucky. It wasn’t until she beat Cyborg that anyone took Nunes seriously.”
“Well, I know Olympia’s improved, but she hasn’t done the pro wrestling equivalent of beating Cyborg. Are we really, seriously talking about Olympia getting so good she’s going to mow through me, then through everyone that matters and then set the blade of the proverbial mower so low that nobody else can even get good enough to matter?”
Jeff Andrews took a deep breath. “Honestly, I could tell y’all about one woman who did exactly that.” He pointed in the ring at Heidi, who was still holding the kickpads. “She did mow through everyone who mattered in the IWA, and that included you and you.” He pointed at Damien, then Long.
“You’re saying that Olympia’s good enough to be the next Heidi Christenson?”
“He’s saying you don’t want to be the next me and be the first guy she taps.”
Ronnie considered this.
“Yeah well someone already ended my never-tapped-out streak so it’s not like Olympia can do that. Oh you didn’t think of that one did you?”
“She can take your title though.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right and it is time to stop drinking beer. Let’s finish up that case so that there’s no more beer to drink.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Mhmm.”