Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 12, 2023 22:28:53 GMT -5
Death Trap: What’s the point …
*The scene opens up in the base of operations for Dr. Chaos’s crew of clients, in North Carolina. Death Trap, former 2 time X*Crown Champion, former longest reigning Tag Team Champion, XHF Legend … and man who lost to Nelly Angel … tries to be absorbed into the upholstery of a particularly deep arm chair as he clicks off the TV.*
Funaki: Hey! Why did you turn off the TV!? I was watching that!
Death Trap: Funaki … I’ve gone from the highest of highs, on the run of my career, legitimizing everything I said I was to those people who kept naysaying. “Oh DT can WIN sure but he never holds the belts.” “Oh DT is a legend sure! In that every story about him is a fable, exaggerated to make him look good.” “Oh DT! He’s the guy who keeps losing to Donzig!” “Isn’t that the loser who Bloodied Fox turned into ground chuck and tried to make hamburgers out of and had to be saved by his wife’s best friend with a tranq gun?”
Funaki: … That sure does sound like you buddy!
*DT just lowers his hands from his face and glares at his friend.*
Death Trap: Funaki, those … WERE INSULTS!
Funaki: At least they remember you! Besides, your buddy Funaki is here for you! You could never do anything to make me hate you the way Gravedigger does!
*DT glares at him again and tries to put on his bowler hat, only to remember that this was given to him by the most psychotic man to ever exist … Zoran Sainovic … and it is 1/8th of a size too small. WHO DOES THAT!?*
Death Trap: I appreciate the sentiment buddy, but I’m not in the mood. Why do we even have to race?
Dr. Chaos: Because Mary helped us save you from Zoran and gave us a great deal out of it. All she asks is that you occasionally race, and if that GUNSBAG shows his face at CAR, you kick his ass.
*Chaos has walked into the room from outside the rental property and plops a bunch of supplies on the ground as she stretches her weary arms. Notably … she is alone.*
Death Trap: … Just put me back in the Sarlacc Pit. I don’t wanna race. I don’t have a single bowler hat that fits me anymore. And I have gone in one month from top of the world to biggest joke in the network. I lost to Yuki … She KNOCKED ME OUT! I mean surely that’s enough for retirement.
Funaki: Oh come on, she’s a champion and we in Japan love her!
Death Trap: You a fan of Armand’s treasure trove of circus kinkery and cuckery? Cuz what’s the excuse for losing to Sticky the Clown …
Funaki: You WERE recently destroyed by Bloodied Fox right before that … You beat Jack Diamond! He was a world champ at the time!
Death Trap: I beat Jack … and a 90 year old man. I lost to Jayson Matthews.
Funaki: Oh come on that’s not-
Death Trap: And Nelly Angel.
Funaki: Well- wait-
*Funaki processes this info and remembers how Nelly keeps stealing all his interviewing jobs. Even as he continued to wrestle he continued to be the ultimate heel, stealing jobs from helpless more talented immigrants! Funaki huffs … and stands up.*
Death Trap: Funaki?
Funaki: I’m uh … gonna get some food. You … uh … you do you.
*Funaki walks out*
Dr. Chaos: Well that was awkward. Is he gonna be ok to keep the car working alright for the race?
Death Trap: No. Considering he doesn’t know an alternator from an accelerator. I do everything for my car. Well with the Forest Force when I need more hands. Funaki is public relations. Since you are too busy being the on staff doctor.
Dr. Chaos: Why are you so depressed? You have been on losing streaks before. You have dealt with crap like this before. Is losing a few matches in a tournament while coming off a year of wrestling at the highest level and then nearly dying in the ring … TWICE … I guess technically one was a parking lot sand pit in Atlanta …. You being rusty can be excused! You are still the most competent male wrestler I employ!
*DT glares at her as this isn’t saying much.*
Death Trap: I just … I need a new hat. I need something to be my comfort. Where is my wife?
Dr. Chaos: She is not going to help you pick out a bowler hat.
Death Trap: FINE! It can be ANY hat I just need something to feel like ME again. I need my confidence back. I need some wins under my belt! … HONEY ARE YOU HERE?
Dr. Chaos: Sarah is out with the Beahrs helping them scout beaches. You have the house to yourself. Play some video games or something?
Death Trap: Chaos … Charlotte … where is my wife?
*She sighs and rolls her eyes*
Dr. Chaos: She just went out to do something. She’ll be back after that Disney sponsored show.
Death Trap: I didn’t know she liked Disney.
Dr. Chaos: Of course! Who doesn’t like Disney?
Death Trap: Cross Recoba? … Wait isn’t that a wrestling show? What’s she doing there?
Dr. Chaos: Oh nothing, just going to stand up for herself and her family.
Death Trap: Oh Lord, Bob Iger is after us now?
Dr. Chaos: Oh nothing that bad, she just mentioned something about wearing something foxy. Maybe acquiring a crown.
Death Trap: Oh that’s good. Wait, she hates wearing sexy stuff in public. She’s very conservative in dress and reserved in her public appearances. What could inspire her to do this?
Dr. Chaos: Oh something about teaching Bloodied Fox a lesson and beating him up and taking his title to show him who’s boss.
*DT laughs and wipes his brow.*
Death Trap: Oh phew is that all. Ok well if that’s all then I guess- AWHAAAAAA??????? SHE WENT TO DO WHAT?
Dr. Chaos: Fight Fox? Alone? X*Crown?
Death Trap: … …
*DT has a quick flashback to his match and then faints on the spot.*
Dr. Chaos: … Drama queen.
*Fade*
*The scene opens up in the base of operations for Dr. Chaos’s crew of clients, in North Carolina. Death Trap, former 2 time X*Crown Champion, former longest reigning Tag Team Champion, XHF Legend … and man who lost to Nelly Angel … tries to be absorbed into the upholstery of a particularly deep arm chair as he clicks off the TV.*
Funaki: Hey! Why did you turn off the TV!? I was watching that!
Death Trap: Funaki … I’ve gone from the highest of highs, on the run of my career, legitimizing everything I said I was to those people who kept naysaying. “Oh DT can WIN sure but he never holds the belts.” “Oh DT is a legend sure! In that every story about him is a fable, exaggerated to make him look good.” “Oh DT! He’s the guy who keeps losing to Donzig!” “Isn’t that the loser who Bloodied Fox turned into ground chuck and tried to make hamburgers out of and had to be saved by his wife’s best friend with a tranq gun?”
Funaki: … That sure does sound like you buddy!
*DT just lowers his hands from his face and glares at his friend.*
Death Trap: Funaki, those … WERE INSULTS!
Funaki: At least they remember you! Besides, your buddy Funaki is here for you! You could never do anything to make me hate you the way Gravedigger does!
*DT glares at him again and tries to put on his bowler hat, only to remember that this was given to him by the most psychotic man to ever exist … Zoran Sainovic … and it is 1/8th of a size too small. WHO DOES THAT!?*
Death Trap: I appreciate the sentiment buddy, but I’m not in the mood. Why do we even have to race?
Dr. Chaos: Because Mary helped us save you from Zoran and gave us a great deal out of it. All she asks is that you occasionally race, and if that GUNSBAG shows his face at CAR, you kick his ass.
*Chaos has walked into the room from outside the rental property and plops a bunch of supplies on the ground as she stretches her weary arms. Notably … she is alone.*
Death Trap: … Just put me back in the Sarlacc Pit. I don’t wanna race. I don’t have a single bowler hat that fits me anymore. And I have gone in one month from top of the world to biggest joke in the network. I lost to Yuki … She KNOCKED ME OUT! I mean surely that’s enough for retirement.
Funaki: Oh come on, she’s a champion and we in Japan love her!
Death Trap: You a fan of Armand’s treasure trove of circus kinkery and cuckery? Cuz what’s the excuse for losing to Sticky the Clown …
Funaki: You WERE recently destroyed by Bloodied Fox right before that … You beat Jack Diamond! He was a world champ at the time!
Death Trap: I beat Jack … and a 90 year old man. I lost to Jayson Matthews.
Funaki: Oh come on that’s not-
Death Trap: And Nelly Angel.
Funaki: Well- wait-
*Funaki processes this info and remembers how Nelly keeps stealing all his interviewing jobs. Even as he continued to wrestle he continued to be the ultimate heel, stealing jobs from helpless more talented immigrants! Funaki huffs … and stands up.*
Death Trap: Funaki?
Funaki: I’m uh … gonna get some food. You … uh … you do you.
*Funaki walks out*
Dr. Chaos: Well that was awkward. Is he gonna be ok to keep the car working alright for the race?
Death Trap: No. Considering he doesn’t know an alternator from an accelerator. I do everything for my car. Well with the Forest Force when I need more hands. Funaki is public relations. Since you are too busy being the on staff doctor.
Dr. Chaos: Why are you so depressed? You have been on losing streaks before. You have dealt with crap like this before. Is losing a few matches in a tournament while coming off a year of wrestling at the highest level and then nearly dying in the ring … TWICE … I guess technically one was a parking lot sand pit in Atlanta …. You being rusty can be excused! You are still the most competent male wrestler I employ!
*DT glares at her as this isn’t saying much.*
Death Trap: I just … I need a new hat. I need something to be my comfort. Where is my wife?
Dr. Chaos: She is not going to help you pick out a bowler hat.
Death Trap: FINE! It can be ANY hat I just need something to feel like ME again. I need my confidence back. I need some wins under my belt! … HONEY ARE YOU HERE?
Dr. Chaos: Sarah is out with the Beahrs helping them scout beaches. You have the house to yourself. Play some video games or something?
Death Trap: Chaos … Charlotte … where is my wife?
*She sighs and rolls her eyes*
Dr. Chaos: She just went out to do something. She’ll be back after that Disney sponsored show.
Death Trap: I didn’t know she liked Disney.
Dr. Chaos: Of course! Who doesn’t like Disney?
Death Trap: Cross Recoba? … Wait isn’t that a wrestling show? What’s she doing there?
Dr. Chaos: Oh nothing, just going to stand up for herself and her family.
Death Trap: Oh Lord, Bob Iger is after us now?
Dr. Chaos: Oh nothing that bad, she just mentioned something about wearing something foxy. Maybe acquiring a crown.
Death Trap: Oh that’s good. Wait, she hates wearing sexy stuff in public. She’s very conservative in dress and reserved in her public appearances. What could inspire her to do this?
Dr. Chaos: Oh something about teaching Bloodied Fox a lesson and beating him up and taking his title to show him who’s boss.
*DT laughs and wipes his brow.*
Death Trap: Oh phew is that all. Ok well if that’s all then I guess- AWHAAAAAA??????? SHE WENT TO DO WHAT?
Dr. Chaos: Fight Fox? Alone? X*Crown?
Death Trap: … …
*DT has a quick flashback to his match and then faints on the spot.*
Dr. Chaos: … Drama queen.
*Fade*
