Hardkore Heroes (Simon Cruise - Hardcore Heaven)
Aug 27, 2023 12:59:49 GMT -5
Kira Izumi and Cross Recoba like this
Post by scruise on Aug 27, 2023 12:59:49 GMT -5
Chiba, Japan.
Onjuku Beach.
A sky blue surfboard stands upright, its base firmly planted in the sand. Not unlike the black obelisk in 2001, the object draws attention, with a group of children crowding around it. A miscommunication between Simon Cruise and Marty Donovan, saw HKW's resident surfing authority cut down Disney World's Swiss Family Treehouse and turn it into this board. The craftsmanship is impressive. Unfortunately, coming from the Magic Kingdom - the board is enchanted, having eyes and a mouth. Looking like a cartoon, it is little wonder that the object is attracting so any minors. Fortunately the tots are Japanese, and don't understand the stream of curse words that the ill-tempered plank vomits up.
Robinson: Heroes 4 Hire, you (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)ed (bleep) mother's (bleep) with a side of steaming (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) in the (bleep).
I like to think that all Disney objects are sentient, and if they could talk, that is what they would sound like.
Robinson: Named after the (bleep)ing comic were we? What were (bleep)ing X-Men, Fantastic (bleep)ing Four, Wild (bleep) Pack, and the X-(bleep)ing Terminators all taken? Well much like your comic namesakes get (bleeping) ready, because MARVEL is going to (bleep)ing own you miserable (bleep)s. Oh it's just a phrase, and un(bleep)ing related that you just happen to (bleep)ing have the same lame (bleep) gimmick? Capable of doing good but only when someone gives you a (bleep)ing buck? How noble. My (bleep)ing heroes. -WELL (bleep) OFF, DOUCHEBAGS WITHOUT BORDERS! How does that (bleep) even (bleep)ing work in a wrestling context. There is a booker. He gives you (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)s the pairings. What, you only fight heels if he pays extra? (bleep)! You have any (bleep)ing clue how bad it looks to have a (bleep)ing gaijin (bleep)ing leader? This is the great white (bleep)ing hope, and these are his Japanese (bleep)ing servants. You're in Japan for (bleep)'s sake! Shimada, Shinobu, between the TWO of you, grow a (bleep)ing pairing put Storm down.
The children are mesmerized by the talking object, and decide to learn English from it.
Simon Cruise: Sorry little dudes and dudettes.
The Hardkore West Coast champion picks up the board, careful to keep the mouth away from his body - as Cruise has been bitten by the foul mouthed monster before.
Simon Cruise: Primo waves coming up.
Robinson: I was in the middle of telling Mark Storm how to improve his business model.
Taken aback at how thoughtful Robinson is being, the former HKW ring boy pauses.
Simon Cruise: Really? That was very considerate, bro.
Robinson: Actually I was describing how I'm going to (bleep) (bleep) bleep) then bite that (bleep)ing halfwit Storm's (bleep) off, and (bleep) down his throat.
Simon Cruise: Well that isn't very cool, bro.
Sighing in embarrassment, Cruise collects the camera so he can record himself hanging 10.
Robinson: Depends what he's into-
Cruise starts to walk down the beach, towards the water.
Simon Cruise: Hardcore Heaven is about two groovy federations getting together and hopefully helping one another. Our fans get a totally radical show, and maybe a few of ours keep watching J-RoK, and a few of there's continue to tune into HKW afterwards. Synergy. Good will. Feel the vibe, bro. To make that work, we can't be throwing random shade.
Robinson: But all I did was call Heroes 4 Hire (bleep)ing (bleep)ed (bleep)s who probably (bleep) their great-uncles because thy can only get it up when (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) with a slinky.
Simon Cruise: Nah bro, those dudes are cool.
Robinson: JUDAS!
Before Robinson can direct his next vulgarity drenched rant at the surfer, Simon drops the board face first into the water.
Robinson: (glug) (glug) (glug)
Little bubbles emerge from the muffled expletives. Kneeling on the board, Cruise starts to paddle himself out to sea.
Simon Cruise: You are so lucky to be located out here, J-RoK. Japan sure is a beautiful country. I'm headed to Maui when the fires die down. It didn't seem appropriate to enjoy the waves in Hawaii with all that suffering... but I need my waves. I've spent a lot of time in Hawaii for my sport of choice. Means a lot that we're all putting on this show there to entertain victims and relief workers - cause who else is out there?
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: A six-man tag for the J-RoK trios championship? RAD. Not sure what me and my compadres did to earn such a prestigious shot - but we are going to make the most of it. Even if we don't walk away with the belts, I have no doubt that the six of us can steal the show! Following another trios match where you know TEMERARIO and Little Dragon are going to pull out all the stops? A ridiculously act to follow - but if anyone can do it, it is the six of us! I mean, Heroes 4 Hire are the longest reigning trios champions in J-RoK's history. SO TIGHT. If anyone knows six man wrestling, and doesn't want to get stood up by the opener, it's those dudes.
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: You might think - Mark Storm, Mitsuo Shimada, Takashi Shinobu have been teaming for SO LONG that there is NO WAY a rag tag team of randomly assembled workers from a rival federation have a grommets chance in a bomb. I'll admit - its an upstream battle, but don't underestimate this Hardkore World Regular Army. What you are looking at is a dart board collection of talent. Bullseye, Bullseye, Bullseye. Hat trick! Nah, we could just as easily be Callom Cornwall, Kilroy Evans, and Joey Little Horse - basically any member of the crew that isn't Anointed, and you would be dealing with Hardkore Heroes. And any combination would have a good chance, because Jonnie V doesn't hire chumps. You will be impressed by our fighting spirit.
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: Yeah, it could have been Kalman Watts, Purricane, and Mickie Furry... but I'm glad that I am getting a chance to wrestle the Heroes with Suikerboise and Joe Nobody at my side. Those are two dudes that I have wanted to work with for awhile. And I'd rather be on the same team as Suikerboise, then be opposite him in the ring. Legit, that dude has some mean skills. And Joe was an early adopter, before Awesome, El Rey or Cross. When HKW first came to the Network, a lot of XHF weren't sure what to make of us. Leave 'em, they'll be gone in a month. Not Joe, who is a regular XHF haunt, no, Joe embraced the Hardkore World - willing to give the new guys a chance. That is just the kind of open, generous guy that Nobody is... and you want to talk six-man tags? The dude has experience. So yeah, the team of Cruise, Suikerboise and Nobody might not have worked together as often as the heroes, but there is something to be said for the organic process. Going with the flow. Naturally finding our sweet spot. We Hardkore Heroes might just surprise everyone... but even if we lose, the Hired Heroes are going to be hard pressed to put on a better match with those belts, because this is gonna groove hard.
A large wave approaches. Cruise stands up on Robinson.
Simon Cruise: Guess that's us. Nobody, Suikerboise, you dudes rock. Heroes? Have I got a JOB for you.
Cruise stand-up on Robinson, then gives the camera a wolfish smile.
Simon Cruise: Oh, and J-RoK? Spelling Hardcore with a c? A declaration of WAR.
The wave hits - Simon begins riding it.
Simon Cruise: AWESOME!
As his face is no longer submerged, Robinson spits out water.
Robinson: I can't breathe under water you (bleep)ing (bleep) lowdown (bleep)ing motherless (bleep)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Catch the wave.
Onjuku Beach.
A sky blue surfboard stands upright, its base firmly planted in the sand. Not unlike the black obelisk in 2001, the object draws attention, with a group of children crowding around it. A miscommunication between Simon Cruise and Marty Donovan, saw HKW's resident surfing authority cut down Disney World's Swiss Family Treehouse and turn it into this board. The craftsmanship is impressive. Unfortunately, coming from the Magic Kingdom - the board is enchanted, having eyes and a mouth. Looking like a cartoon, it is little wonder that the object is attracting so any minors. Fortunately the tots are Japanese, and don't understand the stream of curse words that the ill-tempered plank vomits up.
Robinson: Heroes 4 Hire, you (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)ed (bleep) mother's (bleep) with a side of steaming (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) in the (bleep).
I like to think that all Disney objects are sentient, and if they could talk, that is what they would sound like.
Robinson: Named after the (bleep)ing comic were we? What were (bleep)ing X-Men, Fantastic (bleep)ing Four, Wild (bleep) Pack, and the X-(bleep)ing Terminators all taken? Well much like your comic namesakes get (bleeping) ready, because MARVEL is going to (bleep)ing own you miserable (bleep)s. Oh it's just a phrase, and un(bleep)ing related that you just happen to (bleep)ing have the same lame (bleep) gimmick? Capable of doing good but only when someone gives you a (bleep)ing buck? How noble. My (bleep)ing heroes. -WELL (bleep) OFF, DOUCHEBAGS WITHOUT BORDERS! How does that (bleep) even (bleep)ing work in a wrestling context. There is a booker. He gives you (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)s the pairings. What, you only fight heels if he pays extra? (bleep)! You have any (bleep)ing clue how bad it looks to have a (bleep)ing gaijin (bleep)ing leader? This is the great white (bleep)ing hope, and these are his Japanese (bleep)ing servants. You're in Japan for (bleep)'s sake! Shimada, Shinobu, between the TWO of you, grow a (bleep)ing pairing put Storm down.
The children are mesmerized by the talking object, and decide to learn English from it.
Simon Cruise: Sorry little dudes and dudettes.
The Hardkore West Coast champion picks up the board, careful to keep the mouth away from his body - as Cruise has been bitten by the foul mouthed monster before.
Simon Cruise: Primo waves coming up.
Robinson: I was in the middle of telling Mark Storm how to improve his business model.
Taken aback at how thoughtful Robinson is being, the former HKW ring boy pauses.
Simon Cruise: Really? That was very considerate, bro.
Robinson: Actually I was describing how I'm going to (bleep) (bleep) bleep) then bite that (bleep)ing halfwit Storm's (bleep) off, and (bleep) down his throat.
Simon Cruise: Well that isn't very cool, bro.
Sighing in embarrassment, Cruise collects the camera so he can record himself hanging 10.
Robinson: Depends what he's into-
Cruise starts to walk down the beach, towards the water.
Simon Cruise: Hardcore Heaven is about two groovy federations getting together and hopefully helping one another. Our fans get a totally radical show, and maybe a few of ours keep watching J-RoK, and a few of there's continue to tune into HKW afterwards. Synergy. Good will. Feel the vibe, bro. To make that work, we can't be throwing random shade.
Robinson: But all I did was call Heroes 4 Hire (bleep)ing (bleep)ed (bleep)s who probably (bleep) their great-uncles because thy can only get it up when (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) with a slinky.
Simon Cruise: Nah bro, those dudes are cool.
Robinson: JUDAS!
Before Robinson can direct his next vulgarity drenched rant at the surfer, Simon drops the board face first into the water.
Robinson: (glug) (glug) (glug)
Little bubbles emerge from the muffled expletives. Kneeling on the board, Cruise starts to paddle himself out to sea.
Simon Cruise: You are so lucky to be located out here, J-RoK. Japan sure is a beautiful country. I'm headed to Maui when the fires die down. It didn't seem appropriate to enjoy the waves in Hawaii with all that suffering... but I need my waves. I've spent a lot of time in Hawaii for my sport of choice. Means a lot that we're all putting on this show there to entertain victims and relief workers - cause who else is out there?
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: A six-man tag for the J-RoK trios championship? RAD. Not sure what me and my compadres did to earn such a prestigious shot - but we are going to make the most of it. Even if we don't walk away with the belts, I have no doubt that the six of us can steal the show! Following another trios match where you know TEMERARIO and Little Dragon are going to pull out all the stops? A ridiculously act to follow - but if anyone can do it, it is the six of us! I mean, Heroes 4 Hire are the longest reigning trios champions in J-RoK's history. SO TIGHT. If anyone knows six man wrestling, and doesn't want to get stood up by the opener, it's those dudes.
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: You might think - Mark Storm, Mitsuo Shimada, Takashi Shinobu have been teaming for SO LONG that there is NO WAY a rag tag team of randomly assembled workers from a rival federation have a grommets chance in a bomb. I'll admit - its an upstream battle, but don't underestimate this Hardkore World Regular Army. What you are looking at is a dart board collection of talent. Bullseye, Bullseye, Bullseye. Hat trick! Nah, we could just as easily be Callom Cornwall, Kilroy Evans, and Joey Little Horse - basically any member of the crew that isn't Anointed, and you would be dealing with Hardkore Heroes. And any combination would have a good chance, because Jonnie V doesn't hire chumps. You will be impressed by our fighting spirit.
Robinson: (glug)
Simon Cruise: Yeah, it could have been Kalman Watts, Purricane, and Mickie Furry... but I'm glad that I am getting a chance to wrestle the Heroes with Suikerboise and Joe Nobody at my side. Those are two dudes that I have wanted to work with for awhile. And I'd rather be on the same team as Suikerboise, then be opposite him in the ring. Legit, that dude has some mean skills. And Joe was an early adopter, before Awesome, El Rey or Cross. When HKW first came to the Network, a lot of XHF weren't sure what to make of us. Leave 'em, they'll be gone in a month. Not Joe, who is a regular XHF haunt, no, Joe embraced the Hardkore World - willing to give the new guys a chance. That is just the kind of open, generous guy that Nobody is... and you want to talk six-man tags? The dude has experience. So yeah, the team of Cruise, Suikerboise and Nobody might not have worked together as often as the heroes, but there is something to be said for the organic process. Going with the flow. Naturally finding our sweet spot. We Hardkore Heroes might just surprise everyone... but even if we lose, the Hired Heroes are going to be hard pressed to put on a better match with those belts, because this is gonna groove hard.
A large wave approaches. Cruise stands up on Robinson.
Simon Cruise: Guess that's us. Nobody, Suikerboise, you dudes rock. Heroes? Have I got a JOB for you.
Cruise stand-up on Robinson, then gives the camera a wolfish smile.
Simon Cruise: Oh, and J-RoK? Spelling Hardcore with a c? A declaration of WAR.
The wave hits - Simon begins riding it.
Simon Cruise: AWESOME!
As his face is no longer submerged, Robinson spits out water.
Robinson: I can't breathe under water you (bleep)ing (bleep) lowdown (bleep)ing motherless (bleep)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Catch the wave.