Is That J-ROK? Well turn it up! (Hardcore Heaven (HW/J-ROK)

[Kilroy]

Sidenote: I just want to apologize for taking so long. This past week was a specifically harsh week for me at work and it wiped me out completely. This should've been up sooner, sorry.

{The shot opens on...a whole bunch of nothing. That's right, it's back to the big blank void of a promo area that Kilroy uses sometimes. The camera pans around looking for anything to look at, but it's hard to tell with the white wall and floor blending together. It's almost enough to induce nausea until the camera finds Kilroy Evans standing around, seemingly waiting for the camera to find him. He's dressed normally in jeans, sneakers, and custom t-shirt. It features The Yellow Guy from "Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared" with the phrase "OH, HELLO!" front and center in an exaggerated yet slightly sinister font. After the camera settles on him, Kilroy approaches and stands in front of it. He clears his throat softly and starts talking.}

Kilroy Evans: I have to say, I feel honored. When there's crossover shows between companies you have to carefully pick who faces who and for what reason. Dream match? Pride? But the best part of having J-ROK and Hardkore World do it is you could just pick names out of a hat from both sides and get a match everyone would want to see. And while there's plenty of people who fit the bill in Hardkore to fight for a title like the YTA Championship, that opportunity has been given to me. I get to face Kira Izumi himself, falls count anywhere, and paint the sand red in beautiful Hawaii! That plus the rest of this card makes this whole thing almost too hot for Maui to handle!

{Kilroy immediately stops and looks stricken, like he just remembered something horrible. He holds up his phone and taps the screen a few times. He looks up, disappointed.}

Kilroy Evans: I'm mad at me.

{A quick jumpcut occurs. Kilroy looks unhappy as he rubs his face with both hands and groans.}

Kilroy: No no, it stays in...that's my punishment.

{Kilroy looks back to the camera and smiles sheepishly.}

Kilroy Evans: So, where were we?

{The shot pauses, literally, as a video game pause screen comes up and moves into a screen marked "OBJECTIVES." There are two listed.

1. Fulfill actual promo obligations - COMPLETE

2. (Bonus) Pull a "Marty" - COMPLETE

The menu disappears and everything unpauses.}

Kilroy Evans: Oh nice, all done! So what to do next?

{As Kilroy looks at the screen, smiling, numbered options appear with a cursor.}

1. Normal human promo

2. "Normal" promo

{The cursor moves to the second option, selecting it. Kilroy's smile gets unnaturally bigger.}

Kilroy Evans: Hell yeah, I knew I could count on you! Kira Izumi and I could do the standard thing where we introduce ourselves and what we've done to each other's audiences. We could run down our accomplishments and let people debate over how they stack up. But...I don't wanna.

{Kilroy shrugs.}

Kilroy Evans: I mean, I don't wanna do it. I don't mind people online talking about it. That's what helped me get popular in the first place. Which is weird to say out loud about myself. But go find your favorite clips of myself and Mr. Izumi counter post each other with them, and then tune in so you can post about how you were the most right! That's the obnoxious right of every wrestling fan out there!

{Kilroy gestures to himself.}

Kilroy Evans: But I don't wanna do it. This is a fresh experience for me and for Izumi. I want it to feel like something exciting for us and not just a mashup of our greatest hits. So I'm gonna use my time to make this something special.

{Kilroy claps his hands together excitedly.}

Kilroy Evans: Not to get too familiar too quickly but, Kira, I'd like do something different before we face off. I want to do a little icebreaker session! We don't need to dwell on wrestling or philosophy or wrestle-osophies! That's getting handled in---

{Kilroy smiles big and points to the camera.}

Kilroy Evans: ---and OUT---of the ring in Maui! Let me pose some different questions to ponder before that happens, though.

{Kilroy snaps his fingers and the white void turns into a dark, backlit study. A fancy desk with chair is in the background, beside a wall with shelves of old, leatherbound books. The walls are a rich, well-crafted wood. The middle where Kilroy stands is oddly open. It may or may not be a recreation of the set of the show "Beyond Belief: Fact Or Fiction?" Either way, Kilroy looks very satisfied with the result.}

Kilroy Evans: Very nice. One more thing.

{Kilroy snaps again and he's now dressed in an all black suit with no tie and the top button of the dress shirt open.}

Kilroy Evans: Let's begin.

{There's an immediate jumpcut and Kilroy is now standing beside a tank of various reptiles.}

Kilroy Evans: What's your favorite lizard? Alligator? Igauna? Maybe a gecko?

{Another jumpcut and Kilroy is wearing a replica of Steve Awesome's gear from their Sadistic Madness match at Irish Rage over the suit he's wearing.}

Kilroy Evans: It's hard to judge this kind of thing in wrestling but, what's the worst style choice you've ever made?

{The shot cuts to Kilroy standing in front of the wall by a framed portrait of The Addams Family.}

Kilroy Evans: What fictional family would you be a member of?

{Cut to Kilroy sitting at the desk, holding a book with a recursive image of him holding the book continuously until you can't make it our any more.}

Kilroy Evans: If you had an autobiography, what would you call it?

{Cut to Kilroy standing in the middle of the study again, holding up a blank credit card. There's a laptop on a stand open to an eBay auction.}

Kilroy Evans: What's the numbers on the back of your credit card? No reason.

{Kilroy smiles before the shot cuts to Kilroy at the desk again, the same laptop open to a Youtube page.}

Kilroy Evans: Other than your theme, what song would best describe you? Here's mine.



{The shot cuts to Kilroy being uncomfortably close to the camera, still smiling.}

Kilroy Evans: What's the weirdest interaction with you've had with someone? Was it a bad thing?

{The shot cuts to Kilroy still in the study, but laying in a hospital bed complete with IV. His suit is shredded and he is a bloody mess, but still smiling.}

Kilroy Evans: What's the hardest fight you've ever been part of?

{Another cut and Kilroy is standing in the middle of the study staring directly down the camera lens. He has his arms folded in front of him and he looks at the camera with a warm, inviting smile. The all black suit is now all white. Music begins to play.}



Kilroy Evans: Do you ever think about dying?

{As the music ends Kilroy snaps his fingers one more time, and everything goes black.}

Kilroy Evans: Wakey wakey.

{End.}